Tiny Buddha

Tag: self love

  • Stop Running from Your Life and Start Living It

    Stop Running from Your Life and Start Living It

    Running

    “Let yourself be open and life will be easier. A spoon of salt in a glass of water makes the water undrinkable. A spoon of salt in a lake is almost unnoticed.” ~Buddha

    I spent most of my life running. I ran from people, commitments, physical locations, and most of all, myself. And if I wasn’t running, I was definitely thinking about it.

    I always had great excuses. I wasn’t happy, didn’t fit in, wasn’t comfortable—the excuses were never ending. I was rarely content. So in late 2010, I decided that the best solution was to sell everything, uproot, and move across country.

    The problem with always running is that eventually you grow exhausted.

    Alone in an unfamiliar city, I first thought my depression was due to the vast changes in my life. Not only had I left a relatively small city for one of the largest in Canada, I was jobless, friendless, and scared out of my mind. That’s when things started to fall apart.

    Little by little, everything began to crumble. My self-esteem, confidence, and self-assurance were evaporating, and I didn’t understand what was going on. I had never stopped long enough to take a good look at my life, so I didn’t even know myself.

    I didn’t want to know myself.

    By 2012, I lost interest in most activities that once fulfilled my life. I went through cycles of depression, hopelessness, and panic. I was certain that the world moved ahead and I had fallen behind everyone else.

    I was completely broken and, unlike the other times when I’d struggled, I didn’t think I could be repaired. 

    I attempted counseling but it didn’t help. It just seemed like the layers of my issues weren’t only psychological, but also spiritual. Sure, everything had a logical solution, but it didn’t necessarily give me any comfort.

    Talking to friends wasn’t helpful either. In fact, in some cases it seemed to make me feel worse.

    I sought books and blogs to find the help I needed. The miraculous thing is that once I started to look for solutions, one by one, I found the exact reading material I needed at that very moment. One little molecule at a time, I felt like I was being rebuilt.

    Then everything took an abrupt turn.     

    It was the first weekend in September and I was sitting outside on a beautiful day, feeling a deep sense of peace and relaxation. Maybe, I decided, things were starting to look up. Maybe everything was finally coming together.

    That night I had an intense dream where I was in a mad rush to find a specific person in order to finish a task. I finally found him and he held up a baby for me to see. The child kissed her tiny fingers, then touched my face and in an adult voice said, “I love you.”

    I awoke the next morning feeling like this was strangely a sign of hope.

    Immediately, I thought that one of my close friends back home, who was a spiritual person, would understand the intensity I felt over such a dream. We often discussed our personal struggles and successes, encouraging and helping each other in our journey. She was a big believer in synchronicity and would be elated to learn that I had this positive sign.

    Before I had a chance to contact her, I found out the terrible news: She had been killed in a car accident the previous day.

    Once I got over the shock and disbelief, I felt that the dream was a message from her. We always talked about “signs,” and since she loved children (and was actually a teacher), it made sense that she would communicate with me through a child.

    I felt a great deal of grief over her death, but the dream left me with an unexpected sense of hope.

    I thought about the kind of person she was; she was adventurous, always tried to see the good in others, and lived in the moment. I also thought about how she admired my fiery, direct, and honest attitude. That’s when I realized it was time to bring that person back.

    Although I continued to struggle for the upcoming months, I was feeling a tinge of hope that I hadn’t felt in a long time.

    In late 2012, I was shocked to learn that two more of my friends had died—both were young and had a short bout with cancer.

    It was yet another reminder that we are only given so many days, so much time, and we should use it on things and people that matter to us.

    I ended a friendship that was draining and hurtful. I also put a lot less focus on those who didn’t bring something positive to the table, instead focusing on those who made me laugh and were a joy to be around.

    But even then, I didn’t feel completely fulfilled and often found myself falling into my old, negative thought patterns, usually coinciding with the end of the week.

    Then I took a friend’s advice and picked up a book by Louise Hay. It changed my life.

    In one of her books, she outlines an exercise that requires the reader to visualize themselves as a child of five or six. You have to envision yourself looking into your own eyes as a child. I did so and the first thought that ran through my head was, “I’m sorry that I ruined your life.”

