Tiny Buddha

Tag: joy

  • 31 Ways to Appreciate The Present Moment and Feel Happier Right Now

    31 Ways to Appreciate The Present Moment and Feel Happier Right Now

    “Start where you are. Use what you have. Do what you can.” ~Arthur Ashe

    It’s frustrating, isn’t it?

    You dream of a life where you have more freedom—your work nourishes your mind and soul, your home is organized, and you have ample time to exercise and eat right.

    It’s not that your current situation is awful, but you long to do more of the things you love. Yet when you contemplate radical changes, your heart rate quickens, and you convince yourself it’s just not the right time.

    So you keep waiting for the big moment when you can make that big change that will lead to happiness.

    Well, you’re wasting your time …

    Our ability to feel happier comes from inside ourselves, not from external circumstances. You don’t need to quit your job, move to an exotic location, or lose weight to be happy. You can embody happiness right now.

    Over the years, I’ve gotten better at aligning my life activities with my purpose.

    I teach at my own yoga studio. I assumed this would make me happy 100% of the time, but I get derailed sometimes. I ruminate about the small things like our cluttered house and the endless details of running a yoga studio. I forget the big picture. I forget all that I have. I get grumpy and start to nitpick.

    I have to catch myself and find my happiness from within again. It might take a few minutes, hours, or days, but I use these mini-habits to help me get there. They cost little to nothing and are portable.

    No matter your situation, you can start right now. The following habits will help you stand a little taller, smile from your heart, and shine a little brighter.

    For Your Mind

    1. Breathe deeply.

    Inhale deeply, and exhale completely ten times. Deep breathing slows your thoughts, relaxes your nervous system, and brings you closer to your own intuition.

    2. Use a mantra to change your mind-set.

    Sha is a Sanskrit root word meaning peace, as in “shanti.” Say “sham” slowly ten to twenty times. By combining sound, breath, and rhythm, mantra channels the flow of energy through the mind-body circuit and calms your nervous system and mind.

    3. Zone out.

    Spend a few minutes daydreaming. Your logical mind, the prefrontal cortex, is constantly planning, analyzing, and thinking about the future. Give it a rest and just be for a little while; you’ll feel refreshed.

    4. Express your love.

    Write a note or tell a loved one how you appreciate them. Communicating positive emotions lowers stress hormones, bad cholesterol, and blood pressure, and it strengthens immunity.

    5. Rejuvenate your mind.

    Close your eyes for a few moments. What do you see in the darkness of your mind’s eye? Notice the patterns that form. This is a simple meditation that rejuvenates and refocuses your tired mind.

    6. Explore healing aromas.

    Plants like rosemary, lavender, and sage can improve our moods. Create your own natural spa. Put your favorite essential oils in a spray bottle with a little water.

    7. Swap a thought.

    Make a list of your positive traits and attributes. When you criticize yourself, refer to this list. Keep this pattern up and you’ll transform your inner dialogue.

    8. Allow yourself to be.

    Accept all your feelings about your present situation. They are valid, whether you like them or not. Accepting your current situation is the first step to feeling happier.

    9. Loving-kindness meditation.

    Loving-kindness builds positive emotions, which increases mindfulness and purpose in life. Spend a few minutes letting feelings of love and kindness for someone wash over you.

    10. Meditate.

    When thoughts come, return to your breath without judging. Deep breathing clears your mind and decreases your stress levels, which will allow you to feel happier.

    11. Declutter one spot.

    Declutter one surface or area. Starting small is easier. But when your home and workspace are clear from clutter, your mind feels more spacious.

    For Your Body

    12. Lighten up.

    Once a day, laugh at yourself. When you make a mistake, see the humor in your error. Laughing is great medicine, it improves your mood, and it relieves stress and tension.

    13. Stretch your body.

    Sitting in a chair? Push away from your desk. Inhale, and as you exhale, bend forward, moving your ribs toward your thighs. Breathe deeply. Get out of your mind and into your body and the present moment.

    14. Stretch your breath.

    Hold onto the back of your chair and take slow, long breaths. This opens up your rib cage and lungs, allowing you to breathe more deeply. The added oxygen to your brain will make you feel alive and alert.

    15. Give yourself a massage.

    Use coconut oil or sesame oil on your skin, massage it on your whole body, and then take a warm shower to help your skin absorb the oil. This is a home spa treatment that is used all over India. Touch is calming, and you can reap its benefits without buying expensive massages.

    16. Take a bath.

    Relax and enjoy the simple pleasure of a warm bath. Light some candles and put on your favorite music.  Soothe your body with this simple ritual. Why dream about getting away when you can create a calming environment in your home?

    17. Place your palms over your eyelids.

    This relaxes your eyes and mind. This is especially helpful if you have a headache or feel fatigued.

    18. Practice Yoga Nidra (Yogic Sleep).

    Take ten minutes to relax your whole body completely and then each part of your body in turn. This magical practice is as efficient as taking a longer nap.

    19. Eat with complete attention.

    Put away all your screens. Savor your meal by noticing all its tastes and textures. You’ll improve your digestion and feel more relaxed as a result.

    20. Move every day.

    Even if you have very little time. You only need five minutes to stretch or walk outside. Building a little movement into your day is better for your health than one longer weekly workout.

    21. Hug someone or something.

    Like your friend, pet, or even yourself. Soothing touch is relaxing and calming.

    For Your Spirit

    22. Stop and pay attention.

    Are birds chirping? Horns blasting? Voices passing? Notice your world right now and see the beauty that is unfolding under your nose. You’ll feel a little better about your situation.

    23. Make a mini-gratitude list.

    What are three things from the past twenty-four hours that can go on your list? Making gratitude a permanent trait is proven to make us happier and healthier, and live longer.

    24. Give thanks for your meals.

    Saying thanks for having enough will remind you of how much you have. Remember that eight million people don’t have enough food to lead a healthy, active life.

    25. Get outside and unplug.

    Spend time outdoors without your digital devices. Notice the small details of your surroundings—the flowers, the trees, even the small ants on the sidewalk. You’ll feel peaceful and calm as a result.

    26. Spend time with friends.

    Socializing is a secret of the world’s longest-lived people. Set a weekly meeting. Go for a walk, drink tea, or simply enjoy each others’ presence.

    27. Listen.

    When people talk, listen to them. Be 100% present with your company and you’ll get their appreciation in return.

    28. Love your furry friends.

    They can be our best friends and show undying loyalty. Spending time petting a dog can improve your mood and even strengthen your heart.

    29. Find a beautiful natural thing around you.

    Pick a flower, leaf, twig, or fruit. Remind yourself of all the natural wonders that surround you right now. It’s easy to overlook the beauty in the present moment.

    30. Take a mini-vacation.

    Once a week, I take my toddler and dog to the park for a picnic lunch. We relax and listen to the birds. Leave your busy life for a few moments to be with loved ones who are crucial to your happiness.

    31. Give a little bit.

    Carry canned food for people asking for food.  Make eye contact. Recognize the common human spirit in every person you meet, right in your neighborhood.

    The Secret That Holds The Key To Your Happiness

    Your happiness isn’t dependent on where you live, how much you weigh, or what you do for work. The key to happiness is appreciating what you have at this moment. Sure, we all want to make changes sometimes. But one change, no matter how big, is unlikely to transform misery into elation.

    Small things that help you appreciate yourself, your loved ones, and the world around you will add up to big changes in your mindset.

    Pick a couple practices from each category. Write them down. Post them on your mirror so that you remind yourself each morning.

    Schedule the activities in your calendar.  Even if they take five minutes, this daily reminder will prompt your memory.

    And don’t forget to inhale the sweet fragrance of the jasmine that is blooming right under your nose.

    Ahh, doesn’t it smell delicious?

  • Enjoy the Little Things: How to Find the Sacred in Everyday Life

    Enjoy the Little Things: How to Find the Sacred in Everyday Life

    “Enjoy the little things, for one day you may look back and realize they were the big things.” ~Robert Brault

    One of the things I love about the Native American spiritual path is the focus on appreciating the simple things in life.

    Simple things are often hard to relate to in today’s world of overwhelm.

    Eric Schmidt, executive chairman of Google, says we human beings currently create as much information in two days as we did from the dawn of civilization up through 2003!

    And yet our bodies were, and still are, designed to be in tune with the sun, the moon, the seasons, and the cycles of nature. That simplicity is what our souls long for.

    So our adaption to the “modern age” has been fraught with peril to our peace of mind and our health.

    Our ancestors greeted the sun each morning, enjoyed simple home-cooked meals, played with their children and grandchildren, and delighted in a beautiful sunset, with no television to lure them inside on a beautiful summer evening.

    I am as tempted as the next person to watch a good TV show, but I have found that the evenings when I putter in the kitchen, making a healthy meal while listening to relaxing music, are much more fulfilling.

    Finding Meaning in the Little Things

    I designed my house around being able to have African violets in the kitchen window.

    I did it because my grandmother had them in her kitchen window. That meant the kitchen window had to be in the south, because that gave them the best light.

    So my entire house was designed around having a south-facing kitchen window for African violets.

    Every time I stand at the kitchen sink and see them, I think of my grandmother. And it becomes a simple, heartfelt connection to the past.

    Native Americans sought a simple, earth-based lifestyle also. No one who truly understood the responsibility involved ever sought to be a “medicine man.” They longed to be a simple human being, living a simple life.

    My first Native American teacher, Sun Bear, said, “I’m not interested in any philosophy unless it can help me grow corn.” Meaning, knowledge that makes our lives better is what’s most valuable.

