Tiny Buddha

Tag: passion

  • A Warning and a Gift for Anyone Who Isn’t Pursuing Their Dreams

    A Warning and a Gift for Anyone Who Isn’t Pursuing Their Dreams

    “Letting go of the past means that you can enjoy the dream that is happening right now.” ~Don Miguel Ruiz

    I grew up on a small cattle farm in the very small farming town of Savannah, Missouri with my grandfather and great grandparents.

    My great grandmother used to sit outside on the back porch and string green beans or peel apples when the weather was mild, a worn dish towel over her knee and an ancient paring knife moving with practiced ease. As a very small child I would often sit with her, watching, and sometimes we would talk.

    One evening we shared a conversation that would come to influence me for the rest of my life, though I didn’t realize it at the time.

    I asked if she had ever had something that she always wanted to do, a dream? She smiled, set down her work, leaned back, and looked off across the farm for a moment, lost in thought.

    She said that she had always wanted to see the ocean, visit Hawaii, and see the Eiffel Tower. She had only seen these things in pictures and on TV, and they were beautiful to her. But relatives and friends scolded her for having such ideas and encouraged her to put away these things that would never happen.

    So she did.

    Instead, she got married, raised two children, tended the farm alongside her husband, and prepared every meal without complaint. She packed my lunches, took me to school every single day, sewed my dresses and Halloween costumes from scratch, and made me cinnamon pies.

    She paid all the bills on time, did the grocery shopping, helped her community in any way she could, and was a very good wife, mother, grandmother, and great grandmother.

    At her funeral the church overflowed; every seat was taken by lives she had touched, and more stood in the vestibule and were forced out onto the sidewalk. She gave so much in her life while asking for nothing in return. She was an amazing woman, but I knew she never forgot her dream.  

    That one afternoon spent sitting with my great grandmother, watching her as she spoke with such warmth and sadness, stuck with me.

    As I became older I turned the story over and over in my head like a coin because I instinctively knew its lesson had two sides, but I was only seeing one. After many years of inspection, I found the duality that her story contained: a warning and a gift.

    The Warning: Make the choice to not let others dictate your dreams or goals.

    Your dreams are yours, no matter how simple or small or large or complicated they may be, and you have a right to chase them at any point in your life, for any reason.

    Do not give in to fear or uncertainty, do not doubt yourself, do not ask “Why? Why is this so important to me?” Your dreams are yours and yours alone. No one can take them from you, and you should never give up on them.

    The Gift: Make the choice to find happiness in your current path.

    Sometimes, for some reason, we choose to walk away from what our heart wants. Maybe we make the choice out of necessity, maybe we do not really have a choice in the matter, maybe we did not realize what we wanted till it was too late, maybe we did not want to seem “weird” to our friends.

    But life will always find a way to give you happiness, so be brave and keep yourself open to receive the joy that life is trying to give you.

    My great grandmother never gave herself permission to go do what she had always wanted to do, even when she had the time and money to do so. But she decided to never resent her choices; rather, she chose to find new meaning and fulfillment in her situation. This gave her the ability to grow past her hurt and loss to become a truly fulfilled person.

    Have the strength to attain dreams you think are out of your reach, while allowing yourself to find peace when you don’t follow your heart. Learn to succeed when others predict you will fail, and to laugh when you stumble or get lost.

    Your dreams and your life are your own. Never forget that.

  • 3 Powerful Ways to Get Moving When You Feel Stuck in Life

    3 Powerful Ways to Get Moving When You Feel Stuck in Life

    “One day your life will flash before your eyes. Make sure it’s worth watching.” ~Unknown

    I realized I’m going to die soon.

    Not, you know, imminently. But soon. Even sixty is soon. Seventy, eighty, ninety, still soon. And I’ll be lucky if I get that old.

    I’m going to die.

    What’s gotten into me? Maybe it’s the Robin Williams story. That would make sense. A loss that’s shocking really resets your perspective.

    Life is fleeting, it’s brief. Even if it’s what we’d consider a long life, it’s short.

    This was a thought of mine in the shower today.

    I think it jolted me into feeling a little less uptight. A little less scared.

    The real scary thing is the big, black unknown. That vast mystery of whatever comes next. Whatever happens after life is snuffed out.

    And it will be snuffed out. In the grand scheme (even medium scheme) of history, pretty relatively quickly.

    That’s morbid, you may think. But I felt a little better today when I had this thought.

    After a good long stretch of isolating myself and digging further into a rut, I felt better about things I’ve been going through. Like cyclical insecure thoughts I’d been having. Apprehension, anger, regret, confusion. Fear. Anxiety.

    I feel good today. Because in the face of life ending too soon, and not knowing what comes next, I realize that I know what can come now. I can put together what I want. I can face things boldly.

    Compared to the uncertainty of whatever is in the afterlife, whatever my blind date thinks of me tomorrow is pretty manageable by comparison. While I’m here, I better embrace life a little.

    I imagine that future me will look back on present me very much the way present me looks back on younger me.

    I shake my head sometimes at younger me for her insecurities and hesitation and fear. I want to tell her it’s all going to go by so fast—enjoy it now.

    Enjoy it now.

    Right now is the time when future me may look back and wonder what on earth I was so worried about. I’m only thirty-one. Thirty-one! Forty-one year-old me would love to be thirty-one!

    And eighty-one-year-old me would really wish she was thirty-one.

    My god. I’m so lucky to be thirty-one.

    What am I doing wasting it on insecurity? Why do I freeze and gravitate toward inaction sometimes?

    Every moment that I’m unsure, worried, fretting, concerned about how I’m doing, or wondering if I’ve made the right choices, done the best I can, of if I should worry about what someone thinks, is a waste of precious time. It’s like fourteen-year-old me thinking she was fat. She wasn’t.

    Are you hesitant about a fork in the road? Feeling anxious about your options (or lack thereof)? Feel old? Regret something? I can’t tell you what will fix it, but I can share three things that have always given me motivation to really move forward and live.

    Walk through a graveyard.

    It seems creepy. It isn’t. A cemetery has a fantastic way of reminding you to live your life. Fear of whatever choices you have ahead, or any paralysis of action you may be experiencing, will melt in the presence of beautifully landscaped permanent resting places.

    Take a walk around your nearest or prettiest cemetery this weekend and try to quiet your mind. For me, this exercise always results in a great dose of perspective on life. Namely, that it ends. So any choice of action, regardless of how it turns out, is a gift.

    Imagine young you.

    Remember the school dance you were too scared to go to? Or the crossroads between starting your career or traveling after graduation? How about the girl you never asked out, or the boy you never told off for hurting you?

    Young you was trepidatious about a few things—occasions you wouldn’t hesitate to rise to now. So, too, would older you appreciate you finding the courage to drop the worries that are holding you both back today.

    Imagine the worst that can happen.

    Got a scary thing you want to do? Think of the worst that could happen and weigh it against how much you’d regret not trying. Or, if you’re not sure what to do at all, weigh the consequences of trying something versus doing nothing.

    Do something. Embrace the fact that you’re living. Failure, success—both are part of a full life. Living with complacency isn’t living at all.

    My favorite question to ask people is what they’d be most upset about if the Grim Reaper showed up and said they’ve got five minutes.

    Why wait?

    Get to it.

  • Overcoming the Fear of Vulnerability and Unlocking Your Power

    Overcoming the Fear of Vulnerability and Unlocking Your Power

    Open Heart

    “To share your weakness is to make yourself vulnerable; to make yourself vulnerable is to show your strength.” ~Criss Jami

    Wanting to avoid pain and shield ourselves from it is natural—and, by the way, completely not possible, because as we close up to protect ourselves against pain, we also block out the light that reflects from it.

    Despite our best efforts, the boundaries that we’ve built around our hearts to protect us from feeling pain, discomfort, and hurt are the very chains that keep us tethered to it, disallowing us from feeling the opposites—joy, love and passion.

    Only in embracing our true nature, at our deepest core level, as emotional, vulnerable, and feeling beings are we able to tap our resilient inner strength.

    Have you ever tried to cross your arms in front of your heart while smiling or laughing at the same time? Try it. It feels weird. You may be aware that you’re smiling or laughing, but you sure don’t feel like it.

    Or, try throwing your arms up wide with a big open heart like you just crossed the finish line of an amazing race, and see if you can wear a frown or angry face. It simply feels unnatural. This is because we are feeling beings and our heart center is our core feeling center.

    When we block our heart, we block the feelings as well, and when we open our heart it feels unnatural to be anything but joyous.

    Our feelings are indicators of our current alignment with our soul’s path and higher energy source.

    I used to stuff feelings down deep, especially negative ones, not understanding that by doing so I was suppressing my unique intuitive guidance system.

    Feelings are there to teach us something about ourselves and reveal to us our true desires. It is only in a state of vulnerability, when we drop the armor around our hearts, that we can truly access these feelings and lessons to become centered, strong, and wise.

    My early childhood and adolescent years were largely dysfunctional. I grew up broke for the most part in an unstable household, where my father, who was an alcoholic, was also verbally or physically abusive.

    This environment imprinted on my young developing mind a perception that the world was difficult. I viewed the world through a lens smudged of struggle, and this perception became my reality as I felt I had to muscle my way through life in in an effort to not end up like my past.

    As a result, I spent the better part of three decades unconsciously building walls to protect myself from these fears and insecurities I knew as a child.

    Vulnerability meant emotional pain, so I developed thick skin growing up. From the vantage point of others, I had a good front of just being strong-willed and determined; and my fear of being judged by my dysfunctional upbringing was somewhat minimalized.

    As I made my way through life, I’ve always seemed happy enough, pretty enough, and smart enough, yet I grew acutely aware there was a happiness ceiling I was hitting my head on, fully conscious of the fact that it simply was not high enough.

    While I experienced happiness regularly, when it came to feeling joyful, there seemed to be a disconnect. I was too guarded and allowed myself to become hardened, stiff, and in a state of resistance.

    I thought that in order to be strong and powerful I had to be tough and put up a good fight, putting up protective layers of resistance. Ironically, in an effort to be strong, I was giving up my power.

    My happiness was largely contingent on other things happening or not happening as if it was out of my control. I now can attribute this disconnect as a result of resisting my true authentic nature and not staying open and vulnerable to the calling of my inner Higher Self, due to the layers of walls and blockages I have built.

    There came a point in my life after my father’s traumatic death to cancer when I decided I no longer would accept going through my days hardened, disconnected, or defensive. I had not fully forgiven him at the time of his passing, but I made a conscious choice then, and now it’s a daily evolution, where I choose to surrender to my vulnerability instead of hiding from it.

    Through yoga, meditation, and a lot of conscious intention setting, I began to shed these walls one layer at a time, revealing each time the softer side that I’ve always known to be a core part of my being—the side that is moldable, connected and resides with a deep inner knowing; the part that changes, grows and allows.

    These days I choose to take my power back and wear my heart on my sleeve, where it belongs. This doesn’t mean I’m overly emotional, but I do allow myself to be vulnerable, to drop my resistance and feel my way through my experiences, reflecting as needed in pursuit for higher meaning behind anything that would otherwise cause me pain.

    I’m acutely aware that everything is fleeting or temporary, and because of this I try my best not to take things for granted. With this awareness I feel I have no choice but to completely absorb the moment by allowing myself to be vulnerable and truly deeply feel.

