Tiny Buddha

Tag: joy

  • Clear Your Emotional Clutter and Open Up to Joy (Interview and Giveaway)

    Clear Your Emotional Clutter and Open Up to Joy (Interview and Giveaway)

    Woman Jumping

    UPDATE – The winners for this giveaway are:

    • C
    • Lori Pacheco

    When I was in my early twenties, I spent three months in a residential treatment center in a last-ditch effort to heal from depression and bulimia. Among many different treatment modalities, I participated in an experiential therapy that involved a ropes course and other adventure activities.

    One day, along with a dozen other frail women, I strapped a backpack full of tennis balls on my back and climbed to the top of a rock wall. It was hard enough to walk on some days; getting to the top with what felt like ten cats clinging to my back took everything I had in me.

    It was only when I completed the task, exhausted, that I understood the point of this draining exercise.

    Our therapist then instructed us, one by one, to open our backpacks and toss each ball down to the ground, naming each an emotion that had caused us pain.

    “This is my shame,” I yelled. “This is my anger. And this is my self-loathing.”

    This metaphorical emotional unloading, combined with the energetic release that often follows extreme exertion, brought me a lightness of being that I’d never before experienced.

    I had lived my life like the climb up that wall—weighed down by my emotions—and I had a glimpse of what it felt like to be free of them.

    Still, while the exercise was liberating, I didn’t know how to recreate that feeling of emotional freedom in my everyday life.

    Years later, I learned that mindfulness could provide the peace I desperately craved. I learned that I could fully embody the present moment, and see the people and things right in front of me without filtering them through my fickle emotions. I learned that I no longer had to live trapped inside a mind that constantly bombarded me with disempowering stories about my painful past.

    No one has to live that way. And the good news is, clearing that “emotional clutter” doesn’t require a daily trip up a rock wall.

    We can all overcome our toxic patterns and find freedom from the old pains and traumas that have weighed us down. Mindfulness is the key, and anyone, at any age, in any circumstances, can learn to practice it and reap the benefits.

    In his new book Clearing Emotional Clutter: Mindfulness Practices for Letting Go of What’s Blocking Your Fulfillment and Transformation, author Donald Altman combines modern neuroscience with ancient practices to show how habits and patterns can be modified with only a few minutes of attention daily.

    It’s a powerful book that can hep anyone release their emotional pain to find happiness, fulfillment, and peace.

    I wish I’d found this book, and these practices, years ago, as they truly are life-changing.

    I’m grateful that Donald took the time to answer some questions about his work and his book, and that he’s offered two free copies for Tiny Buddha readers.

    Clearing Emotional ClutterTHE GIVEAWAY

    To enter to win one of two free copies of Clearing Emotional Clutter:

    • Leave a comment below
    • For an extra entry, tweet: Enter the @tinybuddha giveaway to win a free copy of Clearing Emotional Clutter http://bit.ly/1SLXcyB

    *US winners will receive a physical book in the mail; winners outside the US will receive an eBook.

    THE INTERVIEW

     1. Tell us a little about yourself and what inspired you to write this book.

    Mindfulness has helped me immensely in my life. I got on this path when I was going through a difficult life transition and found myself repeating an old, toxic pattern. It’s that idea that wherever you go, your problems always follow you. That is, unless you do something about it!

    Around that time I met a Burmese Buddhist monk—the Venerable U. Silananda—who had been teaching mindfulness in the U.S. since the 1970s. He possessed a palpable sense of compassion and availability that made me ask the question: How does someone become like that?

    When I had the opportunity to ordain with him as the head of the monastery, I jumped at it. Although I was in the monastery for a short period of time, it was an experience that changed my life direction because I was primed and ripe for the experience of looking inward.

    I wrote my first spiritual book while at the monastery, and continued to train with one of the monks afterward. I’m very grateful for the transformative experience the monks provided for me, which helped me nurture greater compassion and connect with my purpose. Now, my writing is focused on helping others find joy and fulfillment.

    Clearing Emotional Clutter is an important book for me because it integrates cutting edge brain science and research with the ancient practice of mindfulness. It shows that you don’t have to go into a monastery to transform your life, overcome past negative clutter, and rewire your brain.

    2. How do we accumulate “emotional clutter,” and why do we need to clear it out?

    No one can control what happens in life. There are losses, aging, and challenges throughout every stage of life, not to mention the daily wear and tear of stress. What we can do is to respond skillfully by not letting the emotional clutter pull us into states of dis-ease and unhappiness.

    By clearing out clutter, we can transform even difficult moments and respond to life in a way that helps us find the inherent joy that is present.