    It’s fine to spend time philosophizing about lofty ideals, but how does that help you if you’re unable to enjoy a cup of tea, or a sunset, or delight in watching a child take her first steps?

    Living a peaceful, fulfilling life is sacred.

    Is There More to Life Than This?

    I remember an episode of the sitcom Seinfeld in which Jerry Seinfeld was, for once in his life, thoughtful and sensitive. In reviewing his shallow life, he asked, “Isn’t there more to life than this?”

    His neighbor Kramer replied, “I know the answer to that: There isn’t!”

    What if there isn’t more to life than simplicity, appreciating every day, helping others, and being kind when we can? I think that’s not so bad!

    I have two friends who recently retired and told me they asked themselves, “What should we do now with our time?”

    And they decided they just want to help people. They’re very handy and told me that whenever I need something fixed around the house, to just call them and they’ll come fix it at no charge. They do it just for the pure joy of it.

    It helps me enormously and gives them the fulfilling feeling of having helped someone. What a simple retirement solution.

    And I get the joy of inviting them over to dinner as a thank you.

    Spiritual Acts in Daily Life

    Here are some things that I feel are sacred in life, and they certainly are simple. Perhaps making time to add them to your day will bring the sacred back into it:

    1. Prayer.

    2. Meditation.

    3. Time in nature.

    4. Time with children; they certainly know how to live in the moment.

    5. Meal preparation. It’s an opportunity to pray over your food. Make it a meditation.

    6. Greet the day. Watch the sun rise and say, ”Thank you.”

    7. Say “goodnight” to the day and express gratitude for everything that happened that day.

    8. Declutter your home, which also leads to decluttering your mind. I’m going through a massive purging right now, getting rid of things I no longer use. It feels as though I’m opening up my mind and soul for a fresh breeze to flow through and renew me.

    9. Awake early to have time to meditate, breathe, and watch the birds, while slowly, mindfully, drinking a cup of coffee or tea.

    10. When you feel the need to buy something, stop. Wait twenty-four hours. Why do you want it? Do you need it? What void is it filling? What else can fill it?

    11. Do you keep the T.V. on without even watching it? Living alone, I am well aware that sometimes I like the T.V on just to hear the voices of other people. But I’ve recently taken to leaving the T.V. off and listening to music instead. So I still hear voices, but more pleasant ones.

    Here are a few things turning off the T.V. can give you: time with a loved one, time for exercise, time for meditation, time for self, time to observe nature, time for a nap.

    Why not take some time to slow down, incorporate some of these spiritual acts into your day, and see what a difference it makes?

  • Why Positive Thinking Didn’t Work for Me

    Why Positive Thinking Didn’t Work for Me

    Yoga

    “See the positive side, the potential, and make an effort.” ~Dalai Lama

    I was a perfectionist growing up, always trying to bang my flawed round-shaped self into a perfect square hole that couldn’t possibly contain me.

    In my early twenties, I decided to focus on personal development—a positive thing, I assumed.

    I figured if I worked on improving a little every day and nurturing a positive mindset, I’d feel a lot better about myself than I did when I got down on myself for my flaws. 

    I didn’t take into consideration that I might become a perfectionist about positivity.

    That I might catch negative thinking and feel guilty about it instead of letting it go and moving into a more positive space.

    That I might muster every piece of my will to avoid negative feelings and end up over-thinking them instead of simply feeling them and letting them pass.

    For most of my life, I’ve fought reality. I didn’t like the way people responded to me, so I tried to manipulate their perception. I didn’t like the world around me, so I tried to control it. I didn’t like the world within me, so I tried to escape it. (more…)

  • May You Have Many Worries

    May You Have Many Worries

    Woman at Sunset

    “I vow to let go of all worries and anxiety in order to be light and free.” ~Thich Nhat Hanh

    My mother was what you might call a “professional worrier.” She worried with skill, power, and acumen.

    She could incisively hone in on the most seemingly benign situation and find within it some kernel of trouble to worry about. Money. Health. Household. Children. Travel. Work. You name it, she worried about it. A lot.

    That is until my father was diagnosed with cancer.

    When my father became ill, my mother changed radically, and apparently overnight. Faced with the potential of the greatest loss of her life, she found that she was suddenly free of the many worries that had plagued her for all those many years.

    In the wake of the most terrible news imaginable, the many troubles that had been burdening her suddenly fell away, like a heavy winter coat on an unexpectedly warm day. So, strangely and without warning, in the midst of a terrifying life-threatening crisis, my mother became a more light-hearted person.

    (more…)

  • Finding Joy in Your Car and Kicking Road Rage to the Curb

    Finding Joy in Your Car and Kicking Road Rage to the Curb

    Road Rage

    “Sometimes it’s the smallest decisions that can change your life forever.” ~Keri Russell

    I’m a positive, happy kind of girl. I smile a lot and try to make people smile wherever I go.

    But I have a confession I have to make: I used to have crazy road rage. I turned into the spawn of Satan as soon as I got behind the wheel of my car. I can’t explain it. I don’t know why it happened. It just did.

    I didn’t go crazy and tailgate or rest on my horn or even flip the bird to other drivers. Nope, not like that. I yelled and screamed, mostly obscenities, and called other drivers horrible names. (Even spiritual, happy people drop *F* bombs from time to time—don’t judge.)

    I’m embarrassed to admit to this. I’m going to go out on a limb here, though, and assume that I wasn’t the only one in the world with this problem. I’m just one of the few that will confess to it. Nonetheless, I was one red light short of needing blood pressure medication.

    This was me: Get in the car. I’m in a hurry (as usual), quite possibly going to be late, again. I’m freaking out because the traffic is bad. I hit every red light, there are slow drivers in the fast lane, and “Ah man, is that a train?”

    I’m checking the dashboard clock like a maniac, thinking that it just may, in some magical way, stop ticking. It doesn’t, and I look at it every minute and thirty-five seconds.

    And this was my day, every day. Rush rush rush, check clock, late again, stress out, freak out, check clock. Everyone on the road is pissing me off and driving me absolutely crazy! Check clock again. Yup, I’m gonna be soooo late! F%#@!!

    In Comes Joy

    A few months ago I got in my car and discovered this little sticker on the floor on the passenger side that had fallen off of a project I was working on. It was a teeny-tiny sticker. Not quite an inch wide, a quarter of an inch high.

    It said one word: joy. Aw, how cute. My first instinct was to toss it. What am I going to do with it now anyway? The project is done.

    But for some reason, I couldn’t do it. Something inside me told me to do something with this little sticker. Anything! Just don’t toss it! I looked around the car. I could have placed it in the glove compartment for now. Maybe even put it in the cup holder (though I know how that would have ended).

    Boom! There it was. Practically right in front of my face. My nemesis: that darn clock. I was absolutely astonished that the size of the sticker was exactly the same size as my clock. I kid you not! Without much thought, I placed the joy sticker on the clock.

    And everything changed.

    I started my car and drove off. Within one minute I automatically looked at the sticker. At one point, this would have started the race to see how long it would take to feel so stressed I’d want a margarita to calm me down.

    But there was no time. Not this time. Not ever again. Only a powerful message: joy. And something wonderful happened. I giggled.

    And I felt it, slowly, leaving me. The evil that lurked inside of me that was once called road rage was slowly seeping out. This crazy, little, fun joy sticker was transforming me.

    I checked my clock seventy-eight more times during my drive only to see the word “joy.” The first sixteen times I continued to giggle. Now I just smile. Each and every time, I smile. I actually feel joy!

    It wasn’t until I did this that I realized some very important things.

    • Continually checking my clock while I’m driving to work or appointments is not going to ensure that I arrive on time.
    • It’s going to completely stress me out.
    • And it’s going to make me drive like a lunatic.

    The stress I was putting myself under while driving was ridiculous, senseless, and needless. I’ll get there when I get there and not a minute before! Period.

    And when I finally do get there, I’ll be happy and smiling and relaxed. Yes, yes I will.

    Your Turn (and Please Signal!)

    Sometimes the tiniest things can have the biggest impact. This sticker story is proof. Luckily for me, my sticker was the same size as my clock (though to this day, I’m still truly baffled by that).

    I’ve shared this story with many of my friends. They’ve tried this experiment and are amazed at the results.

    I know you can do this too. Use your imagination. Create your own. Stick it to the clock and have a happy day.

    Road rage image via Shutterstock

  • Elevator Joy Bomb (Another Uplifting Video from Soul Pancake)

    Elevator Joy Bomb (Another Uplifting Video from Soul Pancake)

    Soul Pancake loves to infuse joy in the mundane, and their “elevator joy bomb” video is no exception!

  • How To Design A Happier, More Fulfilling Life

    How To Design A Happier, More Fulfilling Life

    Happy Woman

    “Happiness is not something you postpone for the future; it’s something you design for the present.” ~Jim Rohn

    A few weeks ago I found myself having a bad day. The frustrating thing was that on the outside everything was okay, nothing had explicitly gone wrong, but inside everything was a mess. It was one of those days where you’re in a constant battle with yourself.

    At the beginning of the year I saved up enough to be able to quit my job and focus on building my own online/writing career. But on this particular day I felt nothing but doubt.

    I couldn’t get my head straight, my creativity was drained, and with everything I attempted I came up against a mental block.

    In silent despair, I sank into my office chair and stared blankly across the room. As I gazed ahead, I looked at pictures from my travels stuck on the wall. Each was a reminder of good times I’ve had and things to look forward to in the future.

    To the left, Steve Jobs’ biography sat staring at me on the shelf. It’s tactfully put there, so that on days where I feel like I’m incapable of producing anything worthwhile, I get a reminder of what’s possible.

