Tiny Buddha

Tag: passion

  • In a Rut? Your Second-Grade Self Knows What to Do

    In a Rut? Your Second-Grade Self Knows What to Do

    Little Girl Meditating

    “Every child is an artist. The problem is how to remain an artist once he grows up.” ~Pablo Picasso

    It amazes me how often our personalities, habits, and interests as adults resemble the same ones that we had as elementary-aged kids. In fact, I’m convinced that when we are feeling lost, in a rut, or at a crossroads, we should consider the wisdom we had as eight-year-olds.

    I first became aware of my love for writing when I was in second grade. When my teacher created a class newspaper, giving each student an individual piece of paper on which to write stories of our choosing, I was in Heaven.

    She then arranged each story like a jigsaw puzzle onto multiple pages in order to make copies for each of us. Seeing my handwritten stories “published” onto paper for the entire class left me practically swooning.

    It was during this same time that my infatuation with music developed, and I first started using music to express myself.

    When my neighborhood boyfriend and I broke up, I did what any second-grade, romantically-inclined and musically-obsessed child would do. I danced and sang “Don’t Turn Around” by Ace of Base in my driveway.

    Imagining I was singing, “Don’t turn around, ‘cause you’re gonna see my heart breaking. Don’t turn around, I don’t want you seeing me cry,” to my long-lost/four-houses-down love interest felt like the best possible way of expressing my feelings. Plus, I felt like a rock star—which, I can report back, is a great way to boost spirits.

    While my elementary-school boyfriend choices never lasted and I have yet to become a famous Ace of Base cover singer, I still consider music and writing to be my deepest passions. Whether I’m writing articles, sending emails to friends, or merely jotting thoughts in a journal, I feel like I’m in the flow.

    Similarly, going to concerts, listening to music, writing music, singing along to my iPod in the car, and playing musical instruments fills me with such joy that it’s hard to contain all that passion without it giving me goosebumps.

    Nobody ever told me to like music and writing. For whatever reason, it just became something that I was passionate about. Yet, I still went through many years of racking my brain for clues about what I should do “when I grow up” before I started to take seriously my interests back in the second grade.

    When I stopped trying to ignore those deep-seated passions, that same bliss from my days of writing for my classroom newspaper or singing in the driveway came right back.

    If you, likewise, are currently in a position of trying to imagine your future without much luck, try looking backward first. What were you passionate about in elementary school? What were the hobbies that you chose for yourself that nobody told you to do?

    Did you have a serious rock collection? Perhaps you’d enjoy geology. Couldn’t keep your hands out of the dirt? Maybe you’d love being a horticulturist or a farmer.

    Were you never able to walk past a dog or a cat in your neighborhood without stopping to pet them? I bet you’d thrive at being a veterinarian or an animal trainer.

    Of course, we probably all went through phases of being interested in something as kids that we have no desire to do anymore. Despite my interest in Pogs, Boondoggles, and Giga Pets circa the sixth grade, I’m not about to deplete my savings to start my very own Pog-Boondoggle-Giga Pet Emporium (though I have to admit, that does sound pretty tempting).

    Still, there may be pieces of your history that have been forgotten; if you uncovered them now, implementing them even in small ways, they may be just the ticket to bring you a renewed sense of enthusiasm or creativity.

    If you loved art more than anything else as a kid but are not in a position to leave your desk job, then maybe you could see if there are community art classes you could sign up for on the weekend, or you could create a weekly craft night with your friends.

    If animals always made your heart skip a beat but your landlord won’t allow pets, perhaps volunteering at an animal shelter would satiate that need for four-legged friendship.

    If you were the class clown growing up but feel like you aren’t laughing as much anymore, maybe you’d enjoy catching some comedians at the local comedy club. Or even doing some stand-up yourself.

    As we all continue to age and expand our ever-growing knowledge, I believe it would be smart to remind ourselves every once in a while of the innate wisdom we had as kids, when we were free to play and explore our interests without wondering what they said about us or how prestigious they seemed to others.

    There may be hidden truths about your passions buried in your childhood that needs rediscovering, and digging them out may be just the thing you need to create an exciting new path for yourself. (Or at the very least, you can remind yourself and be proud of how impressive that Pog collection was.)

    Girl meditating image via Shutterstock

  • 5 Limiting Beliefs That Sabotage Your Dreams

    5 Limiting Beliefs That Sabotage Your Dreams

    “Remember your dreams and fight for them.” ~Paulo Coelho

    You have a dream. Something that you’ve wanted for a long time. But that dream continues to elude you.

    You blame circumstances—your daily responsibilities, lack of time, finances—or perhaps your family for holding you back.

    What if none of the above is to blame for your dreams not coming true?

    What if it’s something else?

    Madison Square Garden, New York, 18,000 people 

    Four of us performing. Our band’s name—Oracle. Thousands of fans singing along with us.

    That was my dream. Our dream. And it never happened!

    In the year 2000, we recorded a demo album and sent it to a few of the biggest recording labels.

    But not a single company signed us up.

    I was nineteen, arrogant, and thought the world of our music. Not getting a contract anywhere was the last thing I had expected.

    I could have kept trying to build a career in music. But I was devastated, so I gave up. The band also dispersed, and we went our separate ways.

    I decided to forget about music for the time being, continue my education, and get a job.

    A New Dream

    After beginning to work in the corporate world, I realized that I truly enjoyed working with people. I had always been passionate about psychology, meditation, and learning more about the mind. So I started working on a new dream—to build my own training firm.

    After a long time, I finally had found a career path in something that I was truly passionate about!

    A New Journey

    Things weren’t easy when I quit my job to follow my dreams again. But this time, I was determined not to quit, no matter how much hard work or sacrifices success would entail. I am incredibly lucky to have a wife who has supported me and encouraged me every day.

    Over the years, my perseverance paid off. I am now doing well and growing.

    But here’s the funny thing…

    I now realize that if I had invested the same amount of time and effort toward music as I had done in my company, I could have become a successful musician.

    How do I know this?

    Because the fourth member of our band went on to become a professional musician. He now works in movies with some of the most eminent names in the industry.

    So why did I fail?

    Was it because I didn’t have the talent, the time, or a network of people in the music industry who could support me?

    No. I never lacked any of the above.

    I failed because of my limiting beliefs.

    Our beliefs create our reality.

    Our beliefs create our thoughts. Our thoughts determine what we do—our decisions, our everyday actions, and the way we work toward our dreams.

    Most of the time, the only things holding you back are your limiting beliefs.

    The following are five limiting beliefs that sabotage your dreams.

    Belief 1: It’s too difficult.

    How difficult does your dream seem to you? Do you feel that you don’t have the necessary talent, money, time, education, network, or other resources?

    That’s what I felt like when our demo album got rejected.

    If you feel that your dream is too difficult, just ask yourself: What small steps can I take that will take me closer to my dream?

    If you want to run a marathon, start running for five minutes every day.

    If you want to start your own business, start networking with people in that industry.

    If you want to be a world traveler, look for jobs that will allow you to travel.

    But why do dreams seem so difficult and so distant?

    Usually because of the next belief.

    Belief 2: I have to become successful quickly.

    How quickly do you want your dream to come true? Definitely sooner than ten years, right?

    In the year 2000, I was nineteen years old, and even two years seemed like a lifetime then.

    I lacked the patience to work hard consistently. On the contrary, my friend carried on—learning, singing in other bands, and consistently working toward his dreams.

    It took him thirteen years to get there after our band broke up.

    If that sounds like infinity to you, just ask yourself:

    “Would you rather get there late? Or would you rather not arrive at all?”

    Belief 3: Either I’m famous or I’m a failure.

    I can hear you asking, “Your friend might be working in the music industry, but is he a star? Has he played at Madison Square Garden? Isn’t that what the dream was?”

    No, he isn’t a rock star, but does he really need to be one?

    He’s doing excellent work in one of the most challenging industries on earth, making good money, and most importantly, having a great time.

    Maybe you have a specific dream in mind. Does it mean that you have failed if you have only achieved a fraction of that dream?

    You might never become a New York Times Best Seller or the CEO of a Fortune 500 company. Does that mean that any achievements short of those goals is a waste of your time?

    Belief 4: It’s too late for me.

    Do you feel that your time has passed?

    Maybe if you were younger, it might have been possible, but aren’t you too old now?

    I felt the same—when I was nineteen years old!

    In a world where people become stars in their teens or billionaires in their twenties, no wonder we feel that we are too late.

    I have a friend who has won three National Geographic contests and traveled to four continents, photographing polar bears in Alaska as part of his expeditions.

    He did all that after he retired.

    What’s admirable is that he never abandoned his dream of becoming a successful photographer.

    If he can live his dream, why can’t you?

    Belief 5: It’s too risky. I might fail.

    What if you don’t make it? Despite all your efforts, what if your dream remains unfulfilled?

    You might end up damaging your career, losing money, and alienating people.

    You are right; you might fail. But here’s what you must ask yourself: Are you completely happy with your life right now?

    In your twilight years, when you look back, will you regret not trying hard enough?

    But hold on. What about your responsibilities toward your family? Isn’t it selfish to pursue your dreams if you have to neglect them?

    A woman I know who has built a thriving organic food business once told me, “I had to sacrifice a lot to follow my passion. But if I didn’t pursue my own dreams, how would I have proved to my children that they can succeed at their dreams too?”

    Don’t you think that’s a risk worth taking?

    Question Your Limiting Beliefs

    I have been held back by every single one of these limiting beliefs. But I didn’t let them stop me from fulfilling my second dream of building my own firm.

    If you have a dream, you have a duty and responsibility to make it come true—not only to yourself but also to those who love you.

    Examine your thoughts and question your beliefs. Your dreams are closer than you think.

    What small steps will you take today to make your dreams come true?

  • A Simple 3-Step Process for Reaching Your Dreams

    A Simple 3-Step Process for Reaching Your Dreams

    Girl Touching Stars

    “If one advances confidently in the direction of his dreams, and endeavors to live the life he has imagined, he will meet success unexpected in common hours.” ~Henry David Thoreau 

    I had dreams—dreams I thought could never be.

    The dream of wanting to publish but never thinking I was a good enough writer; of being a painter but not even knowing how to hold a brush; of running a business without an MBA.

    Too often in my past, I put these dreams off, waiting to feel like everything was “right”—the right timing, right environment, right preparation, right education, or right ideas.

    My enthusiasm would wane, my light would dim, and I didn’t know why. It’s because something was calling me over and over, but I kept it in a box on the top shelf of my closet.

    Why was this voice caviling at me to follow a dream when it knew I had too many other priorities? When it knew I wasn’t smart enough, or rich enough, or wasting my time?

    Because my dreams knew better than me.

    They knew more than I did the feeling of passion and bliss I would get from doing what I would love.

    They had my back.

    They knew my heart and what it wanted to express.

    They knew better than I ever could about what would give me joy and happiness.

    So, I made it my mission to listen, and I accomplished each of my dreams within only a few years step-by-step. 

    Any time I felt low or depressed I came to realize there was one primary reason: I was not on purpose. Or I questioned what my purpose was. Or it seemed impossible. And on really bad days, I believed my “purpose” was a load a crap.

    Purpose is directly correlated to our dreams. The more we follow our dreams the more we are on purpose.

    I thought I had to have the dream all mapped out—how I’d do it and what would happen.

    But, finally, rather than spend my time wondering if, when, or how it might happen, I came to realize I just needed to jump in.

    And a wild world of spontaneity, surprises, and curiosity opened up.

    If I took my dreams oh-so-seriously I could feel like a failure. But when there was more room to explore like on a fun adventure, I held them with a lighter hand. It could be fun, instead.

    But sometimes, my dreams would start to feel like a “hobby” or a whim. Something I just put my attention on sporadically. I still didn’t feel fully fulfilled.

    I discovered the reason why I was not making time for my dreams on an ongoing basis was because my mind was jutting out into the future, looking only at the outcome:

    “There’s no way I can write an entire novel—it’s going to take years…” 

    “I’d love to learn to draw, but all I can do is lousy little doodles…”

    “I’ve always wanted to start up my own business, but I don’t know where to begin…”

    If we’re standing on one side of a soccer field’s goal and want to kick the ball directly into the opposing goal, it would be impossible.