    The challenge lies in discerning what beliefs no longer serve you and understanding that, while you have emotions and deep feelings, you are not these emotions or feelings, and rather they are there to help guide your life’s experiences.

    If we move through life mistaking vulnerability for weakness, or build walls to hide from our vulnerability, we stifle the fruition of the very experiences we long for, and true love, joy, passion, and freedom will fall painfully at our feet, appearing out of reach.

    To be vulnerable is to be in a state of trust and courage. From this state, all things are possible and our drive, willpower, and strength align with who we really are, not what we fear.

    Any strength that lies outside of vulnerability is a façade built by fear. It must be shed to allow our completely raw and unrefined truth to shine through, so we can deeply experience all of life’s’ beautiful sharp edges.

    Joyful woman image via Shutterstock

  • Overcoming the Worst Part of Finding Your Passion

    Overcoming the Worst Part of Finding Your Passion

    Reach for the stars

    “You gain courage, strength and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face.” ~Eleanor Roosevelt

    Finding my passion made me fat.

    Not fat in an “I have to wear a Homer Simpson Mumu” kind of way, but in an “I eat cookies and chocolate all the time and I’m not sure what happened to my muscle. Oh, and these pants, they don’t really fit anymore” kind of way.

    I always was a stress-eater. Not early in my life, but as soon as I arrived, confused and distracted, into the world of corporate America.

    I ended up being a consultant after merrily traveling the world and earning an international Masters Degree. But, tired of being poor and rained on (I lived in Belgium for awhile), I headed back to the East Coast and into an office. That’s when the stress eating started. And it stayed with me for years.

    I managed, through a lack of grocery shopping and the occasional bad break-up, to control my weight despite a ready influx of cookies and cupcakes that always seemed to find me. But I thought to myself, “Okay, I’m eating like this because I’m unhappy and bored at work. As soon as I find my passion, I’ll be really svelte and trim. No worries.”

    I spent years on the quest to figure it all out, dreaming about finding a career that required wearing a tiara and spending time at the pool, and complaining about how I’d be stuck in my day job forever.

    Finally, I really did start to find my way. I thought about a few career fields that fit with my interest in helping people with their careers, and explored them. After attending a weekend on coaching, I was hooked. I knew career coaching in some form was my destination; I just had to get there.

    So, I got certified as a coach.

    I set up a website.

    And, I finally quit my job.

    And that’s when the stress eating really happened. Terrified about being without benefits, a steady paycheck, and a pretty fancy title for the first time in a long time, I panicked. Hard.

    Cookies and ice cream and chocolate couldn’t do enough for me. They filled a void that I hadn’t even seen coming. And I ate. And ate. And then took naps because my blood sugar was out of control.

    I was locked in a crazy cycle of eating, sleeping, and worrying—and I was terrified. I had found my passion after all, right? How could I be feeling worse than I did when I was consulting?

    Every time I felt afraid, I ate.

    And then I realized: every time I felt afraid…I ate.

    I was literally eating my fear.

    And that’s when I took myself out for a walk. Sitting and worrying and staying in my head was doing nothing for me. I had to try something else. Walking seemed as good an idea as any.

    As I walked, I asked my heart this question: “Is this the right path for me?”

    And then I kept walking, took deep breaths, focused inward on my heart, and listened.

    As much as I was hoping for a “Yes! And here are three things to do right now to feel better,” what I got instead was a feeling of peace and certainty.

    I was on the right path; I just had to put down the cookie and feel my fear instead of eating it.

    I went back home and thought about all of the things I wanted to do with my life, even though they felt terrifying. Things like moving to a place on the ocean, traveling more, and only working with individuals and not companies.

    I put together a list of everything I thought I should do, even though I felt weighed down by these ideas. Things like buying a home in my current location, working for anyone who would pay me, and traveling less and saving money.

    Then I threw away that second list. I was determined to live life on my own terms, no matter how scary.

    And I’ve never looked back.

    So now it’s a few years later, and I did move from DC to San Francisco, I only work with cool people instead of big companies, and I’m kind of excited for my next trip… to Oregon. I know, nearby, but I’ve never been!

    For me, the worst thing about finding my passion was the fear. The best thing about finding my passion was facing down my fears and embracing what I really want.

    I still feel them, but they have less power over me now, and I don’t think I’d have the kind of success I do now without having taken a leap of faith and truly listened to my heart.

    Struggling with fears around your passion? Here’s how to stop.

    1. Get your body involved.

    Go and do something that relaxes you and brings you some peace. Walking, yoga, crafts, fishing, sitting in the sun—do whatever you love to do. It’s time to get out of your head so you can hear what’s inside your heart.

    2. As you do it, ask your heart: Is my passion the right path for me?

    Take a few breaths, and focus inward. See what you feel in your heart.

    3. Write it out.

    Go home, and make a list of everything you want to do related to your passion, no matter how scary, and why it’s important to you. Now make a list of everything you think you should do instead. Throw the second list away.

    4. Remember that feeling in your heart, and pick one thing on your list of wants.

    Now plan how you will do it. You only need to take one step to start the journey, and with every step you take the less afraid you will be. You can do this!

    Reach for the stars image via Shutterstock

  • That Horrible Job You Hate Might Just Change Your Life

    That Horrible Job You Hate Might Just Change Your Life

    “What you do today can improve all your tomorrows.” ~Ralph Marston

    Before I started my business, I spent three years at an ad agency and a little over a year at an international furnishings retailer. I also waitressed, wrote freelance articles, designed and developed a church website, and worked in an incredibly boring mailroom.

    Some of those jobs (let’s be honest, most of those jobs) totally sucked.

    In the mailroom, my boss was a sexist jerk with a Napoleon Complex.

    In waitressing, I spent too much of my time being other people’s emotional punching bag.

    And at the ad agency—the most relevant, fun, and useful of my full-time jobs—I worked myself half to death, burning out around the three-year mark and seriously contemplating a simple life spent working at Starbucks and never taking my work home with me.

    Sometimes, in the middle of the day, I would walk around the block and cry my eyes out because I was so exhausted. So you won’t be surprised when I say that I don’t look back on any of those jobs and want to relive them. I don’t think back on them and feel nostalgic.

    And if you told me that you hated your job or even that you loved your job but you’d burned yourself completely out, I’d say, “I hear that, sister!” And then I’d help you come up with a practical plan for quitting and doing something truly spectacular.

    That said, it’s only now that I’m truly working toward what I want, doing the things that inspire me, that I can look back and realize that every single job I had, with every good, bad, and ugly thing about it, led me perfectly to the place I am today.

    Waitressing taught me patience. It taught me how to work with people (even entitled, difficult, or angry people). It taught me not to take everything so damn personally.

    At the furnishings retailer, I learned about account management, event planning, eStore management, and editing content across multiple countries and cultures.

    At the ad agency, I learned how to run my own business.

    I sat with the accountant while she explained how she balanced the books. I worked alongside the designers and developers and learned to speak their language and respect their work. I wrote and strategized content for every format you can imagine. I managed client projects. I flew across the country to present on social media in front of hundreds.

    I also learned the art of the short sentence, the closely edited article. I worked closely with the Creative Director on brand slogans and ad concepts for big brands. And I learned how to sell. Sell my ideas. Sell our services. Sell my expertise.

    I learned that when you’re constantly selling yourself, you start to believe in yourself more.

    In other words, all the tools that made my first business successful were things I learned on the job at jobs that weren’t my dream.

    All the skills I’m using now as a full-time travel writer—my long-time dream job—come from a history of difficult, sometimes heartbreaking work.

    Which is why today I wanted to offer up a little encouragement:

    If you’re in a totally sucky job you hate or even a job that you kinda love but that is zapping your energy and killing your creativity…

    It’s okay.

    Because you never know how those skills you’re developing now might just set you up for future success.

    So, while you’re in that not-so-ideal job, learn as much as you can. Hone your skills. Connect with your colleagues. Go for that award. Volunteer for a task you want to learn more about.

    And in the meantime start looking for or planning for the thing you really want. That job at a company you admire. That career as a freelance creative type. That business idea that’s been coming up over and over again.

    Make a change. Do what you love.

    But also take advantage of what you can now. And remember that you can’t know just how much that job is doing for you until you’ve left it in the dust. The things you do today can change everything…even if you can’t see it yet.

  • Your Job Doesn’t Define You, No Matter What You Do

    Your Job Doesn’t Define You, No Matter What You Do

    “I’ve learned that making a ‘living’ is not the same thing as making a ‘life.’” ~Maya Angelou

    When I started working toward a life of freedom a year ago and dared to set my sights on my dreams, I never imagined I’d be where I am today.

    However, if you took a snap shot of my life three years ago, you’d have seen a different person. I was a career woman, a high flyer, rising quickly from an office manager to the head of human resources for a fast growing, successful business, going from strength to strength.

    I was living the dream, earning more than enough money to make sure I could buy whatever, and I’d finally become a success at long last!

    Yet today, the story is the complete opposite. I am a cleaner. I work part-time seven days a week, cleaning and clearing up after other people. I work for minimum wage and I work physically hard every single day.

    Who I Thought I Was

    I thought I couldn’t get a better job, a better position in life, or a better chance to show the world that I had finally made it. I was earning substantial amounts of money, getting to travel the world, and buying whatever I wanted.

    I thought that if I could just make it somehow, and prove it to everyone because I was working in London fifty hours a week, that I’d get the respect I’d always deserved. I was completely and utterly defined by my career. Without the job, the status, and money I’d be nothing a nobody, and who wants to be that?

    So, what happened?

    I quit. One day I just decided that it wasn’t for me. It was too stressful; it was life-numbing work, killing me from the inside out. I knew I no longer wanted to work for someone else’s dreams. I was tired of working hard, on the verge of becoming mentally unstable and feeling utterly miserable.

    I realized that what I did as a job wasn’t what mattered. What mattered was the fact that I was happy, that my purpose went a lot deeper than sitting behind a desk, with my head in my hands wondering what the hell I was doing and why.

    The Journey Began

    Once I’d started on this journey, I knew there was no going back because I’d never be satisfied. So I began searching for what really made me happy, what I loved to do, and how I could use that to serve the world.

    I wanted to contribute, to make a difference, and inspire others to do the same. It was like a light had finally been switched on in my brain. I realized that life was what I made it and I didn’t have to do what everyone else was doing. I could try something new, step out of the ordinary, and live an extraordinary life.

    The thing was, however, I had no money. When I’d quit my job, I’d mounted up a lot of debt. My credit cards were maxed out, and the money I did have I had to use for bills, rental payments, and to pay off those debts.

    I became very scared and anxious, as I wanted to follow my dreams and search for what mattered; yet, I still needed to live. I wasn’t about to go backward, so I had to admit defeat; I had to get a job, a menial one, something that required little attention or time that would still paid the bills.

    So I became a cleaner.

    I won’t lie to you; it wasn’t easy. For so long I’d been a high flyer. I was proud of being known as a success and loved being able to afford anything I wanted. Then here I was, a failure, the type of person I felt sorry for and could never imagine being.