    I’ve recently been experimenting with incorporating things in my daily life to add extra inspiration. Things that give extra motivation when days are good and provide a weatherproof layer for the days when things aren’t going so well.

    If our routines and everyday life occur by chance, it’s unlikely that they set us up to have the happiest, most meaningful and productive days that we’re capable of. So I’ve started being deliberate in how I sculpt my days and routines. I guess you could call it happiness architecture.

    Of course, true lasting happiness takes practice. It’s a long-term commitment of expressing gratitude, being aware of our negative self-talk, and developing the ability to see the world around us with more optimism.

    So, while designing your days isn’t a quick fix for instant happiness, it’s a way to help cultivate a fertile environment for happiness to grow.

    Here are some of the things I’ve been toying with:

    Physical space

    The easiest place to start sculpting a happier life is with your physical space. Design your surroundings so they inspire you. This doesn’t mean you have to move to the Himalayas or to a villa beside the sea, but instead craft your current surroundings so they make you happier.

    The reason Disneyland is considered one of the happiest places on Earth isn’t by chance, but because around every corner is a Mickey Mouse, a Disney Princess, or another deliberately crafted inspiring moment. Craft your own daily Disneyland.

    This is the reason for my strategically placed biography of Steve Jobs. It’s the reason I drink coffee out of a mug that reads “Follow Your Dreams.” It’s the reason for the inspiring quotes and messages all over my walls and on the wallpaper of my computer.

    Have daily reminders of your goals dotted around the house. Surround yourself with plants, paintings, colors, and other visual elements that make you happy.

    Anything that can help ensure that not a single day goes by without some sort of visual kick-up-the-butt to inspire you to be happier.

    Little surprises

    You know the feeling when you find money down the back of the couch? Or when you find something that you totally forgot you had? What if you could manufacture your life to have more positive experiences like these?

    I’ve been experimenting with this too. I’ve tried setting random calendar notes or reminders for several weeks’ time, each with a short positive note or inspirational message to myself. Both add a nice surprise to the day when you receive them out of the blue.

    Perhaps order yourself a gift to arrive in the distant future and totally forget about it until it arrives. Or maybe leave hidden notes in completely random places all over the house.

    Get creative, because anything goes.

    Even better still, begin crafting these little surprises for others too. A couple of times a month think of somebody close to you and figure out a way you can help them.

    Maybe that’s with a call or a surprise visit. Maybe that’s a thoughtful gift or simply paying them a genuine compliment.

    The world needs more pleasant surprises.

    Company

    The people you spend time with can either raise or squander your energy and positivity. If you want to be happier, be deliberate in choosing who you spend your time with.

    I’m not the most extroverted of people, so who I’m spending time with can be the difference between me coming across as some crazy, passionate guy or a timid, bashful guy. The latter of which tends to leave me questioning myself—“What’s wrong with me?” “Why am I so quiet?”

    Very few of us are fortunate enough to be able to spend 24/7 around inspiring people who light us up, but we can craft opportunities to spend time with (or at very least call) somebody who inspires us a couple of times a week.

    We often default to whatever company is available to us, just to avoid being alone. We don’t pay any attention to how negatively that company might affect us.

    Be totally honest with yourself and ask: does spending time with these people make me come away feeling better or worse? If the answer is worse, then maybe it’s not worth it after all.

    Time

    Perhaps most importantly, we need to be very deliberate with how we spend our time. It’s so easy to fall into a routine and stay there no matter how counter-productive or negative it may be.

    I try to do something I’m passionate about every single day. For you, this could be taking an action that contributes toward a big goal, or maybe it’s knitting, playing an instrument, or another activity you love to do.

    You don’t have to spend long on it, but there’s a lot of satisfaction that can be had knowing that no matter how manic and stressful life may be, you are still working toward something that is meaningful to you.

    Make time to lose yourself in a book. Give yourself a sacred fifteen minutes every morning to savor and enjoy a steaming coffee.

    Make time to meditate, to enjoy the moment and to feel gratitude for all that you have.

    Dedicate a part of your day to going out into nature and noticing the sound of the birds, the crisp bite of the wind, or simply the gentle crunch of the leaves beneath your feet.

    Your time is the most precious thing in your life. Without it, nothing else could exist.

    Elimination

    With that in mind, just adding more positivity to our days will always have limited success without eliminating the negative too.

    I find it useful to eliminate the news from my life—I found that watching it caused me to see the world with so much more fear and negativity. That’s not to say I turn a blind eye to that which is happening in the world, but instead I choose to ignore the negative slander that the news puts on everything.

    Look at your own day and try to figure out what you can take out. What needs pruning?

    What routines or habits have you got that add nothing to your life—or worse, which ones actually have a negative effect?

    Maybe you find the traffic always leaves you angry on the way to work, so search for a different route instead. The road through the countryside may take you longer, but if it inspires you more and leaves you more positive, then it’s time well spent.

    Take the time to notice the other stressors in your life. Which of these can you remove completely? And if you can’t remove them, how can you reduce their impact?

    —

    Life is short. We all have a limited time here, so it’s so important that we’re deliberate in how we use it. That means being intentional and designing our lives to leave us as happy and fulfilled as possible. Don’t leave that up that chance.

    Woman jumping on the beach image via Shutterstock

  • Joy Attracts Joy

    Joy Attracts Joy

    Joy Attracts Joy

    Source: Simple Reminders

  • Rekindle Your Joy by Harnessing the Power of Play

    Rekindle Your Joy by Harnessing the Power of Play

    Kids Playing

    “It is a happy talent to know how to play.” ~Ralph Waldo Emerson

    It was one of those weeks that felt like I was dragging my feet through mud. Everything seemed like an effort and nothing seemed to be flowing.

    I was caught up in conflicts from the past—a miscommunication with my boyfriend, which resulted in hurt feelings on both sides, and a professional crisis that plunged me into fear and self-doubt.

    In an attempt to calm my mind and become more present, I meditated and chanted mantras, but the tape of negative self-talk continued to play in my head. It berated me for not handling both situations better and made me feel like I was not measuring up.

    A cloud of depression began to hover at the edges of my psyche, threatening to block me from the sunlight of the spirit. I was a captive to thoughts of inferiority. Self-compassion seemed like a far off destination I would never reach.

    I live in a beautiful part of Mexico, but even the warm tropical air wasn’t enough to bring me out of my mental slump.

    Then, my sister came to visit from the states, having taken a long weekend off from work. It was a great diversion and I knew just the place to take her. We drove to a secluded beach on the Pacific coast to spend the day.

    When we arrived, we saw that the usually calm ocean had been churned up by a distant storm. Waves crashed violently upon the shore and a steady wind whipped against our cheeks.

    I took to the water anyway. I wasn’t brave enough to tackle the hulking waves but waded into the shallow white wash. It swirled around me like a natural Jacuzzi. The changing tides threatened to destabilize my footing, so I crouched down to avoid toppling over like a bowling pin.

    Releasing control, I was moved by the push and pull of the current. At one point, a large wave hit further out, sending the tide rushing in. It spun me around like laundry in a machine. A hearty laugh escaped from my lungs as I tumbled around in nature’s whirlpool, completely present in the moment.

    It washed me up on the shore like a happy seal and I whooped with the simple joy of it. My hair was tangled with sand and salt and my swimsuit twisted around me. My sister sat calmly on the shore and, seeing my dishevelled state, laughed along with me before joining me in the water.

    We giggled heartily as we played in the shallows like children. I bodysurfed the whitewash of the waves with my arms outstretched, allowing the water to carry me like a twig. In that moment, nothing existed except the water and the shrieks of joy that erupted from within me.

    The joy that had eluded me for the last week had been inadvertently tapped into by the power of play.

    Sometimes even the most disciplined spiritual practice is not enough to provide the shift we need, and that’s where play becomes an important part of our lives.

    We need only look at a young child playing in mud or a puppy fetching a stick to recognize the power of play. It is a healing practice that returns us to our innocence and brings us into the present moment; no chanting required.

    As children we relished the power of playfulness and saw life as one big game to participate in. We threw our whole selves into tumbling down grassy hillsides or playing tag rather than spending time in our heads worrying and planning.

    As adults we often forget that play still needs to be part of our lives. No matter how old we are, it is possible to return to that place of pure joy that exists within us.

    It may require some extra effort on our part to make time for play, but it is worth it for the mental and physical benefits.

    Here are five simple ways to harness the power of play in your daily life and rekindle your joy:

    1. Get into the woods.

    The woods make a wonderful playground, and spending time in nature is hugely therapeutic. Stomp through piles of crisp fall leaves and throw them into the air like natural confetti. Climb a tree and re-ignite your child-like wonderment.

    If you really want to access your joy, play a game of “hide and go seek” among the trees with a friend. You will be surprised how much fun this game can be as an adult.

    2. Play ball.

    Play ball, any kind of ball! Whether a game of tennis, soccer, or shooting hoops, the mind-body connection required for ball sports is sure to relieve stress and shift negative thought patterns. Visit your local driving range to hit golf balls. Even if you’ve never golfed before, this can be super fun.

    3. Dance up a storm.

    One of my favorite ways to play is to put on music and dance around my house. Dance in your bedroom, in the kitchen, or in the backyard, with or without other people around. In fact, dancing alone like no one is watching provides a massive release of endorphins which is great for the mind, body and spirit.

    4. Host a game night.

    Next time your friends want to get together, why not host a game night instead of going to a bar or restaurant? Games like charades Pictionary or even the classic Twister bring out the playful side of even the most serious adults.

    5. Visit your local park.

    Visiting your local park is one of the simplest pathways to play. Swing on a swing, slide down a slide, and if there is a grassy hill that takes your interest, roll down it! Just because you are an adult doesn’t mean you have to give up your favorite childhood activities.