    But I learned if I dribbled the ball—one dribble at a time—I could reach my dreams and have a blast with it.

    Here’s a three-step guide to get your ball rolling and reach your dreams now.

    1. Begin.

    Simply ask yourself what is the easiest first step you can take.

    For me, it could be to simply:

    • Go to a number, pick up the phone, and make one call.
    • Walk over to the painting, pick up the brush, and paint the smallest thing I can on the paper.
    • Open up my journal and write for five minutes without stopping my hand.

    Usually, our dream is so thrilled to have our attention it’s just grateful for our willingness to meet it.

    It’s like, “Hi! I’ve been waiting for you! I’m so happy to see you!”

    Even if at first it feels like drudgery—somehow if we do that one step something inside wakes up.

    We feel good about ourselves in the simple act of beginning.

    Don’t put off a dream for any other moment. It’s calling you for a reason. It knows exactly how it will serve you. It absolutely knows what you need.

    Begin without putting any pressure on yourself:

    What if it didn’t have to be good or pretty or a bestseller or make a billion bucks?

    What if I didn’t have to know anything at first and I could learn as I go?

    What if no one had to know about it for now, and I kept it to myself?  

    Don’t worry about the outcome or the product when you begin. You can deal with that later. Just begin.

    2. Play.

    After beginning, continue with the essence of play. Do it it just because you dig it. For the sheer joy of doing it. ‘Cause it turns you on. It gives you juice.

    Play like a child again: Get your hands dirty, be messy, screw up—without having to know what you’re doing, how you’re doing it, or where it will it end.

    What if there’s nothing to lose? 

    What if it didn’t have to make sense?

    What if you could take risks?

    Have fun with it just like a kid.

    3. Repeat.

    After playing, return to step one and begin again.

    This is the most important step: It’s all about having permission to keep being a beginner. Over time, as you carry on you will become an expert.

    And even as experts, we’re always learning something new all the time. So in actuality, we’re always beginning—always being beginners.

    So, what if you still didn’t have to have it all figured out?

    If anything could happen next?

    You could continue to connect to your dream even if it’s only for a few minutes?

    Collected five minutes will not only give you energy and inspire you, but it’s amazing how much you can accomplish.

    I keep a painting on my wall at all times. Every day or so I’ll pick up a brush and add something. Just a stroke gets me going. And over a relative short amount of time—voila! A painting is finished.

    Putting our dreams into action is what makes us feel awesome.

    Keep showing up by following these three simple steps. If you continuously meet what is calling you, your dreams will naturally unfold with wonder and awe.

    What are your dreams calling out to you? Can you listen?

    Girl touching stars image via Shutterstock

  • Imagine Living a Life You Don’t Need to Escape From

    Imagine Living a Life You Don’t Need to Escape From

    Happy Man

    “Instead of wondering when our next vacation is we should set up a life we don’t need to escape from.” ~Seth Godin

    I was a senior human resources professional at the biggest company in New Zealand. I had a great team of people, a flash company car, and got to stay at the posh hotels and dine at the nicest restaurants.

    I was paid more than I thought I’d ever earn, I had a house overlooking the beach, and got to vacation at some fantastic destinations. My life had all the hallmarks of success from the outside, but inside there was a hole in my soul.

    I didn’t know what I wanted to do when I left school (or even a decade after), but I was taught what success looked like—a high salary, job security, a fancy title, and the higher up the ladder you went, the better. But my experience didn’t really fit this model.

    I’d had a feeling for some time that the corporate world wasn’t for me.

    In the morning I struggled to put on my work shoes and dress for the office, preferring to be bare foot on the beach in my shorts.

    I hated being stuck inside. Some days I’d never get to go outside my office. It just didn’t seem like me, but it paid well and every time I got promoted people would tell me how great it was.

    Eventually I had enough of climbing the ladder, pretending to be important, checking emails at 10pm, attending back-to-back meetings, commuting in city traffic jams, and sitting for hours in front of a computer screen, my phone constantly going.

    I would sit in meetings talking about strategies and adding value while looking outside, daydreaming of where I’d rather be.

    I was exhausted, unhappy, and I kept getting sick. It wasn’t so much the stressful job that tired me; the really exhausting part was pretending to be something I wasn’t, committing to things that didn’t matter to me, and selling out on my values and purpose.

    The further I climbed, the more I earned, and the more successful people told me I was, the unhappier I became. I had a full bank account but an empty soul. I thought there must be more to life than that.

    When I told people I did not find my job fulfilling, they looked at me like I had two heads.

    “Why would you expect it to be? It pays the bills; that’s its purpose. There isn’t anymore.”

    For a moment I thought maybe I wasn’t being grateful. I was lost in the cycle of wanting more; perhaps I was looking for greener grass? There was only one way to find out, so I took the leap, quit my job, and walked away.

    Many people thought I was brave for making the decision to leave such a good job without any qualification to do anything else and no other job to go to. Many more thought I was crazy.

    But I’m not the only one. Lots of people are now choosing to put their health and quality of life before work and seeking balance. We are beginning to wake up to the fact that it’s important to live our values and spend our days doing things that matter to us.

    Of course, you don’t always have to quit your job to achieve this. There are those who are happy in their work and love what they do, and if that’s you, I salute you.

    For those yet to find that, don’t panic. Think about what you’re good at, what makes you tick, and what you enjoy the most and begin to bring those changes into your life.

    We can all feel trapped in our day jobs, whether it be for the perks, the status, the career progression, or just the need to pay the bills. These are all forms of security, and it’s one of the reasons we spend so long in jobs we can’t bear.

    There is a natural fear of the unknown, a new job, having to retrain, the need to pay the bills.

    A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step. Whether it’s updating your resume, meeting with recruitment agents, looking at home study courses, budgeting your finances, or sitting down and setting some goals, the key is to make a start.

    Taking a risk into the unknown is scary but also liberating. We are motivated and excited by change, but at the same time it can send us running back to the things we know. It’s all too easy to find excuses to put off making a change and stay where it feels safe.

    We perceive security in our pay checks and the things familiar to us, even if they don’t make us happy, but as Einstein said, “Insanity is doing the same thing and expecting different results.”

    I did this for years. Every time I was forced into a change of job I would tell people, “I might try something different this time and do something I really enjoy,” but the call of the familiar pulled me back to the corporate world (not to mention the money I needed to pay the rent and the fact that I wasn’t qualified to do anything else).

    I used to spend my days looking forward to long weekends and vacations. Now I have a life I feel I don’t need to vacate from.

    When I left the corporate world I spent my new found freedom learning to be a yoga teacher, living in Ashrams, and undertaking meditation retreats. I can now put that knowledge and my passion into what I do every day.

    I feel like I help and inspire people, although it’s not all butterflies and rainbows; I earn less, have to get up earlier, and sometimes I don’t know when or where the next job is coming from. But my work is part of my life now rather than an inconvenient interruption to it.

    It keeps me fit and healthy, I get to travel and meet like minded people, and for the first time I feel there’s a purpose and reason to what I do, and it’s a wholesome one.

    I firmly believe in the mantra “Do what you love and love what you do and you will be successful.” I always wanted a job you could turn up for in yoga pants and a hoodie and the best of all, you don’t have to wear shoes!

    Happy man image via Shutterstock

  • When Your Dream Dies and You’re Not Sure What to Do Next

    When Your Dream Dies and You’re Not Sure What to Do Next

    Woman with Guitar

    “You are never too old to set another goal or to dream a new dream.” ~C. S. Lewis

    My wake-up call came at a friend’s wedding about seven years ago. Somebody asked me what I did for a living, and I answered truthfully: I’m a singer in a rock band. She thought it was cool, but I went into a rant about why it wasn’t.

    “Creative work is definitely more perspiration than inspiration. The constant travelling and playing late night gigs is exhausting. The ‘business’ side of ‘music business’ is a joke,” I fumed.

    On and on I went. As you’d expect, she was pretty shocked. But it was her words to me that made me stop in my tracks: “Wow, so much anger!”

    What had happened to me? My dream of living off my music had come true. It was a childhood dream of mine, and I was one of the lucky few who were actually living that dream.

    Yet, I was angry and bitter. I felt like I wasn’t in control of my own life and my own decisions, because I didn’t own my time, my location, or my money. I felt like my band owned me, because the band always had to come first.

    I realized that my dream wasn’t my dream anymore. Something that once filled me with excitement and passion had become a burden. It was time to find a new dream.

    These changes are inevitable in life. You might have experienced the same when you’ve had to let go of a big and important dream.

    Maybe a relationship proved to be more painful than fulfilling and you had to scrap your big dream of starting a family.

    Or maybe starting a family suddenly made your dream job feel meaningless, and spending twelve hours a day at work felt like missing out on something far more important.

    Maybe you were a serious athlete and an injury forced you to quit your sport.

    These were things that you worked hard for, and making the decision to leave them behind can feel like cutting off the most important thing in your life. Now what?

    Finding that next thing to fill the void of the Big Dream proved to be a lot harder than I expected. I experienced grief, emptiness, and a total lack of direction. I felt I was wasting my life.

    Suddenly I had all this time in my hands that I could have used for other things, but I didn’t know what those other things were. Everything felt a bit pointless. The big picture was missing.

    The dream used to be my goalpost, something that always showed me the direction. Without the dream, I lacked motivation and the reason to do anything.

    So how do you dig yourself out of that hole? How do you find that spark again? This is what I did.

    Give yourself time.

    Give yourself enough time to let the old dream die first. Allow yourself the emotions of grief, anger, depression, and loss. It can be tempting to dismiss those feelings and jump headfirst into a new project, but process the death of the old dream first.

    Allow yourself to just be. Take walks, write a journal, spend more time with friends. Empty yourself from your old routine and just live one day at a time.

    This can be hard if you are driven and goal-oriented, but sometimes it’s good to give yourself room to clear the table. Allow yourself enough time and space so that your new dream has the space to appear.

    Try new things.

    Your new direction and purpose might be radically different to your old one. Give yourself an opportunity to explore completely new things. Mingle with different people, travel to new places, read books you would have never touched before.

    You may find a whole new world that you never had time to discover before because you were so immersed in your old dream. This is the time to give yourself a chance to experience something new.

    Don’t force yourself to the next thing. Instead, keep an open mind. What else does this wonderful world have to offer us?

    Be honest with yourself.

    Spend time in learning more about the person that you truly are. What is it that you really want in life? Have you changed as a person?

    It’s so easy to go with what other people say or make decisions based on other people’s expectations. Maybe things broke down for a very good reason. Your old dream didn’t serve the person you are now.

    Re-define the dream.

    Ask yourself brutally honest questions. What does real success look like for you? What is it that truly makes you happy?

    Maybe you want more time, not more money. Maybe you crave more freedom, not a more demanding job. When you become really clear about what is important to you in life, you will find the first clues about what your new dream will look like.

    —

    For me, it was incredibly important to let go of the old dream that didn’t serve me anymore. Feeling angry and bitter is far worse than feeling lost and empty for a while. Change is difficult, but enduring a period of pain is the path to turning things around.

    Sometimes the new dream and the new direction can be found in the most unexpected of places, but that’s what starting over is all about.

    It took me a while to find my mojo again, but once I did I felt like anything was possible again. Life changes, we change as people; it only makes sense that our dreams change too.

    I found a new balance and a new direction when I started to diversify my ideas of success. Achieving the dream shouldn’t be about sacrifice and pain. Instead, it should be about daily joy.

    What you do every day is what your life becomes about. The dream is just your idea of the future. Focusing on enjoying the every day will lead you to that next Big Dream that is right for you.

    Woman with guitar image via Shutterstock

  • Stop Living on Autopilot: 5 Ways to Live an Amazing Life

    Stop Living on Autopilot: 5 Ways to Live an Amazing Life

    “I am not a product of my circumstances. I am a product of my decisions.” ~ Stephen Covey

    I used to be a zombie.

    I don’t mean that I died and was brought back to life; I mean I used to live on autopilot. Diligently doing the right thing.

    Following one opportunity to the next, onward and upward.

    Until I found myself boxed into a cubicle, earning a six-figure income while my soul slowly died.

    I didn’t even realize it. I just thought this was what people did.

    Everyone around me was the same. They weren’t happy, but like me, they stayed because of the money and conditions. I didn’t grasp it at the time, but we were all taking the easy path. We were all bottling up our dreams, too scared to change.

