Tiny Buddha

Tag: present

  • Are You Holding Yourself Back with a Story About the Past?

    Are You Holding Yourself Back with a Story About the Past?

    “The distinction between the past, present, and future is only a stubbornly persistent illusion.” ~Albert Einstein 

    One morning I woke up inexplicably sad. I sat on my bed trying to make sense of how I felt and what could be behind it. Intuitively, I grabbed one of the many books lying on my night table and opened it in a random place.

    What I had in my hands was A New Earth: Awakening to Your Life’s Purpose by Eckhart Tolle, and the chapter was called “Breaking Free.”

    Tolle explains how we tend to be unconsciously engaged in stories from the past and habitual thoughts about them and how we avoid the feelings associated with them.

    Avoiding uncomfortable feelings instead of allowing them to wound us is not the answer, Tolle warns us; emotion is a response to what is happening in the mind.

    Our ego clings to false stories that create fear, anger, jealousy, and other emotional responses because it feeds on the past and future for its existence.

    The best thing we can do to reduce the impact of these emotions is acknowledge them.

    Uncomfortable emotions bring the precious gift of making us aware that we’re trapped in thoughts, beliefs, stories, and old interpretations of ourselves. By being present with our emotions, we can break our identification with them and release the past.

    Reminded once more that every emotion is a messenger of something else that’s running deeper, I allowed my sadness to just “be.”

    I could see how my past beliefs of being unwanted, undeserving, and punished were dominating the scene. I was living a past story as if it were happening today with an intensity that surprised me.

    I realized then that the stories we tell ourselves are a mixture of “old emotions” and experiences we have come to feel as our identity.

    “The Unwanted Me” is a personal story that has pervaded my life for too long, making me feel terrified about showing what I have to offer and taking pertinent actions.

    From an early age I felt that I was somehow “different.” My environment was one of noisy activities—hanging out, watching TV, or playing video games—while I enjoyed reading, silence, nature, learning, being by myself, and engaging in artistic or volunteering activities.

    I was an extroverted introvert; I loved to talk about things I was passionate about, and others mocked me for this.

    The rejection made me disappear into a very rich but lonely inner world. As I grew up, I developed an inquisitive mind and artistic tendencies, which seemed to aggravate and scare my relatives and acquaintances even more than my “nerdy” style.

    How could I feel so inspired and touched by things that drove others nuts? The battle to correct and bring back on track this lost sheep became so fierce and devastating that it ended with me having to leave home to be able to pursue my dreams.

    Finding my way to who I was included not only being homeless and broke but also feeling enormous amounts of guilt and shame for the disappointment and pain I was causing my loved ones by doing the “wrong things.”

    It took a lot of hard work to get where I am now. Long nights filled with doubts about my abilities and choices made the call for becoming an artist a painful one.

    The pleasure and wonder I felt for the arts became tainted by the belief that there was something inherently wrong with me and I was being punished for challenging traditional points of view.

    What I understand today is that I was struggling not only with the “real” day-to-day challenges but also with this invisible past story silently sabotaging my efforts. This is the reason why I feel so tired and frustrated sometimes.

    I have actually enjoyed the benefit of having good people in my life and even recognition, but because I was unaware of a hidden script running the show, it took me loads of effort to believe people actually appreciated me for my qualities instead of pitying me.

    I felt left alone many times in my life, which was both the result of the old pattern of being unwanted and punished and the fuel that kept the pattern going.

    I know better now than to let the old story run wild instead of building the one I want to live. Whenever I feel this way again, I can ask myself: Who is speaking? Is it the real me, or my old “unhappy,” “unwanted,” “unworthy” (fill the blank) story?

    Knowing what story we are telling ourselves helps us learn, little by little, to trust life and build the sense of self-worth we need to succeed and be fulfilled.

  • Life Isn’t a Race: Allow Yourself to Be Happy in the Present

    Life Isn’t a Race: Allow Yourself to Be Happy in the Present

    Happy Guy

    “Happiness is the absence of striving for happiness.”  ~Chuang Tzu

    At an early age I learned that nothing in life is guaranteed. When I was eleven years old, a close friend and classmate lost his battle with cancer. After that, I had several more instances of losing loved ones, some expected, others not so much.

    After having gone through so much loss at such an early age, my outlook on life was one word: rushed.

    I wanted to get through college as fast as I could, while taking on as much as I could. I wanted to have meaningful relationships and foster my athletic abilities. I wanted to get out into the real world and have a great job where I felt like I mattered, and made a difference.

    I had graduated college a semester early, and I was blindsided by how seemingly cold the real world was and by the fact that I had all of these dreams with little to no understanding as to how they were going to come to fruition—as fast as possible.

    After all, time was of the essence because I could die tomorrow, or the day after that, or the day after that… (What twenty-something year olds think like that?)

    With the economy on the decline, I was only able to find a job at a nearby hospital as a transportation aide. This basically entailed bringing patients to and from their appointments within the hospital.

    While I did enjoy certain aspects of this job, such as trying to make each and every person I transported smile during their otherwise not-so-great day, the attitudes of fellow hospital staff left me feeling worthless, as I was mocked by physicians and nurses for no other reason than my job title.

    As months crept on, I became seriously devastated at the thought of my future success being delayed any further. It was hard to feel like success was on the horizon when those who were supposed to be my “teammates” were treating me so poorly.  I was genuinely distraught over the uncertainty of what tomorrow was going to bring.

    I tried my very best to trudge on, with the sole thought and hope that “surely another career wouldn’t be like this, right?”

    About six months later I was offered a different job. It wasn’t exactly like my previous one, but left me feeling once again like I was on another rollercoaster ride, this time with a healthcare consulting company.

    When I was offered this position that would have me relocating to Pennsylvania, I packed my bags as quickly as I could. I seized the moment, not knowing when another opportunity would present itself.

    In this position I had effectively transitioned from a job that required direct interaction with patients, to a role that was focused on how hospitals and medical groups financially managed themselves.

    While my previous critics during my time as a transportation aide would have deemed this job title more favorable, this consulting position did not leave me feeling any better at the end of the day.   

    Now, I was boots-on-the-ground implementing change within an organization, with one major problem: my boss was one of the most despised people at the hospital.

    This left me putting out fires at every turn, and put me in a position where I felt forced to back certain causes I didn’t truly believe in because I was told to “step up, or step out,” by the management within the consulting company.

    During this time, I was spending ten to twelve hours a day at work, getting nothing more in return than feeling emotionally and mentally drained at the day’s end.

    While I did have a small group of friends in the area, I wasn’t close to any of them, as this group of individuals primarily focused on surface-level relationships and drinking.

    To fill any remaining time I had available to me, I began training for an Olympic distance triathlon.

    More or less, I threw all of the things that I felt I needed to achieve to feel happy in life up in the air, hoping at least one would catch, but none of them did.

    My failure in this approach was that I was running—not just in a “hey, I’m training for an Olympic distance triathlon” kind of way, but in an “oh-my-gosh, I’m terrified to leave any amount of time free because if I truly take a step back and look at my life, I will realize how unhappy I am and how unimportant all of this is” kind of way.

    I was cramming my days so full in an attempt to truly experience the world like my other friends and family members never had the chance to, and in doing this, I wasn’t actually experiencing anything at all.

    I didn’t know who I was, and I most certainly didn’t know what I wanted.

    Fast forward a year and a half and here I am, now located in Boise, Idaho, where I have relinquished “striving for happiness,” because happiness is not something you strive for.

    When I moved to Idaho for another job opportunity, I decided not to fill all my downtime like I had in the past.

    At first, I felt truly and utterly alone. Things were quiet, and it became apparent that in trying to experience everything around me and check items off of my bucket list, I had neglected to cope with several past experiences.

    The loss of loved ones, the ending of relationships, and past decisions that did not suit me all haunted me in my downtime.

    Through counseling and deep self-reflection over the past several months, I have been able to resolve many of these feelings and have learned, among other things, that happiness is something that already lies within us.

    It is a personal choice, however, whether or not we allow ourselves to feel it.

    I believe happiness is choosing to let go of those situations and people who do not suit us personally. It is living in the moment, rather than, in my case, living in fear that the moment is going to be over before I’m ready.

    It is here that I have allowed myself to only invest time in what truly interests and suits me, rather than what I feel obligated to achieve.

    I have made time to enjoy exercising, to cherish my family and friends, to read and write, and to enjoy the simplicity of life rather than stress over all of life’s complexities. In realizing how much I have missed while running from my past and planning far into the future, I have become truly present.

    We all have the ability to enjoy our lives, but it can’t happen if we’re racing toward the future. If we want to be happy, we have to choose to create happiness now.

    Photo by rusticus80

  • How to Fall Back in Love With Your Life

    How to Fall Back in Love With Your Life

    Pure Joy

    “If we look at the world with a love of life, the world will reveal its beauty to us.” ~Daisaku Ikeda

    Ever found yourself in a rut, just waiting for some force of the Universe to pull you out?

    When ennui sets in, it can be hard to find a way back into the light, but it typically takes a series of events and choices for us to be living a life out of sync with our personal goals, values, and passions.

    Last year, I found myself in one of these ruts. After spinning my wheels for quite some time, I realized my so-called attempts at improving my circumstances were a farce—I was just exhausting my energy waiting for a savior to come to my rescue.

    Finally, when that savior never came, I snapped out of it and acknowledged I don’t live in some fantasy novel, and can’t invoke, by sheer will, a knight in shining armor. As Alice Sebold wrote in her memoir, Lucky, “You save yourself or you remain unsaved.”

    At the time, I was in a job I had long outgrown. A job that no longer provided challenge, growth, or even companionship. This alone had come to impact everything else in my life.

    Spending solitary day after solitary day was taking its toll, zapping my energy. By the end of the day, I no longer had anything left and didn’t want to do the things I normally enjoyed, like yoga or meeting with friends. I even struggled to regularly apply to new positions, disappointed and despairing with each rejection.

