Hello! I was thinking that I should have this thread deleted. I realize that we discussed a lot of personal things and now when a frequent member suddenly and unexpectedly left, I have a feeling that deleting this thread (and the member’s posts) might create a little safer space when she decides to come back… I know that it might be uncomfortable to read something we decided to share but then realized that it was too personal and it might create some troubles in the future. I’ll copy this thread into my mail (because you gave me great advice I want to remeber)where it stays private only for me and then ask moderators to delete it.

Also, I was thinking if I didn’t make this thread only about me and “occupied” the space here too much.

Hello Anita,

thank you for the quick reply. 🙂

You are right. Maybe I got caught in overthinking again. And I thought I did something wrong again.

I have been working on my self-compassion and trying to give my inner child more validation and love. I’ll share more later when my thoughts are more settled.

THANK YOU <3

Hello Anita,

thank you a lot for your kind and warm words.

You have helped me a lot and I hope that you know that I cherish you. 🤗

I wish I could be more helpful to you. You are very kind and clever. You have helped a lot of people here. I was thinking if it is not too much for you. I can see that you give a lot to others but I am not sure if you get enough in return.

Sending a lot of ☀️ and ❤️

📔 It is February 17, 14:45

I have been too busy and distracted to practice mindfulness and meditation these two months. I am getting back on track slowly. It was a hectic and quite hard time for me. Glad that it is getting back to normal again.

The internal validation of the struggles I went through during my childhood and growing up was very crucial. I have a feeling I am allowed to continue my personal development now. It would not be possible without my internal validation.

I have been working on my self-compassion, too. I’ll write more about it in my thread about self-compassion.

I’m at a stage where I feel honestly good about being myself and not trying to change or question myself. I have to play my part in this world and not try to change according to someone’s ideas. I would only fool myself, then.

But that doesn’t mean I don’t have a lot of work to do with myself. In the end, I decided to turn down the job offer (english via phone) because I didn’t feel good about it. I need to have more space for creativity, thinking, and flexibility… I feel terribly tied down when I have to follow some external rules. These are the echoes of my personality “I will not be bound by anything.” That’s the lone wolf in me. I always choose freedom, even if it is hard and life-threatening (financial insecurity at this moment)… but at least I found two new students through my online ad.

My boyfriend tells me that there’s no need to fight this, but rather adapt to it and look for a job that suits my personality and not the other way around. Simply keep looking for private students… I agree, but if I had a better paying job, he might ease up a bit. He works long hours in harsh environment with a lot of stress… people, managers, technology, … There are people in his company who had mental breakdown due to the pressure. He’s a strong and assertive personality… also a bit of a workaholic… but one can only take so much of this.

(I’ll continue later)