    We were all selling ourselves short and living our lives on autopilot.

    Many of my previous colleagues still do. But not me.

    For years, I’d ached to do something different. I envied those who made a living by helping others. But I thought that life hadn’t chosen me, that it wasn’t my path.

    I didn’t comprehend that I was choosing my path every day. I didn’t realize that by not making a conscious choice to do something better, to be something better, I was following a path to unhappiness.

    Every day you choose how you live your life, whether you’re conscious of it or not. And choosing to live an amazing life doesn’t have to be complicated.

    Today I live more consciously. I’ve chosen a new path, and I’m working doggedly toward it.

    I’m not there yet, but my life is already more amazing. I’m living out some of my dreams while working toward others.

    I make choices that align with my values and goals, and I don’t settle for second best.

    I’ve discovered five simple ways to make life more amazing.

    1. Focus on connection, not perfection.

    You have a lot of pressure on you to be perfect.

    You try to live a perfectly healthy life, or be the perfect parent, the perfect employee, or the perfect partner.

    I used to get up at 5:30 every morning so I could exercise, meditate, tidy up, and get to work early. I pushed aside quality time with my family so I could do it all.

    All of that takes time and effort, and it doesn’t make you happier. It makes your life less enjoyable, and less amazing because it robs you of time you could have spent with the people you love.

    I now sleep in a little, and I wake up when my kids climb into bed for a cuddle.

    Life is more amazing when you focus less on perfection and more on connections. People and relationships bring us happiness and enrich our lives.

    Stop listening to the little voice of should. The one that says you should be exercising or working more when you’re already putting in a good effort.

    You need to spend time with your favorite people because time is limited, and relationships are the most important thing in the world.

     2. Live by your values.

    Do you ever feel like something is not quite right, but you can’t put your finger on what it is?

    Maybe you’ve been for a job interview, and it seems good, but something is off. Or you’ve met someone new, and they seem nice, but something isn’t right. Something you can’t articulate.

    Most of the time, that feeling is a flag that something is not in line with your values.

    If you sit down and list your core values and then list the values of the person or thing that doesn’t seem to fit, you’ll see a mismatch.

    That not quite right feeling is a signal that something needs to change. It’s a signal I didn’t listen to for a long time, and it led to problems.

    When I took my high-paying job, I did so because the organization focused on helping people, and that’s what I wanted to do, too.

    Over time, I realized that the way they helped people was not in line with my values. Writing and implementing policy did not satisfy me.

    I want to write directly to people so I can inspire and motivate them.

    I value connections with people, but the organization valued structure and governance. Had I realized this mismatch sooner, and acted on it, I would have been happier.

    Living by your values gets you into flow. Everything becomes easier from there.

     3. Let fear be your motivator.

    Some years ago, I read an article written by a senior executive retiring from a large organization.

    He wrote something like, “I’ve worked hard here for over forty years. I’ve put in long hours and sacrificed time from my friends and family. And you know what? It wasn’t worth it.”

    How sad. He’d lived his life on autopilot, and it was too late to change.

    I keep his story in mind whenever I’m tempted to take the easy option. I question my motivation.

    Am I slipping into autopilot, or is it what I want? If what I want is difficult and scary, what is the cost of not being courageous?

    Let the fear of not trying, the fear of regret, and the fear of wasting your life be your motivator.

     4. Don’t believe in signs.

    Do you ever ask yourself if something is a sign from the universe?

    Here is the cold hard truth about signs from the universe: They don’t exist. The universe doesn’t send you signs.

    When someone thinks there’s a sign that supports or discourages a certain path, it’s just meaning that they’ve added to a situation or event.

    And you only wonder if it’s a sign when you’re already in self-doubt.

    If you go to the grocery store to buy chicken for dinner, and they’re out of chicken, you don’t wonder if it’s a sign from the universe that you should give up eating.

    You just change your plans and make something else for dinner. You stick with your goals and keep going.

    If Edison had listened to signs, he would have given up years before, and we’d all be sitting here in the dark.

    His teachers said he was “too stupid to learn anything.” He was fired from his first two jobs because of his lack of productivity.

    His first 1,000 attempts at inventing the light bulb failed. One thousand!

    His interpretation of the situation? The light bulb was an invention with 1,000 steps.

    Keep working toward your dreams. Even if they take 1,000 steps.

     5. Keep visiting the dream room.

    Walt Disney used to have a series of rooms to help him and his team brainstorm their best ideas.

    The first one was the Dream Room, where all ideas were possible, and no evaluation took place. Pure fantasy was encouraged, no matter how fantastic or absurd.

    The second room was the Realist Room, where Walt and his team planned how to put the ideas into place.

    Lastly, there was the Critic Room. This is where they’d look for problems and openly criticize. They’d think of what could go wrong, how they could prevent problems, and what the project might cost.

    Walt’s system encouraged people to dream, but also to plan so they could achieve their wildest fantasy.

    Can I be painfully honest with you? The I’m-shocked-anyone-would-say-that kind of honesty. The brutal truth. No holds barred (brace yourself).

    Your problem is that you’re stuck in the Critic Room.

    You get the flicker of a good idea, but before you can flesh it out and establish how it might work, you’ve shot it down in flames. It’s too hard, or too expensive, or too difficult. Or just too scary.

    You jump straight into criticizing things you haven’t had the opportunity to plan. So you don’t dare to dream.

    You feel the fear before you’ve started entertaining the reality of what might be.

    You let all the criticisms you’ve ever heard in your life gang up on you and whisper, “You’re not good enough,” in your ear.

    Here’s The Real Truth

    The truth is that you’re just as good as anyone else.

    You’re just as good as anyone who is living the dream life you wish was yours.

    The only difference is determination. Because having an amazing life starts with dreaming up the life you want.

    But that’s only the beginning. People who create an amazing life work to achieve it.

    You can’t just sit around waiting for your dreams to happen. You must strive toward them. You must have determination.

    So the real truth is that you have a choice.

    You can choose to live an amazing life. Or you can choose to be a zombie, take the easy path, and sit there on autopilot. Which one will you choose?

  • What You Think You Want Might Not Be What You Need

    What You Think You Want Might Not Be What You Need

    Woman Daydreaming

    “The more you love your decisions, the less you need others to love them.” ~Unknown

    I got on that twelve-hour flight thinking I was ready. Yet during the travel from my house to the airport to Belgium, my feelings were suspiciously neutral.

    I neither hated where I was nor felt strong emotional attachment. Less than two weeks later, those emotions came out, full force. Ten days into graduate school in Belgium, I realized that this wasn’t what I wanted.

    Everyone told me to stay, to tough it out. I didn’t realize then that their advice was for them—that my peers wanted to stay in school, and my friends wanted to have a life in some exotic land like Europe.

    That’s when I realized that everyone comes from a different place—everyone has different values and desires—and their opinions should not dictate how we feel about our choices.

    When I decided to quit school, everyone was against it. One peer clutched my arm tightly, as if I’d just told her that today was the end of the world. Some even got angry.

    At first I was affected by the overflow of emotions, until I realized that what I did had no permanent effect on their lives, regardless of how they reacted.

    Wants vs. Needs

    I was an overstrung, high achiever in both high school and college. I played by the rules and did what I was told. And I was addicted to status.

    Advisors and teachers told me that I should apply for the Fulbright scholarship, that I should join Peacecorps—it’d be wonderful, it’d be life-changing. I did what others deemed best for me, and it made me reliant on them and ignorant of my own instincts and desires.

    After graduating from college I needed a rest from it all, but used to going full-steam ahead, I kept pushing. I hoped I could start graduate school in Germany or France, leaving myself only a two-month break after years of schooling.

    But every school I applied to rejected me. Though I cried after received those long-awaited letters, I now realize this was a blessing in disguise.

    That year, I went “nowhere.” I felt unhappy, stuck, and lost. But I kept applying, hoping for an adventure for the following year.

    During that time, I decided to distract myself. I wrote more. I exercised more. I tried to laugh a little bit more. I fell in love with krav maga and found a community of people who I rejoiced in seeing almost every day.

    Then I was accepted into a masters program in Belgium for the following year.

    Life was going to be okay because I finally got what I wanted; I was going to Belgium in six months!

    During the countdown, though, as I trained more and had more time to myself, I began wavering.

    Gone were the moments of nervousness, fear, and apprehension that were so constant post-graduation. I found myself living in the moment more often. My skin was clearing up I was shedding stress-induced weight; I was going out more. I stopped dreaming about being away.

    After a particularly grueling session in class, my krav maga instructor came over to me with a smile and said, “Once you’ve traveled the world and seen everything you want, come back here, where you belong.”

    I laughed at first and said, “Sure,” thinking in my head that I’d probably be gone forever.

    Guess who was right in the end?

    Fear vs. Lack of Desire

    People always told me to “try it,” and “just do it,” and that seemed like a good life motto. Never let fear hold you back. But what I was experiencing before leaving for Belgium wasn’t fear; it was a lack of desire.

    My first time studying abroad in Taiwan was nerve wracking but brimming with anticipation. I cried over late documents and panicked over lost plane tickets, but no matter what, the final destination was Taiwan.

    I broke off a long-term relationship, I studied hard into the night, but I knew that it was well worth it.

    The night before I left, I began wondering if I was doing the right thing, if I could leave home for the first time for a whole year. That thought passed as quickly as it had appeared. I departed, and am glad I did, because I knew that it was the right thing for me to do. How did I know? I felt passionate.

    Fast-forward three years later: going to Belgium wasn’t what I wanted. I just couldn’t admit that. I didn’t print my plane ticket until twelve hours before my flight. I didn’t pack until a day before I left. I just didn’t care to go to Belgium anymore.

    Apathy is said to be worse than love or hate. I was entirely apathetic about my “next adventure.”

    I’ve learned that fear is different than a lack of desire, and even if we don’t listen to our instincts right away, we can always tune in and honor what we hear. Accept what happened, accept that your desires have changed, and listen more closely to what you really want and need.

    Our instincts not only keep us safe but can help guide us through life.

    Woman daydreaming image via Shutterstock

  • 4 Questions to Ask Yourself to Create a Truly Rich and Meaningful Life

    4 Questions to Ask Yourself to Create a Truly Rich and Meaningful Life

    “Don’t miss all the beautiful colors of the rainbow looking for that pot of gold.” ~Unknown

    It’s frustrating, isn’t it?

    Stumbling through life without a clear sense of direction. Wondering day after day if it’s ever going to get better.

    After all, perpetual joy and a meaningful life are only for the rich and famous. The idea of fulfilment seems so far-fetched given the mundaneness of an ordinary day.

    But you know that anything is possible, right?

    Could it be that with a little thought, the day will come when you’ll enjoy the colors of the rainbow, regardless of whether you’ve reached your pot of gold or not?

    In Search of Material Riches

    I come from an underprivileged background. Growing up, the only thing I could think of that would make me happy was to be rich. While I frequently heard the saying, “Money doesn’t make you happy,” I dismissed its true message because I believed I needed stuff to live comfortably.

    So I spent most of my life chasing this fantasy, never actually getting to a point of contentment. In my adulthood, I was no longer destitute, but I was still after that illusion.

    Then, a few years ago I had a classic case of burnout and exhaustion. I didn’t know where I was going any longer, life tasted bland, and the future seemed pointless. All I could do was think about the woman I knew I was deep down, the woman full of hopes and aspirations to make a difference.

    I was desperate to change my situation.

    So the quest truly began. To repair my broken self, I indulged in self-help books, visited the professionals, and overlaid positive mantras in my brain in the hopes of waking up one morning as a new person.

    But a gaping black hole was still in my soul, waiting to be filled with something more meaningful.

    Getting Struck by Lightning

    After months of searching for the Holy Grail, someone planted an idea in me: “There’s no ‘light-bulb moment.’ The answers are already in front of you, if you choose to see them.”

    I was skeptical at first upon hearing this. “You mean I won’t be hit by this electrifying lightning bolt, changing my life forever?”

    On reflection, this was the enlightening idea that allowed me to move forward.

    I realized that all along I was looking in the wrong direction. I never really stopped to think about what was important to me and how I could use these insights to live a more fulfilling life where every day mattered.

    The truth is, we spend so much time following false riches and focusing on hollow goals that we often lose touch with what is right in front of us.