    —

    We can all harness the power of play to access the ever-present joy within us. Making time for play in our lives between work, relationships, and other commitments can relieve stress, transform negative thinking into spontaneous laughter, and may just be the greatest gift we ever give ourselves.

    Kids running image via Shutterstock

  • 3 Things You Can Start Doing Today to Improve Your Life

    3 Things You Can Start Doing Today to Improve Your Life

    Man Jumping

    “The grass is always greener where you water it.” ~Unknown

    Have you noticed that when we’re unhappy we often spend our time focusing on those very things that are making us unhappy?

    My life has had its ups and downs, like anyone, but one of the lowest lows was back when I had a graduate job at a big four accounting firm.

    I was completely stuck in a rut: I’d drag myself out of bed in the morning, commute to work, spend the day in an office full of people I didn’t like, doing work I found mind-numbingly boring and unfulfilling, go out and drink too much in the evening, often with those same colleagues that I didn’t much like, get a late bus home, and then do it all again.

    I was bored, unhealthy, and unhappy.

    I spent all my energy doing things I didn’t enjoy with people who weren’t my tribe, and then drowning it all with a bottle of wine.

    But it hasn’t always been like that, and I’ve worked out my own tools to turn life on its head and spend my time being happy.

    Now I focus on making every day joyful, and living a life filled with fun, happiness, and adventure.

    As Seth Godin says, “Instead of wondering when your next vacation is, maybe you should set up a life you don’t need to escape from.”

    And that, my friends, is where I come in.

    There are three small but impactful shifts any can make to start improving their life. They may feel daunting initially, but these three shifts will start to make your life different—and better—day by day.

    1. Make some space.

    “Busy” is the new buzzword. Lots of us rush around cramming our day full of unfulfilling activities, and when someone asks how we are, we sigh, “Busy…”

    Have a look at your calendar and see how much time you’re spending doing things that don’t rock your world.

    Do you always say “yes” to meeting up with your husband’s brother’s wife even though you leave feeling drained and unhappy?

    Do you say “yes” to meetings at work that you know beforehand are just going to waste time and cause you to stay late to finish off your real work?

    Do you find yourself out with friends at expensive restaurants where the cost means you spend the night worrying about the bill and not having fun?

    All these things are negotiable! Start saying “no” to events and people that drain you. No need to provide excuses or justification, just politely bow out.

    The more you say “no” to the things that don’t fill you with joy, the more time you have available to do said joyful tasks.

    It can feel scary to begin with—you may end up with free time in your calendar, and lots of us worry that people won’t like us for saying “no.” That’s normal! But are you willing to face those fears to open your life up to make you happy every day?

    2. Do something that scares you.

    Maybe making space in your schedule is already pushing you out of your comfort zone. Great! But I bet there are plenty of things that you’d love to do to fill the space that make you feel jussstttt a little bit nervous.

    These things help expand us, and doing things that start from a place of fear helps free us of the fear and expand our comfort zone. So scare yourself today, and you’ll be less scared tomorrow.

    These scary activities don’t have to be earth shattering. My first list of scary tasks included calling a girl I wanted to be friends with, answering my phone every time it rang (I’d gotten into the habit of screening almost all my calls, even though I love chatting with people!), and joining a dance class.

    See, they’re all simple, but each of them had the effect of improving my life when I did them.

    As you start living from your growing edge and consciously pushing yourself to do things outside your comfort zone, the zone will expand and you will find a renewed confidence in yourself and your abilities.

    3. Do something you love.

    I love to read; I always have. When I was a kid, my dad described it as voracious.

    I’d read all the time—when I went to bed, when I woke up on the weekends, in the afternoon after school. Still, one of my favorite indulgences is when I have time on the weekends to wake up without an alarm and just read in bed until I’m too hungry and have to get up and eat some eggs.

    But when I’m busy, tired, and stressed, it’s one of the first things to go. Huge error! I find myself zonking on the couch in front of TV, getting more and more drained and tired. But I noticed the pattern, and I consciously make time to read now. I love getting lost in a beautiful novel.

    What’s your “thing”? What are a few things you love to do? Read, chat on the phone with friends, go for walks in nature? Write down a list of a few of these things and do one of them every day.

    Maybe pick small things for weekdays and something bigger for the weekends so you don’t overwhelm yourself, but focus on the things you love to do and make it a priority to spend your time doing things that make you happy.

    —

    Once we’ve made some space, written down things we love to do, and started recognizing the things that we’re holding off doing because they’re scary, it’s time to do!

    Take your calendar and book it in. Cross out that thing you’re going to say “no” to, and write in something scary and something you love.

    Make it happen, make the commitment to improve your life in a small way every day. A little bit of daily action will get you further than one huge burst of energy every month.

    It’s your life. Choose to make it amazing.

    Man jumping image via Shutterstock

  • Why Joy Trumps Happiness (And 3 Ways to Coax It Into Your Life)

    Why Joy Trumps Happiness (And 3 Ways to Coax It Into Your Life)

    Man and Pink Sky

    “Joy does not simply happen to us. We have to choose joy and keep choosing it every day.” ~Henri Nouwen

    Once upon a time I was on a relentless hunt for happiness. I’d root around for it in romantic relationships, search for it in visits to exotic locales, and scour self-help sections of bookstores, hoping to run across a volume that, once and for all, would reveal its thorny secrets.

    The books I read said happiness couldn’t be found outside of me, but I was always skeptical of that advice. I longed to believe that if I got what I wanted in life I’d be like a winner on “The Price is Right”—jumping up and hugging perfect strangers.

    When I turned forty, I had the chance to test that theory: Through a series of incredible circumstances, I got almost everything I’d ever wished for. I met and married an amazing man, came into inheritance, and achieved my lifelong goal of publishing a novel.

    I was surprised to discover that my happiness still depended on outside events in my life.

    Great book review? Crack open the bubbly! Bad day at the stock market? Sequester myself in the bathroom with a package of Fudge-Covered Oreos. But, to be honest, my life was so fast-paced and drama-filled that I didn’t have the time or the inclination to think about the matter too deeply.

    Fast forward five years and my winning streak came to an end. I found myself without a new book contract, my grown son sank into a deep depression, and my dearest and oldest friend and I grew apart.

    My slew of bad luck forced me to slow down and become a seeker again. I continued to investigate the happiness conundrum and eventually came across this quote from Danielle LaPorte, “Happiness is like rising bubbles—delightful and inevitably fleeting. Joy is the oxygen—ever present.”

    Bingo! All my life I’d been stalking the wrong thing. Instead of chasing after happiness, I needed to find ways to allow more joy into my life.

    1. Living in the present moment.

    Over the next few months I devoured at least a dozen metaphysical books, and I undertook a variety of spiritual practices: visualization, affirmations, gratitude journals, vision boards, and a few other things a little too woo-woo to mention.

    While I found value in many of those activities, I didn’t experience drastic change until I practiced mindfulness. Now I meditate fifteen minutes daily and make a point to be mindful throughout the day.

    Chores I used to dislike are now exercises in staying in the present moment. Instead of my usual kvetching about laundry (who goes through ten towels in three days?) I slow down and pay attention to the task and the accompanying sensory details, i.e., the lemony smell of the detergent, the comforting warmth of the clothes out of the drier, the swishing rhythm of the agitator.

    When grumbles arise, I note their existence but try not to get caught up in them.

    Zen masters clang gongs to remind students to be mindful; I use a timer on the computer. I set it every twenty-five minutes, and when it buzzes, I check in on myself.

    This is great habit to start. When the timer goes off, ask yourself, am I present? Or am I embroiled in regrets about the past or schemes about the future? The more time we spend in the present moment, the more joyful we feel.

    2. Avoiding the dramas of the ego.

    It used to be that when something went haywire in my life, I’d fly to the phone or Facebook, eager to broadcast my wounds. I didn’t think there was anything wrong with venting. Wasn’t that healthier than letting my injuries fester?

    Not necessarily. Through my mindfulness practice I’ve learned that it’s best not to get caught up in the ego’s drama.

    When something goes wrong in my life (that guy cut me off in traffic!), my ego loves to rush to the scene, causing a commotion. Now I keep a journal of my ego’s triggers so I know when I’m most likely to be yanked into its mischief-making.

    Three centering techniques have worked for me: First, pay attention to your breathing, noting inhales and exhales.

    Next, get in touch with your body, connecting with the energy within and staying alert to any automatic responses. Is your throat constricted? Are your shoulders tense? Is there smoke coming out of your ears?

    Finally, listen. Can you hear the refrigerator running or the traffic outside?

    These three practices slow us down so we can avoid getting entangled in ego-based thoughts.

    Additionally we might want also want to refrain from complaining or gossiping, even about piddling things. It may seem harmless to say to a friend “Could this grocery line get any longer? And what’s with the woman buying ten cartons of Ben and Jerry’s?”

    Unfortunately, such behavior strengthens the ego. The limited rewards we get from gossiping and griping are outweighed by the joy we’ll find when we eliminate them from our lives. 

    3. Deep listening.

    When I quit complaining and prattling on about other people, I thought, “What’s left to talk about?” Recently I found the answer: Whenever I’m in the company of others, I practice deep listening.

    Deep listening requires total attention to what the other person is saying, and it’s so focused it involves the entire body. Our own thoughts will constantly arise, eager to butt in, but try using one of the previously mentioned centering techniques to shush them.

    If we practice deep listening our interactions with other people will become much more authentic and yes, far more joyful. 