    Since I had just completed my masters program, I felt even more frustrated at my prospects. Had I just wasted three years of my life pursuing a degree that didn’t fit with my values or goals? Would I need to go to school all over again?

    Too many unanswered questions left me feeling hopeless and unmotivated.

    Then I met Hazel, a career coach I instantly connected with. It took me a few months, but I finally called her to schedule a session.

    Hazel helped me work through my self-limiting beliefs, determine my values—and value—and recognize that I could live authentically right now. I didn’t have to start from scratch.

    Here’s what I learned:

    1. Take the long way home.

    Sometimes it takes a literal change in perspective to change your mental perspective. During a week when my car was in the shop, I decided to walk home instead of catching the bus.

    It was raining outside, and the walk was at least seven miles, but I had nowhere to be. Some of the roads I took were roads I’d never taken before and some I’d driven many times. All of them were new to me that day.

    When I first moved to Denver, I walked everywhere, and everything was magical because it was new and special and offered up so much possibility. After being here for three years, the novelty had worn off and it was familiar—and the magic and possibility I felt at twenty-four seemed to have worn off with it.

    This walk brought me back the basics and opened my heart back up to the magic. I didn’t have to move to a new place, a place that would also inevitably become home and lose its magic if I let it. I just had to change my perspective.

    When we get bored or restless, we don’t necessarily have to move on. By taking the long way home, I fell back in love with my town, and by changing my physical perspective, I was able to see all of the possibilities that had been there all along.

    2. Move.

    I highly encourage movement to be a part of your daily life. Like anyone else, I can and will find excuses not to get outdoors or to yoga, but when I do, I feel recharged, centered, and empowered. Movement does this faster and better than anything else I’ve found.

    There’s a funny saying that if you stand on your head for a few minutes every day, you’ll change your perspective. I think this goes movement, too. When you shift your focus through movement, you start to see things a little differently, and the possibilities open up again.

    3. Surround yourself with the right people.

    There’s nothing wrong with relating to people or venting every now and again, but it’s also important to surround yourself with people and conversations that leverage enthusiasm, excitement, and satisfaction. Spend time with people who build you up, see and encourage your strengths, and who are, themselves, living authentically.

    Energy is contagious, and if you’re around positive energy and speaking with others in terms of positivity, you’ll begin to restructure your thinking, and, ultimately, the way you see and experience the world around you.

    4. Be present.

    I know, I know—this one’s been said before. But it can’t be said enough. One of the main reasons people feel dissatisfaction with their life is because they’re missing it.

    When we’re not present, we become a little numb.

    Taking in this very moment as it is, truly engaging—rather than living in your head, thinking about what comes next, or brooding (or pining) over what has past—can really heighten your appreciation and keep you from feeling that sense of emptiness that results from living somewhere other than the here and now.

    You may even be surprised by how easy it is to learn new things or remember pieces of information when you start to fully tune in.

    5. Identify your values.

    I had to identify human connection as one of my top values before I realized there was nothing wrong with me just because I couldn’t work in isolation. Once I recognized what was vital to my emotional well-being, I could pursue a life that ensured my values were a part of my daily world.

    What are your values? We often admire others and think we should be doing what they are doing to be successful and satisfied with our lives. In actuality, we probably admire them because they are living out their own truth. Authenticity is attractive, not quality X, Y or Z.

    Look within, not to others, to find your values; once you do, figure out how they can be put into action so you are living your most authentic life, and start taking steps, large or small, to make them your reality.

    6. Serve others.

    Ever notice how a little time in your head can help clarify things, while too much time just makes everything murkier? Get out of there, already!

    I hate to say it, but we (and I include myself in this statement) are a bit of a self-absorbed society. When we’re always thinking about me, myself and I, we become quickly dissatisfied. Maybe it’s too much time spent with unproductive thoughts or a lack of connectedness, but this self-absorption can quickly bring us down.

    The surest way to stop thinking about yourself is to start thinking about someone else. When you do something for someone else—out of love, compassion or connectedness—not obligation, you might find you’ve forgotten your troubles, and life actually feels fuller, more meaningful.

    I believe we are all connected and thus all have our own roles to play in which we contribute to the collective good. When we connect to that role, we simultaneously connect to our purpose and to each other, filling up that hollowness we can get when we’re not feeling so in love with our life.

    Falling back in love with your life requires a little determination and reflection, but mostly it’s about letting go and just tuning in—to your most authentic self and to the world and people around you.

    Photo by bellaleb-photo

  • How Accepting Your Circumstances Can Help You Find Something Better

    How Accepting Your Circumstances Can Help You Find Something Better

    Happy

    “Accept what is, let go of what was, and have faith in what will be.” ~Sonia Ricotti

    I’m on an old bus in Kathmandu, the capital of Nepal, where I’m staying on a three-month tourist visa. I look through the window at the streets, dirty beyond belief.

    Thick dust in the air mixes with the pollution of exhaust fumes; I see men spitting on pavements and small children with greasy hair roaming the streets in search of people kind enough to give a few coins.

    I witness dirty stray dogs that look like they have rabies, mingling in the crowd; all shops look the same—small, dirty, and grey.

    I resisted it all during the first month of my stay, but this resistance only created misery. Why on earth do I always choose the road less travelled and not stick to the touristy spots, where I could remain blissfully unaware of the reality of Nepal?

    I know the answer to this question; I always knew it. The universe is trying to teach me a lesson of acceptance and non-resistance. I couldn’t learn the lesson as long as I viewed life in Nepal in a judgmental way.

    As soon as I eased into the country and became willing to view it without judgment, a whole new world opened up before my eyes.

    I suddenly saw another side of Nepal: I noticed dirty yet adorable, happy children chasing kites on the green grass plot near the street; I noticed a mother sitting on the road and swinging her child in a loving way; I saw white broad smiles in tanned faces.

    What’s most important, I felt the unity these people experience because they share this unique way of life. Brotherly love is in full swing here, and in India, but nothing of that sort I witnessed in the west.

    I felt the relief people feel to shut away the dust and pollution and enter a peaceful atmosphere of a café to enjoy a latte. I also felt the home-feeling people get sitting on roadsides, sipping over-sweetened milk teas.

    This is what they know and this is what they choose to experience—who am I to judge all this?

    This experience of opening up taught me the importance of non-resistance. When you’re observing everything without judgment and accepting things as they are, you feel completely at peace with yourself and experience real happiness within.

    Many people don’t learn this lesson all their lives, like those stuck in unpleasant circumstances they hate. Until they learn this lesson, they will keep being stuck.

    In India, where I currently live, many expats are stuck. They look shabby, they’re often drunk, and they complain about how appalling the life in India is, and yet they keep living here. Many of them hate the culture, and all their lives consist of resisting the way things are.

    How Acceptance Helped Me Move to a Country That’s Perfect for Me

    I know it’s horrible to be stuck somewhere you dislike and be unable to move on. However, this happens when we resist our circumstances. As soon as we wholeheartedly accept them, the door opens for a change, because acceptance dissolves the limited mindset that prevents us from seeing opportunities.

    When I moved to England from Lithuania, my home country, I got stuck in a horrible town with factories and nothing to do in my spare time except shop in soul-less shopping centers.

    What kept me stuck there was my studies and later a horrible job, which gave me a steady paycheck. I disliked the job, yet I felt comfortable. I was afraid to quit it because I didn’t know if I could find a better one.

    I struggled with these surroundings and I hated them with all my heart. However, when I started reading self-help books, I got convinced that I was where I was because my mindset had attracted me there, and through my resistance I had gotten myself more stuck.

    As I explained before, resistance limited my understanding of the world. I was unwilling to see the positive side of things, and thus I couldn’t spot any opportunities that would have shown me a way out.

    When I realized this, I changed my strategy. I started accepting my situation instead of resisting it. Instead of thinking about how horrible the town was, I tried to be neutral about it, so I wouldn’t channel negative emotions into the situation and thus get more stuck.

    I also decided to channel the emotions of happiness and joy into London, the city I loved, and visited whenever I had time and money.

    Whenever a negative emotion or thought would arise about the town I lived in, I reminded myself that when my mindset changed—when I became more positive and open—I would more easily find a way to move.

    My neutral attitude toward the town I lived in gradually made me see a more balanced view of it and eventually, appreciate the positive aspects. I noticed, for example, that the town had beautiful parks and ponds, and that some people living there were interesting and kind.

    Developing understanding and acceptance opened the doors for a change.

    As I became more open-minded and happier, I started noticing and acting on new opportunities. For example, I came across information about how to start my own business and thus acted on it.

    Within a year or so of this change of mind, I moved to London, which I thoroughly enjoyed.

    This non-resisting attitude made me dissolve some of the limits of my mind and thus I became more intuitive. This intuition eventually led me to the country where I felt most at home—India.

    If I had never learned this lesson of non-resistance, I would probably still be stuck in that horrible town, cursing my situation to this day.

    —

    Wherever you are and whatever you experience, try to be at peace with it. If it’s hard to think positively about your situation, at least don’t focus on the negatives, and instead focus on something you’d like to experience.

    It may help to make a list of things you’re grateful for and the positive aspects of whatever you resist. Focus on those aspects completely, and soon your mind will become more positive and more accepting of your present circumstances.

    This shift in focus will eventually open the door to circumstances that are more empowering and positive.

    Photo by Courtney Carmody

  • Let Yourself Be Instead of Pushing to Get Things Done

    Let Yourself Be Instead of Pushing to Get Things Done

    Just Be

    “When you try to control everything, you enjoy nothing. Sometimes you just need to relax, breathe, let go and live in the moment.” ~Unknown

    Recently I went to an annual fall retreat for my graduate program. This was exactly what my heart was longing for up until this point. I felt overworked by school and overwhelmed by the busyness of the city and suburban life. I needed something different, something that would help me feel more grounded and at ease.

    We went out to Middle-of-no-where-on-top-a-mountain, California, where the only sign of civilization was the four-way highway down below. I’m originally from Middle-of-no-where, Illinois, so being in nature felt like home to me.

    I’m very familiar and comfortable with nature, and I felt I had been greatly neglecting that deep desire to connect with nature once again.