    I immediately broke down. I never cried with such intensity before. Until that moment, I had never realized that this was my central thought for so long.

    No wonder I felt so miserable and defeated. Telling anyone that they ruined your life is a pretty broad statement—and yet, I was telling this to myself everyday.

    Things didn’t become perfect after that day, but I saw some immediate changes. I felt lighter and slept better than I had before. I was calmer and centered in a way I had never experienced in my life; it was a new normal for me.

    I had spent so many years racing away from my thoughts, feelings, fears, and insecurities because the idea of dealing with them was overwhelming. But it had to happen.

    I no longer run away because I know it doesn’t bring you true happiness. I face each situation with courage, but mostly, I follow my instincts and do what feels right. It hasn’t steered me wrong yet.

    I’m not suggesting that every day is magical, wonderful, and full of pink unicorns. (I wish!) But I’ve learned that the key is to accept yourself with the same love and compassion as you would for the most important person in your life.

    Really, it should be one in the same.

    Photo by StarMama

  • How to Start Feeling at Peace with the Way You Look

    How to Start Feeling at Peace with the Way You Look

    “The reason we struggle with insecurity is because we compare our behind-the-scenes with everyone else’s highlight reel” ~Steve Furtick

    For as long as I can remember, I’ve had issues with the way I look. Back when I was at school, I stood out, being one of the only Asian students in a small English village. This heightened my awareness of how different I looked in relation to my peers and started my obsession of comparing myself with others.

    It is often stated that adolescence can be a painful period in everyone’s life, and mine was no exception. By the age of thirteen, I suddenly sprouted into a gangly, long-limbed teenager with greasy hair.

    I retreated into my world of loud and angry rock music, pretending not to care about anything but secretly in a spiral of self-hatred and loneliness.

    I’d always assumed I’d naturally grow out of feeling down about my looks, but I have now come to realize that insecurity about one’s appearance should not be underestimated and simply shrugged away as an “adolescent phase.”

    By seventeen my self-hatred had intensified, and I began working in a part-time job to start saving for plastic surgery—the only thing I decided would make me happy about my appearance.

    I became scarily obsessed with how I looked, excusing myself every half hour at work to check my face, and I have countless memories of crying in desperation at my reflection in the bathroom mirror.

    I realize now that all of this clearly foreshadowed an eventual breakdown of some sort, but I was still shocked when it happened. After my first month of college, I was diagnosed with anxiety and depression and left.

    It seemed as though everything was suddenly changing for the worse. Amid all this chaos, my insecurities and anxieties became so overwhelming, I felt unworthy of looking after myself. I ended up suffering from insomnia and lost over fourteen pounds within a month.

    I now see that a shock to the system was needed to make me open my eyes to what I was doing to myself.

    I had hated myself for so long but had repressed my feelings, sure that with time I would suddenly “get better” without actually addressing the real problem.  

    I could blame the media and the narrow perception of beauty it promotes. I could blame all the people that ever made hurtful or thoughtless remarks, in most cases unaware of the anguish they would cause me. But I won’t.

    It all starts with feeling good about who you are. Because I so clearly didn’t, I became a magnet for criticism and negativity from others and allowed it to affect me to my detriment. (more…)

  • Stopping Comparisons: Reclaim Reality and Raise Your Self-Esteem

    Stopping Comparisons: Reclaim Reality and Raise Your Self-Esteem

    Smiling

    “The reason we struggle with insecurity is because we compare our behind-the-scenes with everyone else’s highlight reel” ~Steve Furtick

    Have you ever wondered when the turning point was? When did you start questioning yourself and believing you were missing something? When did you stop thinking of yourself as invincible and start noticing what others called “flaws”?

    As a teenager and young adult, I struggled with severe depression and anxiety.

    In my early twenties, I entered treatment for my eating disorder, a decision that proved to be life-changing in the most positive of ways.

    During my second stint in treatment, I met a young woman who was a year older than me, and the walking embodiment of everything I wanted to be. I felt threatened, intimidated, and highly insecure every time we were in the same room.

    She was smart, beautiful, spoke French better than I did, and had a loving boyfriend. I wished that I had her olive skin and shiny dark hair, not to mention her exquisite wardrobe.

