Dear Jana:

Thank you for sharing your thoughts. I understand your concern about privacy and wanting to create a safe space for others. However, personally, I don’t see how deleting your thread will benefit anyone.

It’s important to remember that your contributions and discussions are valuable, and you didn’t occupy too much space here. Sharing your experiences and seeking advice is what this small community is all about. Your insights can help others who might be going through similar situations. Even if any part of your thread helps one person, that’s good enough in my book.

If you feel comfortable, you could consider leaving the thread as it is. This way, others can still benefit from the valuable advice shared.

Ultimately, it’s your decision, and I support you in whatever you choose to do. Please know that your presence and contributions are appreciated.

anita

Dear Jana:

You are very welcome! There is no doubt in my mind that you (or me/ anyone in the forums) have no part whatsoever in her decision to delete her account and threads.

“I thought I did something wrong again”- how deep and automatic are our core beliefs, aren’t they? In this case the core belief is something like: “if something goes wrong, if someone is unhappy, it’s my fault, I must have done something wrong yet again!”

I hope to read more from you about your work on self-compassion, validating and loving your inner child- when your thoughts are more settled.

anita

I hope that things improve for you soon and I wish you good luck on your journey through life.

Hi Jana

Thank you for your kindness as well. 😊

Well I don’t judge people like that and personally I like calm quiet people. I can understand a desire to get to know people over time.

I have been through my own struggles too, so I understand these things.

I’m open to zoom or ms teams if you would like to meet virtually. 😊 My email address is tbthrowaway64@gmail.com. I don’t know how to look up an email address with Google via a username.

I’m glad to hear that you feel appreciated! You are a very special person ❤️

Dear Jana:

“The internal validation of the struggles I went through during my childhood and growing up was very crucial”- Yes it is very crucial.

When someone relies heavily on external validation and lacks internal validation, one’s behaviors might include: going out of the way to agree with others, even if it contradicts one own’s beliefs and values (People-Pleasing), frequently seeking reassurance from others and excessively worrying about what others think (excessive Dependence on others), altering one’s behavior, appearance, or opinions to fit in with others and gain their acceptance (Conforming), often second-guessing oneself, regularly comparing oneself to others and feeling inadequate as a result, and avoiding being true to oneself out of fear of rejection or disapproval.

On the other hand, when someone has strong internal validation, one’s behaviors might include: confidently making decisions based on one’s own values and beliefs without needing others’ approval (Independence), bouncing back from setbacks and criticism with a healthy sense of self-worth intact (Resilience), embracing one’s true self and expressing one’s genuine thoughts, feelings, and opinions, acting consistently with one’s own values and principles, regardless of external pressures (Integrity), establishing and maintaining healthy boundaries in relationships and interactions and communicating one’s own needs, desires, and limits confidently (Assertiveness), and experiencing a sense of inner peace and contentment regardless of external circumstances or opinions.

“I’m at a stage where I feel honestly good about being myself and not trying to change or question myself. I have to play my part in this world and not try to change according to someone’s ideas” – Your journey, like mine, is about transitioning from excessive seeking or hoping for external validation to developing strong internal validation.

“I feel terribly tied down when I have to follow some external rules. These are the echoes of my personality ‘I will not be bound by anything.’ That’s the lone wolf in me. I always choose freedom, even if it is hard and life-threatening”- reading this inspired me to post a poem just for you:

The Lone Wolf’s Cry:

In a world of chains and binding ties,
Where rules are forged, and freedom dies,
She wanders paths where few have tread.

No walls can cage this restless heart,
No shackles bind her spirit’s art.
For deep within, a voice rings true:
I will not be bound, I promise you!

She walk the night beneath the stars,
Embracing scars and silent wars.
A lone wolf, fierce, unchained, and wild,
In freedom’s grasp, forever styled.

Though roads are rough and risks are high,
She spreads her wings, prepared to fly.
For in her heart, a fire burns bright,
A beacon in the darkest night.

No life of ease, no comfort’s plea,
Can dim the light that lives in her.
She forges her path, she finds her way,
In freedom’s arms, she chooses to stay.

anita