    3. You talk about getting off the emotional elevator. What do you mean by that?

    You can think of your emotions like an elevator that takes you up and down. What moves the elevator? What old programs are running in your head that push the buttons on your elevator to that it moves you up and down? Something good happens in your life and the elevator goes up. Something bad—even a perception of something being bad—and the elevator shoots down. But what if you could control that yourself?

    This book helps you decide who and what you are going to let push your emotional elevator buttons. Letting others push our mood elevator buttons can be exhausting. We’re not in control of our own elevator. Clearing away clutter means you get free from old emotional clutter programming and ways of thinking.

    4. In Chapter Two, you introduced a tool called “Inner-Facebooking.” Can you elaborate a little on this and share an example of how it’s helped you personally?

    Facebook is a wonderful way to post and put up for others what’s happening in our lives. In the same way, we are constantly putting up mental posts in our minds—through our thoughts and beliefs—that represent a kind of second Facebook: An Inner-Facebook, which shapes how we experience the world, ourselves, and others.

    If your Inner-Facebook posts are unhappy and unflattering, no wonder you feel bad and depressed. I have a whole chapter about noticing your Inner-Facebook posts so you can be more aware. Inner-Facebooking is a skill that helps you to emotionally regulate. Then you can change your Inner-Facebook posts to be more positive and accurate.

    Personally, I’ve gotten better at noticing my own inner-Facebooking posts. For example, my luggage was lost when traveling recently. But rather than respond to the highly reactive and anxious thoughts that my mind posted in that moment, I was able to step back and make a new, more realistic and helpful post that said, “My luggage is going to be found. Besides, in the big scope of things, losing my luggage isn’t that big a deal.”

    5. In Chapter Four, you wrote, “Much of the clutter of discomfort, discontent, and conflict that we experience in life comes from our unwillingness to accept things as they are.” I think we often equate acceptance with giving up. How can we simultaneously reduce the clutter of resistance while working to make positive changes in our lives?

    Acceptance is about realistically viewing your situation. It’s about surrendering to the truth that you may not have control over the situation. You recognize that it is what it is. That does not mean you are giving up. Submission, on the other hand, is about giving up.

    Acceptance allows us to surrender to the truth of our situation. So, if you’re frustrated at being caught in a traffic jam on the freeway, for example, you can have acceptance of what you’re experiencing instead of fighting with it. This means that you can then move forward in a more realistic and effective way instead of getting all stressed out and carrying the experience with you throughout your day.

    6. You devoted an entire chapter to “family emotional clutter.” How do we accumulate this type of clutter, and how does it negatively impact our lives?

    In my workshops I always ask, “Does anyone here have a difficult person in your life?” Everyone raises their hands.

    Family emotional clutter can negatively impact our future relationships and how safe we feel around others. If you’ve had negative relationship issues that have been a pattern in your life, that’s a sign you need to work on that clutter. Repairing this will lead to more loving, healthy, fulfilling, and secure relationships.

    7. What’s one thing we can do to begin releasing “family emotional clutter” to avoid these negative consequences?

    First, we can recognize that all people have suffered, even that person in your family who may have mistreated you. In fact, your family’s suffering may go back centuries. So, rather than feeling permanently victimized, it’s important not to pass on the wave of suffering in your family, and to know that you can heal.

    I believe that we can get a new brain download by finding benefactors in our lives. We can learn how to attune and alter our brain’s social and emotional rewiring. It’s a helpful process that I describe in one of the Lifestyle Tools found in Clearing Emotional Clutter.

    8. You talk about friendships as a tool to release emotional clutter. How and why can our relationships help with this, and how can we help other people release their emotional clutter as well?

    Research shows that having friends is the key to a happier life. The three seeds that make friendship grow and mature are the seeds of trust, acceptance, and empathy.

    Trust is essential, and that takes time to develop, so you need patience and real mutuality in a relationship.

    Acceptance means not being so demanding. It means accepting that everyone has flaws. Sometimes you need to let things to as a foundation for friendship.

    Lastly is empathy. Empathy is what lets you really feel connected to a friend. Develop these and you’ll develop friendship.

    9. In the chapter devoted to listening, you shared an acronym, HEAR, that can help us keep our emotional clutter out of conversations and “enter a more spacious and less defensive awareness.” Can you tell us a little about that and how it helps?