    However, I also quickly learned how much she and I had in common, including an insurmountable desire to be envied and admired for our accomplishments. Our similarities caused us to repel against each other like the similar poles of a magnet.  (more…)

  • Transform Your Life by Loving Yourself in Action

    Transform Your Life by Loving Yourself in Action

    Heart

    “Your actions are your only true belongings.” ~Allan Lokos

    I used to be the kind of girl who relished stable and perfect surroundings. I fanned my magazines. I scrubbed the inside of the refrigerator.

    I worked tirelessly to cultivate the external environment that I was lacking inside.

    Externally, things were in order. The bills were paid. The laundry was folded.

    Internally, I was a voracious black hole of yearning.

    I consumed everything that was closest to me—food, love, validation—in an attempt to fill the void that I experienced on a daily basis. That feeling of not being enough, of seeking desperately for the last piece of the puzzle, the piece that would round me out and make me whole.

    Instead, I obsessed over whether or not someone could find me loveable and used superficial benchmarks to validate my existence—grades, jobs, cash, and degrees from fancy schools.

    But when I was truly honest with myself, I was able to notice where I was crumbling under the pressure of that external flawlessness. 

    How, in an effort to shellac over my imperfections, I was micromanaging those around me, offering help that had not been asked for, repairing others because I didn’t have the courage to believe I was repairable.

    I required my own love and support. I needed my actions to resonate with the deeply hidden spark thriving inside my spirit, which held the space and the light in the hopes that someday I’d come to retrieve it.

    Now, I often tell people that the spark inside of them, no matter how dim or deeply hidden, is like Tinker Bell as she is dying in Peter Pan. That, like Tinker Bell, that spark is enlivened and emboldened by the clapping and cheering and belief in its relevance. 

    That spark represents your inner wisdom, the light that will guide you directly toward a life that is tailor-fit to your specifications.

    And yet, there was a time when I doubted its integrity, favoring the words and programs and gospel of experts and gurus, wanting desperately to be fixed, to be whole.

    I was certain that if I just read enough or was good enough, that I would be transformed into a person deserving of a beautiful life.

    It never occurred to me that I was the one that I was waiting for. (more…)

  • Becoming Friends With Yourself: You Deserve Your Love

    Becoming Friends With Yourself: You Deserve Your Love

    “You, yourself, as much as anyone in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection.” ~The Buddha

    Bodhicitta. Metta. Loving-kindness. Compassion. Whatever you call it, this is what spiritual practice is all about, right? Long story short, the teachings instruct us to generate these vast motivations and wishes that all sentient beings be free from suffering and experience true and lasting happiness.

    It sounds wonderful, doesn’t it?

    So why is it that so many of us are still unhappy, even after years of sitting on the cushion? Why do we still struggle with depression, anxiety, fear, and even self-loathing?

    Now, I’m not the first practitioner to point this out, but the main reason is that we forget the most important word in these prayers, aspirations and practices: all.

    This, as they say, means you.

    This would seem easy, wouldn’t it? To include ourselves in this great wish for limitless happiness seems to be nothing short of the most common sense. After all, you want to be happy, don’t you?

    But the truth is, this is very hard for us here in the west. At a very deep and wounded level, we don’t really think we deserve any of that. So even though we might spend a great deal of time thinking about others, we wholeheartedly neglect ourselves.

    At least I do.

    You see, before I discovered Buddhism and meditation, I was a drug addict. During those twenty-three years of madness, clinging, and sorrow, I hurt a lot of people. But mostly, out of self-loathing and shame, I hurt myself.

    When I finally made the choice to give recovery a real shot, I had to begin the long, slow, and always painful process of making amends, not only with my friends and family, but also with myself. (more…)

  • Marry Yourself: How to Commit to Self-Love and Say “I Do” to You

    Marry Yourself: How to Commit to Self-Love and Say “I Do” to You

    “You, yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection.” ~Buddha

    I married myself at the age of thirty-seven in a quiet ceremony of one near a waterfall in Big Sur, California.

    I had prepared my “soul vows.” These vows were my deepest commitment to love, cherish, and deeply care for all parts of myself, in sickness and in health, until my time on the planet comes to an end.