    I had become someone I never wanted to be. I was embarrassed to admit it to people, but at the same time I knew I had to do it. Financially, it took the pressure off. It also gave me the freedom to do what I loved during the day, and most of all, it allowed me to rediscover my dreams and work toward them.

    Your Work Doesn’t Have to Define You

    It took me a long time to realize that my work didn’t have to define me. All that mattered was that I could pay my bills, which was the only reason for doing this. The fact that everyone else saw me as just a cleaner didn’t mean a thing; they could think what they wanted.

    I was the only one who knew the truth. I didn’t have to justify myself to anyone anymore.

    It was so liberating.

    Of course, there are down sides. I have days where I get so exasperated, so frustrated that I have to do this job. I get a little down and disheartened, but each time those doubts pop into my head I instantly turn them into something positive.

    So how can you deal with these down times when you’re doing something that isn’t your dream?

    Realize it serves a purpose.

    Remind yourself why you are here, why you are doing this job, and what you are getting out of it. Remember there is a reason for it, and that reason is to pay the bills, the rent, or buy food, and that’s it.

    It’s not that you are a cleaner, or a garbage collector, or whatever you decide to do while you work on your dreams. You are a planner, an achiever, and you are courageous enough to do what has to be done to make sure your dreams happen.

    Be grateful.

    Seriously, this is the most important thing you can do. When I get down I remember that I am so lucky and grateful for the fact that I can do a job, get paid for it, and still work on my dreams.

    If I had a nine-to-five job, I probably wouldn’t be where I am today because I’d be too tired. I’d be too comfortable with the money, the work, and the easiness of it all, so I’d probably stay stuck.

    Sometimes it’s good to be doing this kind of work, as there’s something you really want to get out of. It will motivate you so much more in that way. So always be grateful for having this opportunity.

    Keep cheerful.

    Whenever I go into work, I see all the office staff looking down and depressed. I remember what it felt like to be stuck behind a desk all day doing work that did little for me. So I make sure I am cheerful.

    I spread a little bit of light around me because I feel so lucky to have gotten out of the rat race. If I can make other people see that cleaning isn’t who I am, it’s what I make of it that matters, then perhaps I can inspire others to do the same.

    I hope these will inspire you and keep you on the journey toward your dreams and purpose in life. It’s so important not to let what you do affect who you are. Some people will only see you for what you do, but those people don’t know what you know.

    Always feel blessed and honored to be able to follow your heart and have the courage to go after what makes you happy.

    If you are like me, you are very lucky indeed—and if you want to follow your dreams, begin today before it’s too late!

  • Making Your Passion Your Career (Despite the Naysayers)

    Making Your Passion Your Career (Despite the Naysayers)

    Painter

    “Don’t let life randomly kick you into the adult you don’t want to become.” ~Chris Hadfield, astronaut

    As a kid, you put zero thought into doing what you loved.

    You simply played, not knowing that your future self wouldn’t play that much at all. Work was serious business.

    When I was in kindergarten, our classroom had a block center, a board game shelf, a home center with dolls and a play stove, a drawing center, and a sand table.

    We naturally gravitated to the area that was most fun, with no thought about what would look good on our future resumes or college applications.

    As far back as I can remember, making up stories, writing them down, and telling them to anyone that would listen were my favorite activities.

    Fast forward to high school, then college.

    It’s Time to be an Adult

    Others told me that writing and art were lovely little hobbies, but I needed to choose a real career, something that would make money. I looked around to see what the other kids would do, trying to spark an idea. If it wasn’t writing, I was clueless.

    I never thought of asking, “Why not?” Why couldn’t writing be a career? I just accepted that a job or career had to be something you made a realistic, intellectual choice about, and not one that came from your heart.

    And I wasn’t the only one who received messages like this. I heard Oprah say that as a child she was asked what she thought she would do as a career.

    She said, “Well, I like talking to people.”

    The person responded, “Well, you can’t make money doing that.”

    7 Failed Careers Later

    Years later, after I was told I couldn’t make a career out of writing, I ended up with a resume that was four pages long and days that were like a yearlong run-on sentence.

    I plowed through job after job, staring out the windows and riding the trains I hated to jobs I hated even more. I did a good job at most of them and earned a nice income.

    I was a school secretary, lifeguard, pre-school assistant, mortgage processor, office manager, dance teacher, and a few others I can’t remember. I taught sewing classes and even started two businesses thinking that being my own boss would solve my empty feelings.

    It didn’t.

    A Return to Love

    Then I reached a turning point and realized I needed to go back to doing what I loved and make it work somehow.

    I had a week off work and found myself writing from morning to night. I felt my headaches lifting and a sense of peacefulness developing. I submitted an essay to a local newspaper. The publication didn’t accept it, but I didn’t care.

    I knew it was time to make my passion my day job, and here is what I did.

    The next time I was asked what type of work I did, for the first time in my life, I answered, “I’m a writer.”

    I began to read everything I could about writers and bloggers who wrote for a living, how they did it, and how they transitioned from other jobs. I wrote daily because I loved it.

    No worries about publication or earning money from my passion, just pure unadulterated love. I decided not to lose hope no matter what.

    I responded to an online ad for writing work and got the gig. Though I was only writing a few blog posts for $25 each, it felt like a million dollars.

    So my kids started wearing their cousins’ hand-me-down clothes. I held my breath as I tightened my belt until I could barely breathe. The fridge had the bare basics, the electricity got shut off once, and the car got towed and it was a pain to get it back. But I managed.

    I took a course on writing, joined a business mastermind group, and worked with a mentor on writing during the mornings. I worked evenings and weekends to support myself.

    I was writing at last.

    Do you recognize your passion? Not hobbies or things you like doing for fun sometimes—the one thing that rises above all. Think back to what you loved to do as a child, what you gravitated toward for no reason other than fun, and you will find it.

    Are you ready to say yes? Turn your passion into a career one step at a time with the following tips.

    1. Tell one stranger.

    Even before you’re working at making your passion your day job or income source, go ahead and tell someone that you’re a _______. (Fill in the blank). At any chance you get, do it again.

    2. Obsess over it.

    Move your passion from the back burner of your mind to the front. Think about it every chance you get if you’re not already doing so. Read about people who have successfully transitioned into the work you want to be doing.

    3. Do it for love.

    Whatever your passion, forget about making it into a career until you spend enough time reveling in the absolute joy of doing it. Paint, write, dance, take photos, carve wood, whatever it may be for love and only love.

    4. Hope above all.

    Decide that you will never give up hope.

    5. Shout it out loud.

    Put an ad out or tell people that you are willing to do some work in your field of passion for pay or for free.

    6. Wear the tightest belt ever.

    Pull. Tight, if you must (if funds are an issue). I hate this part, but there’s no getting around this. See where you could take some funds from one budget and put it toward a course or mentor so you are not doing this alone.

    One person inspires another. If you are already pulled tight, reach out for a mentor or learn from free resources and YouTube videos.

    7. Forget “Easy does it.”

    Easy doesn’t do it. Period. You’ll face challenges, and resistance from yourself and others. Do it anyway.

    Goodbye Naysayers

    Whoever told you that you couldn’t turn your passion into a career had better sit down, because you may be on your way to doing just that. The girl with the pretty voice from the Bronx, the English writer on the train on welfare, the guy with the alcoholic step dad that became President.

    And now you.

    Stop Looking at the Odds of Failing

    The odds against successfully turning your passion into a career and making money from it seem so overwhelming. So stop looking at the odds.

    The longing of not doing what you are meant to do catches up to you, and it becomes like a faraway lover that you dream of, that will never return.

    The power is in your hands to make it happen day by day, and to blow the naysayers a kiss from the podium. Every moment of the journey is, in fact, an end result in itself.

    You will glow from internal approval, even if the money doesn’t come as fast and as much as you would like.

    Reclaim the act of doing your passionate work as your career, as if happiness depended upon it.

    Because it does.

    Photo by Garry Knight

  • When You Still Don’t Know What You Want to Do with Your Life

    When You Still Don’t Know What You Want to Do with Your Life

    “If you worry about what might be, and wonder what might have been, you will ignore what is.” ~Unknown

    Sitting at my kitchen table, I can’t help but ask myself over and over again how I got to be here. Just yesterday it seems I was sitting with my family for dinner, discussing my college plans and a future that seemed so far away from the comfortable and naïve life I always knew.

    Now, I am graduating from college and embarking on the unknown journey that is “the real world” with what seems like no preparation whatsoever. Well, I wouldn’t say that. If they had beer pong tournaments or sorority trash talking in this “real world,” I would be more than prepared.

    The funny thing about life is that it’s set up to always be preparing us for something.

    Elementary school gets us ready for junior high school, which prepares us for high school, which prepares us for college, which prepares us for this “real world.” We are set on this path right from the start and told to follow the path to get us to where we need to be.

    But what society doesn’t seem to understand is that humans aren’t designed to stick to one path. Humans are free flowing, always changing, and always moving. One moment we can be so joyful we want to start a flash mob in the middle of the train station, and the next we can be disheartened and hopeless.

    Our feelings are ever changing and ever flowing, as are our thoughts, beliefs, interests, and our relationships with others.

    Maybe this is why when we are told to pick a major, a job, or a career, we are ultimately faced with the hardest challenge of our life. We spent our whole lives preparing for this moment, after all. The decided fate of what we will spend our whole lives doing.

    When I was faced with the big decision of picking my major and future career four years ago, I was at a standstill. I had so many interests, how was it possible to pick just one? Being the over analyzer I naturally am, I contemplated for a long time, measuring the pros and cons of each profession. I planned and thought, and planned some more.

    But it was when I was on a road trip with my family to Colorado, when I had finally stopped planning and thinking, that everything made sense to me.

    I was sitting in the car next to my little brother, who has autism. He is nonverbal but probably smarter than any average thirteen old; people just don’t see him how I do.

    Pondering about life, as I had nothing else to do in a twenty-five-hour car ride, everything suddenly made sense.

    Speech therapy, where I can help people like my brother whose intelligence is underestimated due to his autism, suddenly became my purpose. I can’t explain the feeling other than it seemed like my brother was set on this planet to be my brother and to help me find this purpose in life.

    It turned out all that time contemplating my future had gone to waste, because I didn’t need to contemplate at all. I just knew, and the beauty of it all was that it came to me when I was doing absolutely nothing.

    So this is where the great plan idea doesn’t quite have it right.

    We spend our whole life in preparation. We don’t realize that while we’re planning, we’re missing out on the important things in life. While we’re planning, we’re missing out on the opportunities to relax and let the plan come to us.

    We’re missing out on valuable time spent living our lives worry-free and stress-free. Nobody needs a plan or a set path to get to where they need to be, because where you need to be is where you already are.

    Being someone who is in the process of growing up, I can confidently say that I believe humans never really “grow up.” But I do believe that humans are constantly growing and changing to be the best selves they can be. People have multiple purposes in life, not just one.

    So take those risks. Venture onto different paths; explore the paths that may seem far-fetched or unrealistic. Travel the world, start a business, do the things that are pulling you toward them.

    I strongly believe everything happens for a reason, and if you have an instinct to do something, there is a reason for that feeling.

    When you become confused about life, can’t make a decision, or are anxious about having a plan, take a deep breath and remember that life is a journey, not a destination. There is no plan required in life. The only thing required is to keep an open mind and go with the flow.