    Talking can be clutter that sometimes blocks understanding and deeper meaning. If we are to remove clutter in the moment, we need to be present with all our senses, especially listening. This acronym is designed to help us when we’ve stopped listening—like during an argument, or when we’re feeling defensive or caught up in our own opinion. It goes as follows:

    H- Hold all assumptions. Empty your ego and get curious. Set your personal beliefs and assumptions aside for a few minutes and take a more objective perspective as you listen.

    E- Empathy to engage, not enrage. With empathy, you can enter the emotional world of the other person so you can understand them better rather than try to deny or devalue what they are feeling.

    A- Absorb and accept. Understanding, with openness. Let in the ideas of the other person. Acceptance doesn’t mean you have to agree, but that you can accept this is the other’s belief.

    R- Reflect, then respect. Take time to pause before you respond. Take a step back so that you can think about what you’ve heard. Then, respond respectfully and with kindness.

    10. In Part 3 of the book, you explore ways to prevent new emotional clutter. What’s one practical thing we can all do daily to de-clutter?

    I especially like the idea of being faithful to this moment. You can be 100% committed to whatever you are doing. Uni-task, so you are fully present with this moment. This means fidelity to the breath, to walking, to eating, to working. Whatever you are doing, you can do so fully, without your mind being one place and your body being someplace else.

    That means that when you walk, walk. When you eat, eat. When you drive your car, drive. Cut down on the distractions and do one thing fully. In this way you can appreciate and savor even the most ordinary moments and that “in-between” time that is an important part of our days and lives.

    You can read more about Clearing Emotional Clutter on Amazon here.

    FTC Disclosure: I receive complimentary books for reviews and interviews on tinybuddha.com, but I am not compensated for writing or obligated to write anything specific. I am an Amazon affiliate, meaning I earn a percentage of all books purchased through the links I provide on this site. 

    Woman jumping image via Shutterstock

  • What Happened Is Done

    What Happened Is Done

    What happened is done

    Source: NotSalmon.com

  • When Life Takes a Detour: Turning Uncertainty Into Joy

    When Life Takes a Detour: Turning Uncertainty Into Joy

    Happy Woman

    “I will love the light for it shows me the way, yet I will endure the darkness because it shows me the stars.” ~Og Mandino

    You know when you get a major wake up call that shakes you to the core and gets you to focus on what’s truly important? That’s what 2014 was for me.

    My boyfriend and I had gotten married in May 2014 after moving from Toronto to a small town to be closer to his aging mother.

    I was working thirteen-hour days to re-establish my wellness business, and things were slowly picking up. I was finally adjusting to the quiet country night and whinnying horses across the road. I envisioned a “happily ever after.”

    Life, however, had other plans.

    In August, three months after our wedding, my husband had a debilitating stroke that almost killed him. Actually, it was his third stroke. The first two left him speechless for a few weeks, but the last one paralyzed him on his left side.

    Boom! Life changed forever, in an instant. He had to learn how to eat, walk, and adjust to the possibility of not being able to use his left hand again. I had to adjust to the idea of being a thirty-four-year old caregiver, and felt so very alone in my new surroundings.

    Between driving back and forth to the hospital every day for three months, the song and dance of having to buy a new car, and having to find a new accessible place to live, in a new town (even farther from my family and friends), I completely lost myself.

    I didn’t know who I was as a wife, and I didn’t know what I wanted in life anymore. There was too much “newness,” and I felt like a boat with no anchor. The transition to the “new normal” was a challenge, to say the least.

    I often dipped back into my memory of how things used to be and stressed out about things I’d never really given a second thought: As a caregiver, would I be able to leave the house at all? How would we cope being farther away from friends and family? What if he had another debilitating stroke and had no choice but to live in a nursing home?

    Thankfully, our adjustment to our new situation and surroundings got better as the months rolled on. After a while, I was able to slowly turn my uncertainty into joy. That is what I want to share with you today.

    Step 1: Make space to process your “now.”

    When you’re dealing with new challenges and uncertainty, it can be disorienting and overwhelming. It almost feels like you’re driving along a familiar route, and in the blink of an eye you’re on a completely different street. You have no clue where you are and how to get back to where you were.

    The first question you may ask yourself is, “What the heck just happened?!”

    When adversity and uncertainty present themselves and you’re left trying to re-establish a life that’s comfortable and familiar, it’s easy to dwell on should, woulda, coulda or bury yourself in distractions.

    This, however, is the perfect opportunity to carve out some time to process how you’re really feeling in the present moment. For me, this was a daily routine of meditation and talking to friends. Make it a point to connect with your body and emotions every day so you can move forward with a clearer head.

    There’s no shame in getting support to process your current situation, either.

