Hi ZC

W.O.R.M  Write One Read Many  is a software term for writing code that is run over and over again.  Your consciousness has become fixated on the WORM of the imagined future that cannot be and so you suffer. If only, could of, should of… you replay the memories in the hopes of changing the past… feeding the WORM and allowing it to embed itself deeper and deeper.

I do not mean to be harsh. However as you know (but do not know) the issue is not about your ex and to stop the pain what is required is to stop feeding the WORM. (When you do kill the WORM and look back on how you did it, that is exactly what you will have done, you will have gotten to the point where you just stop. Maybe that takes years of therapy or maybe you just decide to do it).

It is possible one of the reasons that you don’t stop is that a part of you gets of payoff in dwelling on the past. The payoff of staying stuck could be the comfort of certainty experienced by not changing and moving on.  Staying stuck, out weighing the payoff of stopping and entering into a future that is uncertain.

You mention Karma. Karma as I understand is about ones action and cause and effect. Our actions create what we experience as well as what we a capable of seeing, the choices we are capable of making. Using the idea of reincarnation as a metaphor (each breathe is a death and a rebirth) we have the possibility to change to a higher or lower level with each breath we take . Our karma influences which door we might go through during the transition between death and rebirth. A karma based on fear may view the door to the higher level as the more difficult and uncertain path and door to the lower level of consciousnesses easier, less scary. We tend in each breath to chose the same level door  however the opportunity to choose the higher level of consciousness is always present.

Again sorry if the above comes off as being harsh.

Hi ZC,

This old friend represents a golden time of your life. You were young, single, free, and had options! You were the chosen one. He was your pining devotee. It felt great! I’ve been the worshipped goddess before. I’ve been there! I get it.

Then in your kindly beneficence, you set him loose.

But by then everyone had grown a little older, a little more long in the tooth, a little jaded, and he took you at your word. YOU had to go to HIM. Which was bad enough, but then you found out that no one is as busy as someone who isn’t interested in you.

Now that everyone’s in their thirties with kids, it’s SO EASY to be nostalgic over your past.

But (and I’ve been there too) if you ever manage to hook up again, you will quickly see that it wouldn’t be the same. What else would there be to talk about but the kids anyway?

Best,

Inky

Dear ZC:

You are welcome.

In your original post you wrote: “He always made his intentions with me clear: he wanted a formal/ official relationship with me… Being with him, for me, was like being with the best/ fun part of me…like long-time friends…”

When you broke up with him he told you: “I’ll respect your decision and leave you alone”. Then he kept his word and  “just disappeared”.

Next, you regretted breaking up with him, reached out to him and he told you that your “apologies were accepted, but that “he wasn’t interested in (you) anymore… I had a very hard time after you rejected me, but now I’m ok with that, and I’m just not interested anymore”.

Maybe your sadness and regret have to do with the fact that this was an honest, decent, straightforward man, one who kept his word, no games, no manipulations. And there was no do-over with him. There was a consequence to your choice to break up with him and you couldn’t go back.

In my experience a ma/ person like him is rare. Is that your experience as well, before him and after him?

anita

* Dear ZC: in case you didn’t notice, I replied to you recently. If you didn’t notice and would like to read it, please do.

anita

Dear ZC:

Maybe your sadness and regret then has to do with the fact that at the time you just wanted to have fun, “was out just for fun”, as you wrote. Is it (checking different possibilities) that you have felt guilty, perhaps, for just having fun?

anita

Dear ZC:

If you want to further explore the issue, we can keep doing so. For that purpose, can you define the issue, or the problem. You wrote that you miss him, that you can’t forget him, who significant of a problem is it in your life, how does it affect you and your current relationship?

* Will soon be away from the computer for about sixteen hours.

anita