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A divorce and a breakup with a lesbian

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  • #50261
    Anyone
    Participant

    Hi,

    I’m relieved to see I’m not the only one who’s single in this world, who has had breakups. And I’m also one with low self-esteem; that it turns out that I yearn for people to like me; although some already like me the way I’m, but when it shows the eagerness; and less self-respect and esteem, I lose them as well. I have a supportive family but I can’t share my heart out with them for I have been in a relationship with a lesbian of late. She is a soft butch (31 yrs) and knew her sexuality since long and I never had such an experience before in my life. (I’m 28). I respect the fact that she had been there in my hard and low times, but she has also taken advantage of it by manipulating me. I have been manipulated by my ex-husband (a relation of 6 years) and then a lesbian who supposedly fell in love with me. Sometimes it feels like I have been played as a football from one hand to another. I am choked with tears in my eyes as I write this. It feels horrible to have been through all this, lose self-esteem, self-respect, be scared of a crazy, psycho ex after whom I lost my friends, money, invested everything I had.

    I stay alone in India (Bangalore) in an apartment. It’s difficult to get up in mornings and sleep at night with no one by my side. Sometimes I don’t feel like leaving the bed, realizing each day that I have to do everything on my own. When I enter office, I struggle and fight with myself to put a smile on my face and confidence in body language to hide my tears, and a fake face for people around.

    My ex has been pestering me since he knows about my relation with the lesbian woman. And I can’t open this to my family either. I have had suffocated mornings, crying hard to know where to go and what to do. My lesbian partner had been helping me to get over with my ex, and she’s putting this favor as a guilt factor for me to continue with her; knowing that I’m not a bi-sexual. Yes, I was wrong to have been confused about my sexuality, but of late after sharing space with her I have had some differences where I feel I’m not into this and I would be doing injustice to myself and her if I continue this and force myself to give her what I don’t have.

    I hate to write and say that I was being manipulated by two people for long; for I consider myself a fool and immature to not have understood being 28 years old woman. I feel ashamed of myself. It batters my morale and self-esteem even more rather than being able to mend it.

    At this point of time, I don’t know if I will be able to help myself, heal the hurt and come over with it.

    #50265
    Nicole
    Participant

    Break ups are very difficult. We all go through them and you are DEFINITELY not the only one feeling this kind of pain and loneliness. It sucks and it hurts. Especially to be confused on top of all of it.
    Do not think you are stuck with that woman, because you are not. She may have feelings for you but if you do not share the same feelings for her then it is, quite literally, a waste of your time. Love yourself more. Love yourself enough to say you can’t be in a relationship where you are not happy. Life is a beautiful gift, and if we do only get one, do you want to live it like this? The wonderful thing about this website is that these articles on here are meant to help people like me and you in several ways. Read them. Your happiness is controlled by you. It’s simple, but hard to do, I know. An article I read recently said something along the lines of, “The way you look at life is all about your mindset. If you do not focus on the negative things that happen, you will be a happier person because all that will happen to you are positive things.” It is so simple, yet we are almost programmed to be negative! I’ve been thinking about that article a lot lately and have been trying to focus more on the positive things in my life.
    The pain is awful. Being single may suck at first. But, you are still young. You will heal. Every day is hard, but eventually you will find that the pain will start to go away. You will feel better. Just recently I was broken up with after a two year relationship. I didn’t eat, could barely sleep and cried all day every day. Three weeks later, though, I was starting to feel better. I found that this person was holding me back. You can move forward and become better, like me. Ignore your ex’s snide remarks and psycho-ness. Get a restraining order, block his phone number, whatever you can do. He is a negative impact on your life. Shut him out!
    Maybe you can’t tell your parents about this encounter with the lesbian woman. You do not need to, though. You have inner turmoil about it and that’s obvious. Maybe you see it as a mistake; do not. See it as a learning experience. We all mess up sometimes and do things that we may regret. Life goes on, though, and living with that inner turmoil is not worth it. You just have to say to yourself, “Hey, I may have messed up, but I learned from it. I know now what I wouldn’t have known before if I hadn’t tried.”
    In short, read these articles, focus on yourself and loving yourself, and block out the negative and focus on the positive. Do what you need to do to make you happy, there is nothing wrong with that.

    Namaste

    #50315
    Anyone
    Participant

    Hi Nicole,

    Thanks a lot for writing in! Your words made my day! And I’m becoming stronger each day! This morning I was thinking if it would be coward of me to not be upfront and tell my lesbian ex about what I feel (she already figured out well before I could, but she’s wanting to listen it from me) and when I did try to talk to her earlier, she charged me saying that I am using her as a psychologist. It hurt me! I got back to my senses and realised it’s better to just stop all communication channels with her and give myself a piece of peace. Think I deserve this!

    I have blocked my ex on phone, messages and whatsapp, struggling to figure out how to block him on gmail (the only concern being the divorce papers are with me and he might have to approach me when he needs it). Think I should stop worrying about how and when he will ask for it. He has scared me enough; I don’t wanna hurt myself anymore.

    I have healed myself before, just waiting for the time when I will be out of all this completely! I have plans to apply for jobs in Canada, it was a dream and can help me get out of the present !

    Lots of Love and positivity to you Nicole! Cheers!

    #50360
    Nicole
    Participant

    Don’t let those two get you down. It is probably better to not talk to the lesbian ex and definitely in your best interests to stop all communication with your ex husband. In this situation you should only think about yourself and your happiness. A lot of times we forget to put ourselves first.
    And do it! Apply for those jobs. Move around, see the world. There is too much to do and see and now you are free to do it. Canada is a friendly place I have heard. I hope you get the opportunity to live and work there.

    Stay positive 🙂
    Nicole

    #50640
    Anyone
    Participant

    Thanks Nicloe.

    Recently my ex in-laws had been calling me to check what’s going on between me and him as they are not aware of anything (neither of the divorce nor that he doesn’t stay with me). I picked their call once to tell them that they should check with their son and not call me and my parents as there is nothing left in the relation.

    However, my ex-husband doesn’t seem to sharing anything with his parents. And they are in dark.

    In my ex-husband’s mind, mails and messages; he constantly blames me that I cheated on him, writes sarcastic remarks like (‘sorry to disturb your pleasure moment at night’.) It makes me crazy. I know it is exactly what he wants to do. Make me crazy, lose my conscience for him to win over the situation.

    I try not to check my mails; but what can i do. Sometimes, I need to check my account for other imp. mails.

    Currently, I’m just keeping quiet as always and letting him do and say what he wants to. He never did anything concrete in his life, and chooses to remain this way. I didn’t want to and hence I parted ways.

    If and when everything comes out between families; I wish to ask him to stop playing these crap mind games. I don’t wanna be a part of it as I have my life ahead. Simple reason being ‘I don’t want to be stuck’.

    In need of reassurance if I’m on correct path.

    Thanks!

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