    Step 2: Define what a joyful life looks and feels like to you.

    Going with the same analogy above, you can try to find a way to get back to the street you were on, but did that path truly make you happy?

    Before trying to “fix the problem,” it’s important to sit down with yourself and have an honest conversation. What was missing in your life before? What would have to be in place for you to live the joyful version of yourself, every day?

    What I realized through my husband’s health crisis was that I wasn’t making time to actually live. To me, living meant working hard but also making time for family and fun.

    I became committed to unplugging in the evenings to spend time with my husband and ditching my computer every afternoon for daily walks. I now feel more active and connected to my spirit.

    It may take less than you think to make your vision a reality.

    Step 3: Take care of your body to minimize the blues.

    The stress that comes with adversity and uncertainty sometimes leads to unhealthy coping mechanisms. For me, stress leads to carb and sugar binging, which leads to weight gain, which leads to lowered energy and lowered self-esteem.

    Making a date with a friend, your partner, or yourself every day to get outside for ten to twenty minutes might be all you need to boost your mood, energy, and overall health. Exercise is a great mood booster too.

    Step 4: Let go of limiting thoughts around not knowing or not being in control.

    If you’re Type-A like me, you actually beat yourself up for not being able to think up a clever solution. I tried to be the drill sergeant reminding him to do his daily exercises, but this only stressed him out. I put a lot of pressure on myself to make money quickly, but having limited opportunities to leave the house shut that down almost 90% of the time.

    There’s no shame in not being able to fix a situation. Sometimes it’s a matter of being patient instead of fixing.

    Once you let go of the idea of having to control everything and accept yourself for what you are (human, that is), it becomes easier to connect with yourself, others, and your desires from a calmer, joyful place.

    Step 5: Stay curious and explore something new.

    Whether or not you’ve figured out what your perfect scenario would be—the big picture of your what you really want in life—it’s important to stay open to unexpected opportunities that pique your interest. This will help you infuse your day with tiny pieces of joy.

    After my husband’s stroke, I had no clue what I wanted to do, and that was really scary for me.

    Eventually, with some help from a social worker and friends, I started to trust the universe and view my limbo as an opportunity to try something I’ve always wanted to try: drawing. It was soothing for me, low cost, and brought me more joy than I ever thought it could. My ideas and energy started to flow again, and it eventually led me to start a new business.

    Never underestimate the power of exploration with intention.

    What’s in your box?

    You can’t predict the way your life will unfold. There isn’t a book you can read that will prepare you for what you’ll actually experience and feel if the rug is pulled from under you.

    Uncertainty can be a big package of overwhelm and fear. But, actively looking for and believing that there are other things in the box, like gratitude and joy, can make the package you’ve been given a whole lot more rewarding.

    Happy woman image via Shutterstock

  • How to Be Happier Without Making Any Big Life Changes

    How to Be Happier Without Making Any Big Life Changes

    “The place to be happy is here. The time to be happy is now.” ~Robert G. Ingersoll

    In 2014 I changed my whole life.

    I quit a horrible job, traveled to Costa Rica and Panama, moved across the country, moved in with my partner, and landed my dream job in an education charity.

    Why did I change so much? The answer is simple—happiness.

    I had spent three years planning and dreaming of a different future for myself. One where I could travel, have a job I found meaningful, and live with my boyfriend in our own flat. Finally, after one morning too many spent in tears, I built up the courage to quit my job.

    I spent the next few months riding on a wave of relief. Everything was going to be all right. I was going to be happy and in love with my life.

    The problem was, this didn’t happen.

    It soon became clear that I wasn’t experiencing the blissful future that I’d dreamed of. I ended up feeling even worse than I had felt before I changed anything. A sense of dread and helplessness crept over me as I realized that changing your life situation doesn’t automatically make you happier.

    There was no pot of gold at the end of the rainbow.

    After a month or two of trying to pull myself out of a depression by making plans for a long off future, I started reading what I could about life and happiness. I went back to books I’d started but hadn’t finished and reread old favorites.

    As I read and reread these books, I started to notice a pattern. At the heart of all the arguments and instructions in those books were the same two ideas:

    1. Be aware of your thoughts so your mind can’t control you.

    Learning how to be aware of thoughts rather than letting your mind control you seems to be essential to experiencing lasting happiness. Meditating every day, even just for ten or fifteen minutes, makes it easier to be aware of your thoughts and to learn how to quiet your mind.

    For me, being aware of my thoughts has made me more intentional about how I think about things. I now try to look at my life positively and search for solutions to issues rather than worrying about problems that might not even happen.