    However, there is a way to edge closer to your truth: to live a truly rich and meaningful life, you need to unearth your deepest values and desires.

    And to do that, I discovered that by asking the right questions, you can see through the mist casting shadows on your thinking and clarity.

    Questions are effective because they jolt your brain into a different level of reflection, digging to the root of your values (unlike wondering why you’re blocked, which only confirms you are indeed in a lost place).

    So, with the help of the following four questions, I began to uncover the hidden treasures that I neglected for so long in all areas of my life.

    I invite you to ask yourself these questions too, and note the immediate answers that surface.

     1. What kind of qualities does your superhero self have when relating to others?

    Imagine your internal fears magically disappear; how would you behave differently with others?

    This question clarifies the sorts of relationships you want to be forming with others. It’s not about how you’d like to be treated, but rather the way your ideal self would behave when connecting with others.

    Also think about what your superhero does when pushed to the limit. Does he or she stand by and let others dominate, or have the courage to say, “No, I’m not having this”?

    When I asked myself this question, integrity, self-respect, and honesty featured on top of my list of important qualities to have. Since then, I’ve successfully confronted people when I’ve found their behavior unacceptable toward me instead of keeping my sorrows inside.

    Remember, often you can’t run away from people you don’t like, but you can choose to respond to them differently, either by interpreting situations in an empowering way internally or by saying your peace out loud.

    2. What type of activities could you channel your energies toward that would satisfy you deep down?

    Imagine you’re receiving an award for your life’s work. How would they describe your achievements when you’re called to make your acceptance speech?

    This exercise is not meant to find your passion or your calling. It’s designed to shed light on the values that are dear to you, and it can be used in any workplace to inject enthusiasm into whatever you do.

    When I connected with my deeper values of being helpful, considerate, and compassionate, it was a game changer. I used these rediscovered qualities to give my full attention to those who needed it instead of focusing on trying to fit in a work environment that didn’t suit my personality.

    You may not be doing what you’d ideally like to right now, but you can turn even a stop gap activity into a source of valuable life enhancing experience.

    3. What do you spend too much time worrying about?

    Imagine you’re looking back on your life as an elderly person. What advice would your older self give to your younger self?

    None of us like to imagine ourselves as a bitter eighty-year-old full of regret. Every time I ask this question to myself, worries suddenly reorder themselves, and solutions appear instead of endless anxiety.

    This question particularly clarified for me that I needed to focus on being more open, trusting, and mindful. I’ve become more open to experiences I was afraid of before and more trusting of myself, the future, and others. I also purposefully slowed down and become mindful of the world around me, seeing the beauty in the everyday things I would have walked past before.

    Life’s daily trials can seem so insurmountable at times; petty incidents seem enough to want to tear your hair out. But do they really matter in the grand scheme of things? Will it matter even a few months on if someone talked to you the wrong way?

    4. What do you not do enough of?

    Imagine you have all the time in the world. What would your quiet times look like?

    When it comes to winding down, do you give yourself the opportunity to fully restore your energy? Or do you habitually squeeze an extra three to four hours of each day just to keep up with life’s demands?

    Chasing material things and endlessly going after bold goals can spell trouble ahead. Forgetting to pamper yourself now and then not only lets your health down, but also negatively affects your relationships.

    My new priorities that emerged were creativity, family, and health. I used to long for the day when I’d retire and could immerse myself in painting and drawing. But I discovered how I can add creative imagination to daily life when working on my planner or cooking a meal for instance.

    If this all sounds too alien, or wrong, maybe you have to start by accepting that you and your sanity matter as much as the next person’s. If you really care about living a meaningful life, doing more of what makes you happy will be just the magic pill you need.

    Living by Your Highest Standards

    You know life is only worth living if it’s meaningful.

    Waking up each morning with excitement does not have to be at the bottom of your priorities.

    Clarifying your deepest values and desires will help you make decisions (small or large) and see alternative options.

    You’ll have the power to take a stand when others are crossing your boundaries or asking for too much.

    You’ll realize you don’t need money to fulfill your dreams; you can travel on a budget, help your parents without spending a dime, and do work you enjoy rather than work that merely pays well.

    Finally, once you shift the focus and give yourself permission to live by your values, it’ll be such a motivating element that you’ll never again ask, “What’s the point of it all?”

  • Changing Your Trajectory to Live a Life of Purpose

    Changing Your Trajectory to Live a Life of Purpose

    Live on Purpose

    “It takes courage to grow up and become who you really are.” ~E.E. Cummings

    For a long time, I felt disconnected from my life. I’d spent most of it on autopilot, either regretting the past or dreaming about the future.

    I regretted being too afraid to read an essay at the monthly open mic near me for all those years. I thought a lot about writing without actually writing.

    I dreamed about a future me, totally transformed with much better hair, eagerly writing at a sunny cafe, the words flowing through my fingers easily, flawlessly.

    My approach to finding purpose in my career has been to pause, pay attention, and appreciate the journey. It’s subtle, like changing the trajectory of a rocket—a small adjustment or a few shifts make an enormous difference in the end result.

    Pause.

    My dad used to urge me to find my “calling” and offer my gifts to the world. This always intimidated me. What was my calling?

    To answer such a question, you have to relax and give yourself space, even if it’s just a breath. Before you decide to drop everything and make a drastic career move, pause.

    Take time to explore what makes you tick. What activities motivate you and give you moments of flow? What tasks drain you? Cut through the layers of caked on assumptions like: “I can’t consider taking a pay cut” or “A lateral move means I have failed.” Start your journey by stopping and letting go.

    For me, I’ve always both known I loved writing and that I would obviously never be qualified enough to do it professionally.

    I have been journaling since kindergarten, writing for as long as I’ve been able to. I have simultaneously been telling myself that under no circumstances should I dare to think of being an actual writer. I’m not smart enough or well-read enough or disciplined enough to make such a claim. A nice side trick, sure, but not something I could ever pursue professionally.

    Pay attention.

    Once the dust settles, you can start building self-awareness. It’s hard to find our purpose because we don’t really know ourselves. We don’t know what we genuinely like to do or why we do what we do. We never question what influences us.

    We end up in a career because our parents approved of it, because we thought it would be safe or because it was easy enough.

    There are many ways to develop self-awareness. Along with meditation, I recommend checking out a variety of online tools, including Imperative’s Purpose Pattern. Also, consider taking a look at StrengthsFinder, The Artist’s Way, The Enneagram Institute or Myers Briggs.

    If you are immediately turned off at the thought of self-reflection exercises, just notice that and be curious about it. Resistance is a powerful teacher when we pay attention.

    For me, I just started to notice that little naysayer voice. At first, I just heard it louder and louder. You are so not a writer. Nope, not a writer. Don’t even think that you ever could be.

    Eventually, I noticed how repetitive and boring it was. You are so not a writer. Nope, not a writer. Ugh—you again?! Don’t believe everything that you think.

    My friend sent me a job description for a “Communications Specialist.” I immediately laughed at her email. “I’m not qualified for that!” You are so not a writer. Nope, not a writer.

    A few hours later, after recognizing this stale voice as the same one that had been annoying me for years, I applied anyway

    Appreciate the journey.

    Humans are much bigger than cubicle walls and far more expansive than the margins of resumes.

    School, unfortunately, tends to instill a “ladder climbing” mentality—get good grades to get a good GPA to get a good job.

    What were you taught a “successful” career looks like? High pay? Stability? Title? If we are constantly focused on getting enough points to get to the next level, we will miss out on everything.

    I knew early on I wanted to work in the nonprofit sector as, what I assumed would be, a clear path to “make a difference” and “do good.” Of course, I immediately realized how fraught all those rosy intentions were, and how messy this business of “making things better” is.

    Like me, you may still get trapped worrying about if you’re “making a difference” in an appropriately prestigious enough way. You may still get trapped longing for stability and a sense that you are important in some way.

    Some research shows people are happier when they are present with their current experience, no matter what it is.

    Appreciate the mental grappling you’re doing, appreciate the uncertainty you feel, appreciate the questions you have. It all means you are alive and growing! Try to have compassion for those grappling with these questions too. He or she may be sitting in the cubicle next door.

    For my dad, it was always critical that I figure out what gifts I had to offer the world and offer them. Your gifts do not belong to you; you have to share them with the world.

    What he didn’t tell me is how much vulnerability and courage you need to actually do this. First, to acknowledge that yes, you have something unique to offer! (Terribly inconvenient.) Second, to actually offer it for people to accept or reject. (Terrifying.)

    While this idea of sharing my gifts was terrifying, it has also become the central theme of my career. I’ve now worked at several nonprofits helping people do just this by volunteering their talents to give back. And what an incredible way to give back!

    To me, volunteerism is one of the most underestimated resources we have. It seems quaint and suspiciously simple when, in fact, it’s revolutionary. Generosity sets things in motion. It creates a path where one wasn’t possible before. Unlike money, it doesn’t get used up—it renews itself. Magic. I guess this was what my dad was trying to tell me all along.

    Finding your purpose is most likely not going to be a “lightning strikes” moment. My experience has been much more nuanced, not linear and more red-ruby-slipper-like.

    Deep down, you already know what drives you; you just need to let it surface. (Hint: it might be the thing you are avoiding or too afraid to consider.) Nevertheless, the answer is waiting for you. Are you ready to find it?

    Live on purpose image via Shutterstock

  • 6 Ways to Cope with a Miserable Job

    6 Ways to Cope with a Miserable Job

    “Instead of complaining that the rose bush is full of thorns, be happy that the thorn bush has roses.” ~Proverb

    If you’re feeling miserable in your current job or career, wondering when you’ll be able to do something that makes your heart sing, I know exactly how you feel.

    I spent nearly a decade of my life working in jobs that I despised, having to dig deep every day to make it through another eight hours. All the while, my soul felt like it was dying inside.

    I remember writing one-page memos and having to wait a month while they worked their way through the bureaucracy. Every manager would return the memos, requesting a small, pointless change. By the time the memos were released, I barely recognized the words as my own.

    I knew that I had to get out, that I had to find something more meaningful, something where I could actually make a difference. But getting out of these jobs was hard. Really hard.

    One time, three years into a job, I knew that I needed to make a change. But it took me another three years to save up the money and find the courage to actually walk away. Meanwhile, I struggled to make it through the daily grind.

    Perhaps you’re in a similar situation and wondering how you can continue going to a job you hate, day after day after day, not knowing when or if you’ll be able do something more meaningful.

    I don’t want you to go through what I went through. So here are my suggestions for how to cope when you’re stuck in a career or job and find yourself feeling miserable.

    1. Figure out why you’re miserable and change what you can.

    People can feel miserable for all sorts of reasons. One of the first things you can do is to reflect on why you personally feel miserable in your current situation.

    Perhaps you don’t feel challenged enough in your current position. Or maybe you find the job too stressful. Or perhaps your current work team isn’t a good fit for your personality.

    Rather than accepting your current situation “as-is,” be proactive and work toward improving it. Can you ask your boss for more challenging projects? Can you be transferred to a different team?

    2. Change the stories you tell yourself about your career.

    Most jobs or careers aren’t inherently miserable. We often feel miserable because of the stories we tell ourselves. Your stories about your job are a creation of your mind and are neither true nor false. They’re simply stories.

    Misery is created when we create and cling to stories such as “I can’t stand this,” “This is awful,” or “I should be doing something else with my life.”

    If you want to feel less miserable in your current situation, then change your stories to something neutral or even positive. For example, you could tell yourself “This isn’t really that bad” or “I will continue working toward a meaningful career. What I’m doing right now is only temporary.”

    Those stories are equally as “true” as the negative stories that you’re currently telling yourself. Next time you catch yourself repeating one of your negative stories, see if you can replace it with a more positive story.

    3. Shift your perspective—it’s not as bad as you think.

    Throughout the world, there are millions and millions of people who would be confused if you told them that you were miserable in your current job. They’re making a lot less money, while working longer hours, and often in far worse conditions. They’d change positions with you in a heartbeat.

    When you’re feeling miserable in your job or your career, try thinking about these people and remembering that your situation may not be as bad as you think. Things may be far from ideal, but they could also be much, more worse.

    4. Build meaning however you can.

    While it may be easier for you to create meaning in some careers than others, you can always create meaning right where you are. Find the one or two things that you like about you current job situation and focus your time and energy on those.

