Tiny Buddha

Tag: Mindfulness

  • 31 Ways to Appreciate The Present Moment and Feel Happier Right Now

    31 Ways to Appreciate The Present Moment and Feel Happier Right Now

    “Start where you are. Use what you have. Do what you can.” ~Arthur Ashe

    It’s frustrating, isn’t it?

    You dream of a life where you have more freedom—your work nourishes your mind and soul, your home is organized, and you have ample time to exercise and eat right.

    It’s not that your current situation is awful, but you long to do more of the things you love. Yet when you contemplate radical changes, your heart rate quickens, and you convince yourself it’s just not the right time.

    So you keep waiting for the big moment when you can make that big change that will lead to happiness.

    Well, you’re wasting your time …

    Our ability to feel happier comes from inside ourselves, not from external circumstances. You don’t need to quit your job, move to an exotic location, or lose weight to be happy. You can embody happiness right now.

    Over the years, I’ve gotten better at aligning my life activities with my purpose.

    I teach at my own yoga studio. I assumed this would make me happy 100% of the time, but I get derailed sometimes. I ruminate about the small things like our cluttered house and the endless details of running a yoga studio. I forget the big picture. I forget all that I have. I get grumpy and start to nitpick.

    I have to catch myself and find my happiness from within again. It might take a few minutes, hours, or days, but I use these mini-habits to help me get there. They cost little to nothing and are portable.

    No matter your situation, you can start right now. The following habits will help you stand a little taller, smile from your heart, and shine a little brighter.

    For Your Mind

    1. Breathe deeply.

    Inhale deeply, and exhale completely ten times. Deep breathing slows your thoughts, relaxes your nervous system, and brings you closer to your own intuition.

    2. Use a mantra to change your mind-set.

    Sha is a Sanskrit root word meaning peace, as in “shanti.” Say “sham” slowly ten to twenty times. By combining sound, breath, and rhythm, mantra channels the flow of energy through the mind-body circuit and calms your nervous system and mind.

    3. Zone out.

    Spend a few minutes daydreaming. Your logical mind, the prefrontal cortex, is constantly planning, analyzing, and thinking about the future. Give it a rest and just be for a little while; you’ll feel refreshed.

    4. Express your love.

    Write a note or tell a loved one how you appreciate them. Communicating positive emotions lowers stress hormones, bad cholesterol, and blood pressure, and it strengthens immunity.

    5. Rejuvenate your mind.

    Close your eyes for a few moments. What do you see in the darkness of your mind’s eye? Notice the patterns that form. This is a simple meditation that rejuvenates and refocuses your tired mind.

    6. Explore healing aromas.

    Plants like rosemary, lavender, and sage can improve our moods. Create your own natural spa. Put your favorite essential oils in a spray bottle with a little water.

    7. Swap a thought.

    Make a list of your positive traits and attributes. When you criticize yourself, refer to this list. Keep this pattern up and you’ll transform your inner dialogue.

    8. Allow yourself to be.

    Accept all your feelings about your present situation. They are valid, whether you like them or not. Accepting your current situation is the first step to feeling happier.

    9. Loving-kindness meditation.

    Loving-kindness builds positive emotions, which increases mindfulness and purpose in life. Spend a few minutes letting feelings of love and kindness for someone wash over you.

    10. Meditate.

    When thoughts come, return to your breath without judging. Deep breathing clears your mind and decreases your stress levels, which will allow you to feel happier.

    11. Declutter one spot.

    Declutter one surface or area. Starting small is easier. But when your home and workspace are clear from clutter, your mind feels more spacious.

    For Your Body

    12. Lighten up.

    Once a day, laugh at yourself. When you make a mistake, see the humor in your error. Laughing is great medicine, it improves your mood, and it relieves stress and tension.

    13. Stretch your body.

    Sitting in a chair? Push away from your desk. Inhale, and as you exhale, bend forward, moving your ribs toward your thighs. Breathe deeply. Get out of your mind and into your body and the present moment.

    14. Stretch your breath.

    Hold onto the back of your chair and take slow, long breaths. This opens up your rib cage and lungs, allowing you to breathe more deeply. The added oxygen to your brain will make you feel alive and alert.

    15. Give yourself a massage.

    Use coconut oil or sesame oil on your skin, massage it on your whole body, and then take a warm shower to help your skin absorb the oil. This is a home spa treatment that is used all over India. Touch is calming, and you can reap its benefits without buying expensive massages.

    16. Take a bath.

    Relax and enjoy the simple pleasure of a warm bath. Light some candles and put on your favorite music.  Soothe your body with this simple ritual. Why dream about getting away when you can create a calming environment in your home?

    17. Place your palms over your eyelids.

    This relaxes your eyes and mind. This is especially helpful if you have a headache or feel fatigued.

    18. Practice Yoga Nidra (Yogic Sleep).

    Take ten minutes to relax your whole body completely and then each part of your body in turn. This magical practice is as efficient as taking a longer nap.

    19. Eat with complete attention.

    Put away all your screens. Savor your meal by noticing all its tastes and textures. You’ll improve your digestion and feel more relaxed as a result.

    20. Move every day.

    Even if you have very little time. You only need five minutes to stretch or walk outside. Building a little movement into your day is better for your health than one longer weekly workout.

    21. Hug someone or something.

    Like your friend, pet, or even yourself. Soothing touch is relaxing and calming.

    For Your Spirit

    22. Stop and pay attention.

    Are birds chirping? Horns blasting? Voices passing? Notice your world right now and see the beauty that is unfolding under your nose. You’ll feel a little better about your situation.

    23. Make a mini-gratitude list.

    What are three things from the past twenty-four hours that can go on your list? Making gratitude a permanent trait is proven to make us happier and healthier, and live longer.

    24. Give thanks for your meals.

    Saying thanks for having enough will remind you of how much you have. Remember that eight million people don’t have enough food to lead a healthy, active life.

    25. Get outside and unplug.

    Spend time outdoors without your digital devices. Notice the small details of your surroundings—the flowers, the trees, even the small ants on the sidewalk. You’ll feel peaceful and calm as a result.

    26. Spend time with friends.

    Socializing is a secret of the world’s longest-lived people. Set a weekly meeting. Go for a walk, drink tea, or simply enjoy each others’ presence.

    27. Listen.

    When people talk, listen to them. Be 100% present with your company and you’ll get their appreciation in return.

    28. Love your furry friends.

    They can be our best friends and show undying loyalty. Spending time petting a dog can improve your mood and even strengthen your heart.

    29. Find a beautiful natural thing around you.

    Pick a flower, leaf, twig, or fruit. Remind yourself of all the natural wonders that surround you right now. It’s easy to overlook the beauty in the present moment.

    30. Take a mini-vacation.

    Once a week, I take my toddler and dog to the park for a picnic lunch. We relax and listen to the birds. Leave your busy life for a few moments to be with loved ones who are crucial to your happiness.

    31. Give a little bit.

    Carry canned food for people asking for food.  Make eye contact. Recognize the common human spirit in every person you meet, right in your neighborhood.

    The Secret That Holds The Key To Your Happiness

    Your happiness isn’t dependent on where you live, how much you weigh, or what you do for work. The key to happiness is appreciating what you have at this moment. Sure, we all want to make changes sometimes. But one change, no matter how big, is unlikely to transform misery into elation.

    Small things that help you appreciate yourself, your loved ones, and the world around you will add up to big changes in your mindset.

    Pick a couple practices from each category. Write them down. Post them on your mirror so that you remind yourself each morning.

    Schedule the activities in your calendar.  Even if they take five minutes, this daily reminder will prompt your memory.

    And don’t forget to inhale the sweet fragrance of the jasmine that is blooming right under your nose.

    Ahh, doesn’t it smell delicious?

  • Reclaim the Forgotten State of Wonder to Live an Extraordinary Life

    Reclaim the Forgotten State of Wonder to Live an Extraordinary Life

    Amazed Little Girl

    “There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle, the other is as though everything is a miracle.” ~Albert Einstein

    For years, I walked as if I were asleep.

    Autopilot steered me along the familiar paths between home and work and shopping centers and the gym. Paths I traveled so many times with my mind somewhere in the future or somewhere in the past, that everything around me passed like ghosts: present, unseen.

    Sometimes, in a moment between waking and sleeping, I glimpsed marshmallow clouds, a burnt sunset, the bruised hills, the star-studded night sky. But mostly I was pre-occupied with living my life: working, eating, sleeping, and sometimes playing.

    I didn’t even know that I didn’t notice what was around me, that I wasn’t paying attention or connecting to the world around me, until I had an encounter that changed the course of my life.

    Learning to scuba dive in the tropical sea, on my second ever dive, a small green turtle suddenly appeared and paddled gracefully through the water with her flipper-like limbs.

    As she moved in front of me, we locked gaze.

    In that moment, we were connected through an invisible essence, like all creatures and humans are connected in a way that we often don’t understand. I sensed her ancient wisdom and timeless soul, and was transfixed.

    Eventually, the turtle looked away then flapped her front limbs and swam away into the blue.

    I watched her until she was gone but she would never really leave me. That moment of connection flicked a light switch in my soul. From that moment I was hooked on diving and slowly I started to wake up.

    Some years later, in the midst of a career crisis, I quit my job in financial planning to be free for a while.

    I went to Thailand to pursue my love of diving and completed my Divemaster and Instructor courses.

    The way I lived changed completely: slow, in the sea, barefoot, lying on hot sand, riding motorbikes through jungle-covered hills, tangled hair, watching sunsets every day. I was wild and free.

    My senses were alive with bright colors, the scent of frangipani and the sweetness of ripe mangoes. I reveled in it all.

    I paid attention to everything—the moon’s fullness, the strength of the wind, the sun’s position to the horizon, and the presence of clouds for sunset’s potential beauty, although I always went to the beach to watch it anyway.

    Returning home to corporate, city life was a difficult adjustment; my free-spirit felt constrained, the concrete and glass buildings dead and cold, the routine numbing. But I carried within me everything I learned, and I knew that if I could see an amazing world overseas I could see one back home too.

    I kept a mindful writing practice called small stones, writing down at least one thing that I noticed every day, just as it was, in its beauty or plainness.

    I walked to work to escape the tired energy of the train and witnessed the city parks transform from green to tangerine to rust to paper bag brown to naked then back to green.

    I took time out to sit on the earth and feel the sun on my skin and the breeze brush my hair.

    As I opened my senses and my heart to the world around me, I re-discovered wonder—gasping “ah,” and “wow”—the essence of amazement that we all knew when we were children as we experienced something new only to forget how miraculous it was as the experience repeated became commonplace and normal.

    To be amazed and in awe of life is to feel fully alive and present in the moment.

    When we reclaim wonder in our everyday lives, whether we are washing the dishes, driving to work, or watching the clouds shift and change in the sky, we transform the mundane and the routine into a sacred experience.

    The ordinary becomes extraordinary and our lives deeper, richer, and more connected.

    You don’t need to spend money or go out of your way to find wonder. You can experience it right here, where you are.

    Simply stop and pay attention. Notice what is around you.

    Look with innocence and curiosity. Release the tendency to judge and describe with adjectives like ugly or pretty. Be grateful for what you witness and you will experience more.

    Let it move and inspire you. Write about it, take a photo, paint a picture, sing a song, say a prayer, dance.

    Your life is made up of some big moments but mainly many small ones. Without paying attention, your life will pass by quickly and your memory of it will be beige.

    But witness those moments with presence, gratitude, and wonder and your life will be vividly multi-colored. It will be extraordinary.

    Amazed little girl image via Shutterstock

  • The Power of Presence : A Few Simple Ways to Enjoy Life More Now

    The Power of Presence : A Few Simple Ways to Enjoy Life More Now

    “All that is important is this one moment in movement. Make the moment important, vital, and worth living. Do not let it slip away unnoticed and unused.” ~Martha Graham

    I am someone who is always focusing on the next step rather than the step I am currently taking. I am always longing for the next thing in life.