    Being in the present moment also takes the power away from your mind. In the present moment there’s no past to regret and no future to worry about, so you are naturally happier. Though keeping your attention in the present is hard to sustain, it’s simple to try.

    Give it a go by focusing what you can see around you right now. What sounds can you hear? What can you smell? What can your body feel? Don’t answer these questions in words, just move your attention to your different senses and acknowledge what they notice.

    I’ve now made being aware of my thoughts a daily practice. Instead of reading the news on my phone, I dedicate my ninety-minute commute to meditation and being present.

    As I walk to the train station I listen to the birds singing and hear the wind rustling in the trees. On the train I meditate for fifteen minutes before reading a book for the rest of the journey.

    How could you incorporate meditation and being present into your daily routine?

    *Recommended Reading: The Power of Now, by Eckhart Tolle

    2. Fill your life with things you enjoy now.

    This step is more straightforward. There’s an easy process you can follow to complete it. First, you need to write a list of all the times you’ve felt truly, deeply happy. What were you doing? Who were you with? Are there any common themes?

    After you identify the common themes that brought you so much joy, fill as much of your day-to-day life with them as possible!

    Could you take a walk in nature on your lunch break? Or could you listen to your favorite type of music while cooking dinner? Perhaps you could swap TV time for working on a creative project like crafting, drawing, or writing?

    I realized that some of my happiest moments happened outdoors when I was surrounded by nature. So now I’m trying to spend most of my free time outside, inviting friends and family along too so I can spend time with them. I’ve noticed that I’m so much more relaxed and I really look forward to my weekend’s adventures!

    Now it’s your turn! What changes can you make to fill your life with joy?

    *Recommended Reading: Finding Your Own North Star, by Martha Beck

    Making these little changes doesn’t mean that you can’t make a big change in your life. They will just help you to be happier in the process and put less pressure on the end result.

    Enjoy the journey along the rainbow and it won’t matter so much how much gold is at the end.

  • What Causes You More Sorrow Than Joy

    What Causes You More Sorrow Than Joy

    Opposite Direction

  • How Accepting the “Bad” Can Lead to Joy and Growth

    How Accepting the “Bad” Can Lead to Joy and Growth

    Man in Field

    “The main affliction of our modern civilization is that we don’t know how to handle the suffering inside us and we try to cover it up with all kinds of consumption.” ~Thich Nhat Hạnh

    Since I was little, I’ve been taught to avoid what’s “bad” and move toward what’s “good.”

    Growing up, my mom would work day and night not only to support me and my little brother with the basic necessities, but to give us a “good” life.

    She loved us, so naturally she wanted to support us and to give us happiness, and she was obsessed with the idea that if she grew her business we would all have just that.

    She went from selling clothing she sewed in our home to interested buyers to moving millions of dollars of merchandise, made by teams of sewers, to other companies who sold it for her.

    Everything was in an effort to help keep us away from the “bad” and give us the “good.” If anything, she taught us that money was definitely a primary focus (or so I thought).

    I learned to draw a clear distinction between good and bad, and that I’m supposed to react a very specific way toward one (sadness, anger, fear toward those things I didn’t want—the bad) and a very specific way toward the other (joy, happiness, feelings of peace toward those things I did want—the good).

    I lived so much of my life trying to minimize, even eliminate, the bad and amplify the good as high as it would go, following the example that was set for me.

    But I didn’t get anywhere.

    At certain points, things looked better for a time, but then something would happen and mess it all up. At that point, I was left with no energy to continue and wondering if it was even worth it to try.

    Oddly enough, we can have some of our most peaceful moments when we give up all efforts at trying to find or acquire happiness.

    Up until now, I’ve been talking about myself. But this isn’t just about me, is it? No, this is our story—all of ours.

    We’ve all been taught to avoid the bad and do whatever we can to attract, or move toward, the good.

    We’ve also been taught to react negatively to those perceived “bad” things and positively to those perceived “good” things.

    The thing is, good and bad are concepts created in our mind; they’re not reality.

    To divide reality in this way is what’s called “duality,” and it’s the misconception that there’s this imaginary separation between things that really doesn’t exist.

    It’s harmful to live by duality, to imagine that the sorrow we feel when a loved one dies and the joy we get when we smell a flower are separate and unrelated things.

    There’s a saying that goes, “Without the mud, there can be no lotus.”

    What this means is that without our suffering, without the difficulties and challenges we’re faced with, we literally wouldn’t have the capability to experience peace and joy.

    Our pain and suffering is the very soil within which the flower of our true potential can grow. 