    This was not the first time I felt disconnected. During my eighteen months living abroad in Korea, I hardly spent time in nature. With so many buildings, cars, and people, I felt easily overwhelmed with other people’s energy and completely out of balance.

    Many of us feel this way in our modern day technology and go-go-go lifestyles. We tend to feel drained, tired, easily irritated, and stressed.

    Because of this imbalance, I noticed it was common to have fleeting thoughts like:

    “Agh, why the heck can’t I find a parking spot?!”

    “Darnit, I’m going to be late. People, get out of my way!”

    “Why on earth does this line have to be so long?”

    Though I noticed that many of these thoughts come and go rather quickly, the energy produced from them would “stick” and make it harder to be present.

    These types of thoughts are very common because our habitual minds (or egos) want things done now rather than to simply be during the experience and get things done in our own time.

    Our ego is the part of us that likes to reject the moment and focus on the future rather than accept what is in the present so we can experience joy. 

    So rather than being anxious and frustrated about not finding a parking place, we accept the moment and trust that, regardless of this minor obstacle, everything is wonderful and as it should be.

    Although my intention for the retreat was to feel relaxed, rejuvenated, and refreshed, by the end of the day I didn’t quite feel this way. I felt my time there wasn’t long enough. I wanted to spend time being present with the sound of the crickets and to marvel over the smells of nature so much more.

    Despite my inner longing for more time to connect with nature, I felt my responsibilities were forcing me to go back.

    However, once I returned to suburban life, I didn’t fall into typical morning and day routine. I kept feeling my body pushing me to do something else. I woke up and went for an early morning walk. This time, without my phone—just my keys.

    As I walked, I noticed and marveled over the large evergreens outside of my apartment. I noticed the maple leaves on the ground with beautiful fall colors. I listened closely to the sound of water fountains and allowed myself to feel peace from the sounds.

    This peaceful feeling carried into the afternoon, when I avoided watching television or doing any work. Rather, I simply did yoga—and not in a structured, routine video kind of way but simply a “do the move I feel I need to do right now” kind of way.

    I realized I didn’t need an escape from the city; all I needed was an escape from myself—my own mind. All I needed was to just sit back, relax, and just be without any motive or push to do things.

    In our society we are hardwired to always be doing something. We tell ourselves that we have to go grocery shopping, do laundry, take out the trash, exercise, work, study, watch TV, and so on. How often do we do things without the pressure to do but rather to be?

    Why don’t we simply be when we take out the trash? Why don’t we simply be when we exercise? Why don’t we simply be when we clean our house or apartment?

    To “simply be” means to be connected. Ultimately, it doesn’t matter what we are doing but rather the feeling behind the action. In other words, what thoughts are you having during the activity? 

    Are you in your mind, rejecting the moment, or accepting what is? Are you complaining about having to do the activity or are you making the most of it? Are you all preoccupied with all the other things you need to do today or are you simply being present with what you are currently doing?

    When we reject, complain, or are preoccupied with thoughts about the past or future, we create this inner pressure within ourselves that causes the symptoms of stress. However, if we simply accept what is and choose to enjoy and really take in what life has to offer, at that moment, then we can be stress-free.

    When we let go of the need to push and “get things done now,” we can actually enjoy ourselves. When we choose to accept the present moment, we can then experience a sense of peace, calm, and joy of life. We can enjoy the moment for what it truly is.

    Think of all the various things you need to do today, tomorrow, or this week. What tasks can you shift yourself from “pushing to get it done” into simply allowing yourself to be so you can simply enjoy the moment?

    Perhaps you can focus on the present while…

    • Exercising
    • Cleaning the kitchen floor
    • Doing dishes
    • Watering your plants
    • Feeding your pet
    • Walking in the morning
    • Driving to work

    When we choose to let go and just be in the moment, we can fully enjoy what life has to offer us right now, with no formal nature retreat required!

    I challenge you to choose a daily task this week where you are going to try to simply be while doing it. What can you start doing today to help you be more present?

    Photo by Hartwig HKD

  • Mystical Moments: 10 Ways to Feel More Engaged and Alive

    Mystical Moments: 10 Ways to Feel More Engaged and Alive

    Meditation

    “Your daily life is your temple and your religion. Whenever you enter into it take with you your all.” ~Kahlil Gibran

    I had to learn the hard way that you don’t have to walk across hot coals or move to the desert and eat locusts and honey in order to have a mystical, life-changing experience.

    As a young man I was anxious and driven, always looking ahead to another goal, always hoping to find some ultimate experience. I believed that life was a challenge that needed to be constantly tackled. Often, this meant feeling overworked and pulled-apart, and I failed to enjoy the journey of life.

    I joined the Peace Corps with the naïve goal of saving the world and finding some kind of grand purpose. Instead, the complexity of our world’s problems befuddled me.

    I went abroad to help people and they ended up helping me.

    Growing up surrounded by wealth, I didn’t understand true kindness until my poor neighbors shared their simple meals with me. Raised in a culture where we are encouraged to hoard our wealth, I did not understand generosity until strangers welcomed me into their crumbling homes and offered me gifts right off their shelves.

    As I’ve gotten older, had kids, and experienced successes and failures, I’m still learning that the true measure of our lives is the way we enjoy the simplest experiences.

    Perhaps the gap between rich and poor does not matter as much as the gap between those who can enjoy the moment and those who can’t. And this is what the great mystics have always said.

    After trying to climb mountains, I learned that sometimes the simplest, most down-to-earth things, like how you eat an orange or enjoy the smile of a child, are the moments that make life amazing.

    A mystical experience is any experience where you pause and touch the perfect, wonderful present moment in a tangible and fresh way. Life is full of great opportunities. Be an instant mystic. Here are ten simple ways (nudity and drums optional).

    1. Play with a child. Play like a child.

    Children are the ultimate Zen masters. They come out of the womb fully enlightened, completely living in the moment, taking every experience in without all the extra layers of thought and worry we pile on. Then, sadly, they become adults.

    But you can get some of this back by dropping the rake, the bills, and the dishes in order to push toy cars, throw leaves, and make snow angels. Lose yourself in the moment. Act silly. Make a fool of yourself.

    Mystics often are mistaken for idiots. No kids available? I can loan you three, or I’m sure you have a friend or neighbor who would oblige as well.

    2. Laugh hard.

    Humor is a great way to shake off painful emotions and transcend the everyday.

    After a tough day, my wife and I will hit the internet and watch a few Saturday Night Live skits or some of the Colbert Report just to loosen us up and remind our heads that life should not be taken too seriously. A family tickle fest never hurts either.

    3. Attend a new spiritual service.

    Historically, church functioned as a weekly stopping point for people to reflect and connect. That’s great. But church can become a rut, especially if you go every week to hear the same book read by the same person who usually says the same stuff.

    Try a new service. Unitarian. Wiccan. Buddhist. Catholic. I recently tried out a Quaker service. We sat in complete silence for an hour. At first, I was petrified. I wanted to run out screaming. But then I settled into this beautiful state of relaxed peace.

    4. Read a mystical book by an enlightened person.

    There are so many great spiritual books out there that can help you step out of your frantic, everyday life and get you to look into to the soul. Eckhart Tolle is a current best-selling author with lots of good stuff. Fr. Anthony DeMello’s Awareness is wonderful and challenging. I love reading Allan Watts as a way to stretch my spiritual imagination.

    Pick up a Zen book, like Zen Flesh, Zen Bones, and puzzle over some of the classic riddles (called Koans). Or grab a classic in mystical living by the likes of Brother Lawrence, Meister Eckhart, Rumi, or Lao Tzu.

    5. Walk alone in the woods or by a river.

    No headphones. No talking. Walk slowly. You’re not working out your body; you’re working out your soul. Use a simple mantra or mindful phrase, like “In-Out, Deep-Slow, Calm-Ease, Smile-Release,” to stop your incessant thinking.

    Spiritual master Krishnamurti once summarized the essence of all mystical practices in two words: “don’t think.” When you’re alone in nature, your ego falls away, leaving you with yourself.

    6. Stargaze.

    Head to the country at night and lay out under the sky. Stargazing is a great way to remember the vastness of the universe. Inside us is that same vastness. We are made from atoms that were once part of the cosmos.

    Being mystical is not about floating away on a cloud of euphoria. It’s about fully being in the perfect moment. The stars are there every night. Are we?

    7. Listen to a great symphony or opera.

    A mystical experience can be any experience that forces you to slow down and activate new parts of your brain, triggering insight and expansive thinking. I love indie-rock, but after a long day of work, music without words gives space for my spinning brain to slow down.

    8. Fast.

    Fasting has been used as a mystical practice for centuries by nearly every tradition out there, and that was back when food was hard to come by! It’s a great way to test your self-control, learn to deal with difficult feelings, let go of ingrained habits, and commune with those less fortunate in the world. And it’s free. (Of course, with eating disorders on the rise, please make sure this practice is right for you by consulting with your doctor.)

    9. Volunteer.

    Get outside of your life, literally, and wrap yourselves up in someone else’s. I recommend spending time with the elderly, people who were alive before iPhones and Google (hard to believe). Consider not telling anybody what you’re doing; otherwise, volunteering just becomes another way to strengthen the ego.

    10. Meditate.

    Meditation is the mystical practice used for millennia by countless great spiritual thinkers. It’s been proven by scientists to extend life and increase happiness. Isn’t it worth giving a try?

    Stop your mind for a few moments. Look for the one inside you who knows you know. Count your breathing. Use one of Thich Nhat Hanh’s simple mindful meditations: “Breathing in, I smile; breathing out, I relax.”

    By meditating, you change yourself and the world. You transform your soul with silence and transform the planet by creating a small, but powerful, pocket of peace.

    If you really struggle with sitting still and calming your mind, use some light yoga. There are many great instructors out there who combine meditation techniques with yoga. Try ten or twenty minutes for a few days in a row. Notice the changes. You’ll be surprised.