    For example, I’ve worked in many government jobs that I found boring and repetitive. But I always had co-workers that I enjoyed talking to and spending time with. Those relationships were what provided me with meaning and helped me cope with the day to day drudgery.

    5. Connect your job to other values.

    If you can’t find anything meaningful about your current job, then try connecting your job to other values.

    For example, if you value providing financial support to your family, then focus on how your current job allows you to fill that value. Put up photos wherever you can of your family and periodically look at those photos and remind yourself how important it is for you to support them.

    Or perhaps your job provides you with ample time off to pursue other activities that you value. Again, focus on how lucky you are to have a job that provides you with that opportunity.

    6. Focus on other parts of your life.

    Finally, if nothing else works, you can always focus your energy on other parts of your life. Simply accept that it will take time to move to a more meaningful career. And that for now, your work won’t be a primary source of meaning in your life.

    And then put your focus and energy into creating meaning in other parts of your life.

    Build the best, most meaningful relationships that you can. Explore all sorts of different hobbies or explore one hobby in-depth. Get involved in volunteer activities that provide you with a sense of meaning.

    There’s absolutely nothing wrong with wanting to change careers in order to do something that you personally find meaningful. I’ve done it several times myself. But making a career change can take time.

    There’s no reason for you to be miserable where you are right now, always waiting for a better future to arrive. Try using some of the suggestions above and see if you can improve your current situation while also taking steps toward a more meaningful, future career.

  • The Value of Following Your Dreams When They Don’t Make Money

    The Value of Following Your Dreams When They Don’t Make Money

    Child Pilot

    “The real measure of your wealth is how much you’d be worth if you lost all your money.” ~Unknown

    Five years ago, in a move I wasn’t sure was so brilliant at the time, I quit my career at a rapidly growing ASX-listed financial services organization, packed up my life, and flew to Thailand to pursue my love of scuba diving.

    I thought I was just going for twelve months, that I’d get it out of my system then return to Melbourne and settle down—get a job in the not-for-profit industry, buy a house, maybe get married and have kids, save for my retirement…the usual rite of passage. My unleashed spirit had different ideas.

    When you answer the call to adventure, you never know where you will end up.

    I fell in love with an Italian man, completed my Scuba Diving Instructor course, and spent the next few years splitting my time between Australia and Thailand.

    When our relationship ended, I returned to Melbourne “to be sensible,” to try and put down some roots and figure out, once and for all, what I was meant to do with my life.

    I returned to work with my former employer, but fifteen months later, when I was still trying to figure things out, the universe gave me a divine kick up the bum; I was suddenly and unexpectedly made redundant.

    Instead of finding another job, again I answered the call to adventure. Ten weeks later I was in Canterbury, England following the 2,000-kilometer Via Francigena pilgrimage route to Rome, living a dream.

    When I returned to Melbourne to integrate all that I had learned on my pilgrimage, my bank account had dropped way below my comfort level and the job market was really slow; employers didn’t seem to appreciate my unconventional life that appeared as (well-explained) gaps in my CV.

    Living in suburbia, I started to compare my life to my friends who were getting married, having kids, and buying houses. I looked at my dwindling bank account balance, ten-year-old car, and unpacked bags of clothes—the sum total of my life. I began to panic.

    From my economic studies, I know the opportunity cost of walking away from my career five years ago to follow my heart into adventure is close to a million.

    As a financial planning professional, I know that the longer you delay buying a house, the more you have to pay and the less achievable it becomes. And the longer you delay saving for retirement, the more you have to save or the longer you need to work.

    These are the realities of living in our modern world, where money is the common form of value exchange and it costs to live—to put shelter over your head, food in your belly, and clothes on your back.

    Acutely aware of this, I promised myself I would never ruin myself financially by living unconventionally. I feared that was exactly what I had done.

    As I walked those 2,000 kilometers alone, I discovered the quiet voice of wisdom that speaks up when I ask it for guidance, or it decides there is something I need to hear. In that moment of panic, it told me this:

    “Your net worth is not your life’s worth—don’t confuse the two.”

    Your net worth is not your life’s worth. There was instant relief in those words.

    My choices may have “cost” me a million, and my net worth may be a small fraction of that, but the real value of my experiences over the last five years transcends physical currency. The sights I have seen. The blessings I have received. The moments I have witnessed.

    Diving in the ocean with sharks and manta rays, watching a volcano erupt, crossing the Alps and the Apennines alone on foot, dancing ecstatically in the rain at a dance party in India, caring for street dogs and orphans, muddling through French and Italian conversations with locals, and watching the sun die a vibrant death hundreds of times.

    These experiences have transformed me and, because I am changed, affect the lives of those whose paths I cross like ripples on a pond.

    In a world that requires us to earn money, the popular pursuit of purpose these days is by offering your skills, talents, and abilities to earn money doing what you love—that is, to create a business outside of the traditional corporate environment and make that your purpose.

    But what if your dreams are not the type that will earn you money? And what if following your dreams requires that you walk away from a high-paying career, or that you spend your savings or forego buying a house so that you can live your dream?

    Often misconceived as selfishness, honoring and doing what transforms our inner selves is a way of being of service too; everyone who comes into contact with your ripples will benefit from that change, directly or indirectly, known or unknown.

    In this way, the return on investment from following your dreams is infinite, larger than you can ever quantify or know while you are in human form.

    But what about the cost of not following your dreams?

    How will you feel at the end of your life if you don’t give your dream a go? How will you feel living in a big ole house with plenty of cash in your bank account and very healthy retirement savings, but with your neglected dreams fading away in the corner?

    I know that one day, when I am old and dying, I won’t regret the things I never had, but I will regret the moments I didn’t seize and the adventures and growth I never experienced.

    I know that every time I have followed my heart and answered the call to adventure, even when I wasn’t sure where the money was going to come from or how it was all going to turn out, life has shown me that it will support me. It will support you, too.

    Although it might never be reflected in your net assets, follow your heart and your dreams, focus on growing your life’s worth, not just your net worth, and no matter where your life takes you or what your external wealth looks like, you will be truly en-riched.

    Child pilot image via Shutterstock

  • Finding a Job You Love: 5 Things You Need to Do

    Finding a Job You Love: 5 Things You Need to Do

    “Choose a job you love, and you will never have to work a day in your life.” ~Confucius

    I once worked for a big international consultancy firm (okay, it’s McKinsey, don’t tell anyone) and hated it.

    Everyone told me how lucky I was to have that job. They went on and on about how prestigious it was, how I got to travel the world, work with executives on the big topics, and hang out with brilliant colleagues.

    As much as all of that is true, I still hated the job. Not because of McKinsey, but because of me.

    It might be a dream job for a lot of people, but it surely wasn’t for me. It was a nightmare, and in the end I couldn’t sleep anymore (at which point a nightmare in the literal meaning of the word started to seem very attractive to me).

    Have you ever gone without sleep for days? If you have, then you know that it’s not sustainable for very long. After four days I was a zombie, and a miserable one at that.

    I was on the verge of a breakdown, and I knew that something needed to change. In hindsight, it was so obvious what that “something” was—but back then, twelve years ago, I had totally lost my way.

    Fortunately, I finally gathered up enough courage (or desperation) to pick up the phone and call my HR manager. I quit, and then I went to bed and slept like a baby for twenty hours straight.

    Two months later I had landed a job that I genuinely could love, and two years later I was running my own company.

    Since then my co-founders and I have grown our company to 200 employees, with offices in London, Berlin, and Copenhagen. More importantly, I am able to have fun, learn at a fast pace, and maintain a great work/life balance even from day one.

    From these two contrasting experiences I have learned five lessons that I use to keep myself on the right track, and that might be useful for you too:

    1. Don’t settle.

    It’s so easy to fall victim to the idea that we should be grateful just to have a job, especially in times where the economy is bad. As much as I am a fan of gratitude, if your job is not making you happy then it’s not the right thing for you to be spending 50% or more of your waking hours doing. Period.

    Of course, we can all have moments of doubt and bad days—congratulations for being human! But if you dread going to work more often than not, then it’s time to connect to your inner strength and creativity to move on to a new mission.

    2. Be courageous.

    I recently came across a happiness study that showed a positive correlation between courage and happiness.

    At first that seemed a bit odd to me. But then I understood: brave people get more out of their lives because they dare to break out, let go of their past, and embrace the unknown. They grow more, learn more, and live more intensely. Thus, they are happier.

    Since this realization, every time I get fearful, I ask myself, is this a happiness enhancer in disguise?

    Of course, sometimes courage comes in the form of non-action. Staying where you are even if it is difficult is also courageous. Only you can distinguish the difference between growing and fleeing.

    Statistically, most of us are biased toward the non-action end of the spectrum, so it makes sense to contemplate if we are staying put (in a job, in a relationship, in a city) because we are brave or because we are afraid.

    3. Follow the “One-Year Rule.”

    Let’s say that you have realized that you need to move on in your life, and that you are courageous enough to act on it. Good for you! However, sometimes you will find that you are actually stuck.

    Maybe you really need your paycheck at the end of each month. You may even have children to provide for. What do you do then?

    The One-Year Rule goes like this: make a plan and a firm commitment to yourself that one year from now, you will have sorted out your problems and be in a much better place. With planning, creativity, and patience, most things are possible.

    4. Live your priorities.

    More than once, you have probably listened to someone go on about how their children are their number one priority, or how they value good health. Then you wondered if their actions were really in line with these beliefs. Worse yet, sometimes we have been that person.

    When we say that our daughter or son means everything to us, then that statement needs to be backed by recognizable action. This could mean picking up your child early from kindergarten and being present while you play with Legos together.

    Maybe your priorities are very different from mine, and that’s fine too. The point is that we each need to be clear on what’s important to us and then live according to that blueprint. Otherwise, we end up with regret and low self-respect.

    For me, working at McKinsey wasn’t the right thing to do because that required me to be an always-on type of guy. I needed a job where I had much more freedom—that was my priority.

    5. Don’t believe the naysayers.

    It’s amazing how many well-intended friends, family members, and colleagues are more than willing to tell us when our ideas, visions, or plans are unrealistic. They tell us that we should rather be grateful for what we have, whether it’s a job, a spouse, or something else.

    Our parents can especially be a strong source of our self-doubt; parents are inherently risk-averse on behalf of their children. That’s fine, but we, their children, shouldn’t pay too much attention to that.

    My dad thought it was the silliest thing that I wanted to write a book. “There are so many books out there already,” he said. “Shouldn’t you rather focus on your business?” I didn’t listen and I am happy about that. What advice from your friends and family should you make sure to avoid?

    Here’s a tip: the next time someone is projecting their own fears and limitations on you, imagine a huge trash bin between you—and visualize all their words slipping into that bin, before they even reach you.

    Don’t be upset with other people; they are allowed to have their own beliefs and opinions. Just remember it has nothing to do with you, even when they claim it does.

    If you follow these five simple rules, I believe that work can become much more of a gift in your life rather than an obligation.

    It certainly worked for me, and I am by no means unique (or we all are). You deserve a job you truly love—and if you haven’t found it already, it’s probably out there looking for you.

  • Releasing Labels: Be What You Love, Not What You Do

    Releasing Labels: Be What You Love, Not What You Do

    Happy and free

    “Authenticity is the daily practice of letting go of who we think we’re supposed to be and embracing who we are.” ~Brené Brown

    I thought I was supposed to have a shiny job, the kind that makes people envious at cocktail parties.

    We had moved with my husband’s job again. I think it was move number six out of nine and we were over at a friend’s house. There were people I didn’t know there, and I could feel myself avoiding them in case they asked “the question.”

    The question was “So,” (pause to look at drink), “what do you do?” My brain used to do flips when people asked this. I thought it translated into something like “Is speaking to you of any value, or are you nothing very important?”

    I spent the party around the edges of the room, feeling shy and apologetic that I didn’t have a job, a title, a label.

    I was paying a penance for my new status, which seemed to be “wife of my husband” rather than a person in my own right. I was worried that they would judge me for my lack of label and think the highlights of my day were a spot of light dusting and some mindless daytime T.V.

    “I am a teacher in a prep school” was a totally respectable, “yes, I have a pay packet and meetings on my online calendar” answer. Then the other person would usually exchange their respectable answer.