    My soul vows became an ode to honoring my highest self always, and remembering that seeking love outside myself will never bring fulfillment unless I possess radical, unshakable love for myself.

    With that knowing, these are some of my soul vows:

    I vow to comfort myself during times of hopelessness, despair, depression, disillusionment, or any difficulty that arises.

    I vow to be my beloved always and in all ways.

    I vow to never settle or abandon myself in romantic partnerships again.

    I vow to live in the faith my life unfolds in mysterious divine perfection.

    I vow to honor my spiritual path and create an amazing life whether I am ever legally married or not.

    I vow to honor my calling and live my life as a work of art.

    Some vows were tender and some fierce, some private, and some to be shared with the world.

    All vows were an expression of my soul’s calling and a deep desire to love myself and care for myself at the deepest possible level in all areas of my life.

    These vows were the gateway into a life that was deeper, richer, and more connected to my soul’s guidance.

    Nearly nine months later, I have a birthed a new life. Many of the visions I had for a decade are starting to come true.

    These visions include attracting a loving partner, spending time in my beloved Bali, and feeling a deeper sense of purpose and passion for my work. (more…)

  • Do You Judge the Person You Used to Be?

    Do You Judge the Person You Used to Be?

    “If you judge people, you have no time to love them.” ~Mother Theresa

    It was the second time I’d gone out to lunch with a new friend I met through this site.

    We’d experienced some of the same things in life, and I instantly admired her attitude and perspective.

    Sometimes when I meet up with people I’ve met through Tiny Buddha, I feel a sense of inner conflict. One the one hand, I want to live up to everything I imagine they expect of me.

    I want to be positive, present, and upbeat—all qualities I aspire to embody in my life and through my work.

    But I also want to be free to just be, in whatever state I find myself on that given day, without worrying about how I’m perceived.

    That’s been my lifelong journey—learning to show up as I am, without fearing whether or not other people will accept that.

    My greatest drive in my life is to be authentic. But if I’m not mindful, I can easily get in my own way.

    As we sat chatting, I found myself feeling more and more comfortable, and relieved that after all the years I’d spent isolating myself, I’d finally learned to relax and be myself in the company of new people.

    We broached the topic of crowds, something I’m pretty vocal about disliking. I made a sarcastic comment, something along the lines of “People are best in small doses.” I meant that I prefer intimate groups of people, but I immediately questioned how it came across.

    That didn’t sound very Tiny Buddha-ish, I thought. Then I reminded myself, “She’ll know what I mean. Clearly I don’t hate people.”

    I wasn’t quite so confident when she said, “Are people best from a computer screen, when you’re sitting alone in your living room?”

    This hit me like a jolt to the stomach, completely knocking the wind out of me. (more…)

  • Learning to Stop Clinging to People: Know That You Are Loved

    Learning to Stop Clinging to People: Know That You Are Loved

    “As long as you make an identity for yourself out of pain, you cannot be free of it.”   ~Eckhart Tolle

    I have a heart condition. Not one that you could see on an x-ray, or even one that you would find in a medical textbook.

    For as long as I can remember, I have felt like my heart has had a gaping hole in it—and I’ve been stuffing anyone, anything into that space to try and feel a little less empty. A little less alone.

    The first day of my freshman year, I met a girl.

    We spent the rest of the day together and discovered we had an uncanny amount in common, including our values and a passion for the violin. We even had the same name. So I decided then and there that she would be that college friend that everyone talks about, that friend with whom you share everything and never lose touch, even after you’re both old and gray.

    I had decided she was the perfect shape to fill the hole in my heart.

    I then proceeded to spend as much time as possible with her and her friends, ignoring the people I had grown close to in my dorm. I even declined invitations from classmates to go out to eat, get a coffee, or even just go with them to the library; I wanted to be available in case she and her friends decided they wanted to do something with me.

    Yet even though I thought I had finally found a group of people that made me feel complete, there was always this underlying fear—a fear that they were just pretending to like me, that I was a second-class citizen in this clique.

    And then she broke the news to me. “You make our group dynamic awkward,” she said. “We think you should go find some other friends.”