    The Rewards of a Joyful Life

    I’ve been inviting joy in my life now for almost two years. Does that mean I shun happiness? Of course not. Happiness is always welcome.

    It’s penny candy raining from a piñata. It’s the burst of light from a sparkler. It’s the magician’s bouquet of flowers, blossoming into a dove. But I now understand happiness’s limitations and am no longer expecting more from it than it can give.

    I’ve also come to discover that joy, unlike happiness, is not elusive or subject to the whims of fate. Joy is what kindles within us once we give up our resistance to the present moment and our demands that life do our bidding.

    Ironically, when we quit expecting life to be a certain way, life seemed to naturally align itself with our preferences.

    In fact, in recent months, my son’s psychological problems receded, two books contracts materialized, and my relationship with my best friend healed. However, even if nothing had changed or if my fortunes had soured, it wouldn’t be a disaster.

    If we allow joy into your lives, we’ll no longer be buffeted about by life’s circumstances. As Eckhart Tolle says, “You can only lose something that you have, but you cannot lose something that you are.”

    Joy is our natural state; we all have access to it, no matter what craziness happens in our lives.

    Man and pink sky image via Shutterstock

  • When You Don’t Know What You Want Anymore

    When You Don’t Know What You Want Anymore

    Man Thinking

    “We learn more by looking for the answer to a question and not finding it than we do from learning the answer itself.” ~Lloyd Alexander

    There was a time when I looked at the world without hope. My future felt dark because I didn’t know what I wanted to do.

    I felt like I was a random player in a chaotic game. I didn’t like it, and I didn’t like life.

    Luckily, I stumbled onto resources, ideas, and practices that helped me reconnect to my wisdom, my heart, and my interests.

    I applied what I learned, and clarity emerged.

    I’ll share what happened and how I gained clarity, but in order to do that, let’s start at the beginning.

    The Problem

    The problem wasn’t that I didnt know what I wanted to do. It was thinking that I should know what I want.

    When I think I should know, I put pressure on myself. I feel stressed out, and I feel like I’m not good enough because I haven’t got life figured out.

    When I accept the present moment as it is, it frees up a tremendous amount of energy. When I stop resisting, I can start living.

    When I look back at the darkest moments in my life, not only do I see their purpose, but I also see that, deep down, I always knew what step to take next.

    But at the time I couldn’t see this because my vision was clouded by my fears.

    The Solution

    The solution was to see through what held me back from connecting to my heart, and to my desires.

    I did this by becoming mindful of how I was letting my fears dictate my life. I began to deliberately challenge my fears by taking action.

    I took tiny steps forward. I listened to my heart as best as I could.

    Instead of shrinking away from my fears, I wondered, “What would happen if I took a step forward anyway?”

    By doing this, I discovered that most of my fears were false. They weren’t real. They didn’t come to pass, even though it felt like they would.

    I realized that acting on what I was interested in right now was enough to start the ball rolling. With time, I could sense what was right for me.

    Today, I feel like I have cat whiskers on my body, and I navigate through feeling.

    Our desires can never be put out. They can be dampened and dismissed, but never extinguished.

    3 Steps to Uncovering What You Want

    So the question then becomes: How do we reconnect to our desires?

    Well, I’m not going to tell you what to do, because there’s no real formula. And I’m not the expert on you. You are.

    So what I’m going to do is share a few examples from my life. That way, you can pick what resonates with you and apply it to your life.

    Don’t take what I say for granted. Instead, test it out.

    1. Become quiet.

    Whenever I feel confused and don’t know what to do, I take it as a sign to calm down. During those times, I notice that my mind is speeding along, trying to figure everything out.

    I often lie down on my bed and just breathe. Sometimes I take a walk, and sometimes I watch a movie.

    I don’t have a set routine. I listen to my heart. I notice what I feel pulled to do. I trust my body and my inner wisdom to know what is right for me at that moment.

    But there are times when I don’t know what’s right. I just feel confused. When that happens, I become quiet and I focus my attention on my heart area.

    My mind often tries to pull me back up, but I gently re-focus on my heart.

    I ask my heart: What is important right now? And I wait. I don’t always get an answer, but I try to listen every day.

    I’ve noticed that whenever I’m stressed, it’s not because life is stressful; it’s because I’m entertaining stressful thoughts.

    Becoming quiet and reconnecting to my heart helps, especially when I don’t know what to do.

    2. Explore through writing.

    Something else that I’ve found immensely useful is writing.

    I don’t use prompts. I don’t have a structure. I open up a notebook and start writing what’s on my mind.

    I clear my mind by dumping it all on paper. This seems to give me better access to my heart. So I begin by writing what’s on my mind, and I end up writing what’s in my heart.

    Some call this journaling. Some call it freewriting. Julia Cameron calls it writing your “Morning Pages.”

    The label isn’t important. What’s important is the result.

    After writing for ten to fifteen minutes, after getting all the craziness from my mind on paper, clarity emerges. I can feel my heart becoming warmer.

    I sometimes ask my heart questions. I don’t always get great answers, but sometimes I do. Sometimes I feel like I’m connecting to an intelligence greater than me. And who knows, maybe I am?

    The bottom line is that it works.

    3. Take micro steps.

    Once I reconnect to my heart, and clear some of the mind chatter, I begin asking myself: What tiny step can I take to reconnect with my desires?

    You may want to rephrase this question. If you do, make sure you keep the focus on ridiculously tiny steps.

    Sometimes the tiny step is to lie down. Relax and recharge. Stop trying to figure everything out. Stop stressing about the imagined future.

    Micro steps are not only useful in reconnecting with your desires. I use them in everything I do.

    The reason they work so well is that they bring you back to the present moment. Micro steps help you focus on what you can do with what you have.

    You can’t predict the future. You can’t control outcomes. But you can do the best you can, right here, right now. When this realization sinks in, you relax and life becomes brighter.

    —

    The biggest mistake I make over and over again, even though I know all this, is getting stuck in my own thinking.

    I notice my thinking trying to figure it all out. But all my thoughts are assumptions about life. They aren’t reality. Just thoughts.

    This doesn’t mean we should condemn thoughts. It means we need to take our thoughts less seriously.

    Because what if you let go of the story that you didn’t know what you want? You would simply enjoy what’s right here, right now. And if you felt drawn to do something, you’d do it.

    When I watch my son play, he doesn’t know what he wants. He’s completely in the present moment, enjoying life. He’s almost three years old as I write this, yet he’s showing me how to live and enjoy life.

    You see, I’ve noticed that I tend to take life too seriously. I take my thoughts, my fears, and my future seriously.

    Yet what I’ve realized is that I’m always experiencing my life through my thoughts. I don’t feel the outside world. I feel my thoughts.

    So when I help people find and follow their passion, even when they don’t know what they want, I discover that the spark never went out. It simply got obscured by their thinking.

    I’m not going to tell you to make a radical change in your life. I’m going to tell you to take the tiniest step, and to bring your attention back into this very moment.

    You only need to notice a tiny thing you enjoy doing, and follow it. This isn’t about picking the right thing.

    Right now, it’s about simply learning to follow your interests, and reconnecting to your heart and joy.

    Thinking man image via Shutterstock

  • Letting Go of Expectations and Letting Joy Find You

    Letting Go of Expectations and Letting Joy Find You

    Letting Go

    “The best things in life are unexpected, because there were no expectations.” ~Eli Khamarov

    Are there situations in your life where letting go of a desired outcome could potentially improve the outcome?

    I’d been invited to the Stern Grove festival, the free summer concert series, to see Andrew Bird. A friend of mine texted me the night before, letting me know he was setting up a picnic for it.

    I was feeling agitated that evening after spending more than I’d wanted to at a birthday dinner (which I was happy to attend, notwithstanding), and I anticipated wanting to recharge the next day, in solitude. (Pretending to have more money than you do is exhausting.) So I turned him down. “Enjoy it!” I texted.

    “Of course I will—it’s Andrew Bird!” he replied.

    The next morning, I settled into a café to work. But I couldn’t even start. As I stared at my laptop screen, resisting the pull to work on a Sunday and mildly resenting myself for need-choosing to freelance, I found myself Googling the Stern Grove website.

    I clearly wanted to go. So I closed my laptop and got out of there.

    Here’s where non-attachment comes in, because I knew that if I were going to actually haul my butt to that show, I’d have to mind-hack the excursion every step of the way.

    That part of me who resists working on a Sunday? She also resists not working. And going out. And being social. And stress in general, which of course is everywhere, relentlessly. So I do a lot of inner work on her behalf.

    As I walked to my car, I thought, “Well, I’m just going to take a nice Sunday drive to a new part of the city. If I decide at any point to not go, I won’t. I’ll turn it into a joyride around the Bay, which I enjoy doing anyway and would probably be doing later today.”

    That allowed me to relax, and I could take in the views, the landscape, even the traffic—because hey, I wasn’t on any timeline. “If I don’t make this in time, I just won’t go!” Win-win.

    I navigated my way to the park; I’m a Bay Area native but had never been! I was pleased to put the different neighborhoods together for myself.

    I drove past groups of blanket-clad concertgoers carrying coolers and maintained my detached stance toward my rising stress. “If I can’t find parking, I just won’t go. No problem.”

    I drove around for five minutes and parked four blocks away, in a residential goldmine others were pulling into as I walked.

    I arrived, alone and new to the venue. If you’ve never seen it, Stern Grove is gorgeous; you have ocean views as you’re headed there, and once you’re inside it’s as if the city doesn’t exist.

    I breathed in eucalyptus and felt the cool San Francisco air on my skin. I observed the crowds spreading out on the ground level and nesting on tiered ledges facing the wooded stage.

    Not a bad start at all. But I wanted to find my friend.