    I cried in the car on my way home from the party. The pressure of having no label made me feel that all the others were bottles of fine wine (like champagne) and I was a bargain basement vino with a lot of sediment.

    I could see that we wouldn’t really learn very much about each other. So I am now wondering what questions I could ask to, you know, actually get to know someone.

    Here goes:

    What is most fun in the world for you?

    What song sings your tune?

    Oh no, they’re already sounding like chat-up lines, aren’t they? Do we only let people really know who we are in casual flirtatious situations? Is there no place for this in the everyday?

    I need to try again to suggest a way around this so you don’t get to the end of this post thinking, “Oh no, Tiny Buddha is not about cheesy chat-up lines; it’s about eternal truth. What’s up with this writer?”

    Right, new way of getting to know people, part two, or getting to know people 2.0. Okay. So we’re at a party and I have never met you, and that’s a shame, because you read Tiny Buddha and we could talk about all sorts of Tiny Buddha stuff.

    I’m brave. I am not hiding in the corner. I am ready to meet you (best unfreaky smile). Hi, I’m Deborah. I don’t think we have met before. (Oh no, the smile was freaky after all!)

    Then we start a revolution of introduction. The new rule is: (please pass this on so everyone gets to know the rule) you say a list of things you love and that you are crazy excited about, and you let that beautiful, joyous, unapologetic list circle around your essence.

    Yes, you are right, it still won’t fully express your utter fabulousness, but it is a better start than “I am a prep school teacher/lion tamer/accountant.”

    So do your bit, share the revolution of introduction. Then you get to be what you love rather than what your HR manager/business title says you are—and you get to meet people who are a whole lot more interesting.

    Happy and free image via Shutterstock

  • How to Love Your Life at Every Age

    How to Love Your Life at Every Age

    Family Running

    “The future is completely open, and we are writing it moment to moment.” ~Pema Chodron

    When I was twenty-seven, a wave of dread swept over my life.

    As I looked to the future, all I could see was the beginning of the end. Pretty soon, it would all be downhill.

    Why the doom and gloom? I was approaching thirty!

    Like many young people in their teens and twenties, I regarded “The Big 3-0” as the end of the party.

    I would become uncool (or perhaps more accurately, even less cool than I already was). I feared turning into my parents.

    One day, I was expressing my anxiety to an older friend of mine (she was all of thirty-three).

    She put her arm around me, looked at me with one of those oh-you-poor-clueless-thing expressions, and said, “Your thirties will beat your twenties hands down! You’ll have your act together more, earn more money, but still be youthful enough to do all the things you want to do.”

    She was right, of course.

    Soon after I turned thirty, I met the partner with whom I would share my life for the next twelve years. My career took off, I bought a house, and I was able to afford some vacations. Most important, I gained some maturity and focus on my life.

    My thirties were terrific. They did, in fact, beat my twenties hands down.

    Since then, I have never dreaded the approach of a “milestone” birthday—or any birthday, for that matter. Each passing year, and each stage of life, brings its own joys and its own opportunities to grow and adapt.

    My forties brought plenty of opportunities to grow and adapt. I went through a break-up and numerous dating misadventures, my career took off in new directions, and I met my current husband. In spite of (or probably because of) all the change, adaptation, and growth, my forties were terrific.

    We’re often reminded that we should live in the present moment, and that we shouldn’t worry about tomorrow or hold on to regrets from yesterday.

    That’s great advice, but I also believe that we need to maintain a positive focus on the future.

    To me, this is not a contradiction. We can fully live in the present and plan for the future. To live only for today is to risk wandering without direction.

    Our dreams, hopes, and goals keep us growing and moving forward. We are happiest when we are on our journey to reach a destination we have envisioned and are excited about.

    I’m now fifty-seven and embarking upon a slightly early retirement. I’ve had challenges and adjustments, but that’s okay. So far, my fifties are terrific.

    I’ve decided that it’s time to retire the word “retirement.” I prefer to think of my remaining decades as my “Renaissance”—a time for redefining, rebuilding, and rebranding myself.

    You can embark upon your own personal Renaissance at any point in your life.

    Regardless of whether your horizon is your thirties, forties, fifties, or retirement, here are some steps you can take to bring more meaning and enjoyment to your life today, while setting the stage for a terrific tomorrow:

    1. Pursue things you don’t think you have time for.

    Write down the things that truly make your heart sing. Include pursuits you don’t have time for now. Think about activities from your youth that have fallen aside due to the demands of adulthood.

    You should find that one or two of these items will resonate with you more than anything else. Try to find at least one or two hours a week to devote to your passion.

    I love jazz and playing my trombone. For much of my adult life, I’ve played in a band that rehearses one night a week. Sometimes I’ve been so busy that I haven’t had time to play any more than that, but at least I played once a week.

    Now, I have time to play in more ensembles and practice as often as I like. If I had abandoned playing my trombone entirely throughout my working years, it would have been much harder for me to pick it up again. And I would have deprived myself of enjoyment for all those years.

    2. Define your legacy. What do you want to leave behind?

    What do you want to be remembered for? How do you want to make a lasting contribution to the world? It could be a book, artwork, music, a service organization you establish or contribute your time and talent toward, or perhaps the impact you have on the lives of others through coaching, mentoring, or leadership.

    Even if you an hour or two is all you can devote to your true passion today, you’ll still be making a difference, and you’ll be setting yourself up for more fulfillment in your coming years.

    3. Decide where you truly want to live, and make plans to move there.

    Where would you live if you didn’t care where your job is located? Write down the possibilities that excite you the most.

    Many people wait until they retire to move to where they truly want to live. Maybe it’s not practical to move now, especially if you like your job but not where you live. Can you shape your future to live where you belong?

    As I approached forty, I decided that I had had enough of cold winters, heavy traffic, and the high cost of living in the Washington, D.C. area, so I decided to move to Arizona.

    It was the smartest move I’ve ever made. I’m glad I didn’t wait twenty years to move to the warmth and sunshine I so enjoy now.

    4. Travel to the places you’ve always wanted to visit.

    While I try to live my life with no regrets, I wish I had traveled more in my twenties and thirties. I now know that exploring new lands and cultures is one of the richest and most memorable experiences you can have.

    In addition to beholding the breathtaking beauty of our planet, seeing how other people live will enrich your understanding of humanity and expand your worldview.

    You’ll also expand your range of possibilities for where you might like to live.

    5. Re-examine your perceptions about aging.

    When you think about reaching your next milestone birthday, what sort of feelings does that trigger?

    If I could write a letter to my twenty-seven-year-old self, I would tell him that worrying about how miserable my life would be after I turned thirty only served to make me unhappy when I was twenty-seven.

    If my friend hadn’t shared her wisdom and changed my view, my thirties probably would have been miserable—because that’s what I would have expected.

    Replace your anxieties about getting older with an appreciation for all the possibilities you can create.

    —

    Is it time for you to embark upon your Renaissance?

    That may mean making that career change you’ve been contemplating. It may mean eliminating unfulfilling activities to free up time to truly follow your passion. Maybe it means moving to that place you know you belong.

    Whatever your Renaissance looks like, defining it and making it happen won’t occur overnight. It’s a process that will unfold over time.

    Envisioning a brighter future and embarking upon the journey to make that happen will bring focus and happiness to your life today.

    Running family image via Shutterstock

  • How to Realize Your Dream When You’ve Gotten Off Track

    How to Realize Your Dream When You’ve Gotten Off Track

    Dreamer

    “Come, even if you have broken your vow one thousand times, come, yet again, come, come.” ~Rumi

    I read these words on a plaque in the middle of climbing a small mountain, in the middle of northern Spain, in the middle of a hot summer, at the end of my thirty-third year.

    My eyes filled with tears and even as I brushed them away, adjusted my pack, and continued climbing up the mountain, the words echoed in my mind

    I was walking the Camino de Santiago, a 500-mile pilgrimage route that runs across the north of Spain. I’d started my walk three weeks ago in St Jean Pied de Port, a small French village in the Pyrenees.

    That first day I climbed through the mountains and crossed into Spain, and from there I walked through all kinds of terrain: rolling hills, wide open spaces, tracks through forests, rocky paths winding through vineyards.

    The total route would take me thirty-one days and my final destination was Santiago de Compostela, a city in the northwest corner of Spain, where legend has it that the remains of St James the Apostle were buried in a crypt beneath the cathedral.

    People had been making this pilgrimage for centuries, and now I was one more of the hundreds of thousands—millions—to make the journey.

    I’d chosen to walk this pilgrimage for so many reasons, reasons that I couldn’t even fully understand. On my first night in France, before even stepping foot on the Camino, a Frenchman asked me why I was walking. It was a question that would come up again and again, but that first night, after hearing his question, I froze.

    How do I answer this at all, much less in French?

    My first steps out of France were shaky: I was scared and clueless, having no idea what I was getting myself into. But quickly those steps grew confident. I faced challenges: steep hills, a spider bite on my leg, walking fifteen miles without coffee, losing my guidebook.

    But I walked through those challenges, and in doing that, I found joy. I found friendship and connection and fun. But always, as I walked, my mind was searching for answers.

    What was the purpose of this walk? What was I looking for? Where was I going with my life? What is my direction?

    Big stuff.

    My life before the Camino was, for all intents and purposes, fine. I’d had my share of struggles, particularly with love, but I was doing okay. I had a good job, a supportive family, close friends, a home I adored.

    It all looked okay, the picture of my life, but it wasn’t enough. It never quite felt like enough.

    Here was my pattern: I’d vow to change my life and go after my dreams. Vow to take a writing class or buy a camera lens. Vow to quit my job and travel or start my own business or write a book.

    Vow and vow and then five years would go by and I’d take stock of where I was. I’d submitted a few essays but never wrote a book, I’d traveled a bit but I never quit my job.

    I’d reach a little and then I’d pull back. Because I was scared, and because I might fail.

    I broke my vow one thousand times.

    How do I start again after breaking my vow? How do I find my direction?

    My answer, it turns out, was simply this: take a step. I found direction by starting to move.

    I still don’t fully know where I’m going, but, amid dozens of other lessons from my Camino, I learned two very important things.

    The first is that it’s okay to break my vow, or to change my direction, because I can always come back. And the second is to make a decision and to start.

    I was terrified as I took my first steps on the Camino, but once I was on the way I just kept going. One step at a time and before I knew it, I’d just walked across a country.

    If I can do that, I can write a book. I can run a marathon, and I can travel the world. It’s scary and it takes works—oh boy, does it take work—but I can do it.

    Here are four key things that helped me in climbing that first mountain and finding direction:

    1. Start with a single step.

    It seems obvious, and we hear it time and time again, but it is the most valuable piece of advice that I could give.

    Nothing, and I mean nothing, starts without a first step. But I also learned this: if you fail, if you start and then stop, if you break your vow, it’s okay. Just come back. Start again. But always remember to start.

    And your first step does not have to be big. In fact, it’s probably better if it’s a small step, because then the next step won’t be so daunting. If you start with small steps, it’s easier to keep going.

    My first steps (before I even set foot on the Camino) were small: a short blog post that I didn’t share with anyone, joining the Y, and walking a few times around the track. These weren’t big steps, but they were something.

    2. String those steps together.

    After your first step, take another. And then another. Just keep moving.

    Often when we start moving and stringing steps together, we gain momentum. The ball gets rolling and we get caught up in that motion, and then we’re in it. It feels easier to keep moving.

    But what if something derails us and we hit a wall? What if we get stuck? What if we have trouble starting back up?

    3. Enlist your cheerleaders.

    It’s hard to do stuff on our own. It’s isolating, and it becomes easy to start thinking that we’re all alone in whatever we are doing or feeling. The truth is that we’re never alone, but in order to feel like we have a team and that people understand, we first need to find those people.

    So find your cheerleaders. Identify the people in your life who you’d like on your team, and then tell them that they’re on your team.

    Maybe it’s the friend who always wants to hear about your dreams and provides encouragement and support. Maybe it’s your parents, maybe it’s your neighbor, maybe it’s a distant Facebook connection or a follower on Twitter.

    Whoever these people may be—whether it’s one or one hundred and one—find them, and tell them about your goals and dreams. They will be there to build you up when you struggle, and they will help to keep you accountable in your goals.