    You never know what might hit you when you are relaxed and doing nothing, and what instinct will draw you to your next adventure.

    It’s important to have faith in yourself and know that our internal selves are more powerful than we think.

    If we can trust ourselves, knowing that we don’t need anything external to give us answers, everything will come together. Remember, you know yourself better than anyone else, even if you don’t think you do.

  • Using Our Passions While We Can And Never Giving Up

    Using Our Passions While We Can And Never Giving Up

    Runner

    “Never underestimate the power of passion.” ~Eve Sawyer

    I am a runner in my heart and in my body. Running has provided me with so many life lessons that I cannot even count them. But having to fight for running has given me the most important ones.

    I still remember that day in September of 2002 when I went to my first cross-country practice. The coach told me it would only be an easy six-miler.

    Only? Easy? And a six-miler?

    “How does that even belong to the same sentence?” I wondered. I didn’t even know what miles were (being originally from Europe I only knew kilometers up until that point), but I sensed that six miles was somehow just way too long.

    You see, until 2002, I was an anti-sport, anti-activity, never-ran-a-step-in-my-life, skinny-fat couch potato. I walked the gym mile and even failed gym. Athletics wasn’t in my genes.

    Yet, there I was, at my first cross-country practice suffering through a so-called “easy six-miler.” It’s something that’s easy and short for me now, but back in 2012 it was a pain every step along the way. But I finished.

    My life forever changed that day. I ran my first race four days later. I fell in love with running forever.

    I improved quickly and steadily. I ended up continuing my college running on scholarship. I was All-State, All-Conference, All-Academic team, and I broke my personal record often.

    I worked extremely hard. I was a little running machine. I was a bit of a maniac.

    Post-college I started road racing: 5K-s, 10K-s, half marathons, and more. I ran my first marathon with a Boston Qualifying time… then I got hurt.

    To this day I am not sure what happened. It wasn’t an acute pain, and I hadn’t run through some pain leaving me with a chronic issue. But from one day to another I had terrible hip pain. I couldn’t run; even sitting was painful.

    The MRIs and bone scans proved that it was not a stress fracture, it wasn’t a labrum tear or other cartilage issue, and it was not tendonitis—but it was an excruciating pain. I saw many doctors and physical therapists. Nothing helped.

    I did all the exercises I was prescribed. I wore the clunky motion control shoes with orthotics and heel lifts, as recommended. I did it all. Yet, I was not getting better.

    I was in pain for over two years. Sometimes it was better and I could sit and walk pain-free. Sometimes getting out of bed was a question mark. Actual running was pretty much out of the question. But I longed for running and remained a runner in my heart.

    I kept searching and finally found my answer.

    A chiropractor suggested to change shoes: drop the ideas from other doctors, physical therapists, and shoe store employees; take the orthotics out, leave the heal lift behind, throw away the clunky motion control shoes, and go more natural. Just get some regular shoes without any fancy inserts and without any “new technology.”

    I had nothing to lose. I tried it. Within weeks I was able to run again.

    It has been two years since then. I’ve been running pain-free. I am training and racing again. I am not only a runner in my heart but also in action. Through this experience, I’ve learned:

    1. Do not take anything for granted.

    I appreciated running from that first six-miler on, but I have to admit, since it was in my life every day I somewhat took it for granted. Now, I say thanks every single day for all my past and present running experiences. I start and finish my runs with gratitude for the happiness, freedom, clarity, and connection to nature and health it brings me.

    You never know what is going to happen in the future, so don’t take things granted. Be thankful for people, activities, things, and experiences in your life. If you love somebody, tell them every day.

    2. There are lessons behind every challenge.

    Throughout the years of being hurt I asked, “Why?” so many times: “Why me? Why now? Why? Why? Why?”

    The reality is that having to fight to get running back into my life taught me so much that I would not have learned without getting hurt.

    I learned that I have an enormous amount of strength and will power. I learned to be patient. I learned to trust. I learned how to find passion in life besides running. And I learned not take anything in life for granted. These lessons were reason enough to go through the pain.

    You don’t have to be religious or spiritual to think that everything has a reason. Just keep in mind that there is a lesson to be learned behind every single experience—and then choose to find it.

    3. Trust the process.

    I always knew I would run again. I didn’t know what my answer would be—how I would heal and when I’d be back on the roads—but I knew that I meant to be running again, so I trusted the process.

    Trust wasn’t just a crutch to help me through the difficult times, but more like an inner-guide and certainty that this, combined with time and effort, would guide me to my answer, whatever that may have been.

    Life can get crazy and chaotic. Sometimes you feel like you are lost in the forest and don’t know your way out. But trust the process. Always trust that eventually you find what you are looking for. If you trust the process, you will.

    4. Be open to try anything.

    Imagine if I had been closed-minded. I would have never trusted my chiropractor’s shoe advice. I would not be running pain-free today.

    No matter how crazy or unconventional something sounds, always keep an open mind. Be willing to give anything a shot that resonates with you even a bit. It just may change your life for the better.

    5. Never give up.        

    I was in pain and out of running for over two years. Yet, I never gave up. I am running today because I held onto my passion.

    No matter how tough things get, never give up on your dreams. Remember, it can’t rain forever. After the rain there is sunshine, everything will be brighter, and you will be happy for having stayed the course.

    6. Live with passion.

    Running is my passion and it makes me feel alive, happy, and free. I am able to transfer the joy, happiness, energy, freedom, and clarity I receive from running to other areas of my life, including relationships and work. Thus, my passion for running makes my other areas of life more beautiful too.

    Having a passion and living passionately is key to living happy and healthy life. So go find you passion. Use your passion. Live with passion.

    Photo by Aaron

  • 3 Keys to Feeling Happy, No Matter What Happens

    3 Keys to Feeling Happy, No Matter What Happens

    Smiling Flower

    “Look at what you’ve got and make the best of it. It is better to light a candle than to curse the darkness.” ~Proverb.

    The year 2013 was the happiest of my life.

    Not because it was the most perfect or problem free year. In reality it was as messy, sad, and as difficult as any previous year.

    In October I looked at the last correspondence between my biological father and me for the first time since his suicide years before. I felt as devastated as the day he died. Healing is a much longer journey than I’d imagined.

    Around March my psychologist noted that I was codependent on my blissfully independent husband and in serious need of my own identity.

    In August I traveled to the U.S. for the first time in three years, and people I love rejected me.

    From April to November I hated the stress, demands, and despair of my job and wanted to quit. Every single day.

    That’s not all.

    Extended family ignored requests to help me write a memoir about my biological father and grandmother. I gained weight, broke my toe, and couldn’t get rid of an itchy rash. Not a single piece of my writing got published and my blog went days without a visitor.

    The miracle of 2013 is that I broke free of the notion that happiness is an if/then proposition.

    If…I get the job, if he loves me, if I stop feeling anxious, if my health gets better (insert your own if here)…

    …then I will be happy.

    Happiness is not when everything turns out exactly how we want or plan.

    Happiness is a full-hearted, unreserved embrace of life—exactly as it is.

    I identified three keys to making happiness a more enduring state—not just a flickering emotion dependent on other people and results.

    Here is how I do it.

    1. Gratitude

    In 2013 I started keeping track of my gratitude. Each day I write between five to eight unique events I am grateful for. I don’t repeat anything from the previous day.

    If you grew up in an abundant environment and learned to be grateful because of it, awesome. I did not.

    Learning was a slow process for me. After twenty-one days I was not a more positive or grateful person. A hundred days in, it had completely changed my life.

    Gratitude does not come naturally to me, but it’s the surest path to happiness, I promise.

    Even when work sucks and people disappoint me or I let myself down, I make an effort to see all the spaces, places, and people for which or whom I am grateful.

    With time, I have begun to recognize my gratitude not just at the end of the day, but when things actually occur.

    2. Self-Compassion

    I accompany homeless adults on the arduous journey of trying to reenter the work market. Recently, one participant (in a drunken rage) broke the leg of the chair and threatened to attack another person.

    My team took care of the immediate danger, and the next day it was left to me to conduct the reflection.

    The conversation lasted less than five minutes. He justified his actions and I couldn’t muster up the courage to challenge him.

    “Is this your first time?” our new social worker asked with concern.

    “No, more like my hundredth,” I replied.

    Not my best work. I felt like a failure.

    One year ago I would have replayed the scene in my head over and over and called myself every name in the book. I’m the manager, what example am I setting, my team thinks I am a loser, the participant thinks I am a joke, etc.

    It’s hard to be happy, in any circumstance, when you are your own worst critic.

    Being kind to myself is a huge challenge—and a fundamental element in my pursuit of living an authentic and happy life.

    Recognizing that self-compassion is not weakness or going to make me a lazy, unmotivated slob has greatly increased my willingness to be nicer to myself.

    The truth is, the kinder I am to myself, the more willing I am to get up from each failure and try again.

    Writing not published? Try somewhere else.

    Friend not responding? Give it some time.

    Husband really mad at me? That is okay, it happens to everyone and we will work it out.

    How do you treat yourself when you fail? Make sure it’s with a hug.

    3. Passion

    After I recovered from the shock of the therapist’s statement that I had no clearly formed sense of self, I knew she was right.

    What now? How do I discover who I am?

    I asked myself, what do I love to do?

    I didn’t ask myself how I will make the most money or become famous or what I am the best at. I asked myself what I love and then acted upon the response without reservation.

    The answer was writing.

    I can’t identify independent clauses, I have never read Dostoevsky, I will probably never be able to make a living from writing, and it is what I love to do.

    This was the motivation to start taking online writing classes, reading books, and starting a daily writing practice.

    Better yet, by investing in one interest, several others had room to grow.

    In 2013 I took a photography class, began sketching, created desserts with no refined sugar, and started a blog—all of which I do while maintaining my full-time job.

    If no one reads what I write or looks at what I create, that’s okay.

    What matters is that I showed up for me.

    If someone asks you who are you, what are your hobbies, what you would do if money weren’t an issue and you don’t have an answer, don’t worry—I didn’t either.

    Simply start with what you love.

    Don’t judge, don’t censure, don’t over think. What do you love?

    Start. Today.

    —

    You will experience sadness and loss and suffering in life. There is no guarantee or protection against pain. But if you practice gratitude and self-compassion and invest in your identity, you will create a default state of happiness that will support all the difficulties and failures along the way.

    Take a deep breath, get in touch with who you are, and find something you appreciate about your life, exactly as it is. There you have it.

    Happiness is within your reach right now, no matter what is happening in your life.

    Photo by geralt

  • Breaking the Rust: 7 Tips to Move Forward When You Feel Stuck

    Breaking the Rust: 7 Tips to Move Forward When You Feel Stuck

    Rusty Chain

    “Change is inevitable. Growth is intentional.” ~Glenda Cloud

    The squeak emanating from my office chair had finally become unbearable. Like a slow drip of acid on the surface of my psyche, it had finally burned its way into my head.

    I stopped working on the article I was writing and strode into the garage to retrieve my toolbox. Time to replace that rusted out wheel with the shiny new one that I’d bought months ago.

    I leapt into action purposefully. Today, things would change.

    Three of the four bolts holding the wheel in place were out when things ground to a halt, as the last bolt was stuck.