    Again, the mind-hack: “If I don’t find him, that’s okay. I’m just here to check this place out and watch a show.”

    The thing about all this self-talk is that I really believed it. That’s the rub: you have to sincerely buy it. There’s no gaming the system when it comes to enjoying the unexpected.

    This is a story about a concert, but the concept applies broadly to the more serious, high-stakes parts of life, too.

    What are your expectations in your relationships, for your career, of the world? What are you holding on to that letting go of might ease? (And understand that letting go does not mean giving up.)

    The next time you notice yourself attaching to an expectation, pause and check out how that feels inside. I’ll bet that your mind and body probably don’t like it very much. How can you soften it?

    As I wandered the aisles, scanning for my friend, I ran into an old roommate. We hadn’t seen each other for three years until the week before, at a house party. “Text me if you find your friend,” he told me. “I’m with a big group up front and we have plenty of space and booze and food.”

    Well okay, then! I did find my friend (with another mutual friend who’d come along), and despite some minor stress over hand stamps and ground access, we joined my ex-roommate and his buddies for wine and beer, fruit, deviled eggs, and vegan snacks mere yards from the stage and Andrew Bird’s spinning double-horn speaker.

    I stared at my surroundings in gratitude and awe. A perfectly unexpected Sunday afternoon with lush grove, loving company, and the atmospheric sounds of Andrew Bird and the Hands of Glory to match.

    Letting go can be the key to letting joy find you. Try it out sometime—it’s worth it.

    Man in the sky image via Shutterstock

  • How I’m Getting Past Internal Resistance So I Can Live a Life I Love

    How I’m Getting Past Internal Resistance So I Can Live a Life I Love

    “Your actions are your only true belongings.” ~Allan Lokos

    This is not a piece about a person who has already finished her journey. I am not here to tell you that I’ve emerged from a dark place into a place of ease, or that I’ve discovered a profound new way of being that shields me from daily stresses.

    I wish I could tell you those things. I love to read about successes like that.

    Instead, I am in a messy stage of my journey, holding on to the glimmers of joy that I feel throughout each day, dreaming and journaling and not getting enough sleep.

    I am transitioning to a different life path as we speak.

    I take each day as its own adventure, knowing that I will feel any combination of boredom, happiness, depression, anxiety, and curiosity. Knowing that it’s okay for change to be complicated, that it’s okay to be confused one minute and excited the next as long as I keep asking questions and keep looking for answers.

    There’s no avoiding this part of the journey, the part where you peel back the layers of who you were and make room for who you will be. Where you shake free from the comforts and limiting beliefs you’ve been living under, where you consider if the life you’ve been living truly reflects who you are.

    This is the scary part. The part where you feel guilty or ashamed or sad that it took you this long to acknowledge your dreams. It’s hard to know when this part will end. All you can do is keep moving and know that those answers will come.

    For the past five years my life has not reflected who I truly am, as I’ve worked a job that bored me so deeply that my soul quietly settled down to sleep.

    On one hand, I am grateful for this job, grateful for the boredom-induced depression that shook me gently but steadily until I finally dusted myself off to search for something more.

    I am grateful for the months of utter paralysis, as I knew I was somehow meant to stretch my creative spirit but did not understand what that looked like or how it sustained me.

    I aim to forgive the part of myself that argued it was “too late,” and that I should just accept the steady job with no questions asked.

    And so I remained as patient as I could. I asked friends to describe my strengths, I vented to my journal. I cried and read inspirational blogs until my eyes reddened. I closed my eyes and meditated, waiting for the light bulb moment to provide me my core beliefs and purpose.

    I’m grateful I did not give up. That I have not given up, still.

    My breakthrough came a year and a half into my journey. One and a half years of reading and thinking and hoping for more. And suddenly, with little warning:

    I think I’m supposed to do visual art, written quickly into my journal.

    Isn’t it funny how life surprises you? I didn’t see this coming; I hadn’t pursued art in my twenties or dreamed of someday being a full-time artist. I let the thought sit for months, afraid of it, thinking I must have misheard my yearnings.

    And so I waited until the thought reemerged four months later. Stronger now, more insistent.

    And I am grateful I listened.

    My journey has changed shape, as journeys often do if you let them, softly tugging me into a makeshift studio after work each evening where I paint and write and remind myself to take big, soothing breaths.

    I’m still not a full-time artist yet, but every day is an adventure still, asking me only that if I haven’t yet found my confidence, to please get up each day and try anyway. And so I get up each day and I try, even when I’m overwhelmed and tired, even when my next steps are unclear.

    One of my favorite mentors, Marie Forleo, has often said clarity comes from engagement, which is a hard concept for those of us who plan endlessly and write everything down multiple times so that we can avoid actually taking that first step.

    That first step, which supports the next and the next, is the most important of all.

    Without action, my journey would be back at square one, huddled under the weight of my doubts and fears.

    Without action, my soul would still be asleep, unable to consider a different future.

    Without action, I would not cherish these moments of actual joy, my paint brush in hand. I would not know they existed.

    And so the question becomes: have you been listening?

    Do you feel the tugs, however quiet, that will lead you in a new direction? I know many of us are so good at ignoring these whispers, resisting the changes that feel so big and scary and new that we can’t imagine where the journey will lead.

    Today, I want you to act, acknowledging your resistance with empathy as you move forward anyway. I want you to get messy and uncomfortable, even if that simply means facing your fears in the pages of your journal.

    If you are just at the beginning, or perhaps even in the middle of your journey as I am, remember: you are capable of joy. Now how will you create it?

  • How Understanding Can Lead to Forgiveness and Fulfillment

    How Understanding Can Lead to Forgiveness and Fulfillment

    Forgiveness

    “The only way out of the labyrinth of suffering is to forgive.” ~John Green

    I remember growing up in a lonely home. My parents were distant, and it seemed they didn’t care much about me. Their lives were all about them, so I didn’t care much about them.

    My sister and I hated Christmas and New Year’s Eve because we never got any gifts or toys during that period.

    We used to be so lonely at home, and we couldn’t play with the neighbors’ kids because our parents didn’t allow it. I grew up having no friends, up until when I was fifteen years old, when I became friends with a classmate.

    Fast forward to two years later when I was seventeen; I was going through teenage years alone, and like every normal teen, I struggled to be happy, but it was more than that. I refused admit that I was depressed until a friend noticed and talked to me about it.

    For the first time I experienced what it meant for someone to truly care about me, and I wished my parents could do the same.

    I became really close to this friend because she was the only one who was there for me. She was a cheerful girl whose parents showered her with love, and extended this love to others, as well. We spent all of our weekends together, usually watching movies at her house.

    We graduated from high school and started college together, and then I lost her in a tragic accident. I was in shock and wished I would die too, because life was meaningless without the only friend who stood by me for all those years.

    I broke down for months. I refused to go back to college, and my parents couldn’t understand why I was so down. It took me a year to recover.

    I forced myself to start life again. I reapplied for college to try to make myself move on, but it was hard.

    I didn’t care about making friends or joining other social activities because I was introverted and l always feared that people would judge me.

    In my search for happiness I enrolled in a yoga teacher training program. It was during that period that I learned things I never knew about life and happiness.

    I realized that all I needed to be happy was within me; I was whole and needed to seek happiness by healing myself instead of looking for it outside myself. Instead of feeling bad about my life, I started tobe grateful for it.

    And one great powerful lesson I learned was the importance of forgiveness. It took me back to the resentments I had towards my parents, and I realized that I had to forgive them in order to live a more fulfilling life.

    The courage came one evening when I boldly picked up the phone and called. We spoke for a long time, and in that discussion I discovered that they deeply regretted all the years they were absent in my life.

    In that moment I felt whole again; I felt my parents’ love come back to me, and I finally understood why they didn’t seem to care when I was younger.

    You see, after they had been married for several years, my mum discovered that my dad had had an affair with an old flame. This caused her so much pain that she shut down from her social life, and consequently, didn’t allow her kids to have one.

    Understanding them and their pain helped me to let go of the past and forgive them, because I realized they never intended to hurt me, even when they didn’t remember my birthday or prevented me from making friends freely.

    After that, I made a promise to myself to spend more time with them, helping them with cleaning, laundry, and other little things, to show them I’ve moved on and I care about them. I can’t go back and receive or show care in my childhood, but I can do something different now.

    I’m only human, so I can’t say the sad memories don’t pop up in my head once in a while. When this happens, I reverse my thoughts to focus on the good part of knowing I have my parents’ love and affection back.

    I’ve learned that we can’t experience the full joy of life if we don’t let go of all resentments, because it is in truly letting go that we make space for peace and fulfillment.

    It can be hard to forgive if the person who hurt you doesn’t express remorse, but that doesn’t mean they don’t feel it, or that there wasn’t pain behind their actions. If you don’t forgive, you’re choosing to cause yourself pain. When we hold onto bitterness, we slowly die on the inside.

    No matter what, life holds a second chance for everyone. We give it to others by forgiving; and equally important, in forgiving, we give it to ourselves.

    Love everywhere image via Shutterstock

  • 3 Ways to Find Fulfillment Wherever You Are in Life

    3 Ways to Find Fulfillment Wherever You Are in Life

    Feel Alive

    “Don’t wait for the perfect moment. Take the moment and make it perfect.” ~Unknown

    For almost all my life, I have lived in my head.

    In my head, there was a utopia. And that utopia was named “someday.”

    “Someday” I would have my degree, have the perfect relationship, become successful in business, own a beautiful home near the beach, be more athletic, and of course, be completely fulfilled with every aspect of my life.