    Looking forward to the future isn’t a bad thing, but when it consumes 90% of your daily thoughts, it becomes a bit exhausting.

    My energy has always been restless. I get bored easily, crave change constantly, and yearn for immediate fulfillment. At one point, I realized I was letting a good life pass me by.

    I have been working full-time and have been a student year-round for over five years. Life has been repetitive for a long time, lots and lots of work with very little playtime.

    This began to leave my mind in a constant state of restlessness, and there was no turning it off.

    I craved more meaning out of life, richer experiences, and deep soul-searching. I had big ideas of what I wanted to do, so many ideas that it began to overtake me and make me feel angry about the life I was living.

    I became impatient and intolerant of my own life. I was in a rut. I felt completely out of control and stuck.

    I had always admired people who were able to be present and live in the moment. I had never been that type of person, and I really wanted to be.

    I realized the only thing I could control was the present moment; I could not control the future because it hadn’t happened yet. So I decided to focus my restless energy on things I could change that would help me live a happier life right now.

    In the brief moments when I wasn’t working, or at class, or doing homework, I decided to try turning off that multi-tasking motor in my brain. I began to focus on one thing, and one thing only. It could be something as simple as brushing my teeth or doing the dishes.

    You’d be amazed at how enjoyable simple activities can be if you enter them with a positive and uncluttered mind.

    I also decided to pick up a hobby and learn something new; I dabbled in a bit of photography and taught myself basic functions of the camera and different tricks and techniques. While school and work are stimulating, I often do things because I am told to do them, not because I want to.

    This was a refreshing perspective and a great outlet for that restless energy.

    I also started saying “no” less, and “yes” more. This forced me out of my comfort zone and enriched me with those new experiences I had been craving, even if they were small and simple. There’s nothing better than finding comfort in chaos and testing your boundaries.

    Once I began to practice these things daily, I started seeing benefits. I felt happier, more secure, and full of life again. My heart began to open and the weight that had been pulling me down began to lift.

    If you find yourself rushing through the present, focusing on the future, and not enjoying your daily life, it might help to try these small changes for yourself: fully immerse yourself in what you’re doing instead of multitasking, try a new hobby to create more moments where you’re engaged in something fun, and practice saying “yes” to things that you normally wouldn’t.

    This will push you out of your comfort zone and allow you to discover new things about yourself. It’s a lot easier to live in the now when you feel blissfully alive in the now.

    There will be times when you find your mind shifting somewhere that you don’t want it to go. Don’t judge it. Acknowledge it, and then mindfully transition yourself back to the present moment. With a little practice you will be amazed by how in control of your thoughts you really are.

    While I still have goals and dreams for the future, I am now focusing on what I can work on to be fulfilled in the present. These are the moments that matter; these are the moments that will soon be the past. We are not promised tomorrow, but we are promised right now.

    Live in it. Breathe it. Take in as much of this moment as you can.

    You are capable of being your best self, and you are capable of doing it right now. I challenge you to challenge yourself, to live in this moment, to break through your limits, and to find the very best, most present you.

  • Get Mindful in May and Pause for a Great Cause

    Get Mindful in May and Pause for a Great Cause

    Mindful in May

    When your mind is scattered, your head full of worries, and your heart full of fears and doubts, the world is a stressful, sometimes terrifying place.

    When you take time to clear your mental space, suddenly everything feels easier. Without the heavy burden of anxiety and rumination, you’re free to simply be—and to see.

    It’s like cleaning a dirty window; all of a sudden, the light comes in, light you didn’t even realize was there.

    What provides this cleaning, clarifying magic? Meditation, and even just ten minutes a day.

    My whole life transformed when I learned that I could free myself from my bully brain, if I made a little time in my daily schedule to be still and silent.

    And that’s not the only benefit of meditation. When practiced regularly, meditation can lead to:

    • Structural changes in the brain associated with enhanced mental performance
    • Reduced stress and its negative impact on the body and mind
    • Improved physical and mental well-being
    • Reduced genetic aging through its protective impact on gene expression and degeneration
    • Increased happiness
    • Enhanced immune function

    If, like me, you want to continually reap these benefits, I highly recommend joining Mindful in May—a one-month campaign starting on May 1, which teaches you to meditate and at the same time helps bring clean water to those in developing countries.

    The Program Includes:

    • Daily guidance with clear, accessible tips on mindfulness meditation
    • Weekly audio meditations
    • Daily motivation and coaching to support your new mindful habit
    • Exclusive interviews with leaders in mindfulness across the globe
    • Your own meditation journal to track your month
    • A one-month curation of inspiring content to nourish your soul and introduce you to world leaders in well-being
    • Healthy, quick recipes to support your wellness and inspire the practice of mindful eating

    If you’d like, you can check out a sample 10-minute meditation here.

    The Cause: Charity Water

    As part of the challenge, you’ll be able to invite friends and family members to sponsor you. One hundred percent of their donations will help bring clean water to the one out of nine people who don’t have access to it.

    As Mindful in May Founder Elise Bialylew wrote:

    In the developed world most of us have our survival needs met, but it’s our minds that can cause so much of our suffering. The World Health Organization predicts that depression will be the second-leading cause of global disability burden by 2020.

    In the developing world, it’s something as basic as a lack of access to clean, safe water that causes so much suffering. Contaminated water is still one of the leading causes of disease and death in the developing world. 

    Last year, participants from twelve counties raised nearly $200,000 for Charity Water, enabling the construction of five wells near Ethiopia and Nepal. This year’s fundraising efforts will bring clean water to Rwanda.

    You can learn more about where your fundraising money goes here.

    —

    Ready to help yourself—and others? Join Mindful and May, tell your friends and family to sponsor you, and help spread this mindful ripple.

  • How Fear Melts Away When We Stop Resisting the Present

    How Fear Melts Away When We Stop Resisting the Present

    Fearful Man

    “Whatever the present moment contains, embrace it as if you had chosen it yourself.” ~Eckhart Tolle

    The second hand on the clock ticked to 12 like a base runner returning home. It was 9:00AM on Monday morning.

    Anxiety set in as I stared at the stack of papers on my desk. Budgets needed to be balanced, new clients needed to be obtained, and advertising campaigns needed to be launched for high-profile brands.

    Everybody needed something. It was my first day as an Advertising Executive and I already knew I was in trouble.

    In a few hours I was scheduled to meet with my first client, a Fortune 500 retail brand.

    I was not new to the advertising world, but I was stepping into a major promotion, and this was the first global account I would be directing alone.

    I was terrified. I arrived early for the meeting and waited nervously in the conference room. It was clear during the meeting that this corporation had high expectations and a low tolerance for mistakes.

    I played it cool, but the heat was on. Inside I felt resistance. “I used to be an artist. Now I’m a business executive?” I thought. “How did I get myself into this?”

    I wanted to run away, but I had nowhere to go. The only way to release my fear, I finally realized, was to change my focus. “Stick with it,” I kept telling myself, even when frustration weighed on me like a ton of bricks. “Stick with it.”

    Human beings have evolved a physiological reaction to avoid danger by any means necessary. This impulse compels us to destroy any threat we face; and if the threat is too big to destroy, we opt for plan B. We run.

    This is known as the fight or flight response, a survival mechanism built into our DNA to ensure we don’t get eaten by tigers or beheaded by cranky neighbors.

    In prehistoric times, this response was valuable for our survival. Fast forward to the 21st Century. Today, in many ways, our cultural dynamics have evolved beyond our biological instincts.

    For example, we no longer face the same daily threats we did in paleo, or even feudal, times. But our egos still react to external conflict, however insignificant, with a fight or flight response, causing us to perceive threats that do not exist. We run away, in many cases, from shadows.

    When facing a legitimate threat, the fight or flight instinct is very helpful. But when no legitimate threat is present, the fight or flight response can create fear and anxiety in situations that don’t require either.

    People (myself included) will often sit down on their couch at home and, in spite of the fact that they are perfectly safe, experience feelings of intense worry and anxiety. This anxiety has the tendency to manifest as either fight or flight. It’s in our biological code.

    If we choose fight, we become abusive to ourselves and those around us. If we choose flight, we become absent and disconnected.

    Why do we tend to feel worry and anxiety, even when we are safe? Because we are allowing our emotions to react to a false narrative. The struggle for survival experienced by our ancestors is embedded into our collective unconscious.

    In modern civilization, this narrative expresses itself as resistance to, among other things, the peace of the present moment. Our worry causes us to over-complicate life.

    “Only fools are happy,” our ego says. “I know something is bound to go wrong. And when it does, I’ll be ready.” We resist the present moment. And whenever we resist, we struggle.

    What you resist, persists. But embracing your struggle is the end of fear.

    Running from your environment is like running from a mirror because you don’t like the unhappy face in the reflection. You can run to a different mirror (and another, and another) but you will continue to see the same unhappy reflection until you stop running and start smiling.

    Your environment will not change until you change first.

    It’s normal to feel stuck, but the more you resist the present moment and try to escape, the more stuck you will feel.

    Instead of running, use each moment, especially the bad ones, to practice being fully present. Living in the moment is a habit. The more you practice, the easier it becomes.

    As you continue to live in the present moment, peace and happiness become effortless. Acceptance of the present moment is the end of fear and anxiety.

    It seemed like an eternity, but only an hour had passed. I looked at the clock. 10:00AM. It was still Monday, my first on the job, and I already wanted out.

    I felt threatened and my fight or flight response kicked in. I wanted to run. But I didn’t. Instead, I took a deep breath, walked to the kitchen for a cup of coffee, walked back to my desk, and took another deep breath. Inhale… exhale… inhale… exhale.

    I dove in and embraced my job with abandon, releasing my ego and accepting the present moment. When things went smoothly, I trusted the flow. When things fell apart, I trusted the flow. When I made mistakes (and I made several), I trusted the flow to find a solution.

    I gave my best effort, and released attachment to results.

    Everything changed. Not only did I stop feeling insecure about my job, but I was soon promoted to a leadership role within the company. Were things perfect? No. But changing my perception caused a ripple effect that changed my thoughts and actions, and my environment changed as a result.

    The culture of my agency didn’t change overnight, but as I chipped away at the resistance within myself, the challenges I faced in my environment disappeared in equal proportion.

    We all face fear. This fear triggers our fight or flight response and causes us to struggle and resist the present moment. What if you tried, instead of running from fear, sticking with it?

    Letting go of resistance, especially when you want to resist the most, puts you in a state of flow, and from a state of flow we tune into a wider perspective and access higher levels of creativity, happiness, and peace.

    The moments in your life flow like a stream. By accepting the flow of the moment as it is, this stream will inevitably guide you to the rivers and oceans of your purpose. And one day you will look back with gratitude on the challenges that elevated your environment to align with your intentions.

    Fearful man image via Shutterstock

  • When You’re Restless Because Every Day Feels the Same

    When You’re Restless Because Every Day Feels the Same

    Bored Man

    “To know yourself as the Being underneath the thinker, the stillness underneath the mental noise, the love and joy underneath the pain, is freedom, salvation, enlightenment.” ~Eckhart Tolle

    Years ago I found my self at a low point. It wasn’t a big, life-changing event that got me there; just a sudden realization that life sucked. Every day of that horrible summer, this question nagged at me: “Is this as good as it gets?”

    My sons were very young then and always happy, a joy to be around. My marriage was healthy and my husband was doing great. The problem was me—my pain body had attached itself to this feeling of “Is this all there is?”

    I spent many hours on my couch trying not to look like I was in this funk in front of my boys so they wouldn’t feel any negativity.