    4. Always remind yourself of your goals and dreams.

    Sometimes when we get off track, we let it happen because we lose sight of our goals. They’re covered up by the more immediate stuff: what to cook for dinner, weekend plans, TV shows, social media. Without being reminded of our goals, it’s easy to keep pushing them off to another day.

    I’m a visual person, so when I set goals for myself, I use charts, vision boards, even a list of key words or quotes on an index card, taped to my mirror. Having daily reminders of my goals makes it harder to fall into the ‘out of sight, out of mind’ trap.

    —

    So start with that single step. Make a vow and even if you break that vow, keep coming back. Come back one thousand times, but always come back.

    Dreamer image via Shutterstock

  • Stop Holding Yourself Back and Start Proving What You Can Do

    Stop Holding Yourself Back and Start Proving What You Can Do

    Woman with suitcase

    “The worst enemy to creativity is self-doubt.” ~Sylvia Plath

    Singing professionally has always been something I have wanted to do. Always. The home I grew up in wasn’t a particularly musical household, unless you count playing the radio as playing an instrument.

    To my benefit, there was a lot of music in our home ranging from gospel to the Beach Boys; but really nothing beyond the sixties was allowed unless it was a spiritual song of some kind. So, I sang in the church choir and later I helped lead the music for Sunday morning services. Anything to sing.

    As a kid, I loved to make up songs. It wasn’t songwriting in my mind; it was playing with words. For example, changing the lyrics to “The Lion Sleeps Tonight” for a friend moving away or playing with a melody because I loved it.

    The problem was there was no one around to tell me it was any good or anyone who knew enough about music to encourage a budding talent. As a kid, I thought this meant I wasn’t good enough.

    The logic that reigned was if I had something worth praising, someone would tell me. When no one did, I took my talents, dreams, and hopes underground.

    Hiding became my normal because I loved music, and since I assumed I wasn’t any good, why put it out there for anyone to criticize? I was too sensitive for such judgment.

    When given the opportunity in the fifth grade, I began to play in the orchestra. I played the violin, or was it the viola? I can’t recall. All I can remember is the hideous screeches of “Hot Cross Buns.”

    As soon as band was an option, I switched to the flute and fell in love with music in a whole new way. Still, I believed I was no good. The question that seemed to always ring out was, “Do I have what it takes?” When no one responded, I assumed the answer was, “No!”

    It’s silly looking back because I never really asked the question, attributing people’s lack of interest or encouragement as rejection and an affirmation of my inability.

    Everything was confirmation of my lack of talent.

    Like my mother’s warning about the reality of the music industry. Her explanation that it was a tough business meant in my head “You aren’t very good.”

    The high school talent coordinator telling me I was better on the flute and should be doing that instead of singing equaled “You aren’t a great singer.”

    The flat out discouragement of a church music director saying I was “pitchy” (which I now know was only a matter of bad technique) made me think “I guess I will sing back up forever.”

    When I auditioned for American Idol and heard, “You’re good but not what we are looking for,” that was the nail in the coffin.

    Why even try? Everyone had told me I wasn’t good enough. Inside I was asking the question “Can I?” and the response was “No!” It took me a long time to realize it wasn’t the world, my music teacher, or even my mother’s job to answer the question “Can I?” It was my job.

    One day I decided I wasn’t going to take no for an answer. This thing called music screamed inside to be let out. Finally, I decided songwriting and singing had been gifted to me for a purpose, and I was going to see what that purpose was. Insecurity would no longer be my prison.

    It hasn’t been an easy road but the question has changed. Now I ask myself “Why wouldn’t I?” Could it be fear? That is a terrible reason to quit anything. Rejection? I will face that no matter what I do. Failure? I guarantee failure by not trying.

    Just changing the question made a world of difference. Not relying on others to answer a question only I was responsible for made me feel empowered.

    I still battle insecurity and I still ask myself the wrong questions but more and more I ask myself the right one. Why wouldn’t I? Try it and see what happens in your life.

    I surprised myself. You might surprise yourself too. Surround yourself with people who believe in you and will be your cheerleaders. Don’t take no for an answer, even if the person saying “No!” is you.

    Woman with suitcase image via Shutterstock

  • Walk Toward Your Dreams: If Not Now, When?

    Walk Toward Your Dreams: If Not Now, When?

    Walking

    “Do not wait until the conditions are perfect to begin. Beginning makes the conditions perfect.” ~Alan Cohen

    Last year I was suddenly made redundant along with half of my colleagues, as our company was being taken over. It was swift and severe. It was also a blessing.

    I didn’t want to work for the new company whose values conflicted with my own. And I had been wavering on making a decision about my career.

    Now I was being forced to decide but I just wasn’t sure what I wanted to do. At least, that’s what I told myself. Fear makes us do that sometimes, to keep us where we are, safe within our comfort zone.

    A friend reminded me to return to my dreams. On the basis of de-cluttering, Practical Me, that part of me that likes to keep me safe, put my vision board on the top shelf of my wardrobe, where it was safely out of sight and out of mind. I took it back down and spread it out on my bed.

    In the top left corner were pictures of the ocean and scuba diving. I had just spent a week diving around the island of Komodo in Indonesia.

    Beneath it were pictures of walking trails and Italy representing my dream to walk the Via Francigena, an ancient pilgrimage route of 2,053 kilometres, from Canterbury in southern England through France, Switzerland, and Italy, ending in Saint Peter’s Square in Rome.

    After walking a small section through Tuscany a couple of years earlier, I dreamed of walking the whole way one day, sometime in the future. I hadn’t planned on walking it now but then I hadn’t planned on being made redundant either.

    I sat on my bed looking at my vision board with this dream staring back up at me. With no job and needing to move house in the next couple of months, and a small redundancy payment in the bank, now was the perfect time for this dream to be lived.

    That’s when the whispers started. You know them. The ones that give you every possible reason why you can’t do something, to stop you moving forward, to keep you “safe” exactly where you are right now:

    You didn’t plan on doing it this year.

    You haven’t saved for it. The redundancy payment won’t cover it all. You will have to spend your savings. You will end up broke. 

    It will be long and hard. You don’t even know anything about long distance walking or hiking. Maybe you won’t make it. What a waste of money.

    And the loudest…

    Why on earth would you want to walk 2,000 kilometres? What’s the point?

    Logically, there was no reason to walk that far, especially these days when I could fly or take a train or bus or drive. Except as much as I was scared, the idea excited me.

    Then I heard the words of my good friend and yoga teacher, Joey. Whenever I hesitated to go into a posture or resisted going a little deeper, Joey always looked at me and said matter-of-factly, “If not now, when?”

    If not now, when?

    Yes, but I didn’t plan on doing it this year.

    If not now, when?

    I don’t know—maybe in a few years when I’ve accrued some long service leave or I have retired, or maybe never because it’s just a dream to be dreamed and not lived.

    As I was having this argument with myself, my mind jumped many years into the future.

    I was as an old woman with short silver hair, lying on my deathbed and looking back at my life, specifically looking back at all the things I didn’t dare to do. As soon as the words, “I wish I had” left my mouth, I knew this would be one of them.

    I don’t want to die regretting the things I wanted to do but was too scared to try. And I knew that if I didn’t attempt to walk it now, I might never have the perfect opportunity.

    I may not have the freedom and time to undertake such a long adventure until who knows when, maybe decades away when I’m older and my body less able, maybe never.

    I decided to walk. Scared and excited, I prepared myself as best I could. Ten weeks later I had packed up my life in Melbourne and was in Canterbury taking my first steps to Rome.

    For seventy-five days I walked entirely on my own. Then ten days away from Rome I met Peter and Paulius (yes true story their names really were Peter and Paul just like the Apostles). Eighty-five days after I left Canterbury, I walked into Saint Peter’s Square with Peter and Paul.

    Some of those fearful whispers were right. I didn’t know what I was doing and I was an inexperienced hiker, but I learned what I could before I left and the rest I learned as I walked.

    I depleted my savings; however, I didn’t end up broke.

    There was a risk I might not make it all the way, especially within the ninety day Schengen visa restriction, but I decided it was a risk worth taking. Where there’s a will, there’s a way. I made it.

    It was long and hard, one of the most challenging things I have ever done in my life physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. I discovered the extent of my own determination and resilience and found the answer to the question I had long been seeking—the purpose of my life.

    In realizing this dream, I have been able to take steps toward living another dream: to write and publish a book. I have written about my journey and am in the process of getting it published.

    Stepping toward our dreams and into the unknown can be scary. It’s just that part of ourselves that wants to keep us safe and free of shame, where there is a risk of failure. It’s okay to feel scared and it’s normal, but we don’t have to let it have the last word and control us.

    Take a deep breath into your belly, feel into your heart, and ask yourself, if not now, when? What answer do you feel in your body? Is your fear nervous or excited? Is your desire greater than your fear?

    Is now the right time for you to take that step? Maybe the answer is no, not right now. That’s okay. We don’t need to force things; everything can unfold in its own time.

    How will you feel at the end of your life if you don’t give your dream a go? Will you be regretful, sad, or disappointed in yourself? If your answer is yes, then use those feelings to propel you through your fear and take that first step towards living your dream—starting now.

    Walking image via Shutterstock

  • When You Don’t Know What You Want Anymore

    When You Don’t Know What You Want Anymore

    Man Thinking

    “We learn more by looking for the answer to a question and not finding it than we do from learning the answer itself.” ~Lloyd Alexander

    There was a time when I looked at the world without hope. My future felt dark because I didn’t know what I wanted to do.

    I felt like I was a random player in a chaotic game. I didn’t like it, and I didn’t like life.

    Luckily, I stumbled onto resources, ideas, and practices that helped me reconnect to my wisdom, my heart, and my interests.

    I applied what I learned, and clarity emerged.

    I’ll share what happened and how I gained clarity, but in order to do that, let’s start at the beginning.

    The Problem

    The problem wasn’t that I didnt know what I wanted to do. It was thinking that I should know what I want.

    When I think I should know, I put pressure on myself. I feel stressed out, and I feel like I’m not good enough because I haven’t got life figured out.

    When I accept the present moment as it is, it frees up a tremendous amount of energy. When I stop resisting, I can start living.

    When I look back at the darkest moments in my life, not only do I see their purpose, but I also see that, deep down, I always knew what step to take next.

    But at the time I couldn’t see this because my vision was clouded by my fears.

    The Solution

    The solution was to see through what held me back from connecting to my heart, and to my desires.

    I did this by becoming mindful of how I was letting my fears dictate my life. I began to deliberately challenge my fears by taking action.

    I took tiny steps forward. I listened to my heart as best as I could.

    Instead of shrinking away from my fears, I wondered, “What would happen if I took a step forward anyway?”

    By doing this, I discovered that most of my fears were false. They weren’t real. They didn’t come to pass, even though it felt like they would.

    I realized that acting on what I was interested in right now was enough to start the ball rolling. With time, I could sense what was right for me.

    Today, I feel like I have cat whiskers on my body, and I navigate through feeling.

    Our desires can never be put out. They can be dampened and dismissed, but never extinguished.

    3 Steps to Uncovering What You Want

    So the question then becomes: How do we reconnect to our desires?

    Well, I’m not going to tell you what to do, because there’s no real formula. And I’m not the expert on you. You are.

    So what I’m going to do is share a few examples from my life. That way, you can pick what resonates with you and apply it to your life.

    Don’t take what I say for granted. Instead, test it out.

    1. Become quiet.

    Whenever I feel confused and don’t know what to do, I take it as a sign to calm down. During those times, I notice that my mind is speeding along, trying to figure everything out.

    I often lie down on my bed and just breathe. Sometimes I take a walk, and sometimes I watch a movie.

    I don’t have a set routine. I listen to my heart. I notice what I feel pulled to do. I trust my body and my inner wisdom to know what is right for me at that moment.

    But there are times when I don’t know what’s right. I just feel confused. When that happens, I become quiet and I focus my attention on my heart area.

    My mind often tries to pull me back up, but I gently re-focus on my heart.

    I ask my heart: What is important right now? And I wait. I don’t always get an answer, but I try to listen every day.

    I’ve noticed that whenever I’m stressed, it’s not because life is stressful; it’s because I’m entertaining stressful thoughts.

    Becoming quiet and reconnecting to my heart helps, especially when I don’t know what to do.