    A mystical moment is simply any moment when you are fully alive, in the present, embracing what is happening. Doing dishes can be a mystical experience! But if all else fails, there’s always sitting naked in a cave beating a drum.

    Photo by Cornelia Kopp

  • Embracing Change and Living with Passion: Awaken your Phoenix Spirit

    Embracing Change and Living with Passion: Awaken your Phoenix Spirit

    Triple Phoenix

    “All the wonders you seek are within yourself.” ~Sir Thomas Browne

    As history claims, the phoenix began as a common bird that’s nest caught on fire by the hand of a god-like figure. As the fire started to consume the bird, instead of suffering, she decided to dance in the flames.

    Eventually, the fire reduced the bird to ashes. However, this was not the end of that wise bird, for she knew her ending was only the beginning—the beginning of something greater than what she ever thought possible, a resurrection.

    The seemingly done-for bird emerged, more powerful and more beautiful than ever. The phoenix represents a rebirth. A rebirth of the body, mind, and soul, that unleashes itself when the spirit is set free from its self-inflicted shackles.

    I can relate to this story. For a long time I wondered if this fire burning inside me would find its way out and lead me to fulfill my own potential.

    With much struggle and countless nights awake, thinking about who I was and what it was that I really wanted to do, I went to University and obtained a business degree. I did this not because I really liked business but because I took the safe route, thinking that this degree would be my best chance of getting a job with a good pay.

    Although I received great grades, I was uninspired and lost, and afterward went from job to job and bad relationship to bad relationship, trying to find my way in all the wrong places.

    After a devastating breakup I realized that I needed some serious self-work. I asked myself: Why was I continuously looking on the outside for acceptance and fulfillment?

    Feeling at my lowest point, I decided I would finally work on what was inside and take a completely different path in order to find myself. I began a yoga teacher training course with a real Indian guru—an 88-year-old man who looked 60 and healthier than I was—who completely changed my outlook and my life.

    Skeptical at first by his humble, simplistic studio and easy yoga positions, I pushed on and stayed dedicated. Through practice, I could finally see through all my negative thoughts and constant worries about the past and the future, and just be—be in the present moment.

    I was freed of my own mind, and emerged as a more confident, self-loving, and less worrisome person. I was closer than ever to finding the real me, my own inner phoenix, my spirit.

    I redirected my thoughts, let go of people and career paths that did not serve my spirit, and embraced these choices as opportunities for growth. I saw it all as a new beginning to put me back on my true path.

    Now, instead of seeking answers and acceptance from the outside, I am true to myself and let my own inner voice guide me throughout my life.

    I learned that the fulfillment I desperately sought began with passion, regardless of what the passion is.

    I realized that my passions always lay in helping others and in the arts, especially music. I decided to join a choir, and to get involved in the community by volunteering at my local YMCA.

    I also found a job in a creative arts company and started teaching yoga, along with doing some interior design on the side.

    I am now in various shows with the choir around my city, am in more shape because of yoga and my free gym membership at the Y, and have a healthier and happier work-life balance.

    You can do something with what you enjoy doing, and it will eventually lead you to a place you never dreamed of. We all owe it to ourselves to put to use our gifts, because that’s why we have them!

    Let me tell you a secret about the phoenix: she’s in all of us.

    She’s there, just waiting to be unleashed. That fiery feeling inside of us, wanting to change our lives, feeling as though something is missing, this is the pre-condition of a radical change that is naturally starting to occur in your life.

    It is the passion within you waiting to be expressed, and ultimately the ending of the old you. Of course, one of the scariest things in life is change, but to embrace change is to embrace life.

    To be true to the feeling inside you, urging you to take another road if you are going down the wrong one is to be true to yourself.

    How do you act upon this inner change burning inside you? The answer is simpler than you think. Start by more frequently pursuing things that make you happy.

    As you move forward, you might start hearing those negative voices inside your head. That is normal and can be helped! Take a yoga class, or simply spend some quiet time alone listening to some soothing music to help clear your mind, and pray.

    Pay no mind to others’ opinions, or what others believe to be the right path for you. You can always start small. Sometimes just being a part of what you love can be enough.

    I have always wanted to be a singer, and just being able to sing for people within a group fulfills my need.

    I always have a need to make a difference in the world, and in my way I am doing so by volunteering for only three hours a week for a cause that I believe in, which to me is payment to my soul.

    Eventually doing these things that I loved uplifted me and set me back on my path.

    No one can know what truly makes you happy and alive except you. Eventually, your happiness will be enough to make anyone who doubted your choices come around—and your joy will be contagious to them, as well.

    Whether it be cooking, decorating, being with animals, or playing music, find a way to awaken that spark within you, and that glow will continue to grow.

    Through that growth you will start to awaken the phoenix within you, inspire others to do the same, and become stronger and more self-fulfilled than ever.

    Photo by Cameron Russell

  • Increasing Self-Esteem and Happiness: 8 Steps to a Fulfilled Life

    Increasing Self-Esteem and Happiness: 8 Steps to a Fulfilled Life

    man-with-arms-raised

    “All that we are is the result of what we have thought. The mind is everything. What we think we become.” ~Buddha

    A few nights ago I did a search on Google Ad Words to compare the words “self-esteem” and “happy.” I discovered that over fifty-five million people search for the word “happy” every month, whereas just 800,000+ people search for “self-esteem.”

    Okay, I get it; we just want to be happy. But in order to be happy we need the foundation first, and the key ingredient is a healthy self-esteem. Once we increase our self-esteem, happiness comes with it.

    Creating a healthy sense of self-esteem might mean tons of work for some of us. It all starts with disciplining our thoughts.

    When I was in my twenties I was as far away from understanding this as you can imagine being. I used to think I was the ugliest person on the planet. I went through two terrible depressions, and I even contemplated suicide.

    All of this happened because I lacked gratitude for being alive, and I struggled with self-acceptance, discipline, and forgiveness. I had trouble forgiving myself because I would be too tough on myself whenever I made a mistake, and I had trouble forgiving others because I used to take things too personally, when in reality what other people say is a reflection of them, not me.

    Growing up I didn’t develop confidence in my ability to create change. I was allowing things to happen to me instead of making things happen for me.

    The last time I was depressed was twelve years ago. I could have died after taking a whole box of sleeping pills. After that I finally realized how ungrateful and selfish I had been by only focusing on myself.

    I decided to take 100% responsibility for my life because the idea of dying was scarier than the idea of living. If I was going to live, I decided I will do it in the best possible way.

    And I did. In the process I laid a strong foundation for high self-esteem and ultimately became much happier.

    Now, I love my life, I’m extremely grateful, and I continually learn how to keep improving as a human being while also teaching what I learn.

    Being the woman I am today doesn’t mean I never get sad, or that I never have problems.

    Being happy with who you have become, being grateful for the opportunity to live and for all you’ve experienced so far, being open to teaching and helping others helps you to deal better with challenges that life puts into your journey.

    Life is a cycle. Sometimes everything is great and sometimes everything falls apart in a matter of seconds. But we can choose to see each experience as something that will help us grow and become wiser.

    My conclusion after years of self-growth work is that a high self-esteem equals a high level of happiness, which leads to a fulfilled life. The keys?

    1. Understand why you need to change your thoughts and habits.

    It takes discipline to direct your thoughts to love, to increase your good habits, and to look after your body and soul every day.

    One way to increase your discipline is to write down the “why’s.” Ask yourself, why it is important to improve the quality of your thoughts?

    How would you feel having more loving thoughts? How would you feel if most of your thoughts were self-hating? Can this be a compelling reason? How would your life change if you treated your mind as sacred? How would life be if you treated it with respect?

    I used to have very low self-discipline, but step by step I kept improving it because I found compelling reasons to do so. Find your “why’s” and start with the first step. Today.

    2. Enlist support.

    Ask your family and friends for support, join a community, or seek professional help as you work toward increasing your self-esteem. Alone we won’t get anywhere.

    3. Use affirmations and mantras.

    Choose a mantra that will guide you through this process and repeat it three times a day (thirty times each time). One of my favorite mantras is “Every day I am better in every area of my life.”

    4. Filter your inner circle.

    We can’t always avoid negative people; they’re everywhere. But you can choose to surround yourself with people who support you and encourage you to be a better human being, while you also do the same for them; and you can create some distance in relationships where this isn’t the case.

    Trust that by creating some distance, you will make space for more healthy relationships. Give yourself the opportunity to be surrounded by great souls. You won’t be alone, I promise.

    5. Practice gratitude for yourself.

    Every day is a new life. It’s not that hard to be grateful when everything is okay. The tough part comes when you need to continue being grateful during hard times.

    When I’m feeling down, I thank my body for being able to breathe, I thank my eyes for being able to see, I thank my hands for being able to create, and I thank my values for leading me toward positive experiences.

    Write down everything you are grateful for and read it every morning or any time you’re feeling low.

    By practicing gratitude for parts of yourself you may otherwise not think to acknowledge, you will value more who you are, and this will help you to create a higher sense of self-love.

    6. Be present.

    By learning to not worry so much about the past and the future, you can start focusing on the moment, seeing each day as a new opportunity to do your best.

    By being in the present you will have more confidence because you’ll know that whatever negative experience you had in the past does not have to repeat itself. You will feel empowered to create a compelling future regardless of what’s happened before, which will strengthen your sense of self-worth.

    7. Help others.

    When you’re feeling helpless, go out and help someone else. Perhaps you can join a non-profit to volunteer your skills.

    This will allow you to see other realities, which will help you appreciate how fortunate you really are. It will also make you more confident because you will feel you can add great value to others in need.

    8. Trust in something bigger than yourself.

    We are not alone; we are all connected. Whenever I find myself trusting only my own strengths, I get insecure. But if I have done all that I could in a particular situation and then I also trust that the universe is supporting me, insecurities go away and miracles happen.

    Get out there, do the best you can, and allow the universe to give you a hand.

    I’d love to know what your challenges with self-esteem and happiness are! Will you take these important steps? What else would you add to this list?