    I plodded along with everyday things, such as driving them to friends’ houses and joining my friends for lunch, but I lived with this underlying resentment that was consuming me, swallowing me up like a dark cloud.

    It felt like I had reached a point in life where I knew it all (of course, I hadn’t even scratched the surface), and I’d figured everything out, and now what? 

    I would get up every morning and go through my routine, part of which involved making my bed.

    When I was feeling this way and I was lost in my own perception of things, I would look at our bed as I put it together and have a sense of ugh! Here I am, making this bed again to have the same predictable day only to get into it again tonight and start all over tomorrow.

    WHAT’S IT ALL FOR?  

    This question nagged at me as I made sure the pillows lined up and ran my hands over the duvet to smooth it to non-wrinkled perfection. Yuk! What did it matter? Why did I care? Was this it? Would I just stay on my little path with these little details until I die?

    I couldn’t find my way back to happiness. I was stuck. Thankfully, the Universe and my free will started to show me another side.

    A friend opened my eyes to a different perspective and I started to re-think all of my negative thoughts. She helped me see everything around me with new eyes instead of taking it all for granted.

    I felt an opening of my soul and realized that there was so much more than I had previously allowed into my life. Just the fact that I was open to receive this better, more positive way of viewing my life made me happier.

    Within weeks I started gardening and got lost in the outdoors and the smell of the Earth.

    I was emerging as a more enlightened soul, lighter, taking on the day and feeling excited to do simple things—things that I had not considered doing for a long time, such as hiking and just sitting in the grass for hours.

    As part of my morning routine, I started meditating in my yard, then doing yoga in the glorious sun. My whole perception of my life turned around and I reveled in each day, so happy to be here in this beautiful place, having this amazing experience.

    Filled with love for my family, myself, and just about everyone and everything, I had transformed. And just like that, I left behind that persistent question, “What’s it all for?”

    Now I knew what it all was for—to experience love, to give it, to receive it, to relate to the Universe and others as part of the sum of everything imaginable.

    My life situation hadn’t changed; I hadn’t moved away or started a new career. I didn’t seek therapy or join any club. I simply changed my perception about my life. I saw things with new eyes and realized how closed off I had become.

    I have never again allowed myself to go to that dark place, as I am still high on life, with all of its simple pleasures and splendor. I walk around this beautiful lake every morning and marvel at nature and how perfect it is. I find ten miracles before breakfast, and I am living a life of joy. 

    I make my bed every morning, and I always make sure to run my hand over the duvet to make it smooth. I line up the pillows and spend a minute so it looks neat. I think about the day and how amazing it is that I can create whatever I choose.

    With a feeling of being blessed, I have deep gratitude for everything in my life. And then I think, “Wow, I’m about to have a great day and then end up back here back in my bed with my husband! How awesome is that?”

    Recognize that your thoughts represent just one possible way to perceive your circumstances. Write down all the great things in your life and decide to throw away any negative, self-limiting thoughts.

    It’s your choice how you see your life, so see it as a beautiful gift and take on each day with love in your heart and a smile on your face.

    Bored man image via Shutterstock

  • How to Stop Believing You’re Not Good Enough

    How to Stop Believing You’re Not Good Enough

    Insecure

    “All that we are is the result of what we have thought. The mind is everything. What we think we become.” ~Buddha

    Have you ever heard the phrase “your thoughts create your reality”? Have you ever wondered what this means?

    Go back to your childhood and recall a time when you got into trouble. I am sure you have at least one of these memories. This doesn’t have to be a major event. It can just be a time where you were scolded for knocking over your drink.

    Now remember your parents’ reaction. Were they angry or frustrated? Did they yell or give you an annoyed look? Did they send you to your room?

    How did it make you feel? Most likely you felt like you did something really bad or that you were bad.

    This feeling, multiplied by all your other similar experiences, created a belief within you. Through this belief you probably, without your knowledge, created a reality of being bad or not good enough.

    Now fast forward to the present and watch these memories from a new perspective. Have your friends join in. What are your thoughts now? What reactions do they have?

    Through different eyes, through different perspectives, we see and experience different realities.

    Here is a personal experience of mine. I was maybe six or seven, and my family and I were sitting around the kitchen table frosting cookies. This was an annual event at our house. We had all the colors of the rainbow of sugary, spreadable, delectable frosting.

    I was using the green frosting, spreading it oh so carefully on my cookie. When I was finished with the green I set the knife back into the frosting bowl. The knife, not secure in its vessel, tipped backward, sliding gracefully out of the bowl with a loud and splattering of green onto the linoleum floor.

    I don’t remember exactly what my mother said but I do remember her being upset, and I remember feeling like I really messed up and ruined things for my mother and the rest of my family. 

    This experience, along with other similar childhood situations, created a belief that if I did something wrong I would make someone angry or ruin a situation—essentially, I would be bad.

    So what did I do? Whatever I could to not elicit a reaction, including staying silent.

    Now we are going to fast-forward to the present. I can look back at this situation with new eyes. I didn’t do anything wrong. I didn’t ruin the situation, and my mother wasn’t mad at me or even angry.

    The knife was too heavy and long for the shallow bowl, which caused it to tip. It was beyond my control.

    My mother’s reaction was one of frustration not because of green frosting on her easily moppable floor, but probably because she had a long day taking care of four kids and a house and was stuck in an unhappy marriage.

    Similar scenarios often happen to us as adults. I am a natural introvert. Walls are my friend.

    In a crowd of people I usually remain in the shadows, merely observing the happenings around me. In my observations I will notice groups of people maybe glancing in my direction while continuing to talk.

    My thoughts then go into super sensitive mode and create stories of being talked about. My thoughts go on an imaginative ride of insults and attacks, all on me, by those people across the way.

    Now I feel attacked. I am no longer having fun. I no longer want to be where I am.

    My thoughts created a false reality out of nothing. My thoughts had no basis in fact, yet they created a reality for me, true or not.

    Perspective can change the reality of any situation. Really, what is reality but an experience? And if everyone has a different experience from a different perspective, then doesn’t that mean there isn’t just one reality? That reality results from the arbitrary thoughts of many people?

    If we can acknowledge that each person’s thoughts and memories of a same experience are different, then can’t we admit that our thoughts of our experience are no more valid than the next person’s?

    If we have formed opinions about ourselves through the eyes of our thoughts and we have concluded that thoughts have no basis in truth, then aren’t our opinions of ourselves based solely on our thoughts, not truth?

    Is it possible to re-look at our thoughts and see them as just thoughts formed from different perspectives of memories?

    Are you willing to redefine your opinion that you’re not good enough with re-formed thoughts of being more than enough?

    Can you choose to see your thoughts as the controlling factor of your self-worth?

    If you can acknowledge that they are arbitrary thoughts, then the reality formed by said arbitrary thoughts are no more valid than a stranger’s thoughts about you.

    From here on out choose your thoughts wisely, because in some way they will be your reality.

    Insecure man image via Shutterstock

  • Just Breathe: A Message from Children on the Power of Mindfulness

    Just Breathe: A Message from Children on the Power of Mindfulness

    Just breathe. Such simple advice, and yet it can be so tough to remember when we feel caught up in our emotions. Imagine what the world would be like if we all learned the power of mindfulness as kids. Imagine what it would be like if we all made an effort to practice this as adults.

  • When All You Can Do is Breathe

    When All You Can Do is Breathe

    Just Breathe

    “Don’t try to change anything at all, just breathe and let go. Breathe and let be… in your mind and in your heart, give yourself permission to allow this moment to be exactly as it is, and allow yourself to be exactly as you are.” ~Jon Kabat-Zinn

    I watched him breathe. In. Out. In. Out. Sometimes I’d move closer to his tiny body in his hospital bed just to see if I could get him to move a bit, wanting to boost the comfort of in and out with a roll to the side or an eye flicker.

    This all reminded me of five years before, when he was a newborn and I’d do the same thing. You know about this if you’re a parent or you’ve ever cared for an infant. Sometimes you just need to watch them breathe.

    We say, I suppose, that it’s to make sure they don’t die of SIDS, but I also think that it’s to make sure they actually exist at all. Someone, something, the Universe, trusted me with this little person and here he is. How did that happen?

    But of course now I was really watching my son to make sure he didn’t die. In a few short days, he’d gone from seeming a bit under the weather to barely breathing.

    We were living in the haphazard capital city of Antananarivo, Madagascar and our son had just been diagnosed with Type I Diabetes. Now all of my greatest fears were being realized in the barely existent space between his body and mine. In and out. In and out.

    I’d spent eighteen months in a place where I’d always feared one of my children would get sick or injured or worse. Eighteen months of saying, “Yes, it could happen, but it probably won’t.” Eighteen months out the window because now it was all happening. And we had to wait.

    Wait to see if the one doctor in the entire country capable of treating Type I would ever show. Wait for an air ambulance to South Africa. Wait to see if we’d ever go back to our house (we didn’t). Wait to see if he’d keep breathing. In. Out.

    And then somehow, at some point, the waiting stopped. Here he was—breathing in and out. Here I was beside him—breathing in and out. I don’t even know when exactly it happened, but somehow the rest of the world began to fall away.

    We were just us, in that moment. With nowhere else to go and nothing else to do but wait, we just stopped.

    The heavy weight of stress and fear and sadness and loss was with me, but all emotion existed in that moment alone. What was before seemed forever past, what was ahead faded into mystery. And there we were. In and Out.

    We made our way from the small, ill-equipped hospital in Antananarivo in an old truck with a siren. We passed our neighborhood and his school.

    I saw a friend in her car waiting out the traffic caused by our makeshift ambulance. She looked confused, but resigned. That’s often all you can be in Antananarivo.

    At the airport we boarded a tiny air ambulance on a three-hour flight to Pretoria. Eventually, we were reunited with his siblings and father, my other children and husband. Then we were back in the US. And we were still breathing. In and out.

    There are so many lessons we’ve learned in the last year since this happened—about health, gratitude, love, friendship, family—but only now am I realizing that what mattered most was simply that we kept breathing.

    Because what has happened behind us is gone forever and no matter how much we plan or wish or pray, we’ll never truly know how things will unfold in the days ahead. For those first few hours when my son’s life was on the line, I had a moment of clarity.

    There was no time for doubt or self-judgment. The only anchor was his breath. And as his breath moved, and mine with it, we were fully absorbed in what was happening there in that moment.

    Now I know for sure that more difficult times will come and also more days of happy, silly bliss. I know sometimes it will rain. Sometimes we’ll feel as though the sun will shine forever. We’ll witness loss. We’ll have gains.

    Every day is a series of ins and outs. We think things should stay in a straight line, full speed ahead, but they don’t. They go up and down. In and out.

    How blessed I am now to have seen what it’s like to really breathe, to be so fully absorbed in the in and out of breath as to know that it is the most important thing. Not how you do it, for how long or for why, but simply that you breathe. And when you need it most, the rest will fall away and you’ll have the in and out.

    Sometimes you’ll find it may be all you really need.

    Just breathe image via Shutterstock

  • Release Stress Through Mindfulness: 4 Steps to Emotional Freedom

    Release Stress Through Mindfulness: 4 Steps to Emotional Freedom

    Man Meditating

    “The greatest weapon against stress is our ability to choose one thought over another.” ~William James

    I’ve been meditating for many years, but there are still days when I feel like it’s something I need to tick off my to-do list.

    On some days, particularly when I’m in the middle of a big project, it can feel hard to put even ten minutes aside for meditating. The driven voice in my head tries to convince me that this practice of pausing and connecting with presence is a waste of time.

    It’s a compelling voice, particularly on days when it feels like there are so many urgent things to do. But it’s especially on those days, when I manage to recognize those sabotaging thoughts for what they are, that I find so much benefit from meditating.