    Five years ago I was filled with stress, anxiety, and fear.

    My first son was to be born in a matter of months, and I had no idea how I was going to support my family. I could barely pay my bills, let alone be an example for my son, having still not accomplished anything of value in my life.

    But by accepting my challenges fully and openly, with love and compassion, I became liberated. My mind became clear and my challenges became fuel for the fire of my love to burn and become bright.

    What initially seemed like a great challenge turned into my greatest source of motivation, the motivation to get out there and do something my son would be proud of. And in that moment, my challenges were transformed into great sources of peace and joy. The bad became the good.

    It’s because of the sorrow, the anger, the fear, and the regret, frustration, and stress we feel that we’re able to experience the joys that life has to offer.

    Pain and suffering and peace and happiness are literally one and the same, more of a spectrum than two separate and unrelated things. Without one, we wouldn’t have the other. Knowing this, you must learn how to accept your pain and suffering and transform it.

    We’re the lotus bud waiting to awaken to our true potential. If we can learn to accept our mud (our pain and suffering) openly, honestly, and compassionately, we can transform our very relationship with it and realize greater peace and joy.

    Sometimes, we do things we regret. Sometimes, people do things to us. And sometimes, things happen that will effect us for years to come, or our entire lives.

    No matter how you suffer, no matter what type of pain you feel, accepting it as the bed in which you will grow is a liberating shift in how you see the world.

    Many times, simply making the conscious decision, “I accept this suffering,” instead of running from it or trying to push it away as we’ve been taught to do, can bring us much peace and joy.

    This isn’t about some special technique or practice; it’s simply about that mental shift—making the decision in your mind to honestly and compassionately accept everything that comes your way, good or bad.

    You can use this simple mantra to empower you during tough times and to remind you to accept your pain and suffering with open arms:

    I see you here ______ (fear, anger, sorrow, stress). My arms are open wide. I accept you fully, with love and compassion.

    It’s with this pain and suffering that you’ll blossom into a beautiful lotus.

    Accept these challenges as opportunities for growth and you’ll realize the true peace, joy, and freedom that exists beyond the concept of “good” and “bad.” “Good” things happen when you stop resisting the “bad” and instead allow it to transform you.

    Man in field image via Shutterstock

  • The 3-Day Happiness Adventure: A Simple Guide to Getting Happy Fast

    The 3-Day Happiness Adventure: A Simple Guide to Getting Happy Fast

    Happy Woman

    “You have a choice each and every single day. I choose to feel blessed. I choose to feel grateful. I choose to be excited. I choose to be thankful. I choose to be happy.” ~Amber Housley

    What if I told you that you could dramatically and permanently increase your happiness within three days?

    And what if I told you that it was much easier than you think, based on a simple and logical approach, completely free, and you already have everything you need to succeed? Would you be interested? I assume you would be, but you might be skeptical.

    First, I am going to eliminate any skepticism, and then I will give you a straightforward and simple plan that you can implement for three days that will completely transform you, making you feel happier and leading you into a more grateful and abundant life. Sound good? Let’s begin.

    The Source of Happiness

    We’ve been taught that happiness is something to achieve, something that we go out and find.

    We look for a relationship, job, status, or lifestyle that we believe will make us happy. However, this approach to happiness has one major flaw: we are basing our happiness on things that constantly change and are beyond our control.

    By looking outside of ourselves for happiness, we are sure to have it forever slip through our grasp. Anything that might make us happy will not last, and this keeps us forever searching, always in pursuit. It has never worked and never will.

    But there are those who are consistently happy. What’s their secret? They have turned their attention inward and have realized one of the most thrilling and exciting aspects of life: that happiness comes from within, and that we can consciously choose to feel happy by directing our thoughts.

    Let’s try an exercise to illustrate this.

    Take a moment, close your eyes, and put your hands over your heart. Physically feel it beating.

    Be grateful for your heart and how it has guided you in your life. Ponder the fact that you didn’t have to earn your heart—it’s a gift. Think about how it’s always working for you, even while you’re sleeping. Really allow yourself to feel this. Take it in…

    Did you do the exercise? If not, go back and do it! You deserve a shot at happiness!

    Now, how does that feel? You have just redirected your mind to something positive. Positive thoughts lead to good feelings.

    With a little practice we can redirect our minds to think positively and to feel good. By following the instructions for the three-day happiness adventure, you will come to understand how to do just that.

    It’s All About How We Feel

    Like anyone else, I have had my share of struggle and difficulty. I have had moments of deep sadness, regret, loss, and fear.

