Hi Jana

Thank you! I am working on the genuine happiness. I can safely say that you deserve it too. ❤️

Bear in mind that you have been so busy that you haven’t had the time for your usual self-care. I know how much that can weigh on a person. I think that you’re good at knowing what you need.

Please don’t worry about comparing yourself to others in terms of energy levels. Comparison is the thief of joy. If you must compare, try comparing with your past self. Not everyone is the same and it is okay to be different. You have been through so much! Tiredness is not such a bad thing in comparison to everything you have been through in the past. You are perfect as you are!

I say this not to dismiss your concerns. Just no good comes from worrying, especially when you need to relax. If you want to work on these things, it will probably take some time, so no rush.

Well done on overcoming the difficulties with the shaking! That must have been hard to go through having such a visible sign of your anxiety. It truly is a miracle that you fought hard and succeeded despite your fears that your body couldn’t be healed.

I have tics that only appear when I relax. On some days they are worse and on others they are better.

Wow tramal is a really intense medicine to take let alone for someone who had never taken any medication before. I think that experience would give me a lot of concerns about medication too.

I remember taking tramal when I was a teenager. The doctor prescribed it for a toothache and I didn’t know what it was. I immediately felt addicted to it lol and the doctor refused to prescribe more. For me, it removed all sensations from my body. I enjoyed that. But it is so addictive, that I have avoided all medicines like it now that I have a chronic pain issue. I’m fortunate to have had that experience as a teenager or I would probably be addicted to it right now.

Well the medicine I took was technically a blood pressure medicine. So it relaxes the blood vessels and such. You know how at times with anxiety the heart can race, pound and such. It basically just keeps that normal. It doesn’t technically have an effect on anxiety at all. But some people can experience increased anxiety because of sensations like that. I happen to be one of those people I guess.

I think that medicine has its place. But I do think that doctors need to be more careful with medicine than they are. If you don’t have to take anything that is a blessing. I have experienced the positives in that medicine saved my life. And some negatives when prescribed without caution. I do tend to research medicine before taking it as a result.

I think you are right. I was on some pretty strong mental health drugs for a few years. It took my system years to even partially recover from withdrawing. I had to relearn how to manage my emotions without the medication.

That being said, trauma also has had a massive impact on my health too. It is hard to say where which issue starts and the other stops.

Congratulations on getting through to the second round of interviews! I have faith that you will prepare well and try your best. That is all you really need to do. Good luck, not that you’ll need it. 😊

I hope you enjoy the alone time, though I’m sure you’ll miss your partner. It’s been lovely to chat and see you around again!

Love, peace and best wishes! ❤️🙏

Hi Jana

I have heard about the damage chemotherapy causes. It is a very hard thing to go through. Your partner was very strong both mentally and physically to get through it. I’m sorry that he had to go through those struggles.

I love how much care you consistently show for him. It is truly beautiful! ❤️

Ah yes, I’ve had a similar experience with the strong mental health drugs. It is not pleasant to go through. I’m glad that his mother was able to help him and that weed helped him in those difficult times.

I have experienced the harm of different medications too. Most things have side effects. It’s wild. Some you have to eat bananas to avoid a deficiency. Some combinations of medication cause bruising. Some cause a psuedo-allergic syndrome. Most mental health drugs don’t work properly on me. Some cause diabetes as a side effect.

You were very astute to see the truth of these things at such a young age and without having to make those mistakes! You are spot on.

Haha I don’t know, the early 2000s were a wild time. 😂

I see a traditional Chinese medicine Doctor for my pain. I take herbs, do acupuncture, TENS, heat treatment, massage and cupping there. I also use a topical NSAIDs and paracetamol. Unfortunately, I can’t take much medication orally anymore. I managed to mess up my stomach quite badly being on the pain meds for years.

There are a couple of meditations that I do to help with pain actually. I described one recently in my Buddhism Journal. They are both similar, but slightly different. There is a western exercise called progressive muscle relaxation which is similar and can be helpful too.

I don’t mind writing about my pain. I guess it’s just something that I have learned to live with. Before the baby I used to dream of getting better one day, but I don’t think it matters anymore. There are more important things in the world. As long as my son has a good life, I will be happy.

I’m sorry to hear that your partner is being bullied by that coworker and it is reminding him of the bullying from his step father. That is tough. It sounds like the guy either doesn’t know how to teach or he might be being rude because of feeling threatened? I’m sure that your partner will figure everything out and pass his test.

Dear Jana:

You are very welcome! In your recent post, you expressed a clear preference for autonomy over financial security. You value the freedom to solve problems and make decisions independently, even if it means facing uncertainty and potential financial struggle.

Growing up without guidance, support, or interest from others forced you to become highly self-reliant. This has shaped you into someone who is used to making decisions and organizing her life on her own. As a result, any situation that requires adapting to external control or expectations triggers stress and inner conflict.

Your tendency to sabotage your relationship in the early weeks suggests a fear of dependency and losing your autonomy. This fear likely stems from childhood experiences of having no one to depend on, no one but yourself, that is.

There is an ongoing internal conflict between your desire for independence and the potential benefits of collaboration and security.

Your ability to thrive on your own, make decisions independently, and solve problems is truly admirable. These strengths have helped you navigate many challenges and become the resilient person you are today. But while autonomy is crucial, finding a balance where you can still maintain your independence while benefiting from collaboration can enhance your growth and opportunities, becoming even more of the intelligent, strong and resilient person that you are today.

Consider taking small steps to adapt to external expectations while maintaining your sense of self. For instance, integrating your unique teaching style into lesson plans, and if possible, have an open dialogue with those in positions of authority about your need for flexibility and creative approaches. This can help create an environment where your autonomy is respected and your contributions are valued- a real-life opportunity for further growth.

“I’d rather be a self-employed person struggling financially at times”- problem is that even a self-employed person has to adapt to external control or expectations, such as having to fit governmental rules and regulations and clients’ expectations.

Your self-awareness and willingness to explore these feelings are commendable. I believe that with time and practice, you can find a balance that allows you to maintain your independence while embracing new opportunities.

Thank you again for sharing, Jana. If you have more thoughts or questions, I’m here to listen and support you.

anita