    When I sit to meditate on these days, I immediately notice the tightness in my chest and throat and the underlying agitation of my stress. I notice my mind spewing out to-do lists in a way that makes it nearly impossible to resist getting up and just doing it all.

    Then I see what is happening. Ah, agitation is here. By making time for meditation, I get to more consciously connect with myself and my state of being, and I realize that my sense of urgency is actually fuelled from a physical state of tension and stress.

    By the end of my meditation session, my chest open ups, my breath becomes less impeded, my belly softens, and my whole being settles back into a feeling of calm presence.

    I’m grateful that I have this practice that it has taught me how to discern between thoughts that are worth listening to and thoughts that are psychic garbage that needs to be discarded.

    Meditation has taught me how to relate to my thoughts in a completely revolutionary way. I can’t believe this education isn’t mandatory from primary school. I wonder how my life may have been different with this discerning lens on my inner experience.

    Through the practice of meditation, I have come to realize that thoughts can be likened to having a radio on in the background of your mind, and sometimes the channels that you’re tuned into are full of rubbish.

    The difference is that when you’re listening to a radio, if there’s a channel you don’t like, you can easily fix it by changing the station. However, for many of us, when it comes to our thought stream, we sit there tuned in, immersed in a toxic running commentary without changing the station.

    Until I learned the practice of mindfulness meditation I was a prisoner of my own thoughts. When you believe that all your thoughts are truth, your beliefs and stories can limit your possibilities and potential.

    As Gandhi stated:

    “Your beliefs become your thoughts. Your thoughts become your words. Your words become your actions. Your actions become your habits. Your habits become your values. Your values become your destiny.”

    So how do you know which thoughts are valuable and which thoughts you should disregard?

    It’s usually the negative thoughts that have a particular power to affect our destiny. So, next time you are having a thought that feels self-critical, judgmental, worried, or stressed, take a mindful moment, pause, and ask yourself if this thought is supporting you to be the person you want to be, and live in the way you want to live.

    Recognize the emotion below the thought that might be driving that type of thinking. Is there fear, overwhelm, stress, hurt, anxiety, shame, or anger?

    By getting to the root of the emotion behind the thought, you can then make wiser decisions about how to respond to what is triggering that emotion rather than stay captive to unproductive thought loops.

    How to Find Emotional Freedom Through Mindfulness

    1. Be aware.

    Notice when you are thinking something that is negative or creating emotional discomfort. Then ask yourself: is this thought moving me toward or away from what I value and how I want to be living?

    2. Let go.

    If you discover the thought is moving you away from who you want to be and how you want to live, simply let it go. Unhook from the toxic radio station in your mind that is sending you unhelpful messages. Realize that this thought is just a thought and not an authority.

    3. Be gentle with yourself.

    Take a moment to bring compassion to yourself as you recognize and uncover the underlying emotion that is fueling these negative, unhelpful thought streams.

    4. Understand how your mind works.

    Remind yourself that the nature of the mind is to think. It is constantly producing thoughts, some of which are creative and inspired and others that are holding you captive and bringing you down. Realize that you don’t have to believe every thought that comes into your mind.

    Mindfulness, that capacity to be aware of what is happening from moment to moment, helps you guard your own mind so you can carefully choose which thoughts you let influence your choices and life.

    Man meditating at sunset image via Shutterstock

  • A Simple Way to Be Present and Live Life to the Fullest

    A Simple Way to Be Present and Live Life to the Fullest

    Couple Talking

    “As soon as you honor the present moment, all unhappiness and struggle dissolve, and life begins to flow with joy and ease. When you act out the present-moment awareness, whatever you do becomes imbued with a sense of quality, care, and love—even the most simple action.” ~Eckhart Tolle

    People have always told me to stay in the present and make every moment count. I nod my head, manage to stay present for about an hour, and then alternate between living in the past and the future.

    It can be a struggle to stay in the now, especially when life seems better in the past.

    I am at a huge crossroad in my life, which adds to the struggle of being fully present. Next year I will leave my hometown, where I’ve lived all my life, and move by myself to an unknown city.

    It’s easy for me to get caught up worrying about the future. How am I going to support myself? What will my career path be? What If I never find someone to make a life with?

    Even though my life is about to drastically change, I know now that I need to enjoy every moment and grasp it right when it’s happening.

    Last summer an unexpected stranger taught me a valuable lesson about staying in the present and living to my fullest potential.

    In June, I went to an intense music festival. I am a violist, and during this time, I traveled to upstate New York to meet with fellow musicians and spend eight hours each day practicing and rehearsing for upcoming concerts.

    I was surrounded by thirty of the best string players in the in the country. It was an intense and nerve-wracking experience showing up the first day, not knowing what to expect and wondering how I was going to keep up.

    When I arrived, I tentatively went through the lunch line. I handed my lunch card to a middle-aged worker and scanned the cafeteria anxiously. “Good Morning, Angela,” he said. “So nice to have you here.”

    Bob handed back my card and smiled at me genuinely. His kindness jolted me into the present and warmed my heart. I felt lighter after that and continued my day feeling thankful.

    I ate eighty-four meals at that cafeteria, and Bob always asked me how my day was going, listened, and offered thoughtful responses, even though there were people behind me,

    In three days, he knew every camper’s name, and he even remembered the names of campers that had come years before.

    He wasn’t a huge part of my life, but Bob is one of my biggest role models. He didn’t have the most glamorous job, but he always showed up with a smile on his face and was never rude or impatient. He made every day a little brighter for us.

    I wondered why Bob wasn’t doing a grander job. It seemed like he would excel at public relations or maybe even sales. My friends later informed me that Bob used to be a professor at the university, but was forced to resign after acquiring an unfortunate illness and started to work in the cafeteria.

    Life doesn’t always work out how you think it’s going to turn out. I’m sure Bob never thought that after earning a PhD, he’d work in a cafeteria setting, but what inspired me was the fact that he didn’t let his circumstances derail him.

    Bob fully committed to his job and made many people’s day better at breakfast, lunch, and dinner.

    It amazed me that Bob always seemed to intently listen to my response about my day.

    I’ve recognized that I always want to sound like the smartest person in the room. Instead of actively listening to people and giving them the full attention they deserve, I think about next intelligent thing I can say.

    Now, I try to actively listen to people and fully give them my attention. I have found active listening to a wonderful tool for staying in the present.

    Since last summer, I strive to enjoy every little moment. I live intensely in the present and try to not worry about the past or future. I think we could all stand to do that more. Enjoy your morning tea. Cherish laughing with your friends. Notice the scenery while driving to school.

    Also, remember that while that you may have a “boring” job, you can affect people in a positive way if you try to make the best of it. Bob changed my life and he doesn’t even know much about me besides my name and camp experience. That’s power right there.

    The most important lesson Bob taught me about staying in the present is that happiness is a choice. You can be in any life situation, but it’s your decision if you want to be happy. Happiness isn’t defined by an external event but rather an internal attitude.

    So yeah, I don’t know where I am going to live in a year, who I am going to meet, and what I will be doing. You know what I do know? I know that I will make every moment count and live it to the fullest.

    I will appreciate everything and see the light, because even if you are scanning teenager cafeteria cards all summer, you can still have a smile on your face.

    Couple talking image via Shutterstock

  • Living in the Moment: 10 Paths to Presence

    Living in the Moment: 10 Paths to Presence

    Meditation

    “To see a world in a grain of sand and a heaven in a wild flower, hold Infinity in the palm of your hand and eternity in an hour.” ~William Blake

    How often do we just wake up and hit the ground running, and forget the wistful dreams of the night before? How often do we just go through life bored and disgruntled in the aisles of a department store? How often do we take experiences for granted, journeying jaded through mundane moments like traveling in an airplane?

    I hate flying—the sickness in my stomach, the cramped seats, the stifling contained air, not to mention long layovers and even longer security checks. In this day and age when traveling is routine rather than pleasure, everyone seems to have become been-there-done-that travelers, immune to the experience of flying like a bird in the sky.

    On one such mundane return trip, I picked a window seat right above the right wing of the plane. My view, while we were getting ready to take off was of the four-blade propeller slowly whipping itself up into a whir like that of a hummingbird’s wings.

    We cruised to the head of the runway and paused, almost like a kingfisher on a branch, taking a breath before swooping down for a silvery fish. That pause jolted me into the present, readying me for a sacred moment.

    And then it happened—the wheels lifted off the ground, the great plane rose up gently, making its way up, up, up in the air, slowly withdrawing its legs and wheels and folding them away for later.

    I felt like I was flying on the wings of an albatross, watching its steely legs lifting off, its haunches folding, tucking its legs and feet in neatly, its body prepared for flight.

    As the nose of the plane parted its way through thick, fleecy clouds, it seemed like the albatross was blinking its eyes against the blinding winds, firmly determined to make its way through the cloud cover until it could see the burst of sunshine that exploded in brilliance.

    I blinked back my own surprise tears when I realized some fell on my forearm, which brought me back to the earthly plane again, of the buzz of people’s voices, the pings of the seat-belt-off signs, and the rattle of the stewardess’s bar cart down the aisle.

    I’ve had a few such moments of awe, that make time stand still, my heart stop beating, and my eyes well up with tears. They come like grace unasked. They don’t last long, but when they come I feel like I’m in the palm of the universe, if only for a few minutes.

    Mystical moments are not just for Merlins on the mountains. Every day we can experience such grandeur, when we connect with the universe so completely that we lose any sense of identity of our own individual selves. We become pure consciousness.

    When we can dwell in this state of being longer and longer, we naturally become mindful of aha moments, mini-moments of awakening, and make a path to presence.

    Even though we can’t create such experiences, we can prepare for them, to make ourselves available for such exquisite sacredness in everyday moments. The more we practice, the more we allow such profound occurrences.

    Here are ten practices that have worked for me:

    1. Play

    Our minds are always working overtime to judge anything that happens around us—an event, a person, a remark, pros and cons. Instead, try to go with the flow without judging. Simply play, without putting a price on it. It helps us take in life as it comes to us, and works wonders on making our lives so much easier to live!

    2. Perspective

    Nothing resets our perspective like watching the stars at night, or the moon rise, or walking along a wide expanse of water. Create such moments for yourself. Make a date with the sunrise. Some of the best shows in town are courtesy of Mother Nature.

    3. Pauses

    The busier we get, the more important it is for us to find time to do nothing, and just be. Slowly learn to build pockets of nothing into your everyday, when you can shut off everything and simply walk away from what you’re doing, for a few minutes, or for a day, or for a few days.

    Pauses in your doing will invite more “being” into your life, which will allow you to align with the center of your self—your Being.

    4. Poetry

    Or music, or dance, or whatever else you find beauty in. Art, when we’re immersed in it, is prayer. There’s a reason why all mystical traditions explore some kind of art to induce ecstasy. Write, sing, dance!

    5. Pleasure

    Following our joys is an easy path to creating more such joys in our life. We can get lost in reading, or walking in the woods, or racecar driving. Relentlessly pursue joy.

    6. Pen and Paper

    Something happens in the act of writing with a pen on a paper, if we take the time to journal about our everyday experiences. The moments seem to come alive with their messages when we take the time to examine them, wonder about them, and write them down. Writing gives voice to what the experience is trying to tell us.

    7. Pictures

    Our soul speaks in pictures and symbols. Some of our most mystical messages may come through our dreams because that’s when we’re relaxed enough to let them in. Keep a pen and a pad next to bed. You may be surprised how many dreams you’ll remember once you start writing them down.

    8. Patterns

    Noticing patterns is fun. We can get lost for hours in fractals, mandalas, and puzzles if we allow it. Synchronicities are also patterns—they’re patterns of coincidence. Notice them, treasure them, because they are guiding signs that we’re in connection with the universe.