  • Be More Childlike: Life Can Be Beautiful If You Let It

    Be More Childlike: Life Can Be Beautiful If You Let It

    “Children see magic because they look for it.” ~Christopher Moore

    Take a moment to close your eyes and imagine a beautiful, warm, sunny Sunday afternoon. Where could you possibly be—at home, on a beach, or waiting at a bus stop?

    Which of these three scenarios is the most appealing? Most of us would probably choose the beach. However, true enlightenment can be found in all three.

    Recently I was waiting for a bus. It was a beautiful, warm, sunny Sunday afternoon. At the bus stop were three ladies. One was and elderly lady in her twilight years, the other was in midlife, and the final one was just a young child.

    The lady in her twilight years was laughing with the child and having fun, in between complaining to the child’s mother about having to wait over thirty minutes for a bus.

    When talking to the child, the mother in midlife was stressed and impatient. She too was complaining to the lady in her twilight years about the delayed bus.

    The child was enjoying being outside, chatting, laughing, and having fun with the elderly lady. She had no concept of time or impatience. She displayed no distress in reaching her destination.

    Observing this interaction, I asked the elderly lady if she needed to be somewhere. She said, “No, I’m going home but I actually have nothing to go home for.”

    Checking my transit Smartphone app, I attempted to reassure everyone the bus was due in five minutes.

    The child’s mother hurriedly said, “No, no. It’s not coming! I’ve been here over thirty minutes and I also have checked the internet.”

    How did she know the bus wasn’t coming? Well, her experience told her it wasn’t. She was focusing on the past, and more specifically, a past experience. An experience she’d chosen to make significant, real, and relevant to the present.

    I understood how she felt. I’d spent many years thinking that nobody loved me or wanted me after several of my relationships had failed. It was very much like waiting for the next bus, without much hope of it coming.

    The older lady said, “This city is going to the dogs!” She’d made a judgment. One that condemned a whole city to doom based on the delay of one single bus.

    The older lady was focusing on the future. A future she was predicting based on a single thought she’d had; a future for a whole city. Words we use are significant for they communicate our thoughts, feelings and beliefs.

    The young child was in the present. Living in the moment and enjoying her interaction with other human beings, a balloon in her hand, free of judgment and thought.

    She seemed happy with the warmth of the sun and a Sunday afternoon at a bus stop.

    Then the bus came. The driver opened the door and apologized for the delay, explaining that construction had held him up.

    At every stop we encountered, people boarded and complained about the delay to their destination. Throughout this time, the child was oblivious to this, still in the present.

    When I got off the bus several stops later, two more were right behind. Two more buses carrying people from A to B.

    Buses sometimes come in threes because our journey in life isn’t always the same; it isn’t always predictable. Three buses at once is a blessing, three vehicles for you to choose from, three choices instead of one.

    You see, the journey did have beauty. It had a child finding magic in an interaction with another human being, in the warmth of the sun, in the opportunity to stop and play. Unfortunately, some of us sometimes get caught up in getting from A to B.

    We sometimes don’t appreciate what’s right in front of our eyes. Sadly, on this day, the mother missed a few precious moments of her daughter growing up.

    It made me think of my parents and how I missed them. They are in their eighties and live 6000 miles away. Each day I miss them growing older. 

    I feel like they are slipping away, and there is sadness in me not being there to hug them and hear their stories each day.

    I made a resolution to call them more often, to visit them more often, despite the distance and cost (mere details in the grand scheme of things).

    The older lady worried about getting home when she was in no hurry and had expressed nothing to get home for. Sometimes that’s the problem; we don’t have something to travel to.

    Like a meteor hitting the Earth, it reminded me of a painful time in my life, when I had nothing to go home for. It was after a particularly bad break-up that scarred me for a number of years.

    At that time in my life I was running from hurt, but had nowhere to go. I really understood what the elderly lady was feeling. I could wear her pain. I wanted to simply hold her, tell her she would find a new path. Perhaps I should have been brave and told her that?

    As we grow from child to adult, at some point we stop imagining. We stop dreaming. We focus on the details of everyday life that are inconsequential.

    A bus is a vehicle. It simply gets us from A to B. We can choose if we want to appreciate the journey.

    Appreciate your travels today. There is beauty in every one of them.

    Whenever you find yourself getting annoyed, impatient, or frustrated with your journey, ask yourself these questions:

    What’s the hurry? What can I appreciate right now? What opportunity has this delay given me? What am I really being impatient with? What am I missing by being this way? 

    What would a child do right now? What’s truly important to me and what action should I take that I haven’t been?

    Powerful questions ground us. They make us reflect, think, and discover. They get us to challenge our assumptions and confront our thoughts.

    Do something childlike on every journey you take. Skip to the supermarket. Sing in the elevator. Stop and look all around you. Just see, hear, and appreciate. Life can be beautiful if you let it.

  • 3 Obstacles to Living in the Now (and How to Get Blissfully Present Again)

    3 Obstacles to Living in the Now (and How to Get Blissfully Present Again)

    “Never underestimate the desire to bolt.” ~ Pema Chodron

    I have been trying this present moment awareness thing for a while now, about two years, and I have to say, it’s not going quite like I expected.

    Somehow I got it in to my silly little head that after a while I would stop bolting from reality and I would just be present all the time, with complete effortlessness. Wrong.

    And if there was any lingering doubt as to the flaw in my plan, I then read a number of accounts by people who have been practitioners of present moment awareness for something like twenty or thirty years, and they said they still run away from the present moment sometimes. Damn.

    So clearly my unreasonable expectations have got to be changed.

    I also noticed that since I have been doing this for a while now, the why and how I flee the present moment has changed.

    I used to flee in overt and rather extreme ways, and still do sometimes, like binge eating and excessive TV watching.

    But now that the more extreme behaviors have lessened, bolting from reality happens in much more subtle ways, usually obsessive thought. Here are the three most common ways:

    1. Lack of compassion.

    People do things that tick me off. It’s just a part of life. Anger is a naturally occurring emotion; there’s nothing wrong with that. Where it becomes a problem for me is when I get lost in that mental commentary of “what they did and how awful it was.”

    This track of obsessive thoughts can go on for a long, long time. And when I am stuck in that story of “what they did and how awful it was” I am nowhere near the present moment.

    I don’t have to like everything everyone does. I need to be honest about my anger and feel it. But that story about how stupid and pathetic other people are keeps me in my unhappy mind and not in the present moment.

    Solution? When I remember what I struggle with—my flaws that are most embarrassing to me, that I dearly wish would go away—then I can get in touch with the part of me that needs compassion. And I can feel how painful it is for others to stand in judgment of my flaws.

    The secret is that the part of me that needs compassion is the same part that can give it to others. Remembering specifically how I’m not perfect helps me have compassion on others, and that works to break the spell of the “Unhappy story of what they did.”

    2. Lack of gratitude.

    I recently read that the brain, being a problem-solving machine, has a natural negativity bias for the purpose of identifying problems. That’s great. What’s not great is spending all of your time in your head instead of living in your immediate life experience.

    When I am stuck in my head instead of being in my present moment, my whole life becomes a long stream of obsessive thoughts about “my problems.” I focus on what I don’t like about a situation, what I don’t like about my reaction to that situation—and here is the important part—to the exclusion of everything else.

    Solution? Making the conscious choice to find the good stuff—to identify the things that do work out and what I did get right—makes a huge difference in breaking the spell of “everything sucks.” This helps me see my present moment for what it really is: some stuff I don’t like, but mostly lots of good stuff.

    And there is always good stuff, I promise. Here is a tip: if you cannot think of any good stuff, think of how it could be worse. For example, you could have no limbs or live in a far more dangerous part of the world

    3. Panic.

    When I realize I have been absent from myself, coming back home to my present moment experience can be a struggle. And it can take a long time, because there is panic in me over the idea that I have “done something wrong,” which creates a striving and straining to “do it right.”

    Typically, I over think it, try way too hard, and make it some kind of contest, although I have no idea who I think I am competing with or what exactly is the rush when I tell myself things like, “Hurry up and get back in the present moment!”

    Once the competitor in me is activated, I am back on the treadmill of thought about how to “fix this,” and as with all treadmills, no closer to my destination: the present moment.

    Solution? Relax. Breathe. Impress it upon my mind again and again that strain does not actually help me accomplish. Good enough is good enough. Perfectionism ruins all good things. There is no contest to win and no race to finish. All this kind of panic does is help me to further elude the present moment.

    —

    This process can seem tedious, returning again and again and yet again to the present moment, then doing it all again tomorrow. But as with all things, it’s all about perspective. If I can let go of the competitor, the one who is trying to achieve, win, do it right, staying awake gets much closer to effortless.

    Making present moment awareness something that is achievement based only serves to keep us bound to shame, and make us feel like failures when we inevitably can’t stay present 100% of the time.

    In the crucial moment when I realize I have left the present moment again, instead of rejoicing that I am once again awake by virtue of that knowing, I often times plunge back in to unconsciousness with thoughts like “You failed again to stay present.”

    What a game changer it is, upon coming home to my present moment, instead of hearing “Where have you been?” I say to myself “Welcome back.”

  • The Time to Act Is Now: Get Out There and Seize the Moment

    The Time to Act Is Now: Get Out There and Seize the Moment

    Leap in the Air

    “Until you value yourself, you won’t value your time. Until you value your time, you won’t do anything with it.” ~M. Scott Peck

    For most of my life, I thought I had no ambition.

    To be fair, I thought it because it was true. Don’t get me wrong. I had ambition to keep living, to shower daily, and to seek out entertainment at the end of my miserable days working in customer service. Still, regardless of how miserable those days were, I wasn’t motivated to change my life path.

    I used to wish for ambition, in that vague sense that was part fervent desire and part dismissal. I wanted it, but thought that it wasn’t part of me. If I didn’t have enough ambition to become ambitious, what was the point?

    Then I got cancer, and I realized that sometimes things come to us in the most strange and horrible ways.

    I was 35 when I was diagnosed. I had an associate’s degree and worked at a dead-end job, answering phones and writing down messages. All of a sudden, I had this…this disease, and what had I done with my life? What did I have to be proud of?