    2. Explore through writing.

    Something else that I’ve found immensely useful is writing.

    I don’t use prompts. I don’t have a structure. I open up a notebook and start writing what’s on my mind.

    I clear my mind by dumping it all on paper. This seems to give me better access to my heart. So I begin by writing what’s on my mind, and I end up writing what’s in my heart.

    Some call this journaling. Some call it freewriting. Julia Cameron calls it writing your “Morning Pages.”

    The label isn’t important. What’s important is the result.

    After writing for ten to fifteen minutes, after getting all the craziness from my mind on paper, clarity emerges. I can feel my heart becoming warmer.

    I sometimes ask my heart questions. I don’t always get great answers, but sometimes I do. Sometimes I feel like I’m connecting to an intelligence greater than me. And who knows, maybe I am?

    The bottom line is that it works.

    3. Take micro steps.

    Once I reconnect to my heart, and clear some of the mind chatter, I begin asking myself: What tiny step can I take to reconnect with my desires?

    You may want to rephrase this question. If you do, make sure you keep the focus on ridiculously tiny steps.

    Sometimes the tiny step is to lie down. Relax and recharge. Stop trying to figure everything out. Stop stressing about the imagined future.

    Micro steps are not only useful in reconnecting with your desires. I use them in everything I do.

    The reason they work so well is that they bring you back to the present moment. Micro steps help you focus on what you can do with what you have.

    You can’t predict the future. You can’t control outcomes. But you can do the best you can, right here, right now. When this realization sinks in, you relax and life becomes brighter.

    —

    The biggest mistake I make over and over again, even though I know all this, is getting stuck in my own thinking.

    I notice my thinking trying to figure it all out. But all my thoughts are assumptions about life. They aren’t reality. Just thoughts.

    This doesn’t mean we should condemn thoughts. It means we need to take our thoughts less seriously.

    Because what if you let go of the story that you didn’t know what you want? You would simply enjoy what’s right here, right now. And if you felt drawn to do something, you’d do it.

    When I watch my son play, he doesn’t know what he wants. He’s completely in the present moment, enjoying life. He’s almost three years old as I write this, yet he’s showing me how to live and enjoy life.

    You see, I’ve noticed that I tend to take life too seriously. I take my thoughts, my fears, and my future seriously.

    Yet what I’ve realized is that I’m always experiencing my life through my thoughts. I don’t feel the outside world. I feel my thoughts.

    So when I help people find and follow their passion, even when they don’t know what they want, I discover that the spark never went out. It simply got obscured by their thinking.

    I’m not going to tell you to make a radical change in your life. I’m going to tell you to take the tiniest step, and to bring your attention back into this very moment.

    You only need to notice a tiny thing you enjoy doing, and follow it. This isn’t about picking the right thing.

    Right now, it’s about simply learning to follow your interests, and reconnecting to your heart and joy.

    Thinking man image via Shutterstock

  • When You Lack Focus and Direction: Stop Looking for Your “Thing”

    When You Lack Focus and Direction: Stop Looking for Your “Thing”

    “More important than the quest for certainty is the quest for clarity.” ~Francois Gautier

    Isn’t it funny—and annoying and brilliant—how often things turn out to be nothing like we thought they would?

    Six years ago I was recovering from a breakdown and reacquainting myself with my long dormant artistic side, and I remember spending a lot of time wondering what my “thing” was.

    You know, that one specific thing in this life that I was destined to do to be fulfilled, and ideally from which I would earn a comfortable living.

    I had always loved creativity, and particularly art, and had always wanted that to be my thing; I would be an artist, sell my work, and live comfortably on the proceeds.

    There were a couple of problems with my plan, however. One was my upbringing, which told me that art was unrealistic as a way to make a living. As a result, I had done all sorts of things that were nothing to do with my original dream, many of which I hated (hence that final breakdown).

    That mindset is not at all unusual in Western culture and is something many of us have to move beyond, but there was something else too.

    I could not seem to pin down my love of art and creativity to one single focus. I experimented endlessly, on my own and in classes, with everything from acrylics to oils, from printing to sculpture.

    And still I kept thinking, how will I ever know which is my thing? What’s the one thing I’ll be really good at and so endlessly enthused by that I won’t continue this constant dabbling?

    How will I ever be a credible artist if I paint in a different style every time I put brush to canvas? How will I ever fulfill my dream of making a living doing what I love when I seem so scattered and unfocused?

    Since no clear answer was forthcoming at that point, I just kept going.

    Sometimes I envied those who seemed to be born already knowing what their thing was, like my friend who always knew she’d be a vet. I thought they must have or know something I didn’t. That perhaps there was something wrong with me for being so fickle and apparently unable to settle on just one thing.

    But as it turns out, that seemingly flighty, unfocused, shallow dabbling was an essential part of the story, and not at all the waste of time I feared.

    I learned two key things about what I’ve come to see as the “myth of the thing.”

    1. There is what you are passionate and curious about and would do for free (and often do), an

    2. There are all the ways in which that comes through you.

    You are like a prism, full of your own unique mix of colors that join together to radiate a single beam—you.

    In my experience, it’s unhelpful and limiting to assume that you’ll whittle it down to a single thing or work it out with your mind. After all, your mind has no real knowledge of your heart.

    Your “thing that is not a thing” is already there inside you, but without taking action over and over from a place of curiosity and passion, you won’t give your personal and utterly unique filter a chance to make itself known.

    I’ll always be insatiably curious and I think that’s a fantastic trait to have, not a handicap. Today, I love to paint, draw, write, bake, tend my plants, make things, research, gather and share information, read books and blogs, spend time at the beach, explore spirituality, travel, and learn whatever I can about whatever catches my magpie eye.

    You might think I’m still dabbling. But all those things feed and become my thing that is not a thing.

    So what is my “thing”? It’s being what I can’t help being. It’s being curious and creative; it’s exploring, playing, demonstrating and sharing what I learn through the filter of art and creativity; it’s helping, supporting, and encouraging people to find their own unique ways to express themselves creatively.

    It’s doing what I’d do anyway and letting it evolve into something that feeds both me and others, and yes, it’s even starting to bring in an income. I am an artist, only in many more ways than the single one I envisaged.

    My magpie eye isn’t hindering me from finding my thing; it’s part of how my thing manifests. That realization has changed everything, and my life is infinitely richer for it.

    Without it, I would not have tried or learned so many things. I would not now have both a wealth of techniques and experiences and ideas to share, nor the understanding and empathy that comes with having trodden the messy meandering path myself. Both of those important factors unexpectedly became part of my work now.

    While there are many things we all know to do to help us find out who we really are and what we’re here to do, like journaling or meditation, I have found the following also helpful in my quest.

    It takes time, so give it time.

    I know that’s hard, especially if you feel stuck in an unfulfilling job or other restricting life situation. Patience and perseverance will stand you in good stead, so do what it takes to cultivate them. (I suggest a spiritual or energy practice.)

    Widen your view.

    Your “thing” won’t only show up in the obvious places. My creativity doesn’t just appear in the studio; it’s in how I put a meal together, how I arrange my desk, how I use my day, right down to the tiny moments.

    Listen to intuitive nudges.

    Have you developed an unexpected interest in historical fiction? Head to the library. Do you have a sudden urge to grow something? Visit the garden center.

    Not only might you find what you think you’re looking for, you also increase the chances of discovering something new that contributes to your clarity or brings a new opportunity. 

    Think of a task you do regularly that you find mundane.

    Ask yourself, what could I change about how I approach this to make it fun or interesting? How can I apply my unique way of seeing the world here? It could be a mindset change, an intention or affirmation, or it could be the actual physical way you perform the task.

    I have a system for folding my laundry that allows my mind to roam freely for a few minutes; that inner roaming brings in new ideas and insights. Thus laundry becomes not something that wastes my precious time but something that enhances it and brings me more into who I am.

    —

    Stop looking for that elusive “thing.” Start living your life in all the ways that are exciting and interesting to you, right down to the tiny daily details. Explore, create, discover, absorb.

    With some thought and imagination you can do this within your current job, with your children, when you’re doing daily tasks. It doesn’t have to be grand and time-consuming.

    And then you will find that your thing is simply who you can’t help being. The more of your unique inner rainbow you reveal, the more it will become clear who you are and what you are here to do. Just be prepared for it to look a little different—and a lot more beautiful—than you thought.

  • How I’m Getting Past Internal Resistance So I Can Live a Life I Love

    How I’m Getting Past Internal Resistance So I Can Live a Life I Love

    “Your actions are your only true belongings.” ~Allan Lokos

    This is not a piece about a person who has already finished her journey. I am not here to tell you that I’ve emerged from a dark place into a place of ease, or that I’ve discovered a profound new way of being that shields me from daily stresses.

    I wish I could tell you those things. I love to read about successes like that.

    Instead, I am in a messy stage of my journey, holding on to the glimmers of joy that I feel throughout each day, dreaming and journaling and not getting enough sleep.

    I am transitioning to a different life path as we speak.

    I take each day as its own adventure, knowing that I will feel any combination of boredom, happiness, depression, anxiety, and curiosity. Knowing that it’s okay for change to be complicated, that it’s okay to be confused one minute and excited the next as long as I keep asking questions and keep looking for answers.

    There’s no avoiding this part of the journey, the part where you peel back the layers of who you were and make room for who you will be. Where you shake free from the comforts and limiting beliefs you’ve been living under, where you consider if the life you’ve been living truly reflects who you are.

    This is the scary part. The part where you feel guilty or ashamed or sad that it took you this long to acknowledge your dreams. It’s hard to know when this part will end. All you can do is keep moving and know that those answers will come.

    For the past five years my life has not reflected who I truly am, as I’ve worked a job that bored me so deeply that my soul quietly settled down to sleep.

    On one hand, I am grateful for this job, grateful for the boredom-induced depression that shook me gently but steadily until I finally dusted myself off to search for something more.

    I am grateful for the months of utter paralysis, as I knew I was somehow meant to stretch my creative spirit but did not understand what that looked like or how it sustained me.

    I aim to forgive the part of myself that argued it was “too late,” and that I should just accept the steady job with no questions asked.

    And so I remained as patient as I could. I asked friends to describe my strengths, I vented to my journal. I cried and read inspirational blogs until my eyes reddened. I closed my eyes and meditated, waiting for the light bulb moment to provide me my core beliefs and purpose.

    I’m grateful I did not give up. That I have not given up, still.

    My breakthrough came a year and a half into my journey. One and a half years of reading and thinking and hoping for more. And suddenly, with little warning:

    I think I’m supposed to do visual art, written quickly into my journal.

    Isn’t it funny how life surprises you? I didn’t see this coming; I hadn’t pursued art in my twenties or dreamed of someday being a full-time artist. I let the thought sit for months, afraid of it, thinking I must have misheard my yearnings.

    And so I waited until the thought reemerged four months later. Stronger now, more insistent.

    And I am grateful I listened.

    My journey has changed shape, as journeys often do if you let them, softly tugging me into a makeshift studio after work each evening where I paint and write and remind myself to take big, soothing breaths.

    I’m still not a full-time artist yet, but every day is an adventure still, asking me only that if I haven’t yet found my confidence, to please get up each day and try anyway. And so I get up each day and I try, even when I’m overwhelmed and tired, even when my next steps are unclear.

    One of my favorite mentors, Marie Forleo, has often said clarity comes from engagement, which is a hard concept for those of us who plan endlessly and write everything down multiple times so that we can avoid actually taking that first step.

    That first step, which supports the next and the next, is the most important of all.

    Without action, my journey would be back at square one, huddled under the weight of my doubts and fears.

    Without action, my soul would still be asleep, unable to consider a different future.

    Without action, I would not cherish these moments of actual joy, my paint brush in hand. I would not know they existed.

    And so the question becomes: have you been listening?

    Do you feel the tugs, however quiet, that will lead you in a new direction? I know many of us are so good at ignoring these whispers, resisting the changes that feel so big and scary and new that we can’t imagine where the journey will lead.

    Today, I want you to act, acknowledging your resistance with empathy as you move forward anyway. I want you to get messy and uncomfortable, even if that simply means facing your fears in the pages of your journal.

    If you are just at the beginning, or perhaps even in the middle of your journey as I am, remember: you are capable of joy. Now how will you create it?