    9. -Pathy

    Ok, I cheated -Pathy is not a real word, but I wanted to keep the flow going with the P-words! Empathy and sympathy can create real connection with another person if we allow it. In Thoreau’s words, there is no greater miracle than to look through each other’s eyes for an instant.

    Whenever you have an opportunity for a real connection, acknowledge it, use it. Don’t avoid it and go back to your phones and screens.

    10. Ponder

    And last, but not least: ponder, wonder, meditate, contemplate. Meditation is like stepping away from your mind. It’s not important how long you meditate, but how often.

    When you merge into meditation is when you allow for mystical experiences to come through. Plus (and it’s a big plus), the practice of meditation helps create true inner peace. That alone is reason enough!

    –

    These are my ten paths to presence—the secrets to seeing the world in a grain of sand, heaven in a wild flower, and eternity in a single hour. I’d love to hear about your favorite practices to find presence in your daily life.

    Meditation image via Shutterstock

  • Engaging in the Moment Instead of Wanting to Be Somewhere Else

    Engaging in the Moment Instead of Wanting to Be Somewhere Else

    Savoring the Moment

    “Happiness is enjoying the moment for what it is, not what it could be or should be.” ~Unknown

    Many of us have been there…

    The alarm goes off. In anger, we strike the wretched machine in hopes of getting a few more precious minutes of beauty sleep.

    It’s Monday again. The weekend is over and it will be another five days—120 hours, 7,200 minutes, 432,000 seconds—until we throw up our hands again in triumph and say, “Thank goodness it’s Friday!”

    We’ve often committed ourselves to the lie that Monday must be terrible. In the U.S., the very idea of hating Mondays is ingrained in our pop culture.

    Be it the comic cat Garfield with a disgruntled look upon his drooping whiskers lamenting over Monday’s arrival, or the nineties movie Office Space with its well known line “Somebody’s got a case of the Mondays,” there’s a prevailing notion that we must dread this day.

    But this post isn’t about promoting the greatness of Monday, or promoting Monday as the new Friday. This post is about our craving for insular moments of fun.

    We view weekdays, moments that we have to wait in line, time spent commuting or working, and other seemingly mundane experiences as unbearably wretched.

    We believe that we must endure these moments to seek out a bit of fun. It is my belief that this craving may be causing us harm. That it’s causing us to disengage from the world before us, and it may even prevent us from being happy.

    We wake up on Monday craving the weekend’s return. But it’s Monday—not Friday. Not some fun moment that we eagerly await, but simply Monday.

    If we spend so much of our Monday morning investing our thoughts and emotions in a day that has yet to and perhaps will never come to pass, then we are investing our energy into emptiness.

    We are ruining the potential for serenity in the current moment. We are refusing to accept that we are subject to the changing of the days (among many other things), and rather than being in the current moment, we are breaking the potential for serenity by diverting our attention toward the intangible.

    If it’s our craving for an innumerable amount of things that causes us to drift away from the present and ruin our potential for happiness, how do we divorce ourselves from our desire?

    In other words, how do we become engaged in the moment? I think there is no single answer to this question, but one answer may be found in oranges.

    Yes, oranges. Namely, what Vietnamese teacher and Zen practitioner Thich Nhat Hanh has to say about oranges.

    “Take an orange and hold it in your palm…The orange tree has taken three, four, or six months to make such an orange for you. It is a miracle. Now the orange is ready and says, ‘Here I am for you.’ But if you are not present you will not hear it. When you are not looking at the orange in the present moment, the orange is not present either.”

    Thich Nhat Hanh’s words certainly make for a wonderfully deep Dole ad, but I think he’s simply talking about the beauty in the world around us.

    Oranges, like so many things, are so easy to take for granted. So easy to ignore, really. I know it sounds strange to many of us to open the fridge and say, “Wow, look at this orange. It took a while for this orange to grow for my consumption. Amazing!”

    However, it’s also strange to be caught up in craving things that aren’t there when we can’t appreciate the tangible and simple beauty of an orange in our hand.

    Maybe that’s where the answer lies. That being engaged in the moment only requires us to truly see everything around us.

    Rather than curse Monday morning, embrace it.

    From the moment we wake up, many of us have an unimaginable amount of possibilities for engagement and enjoyment.

    We could get up and do jumping jacks. We could doodle something we had dreamed the previous night on a scrap piece of paper. Or we could just simply watch the sunrise and all its complex brilliance.

    All this is there for so many of us, and all we have to do is be there to enjoy it.

    I have lived my whole life as the man hitting the alarm clock in anger, hating Monday’s return and anxiously awaiting the weekend.

    I have lived my whole life holding the orange, but was never present as I consumed something so wonderful. However, cancer changed all that for me.

    Nearly two and a half years ago my wife was diagnosed with a very rare and deadly form of cancer. Though I do not entirely bear the burden of this disease, I certainly share it.

    Before the burden of cancer, we had an active social life. Our week was often filled with social gatherings, sightseeing, and much more. However, my wife’s disease prevented us from taking part in the exciting social life we once had.

    When the weekly yet insular moments of fun were taken away from us, the initial sting of this deprivation was devastating. Weeks turned into months and months into years of these insular moments becoming less and less frequent.

    At first I blamed cancer for what seemed like the death of happiness in our life, then I blamed others. But as time went on, I realized I was to blame for the disturbance in serenity.

    Now, there is no doubt that cancer is the trigger for so much of our suffering, but it was I who perpetuated it. Instead of enjoying something as precious and simple as holding my wife’s hand, I was holding on to hope for a rekindled social life.

    Rather than enjoy the taste of a meal we had made together, I was craving the taste of beer at one of our social gatherings.

    But I now believe happiness isn’t found at the bottom of a beer glass. It isn’t found at the end of the week. All that stuff is fun, but happiness, I believe, is something far more rich and yet very simple.

    It’s as simple as putting aside our yearning for something else and just engaging in the moment we are currently in.

    Enjoying the sun image via Shutterstock

  • Stop Feeling Frazzled: A Powerful Guide to Reducing Stress (and a Giveaway!)

    Stop Feeling Frazzled: A Powerful Guide to Reducing Stress (and a Giveaway!)

    The Mindful Way Through StressUpdate – The winners for this giveaway have been chosen:

    In my high school yearbook’s class prophecy, it was predicted that I would one day write and star in a one-woman show about my life called “Stress.”

    I was chronically frazzled—in a constant state of panic about everything I had to do and had already done but may not have done well enough.

    I overextended myself, took very little time to nurture my emotional and mental well-being, and frequently felt like I was about to snap.

    In fact, I even broke a stress ball once from excessive squeezing. It was made for that, but apparently not with the force in my freakishly strong little hand.

    Fortunately, I eventually discovered mindfulness, which was life-changing for me. It helped me step outside of my anxious thoughts so I could respond to life more consciously and calmly.

    Since I’ve been more stressed than usual as of late—and I’ve needed a reminder of how to effectively manage my emotions—I was thrilled to receive a copy of Shamash Alidina’s new book, The Mindful Way Through Stress.

    The subtitle promises a proven eight-week path to health, happiness, and well-being—and the book delivers!

    It’s clear that Shamash is not only an expert on mindfulness, but he’s also quite passionate about helping others respond wisely to life’s inevitably stressors instead of getting caught in a frenzy of reaction.

    I highly recommend The Mindful Way Through Stress to anyone who’d like to find more peace within the chaos of daily life.

    It is, hands down, the most helpful guide I’ve read in a long while, and one I will certainly reference whenever I need a little help dealing with life’s inevitable challenges.

    I’m grateful that Shamash took the time to provide some incredibly detailed answers to my questions about stress and mindfulness, and that he’s provided two free copies of The Mindful Way Through Stress for Tiny Buddha readers.

    The Giveaway

    To enter to win one of two free copies of The Mindful Way Through Stress:

    • Leave a comment below
    • For an extra entry, tweet: Enter the @tinybuddha giveaway to win a free copy of The Mindful Way Through Stress http://bit.ly/1M3wBvL

    You can enter until midnight PST on Friday, March 6th.

    The Interview

     1. What brought you to your career as a mindfulness teacher and coach?

    I originally got interested due to stress. The stress for me when I was in college, aged twenty, came from a combination of workload and confusion.

    I didn’t know what to do. I was halfway though a degree that I didn’t enjoy (Chemical Engineering), and working toward a job I knew I didn’t want (working in the Oil Industry).

    Then, my fortunes changed. I came across a class in “practical philosophy” in which the teacher guided a short mindfulness meditation. I was pleasantly shocked!

    Just a short few minutes and I’d gone from feeling frazzled to focused. Wow! Why hadn’t anyone taught me this technique years ago?

    I resolved from that day on to teach mindfulness to as many children and adults that I could.

    I started by teaching in a school for eight years, where all the children had time to practice mindfulness and meditation. And then I moved on to focusing on just teaching adults mindfulness full-time.

    Training mindfulness teachers to embody both awareness and compassion, for themselves and their students, is my passion.

    2. Your book presents a self-help version of mindfulness-based stress reduction. Can you tell us a little about MBSR and how mindfulness helps with stress?

    Mindfulness-based Stress Reduction was developed in the late seventies by Dr. Jon Kabat-Zinn and his colleagues at UMASS Medical School. He asked his colleagues, doctors, to send him their most challenging patients—those that they felt they could no longer help using modern medicine.

    He put together an eight-week course, which comprised of guided meditations, mindful yoga stretches, and group dialogue around managing stress and living life in a mindful way.

    His experiments worked. The groups reported huge reduction not only in stress, but also reductions in anxiety, depression, and chronic pain, and a greater feeling of control of their lives.

    Even more encouragingly, these positive reports of stress reduction from patients continued even three years after they’d done the MBSR program.

    So naturally, MBSR began to spread, first, across the US and now, worldwide. Hundreds of thousands of people have probably done the program now, if not millions.

    Stress is a complex subject, and so the path to relieving it is not straightforward. However, there’s a few key, powerful ways in which mindfulness can reduce stress.

    Mindfulness helps you to switch off your normal, habitual, automatic reactions to the stressors you face.

    If you’re living mindlessly, you don’t even know how stressed you are.

    A friend of mine recently started practicing mindfulness and has discovered his body is riddled in tension and is now slowly beginning to relax. Without mindfulness, he’d still be going around with this chronic tension in his body.

    So with mindfulness you can see if you’re getting excessively stressed early, and step out of that stream. You know how to rest your mind and body. Without mindfulness, you don’t have access to that.

    Mindfulness makes your brain more resilient to stress.

    People who have practiced mindfulness have brains that don’t seem to ruminate so much; they can spot negative, repetitive thinking earlier, and step out of it. Or sometimes, worries just don’t seem to take hold. Sounds good, doesn’t it?

    Mindfulness naturally engages the relaxation response in your body.

    This is a hard-wired system. By combining mindful awareness with a sense of warmth toward different sensations, emotions, or even situations in your life, the stress inevitably eases.

    You make fewer mistakes.

    If you’re rushing around mindlessly, you’re going to bump into a lot of things, both physically and metaphorically. So many of us are running through life, causing more problems as a result. The running is due to fear of missing out, or being imperfect.

    Mindfulness shows you how to access a peace within so you don’t have to run for it everywhere you go. By discovering a different way of operating, which everyone can do step-by-step, you meet life with greater calm, peace, joy, and freedom.

    But remember, stress by itself is not bad. Stress is a problem if it’s sustained for too long and feels like it’s too much for you. See the positive aspects of stress—how it energizes you and gets you going. Seeing stress negatively makes things worse.

    Make friends with stress! Stress is inevitable. Just use mindfulness to take regular breaks from your stress to recharge yourself. Then out you go again!

    3. What are the problems with living on autopilot?

    Living on autopilot is great for planes, but not for human beings.