    For years, I was involved in a relationship that tore me apart inside. I had pain and anger within me and I wanted to run from it, but I felt stuck and trapped.

    Eventually, it became too much to bear and I broke free from this detrimental relationship, got rid of nearly everything I owned, and moved to the other side of the world, to China.

    While in China, I went on a quest. I investigated Eastern mysticism, religions, and practices such as meditation, tai chi, and yoga. For years I searched, not knowing what I was searching for.

    Eventually, a lightbulb went off and I realized what I was looking for. In the end, it’s all about how we feel.

    We want a relationship, a job, a car, a higher status, to volunteer, or to fall in love because of how we think it will make us feel. And we want to avoid a breakup, a job loss, poverty, embarrassment, and the dentist because of the pain we think we will feel.

    I realized that how we feel is ultimately the result of our thoughts and what we pay attention to. Therefore, happiness and joy rely primarily on our attitude and perspective.

    I resolved to direct my mind. I was determined to focus only on that which I loved and was grateful for.

    Within a couple days, my entire life transformed. I was astonished by the changes that took place so quickly. And I was completely amazed at my ability to direct my thoughts and attention, a skill that I had left dormant all my life.

    Today, I wake up feeling terrific nearly every day. And many days I feel as if I am walking around in total amazement of the beauty around me, and in awe of the power within me. Yet, of course, I still face some difficulty and struggle, but much less than before. And that’s okay; some struggle is necessary.

    From difficulty often come our greatest lessons: loss can teach us what is truly precious, discontent can motivate us to imagine and pursue a greater life, and mistakes show us how we can become better. If we never knew sadness, we would never fully appreciate our happiness.

    Preparing For Your Happiness Adventure

    So our goal here is not to become like a happiness drone, constantly in a state of blissful joy, sitting cross-legged in utter contentment forever.

    Rather, the goal and the outcome of this three-day happiness adventure is to show you how to spend most of your time feeling good, feeling joyful and grateful.

    There is also another empowering outcome from this three-day adventure: it will show you that you are ultimately in charge of your state of mind and how you feel.

    In order to see results—truly exhilarating and mind-blowing results—you should give this your all.

    You will not see major changes if you do this halfheartedly or give up quickly. But if you really go for it and persist, weaving these exercises into the fabric of your life over the next three days, you will emerge from your cocoon as a butterfly, full of beauty and ready to soar for the rest of your life.

    Instructions for the Three-Day Happiness Adventure

    The instructions are simple and nothing needs to be added to this. For the next three days, you are to:

    1. Constantly point out what you love.

    All day, as much as possible, look for what you love and say it out loud.

    When something happens that you don’t like or if you find yourself thinking negatively, don’t fight it, don’t try to rid yourself of the negativity, simply look for something you love and point it out. You can say this to others or to yourself, but you should say it out loud as much as possible.

    Say: I love the way you smile, I love the color of those flowers, I love the smell of this food, I love how you did that, I love how this texture feels, I love how that tastes, I love taking care of you, I love how kind she is, I love this song, I love that I have a roof over my head, I love that I can so easily get light by flipping a switch, I love that I can read, I love that I have hands to do so much with, I love that there is so much beauty in the world and so on.

    2. Take eight minutes in the morning and eight minutes in the evening before going to bed to sit alone and undisturbed.

    Remove all distractions, all books and electronics. Sit only with your mind and list off some things you are grateful for. Say everything out loud.

    As you express your gratitude for each thing, person, and experience, take a moment to really feel how it feels to be grateful for that. Don’t rush through this. You can direct your thanks to a higher power, to your heart, or to nothing in particular; it doesn’t really matter.

    3. Every time you go to the restroom, pause for a moment and think of two things, people or experiences you are grateful for.

    Allow yourself to feel a sense of gratitude for these.

    4. Don’t watch or read any news.

    If you do this for three days, conscientiously and with persistence, you cannot fail to transform your perspective and your outlook. And, by doing so, your life will forever be more beautiful and joyful.

    We know that happiness is a choice. Now it’s in your hands. A path to greater happiness has been laid out for you. Will you choose to follow it?

    Happy silhouette via Shutterstock

  • 9 Unique Ways to Start Having More Fun

    9 Unique Ways to Start Having More Fun

    Having Fun

    “If you are not having fun you are doing something wrong.” ~Groucho Marx

    I was at my eye doctor’s office many years ago and he asked me what I do for fun. He said he asks this of everyone to see how they use their eyes.