    I was devastated.

    My heart now felt even more empty and alone than it did before I met her, because I had built an identity for myself based on a friendship I had forced—a relationship I had made fit simply because it was there and available.

    After that, I slowly started spending time with my other friends and started enjoying their company again, but I still withdrew and isolated myself.

    I couldn’t imagine that anyone would want to spend time with me if she and her friends didn’t, and that perception made it almost impossible to believe anything good anyone said about me. (more…)

  • Developing Self-Compassion & Learning to Be Nicer to Ourselves

    Developing Self-Compassion & Learning to Be Nicer to Ourselves

    “Be gentle first with yourself if you wish to be gentle with others.” ~Lama Yeshe

    Several months ago, I sat in a large workshop audience being led by Kristin Neff, a pioneer in the field of self-compassion research.

    She directed us to divide up into pairs for a self-compassion exercise. I turned to the young woman next to me. We introduced ourselves and returned our attention to Kristin.

    Following her instructions, my partner closed her eyes while I sat looking at her. Kristin led those of us with open eyes through a loving-kindness meditation that was directed at our partners.

    Although I did not know this young woman, I could feel my heart open wide to her as compassion arose within me. I felt warm and loving toward her.

    Then it was my turn to sit with closed eyes. As Kristin repeated the meditation and I felt my partner’s loving gaze on me, I started to hear a voice.

    Not a psychotic one, mind you, but that familiar voice that so often takes up my internal space. It had started chatting quietly but zoomed to full volume within seconds.

    “You don’t deserve compassion! You don’t make enough money! You snap at Andrea all the time! You just need to get yourself under control!”

    Sigh. So much for self-compassion.

    But that was the point.

    After the exercise, Dr. Neff asked, “How many of you found it harder to feel compassion toward yourself than the stranger sitting next to you?”

    Just about everyone in that huge group—including me—raised their hands. (more…)

  • 3 Ways to Trust Your Body and Trust Yourself

    3 Ways to Trust Your Body and Trust Yourself

    “Your body is precious. It is our vehicle for awakening. Treat it with care.” ~Buddha

    I trust that the body knows everything. It does. Absolutely.

    Did you ever just get a feeling—maybe something in your body that tells you something is wrong or just not right? Or maybe it gives you hints of unfailing happiness, joy, and earth shattering love?

    If we would stop giving so much power to the mind, the ego, and just sat still and tapped into our body’s wisdom, we’d experience a healing power so great that it could prevent or reverse illness, disease, hate, self-loathing, and perfectionism.

    I’ve learned to listen closely to my lovely friend, my body. In the past I judged her, forced away any pain she tried to show me, and even shunned self-love. I used to beat her up with negativity, judgment, and ridicule.

    I wish I could take back all that abuse. My body didn’t deserve all the mean words, hurtful thoughts, and even constant manipulation with unhealthy diets and exercise.

    You see, I had an eating disorder.

    It’s hard to talk about, but I’ve learned that it is just a part of me—it’s in my cells, and my body remembers.

    I respect this and am able to let go and speak of my experience. This has taken a long time, however, but each time I bring up the truth, my body gives me a gentle squeeze and trust is deepened.

    I’m not sure how my issues with food started, but I would bet it happened sometime in childhood.

    When I was eight years old, someone I loved dearly told me that I was fat. I remember I was wearing my yellow cowgirl dance outfit (as I had a recital that day) when it happened. I was crushed.

    I stopped eating.

    I can remember writing down each item of food in a journal. I only allowed five things a day, such as one piece of toast or one stick of bubblegum.

    Of course I was growing and I was constantly starving, therefore, I’d inevitably take a trip to McDonalds at the end of the day. I would feel defeated, then resentful of my body, telling her to listen and not eat so much. This went on for years. (more…)

  • When Things Go Wrong: We Can Thrive, Not Just Survive

    When Things Go Wrong: We Can Thrive, Not Just Survive

    “Let us not look back in anger, nor forward in fear, but around in awareness.” ~James Thurber

    Ever thought you had achieved everything you wanted to? I did.

    My teens had passed in a blur of self-loathing regarding my body. (Tape measure, thighs, and many tears; need I say more?)