    When we were babies and young children, we didn’t really live on autopilot. We lived each day fresh, alive, in the moment. That’s a natural way to be.

    But the human brain is clever. To save energy, rather than keeping your conscious, it switches off consciousness for any repeated activity.

    Eventually your whole life is one big autopilot experience. You’re like a robot. And this kind of living reduces your joy and freedom tremendously.

    The thing is, living consciously is so enjoyable once you discover how! The feeling of your own body is beautiful. Just experiencing sitting and breathing can be blissful.

    The present moment really is a wonderful moment once you discover how to penetrate the crust of thoughts that is pasted over everything.

    You can do it. Everyone can do it. You just need to create the right environment, follow the right instructions, and bring the right attitude—patience, kindness, curiosity, and allow the mindfulness and compassion to rise.

    Just as the sun rises in the morning, bringing light and warmth, so your life becomes a joy as mindfulness and compassion grow. By prioritizing mindfulness practice in your life, you can experience this.

    4. With our increasingly busy lives, many of us end up multitasking and feeling stressed as a result. How can we challenge this instinct to multitask without falling behind with everything we need to do?

    The busier you are, the slower you need to go. Watch people like the Dalai Lama—do you see him rushing around in a panic? Yet, he’s constantly teaching, coaching, serving. He’s probably much busier than you or me.

    The urge to multitask is powerful. And if you’re on autopilot, you’ve got no chance to release yourself from the hold of phones, computers, and tablets. In our digital age, mindfulness is essential to prevent you being swept in an ocean of information and people wanting to connect.

    Try small steps like keeping your digital devices out of the bedroom. Or keep them off in the evenings. But try and take a bigger step if you can—leave your phones behind on vacation. Take one day off every week totally free of multi-tasking. A digital detox day!

    Here’s one approach you can take to dealing with an excessively long to-do list:

    • Before going to bed, jot down all the key things you wish to complete the next day.
    • Prioritize them. What’s number 1? What’s number 2? Rewrite the tasks in the correct order. Put mindfulness at the top of the list!
    • The next day, resist the urge to check emails, Facebook messages, Twitter, etc. By resisting this urge, it diminishes. Just because you have a compulsion to check your messages, you don’t need to actually check them—they can wait.
    • Do the task you need to complete, in the order you set out. And write down the time you start and finish each task. Having a written record will help you to see how you’re really using your time. It’s more power than it sounds—do try it out!
    • Between tasks, practice mindfulness. Feel some breaths, go for a mindful walk, slowly and consciously drink a glass of water, or stretch. These breaks with rejuvenate you and make you finish your tasks sooner (so you have more time to meditate every day).

    5. You wrote, “Emotions are not problems to be solved. They are experiences to be felt.” Can you elaborate a little on this?

    This is a very important point to understand. Misunderstanding how to manage emotions is at the root of so much human suffering.

    Let’s take the example of feeling sad. If you’re feeling sad, what do you do? If you’re on autopilot, you try to fix it. You may think, “I must feel better.” So you go off and try and cheer yourself up. You don’t let yourself actually feel the sadness.

    Now, that may work or may not. If it works for you, great. But what if it doesn’t work? What if partying with your friends doesn’t make you feel better? Or calling your sister doesn’t seem to lift the mood?

    Well, your next thought will probably be, “Oh no. I’m still feeling sad. I must try something else. I must try harder.” Eventually, this turns into thoughts like, “What’s wrong with me? I should be happy.’

    All this is hard work. You work harder and harder to fix your mood. But that’s not what your emotion wants.

    Emotions need skillful awareness and care. Just like a young child needs attention and love to grow in a healthy way, so do emotions. So you need to feel the emotion.

    Feel the emotion in your body. Notice its shape, maybe its color or texture. And bring some feeling of care toward the feeling. Place your warm hand on the sensation. Breathe and feel the emotion.

    You can even speak gently to the emotion and ask, “What do want to say to me?”

    One of my students did this the other day, and the response was a clear: “Slow down!” She discovered that she needs to slow down the pace of her life or things will get worse. That’s wisdom in action.

    So emotions don’t need to be fixed or pushed away. They need to be gently felt—then they’ll dissolve and pass away in their own time.

    6. Why do we tend to dwell on the negative, and how can we challenge this instinct to minimize our stress?

    If you had a lovely day all day, but for one minute someone said to you, “You’re a complete idiot! You’re stupid, useless, and a waste of space!” then you’ll remember that. You’ll think about that much more than the thousands of other minutes that were absolutely lovely.

    That’s because our brains are evolved to be like Teflon for positive experiences and Velcro for negative experiences.

    Scientists think this focus on negativity, called negativity bias, is a way to ensure we survive—if you spotted a tiger on the way back to your cave, you need to be able to remember that! If not, next time you could be dinner!

    You’re probably not reading this blog in a jungle. So, you need to re-balance your brain. The solution: find your favorite daily way to focus on what’s going well in your life. This could be combined with your daily meditation practice.

    At the end of the practice, ask yourself, “What’s going well in my life?” Or, “What’s awesome about me?” Or, “How have I been a nice person today/yesterday/this week?”

    Ask yourself positive questions like those above, and they’ll draw positive thoughts and emotions from within you.

     7. What is one simple mindfulness exercise anyone can do whenever they’re feeling stressed?

    This is a powerful one for most people, originally developed by meditation teacher, Ajahn Brahm:

    • Sit comfortably and close your eyes.
    • Imagine you’re holding two heavy suitcases in your hand. The left one represents your past and all your experiences, both positive and the regrets. And the right one represents your future and all your hopes, dreams, worries, and anxieties.
    • Feel the weight of holding these bags around all day. It’s tiring. You need a break from time to time.
    • Lower down the bag in your left hand, onto the ground. Enjoy the feeling of letting go as the weight transfers to the ground.
    • Lower down the bag in your right hand, representing your future.
    • Enjoy staying in between the past and future, in the present moment. What a relief that is!
    • Connect with any present moment experience. Your body, your breath, sounds around you.
    • When you feel you’ve had a rest and ready to resume, you can re-engage in your everyday activities. Ideally with some more mindful awareness and kindness to yourself and those you meet.

    You can learn more about The Mindful Way Through Stress on Amazon here.

    FTC Disclosure: I receive complimentary books for reviews and interviews on tinybuddha.com, but I am not compensated for writing or obligated to write anything specific. I am an Amazon affiliate, meaning I earn a percentage of all books purchased through the links I provide on this site. 

  • Rethinking Resolutions: One Powerful Intention for the Year Ahead

    Rethinking Resolutions: One Powerful Intention for the Year Ahead

    Man with Raised Arms

    “When we are mindful, deeply in touch with the present moment, our understanding of what is going on deepens, and we begin to be filled with acceptance, joy, peace, and love.” ~Thich Nhat Hanh

    In January, what I desire most is to slow down.

    My heart wants to use the New Year as a time to reflect on the year that has passed by—what felt right, what didn’t feel right, and areas of potential growth. And my mind wants to use the New Year as an opportunity to look ahead and discover the ways in which I can improve myself moving forward, based on insights that I gained looking back.

    In the past, many of my New Year’s resolutions involved behavioral changes that I knew would be beneficial—eating better, exercising more, writing more, waking up earlier. But I often found myself in a mental tug of war with my resolutions.

    I struggled with the future mindset that inevitably comes with setting goals. I found myself striving, wanting, sometimes forcing—the very opposite of mindfulness.

    I haven’t quite found the delicate balance of accepting myself and my present moment while simultaneously working toward future goals.

    How do I accept myself and the present moment as is if I am in a mindset of wanting different for myself? How do I find the balance between tuning into my body and heart and meeting ever-changing needs, and staying consistent with the behaviors I have determined I need to bring into my life?

    I am sure there is an evolved state where self-acceptance and self-improvement can live harmoniously, but I have not yet discovered this state of balance. And that is okay. We are all a work in progress, discovering and starting over every day.

    So this year, I am choosing differently for myself. Instead of a slew of resolutions, I am setting an intention. My intention is to live consciously and compassionately in each moment, whatever that moment may bring. 

    This means listening deeply to myself.

    This means:

    • Resting if I am tired.
    • Moving when my body needs to move.
    • Nourishing myself when I am hungry.
    • Stopping when I am full.
    • Silencing my inner critic.
    • Acting with kindness, toward myself and others.

    And the list could go on and on.

    We may not always be able to meet our needs immediately as they arise, but we can still tune into the messages that our body, mind, and spirit send to us, and honor those. This is the blessing of self-care.

    Cultivating compassionate awareness and making choices accordingly feels so much more freeing than a resolution or a goal. I am free to call forth whatever feels right.

    And most importantly, from this place of consciousness, we can meet each other with true kindness. We can connect with strangers and loved ones with an open heart. We can allow generosity and patience.

    We can be with the people and experiences of our lives in a meaningful, present manner.

    But how do we learn how to listen to ourselves in this way? We are so used to staying in our heads and our thoughts, disconnected from the soul of our internal and external experiences. Here are some possible ways to connect with ourselves more deeply in the new year.

    Not all of these tools might be for you, or maybe you might discover your own. Each of us has to walk our path in the way that feels most comfortable.

    1. Slow down.

    For some, this can feel terrifying! We are used to maintaining a rushed pace, often to distract ourselves or for fear of missing out. Play close attention to when you are moving too fast, or are too busy.

    Consider asking yourself whether there is something you are avoiding in your busyness. Say “No” to activities that aren’t necessary or meaningful to you. Choose consciously to block out time on your schedule for rest.

    Create buffers between activities so you are not rushing, and allow yourself time to transition.

    2. Discover quiet.

    The constant noises of our world—people talking, music playing, kids asking, technology beeping—can be loud and intrusive. The voices in our heads—our constant commentary—can be deafening. Turn the volume down, or better yet, switch to silent mode, and allow yourself to just be.

    This is when you can start to become aware of the forces that operate within you. This is when you can feel the beating of your heart, or the sensation of your breath. This is when you can feel how emotions, desires, and aversions come and go like the tide of the ocean waves.

    3. Experiment with meditation.

    Once you feel comfortable with disconnecting, experiment with how meditation feels. Meditation is a way to observe all of yourself in an intimate way. You might start with a brief sitting practice where you focus on the sensation of breathing for a few minutes.

    Don’t put pressure on yourself to meditate in a certain way. Don’t make it another project or goal that you can fail at. Meditation is called a practice for a reason. Find your entry point and build from there.

     4. Allow self-compassion.

    Being with yourself won’t be very fun if you are always criticizing yourself. Make a pact to only use kind, loving words with yourself, the way you would with a child or a favorite friend. Compassion for yourself improves well-being, and is the foundation from which compassion for others can grow.

    5. Live mindfully.

    Practice immersing yourself in your experiences, in a curious, non-judgmental manner. There are several ways to experiment with mindfulness in your life. Try using all of your senses to consciously connect to a mundane experience.

    For example, while washing the dishes, really listen to the sound of the water, feel the slippery soapiness of the dishes, inhale the scent of dish soap. Using our senses to deepen our experience prevents us from ruminating about an argument with our boss or worrying about tomorrow’s crazy schedule.

    Alternatively, if you find yourself waiting, allow yourself to just wait. Put your device of choice away and focus on your breath, or the sensory experience of being where you are. This moment is the only moment that truly exists. Mindfulness allows us to truly live that moment, deeply and intentionally.

    Man with raised arms image via Shutterstock

  • You Are Not Your Thoughts and Feelings, and They Don’t Have to Bring You Down

    You Are Not Your Thoughts and Feelings, and They Don’t Have to Bring You Down

    Woman in Tree Pose

    “Give me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference. ” ~Reinhold Niebuhr

    Think about the future! Don’t do something you’ll regret! You need to plan for tomorrow! I wish I hadn’t done that! Will things ever work out? Why did they do that? Will I ever find happiness? Why has life made me the way I am? What’s wrong with me?

