A reflection on this topic and the threads

[ben]

It’s interesting to read threads under this topic generally aimed at understanding the emotion rather than acceptance which I feel is ultimately what is craved but the mind is tricking the authors that understanding will bring them the relief they desire. Does anyone else feel this?

I’m not even sure you can truly know the truth so it feels time wasting?

Acceptance seems to be something people cannot understand, including myself and we therefore distract ourselves with understanding?

[Mark]

ben,

I believe that acceptance is the way of making real changes within ourselves.  Intellectual understanding is a piece of that but not the total answer.

Be able to sit with whatever emotions we have and just BE with them helps dissipate any difficult emotions that plague me.  Understanding on why I am sad or mad or … does not help me too much in dealing with them.

 

Mark

[Peter]

The story of the poisoned arrow comes to mind.

It’s just as if a man were wounded with an arrow thickly smeared with poison. His friends & companions, kinsmen & relatives would provide him with a surgeon, and the man would say, ‘I won’t have this arrow removed until I know whether the man who wounded me was a noble warrior, a priest, a merchant, or a worker.’ He would say, ‘I won’t have this arrow removed until I know the given name & clan name of the man who wounded me… until I know whether he was tall, medium, or short… until I know whether he was dark, ruddy-brown, or golden-colored… until I know….’ The man dies

A need to understanding can very easily become a trap at the same time may be a necessary part of the process of healing and acceptance. When it comes to emotional pain it is not always so easy to locate the arrow that needs to be dealt with.

Of course, there are many paths a person might take. Having found myself in the ‘understanding’ trap many times I’ve had to become very mindful to avoid it. One of the realization I’ve had is that an authentic part of me likes to work at understanding the why and cutting that part of myself off created a different wounding.

Through the practice ballroom dancing I learned that you start by gaining an understanding of the steps, rhythms, concepts about connection… but then there is a point where you get to ‘forget’ what you learned and dance.  The trick in healing and emotional pain is knowing when you have arrived at the tipping point of acceptance where if you can choose to let it go of the process and dance.

Here is a question for you. When does a seeker get to be a finder?

Sometimes I wonder if when Siddhārtha Gautama in his seeking achieved enlightenment and became Buddha did he become a finder and so get to stop seeking? Did he get to find at least a sense of contentment in his finding?

[Author]

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