Posts tagged with “Love”
A Letter to My Exes: I’m Sorry You Never Knew Me
“Authenticity is a collection of choices that we have to make every day. It’s about the choice to show up and be real. The choice to be honest. The choice to let our true selves be seen.” ~BrenĂ© Brown
To all of my ex-boyfriends, ex-lovers, and especially my ex-husband, I am so sorry.
Iâm sorry because I never gave you the chance to really know me. I hid myself from you. I showed you the smallest version of myself because I didnât trust you to meet me in my strength, my bigness, and my desire. Well, in truth it was …
To Be AND Not to Be: Honoring a Life Lost to Suicide
âTo be, or not to beâthat is the question.â ~William Shakespeare
This Sunday marks one year since my friend took his own life. It both is and isnât a big deal. It is in the sense that we like to commemorate things: one-year-old, one year at a new job, one year since 9-11, one year sober.
It isnât in the sense that my to-do list that day includes âthaw and marinate chicken.â
When a person takes his own life, it creates a cosmic shift in the universe.
It also doesnât.
The first few days after a person takes his own …
How to Be There for Others Without Taking on Their Pain
âLetting go helps us to live in a more peaceful state of mind and helps restore our balance. It allows others to be responsible for themselves and for us to take our hands off situations that do not belong to us. This frees us from unnecessary stress.â ~Melody Beattie
When our loved ones suffer, it’s hard not to get swept up in their pain. We want so desperately to fix them, to take away their hardship, and to see them flourishing.
As a control freak, I often find myself going into âfixer modeâ when my partner is struggling with …
What I Learned from Loving the âWrong Personâ and Why I Don’t Regret It
âSome people come into your life for a reason, some a season, and some a lifetime. However long it was, be thankful for the gifts you received from them.â ~Unknown
When I first met him, we instantly clicked. We became fast friends aided by the fact that I was dealing with my fatherâs death and he was by my side whenever I needed someone. He was empathetic, easy to talk to, and very open. I related to him immediately.
Early on, it became clear to me that while we were friends, we would not make a good romantic pair. We …
4 Ways to Get Your Mind Off Yourself and Replace Worry with Joy
âThe only way to be truly happy is to get your mind off yourself and help somebody else.â ~Joyce Meyer
A couple of years ago, I was dealing with two major life changes at the same time.
The first change was that my husband and I moved from Maryland to Delaware after our son finished high school. And though the distance wasnât far (about a three-hour drive from my parentsâ house in Washington, D.C.), I had grown up in D.C. and this marked the first time I had ever moved away from that area.
The second change was that our …
How to Stop Sweating the Small Stuff and Let Go of Your Grudges
“Let today be the day you stop being haunted by the ghost of yesterday. Holding a grudge and harboring anger/resentment is poison to the soul.” ~Steve Maraboli
You are tired of it, arenât you?
You find yourself arguing again. You feel anger rising up in you.
You realize thereâs no use in trying to explain your position and decide to stop the conversation.
But the topic still buzzes in your headâŠ
This used to define my marriage.
The first few years of my marriage were constant arguing. After each argument my mind would run over and over the things he …
How Releasing Expectations Takes the Pressure Off Relationships
âWhen you learn to accept instead of expect, youâll have fewer disappointments.â ~Unknown
A few months back, I was having drinks with a friend from university for the first time in a while. I sat across from her, smiling and laughing, almost in awe that we were hereâhere, not as in at this particular restaurant patio, but here, as in, in this moment that felt so free and so light, unbound by who we used to be.
During our first couple years of university, we were best friends, always hanging out, living together, supporting each other, swapping secrets, and creating …
The Fascinating Reason We Fear Rejection and the Key to Acceptance
âOur job in this lifetime is not to shape ourselves into some ideal we ought to be, but to find out who we already are and become it.â ~Steven Pressfield
âWe need to talk to you.â
I looked up from my book. The other thirteen girls in my class had assembled around me.
Part of me was annoyed that they interrupted Indiana Jonesâs latest adventure. But another part couldnât shake the feeling that I was facing the sixth grade execution squad. My heart began to beat faster, my shoulders tensed, and sickening fear spread through my body.