    I stumbled through my twenties not exactly sure what I wanted to do, but never feeling quite good enough—for what, I didn’t know, but surely I should have been better.

    By my thirties, though, I had settled into a career of holistic therapy and had three happy, healthy children, great friends, and a beautiful house in a village environment.

    What could possibly go wrong? Um, quite a lot. Somebody crashed into the back of my car, and in seconds my seemingly perfect life unraveled.

    Although I was in too much pain to stand or walk unaided, it never actually crossed my mind that I could stay in that state permanently.

    After numerous tests, X-rays, and MRI scans, when my consultant uttered the words, “I am sorry, there is nothing we can do for you,” I felt such a huge, blind panic that I could literally feel myself retreating inside of myself. That’s where I intended to stay.

    It isn’t hard to be invisible in a wheelchair. I felt like nobody saw me anymore, but then I didn’t know who I wanted them to see. All the words I thought defined me—like dog walker, Kinesiologist, runner, and kick boxer—no longer applied, and I didn’t know who I was.

    If I was popping into a shop I could make do with crutches, but people frequently asked me, “Have you hurt your foot?” I had to reply, “No, I am disabled.”

    People were embarrassed at my answer, and their response made me ashamed of myself. I became more and more insular until there was virtually nothing of me left. (more…)

  • The Secret to Lighting up a Room: Find Your Inner Glow

    The Secret to Lighting up a Room: Find Your Inner Glow

    “As we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.” ~Marianne Williamson

    We’ve all met that person at a party or a business function who seems to “light up a room.” People are drawn to them like moths to a flame.

    Maybe it’s the way she carries herself, or the easy way he laughs, or her eyes that seem totally focused and engaged in the moment. I’ve always noticed that they have sort of a “knowing” smile—a secret that maybe, just maybe, they might tell you.

    I have always wanted to know that secret.

    A confession: Up until a couple of years ago, I was a total happiness-faker. Yep. Even had myself fooled there for a while.

    It took a couple jobs lost, one relationship ended, and a few life crises thrown in for good measure before I woke up one morning and realized that I no longer saw “me” staring back. It was that moment of clarity where I finally saw things exactly as they were—and knew that they had to change.

    I was never more afraid in my entire life. But then again, the best things that happen to us in life are usually the most terrifying, no?

    As I’ve evolved in this journey, I’ve slowly inched closer towards the radiant person I want to be. For me, that means finding simplicity and a sense of flow in all aspects of my life—which has been surprisingly more difficult than I ever thought it would be.

    Simplifying our lives can be hard because it forces us to own our values and shape our lives around them. To take responsibility for our lives and cut away what we’ve outgrown. To do something, anything, every day to move us one step closer. 

    Most of the time, this process requires us to step outside of the norm—perhaps our “normal” persona; our “normal” relationship habits; our “normal” place in society. It’s challenging, uncomfortable (albeit extremely rewarding) work.

    Navigating the process can be even harder. How can we know what’s right when we’re stepping away from what we’ve always been told is just that?

    There are six actions I actively take in my life that have made all the difference. Each time I practice, I feel my inner glow burning just the tiniest bit brighter.

    (more…)

  • Emotionally Closed Off No More – How I’m Healing My Pain and Learning to Love

    Emotionally Closed Off No More – How I’m Healing My Pain and Learning to Love

    “Let yourself be open and life will be easier. A spoon of salt in a glass of water makes the water undrinkable. A spoon of salt in a lake is almost unnoticed.” ~ Buddha

    There’s only one way to survive life. Shut down, or get hurt and die.

    Well, that’s what I once believed.

    At some point during my childhood I decided that the only way to survive in the world was to shut down and close off my heart. I’m sure given a choice I would have chosen only to avoid the pain of life (not the pleasure), but open or shut are the only options available.

    Growing up, everyone and everything around me was inconsistent, physically and emotionally. My family moved many times throughout my childhood, and my parents were busy, professionally and socially.

    One minute, there—warm, light, and safe

    The next, gone—cold, dark, and alone!

    Every time I started to get settled, it would all disappear. I had no control, and I couldn’t trust anything. It became unbearable.