    How many times do you find yourself embarking on a path of change when you are stopped dead in your tracks? You find something has rusted over time and does not want to move.

    You try various methods to loosen that one bolt—you curse it, try several different types of pliers, stop multiple times to make sure you’re actually turning the bolt the correct way. (God forbid you’re tightening it!) Why is this one bolt frustrating your attempts at transformation?

    So what happens?

    You put the bolts back in, liberally apply some WD-40 to the wheel to make the offending sound go away for now, and go on with your life, even though you know the irritation will be back soon enough.

    This scenario surfaces time and time again in my personal life.

    I am a person who does not like conflict and usually tries to find the smoothest path out of drama; I have been called a peacemaker.

    I toiled for years in several jobs that did not allow me to chase my own dreams. I kept my dreams buried under layers of personal rust. On the outside I appeared to be the dutiful husband, father, and employee while on the inside I was languishing. 

    I would decide it’s time to fix my issues only to be turned back by some preconceived notion that had frozen me into an uncomfortable position.

    My first marriage fell apart, a casualty to my own emotional stagnation. My wife pointed it out several times but I refused to change. I was stuck on a path I never wanted to be on. I was unfulfilled and it showed to those closest to me.

    My daughters grew up from infants to beautiful young ladies, yet I still didn’t follow my own path. I listened to the accumulated voices in my head telling me to follow the rules, don’t rock the boat. 

    The ultimate irony was that while I was stuck, I was telling my daughters to follow their dreams. At nights I would lay awake dreaming about the path I had abandoned but was too afraid to follow.

    I met a fascinating woman who challenged all of my ideas of what a partner could be. She dared me, pushed me, loved me, and encouraged me to listen to my heart.

    My first wife loved me, but unfortunately my frustrations—my rust—had helped drive her away. I vowed not repeat my earlier mistakes and slowly learned to trust my heart. In time, I found myself starting to loosen the stuck bolts holding my own squeaky wheel in place.

    How many times in life have you allowed the rust to accumulate around your happiness without realizing it?

    You approach the issue with resolve, vowing that this time you will make that change you’ve been thinking about (finding a new job, moving into a new department, going back to school, chasing a dream you thought was impossible).

    Yet you allow yourself to be turned back due to something that you perceive as being out of our control. You quietly shake your fist at the sky and curse the gods.

    How do you break the rust? How do you move forward in your development and inner peace?

    1. Figure out what the rust is composed of.

    The rust is inside you; you created it, and it’s inside your own head. Figure out what the issues are that allow you not to make this change you so desperately want to make.

    Retreat to a place where you can relax and search your soul. Define your goals, dreams, and aspirations, and realistically list all of the pros and cons for each.

    2. Conquer the “everybody’s.”

    In the book Finding Your Own North Star, author Martha Beck talks about the forces that limit us and hold us back. She refers to these forces as the “everybody’s”—as in “everybody says that is a bad idea,” “everybody tells me to stay in my current job,” “everybody says I am lucky to be doing what I am doing.”

    The question you have to ask yourself is: Who are these people? Are they real or a figment of your imagination? Often, they are the accumulated detritus of messages that have touched upon your psyche over the years.

    Write out your goals, things that make you happy, things you deserve in a fulfilled life, and then create two columns underneath each item. In the left column write down who would want you to achieve your ideals and in the right column, the people who would not want you to succeed in them.

    Hopefully there are no names on the left hand side, but if there are you have some serious soul searching to do. Who are the people restraining you? Do they really not want you to be fulfilled? Do they like seeing you unhappy or are they more encouraging than you give them credit for?

    Talk to them and find out what they really feel. I bet you will soon be able to move their name to the right hand side of your ledger of contentment. If you still have a few names on the left, ask yourself if you should let them direct your life choices. Who would you rather listen to, the large roster of supporters on the right or the few on the left?

    When you find yourself looking at your list you’ll soon realize who is holding you back—it’s you.

    3. Become a positive feedback junkie.

    Remove yourself from negative influences and surround yourself with people and situations that keep you focused on your ultimate goal. Become your own cheerleading squad. I kept a notebook where I recorded my inner thoughts—lists of what made me happy, daily victories, and the eventual objective.

    4. Build up your professional network.

    There are numerous individuals and organizations looking for forward-focused people. Linked In is a powerful tool in today’s business world. Dive into it.

    5. Ask for help.

    Many have changed their lives and are happy to help you. You will be surprised by how many people will step up. It’s human nature to want to help others.

    6. Realize it’s going to be hard, damn hard.

    Only you can change your path. Work on it after work, on weekend, before bed, anywhere you have free time. You owe it to yourself and your loved ones. Remember the age-old question: How do you eat an elephant? The answer: one bite at a time.

    7. Imagine the end result, focus on the good, not the bad, and keep going.

    As Winston Churchill said, “Don’t give up, don’t ever give up.”

    Recently I decided to leave a job I had been out for eight years. I enjoyed my coworkers but found myself uninspired and stagnant. My career had stalled.

    I did not come to this decision easily. It took months and months of soul searching to realize it was time to break the rust and move in a different direction. I gave notice and have not looked back since.

    I am in control of my destiny. My network is pointing out leads for me, inspiring me and advising me.

    What I have found is that people I meet are happy for me and ask how they can help. I’m excited about following the new path in front of me even if a little nervous about the potential to take a wrong turn.

    I am feeling more complete than ever before in my life, but I have to continually watch for fresh rust amassing.

    What a great feeling it is when you’re able to sit back into that favorite chair of yours and know once and for all that you have fixed the annoying squeak that was not allowing you to enjoy it anymore. Imagine a life and career where you are happy. It can happen. Just break that rust.

    Photo by Calsidyrose

  • How to Fall Back in Love With Your Life

    How to Fall Back in Love With Your Life

    Pure Joy

    “If we look at the world with a love of life, the world will reveal its beauty to us.” ~Daisaku Ikeda

    Ever found yourself in a rut, just waiting for some force of the Universe to pull you out?

    When ennui sets in, it can be hard to find a way back into the light, but it typically takes a series of events and choices for us to be living a life out of sync with our personal goals, values, and passions.

    Last year, I found myself in one of these ruts. After spinning my wheels for quite some time, I realized my so-called attempts at improving my circumstances were a farce—I was just exhausting my energy waiting for a savior to come to my rescue.

    Finally, when that savior never came, I snapped out of it and acknowledged I don’t live in some fantasy novel, and can’t invoke, by sheer will, a knight in shining armor. As Alice Sebold wrote in her memoir, Lucky, “You save yourself or you remain unsaved.”

    At the time, I was in a job I had long outgrown. A job that no longer provided challenge, growth, or even companionship. This alone had come to impact everything else in my life.

    Spending solitary day after solitary day was taking its toll, zapping my energy. By the end of the day, I no longer had anything left and didn’t want to do the things I normally enjoyed, like yoga or meeting with friends. I even struggled to regularly apply to new positions, disappointed and despairing with each rejection.

    Since I had just completed my masters program, I felt even more frustrated at my prospects. Had I just wasted three years of my life pursuing a degree that didn’t fit with my values or goals? Would I need to go to school all over again?

    Too many unanswered questions left me feeling hopeless and unmotivated.

    Then I met Hazel, a career coach I instantly connected with. It took me a few months, but I finally called her to schedule a session.

    Hazel helped me work through my self-limiting beliefs, determine my values—and value—and recognize that I could live authentically right now. I didn’t have to start from scratch.

    Here’s what I learned:

    1. Take the long way home.

    Sometimes it takes a literal change in perspective to change your mental perspective. During a week when my car was in the shop, I decided to walk home instead of catching the bus.

    It was raining outside, and the walk was at least seven miles, but I had nowhere to be. Some of the roads I took were roads I’d never taken before and some I’d driven many times. All of them were new to me that day.

    When I first moved to Denver, I walked everywhere, and everything was magical because it was new and special and offered up so much possibility. After being here for three years, the novelty had worn off and it was familiar—and the magic and possibility I felt at twenty-four seemed to have worn off with it.

    This walk brought me back the basics and opened my heart back up to the magic. I didn’t have to move to a new place, a place that would also inevitably become home and lose its magic if I let it. I just had to change my perspective.

    When we get bored or restless, we don’t necessarily have to move on. By taking the long way home, I fell back in love with my town, and by changing my physical perspective, I was able to see all of the possibilities that had been there all along.

    2. Move.

    I highly encourage movement to be a part of your daily life. Like anyone else, I can and will find excuses not to get outdoors or to yoga, but when I do, I feel recharged, centered, and empowered. Movement does this faster and better than anything else I’ve found.

    There’s a funny saying that if you stand on your head for a few minutes every day, you’ll change your perspective. I think this goes movement, too. When you shift your focus through movement, you start to see things a little differently, and the possibilities open up again.

    3. Surround yourself with the right people.

    There’s nothing wrong with relating to people or venting every now and again, but it’s also important to surround yourself with people and conversations that leverage enthusiasm, excitement, and satisfaction. Spend time with people who build you up, see and encourage your strengths, and who are, themselves, living authentically.

    Energy is contagious, and if you’re around positive energy and speaking with others in terms of positivity, you’ll begin to restructure your thinking, and, ultimately, the way you see and experience the world around you.

    4. Be present.

    I know, I know—this one’s been said before. But it can’t be said enough. One of the main reasons people feel dissatisfaction with their life is because they’re missing it.

    When we’re not present, we become a little numb.

    Taking in this very moment as it is, truly engaging—rather than living in your head, thinking about what comes next, or brooding (or pining) over what has past—can really heighten your appreciation and keep you from feeling that sense of emptiness that results from living somewhere other than the here and now.

    You may even be surprised by how easy it is to learn new things or remember pieces of information when you start to fully tune in.

    5. Identify your values.

    I had to identify human connection as one of my top values before I realized there was nothing wrong with me just because I couldn’t work in isolation. Once I recognized what was vital to my emotional well-being, I could pursue a life that ensured my values were a part of my daily world.

    What are your values? We often admire others and think we should be doing what they are doing to be successful and satisfied with our lives. In actuality, we probably admire them because they are living out their own truth. Authenticity is attractive, not quality X, Y or Z.

    Look within, not to others, to find your values; once you do, figure out how they can be put into action so you are living your most authentic life, and start taking steps, large or small, to make them your reality.

    6. Serve others.

    Ever notice how a little time in your head can help clarify things, while too much time just makes everything murkier? Get out of there, already!

    I hate to say it, but we (and I include myself in this statement) are a bit of a self-absorbed society. When we’re always thinking about me, myself and I, we become quickly dissatisfied. Maybe it’s too much time spent with unproductive thoughts or a lack of connectedness, but this self-absorption can quickly bring us down.

    The surest way to stop thinking about yourself is to start thinking about someone else. When you do something for someone else—out of love, compassion or connectedness—not obligation, you might find you’ve forgotten your troubles, and life actually feels fuller, more meaningful.

    I believe we are all connected and thus all have our own roles to play in which we contribute to the collective good. When we connect to that role, we simultaneously connect to our purpose and to each other, filling up that hollowness we can get when we’re not feeling so in love with our life.

    Falling back in love with your life requires a little determination and reflection, but mostly it’s about letting go and just tuning in—to your most authentic self and to the world and people around you.