    For me, “Someday” was both a place of refuge and a place of torment. Because although in my mind, it gave me something to hope for, it also made every moment of every day feel… empty.

    Nothing I did or experienced in the moment was ever enough. I lived life as a means to an end that never seemed to come.

    Each day I would wake up and jump from one thing to the next. When brushing my teeth I would think about breakfast, at breakfast I’d think about my commute, and so forth until I reached the brief moments just before I fell asleep, so I could promise myself “ Don’t worry, it’s all worth it—you’re getting closer!”

    I felt like I had to rush against some invisible clock to pack my life with the fulfilment I thought I needed.

    Milestones were passed and yet, I never stopped to appreciate any of it. I rushed head first into a serious relationship that wasn’t right for me, moved across the country to find myself, and launched a business.

    After years of working hard, I finally woke up one day to realize that I was “there.” I was engaged, living in a five-bedroom house, working as a high level marketing consultant, and had everything I thought I had wanted “someday.”

    And yet… I was still completely unsatisfied.

    While outsiders saw an amazing life, I was stuck comparing “someday” to my current life, and lamenting on how it didn’t stack up.

    Then, something amazing happened.

    I lost it all.

    And I mean lost. It. ALL: My relationship exploded, I had to leave my home, I was let go from my high paid consulting gig, no longer had a car, and to top it off, I lost the two closest members of my family. All while being stranded thousands of miles away from any loved ones.

    In the space of two weeks.

    At the time I didn’t think it was such an amazing experience. It felt like I was standing at the top of a mountain while it crumbled under my feet, and I saw the fall I was about to take.

    The amazing part came over the next couple of years, while I nestled in a humble little cottage working to rebuild my life.

    At first, I felt sorry for myself. I started to sink into a deep “why me” pity party, and everyone was invited.

    Then I realized, I was standing over the edge of a deep, bottomless hole. I could fight life and keep sinking deeper and deeper. Or I could decide to find a reason to step away from that edge and keep going.

    I decided to look away from the edge. And it changed my life.

    Here’s what I discovered:

    Love the present moment.

    Fully accept it and fully love it. It took me a long time to understand that you can want to change or move towards a goal, and still love where you’re at now. Life is about living and embracing each moment, not looking to some future that will never come.

    Find the blessings in the current situation.

    No matter how dark your situation seems, there is a jewel hidden somewhere inside it. You can make up your mind to see only the bad stuff, or you go find the beautiful stuff and be grateful for it.

    Understand that there is no magic moment that will save you—and rejoice!

    We’re all looking for that thing that will give us deep fulfilment. But it’s not outside of you. It’s not hiding in a job, in cars, in a house, in a relationship, or anything else. Those are all nice things to have. But that deep fulfilment will not come from any of those sources.

    You’re already a full and complete person. And part of connecting with that deep fulfilment is simply in finding the joys in the current moment.

    —

    These three simple steps broke the hold that “someday” had on me. I realized that “someday” was every day. Every moment of our lives.

    I started to enjoy every day. And to my surprise the fulfilment I thought that I had to work for was right there all along—even though I had nothing that I thought I wanted!

    The funniest thing is that once I let go of that search for fulfilment, everything that used to live in the world of “someday” manifested into my life with ease. I have since found my soul mate, live next to the beach, run my own heart-based business, and although I’m no athlete, I’m definitely much healthier.

    However, I always remember that regardless of whether these things stay with me or go, I will always have fulfilment in my life.

    Sotake on any challenge or go after any goal with a clear conscience knowing that you don’t need it to become completely fulfilled right now.

    You are already complete.

    Man on top of the world image via Shutterstock

  • Releasing Comparisons: No One Is Perfect and We All Deserve Love

    Releasing Comparisons: No One Is Perfect and We All Deserve Love

    Woman Hugging Herself

    “Comparison is the thief of joy.” ~Theodore Roosevelt

    I spent my teenage years and early twenties believing that my weight was my worth; that I had to look and be a particular way to be accepted or loved.

    I lived in a negative cycle of comparing myself to everyone. I remember sitting in on one of my lectures in university, trying to work out if my lecturer was fatter or thinner than me.

    I look back now and wonder how many times I missed the fun and parties I was too scared to go to because I felt too fat or uncool or whatever negative feeling I was dwelling on at the time.

    When I was twenty-seven, my boyfriend of three years dumped me, on the day I found out I was pregnant. Worse still, or so it felt at the time, just a few months later he had a new girlfriend, a beautiful girl, who was also a single mother.

    I think the day I saw them together was the day I hit rock bottom. I cried so much and lost fourteen pounds in five days. I felt absolutely shattered and utterly worthless.

    Why wasn’t I good enough?

    How could he not want his own baby yet love another man’s child?

    Was I too ugly?

    Was I too fat?

    Why wasn’t I lovable?

    Destructive thoughts whizzed around my head in a very unhealthy manor.

    I lost my baby, which also made me feel worthless.

    His new girlfriend had everything I thought I wanted. She had the perfect body, she was absolutely gorgeous, she also had a baby, and the man I loved, loved her.

    I had to learn to love myself. It wasn’t easy to start, but the first step was to stop comparing myself unfavorably to everyone, especially her.

    It was destroying me.

    With everything that happens to you, you can either feel sorry for yourself or treat it as a gift.

    I wallowed in self-pity, regret, and depression for eighteen months. One day I stumbled upon Dr. Wayne Dyer’s Your Erroneous Zone. It was the book that woke me up and made me realize only I could change the way I was seeing myself and my past.

    The past was gone, done, over. I couldn’t change it, no matter how much it hurt. I had to accept what was, and most importantly, I had to learn to see myself in a different light.

    Here’s I how I did it.

    At first I kept a list of everything nice anyone said to me.

    I started a gratitude journal.

    I went back to basics—appreciation, picking love over fear.

    I learned that just because he didn’t love me, that didn’t mean that I’m unlovable.

    Slowly but surely, I began to see my value.

    I realized I was a worthwhile human being after all.

    As a nutritionist, I help clients change their health every day, so whenever I felt truly helpless, I would find some who needed my help and offer it for free. Was it good business? Some would say no, but for me, it was therapy.

    Kindness therapy, you get what you give. I was giving love, and in return I found myself. If you ever feel helpless, reach out and help someone. Smile at a stranger. It maybe the only person they see smile at them all day. You never know the ripple effect of the kindness you spread.

    I wrote articles on nutrition for magazines. At first, I think this was to give me validation. Seeing my name printed in a magazine must mean I’m a worthwhile human being, right?

    But the letters of gratitude I received made me realize that I knew things that could help people. One lady wrote to me saying her daughter’s behavior had improved dramatically after she implemented the changes I had suggested.

    These small things helped me realize that while I may not look like a Victoria’s Secret model, like my ex’s new girlfriend, I am still a worthwhile human being who has the ability to help people.

    I also started to see that even those who appear to “have it all” to the outside world often still have their own issues going on. I realized that having looks like a Victoria’s Secret model doesn’t protect you from heartbreak or sadness, a fact I had ignored until now.

    Cheryl Cole is one of the most beautiful women in show business, yet her husband cheated on her.

    We have to love ourselves. Comparison and envy are destructive forces that steal away contentment and block the flow of love. We don’t have to prove we are good enough to anyone; we just have to realize we were born worthy of love, and we’re lovable exactly as we are.

    I’ve learned that there will always be people who are more and less attractive than me. However, beauty is subjective, and we all have different taste.

    I believe beauty is a characteristic of a person. Beauty comes from a person’s soul. Beauty is in a person’s actions, how they treat people, how they care about people, and who they are as a person.

    So don’t live a half-life comparing yourself to others. Comparison in any form is destructive. Downward comparisons can make you vain and upward comparisons can make you bitter.

    We all deserve to be loved by others and to love others, but first we need to love ourselves.

    Love yourself just as you are. You, as much as anyone else in the world, deserve your own love.

    Woman hugging herself image via Shutterstock

  • Marrying Joy: You’re the One You’ve Been Waiting For

    Marrying Joy: You’re the One You’ve Been Waiting For

    Marrying Joy

    “Waking up to who you are requires letting go of who you imagine yourself to be.” ~Alan Watts

    There had been other voices asking such questions as “How can this be happening?” and “When will this end?” that I understood: My partner was planning his honeymoon before our divorce was final.

    After the divorce, a voice asked a question I didn’t understand, “Will you marry me?”

    “Marry me” popped into my head at what seemed to me the least likely times: talking zip codes with my new mailman at my new home, passing strangers on the street, visiting old friends, playing with my toddler granddaughter, making new friends at parties, and seeing myself in the mirror.

    “Will you marry me?” would flash through my head and make me feel needy, as if I had been walking on a bridge that suddenly turned to sawdust. I forgot what I was thinking, what anyone was saying. I felt unloved and unworthy, and I was falling.

    If the person I had thought was my best friend for twenty-seven years could dump me, why would anyone want to be my friend, much less marry me? Why would anyone want to hire me? Then “Will you marry me?” led to me being fired for the first time in my life from the best paying job of my career.

    Being hired at that salary surely proved I was relevant and moving forward with my life. But I froze when “Will you marry me?” yelled in my head as my supervisor, who was the same age as my children, gave me the simplest instructions.

    I forgot how to edit, research, write, and even type. I stared blankly at him as I listened to “Will you marry me?” Of course I didn’t want to marry this kid or anyone else.

    The question began roosting on my headboard when I fell asleep and pecking at my eyelids when I woke. It tagged along, ambushing me all day until it was in the driver’s seat and driving me to the brink.

    Dumped, jobless, and joyless, I sat by a pond—that would have been the perfect place to jump in had it been full of piranha—and pondered the hounding “Marry me.”