    I was proud of one thing. I had an amazing son, and since the day he was born, I had poured all of my life into him. At 14, he was already fiercely independent, and didn’t need me like I needed him.

    With cancer, my motivation didn’t need to kick in immediately. All of the decisions were made for me. I had an advanced grade of tumor, and although I was Stage One, my oncologist insisted that I needed chemotherapy, followed by radiation.

    I didn’t realize overnight that I had motivation. It was a slow dawning upon me.

    At first it just felt like I was doing what I needed to do to get through every day. Losing my hair filled me with resolve to become an advocate and show others what beauty from within could look like. I very deliberately didn’t wear my wig because I felt that hiding behind it sent a message of its own, one I didn’t want to endorse.

    Cancer woke me up to the possibilities my life still had. The one thing I got out of it was that I wanted to live, and living now meant doing everything I had never realized I really needed to do.

    I began chemo in March 2011, and followed it with 33 radiation treatments. I thought my breast was going to fall off on its own by the end, but I finished in July and hit the ground running.

    I went back to college in August, received my bachelor’s degree in May, and was accepted to graduate school that fall. I began the program in January of this year, and applied for and got a graduate assistant position. I also manage a movie theater for my second job.

    When I went for my enrollment appointment with my advisor, she expressed concern that I was doing too much, that I was pushing myself too hard.

    I couldn’t explain to her what it felt like to sleep through 35 years of life and suddenly feel like you were awake for the first time. I couldn’t explain that there was no such thing as too hard when every day I felt ecstatically, unbelievably alive.

    Today, I have all the motivation I ever thought I wanted and then some. I beat cancer, and if I have a recurrence, I’ll beat it again. I have a lot of time to make up for, and every single day is a gift.

    Do I still have lazy days? You bet I do. But my days are filled with purpose now instead of longing, and for that I am so glad.

    I was talking to a friend recently, and I told him that I was grateful to have had cancer. He couldn’t believe I said that, and frankly, neither could I, but as I said it I knew it was true. Sometimes we get answers to wishes that we didn’t even know we wished for. Sometimes those answers feel more like burdens to bear.

    But cancer was what I needed to survive to realize that life was too short to be miserable. Do I recommend that everyone get cancer to get through life? Of course not, but there are themes that apply to everyone.

    Overcoming obstacles.

    Powering through in the face of adversity.

    Getting up and going when all you want to do is rest.

    My favorite saying is “You have to get there yourself.” You absolutely do. There is no one or nothing that can force you to do that which you do not want to do.

    You might be drifting in your own life, and thinking that you want a change. I can’t tell you how to do that.

    If you’re a fellow drifter, my best advice is to work on giving up your limiting beliefs about what you’re capable of doing.

    No matter who you are, how old you are, what your health is like, you are so much stronger than you realize. I spent 35 years wishing that I was different, and that got me nowhere. The time to act is now.

    Now get out there and seize your moment. And when you’re done with that, seize another.

    Photo by Lauren Manning

  • 8 Lessons About Living Fully from a Journey of 500 Miles

    8 Lessons About Living Fully from a Journey of 500 Miles

    Walking

    “The journey is the reward.” ~Proverb

    I should start by clarifying that even though there’s a lot of walking involved in this story, I’m not a walker, or particularly sporty. So what was I thinking going on a 500-mile pilgrimage you may (rightly) ask? I wasn’t. I was feeling it. In my gut.

    You know those butterflies that wreck havoc in your tummy when you have an exciting idea? Well, I had about a thousand of those. Butterflies, not ideas. I only had one idea, and I didn’t even think that one through.

    El Camino de Santiago. St James Way. A long walk, an ancient pilgrimage. Alone. Five weeks and 550 miles from France across Spain to the end of the world. A whole lotta walking! Yeah, why not? Piece of cake, right? Wrong.

    On August 6, 2012 I took my first step into the unknown, armed with nothing but a light backpack, three pairs of socks, a couple of T-shirts, a sleeping bag, and an arsenal of Band-Aids. I walked away from the world and left my old self behind.

    “Yeah, but why?” is the most common reaction I get from people, often accompanied by a confused and suspicious look.

    Well, truth is, I needed to get away.

    “But couldn’t you have gone to Fiji and lie on the beach for five weeks or something?”

    I have to admit, that one always gets me thinking.

    But even knowing how painful, exhausting, and scary walking 30 kilometers every day for over a month with 10 kilograms on my back can be, I wouldn’t change it for the world—or the beaches of Fiji.

    The journey changed my life, both inside and out. I walked it off! I walked it all off. As I got further away form the “real” world—penetrating forests, walking through sleepy villages, hiking up mountains and down deserted valleys—I got closer to my internal world.

    As I detached myself from possessions, got rid of masks, demolished walls, dissolved judgments, and released resentments, I became more open, honest, free, loving, balanced, and, of course, happy.

    I connected with people at an authentic level that I had never experienced before, making lasting friendships in mere hours.

    I started following my instinct and inner voice, not only the yellow arrows pointing west.

    I started being open, believing in myself, listening to my body, and ultimately I realized that all I needed to be happy was right there, inside of me.

    Yep, I was a walking cliché and I loved every painful minute of it.

    This realization came to me the moment I arrived at Santiago de Compostela and stood in front of the cathedral that, a month earlier, had seemed impossible to reach. I had made it!

    And contrary to popular belief, I didn’t want to yell about my accomplishment to the top of my lungs. I didn’t care if anyone knew; I had done it for me. 

    As I sat on the stony square looking up at this magnificent milestone in my life, I was struck by silence, tears rolling down my smiling face, and I let go—of the burden of the past and expectations of the future.

    A year has now passed since I returned, forever changed, and not one day goes by without me having thought about that journey.

    Every day I try to remember the lessons learned. But it isn’t easy, and that is why this article is as much for you as it is for me.

    Let us remember to:

    1. Be present every step of the way.

    The past is over and the future will come, whether you worry about it or not. Make a conscious effort to live in your present. I find meditation of great help. Walking was meditation for me, as it was being in contact with nature, taking in the colors, smells, and textures.

    2. Trust yourself.

    Listen to your gut. Mine told me to walk, that I could do it despite all evidence to the contrary. Yoga and fostering my creativity have been very helpful to block out the outside noises that drown my inner voice.

    3. Be grateful.

    Practice appreciation everyday. At the end of a long day’s walk, that shower would be the best shower I’d ever had. Make sure you appreciate that shower at the end of a long day’s work by thinking of nothing but the touch of the warm, relaxing water. Writing down three happy moments every day also helps!

    4. Open your mind.

    Possibilities are everywhere, but you’ll only see them if you’re open to them. Remember: “Whether you think you can or you can’t, you’re probably right.” Henry Ford. I found the true meaning of synchronicity during the walk, where the “way” or “universe” provided exactly what everyone needed at the exact right time. It’s all around us, if we pay attention.

    5. Let go.

    Of fear, negative thoughts, resentment, the past, limitations. Anything that holds you back, let it go. Dance around like crazy to loud music, have a good cry once in a while, speak your truth, let it out and let it go! While walking, I sang, laughed, cried, laughed until I cried, danced, skipped, limped, ran, fell, got back up, carried someone, and let someone carry me. Sometimes all in one day. That’s living.

    6. Slow down.

    There’s something about walking, about slowing down from 70 miles to hour to 3 miles per hour, that made me realize there’s so much we miss in our daily lives because we’re always in a rush to arrive at our destination or tick the next thing off our to-do list.

    At any given moment of the day, stopping to look (really look) at a flower, or the shape of a cloud, or the way a ray of sunshine hits the trees can make me smile and bring me back to the present. One small minute, stop and take a deep breath, observe the world moving around you while you stand still. It can change your perspective.

    7. Detach from the result.

    Be passionate about the journey, not only about the destination. Do things you enjoy for the sake of them, not only to get something in return. When you’re passionate about what you do regardless of your gain, chances are, you’ll gain a lot more than you expected.

    8. Accept and love yourself.

    You don’t need anyone else’s acceptance but your own. Whatever other people think of you is their problem. What you think of yourself is yours.

    Try this:

    Sit, eyes closed, and open your arms as wide as they can go, as if trying to hug the universe. Hold it for a minute, feeling the freedom, thinking of receiving love with open arms and giving out the best of you. Say that you love and accept yourself. Close your arms tight and give yourself a big, loving hug for a minute.

    Smile! I dare you not to.

    Photo by Moyan Brenn

  • A Surefire Way to Improve Your Life: 7 Reasons and 5 Ways to Be Mindful

    A Surefire Way to Improve Your Life: 7 Reasons and 5 Ways to Be Mindful

    “People usually consider walking on water or in thin air a miracle. But I think the real miracle is not to walk either on water or in thin air, but to walk on earth. Every day we are engaged in a miracle which we don’t even recognize: a blue sky, white clouds, green leaves, the black, curious eyes of a child—our own two eyes. All is a miracle.” ~Thich Nhat Hanh

    I remember it clearly, the day it all began to click. People talk about epiphanies that changed their lives in an instant, and mine was no different. Problem was, this change turned into a ten-year journey of slow and sometimes painful self-discovery.

    I was standing outside with my wife and a friend. I don’t recall what we were talking about, but I do recall listening to my friend before he blurted, “I hate when you do that, Josh!”

    I was confused, so I asked, “Do what?”

    He replied, “You stopped listening and now you’re thinking about the next thing you’re going to say.”

    My confusion turned to embarrassment. “No!  I don’t do that—do I?” I looked at my wife—she nodded in agreement.

    That moment changed my life. It was like hearing a starting pistol go off on a project that would eventually take me down a rocky path of self-reflection over the next decade, but it was a feeling I never wanted to experience again.

    I’m not referring to the feeling of shame and embarrassment or being “caught,” but the feeling of knowing that my lack of awareness was the cause of others’ suffering.

    I desired to be a better husband, father, and friend, so I began studying mindfulness, which led me to conduct doctoral research on how mindful presence affects our everyday interactions.