    Around and around it went inside my mind, a never-ending internal conversation full of questions and uncertainties—the not knowing driving me insane and the desperation increasing every day. I must be able to resolve this, I thought. I need answers. I was overwhelmed by questions, uncertainty, indecision, paralysis, and fear.

    I couldn’t hold on to jobs or relationships. I became depressed, hurt the people I loved, and coped with it all by losing myself in drink and drugs. I was either reckless or petrified. I couldn’t communicate for fear of saying the wrong thing, but I desperately wanted to tell someone.

    The truth is I felt liberated when I couldn’t think. When the internal conversation was either struck dumb or so garbled I could laugh it off, I had some sort of respite.

    Later I would learn that I was self medicating for a generalized anxiety disorder but, at the time, I just knew that being out of my mind was preferable to being in it.

    Change Is Possible When We Act Mindfully

    I was extremely lucky. I live in a society that has within it people who understand and services that give support. Most importantly, I have an incredible family and true friends.

    When I needed it, was ready to make a change, and able to accept responsibility for my own behavior, my recovery began.

    During my recovery I was taught and used a behavioral model called Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (or ACT.) This is based upon three basic concepts:

    Acceptance

    I learned to foster greater acceptance for my own thoughts and feelings, other people, events beyond my control, and the beliefs I held at any given moment. By doing so I was able to break away from my preoccupation with anxiety and focus upon my recovery.

    Commitment

    I committed to change—to focus upon moving toward the things that really mattered in my life and to travel through the spiral of change on my own journey of recovery.

    Behavior

    I changed my behavior through mindfulness. I learned that regardless of my circumstances or the thoughts that colored my perception, my behavior could either move me away or toward the things that mattered to me. I had a choice. Not necessarily an easy choice, but a choice nonetheless.

    The Importance of Just Being

    I was one of the many with an addiction who had learned to act mindlessly. This is not to say that my behavior was without reason. Far from it.

    I always had good reasons to get wasted. I was feeling anxious and told myself I couldn’t cope, or I was angry and couldn’t see the point, or I was happy and felt like celebrating. In fact, I had an inexhaustible supply of reasons.

    I had learned a coping strategy that enabled me to manage my condition. Just like learning to drive or making coffee in the morning, I behaved on autopilot, without awareness of my own behavior.

    There’s nothing wrong with this psychological process. It’s an important part of being able to function. If every time you got behind the wheel or wanted a coffee you had to consciously relearn the process, your day would soon become totally unmanageable.

    Autopilot behavior like this is learned by repetition and sits in our subconscious, ready to be put into action when we need it. This is fine as long as the behavior benefits us and moves us toward the things that we need. Like driving us to work.

    The problem comes when the behavior not only takes us away from the things we value but also starts to create more problems than it solves.

    This was the nature of my addiction. Beyond the physical dependency (brutal but relatively short lived through medical detox), I discovered that my sense of self had been replaced by a yearning to be someone or something else. Something not me. Not me at all.

    I’d developed an obsession with wanting to become—become free from anxiety; become a more interesting person; become relaxed; become fulfilled; become happy.

    It was my desperation to change that led me to stay the same for ten years.

    How Living In The Now Changes Everything

    Acting mindfully and being aware of the now changed everything for me. As Eckhart Tolle so wisely wrote, “…the past gives you an identity and the future holds the promise of salvation, of fulfillment in whatever form. Both are illusions.”

    I discovered that I am not who I think I am.

    My thoughts are my own but they do not describe me. Because I think or feel anxious, that doesn’t mean that I am anxious. It means I am experiencing the symptoms of anxiety, not that I am anxiety.

    If I am aware of now, then I notice these symptoms as they elevate my heart rate, dry my mouth, place intrusive thoughts in my mind, and push me toward “fight or flight response.”

    By noticing these sensations, I can be an observer of them and no longer a slave to them. I choose to identify them and give them a name. I choose to look at them in their stupid faces. Yes, it’s uncomfortable, but I have learned to be comfortable with feeling uncomfortable.

    I do not need to compensate for the things I feel or believe because they are simply thoughts and sensations that cannot harm me.

    If we are self-aware and mindful of behavior, then we can exercise choice over what we do right now. We can act not in response to the pressure of our thoughts and feelings, but because we are aware of what we value.

    Noticing is key. If we don’t notice what’s happening, then we can’t have a choice over how we respond to those things (whatever they may be).

    If I go to a room I’ve never been in before, open the door, and meet a person I’ve never met before who then tells me that I look ugly, I will have an emotional response. I can no more control those circumstances or my emotional response than I can the orbit of the planets.

    By noticing my reaction, I can accept my thoughts, feelings, and the reality of my situation. If I don’t, I will probably just react to the way I feel. Perhaps I’ll cry, shout abuse, or even take a substance to “help me calm down.” However, if I am aware and I notice what’s going on for me, then I have another option.

    I can pause before I act. I can choose my behavior based upon my awareness of both the situation and what matters to me.

    I have let go of trying to change the way I feel, and of trying to become something or someone else. I am simply living in the now, and I know that only my behavior shapes my destiny, regardless of my thoughts.

    I am aware of my behavior and I can control it; and, in doing so, I am living my life with purpose.

    If like me, you have struggled or are currently struggling with anxiety, mindfulness could help you, as well. You are not your thoughts, beliefs, and feelings. You don’t need to try so hard to control them; you just need to accept them and come into the present moment so you can control what you do.

    Woman in tree pose image via Shutterstock

  • When Waiting Gives You Anxiety: How to Find Peace in the Present

    When Waiting Gives You Anxiety: How to Find Peace in the Present

    “The time is now, the place is here. Stay in the present. You can do nothing to change the past, and the future will never come exactly as you plan or hope for.” ~Dan Millman

    Nothing gives me anxiety quite like waiting for things to happen. If I don’t know how long I will be in line, stuck on a delayed NYC subway, or behind someone at the grocery store who is paying in pennies, I get very anxious. Or at least I used to.

    Going to the doctor’s office was the worst. I know that no one likes to be sick or in pain before going to the doctor. People don’t like to be poked at or asked personal, embarrassing questions during the exam either. Those were not the worst parts for me at all. The worst part for me was the waiting.

    I once went to a doctor’s office for a 9:45AM appointment and had to wait in the lobby until 11AM before going to the exam room.

    I waited in that exam room for over an hour before the doctor even showed up. She was in the room for five minutes, and that was that. I wasn’t even sick. It was just for a yearly checkup that I had voluntarily went in for.

    Being in a small room all alone, unable to go anywhere, was one of the most frustrating experiences of my life. I sat and waited. Looked at the clock. Tried to stay warm (it was freezing in that tiny room). Looked at the clock again. Told myself to just get up and leave. Looked at the clock again.

    Then it hit me: My very first anxiety attack.

    When you have been in a lobby waiting and waiting, just to get into an exam room to wait and wait some more, your brain does funny things that work against you. I started to feel like I was going to be there forever, like I was forgotten, and like I didn’t matter.

    I thought about leaving numerous times, but then my brain would convince me that I was sure the doctor would be in in the next five minutes…she just had to be. Then she wasn’t, and I would wait five minutes more.

    This made the cycle of waiting even worse, since I began to do the math in my head about how much time of my life was being wasted at this doctor’s office.

    By the time my doctor came into the room, my palms were sweating, I was probably a bit pale, and my legs were shaking uncontrollably. I was also fighting back tears of frustration, anger, and stress.

    With a smile, she said, “Sorry for the wait. It’s been a busy day.” Trying to be polite I just nodded, and said it was okay, even though my body wanted me to scream, “If you know you’re going to be busy, let me know! I’ve been in here for over an hour!” and run out of the room.

    The next time I went to the doctor’s office I prepared. I had a big meal so I was well fed, I brought a book to pass the time, and I also brought a sweater to combat the cold. These little tweaks helped me to overcome the terrible inconveniences of my waiting environment, but not overcome the anxious feelings brought on by the waiting.

    The only thing that helped my anxiety was staying present.

    When I think about being right here, right now, I also like to think, “There is nowhere else I am meant to be.” If I know that I am meant to be right where I am, I can stay there and not feel like I should be somewhere else or that I am wasting my time waiting for others.

    I like to think that maybe I was meant to stay in that office for over two hours because on the way home I went to get coffee and saw an old friend that I would have otherwise missed.

    Maybe half an hour before I was able to go home, the perfect parking spot was unavailable in front of my apartment building. Perhaps my timing was so great that I got that perfect spot, and one of life’s little victories was mine.

    Maybe somehow the universe had me stay at that doctor’s office for over two hours in order to avoid heartache, pain, or annoyance that I could have been a part of otherwise.

    Maybe I was right there, right then, learning a lesson for future me to live in the moment and control my anxious thoughts.

    Things happen that are out of our control every day. Sometimes the person in front of you at the grocery store pays in pennies. Sometimes you sit alone and are in your own head for two hours feeling forgotten.

    If you can learn to acknowledge that you are right here, right now, for a reason, the thoughts that want to run wild in your head can be tamed, you can gain some control, and you can control your anxiety.

  • When YOU Disappear Your Masterpiece Appears

    When YOU Disappear Your Masterpiece Appears

    Mindfulness

    “Happiness is absorption.” ~T.E. Lawrence

    During my years in university, there was a cook that I remember to this day. He worked in the university grill. He was well known amongst the students and staff. For his happiness.

    Whether it was 6AM or 6PM, whether it was weekday or weekend, sunshine or hail, he greeted everyone with a boisterous “Good morning. How are you this morning?”

    There might have been forty people in the breakfast line and he would greet every single one the same way. Many, including myself, would often wonder how it was that a man could be so joyful. Regardless of the time or the day.

    While this was the quality he was most known for, I found another which was even more impressive.

    I once snuck into the kitchen to watch him cook. I wanted to see this man in his natural state. What was he like behind the scenes?

    As he would make a grilled cheese sandwich, he would place the bread onto the grill as if it were made of glass. He placed two pieces of cheese onto the bread and he took his spatula and he pressed down evenly and gently.

    His left hand poured a small bit of oil onto the pan, while his right handled the spatula. He placed the sandwich onto a plate. Precisely in the center. He took a knife and pressed his left palm upon the top of the blade and pressed down, and then after it was cut he flicked his left hand into the air as if it were a show.

    But there was no one there to watch. No one that he knew of, that is.

    Suddenly one of the servers dropped a plate which fell and shattered about thirty feet from him. He didn’t so much as flinch. His focus remained on the sandwich. On his ultimate creation. All the while, his lips remained pursed in concentration. His sleeves hung loose at the wrist. The entire affair was done with such rhythm, such grace. It was a ballet.

    I remain convinced to this day that he did not even hear the plate fall.

    I have spent years giving myself to my endeavors. It was difficult in the beginning. Distractions were the order of the day. And the mind was difficult to settle.

    But it is much easier now. In fact, I have used this approach not only with work but with my daily existence. And things happen of their own accord. Whether it is playing the piano or writing a discourse, the fingers seem to find their own way. The instincts and the motions come to me rather than from me. And I sit watching the beautiful dance unfold.

    This, my friends, is what I have discovered is the secret of making a masterpiece of your craft.

    Society, from childhood forward, is taught to do things according to a certain technique. In a certain way. According to a certain methodology.

    Superiors judge the individual for how well they follow the methodology. How good the result is. And whether every direction is adhered to. The type of individuals that are created in this manner are not leaders but followers. What is being taught is not creativity, but mimicry.

    Is it a wonder that the creative, the elite, in any discipline are so few? It is not that only a subset of human beings harbor creativity. It is that only a subset choose to nurture it.