    At first I dismissed it as my subconscious being desperate for stability and companionship, my longing to once again have the family circle that I thought we had created for a lifetime. Then I dismissed it as if the question were a bully taunting that no one wanted me.

    I told myself to stop it, just stop. Please. I gathered what few spiritual and gestalt resources I could and used the one that never failed to ground me. I breathed. In and out. In and out.

    I felt relief until a voice chastised me for not doing this sooner. I smiled at the thought and myself. The thought dissolved and I breathed, in and out. In and out. Sweet peace warmed me when that voice demanded, “Will you marry me?”

    I asked myself why I was hearing this question. Is this what I wanted someone to ask me? Or was I doing the asking?

    I breathed and waited. In and out. In and out. The answer came back that I was doing the asking. Okay, I was asking. I could accept that. But who was I asking? I hadn’t thought of anyone besides my partner in those terms for decades.

    I waited and breathed. In and out. In and out. In and out. A breeze rippled the deep-blue pond, wild jasmine perfumed the air, the light shifted, birds sang, and the hard ground I was sitting on grew harder before the answer came: “Myself.”

    Myself? I was asking myself to marry me? Really? That’s what this was about? My burst of laughter flung me back on the ground, which made the couple snuggling nearby look to see if I was losing it.

    I felt ridiculous and pathetic until it dawned on me what “Marry me” meant: I was begging myself to love me, to be my best companion, my worthiest friend, my most trusted love. When I hadn’t understood the question, the voice had asked more often and louder until I could hear nothing else.

    In that moment I wanted nothing but to be gentle with myself, to support myself, to compliment myself, to explore my interests, to travel wherever I most wanted to go, and to share my joy, charm, and grace with everyone.

    I felt pride for having tried to build a happy family and for having the courage to accept that chapter of my life was over, for better and for worse, and the strength to rediscover myself, for better or for worse.

    All the hurts, jabs, and bitterness fell away. I wanted to silence anyone—especially myself—who thought I was awkward and undeserving. I wanted to celebrate magnificent me.

    When I stood, I felt taller, straighter, as if my spine had grown by inches. I felt more love and more lovable than I had since I was a child.

    I walked around the pond, barely touching the ground as I recognized I was the person I had been waiting for my whole life, the person I could trust to make me happy, the person anyone would be lucky to have for a partner.

    Since the pond, I love to go to parties and concerts with friends or alone, to run into people I’d like to know better and join them for tea, to offer and accept invitations to dine, and to ask new and old friends to meet me for a film or berry picking or hiking or kayaking.

    And when I occasionally find myself at home alone on a Saturday night, when in the past I’d have been downtown with my partner and our friends, I delight in figuring out what I want to do. And my delight energizes my entire being.

    For the first time since I was a child, what I am doing feels right and sure. I have fallen in love with myself again, I delight in the minutes again, I enjoy my friends again, and I am aware of my many blessings again.

    Expecting full joy has opened my heart to more than I imagined, and the paths to pursue fullness have opened to me. Before, when I expected unhappiness to continue, it did.

    Most revealing about who I was, I realize that I never expected to experience such fullness as a single person. I thought my completeness depended on someone else.

    Now I know that what I’ve sought I’ve had all along, whether as a partner or single. I was just waiting for me to notice.

    Is being a single person my destination or part of my journey?

    Sharing this last chapter of my life with a magnificent someone else would be a beautiful bonus since I have married myself to the joy of simple awareness, of breathing in and out. In and out. Deeply.

    Men who are fully alive are beginning to appear in my life. One called last night. I’m breathing in and out.

    If you’ve also found yourself newly single, challenge your expectations about what you need to be happy, and then…

    Meet yourself.

    Fall in love with yourself.

    Bedazzle yourself with joy.

    Share your joy.

    Breathe in and out.

    Girl at the ocean image via Shutterstock

  • Overcoming the Fear of Vulnerability and Unlocking Your Power

    Overcoming the Fear of Vulnerability and Unlocking Your Power

    Open Heart

    “To share your weakness is to make yourself vulnerable; to make yourself vulnerable is to show your strength.” ~Criss Jami

    Wanting to avoid pain and shield ourselves from it is natural—and, by the way, completely not possible, because as we close up to protect ourselves against pain, we also block out the light that reflects from it.

    Despite our best efforts, the boundaries that we’ve built around our hearts to protect us from feeling pain, discomfort, and hurt are the very chains that keep us tethered to it, disallowing us from feeling the opposites—joy, love and passion.

    Only in embracing our true nature, at our deepest core level, as emotional, vulnerable, and feeling beings are we able to tap our resilient inner strength.

    Have you ever tried to cross your arms in front of your heart while smiling or laughing at the same time? Try it. It feels weird. You may be aware that you’re smiling or laughing, but you sure don’t feel like it.

    Or, try throwing your arms up wide with a big open heart like you just crossed the finish line of an amazing race, and see if you can wear a frown or angry face. It simply feels unnatural. This is because we are feeling beings and our heart center is our core feeling center.

    When we block our heart, we block the feelings as well, and when we open our heart it feels unnatural to be anything but joyous.

    Our feelings are indicators of our current alignment with our soul’s path and higher energy source.

    I used to stuff feelings down deep, especially negative ones, not understanding that by doing so I was suppressing my unique intuitive guidance system.

    Feelings are there to teach us something about ourselves and reveal to us our true desires. It is only in a state of vulnerability, when we drop the armor around our hearts, that we can truly access these feelings and lessons to become centered, strong, and wise.

    My early childhood and adolescent years were largely dysfunctional. I grew up broke for the most part in an unstable household, where my father, who was an alcoholic, was also verbally or physically abusive.

    This environment imprinted on my young developing mind a perception that the world was difficult. I viewed the world through a lens smudged of struggle, and this perception became my reality as I felt I had to muscle my way through life in in an effort to not end up like my past.

    As a result, I spent the better part of three decades unconsciously building walls to protect myself from these fears and insecurities I knew as a child.

    Vulnerability meant emotional pain, so I developed thick skin growing up. From the vantage point of others, I had a good front of just being strong-willed and determined; and my fear of being judged by my dysfunctional upbringing was somewhat minimalized.

    As I made my way through life, I’ve always seemed happy enough, pretty enough, and smart enough, yet I grew acutely aware there was a happiness ceiling I was hitting my head on, fully conscious of the fact that it simply was not high enough.

    While I experienced happiness regularly, when it came to feeling joyful, there seemed to be a disconnect. I was too guarded and allowed myself to become hardened, stiff, and in a state of resistance.

    I thought that in order to be strong and powerful I had to be tough and put up a good fight, putting up protective layers of resistance. Ironically, in an effort to be strong, I was giving up my power.

    My happiness was largely contingent on other things happening or not happening as if it was out of my control. I now can attribute this disconnect as a result of resisting my true authentic nature and not staying open and vulnerable to the calling of my inner Higher Self, due to the layers of walls and blockages I have built.

    There came a point in my life after my father’s traumatic death to cancer when I decided I no longer would accept going through my days hardened, disconnected, or defensive. I had not fully forgiven him at the time of his passing, but I made a conscious choice then, and now it’s a daily evolution, where I choose to surrender to my vulnerability instead of hiding from it.

    Through yoga, meditation, and a lot of conscious intention setting, I began to shed these walls one layer at a time, revealing each time the softer side that I’ve always known to be a core part of my being—the side that is moldable, connected and resides with a deep inner knowing; the part that changes, grows and allows.

    These days I choose to take my power back and wear my heart on my sleeve, where it belongs. This doesn’t mean I’m overly emotional, but I do allow myself to be vulnerable, to drop my resistance and feel my way through my experiences, reflecting as needed in pursuit for higher meaning behind anything that would otherwise cause me pain.

    I’m acutely aware that everything is fleeting or temporary, and because of this I try my best not to take things for granted. With this awareness I feel I have no choice but to completely absorb the moment by allowing myself to be vulnerable and truly deeply feel.

    The challenge lies in discerning what beliefs no longer serve you and understanding that, while you have emotions and deep feelings, you are not these emotions or feelings, and rather they are there to help guide your life’s experiences.

    If we move through life mistaking vulnerability for weakness, or build walls to hide from our vulnerability, we stifle the fruition of the very experiences we long for, and true love, joy, passion, and freedom will fall painfully at our feet, appearing out of reach.

    To be vulnerable is to be in a state of trust and courage. From this state, all things are possible and our drive, willpower, and strength align with who we really are, not what we fear.

    Any strength that lies outside of vulnerability is a façade built by fear. It must be shed to allow our completely raw and unrefined truth to shine through, so we can deeply experience all of life’s’ beautiful sharp edges.

    Joyful woman image via Shutterstock

  • How to Deal with Criticism Well: 25 Reasons to Embrace It

    How to Deal with Criticism Well: 25 Reasons to Embrace It

    “Criticism is something you can easily avoid by saying nothing, doing nothing, and being nothing.” ~Aristotle

    At the end of the day, when I feel completely exhausted, it often has nothing to do with all the things I’ve done.

    It’s not a consequence of juggling multiple responsibilities and projects. It’s not my body’s way of punishing me for becoming a late-life jogger after a period of laziness. It’s not even about getting too little sleep.

    When I’m exhausted, you can be sure I’ve bent over backward trying to win everyone’s approval. I’ve obsessed over what people think of me, I’ve assigned speculative and usually inaccurate meanings to feedback I’ve received, and I’ve lost myself in negative thoughts about criticism and its merit.

    I work at minimizing this type of behavior, and I’ve had success for the most part, but admittedly, it’s not easy. (more…)