    Photo by bellaleb-photo

  • Want More Joy in Life? Prioritize Things You Enjoy Doing

    Want More Joy in Life? Prioritize Things You Enjoy Doing

    “I don’t believe people are looking for the meaning of life as much as they are looking for the experience of being alive.” ~Joseph Campbell

    Because I am self-employed, I often find that my work is my life. There is no off switch when the day is over. Some days I get so caught up in the busyness that I completely forget myself.

    While my work is immensely meaningful and enjoyable, I believe it’s important to have other activities outside of work that bring us joy so we can live even fuller lives.

    When I get too caught up in my work of helping others, I forget the other things that are important to me. This makes me feel that I lack the balance of a multifaceted life.

    One day I realized that I was so caught up in helping other people that I completely forgot to help myself. As an introvert, it’s important to recharge my batteries by pursuing activities that recharge the soul.

    So I sat down with a pen and paper and did what most busy people do: I wrote a list.

    This was a list with a difference.

    I wrote down every single activity I enjoy. I wrote down every single activity I hadn’t tried but wanted to. And I wrote down every single place I wanted to visit.

    This was the beginning of actively creating joy in life. You can make of life what you will. Personally, I choose happiness.

    In positive psychology, a method for finding happiness and joy is being in a state of flow. You already know this feeling. It’s when you are completely tied up in what you are doing and you lose track of time because you are so engaged and stimulated in your activity.

    Often, activities that put us in a state of flow are creative—things like painting, playing music, cooking, sewing, reading, writing, and doing arts and crafts.

    Other activities that often put us in this flow state are physical. This could be gardening, hiking, bike riding, yoga, golf, and any other physical activities we enjoy.

    For ultimate happiness and health, I believe it’s important to pursue both creative and physical activities. Stimulating your mind and body leads to greater intelligence and a heightened state of awareness.

    Some might say to get into a state of flow you need to get a hobby. I think perhaps this is true. When was the last time you heard someone say they have a hobby?

    Hobbies seem to be something of the past. Today we are so busy. We get so caught up in work, family, relationships, pleasing other people, and technology that we forget to do the things we enjoy for ourselves.

    This is where my list came into play. It ended up being a multi-page list of every hobby I ever had, every activity I enjoy, and every activity I wanted to try. I then made it a priority to do at least one “happiness activity” every week.

    Taking time out of our regular day-to-day work and finding new ways to enjoy life is essential to our happiness and well-being.

    If your life is very busy, do not be fooled into thinking you have no time for hobbies. Everyone has fifteen minutes available, even if it cuts into your sleep or email time.

    Although fifteen minutes may not feel like enough time to get into a state of flow, it is enough time to feel joy and happiness. With a bit of practice, you might find you get into such a state of flow that fifteen minutes turns into an hour. Over time, you may find that these pursuits of happiness overtake the importance of busyness.

    If you think you have no hobbies now, the best way to find out what you enjoy is to remind yourself what you enjoyed as a child. Did you previously enjoy baking? Or drawing, or playing music, or playing football?

    Write yourself a list of every activity you ever enjoyed and every activity you’d like to try but haven’t yet. Pick one thing that you previously enjoyed immensely, and set yourself an appointment to give it a go again. When you are ready, set an appointment for one new activity you have never tried before.

    Your life could be transformed by this one simple act: making it a priority to do the things you enjoy.

    Ideally, you want to set time for this daily. I completely understand that this is difficult to do. At a bare minimum, you want to schedule it in weekly.

    Personally, I like to set aside one day every week to go for a hike. But sometimes if I don’t have time for that, I like to pick up my flute and improvise. If I only have a spare fifteen minutes to do this, I find the time just flies by, and it only feels like five minutes.

    Doing something like this is so good for my soul. I find that if I don’t schedule flow time, then I feel tired and overwhelmed with life. It is so important to me that I actually write it down in my diary and stick to it like any other important appointment.

    We can all experience more joy in our lives. We just need to consciously choose to create it.

  • Jump Off the Busy Train for a Simpler, More Passion-Filled Life

    Jump Off the Busy Train for a Simpler, More Passion-Filled Life

    Time concept

    “What you do today is important, because you are exchanging a day of your life for it.” ~Unknown

    A few years ago I was on the busy track. I was working a corporate nine-to-five job, studying at night, and trying to keep up a busy social life. I thought I was achieving it all by doing so many things at once, but really, I was just burning myself out.

    My life was a busy blur. I’d start my weeks feeling tired and end them completely exhausted. Time was a constant challenge. I was always rushing from one thing to the next, and in the little down time I gave myself off, I’d be so completely exhausted that all I could do was slump into the lounge chair and fall asleep in front of the television.

    Between working a high-pressure full-time job, studying my nights away, and maintaining a busy social life on the weekend, there was little time for me to just be. In the midst of the daily rush, there was no reflection or alone time. There was just busyness.

    Feeling this way, it didn’t take me long to realize that it was not what I wanted for myself. I was rarely happy or at ease, and I was feeling the strain big time. I pushed myself for answers and I realized that my pursuit of “doing it all” was in vain. I simply wasn’t happy.

    I wasn’t enjoying my job, and although it paid well and had some great career prospects, it drained every ounce of enthusiasm I had and left me dry.

    It would leave me feeling so dry that I’d throw myself into action during every ounce of time I had spare, to the point of exhaustion, as if to try and salvage those wasted forty-plus hours a week I’d spent at work.

    I was studying a design course three nights a week to make up for my lack of passion for my job and I was out all weekend drowning my sorrows, rewarding myself for just getting through another lackluster week.

    It was madness and something I couldn’t keep doing. Every day drained me and ate away at me just a little more, but still, time went on. The days became weeks and the weeks flowed into months.

    I wanted to jump off the busy train, but making a change was hard. Though I knew that my job wasn’t where my passions lied, I couldn’t just throw it all in and quit. I had bills to pay and my love of design was just that at the time—a love, not a moneymaker.

    I struggled for months with this decision, thinking of every possible way I could make things work. But none of them compelled me to action. The truth was, I was scared.

    Right when I was almost at breaking point, salvation came for me in the form of a company restructure. Cuts were being made and I was called up for retrenchment.

    My retrenchment was a blessing in disguise. While I was worried about how I would make it work, I knew it was the push I needed to live a simpler life, more in tune with my passions.

    With this in mind I was convinced I could make it happen. I decided, then and there, that I would pursue my studies full time to do what I loved and work whichever other jobs I needed to work to make it happen. I started looking for part-time office jobs, and to my surprise, there were some great ones.

    Within a month I’d found the perfect part-time job that would let me launch into my studies with full force while still making ends meet. I’d have to make some tough cuts to my spending to make it work, but I knew I could.

    The tradeoffs were tough at first, and living my newfound modest lifestyle wasn’t always easy, but it was more than worth it. What I soon realized was that for all the material things I’d lost, I’d gained the most valuable thing of all: the freedom of my own time.

    I now had time to breathe, think, and live.

    Today I’m living a simpler life, one of freedom and choices. I’m still actively doing things every day, but I’m doing things I truly love.

    With my design diploma in hand, I’m working as a fashion designer and writing about my creative journey on my very own website. I’m living with joy and I no longer feel busy and stressed. Instead, I am energized and passionate.

    We can get so caught up in the pursuit of busyness that we forget what we are losing. In busyness we lose our freedom, our options, and a little piece of ourselves.

    Time is freedom. It enables you pursue your dreams and go after what you love. How you spend it determines whether you experience happiness or not. And at the end of the day, it’s all you really have. 

    Jump Off the Busy Train and Reclaim Your Joy

    If you want to jump off the busy train to make a change to a simpler, more passion-filled life, here are three things you can do:

    1. Take the change step by step.

    Instead of launching right in and quitting your job without a solid plan, make sure you have everything in place to make it work.

    Look into your options for part-time work or more flexible working arrangements, like working different hours or from home. Weigh up your viable options to free yourself from busyness and determine how you can make it work financially.

    2. Accept a better outcome, even if it’s not the perfect one.

    We would all love to jump in and pursue our passions full time but often it’s not practical, at least not from the outset. Instead of striving for perfect, find a better outcome in the short term.

    It doesn’t need to be an all-or-nothing approach. Right now, it might mean pursuing a passion on the side. In a years time, it might mean transitioning to a part-time working arrangement. Sometimes, good things take time.

    3. Scale back in other areas of your life.

    There is always give and take in life, and if you want to move toward a simpler, more passion filled life, there are going to be tradeoffs.

    Scaling back might involve selling your car, moving into a smaller house, and cutting back on meals out. These might all sound like big changes, but the reward you will receive every day from living in tune with what you love will far outweigh the sacrifice.

    If you’re feeling the weight of busyness in your life, challenge yourself to slow down. Don’t sell your life to the highest bidder, trading your time for dollars at the expense of your own happiness and joy. Reclaim your freedom and find a way to do what you love. Your happiness depends on it.

  • Why We Don’t Do What We Want to Do and How to Start

    Why We Don’t Do What We Want to Do and How to Start

    “If it is important to you, you will find a way. If not, you’ll find an excuse.” ~Unknown

    “The truth is,” she said, “if you can’t put fifteen minutes a day into your art, then you’re making an excuse.”

    I squirmed in my seat.

    It was February 1, 2011, and I was on the phone, interviewing Michele, a professional artist and artist’s mentor, for an online course I created.

    Michele was sharing what she tells the artists in her mentorship program who complain of not having enough time to do their art. Her words were intended for her mentees, but it felt like they were aimed directly at me.

    As an artist myself, I knew making art made me happy—made my whole day go better, in fact—and yet I was always too busy to do it. Was I just making an excuse?

    I didn’t want to admit this truth to myself, but when confronted with the starkness of Michele’s statement, I had nowhere to hide.

    I’d spent years believing I needed big chunks of time to make my art, but if fifteen minutes a day worked for Michele and the serious artists she mentored, maybe I was clinging to a false story, operating under a “self-installed glass ceiling” that was limiting my beliefs about what was possible.

    That day changed my life. Once I accepted that my mindset was the only thing really getting in the way of my “impossible dream” of a consistent, prolific art practice, I committed to trying this fifteen minutes a day idea, as an experiment, for one month.

    I admit I was skeptical that fifteen minutes would be enough to accomplish much, and I couldn’t imagine that such a short amount of time would even begin to satisfy my hungry inner artist. But waiting until I had big chunks of time to work in my studio had gotten me nowhere.

    For over a decade I’d lamented that I never had enough time to do my art. Surely, even fifteen minutes would be better than nothing.

    In fact, my fifteen minutes a day experiment resulted in my most prolific year ever. It stretched well beyond that original first month, and in 2011 I created more art than I had in the previous decade—over 150 finished pieces.

    But it didn’t just make a difference for my art life. This experiment had effects that rippled out into the rest of my life, too.

    When I finally made space in my day—even just a handful of minutes—to do something I loved but had somehow been resisting for years, I realized that my previous “inability” to find a way to make time for my art was, as Michele had said, just an excuse.

    However, I had clung to this excuse not because making art wasn’t important to me. To the contrary: it was precisely because it was so very important to me that I couldn’t seem to get myself to do it.