    The world is addicted to the “how to.” And there is no shortage of individuals to indulge them.

    Creativity is a profound rebellion. That which comes from a sacred place within you is far superior than that which comes from the world around you.

    The secret of work lies not in the comparing of the result against a prevailing standard. The secret of work lies not in following a recipe. The secret of work lies not in the praise that it garners.

    The secret of work lies in the state of the human being performing it. The secret of work lies not in mindfulness. But mindlessness.

    Mindlessness?

    Yes, mindLESSness.

    If you examine an event or a time in your life when you created something valuable, a masterpiece of your creation, you will find that time disappeared. During those minutes or hours in which you worked, nothing else in the world existed. You were the only person in the world. And your task was the most important thing in the world.

    There was no time. There was no distraction. There was no mind.

    And most glorious of all, there was no YOU.

    Your hands worked of their own accord. Dancing to a rhythm all their own. Neuronal impulses traveled directly from brain to fingertips, bypassing YOU altogether.

    There was no thought of what it might look like. There was no hope of anyone liking it. There was no fear of it being ridiculed. The entire affair was thoughtless, mindless, and egoless. This is how masterpieces are created.

    In the end, it is YOU that stands between you and your masterpiece.

    When you become lost in what you are doing . . .

    When the mind goes away . . .

    When YOU disappear . . .

    Your masterpiece appears.

    Zen man image via Shutterstock

  • Releasing Painful Memories to Live More Fully in the Present

    Releasing Painful Memories to Live More Fully in the Present

    Zen Man

    “The primary cause of unhappiness is never the situation but thought about it. Be aware of the thoughts you are thinking.” ~Eckhart Tolle

    For thirteen years I’ve lived a high-risk lifestyle that focuses very much on the here and now, because I’m an entrepreneur, and that means making lots of fast decisions that affect the future.

    It took a while for me to develop confidence in myself, as we tend to doubt ourselves much more than other people might doubt us. Our thoughts form our doubts, so I knew I had to do something to move forward from the thoughts that weren’t serving me.

    I identified that many of these thoughts weren’t even my own. They were instilled into me through society, parenting, environment, and the media.

    In fact, until I left my last job, my life was one big predetermined path of ideas, set up by everyone else but myself.

    Becoming aware of a problem is always the first step toward healing. Now that I entered into the realm of self-awareness, I realized that new thoughts were rapidly reconfiguring my past experiences to teach me new lessons.

    As I dove into the rabbit hole and asked myself some tough questions, rather than getting clarity on my thoughts, I got more confused. There was just so much information around me, largely due to the Internet, that I had no way of getting to the important life lessons I knew were within me.

    All this extra information became chaotic and useless until I could make sense and organize it in my mind. So, I took to journaling to begin this process of managing my thoughts, and in this process I learned some valuable ideas that have helped me to form the basis of the three tips below.

    A major moment of clarity happened through writing when I learned that our thoughts and memories are never the truth; they are just our interpretation of them. Our own interpretations of reality are open to debate because, ultimately, our perceptions are not the truth.

    Mind Blown

    That single idea that my truth was open to debate led me to question everything, and when I questioned all the painful memories from the past that were there haunting me, I knew I was onto something.

    Those past memories act like a rubber band pulling tighter on unresolved thoughts as time goes by. By letting go of all those memories, the tension on that band is released, and that means you can be more present.

    Living in the present has allowed me to love my family more, to pick and choose the right friends to have in my life, and to look forward into the future.

    I’d like to share three things I learned that have helped me let go of painful memories and become more present.

    Change the meaning you’ve given to painful memories.

    I’ve mentioned that thoughts are never really purged from your mind; they are just suppressed or pushed down into the unconscious mind.

    The trouble is that, although you might not be actively thinking about them, the meaning you have ascribed to them will linger in your unconscious mind and serve to move you in a particular direction. (The movie Inception handles this concept beautifully.)

    As a child, my parents used to “teach me a lesson” a lot. I wasn’t particularly naughty but my parents, coming from a strict Chinese upbringing, brought that style of parenting with them to the UK when they immigrated.

    A lot of the painful memories I had as a kid taught me to hate them because I did not understand why they would be so mean to me. Different cultures teach in different ways, just as differently educated people teach in different ways.

    Here I was, being brought up in a very conservative country with British ideals fighting with Eastern culture on thoughts about how to teach values to children. I spent a lot of years not understanding why they were the way they were, until I discovered psychology and NLP in my later years.

    I took many courses to understand human communication and subsequently learned about changing past memories. That’s when I looked back and slowly began to unravel the reasons why they behaved in such a way. I changed my perception of these painful memories.

    You see, they were doing the best they could with the physical and mental resources they had available to them. They did a good job really, but it took revaluating those thoughts to realize this. Inevitably, my respect for them only grew, as more understanding meant more compassion.

    You have to deal with these painful past memories and ascribe new meaning to them in order to move on. Talk to someone about it or spend some time contemplating it for yourself, but never leave it alone to gestate, as this will not serve you.

    Documenting your thoughts provides clarity.

    However you choose to document your thoughts and ideas, make sure you don’t just meditate on them. Although I am a fan of meditation, I do think that getting the thought out of your head and onto paper/audio/video (whatever you works for you) allows you to detach from that painful memory and look at it more constructively.

    Our emotions often cloud our judgment in the heat of the moment, so you’re likely to record past experiences that were charged full of negative emotion with a strong untruthful bias in your mind.

    The documentation process helps to separate the facts from the emotion and allows you to reflect on that past thought more accurately.

    I also learned that all our senses help make up our memories, and when we write in a diary we are only making use of two of those senses. But with a video diary I was making use of four of those senses. It just accelerated the whole learning process.

    There is always a positive lesson to learn from every memory.

    No matter how terrible one’s past experiences might have been, there is always something positive we can learn from those memories. In the worst cases, our emotions get in the way of the lesson, but often if we can detach from the experience and look again, we can find it.

    My sister was a right little spy when we were growing up. She would always be telling mother about the bad things I did, and I hated her for it.

    I felt like she was betraying me, possibly just to get more attention from our parents, and this was the beginning of a difficult relationship that would grow between us. We hardly talk now, and she would never offer up information about her life willingly.

    Only recently did I learn that perhaps I was responsible for this. I realize that I wasn’t a sharer as a child, and maybe this was her way of trying to get me to share. Learning this, I decided to change the way we communicate. I now share a lot of information about my life with her when we do chat, and I’ve noticed slowly that she is also doing the same.

    This relationship might take a while to repair, but that positive lesson from the past has meant that we can begin to take small steps forward now in developing a new sibling relationship.

    By being a fly on the wall of your past experiences, you can look objectively at the situation and figure out what you can gain from it.

    An Ongoing Promise

    The thing about living in the present is that it quickly becomes the past. As evolving human beings we learn new things and experience new thoughts all the time, and that means there’s always an opportunity for painful memories to occur.

    It’s not possible to live sheltered from pain, which is why we need to commit to reflection and learning so we won’t be held back by our negative experiences.

    It’s a promise we must all make for ourselves: to learn, reflect, and be present.

    Meditating man image via Shutterstock

  • A Simple Technique to Quiet Your Mind and Be Present

    A Simple Technique to Quiet Your Mind and Be Present

    “Get out of your head and get into your heart. Think less, feel more.” ~Osho

    Meditating. It’s one of those things that we all know we’d be better off doing, but most of us struggle with it immensely.

    It’s difficult. It’s hard to find the time. And it often doesn’t seem like it’s working.

    For many years, I’ve tried to make meditation a regular habit. But rarely can I do it consistently. It’s almost always the first thing to go when I’m crunched for time or feeling stressed.

    Of course, those are the times that meditation is best!

    But, for someone like me who has difficulty paying attention in general, the standard “beginner’s meditation” is often insufficient. It’s quite challenging to do nothing but focus on your breath for five minutes, let alone twenty or more.

    This has only gotten more challenging since moving from a university setting to a full-time job. Now my mind is often so crammed with technical details of troubleshooting health information systems that the idea of shutting off my mind for even a few minutes feels nearly impossible.

    I know I’m not alone here. Many people struggle with this, and it is a nontrivial problem. I’m not an insomniac, but on numerous occasions I’ve been completely unable to go to sleep because I simply cannot shut my mind off long enough to pass out.

    Sometimes I’m concerned with what someone said to me at work that day. Sometimes it’s missing my family and friends. Sometimes I beat myself up for not going to the gym that day. And sometimes it’s just a whole mess of thoughts that I can’t quite pin down.

    As such, I’ve been in the market for a meditative technique that can be done any time, anywhere, for as long or short as I’d like, and without requiring the ability for sustained attention. I believe I’ve just found this technique.

    Before going into it, I would like to acknowledge the fact that having the ability to sustain your attention for extended periods is invaluable, and absolutely worth working toward. The technique I will be discussing should be used to help build this capability, not to replace it entirely.

    The Technique Sensory Awareness

    Rather than directing your attention inward, say, toward your breath, what about directing it outward toward the world around you?

    This is an approach that I first came across right here on Tiny Buddha, when Lori described “the noticing game.”

    The idea is that you can expand your awareness by paying attention to the things around you, and trying to notice as much of your environment as possible. A great, common example of this would be “people watching.”

    The noticing game has helped me tremendously as a meditative technique, but it does have its limitations.

    For instance, I’ve found that it tends to cause a feeling of separateness—that I am in some sense isolated from whatever it is that I am observing. In addition, I have a tendency to search around more frenetically than I should, trying to notice the “coolest” thing in my environment.

    Surely, this is not the intention behind the exercise, but I do feel as though it is a consequence of the simplification that comes from looking at it as a game. While the noticing game has benefited me greatly, I’ve recently been taking it to the next level with a slight modification of that approach.

    A couple weeks ago, I came across a great method of expanding my awareness in a fascinating book about Kabbalah, or Jewish mysticism. You can think of it as a more generalized or holistic version of the noticing game.

    The goal is to maximize the use of your sensory perception.

    When we are not conscious of it, we filter out a huge quantity of sensory data that is not useful for whatever task we are trying to accomplish. This is a great evolutionary strategy, and it also gives us the opportunity to expand our awareness whenever we feel like it. Double win!

    First, let your vision expand peripherally. No need to turn your head, look around, or change your body position at all. You can see (at least in my experience) about 50% more of your environment simply by being conscious of it. Try it out now!

    Expanding your visual awareness like this makes you feel more alert and “in the moment.” In other words, it does much of what traditional meditation does, but without needing to focus on anything in particular.

    But why stop at just visual perception? You can pay more attention to the sounds in your environment as well.

    You need not focus on a particular sound; simply let the noises in your environment get consciously registered in your mind. Huge amounts of ambient noise gets filtered out, but you can easily remove that filter for short periods of time, thereby noticing much more of your environment.

    Next, notice your body. Right now, I’m quite aware of an uncomfortable twinge in the center of my back. But until I started paying attention a moment ago, I couldn’t actually “feel” my butt in my seat, or the bottoms of my feet on the ground.

    These feelings simply got filtered out, because they are bland and uninteresting from an evolutionary standpoint. But they’re actually quite interesting as I pay attention to them.

    There’s really nothing new or revolutionary about this technique. In fact, one of its major advantages is the simplicity of the whole thing; there’s no need for any complicated maneuvers.

    We all have much more awareness potential than we actually use in our daily lives. Instead of actively trying to notice specific things in your environment, you can let the environment come to you and soak it all up together.

    Most of us, most of the time, are experiencing life on autopilot. But without a huge amount of effort, we can begin to spend more and more time in a state of calm awareness, where the trials and tribulations of the day become unimportant.

    Our anxieties and concerns take on a fraction of the significance we normally attribute to them. And who wouldn’t want that?