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A Weekend with a Narcissistic Family Member

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  • September 12, 2018 at 11:14 am #225349
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Eva:

    Are you really forced to attend that family event?

    Let’s say you really want to attend that event, how  do you protect yourself is the question, how do you prevent trouble and if it happens, what do you do, my suggestions:

    1. Let your sister know that you have empathy for her for having the mother you both share, that you hope she attends quality psychotherapy to heal from the injuries she suffers from that horrid childhood, and let her know in no uncertain terms that the current status from now on, until further notice, is that there is no communicating between the two  of you, including during the family event.

    2. Be prepared to leave at any time, having a vehicle/ someone to drive you at any time during the event. This way you know that you can leave at any time.

    3. Ask a friendly and dependable relative who also attends the event to provide you with a protective shield, standing between you and your sister if she approaches you, being ready to separate her from you if she talks to you.

    4. Keep your part of #1 and do not react to her, do not communicate with her, even if she screams at you (#3 should intervene in that case and #2 is available to you as well).

    anita

     

    September 12, 2018 at 11:19 am #225353
    Eva
    Participant

    Hi Anita,

    I do have to be there. I want to be there. I love this small family group; they’ve always been the only family that showed love or any kind of warmth.

    I’m just starting to feel anxious about it.

    Your tips make me feel better because I was thinking along those lines. My cousin has literally already thought ahead to making some sort of human shield. She told her sister to be on the lookout for my sister eyeing me up.

    When she’s drunk, she’s erratic and hostile and relentless. Or rather, even more so than usual. The screaming at me triggers this deep anxiety in my chest that reminds me of our childhood and I hate the aftermath of that sort of confrontation. I have yelled back when she starts screaming, just to be heard, but I KNOW I can’t respond. I have to walk away.

    Aahhhhh.

    Fuck I hate this.

    September 12, 2018 at 11:38 am #225359
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Eva:

    Take care of yourself, that should be your first priority. Do what is right for you. I wish you could look forward to the event without this problem spoiling the anticipation.

    It just occurred to me, there is an option maybe to not offer alcoholic drinks so that she doesn’t get drunk. There is also the option of her not being invited, being her behavior is known to other members of the family.

    anita

    September 12, 2018 at 11:53 am #225367
    Prash
    Participant

    Dear Eva,

    Is it possible that you can communicate the situation between you and your sister to those family members who are organizing this get together. So in the event that any problem happens and you need to leave, there are no issues between you and them, the ones that have shown you love and warmth.

    Another way of self preparation is visualization and role play where you practice your defenses for the situations that may arise.

    Take care.

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