    Sometimes we make excuses to avoid unpleasant things, it’s true. But human psychology is complex. Perhaps just as often we make excuses because we want something so much it hurts.

    On the surface, this doesn’t make logical sense. Dig a little deeper, though, and things start to become clear.

    “If I do this thing that I really want,” we might think, “I might prove once and for all that I’ll never be any good at it.”

    Or, “If I try, I might fail.”

    Or, “If I step into this bigger identity for myself, I’ll have to let go of my comfy, old identity. People might expect more of me, or they may be threatened or disappointed.”

    And, ultimately, “If I do this, everything might change, and change is hard!”

    No wonder we resist! It feels so much safer not to try at all.

    There are infinite reasons why we make excuses not to do what’s important to us, and the more important something is to us, the more likely we’ll resist it.

    How to break the cycle? By looking resistance square in the face and taking responsibility for finding a way instead of finding another excuse. By acknowledging what is really important, and committing to making it a priority.

    When I finally took the big, scary step to put just a tiny bit of time toward my art every day, something shifted. I started to notice other ways I’d been avoiding things that were important to me.

    Suddenly, the “sensible” reasons I’d given myself for not going after other important goals shone forth as the excuses they really were, like ping pong balls under black light.

    As for my story that I didn’t have time to get to the gym or to go walking every day—I accepted that this was simply an excuse, changed the paradigm, and brought the gym to me: I set up a cheap treadmill in my studio, so I can walk while I work at my computer. It’s now a rare day that I don’t walk at least five miles, and ten or more is not unusual!

    And about my story that I am, and will always be, something of a slob—I accepted that this was just an excuse, too, and I’ve been clearing out clutter, getting rid of stuff little by little, slowly getting closer to the spacious, organized home and studio I really want.

    It won’t happen overnight, but my fifteen minutes a day commitment to my art showed me that baby steps, over time, will take you further than you ever imagined. 

    If something is important to you and you haven’t found a way, don’t give up! Don’t just accept that it’s not important to you if your gut tells you that it is, but do look at where you might be spinning stories, creating excuses for yourself.

    If you accept that your excuses may be the only thing between you and your dreams, you may be surprised at what you can change in your life.

  • 50 Ways to Find Creative Inspiration

    50 Ways to Find Creative Inspiration

    “If we look at the world with a love of life, the world will reveal its beauty to us.” ~Daisaku Ikeda

    I have always loved that scene in American Beauty when Ricky Fitts shows his video of a plastic bag blowing in the wind.

    He’s the complete opposite of his neighbor Lester Burnham, who seems to have decided long ago to live life in a comatose state of submission, completely disconnected from authentic joy.

    Ricky seems inspired by everything that most people simply overlook. He explains of his bag video:

    “It was one of those days when it’s a minute away from snowing and there’s this electricity in the air, you can almost hear it. And this bag was, like, dancing with me. Like a little kid begging me to play with it. For fifteen minutes.

    “And that’s the day I knew there was this entire life behind things, and… this incredibly benevolent force, that wanted me to know there was no reason to be afraid, ever. Video’s a poor excuse, I know. But it helps me remember—and I need to remember. Sometimes there’s so much beauty in the world I feel like I can’t take it, like my heart’s going to cave in.”

    Though it can look different for all of us, I suspect this is the feeling we wait for in life: a sense that there’s boundless beauty out there, and we have the capacity to feel, channel, explore, and express it.

    We all want to feel moved, and then to use that to create love, joy, passion, and purpose.

    If you’ve been feeling stuck or uninspired, these ideas may help you find inspiration. (more…)

  • How To Keep Yourself Motivated When You’re Not Feeling It

    How To Keep Yourself Motivated When You’re Not Feeling It

    “A diamond is just a piece of charcoal that handled stress exceptionally well.” ~Unknown

    I’m great with short-term goals. In fact, I prefer them. Work my butt off for a few months to reach a goal? I’m down with that. I’ll give up a social life, down time, spending money, eating yummy food (read: sugar), drinking alcohol—whatever it takes, for the short-term. Long-term goals… ugh, not so much.

    Despite this preference for pretty immediate gratification, I have followed through with many long-term goals in my life (school and various trainings, long-distance relationships, starting and re-starting businesses, to name a few).

    There have also been quite a few of these goals that I’ve dropped that I wished I hadn’t.

    I, like many of us, have noticed a pattern of finding it much more difficult to stay engaged once the initial excitement of starting something new has worn off.

    Through this learning process of motivating myself to follow through with longer-view goals, I’ve come up with a few steps that have really helped me to stay focused and on track. Here are three steps that can help.

    Remind yourself that you’re in charge.

    There are loads of reasons we get off track with goals. Self-doubt, fear we won’t succeed, and concern that we are not setting realistic goals are just a few of them.

    This is really important to remember: You can change this goal if you want. You can keep going, you can revise it, or you can dump it altogether.

    When we are experiencing doubts, it’s easy to feel like we have no power; it’s easy to feel like we don’t have a choice. However, most often, we do.

    I find it helps to simply remind myself that I’m in charge. Many times, when the going gets tough, we begin to feel like the choices we made (sometimes long ago) are not our own. Sometimes a reminder to ourselves that we are the ones who originally set this goal is a good way to rev the engine.

    When I first started acupuncture school, I was pretty young, but it had been several years since I’d been in school. I’d been living on my own, partying it up, and doing whatever I liked.

    I saw pretty quickly that I had to get serious, stop staying out late so often, and learn to organize my time and resources far better than I had been. In short, I had to get productive.

    Well, the meltdown that ensued was not very attractive. I didn’t want to give up my young, single, and independent lifestyle! I didn’t want to trade late nights with my friends for late nights with textbooks and manuals!

    That went on for about a week, until a wise friend (who was tired of my whining), said, basically, “You wanted this. Get with it, or quit school.”

    It was the kick in the butt I needed to stop complaining and remember that I did want it. I was very driven to be an acupuncturist, because it’s an amazing modality. And I strongly desired (and continue to desire) to live a life of service.

    I won’t say it was completely smooth sailing from there on out, but my productivity and focus were certainly much improved.

    Look back at all you’ve already achieved.

    If you have been taking steps towards your goal for a while, then it can be great to take some time to consider all that you have already accomplished. All long haul goals take multiple, incremental steps to attain. Pat yourself on the back, and remind yourself of these achievements.

    The thing is, once an incremental step is attained, it can quickly feel like not quite so big of a deal. It becomes commonplace, and it’s not as exciting as it was when we first accomplished it. That’s normal, and understandable, and it’s great to look back occasionally and remind ourselves what a big deal reaching that step really was at the time.

    When I’m frustrated about what feels like a lack of movement toward a goal, I sit down and make a list of the steps I have already enacted to reach it, and what the results of those steps have been. I am almost always surprised at how much I’ve produced. This clarity helps in releasing those feelings of frustration.

    Explore the reasons you’re going for this goal and remind yourself often.

    While I was in school, there were many times when I simply wanted to quit.

    I had student loans (that were growing!). As I mentioned, there was little time for a social and personal life. I was learning a technique that required a very different perspective (energy medicine vs. the physical body) than I had previously.

    Besides that, I was starting to sweat the idea of running my own business. Would I fail? Could I make it work? Maybe I was nuts to think I could succeed at this at all!

    When I’d start to get too caught up in all that noise, I would literally sit down and remind myself of the reasons I’d chosen the path I had.

    I loved acupuncture; despite fear about being self-employed, I craved that independence; I resonated strongly with the concepts of energy I was learning, even if the vocabulary was new.

    Taking the time to have these talks with myself helped to re-invigorate me, to renew my focus, and encouraged me to continue.

    To really follow through with a longer-term goal, we have to have solid reasons that make sense to us.

    That said, goals aren’t set in stone. Like everything in life, it’s good to approach them with flexibility and open-mindedness.

    If you can’t successfully remind yourself of your initial reasons for going for the goal, and get re-ignited about those reasons, then it might be time to re-assess.

    Only we can decide what is best for us, and that can change over time. It’s so important to give ourselves permission to go for goals with full-on focus and gusto, or to change them, or put them aside for a while, or whatever else we decide is right at that time.

    What techniques do you use to keep yourself motivated on your goal-getting journey?

  • 7 Tips for Pursuing Your Passion, Even If You Feel Behind

    7 Tips for Pursuing Your Passion, Even If You Feel Behind

    SONY DSC

    “Don’t worry about what the world needs.  Ask what makes you come alive and do that, because what the world needs is people who have come alive.” ~Howard Thurman

    From center stage I looked out into the crowd as the stage lights warmed my face and did their best to obscure my vision.

    In the half-light of the seating area I spotted the faces of family, friends, many other members of the local jazz community, and other people who had come out to support me. Smiling. Clapping. Congratulating.

    I didn’t feel happy. Not exactly. The situation was too surreal to do much except just notice it. Nor did I feel relief that the event had more or less gone off without a hitch.

    It was the final concert that every jazz performance student at my university has to put on at the end of their third year. For me, it was particularly special because of all the obstacles I’d overcome to get there.

    I’d been accepted into the school having played guitar for two years, when most of the other students had been playing since the beginning of junior high at the very latest.

    And I’d only been accepted because the guitar instructor, who I’d taken a couple lessons with, told the judges panel during my entrance performance that I’d made the most week-to-week progress he’d seen in thirty years of teaching.

    At that time, I could barely even read music. But I knew my instrument well and was ridiculously driven.

    I also had chronic tendonitis.

    That year, I had only picked up my guitar for classes and performances. Otherwise it was too painful to touch. To practice, I would visualize the instrument and play in my head.

    Naturally, my outlet for my frustration over the situation was the very thing I couldn’t do.

    It had been the most challenging year of my life. In third year the gloves came off and we were expected to become true professionals.

    My friends would pull the occasional all-nighter to write an essay or finish a project. For me, practicing until five in the morning had become routine. I would have to laugh to myself when people told me I had it good—that I got to play for work.

    Yet, for that one night, on stage with some of the best musicians in the city—leading them even—I felt like I was truly one of them. The long days and longer nights spent practicing had been validated.

    It would be my final concert. My injuries were too much to continue playing. In hindsight, the growing problem had been incredibly obvious. But at the time, I wanted it so badly I pushed through the pain and threw out the long-term repercussions.

    When I finally stepped off the stage my friend LadyBird ran over and engulfed me with a huge hug, gasping “You did it.” She had been the one who convinced me to pursue music when I was in my last year of high school, and we’d spent countless nights together practicing over the last few years.

    Even three and a half years later, thinking of that night makes my eyes misty. A mélange of joy and sadness.

    The whole experience in the jazz program and the aftermath taught me an incredible amount about myself, life, passion, and persistence. Here are 7 of the main lessons I learned along the way:

    1. Only you can decide whether you’re “good enough” to do something.

    Everyone was a beginner once, and it’s better to start late than never.

    2. Be patient.

    Life will do funny things to throw you off course, but you have your entire life ahead of you to pursue your passion. Things don’t have to happen right away. Take care of the current situation, keep moving forward each day, and you’ll be happy where you end up.

    3. Don’t get so caught up in your passion that you neglect the other important areas of your life.

    I neglected my health and to a lesser extent, my relationships when I was pursuing my passion for music.