    What I discovered was a set of seven principles we can all expect from becoming fully immersed in the present moment:

    1. Mindful presence creates a heightened awareness of what we do in the moment…

    …including thoughts as they arise, our actions taken as a result of those thoughts, and the impact of those thoughts and actions on others.

    2. Mindful presence is the catalyst for self-reflection.

    Simply put, the more present we are, the more we compare that moment to previous interactions, facilitating greater change for the better.

    3. Mindful presence nurtures unconditional acceptance, particularly in our close relationships.

    As things happen and we maintain presence, we are more likely to accept them without judgment.

    4. Mindful presence evokes interaction.

    As we immerse ourselves into the moment, others notice. As they notice our presence, it creates gravity, drawing us closer together. As we become present, we see others inviting us into interaction, because people want to be around others who are willing to invest time.

    5. The more aware we are of the greatness of others, the more likely we will feel pride for those we care about.

    As we feel that pride, we outwardly express it and others notice.  This encourages others to strive further through the very initiative we nurtured through our presence.

    6. In moments of mindful presence, we are more likely to experience savoring the moment as we marvel in wonder at the simplest beauty.

    Heightened appreciation adds color, depth, and richness to everyday experiences.

    7. The self-reflection referred to in #2 above results in a greater capacity for gratitude.

    As we reflect, we savor, and as we savor, we become thankful.

    Wonderful, right?  If I was reading this list, I know I would feel drawn toward acting more mindfully, but the next question is, how do we get there?

    Here are five ways mindfulness can be practiced and refined. I encourage you to try them all on a regular, rotating basis:

    1. One of the simplest methods is to walk with no destination in mind.

    This could be done at a trip to the store, around your neighborhood, or even at your local mall. Let go of all thought of a schedule or an agenda, and simply allow yourself to go wherever your mood takes you. Surrender yourself to the flow.

    Interestingly enough, driving reduces the angle of your field of vision by up to 75%, depending on speed. Walking allows you to see more of your surroundings, so take it in, but remind yourself as you walk: there is nowhere more important for you to be than right here, right now.

    2. Eat your food and consume your drink as if they were your last. 

    Sure, dinner might have been a cheap frozen dinner, but how would you eat that same meal if you knew it might be your last? Would you slow yourself down and savor it more? What would this do for your appreciation of what you consume.

    Another way of eating involves not taking a single bite or drink until you have silently thanked each and every individual responsible, from the farmer who cultivated the tealeaf, to the trucker who shipped it, to the grocer who placed it on the shelf.

    Once you ponder all the hands that work to provide you that opportunity, you begin to develop more appreciation for even the simplest of things.

    3. Next time you’re stopped at a red light, take the time to breathe deeply, filling your lungs and emptying them completely.

    Count how many of these you can do during a stoplight. As you breathe, look around and notice what is around you. What are others doing? What are their stories?

    You’ll be surprised at how much easier it becomes to accept a green light that just turned red.  No longer will you feel rage at being hindered, but you may even begin to anticipate your next opportunity to stop and reflect.

    4. Next time your phone rings, resist the urge to answer.

    Let it ring a couple of times as you collect your thoughts and prepare to answer. Think about the person calling. What do they look like? What frame of mind are they in? Even if this is an employee in Sri Lanka calling to collect a debt, what is life like for that person? How many irate Americans have they talked to before you? 

    5. Finally, before bed, take fifteen minutes to sit in silent darkness.

    Take note of everything you experience, from the sound of a fan to the sensation of your backside against whatever you are sitting on. Breathe slowly and deeply, allowing yourself to let go and simply be. You’ll be amazed at how well you sleep after this!

    Each of these trainings is designed to cultivate the act of being intentionally focused on the events of the moment as they unfold and to accept them without judgment.

    Becoming mindfully present is a miracle, but an attainable one, and one we can all experience, each and every day, surrounded by the ones we love.

  • How to Be Happy Now (Because Future Happiness Never Comes)

    How to Be Happy Now (Because Future Happiness Never Comes)

    “Remember that sometimes not getting what you want is a wonderful stroke of luck.” ~Dalai Lama

    I used to think I was falling behind. Not on my rent or my taxes, but in life.

    One moment, things were progressing fine. I had friends. Good teeth. A boyfriend. I even had my own did-I-really-do-all-that-study-to-be-doing-this first job.

    But then it all went away. I became ill. And as the years went by, I watched from my bed as my friends led a version of the life I’d expected for myself.

    It was as if everyone had gotten on the bus while I remained in the bus shelter. Which had an interesting smell. And I’d sat in some chewing gum.

    But here’s something I’ve learned.

    When it seems as if you’re “falling behind,” chances are you’re leaping ahead—not compared to other people, they have their own journey, but compared to your original planned-out trajectory.

    A few weeks ago my husband and I were coming home after a sunny week poking around the Baja Peninsula in Mexico. Shortly before we were due to take off, the pilot told us there was a crack in the some-or-rather, the flight was canceled, and please would we return to the terminal.

    So there we were, a plane-load of people, some waiting, some proactively making new plans, when out of the blue our name was called and we were rushed onto a direct flight home to Los Angeles.

    Our original travel plans had us flying home via San Jose, a four-hour detour. But thanks to our “delay” we arrived home hours ahead of schedule.

    It reminded me of when I was sick, because what seemed like such a setback at the time was anything but. In fact, it was one of the great gift bearers of my life, propelling me toward something I hadn’t known existed but am so grateful to have found.

    What I thought was the long way turned out to be the short way.

    It happens all the time.

    I used to live in a small town in New Zealand, and I was always intrigued by the seemingly large number of people who, when asked how they came to live there, said their car broke down while on holiday. It was always the same: as they waited on repairs they took a drive and found the little out-of-the-way town.

    Car breakdown. Plane breakdown. Health breakdown. Relationship breakdown. Career breakdown. What seems like an impediment is so often a blessing when you consider the ultimate end result.

    What can be upsetting and worrisome is having your plans disrupted. Although, in retrospect, it’s often hilarious to think you knew the way in the first place.

    Social conditioning tells us there’s an ideal way for life to progress; it varies depending on your circle of influence. For me it had to do with getting a good job, being active, getting married, going to college. That kind of thing.

    And we make plans accordingly. It’s human nature—or at least the nature of our mind to do this.

    Yet our plans have nothing to do with being happy now, because that doesn’t need a plan. Plans, by their very nature, are more concerned with the future.

    Plans are about future happy. Sometimes a plan is so ingrained it doesn’t even seem like a plan.

    “If I get a good job, then I’ll be happy.” Future.

    “If I live to be an old lady, that’s the best thing.” Future.

    “When I lose weight I’ll feel self assured and confident.” Future.

    “If I sail around the world I’ll feel a sense of accomplishment.” Future.

    When things “go wrong,” as in not to plan, it causes us pain—sometimes, great pain. And the reason for the pain is it feels as if happiness has been taken away.

    If for your whole life you thought that being active or getting a good job and so on was the way to feel happy, of course you feel badly when you can’t do that.

    But the pain is in your incorrect beliefs. Happiness hasn’t gone anywhere. If anything, your capacity for happiness is probably growing. All that’s lost is your plan for future happy. But since the future never comes, future happy was never real.

    Time and again I meet or hear from people who, in dealing with challenging times, find more real happy. And chances are, if you’re reading this, it’s either happening to you right now or has happened in some way.

    Real happy isn’t some, “Wow this is amazing,” kind of feeling, or where everything is easy, but a deeper sense of connectedness—to yourself and others.

    Real happy is compassion that comes naturally, even for people you dislike.

    Real happy is knowing, deep within you, that everything will be fine; that you can handle whatever comes your way.

    Real happy isn’t something that can be taken away either, but builds in increments as you move through life, speeding up during challenging times.

    Back then I didn’t know any of this. I just thought my life was worse compared to everyone else. Of course, it was no worse and no better. It just looked different than I expected.

    If, by some miracle of time I could speak to me back then, I’d say:

    “You simply don’t know how the universe is going to deliver its splendor, but chances are it’ll look different than you thought it would.”

    “Sorrow is part of the process; a sign of faulty beliefs being released. Notice your thoughts as they come and go, stand back and let the pain happen if you need to, but know there’s something bigger.”

    Knowing me back then, I’d probably still be thinking about my friends and how much I wanted to get back to the real world. (That’s what I used to call it.) So I’d wrap it up by saying:

    “It’s easy to look back on your old life as if it were perfect. Or see other people’s life as perfect. But this is an illusion, the same as future happy. See how it feels to have faith in what’s happening now—not in liking it necessarily, but trusting the flow of life.”

    My friends got on their bus and I got on mine. They were different buses going different places. These days I try to see time at the “bus stop” as the possibility of a new adventure (and not because I live in L.A!).

    And by the way, it wasn’t chewing gum I was sitting on, but a sticky bit of self-esteem I never knew I had. And that interesting smell? Self-acceptance.

  • Find Peace Today: Stop Worrying About What You Might Lose

    Find Peace Today: Stop Worrying About What You Might Lose

    Present Moment

    “The whole life of a man is but a point in time; let us enjoy it.” ~ Plutarch

    Take a moment to think about the last time you stared up into a clear night sky, one that was gorged with stars and seemed to go on forever—one where the longer you stared, the more depth appeared.

    How did you feel in that moment? Did you feel calm? Scared? Alone? Completely content? Did you wish you could stay in that moment forever?

    Skies like that give me an incredible sense of peace and remind me to breathe deeply and contemplate how our lives are simultaneously overwhelmingly vast and incredibly finite.

    Over the years, I have struggled with allowing people to get close to me for fear of losing them the way I had lost so many before.

    After an adoption, the unexpected death of my adopted mother, my best friend, several family members, and the smattering of broken relationships, I built a solid wall against anyone who looked like they wanted to be near me.

    I finally came to terms with the fact that in the end, most people who come into our lives will leave in some way or another—sometimes by choice and sometimes not, but their presence is what matters, not their absence.