    I couldn’t make people or the world go away, so instead I shut up shop and hid my true self away from them, behind a false exterior.

    I put a smile on my face, and became a reflection to others’ wishes—like the princess in the tower, a prize to be admired, completely untouchable.

    I had a perfect facade.

    Today, years on, I am very much real.

    I work as a therapist and a writer now, and I’m on a soul quest to enjoy and share with the world.

    On my journey to get to this moment, I felt like an adrenaline junkie. I was always maxing out and pushing it to the edge to do anything to feel alive, through the darkest rivers of life and illuminating heights of spiritual enlightenment.

    I became ensconced in the spiritual world seeking practices to elevate my soul through meditation, esoteric reading, tarot cards, alternative religions, and mediumship. I experienced moments of peace, but I was still shut down. (more…)

  • Amp Up Your Self-Love: 7 Tools to Feel Great about Yourself

    Amp Up Your Self-Love: 7 Tools to Feel Great about Yourself

    “If you make friends with yourself you will never be alone.” ~Maxwell Maltz

    I’ve always been a rebel—independent, and a bit of a loner. I’ve prided myself on self-sufficiency. I like to do things my own way, and I don’t care for unrequested input (to put it mildly!).

    I’ve been self-employed since I was 22 in a profession it can be tough to make a living in. In large part, I’ve been successful because of my ability to care for and emotionally support myself.

    For me, this self-love has served my goal of doing what I want to do with my life, regardless of whether I have any support from the outside world or not.

    Despite all the practice, I don’t fully have this self-love thing down. It’s an ongoing project, and some days are better than others. On the not-so-fab days, I’ve got some techniques I use to up the ante on feeling great about me.

    1. Make a list of your accomplishments.

    I guarantee there have been many. Nobel prize nominations are not required. Maybe you bake amazing pies, or you’re the person your friends always call when they want a sympathetic ear, or you earned a degree late in life.

    Refer to this list when you’re feeling bad about yourself. Soak in all the cool stuff you’ve achieved and remind yourself how awesome you are. Personally, I love the reminder that I was voted “most unique” in high school.

    2. Learn something new.

    You don’t have to become an expert on an entire subject (unless that’s appealing). Learn how to say “have a nice day” in German (“Habt einen schönen tag!”), check out a Ted talk, or hit up Wikipedia’s “random article” link until you find something interesting.

    Pointing our focus toward something outside of ourselves is stimulating; it also expands our world and our perspective. Additionally, learning makes your brain happy.  (more…)

  • Giveaway and Author Interview: Choosing Me Before We

    Giveaway and Author Interview: Choosing Me Before We

    Note: This winners for this giveaway have already been chosen. Subscribe to Tiny Buddha for free daily or weekly emails and to learn about future giveaways!

    The Winners:

    We all have it: a voice inside our heads that tells us what we can and cannot do and undermines our self-esteem. Sometimes it’s cruel. Sometimes it’s condescending. Most of the time, it’s completely inaccurate.

    If we’re not mindful, it can limit our ability to live peaceful, purposeful lives, guided by our interests and passions. We need to love ourselves to love our lives, and in order to love ourselves, we need to be good to ourselves.

    Author and speaker Christine Arylo has made a career out of helping women develop self-love and silence their “inner mean girls.”

    In 2001, Christine’s fiancé (and boyfriend of 15 years) confessed that he no longer loved her, on the way to their engagement party—and that he’d been cheating on her. After realizing she’d never learned to love herself, she embarked on a spiritual journey, and in the process, transformed herself and her life.

    In her book Choosing ME before WE, Christine shares stories, insights, and exercises to help women come to know themselves and learn to put themselves first.

    If you’ve ever felt stuck in an unfulfilling relationship (or recognized an unhealthy pattern  in your love life), this book may help you create meaningful change from the inside out.

    The Giveaway

    To enter to win 1 of 2 free copies of Choosing ME Before WE

    • Leave a comment below.
    • Tweet: RT @tinybuddha Book GIVEAWAY & Interview: Choosing ME Before WE http://bit.ly/KekqLh

    If you don’t have a Twitter account, you can still enter by completing the first step. You can enter until midnight PST on Friday, June 22nd. (more…)