âWe donât like …
Why You Feel Anxious In Relationships and How To Stop
âI was feeling insecure you might not love me anymore.â ~John Lennon
After doing years and years of self-esteem work, I thought I was fairly well adjusted and secure. I thought I was fairly confident, self-assured, and not at all needy. But all that changed when I got into my recent relationship.
My subtle thought pattern of fear, distrust, projection, and unhappiness started creeping in. Again? Seriously? I thought I was past all that.
As it turns out my attachment disorder runs much deeper than I thought it did. What about yours? I mentioned attachment theory in one of my …
How to Move On When Your Ex Already Has
âLike a sandcastle, all is temporary. Build it, tend it, enjoy it. And when the time comes, let it go.â ~Jack Kornfield
I picked up the butter cookies and a small postcard-sized painting I had brought for her.
I took the third-floor hotel elevator down.
Closing my eyes, I took several deep breaths.
The elevator ride was less than five seconds, but our time spent apart was five years.
Five years after the divorce I had flown up to see her again.
Iâm not sure what led to this meeting. We had emailed each other a couple times out of …
Why I Thanked My Ex and Now Appreciate the Heartbreak
âHow thankful I am today, to know that all my past struggles were necessary for me to be where I am now.â ~Unknown
I met my ex-boyfriend, letâs call him Derek, through work. We were introduced through mutual co-workers, and then we hit it off and began dating.
We had a connection right away, partly based on physical attraction, but also we laughed a lot together, and I felt cared for by him.
We lived in different cities at the time, but would see each other every other weekend. We dated this way for a year and then talked …
4 Ways to Boost Your Happiness and Overcome Hedonic Adaptation
“Happiness is not something ready made. It comes from your own actions.” ~Dalai Lama
One of the biggest challenges in life seems to be the attainment of happiness. Everyone wants to be happy (or so they say). But what does happiness truly mean, and how do we not only find it, but embrace and maintain it?
Researchers have come to the conclusion that happiness has three separate elements. First, there’s the amount of happiness you are genetically predisposed to have, which accounts for about 50%.
Studies were done on identical twins who were raised together and on some who …
3 Limiting Beliefs That Make It Hard to Get Over Your Ex
âThe broken hearted are the bravest among usâthey dare to love.â ~BrenĂ© Brown, Rising Strong
Are you finished grieving your breakup and want to get over your ex once and for all?
Donât get me wrong. Grieving is important. Actually, itâs imperative.
But there is such thing as grieving for too long. When we get stuck in a downward spiral of negativity it gets harder and harder to get out. Our guilt over the way things turned out and regret over what could have been become heavy burdens to carry.
I was there last year. After the toughest breakup …
How To Overcome Insecurity and Change Your Negative Relationship Patterns
“Sometimes our thoughts are backed by so much insecurity that they create lies we believe.” ~Unknown
After nearly a year of being single and after going through my fifth breakup, I found myself involved with someone new.
It was the typical guy-meets-girl story you read about all over the Internet. We met for dinner and drinks and there was an immediate attraction. We laughed and talked and overall had a great night. By the second date, he stayed the night at my house and didnât leave for four days.
This time I felt I was more prepared. I had studied …
3 Stages of a New Relationship and How to Handle the Changes
âBe messy and complicated and afraid and show up anyways.â ~Glennon Doyle Melton
When I was younger, I assumed that when I found the ideal person for me and was in my ideal relationship, it was going to be easy, and I was going to feel comfortable and safe all the time.
I would be floating on clouds, feeling blissful and light, and Iâd love everything that person did all the time. Thatâs what being with âThe Oneâ would feel like. I have come to learn, through countless emotional outbursts, anxious moments, doubt-filled thoughts, hard conversations, and extreme emotional …
Love Isnât Enough (and Other Reasons I Ended My Toxic Relationship)
âSome people think that itâs holding on that makes one strong; sometimes itâs letting go.â ~Unknown
Sometimes we prolong relationships for the sake of comfort and familiarity. Weâre fearful of whatâs out there, and life without a partner. No matter how many times weâve been hurt, taken for granted, or had our needs neglected, we still choose to stay even if our mind and heart strongly suggest otherwise.
I thought I was strong for putting up with my ex’s mistreatment. I had held the ability to forgive in high regard, and I wanted to keep that standard.
Iâm not exaggerating …
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