    Passion, that fire that burns brightly inside us, can push us to incredible heights. But it can also consume and destroy.

    Leading a well rounded life will make it easier to appreciate your passion and share it with the world than locking yourself away to pursue a narrow, single purpose.

    4. Ask for help from people have gone through what you are.

    Often we feel like asking questions is a sign of weakness, like we’re admitting our own ignorance. Nothing could be further from the truth. We’re admitting a willingness to learn and displaying humility.

    5. When you’re at your lowest moment, you’re near a huge breakthrough—even if it’s not the one you expected.

    It’s how we handle the worst moments that ultimately determine our success.

    6. Appreciate how amazing it is that you even have an opportunity to pursue a passion.

    That puts you in a minority of all the people who have ever lived. You don’t have to hunt/gather food, farm the land, or otherwise spend every moment focusing on your survival.

    You get to do something for the pure and simple fact that you enjoy it.

    And that’s amazing.

    7. Never, ever give up.

    I lied earlier. It wasn’t actually my last concert. Only the last one until the next one.

    Photo by Shan Sheehan

  • When Following Your Passion Makes You Miserable

    When Following Your Passion Makes You Miserable

    “The place to be happy is here. The time to be happy is now.” ~Robert G. Ingersoll

    It seems that in recent years people have really started waking up to the fact that they can do what they love, which is great. But what’s not so great is when it makes you miserable.

    Finding your passion can become another goal to be achieved in the future.

    Suddenly you find yourself believing that if you could just find that perfect passion, your life would be perfect and then you’d finally be happy. But life doesn’t work that way.

    You already have passion, joy, and purpose in your life. Following your passion is about starting where you are and realizing that all you have to do is follow the passion already present.

    Let’s Start with the Problem

    The core problem is waiting for something to happen. It’s believing that you can’t be passionate and happy right now.

    You didn’t come into this world understanding the concept of passion. When you were a child, you enjoyed life as it was, without concepts and without shoulds.

    In my own life, I noticed the tendency to think that if I could only get something or achieve my definition of success, I’d be happy.

    For example, I used to think that money would make me happy. Then I earned more and nothing changed. I was still me.

    After that, I thought that a relationship would make a difference, but I was still me. Don’t get me wrong, I love my partner, but it’s not up to her to make me happy.

    I changed because I got sick of chasing happiness in the future and saw how this created suffering.

    I was lucky to realize this at an early age. Right out of high school, I became a professional poker player because it allowed me to travel the world and make more money than I needed.

    When I first started playing I enjoyed it, but as the years passed I did it solely for the money, and it prevented me from doing what I truly loved.

    I now know that what I’m truly looking for is what’s already inside of me. I still get caught up in my old patterns of waiting, and when I do, I become miserable and powerless. I start losing hope. I start questioning whether I’m on the right path. And I wonder why life has to be so hard.

    But then I bring myself back. I take a deep breath, and I settle into the present moment. I realize that while following my heart is tough at times, it is the only way forward.

    The Art of Being Happy

    As I bring myself back to the present, I notice what brings true happiness into my life. And that is to simply follow the nudges of my heart.

    I might notice that I need a rest, so I’ll listen to what I feel interested in. I might read a book, watch a movie, or play with my son, Vincent.

    What makes your heart sing will be different from me. What matters is that you listen to and follow your interests, passions, and fascinations.

    Living a passionate life doesn’t necessarily mean that you’re in love with your life 100% of the time. It doesn’t mean that you never come up against challenges.

    In fact, the opposite is often true. You face more challenges because you need to let go of a lot of limiting beliefs, fears, and doubts. You will often know where your heart is pulling you, but you may not believe it’s possible. If you can let this baggage go, you’ll be well on your way.

    Following your passion means listening to those inner nudges. Because what living a passionate life comes down to is being happy in this moment. And to increase the happiness in your life, you have to do what makes your heart sing.

    Sometimes these nudges will be a subtle whisper, an inspirational feeling, or simply a thought that pops up out of nowhere while you’re washing the dishes.

    If finding your passion is making you miserable, the solution is to stop waiting. Stop believing in the lie you tell yourself that if only you could have this or that, everything would be fine.

    Stop waiting and take an inspired step. Center your attention in your heart and notice where you feel pulled. Let go of what may come out of it and just enjoy the ride.

    Use What You Have, Where You Are

    Put down the heavy baggage of what you think passion should look like and accept the way life is right now.

    Notice what you’re interested in, and above all, notice where your heart is pulling you.

    It’s not by listening to other people that you’ll uncover the life you want, but by listening to your heart.

    You are the expert on what you need. You have to be willing to take responsibility and stop thinking that some event in the future will make things better.

    A simple way to connect with your heart is to sit down, take a few deep breaths, and focus your attention on your feelings. There may be pain, but sit with it. Feel it fully. As you do this more and more, your connection with your heart will deepen, and you’ll activate your inner GPS.

    A Question You Can Ask

    Another way to connect with your inner wisdom is through writing. Ask yourself questions that help you uncover the gold inside you and then write until you run out of words.

    You don’t have to be a writer to do this. And you don’t need any particular tools. All you have to do is write down what goes on in your mind. Even if you don’t come up with anything coherent, you’ll get more clarity and feel better.

    To get you started, here’s a question you can ask: “In the future, when you’re already living a passionate life, what advice would you give to the present you?”

    I know we touched on focusing on the now, but asking a question like this is helpful because it helps you bring resources from the future into the present moment.

    Always remember to live life from this moment. Do your best with what you have, and forget the rest.

    “What If I Feel Lost?”

    Life is always in transition. If you try to figure life out, you’ll feel lost and overwhelmed. If you try to control life you’ll feel powerless, because it’s not up to you to control life.

    It’s not being lost that is causing you grief but thinking that you shouldn’t be. If you drop the thought that you’re lost, you’re just living life right now, which is all you need to do. It’s all you can do.

    When you let go of any need to get anywhere, or be someone, you immediately relax. The problem isn’t about feeling lost or stuck. Those are concepts you’ve learned.

    When you center yourself in your heart and follow your inner joy, you’ll get to where you need to be.

    The Bottom Line

    Following your passion has the power to change your life, but it can also make you miserable if you make it into another thing you have to achieve before you can be happy.

    You have to be willing to walk your own path. You have to be willing to listen to your heart and follow what feels true for you.

    The reason there is so much conflicting advice out there is because different people need different paths. If you try to listen to everyone, you’ll end up confused.

    That’s why it’s important to tap into your inner wisdom via meditation or writing. Center yourself in your heart and notice where it’s pulling you, then take the first step.

    Let life take care of itself. Relax and enjoy the ride, because that’s all you can do. Set the intention to be happy first, and your passion will come to you. And if it doesn’t, so what? You keep on going.

  • Embracing Change and Living with Passion: Awaken your Phoenix Spirit

    Embracing Change and Living with Passion: Awaken your Phoenix Spirit

    Triple Phoenix

    “All the wonders you seek are within yourself.” ~Sir Thomas Browne

    As history claims, the phoenix began as a common bird that’s nest caught on fire by the hand of a god-like figure. As the fire started to consume the bird, instead of suffering, she decided to dance in the flames.

    Eventually, the fire reduced the bird to ashes. However, this was not the end of that wise bird, for she knew her ending was only the beginning—the beginning of something greater than what she ever thought possible, a resurrection.

    The seemingly done-for bird emerged, more powerful and more beautiful than ever. The phoenix represents a rebirth. A rebirth of the body, mind, and soul, that unleashes itself when the spirit is set free from its self-inflicted shackles.

    I can relate to this story. For a long time I wondered if this fire burning inside me would find its way out and lead me to fulfill my own potential.

    With much struggle and countless nights awake, thinking about who I was and what it was that I really wanted to do, I went to University and obtained a business degree. I did this not because I really liked business but because I took the safe route, thinking that this degree would be my best chance of getting a job with a good pay.

    Although I received great grades, I was uninspired and lost, and afterward went from job to job and bad relationship to bad relationship, trying to find my way in all the wrong places.

    After a devastating breakup I realized that I needed some serious self-work. I asked myself: Why was I continuously looking on the outside for acceptance and fulfillment?

    Feeling at my lowest point, I decided I would finally work on what was inside and take a completely different path in order to find myself. I began a yoga teacher training course with a real Indian guru—an 88-year-old man who looked 60 and healthier than I was—who completely changed my outlook and my life.

    Skeptical at first by his humble, simplistic studio and easy yoga positions, I pushed on and stayed dedicated. Through practice, I could finally see through all my negative thoughts and constant worries about the past and the future, and just be—be in the present moment.

    I was freed of my own mind, and emerged as a more confident, self-loving, and less worrisome person. I was closer than ever to finding the real me, my own inner phoenix, my spirit.

    I redirected my thoughts, let go of people and career paths that did not serve my spirit, and embraced these choices as opportunities for growth. I saw it all as a new beginning to put me back on my true path.

    Now, instead of seeking answers and acceptance from the outside, I am true to myself and let my own inner voice guide me throughout my life.

    I learned that the fulfillment I desperately sought began with passion, regardless of what the passion is.

    I realized that my passions always lay in helping others and in the arts, especially music. I decided to join a choir, and to get involved in the community by volunteering at my local YMCA.

    I also found a job in a creative arts company and started teaching yoga, along with doing some interior design on the side.

    I am now in various shows with the choir around my city, am in more shape because of yoga and my free gym membership at the Y, and have a healthier and happier work-life balance.

    You can do something with what you enjoy doing, and it will eventually lead you to a place you never dreamed of. We all owe it to ourselves to put to use our gifts, because that’s why we have them!

    Let me tell you a secret about the phoenix: she’s in all of us.

    She’s there, just waiting to be unleashed. That fiery feeling inside of us, wanting to change our lives, feeling as though something is missing, this is the pre-condition of a radical change that is naturally starting to occur in your life.

    It is the passion within you waiting to be expressed, and ultimately the ending of the old you. Of course, one of the scariest things in life is change, but to embrace change is to embrace life.

    To be true to the feeling inside you, urging you to take another road if you are going down the wrong one is to be true to yourself.

    How do you act upon this inner change burning inside you? The answer is simpler than you think. Start by more frequently pursuing things that make you happy.

    As you move forward, you might start hearing those negative voices inside your head. That is normal and can be helped! Take a yoga class, or simply spend some quiet time alone listening to some soothing music to help clear your mind, and pray.

    Pay no mind to others’ opinions, or what others believe to be the right path for you. You can always start small. Sometimes just being a part of what you love can be enough.

    I have always wanted to be a singer, and just being able to sing for people within a group fulfills my need.

    I always have a need to make a difference in the world, and in my way I am doing so by volunteering for only three hours a week for a cause that I believe in, which to me is payment to my soul.

    Eventually doing these things that I loved uplifted me and set me back on my path.

    No one can know what truly makes you happy and alive except you. Eventually, your happiness will be enough to make anyone who doubted your choices come around—and your joy will be contagious to them, as well.

    Whether it be cooking, decorating, being with animals, or playing music, find a way to awaken that spark within you, and that glow will continue to grow.

    Through that growth you will start to awaken the phoenix within you, inspire others to do the same, and become stronger and more self-fulfilled than ever.

    Photo by Cameron Russell