    What’s important is realizing that each moment we have with those we love is of infinite value, and we must enjoy the time we have with them while we have it instead of being so afraid we’ll lose them that we’re never really with them even when they are here.

    If we’re so engulfed in the potential for loss, we’ll not only miss the lessons each experience can bring to our lives, but the joy it has to offer. Our happiness will sit in front of us waiting for us to recognize its face and we’ll look past it like a stranger.

    People spend an exorbitant amount of time, energy, and resources on attempting to hold back aging as it is a reminder of our mortality. It reminds us that there is no permanence, so we frantically fight to find ways to extend the length of our lives, but how many focus on deepening the quality?

    Why not slow down and realize we are immortal only in the moment we are in—this moment we inhabit contains our entire past and all of our potential and possibility for the future that may or may not arrive.

    Let’s fill this time we have now with all that we are instead of fighting for more and never actually doing anything with it. It’s like collecting a bunch of empty jars but never putting anything in them. 

    I know it can be terrifying to let go and be present in the moment because we think we have to control everything; we have to be prepared for loss, for disappointment, for heartache. We don’t want it to creep up and take us by surprise, but here’s the thing: no matter what we do to prepare, we’ll never be ready for it when it comes.

    The best we can do is fully embrace the only thing we know to be certain, and that is the current moment we inhabit. This very second as you’re reading these words, you know that you are alive.

    And no matter what’s going on in your life, your life is a miracle. Right. This. Second. Your living is an amazing orchestration of a billion and one complex systems that enables you to breathe, to think, to have a heartbeat, to learn, to grow, and to love.

    It’s hard to not fear losing others. It’s hard to not fear losing ourselves, but fear is what drives away our peace, joy, and love.

    Learning to retrain our thoughts so we don’t dwell on our fear of the unknown future and grounding into the present will help us shift our focus from loss to abundance.

    When we focus on loss, it feels as though we’re always lacking and we worry we’ll lose what we have. When we focus on abundance, we recognize that our lives are full and we cultivate the faith that each moment we’re alive, we will have what we need.

    Additionally, when we focus on abundance, a sense of gratitude seems to naturally follow. How could we recognize how full our lives are and not be grateful?

    When we are grateful for the moment we are in, we will find our lives are long enough—no matter how many years they contain.

    Photo by pdam2

  • 7 Powerful Spiritual Truths: Turn Challenges into a Reawakening

    7 Powerful Spiritual Truths: Turn Challenges into a Reawakening

    Awakening

    “Everything that happens to you is a reflection of what you believe about yourself. We cannot outperform our level of self-esteem. We cannot draw to ourselves more than we think we are worth.” ~Iyanla Vanzant 

    Have you ever had an experience that took you to emotional rock bottom? One that left you drained, broken, and totally numb? Your life shattered, and you scrambling to pick up the pieces and put them back together?

    It might sound like a cliché, but sometimes it really is darkest just before dawn. Rock bottom can be a great place to start to rebuild yourself. Sometimes, it is the only place, as I once experienced.

    My Spiritual Re-awakening

    He had just broken up with me. We weren’t together for long—a few months at most—but it was still one of the most painful things I ever experienced.

    I knew that my pain wasn’t because the relationship was over; it stemmed from a lack of self-worth.

    I didn’t know how to have a healthy relationship with myself, let alone another person. The pain of trying to have close relationships without having the skills to successfully navigate them had caught up to me with a vengeance—vengeance that had brought me to my knees.

    And so began my spiritual re-awakening and the re-emergence of these hidden truths: (more…)

  • How Are You Using Your 86,400 Seconds?

    How Are You Using Your 86,400 Seconds?

    “Time is the most valuable thing a man can spend.” ~Theophrastus

    Don’t we all wish we had more time? Time to spend with loved ones. Time to finish solving a problem. Time to eat, pray, love. Time to exercise more. Time to travel to all the continents on the globe.

    Time to finish that project. Time to take that diving course, yoga class, or self-improvement seminar. Time to chat with our grandparents. Time to visit an old friend.

    Time to aid the poor. Time to listen to the news. Time to challenge yourself. Time to meditate. Time to do volunteer work. Time to listen to a friend in need. Time to have dinner with your partner. Time to have dinner with your family.

    Time to be adventurous, time to parachute, time to pray and to play, time to listen within, time to cook wholesome meals, time to do nothing, and time to do everything.

    Time to feel what you really feel. Time to dream and time to be.

    I know I’ve spent a lot of time doing the wrong things and making mistakes. But even so, I’ve learned something from all of it. That in itself means it wasn’t so wrong after all.

    I also spent a lot of time thinking of what little time I had and how I wished I had more. Not so good if all it does is stress you out.

    However, if it compels you to take charge and make a plan for how to reach all those wonderful dreams and goals, then it’s a good thing. I’m getting there, falling and getting up again. “Losing” time along the way.

    I read this analogy about time once. Imagine there is a bank that every morning deposits $86,400 into your account. And every day it happens over and over again. The only catch, according to this idea, is that you cannot save that particular deposit until the next day.

    The $86,400 you get in the morning is gone in the evening. You can’t use any of it in advance and you can’t pile it up.

    What would you do? Would you think carefully about how you’d use it every day? (more…)

  • Brushes with Mortality: 5 Lessons On Dealing with Hard Times

    Brushes with Mortality: 5 Lessons On Dealing with Hard Times

    “When we come close to those things that break us down, we touch those things that also break us open. And in that breaking open, we uncover our true nature.” ~Wayne Muller

    As someone with a serious chronic medical condition, I have danced with mortality. Many times. It wasn’t until our most recent pas de deux, however, that I truly understood just how much this dance could impact me.

    Nowhere was this more apparent than in my work as a hospice volunteer.

    The mission of the San Francisco-based Zen Hospice Project—a Buddhist-inspired organization where I have volunteered for five years—is to bring kindness and compassion to those facing loss and death.

    I trained to be a volunteer out of a deep longing to explore and evolve my comfort level with my own illness and mortality, as well as the mortality of those close to me.

    Zen Hospice Project trains volunteers to practice the Five Precepts Of Hospice Care developed by its founder.

    They are:

    1. Bring your whole self to the bedside.
    2. Welcome everything; push away nothing.
    3. Find a place of rest in the middle of things.
    4. Cultivate the “don’t know mind.”
    5. Don’t wait.

    While I have attempted to integrate these precepts at bedside (and in my life in general), I am also aware that I have remained somewhat disconnected from them.

    For example, though I have always been able to easily listen with compassion as patients and family members voiced their feelings about dying; to hold a hand; provide a gentle foot massage; bring hot tea and fresh flowers; and sing to patients, I could not (or more aptly did not want to) fully feel the devastating grief that accompanies loss.

    Until, that is, I returned to hospice work last year after undergoing emergency brain surgery.

    Some background: As a child, I was diagnosed with a neurological condition called hydrocephalus that prevents the cerebrospinal fluid from circulating correctly in my brain. As such, a device called a shunt lives in my brain’s ventricles, keeping the fluid circulating properly. (more…)

  • The Illusion of Waiting for the Future to Be Happy

    The Illusion of Waiting for the Future to Be Happy

    “The future is always beginning now.” ~Mark Strand

    Do you ever feel like there’s something missing in your life? It feels like you’re always waiting for something to arrive. You want the future to come, because it’s better there.

    But that’s all wrong.

    The future is an illusion. It’s just a concept in your head. This is what I’ve realized in the past few months.

    I’ve suddenly become acutely aware of what’s going on. I’ve entered the present moment more powerfully than ever before.

    If you go and read my previous articles here at Tiny Buddha, I talk about how I’m going deeper and deeper into the rabbit hole.

    I’m learning more and more, and that’s exactly what happens each year.

    As I’m writing this, I am completely present in my body. I feel my fingers write the words. It almost feels like I’m not the one typing, typing is just happening.

    I don’t claim to be perfect, but I do want to share what’s happened, and how you can tap into the same peace and joy that I have.

    But before we do that, let’s look at the problem.

    The Problem: Future-Think

    In the past, I tended to live in the future. I daydreamed of a better life.

    I wanted more money, more adventure, and more time so I could be in the present moment. When I put it like that, it almost seems crazy, doesn’t it?

    (more…)

  • How to Choose Peace Instead of Stressing About the Future

    How to Choose Peace Instead of Stressing About the Future

    “If you worry about what might be, and wonder what might have been, you will ignore what is.” ~Unknown

    I was entering a completely new stage in my life. It could have been the beginning of something great, but it was entirely foreign to me. I could handle being productive, I could handle struggling to survive, but what was hard to handle was wading through the unknown.

    After working for six months in Italy and six months in Brazil I was back in the US—floating. I didn’t feel any closer to having a career. I was without a car, job, and permanent housing. My boyfriend still lived in Brazil, and my friends were scattered around the globe.

    I didn’t yet have the answer for who I wanted to be or what I wanted to do.

    I had such high expectations for my return to the US. I had spent the last year working small jobs in Italy and Brazil like teaching English, being a personal assistant, and whatever freelance crumbs I could gather.

    I was sure coming back to my home country would give me the luxury of landing a job I would love with an international company. No such luck.

    So, for the first month I was helping my mom settle in her new apartment, and then I was on the other side of the country for two weeks to give some emotional support to my sister while she finished up her last semester of college.

    I was helping people make it through their daily processes. So far, that’s all the direction and answers I had.

    I was happy to be helpful and supportive of my loved ones, but to my goal-oriented mind, I felt like a failure.

    I was having trouble sleeping at night. I found myself awake in the wee hours of the morning, with thirteen tabs open, trying to research and apply for jobs while emailing contacts and just generally having a panic attack.

    The days were passing rapidly as I sat numbly pecking at my computer from dawn to dusk, without significant results and definitely no peace of mind. I was busy, but not productive.

    My mind was divided between trying to solidify my future and beating myself up for not having made a solid plan sooner. Would I ever be successful? What if I never found a job I liked? How could I live around the world and make money at the same time?

    I didn’t have answers and it was driving me crazy. I was in uncharted waters and I felt totally lost.  (more…)