    We got into a heavy conversation about how I feel many people no longer have fun. It seems like once people get into adulthood, we forget how or don’t even know what we think is fun.

    Oftentimes, people get up, go to a job they hate, come home, make dinner, and watch TV before going to bed, just do it all over again the next day. And don’t get me started on how people waste their entire weekends on chores and catching up on errands.

    The human race is bored!

    My doctor shared a story with me about a time when he asked one of his clients what she did for fun, and she burst into tears. She admitted to him that she doesn’t have fun anymore. She is a wife, mom, and working woman, and she forgot what fun looks like.

    She told him that before she got married she used to paint, but that she hasn’t in years. She used to spend hours, losing track of time, painting beautiful portraits. She said that painting was a huge part of who she was, and she lost that.

    A few weeks later my eye doctor received a package came in the mail. It was a beautiful hand-painted card that this client had painted for him. She thanked him profusely for waking her up to her passion of painting. She took it up again and it was bringing her peace, joy, and fun!

    Unfortunately, too many of us are just like this woman. We get caught up with the kids, house, job, chores, parents, dog—life—and we forget to have fun.

    I make it a point to have some fun every weekend. It can be as simple as walking the dog with friends, working out, or doing something new I have never done before. I go back to work renewed when I have fun during my weekend. I am a better spouse, worker, and person.

    Below are nine ways to add fun into your life:

    1. Daydream.

    Daydreaming gets a bad rap, but in fact, daydreaming is your mind’s way of sending your soul a message. If you daydream in a positive manner, you’ll be amazed at how creative your mind can be and the secrets it will tell you.

    Take a few minutes a day to sit and be quiet and just let your mind wander. Daydream about the kind of life you’d like to have. Anything is possible in dreams, so let loose and don’t hold yourself back.

    Pay attention and don’t think anything is foolish. You might want to write what you come up with on a piece of paper.

    As the saying goes, “if you want to know where your heart is, look to where your mind goes when it wanders.”

    2. Design your “perfect” twin.

    Oftentimes we can’t imagine ourselves stepping out of our comfort zone and doing something new and different. We get so locked into what we know that we can’t let go of who we think we are.

    Many years ago I gave a workshop and had the participants create their perfect “twin.” I asked them to make up another self that they wished to be. This exercise freed people; it gave them permission to be anyone they desired because it took the focus off of them.

    This should be fun and freeing, so let loose and make your twin be anything you want! What qualities would you give your twin? What would they do for fun and work? Who would their friends be?

    3. Write your own obituary.

    Okay, this may seem rather morbid, but this can have an eye-opening effect. Imagine you are at your own funeral with all of your friends, colleagues, and family gathered around. What would you want them to say about you?

    “Her house was always clean.”

    “He was a workaholic.”

    Or would you rather hear things like “She was so much fun, up for anything or “He didn’t take life too seriously and was always having a good time no matter what he was doing”?

    Write what you think they would say currently, and then write another obituary saying what you’d like them to say. What do you need to change?

    4. Create a vision board.

    Still can’t figure out what’s fun for you? Try making a vision board.

    Take a poster board and grab some old magazines, scissors, and glue. Flip through the magazines and cut out pictures and phrases that make you feel excited or hold meaning for you.

    Once you have them cut out, paste them to the poster board. Do you see a theme? What is the board telling you?

    5. Get rid of limiting beliefs.

    What we tell ourselves becomes our reality. If we think we can’t do something, then we can’t or won’t even try.

    For example, let’s say someone suggests skiing as something you might find fun. If you tell yourself that you’ll never be able to balance on skis, you probably won’t even try skiing.

    Stop reinforcing these limiting beliefs and start telling yourself you can do it.

    6. Give yourself permission.

    So many people don’t give themselves permission to have fun because they think it will detract from their responsibilities.

    Life is meant to be fun. What kid doesn’t love to see their mom or dad having fun, especially if it’s with them?

    Yes, we all have things that we are responsible for—kids, parents, house, job—but we need to remember to add in fun and give ourselves permission to have it. You’ll be a better person for it.

    7. Observe others.

    Sometimes I like to watch other people who seem to be having fun. I can be too serious at times, and when I feel like I can’t loosen up, I watch other folks who can.

    I had a gym teacher who was so much fun. Everyone loved her and she looked so comfortable in her skin and like she was having fun all the time.

    What did I notice? She laughed at herself all the time, she found the positive in everything, and she genuinely appreciated the good things in her life.

    Without her even knowing, she taught me how to have fun just by being herself.

    8. Count your blessings.

    People who count their blessings rather than complain about their troubles just naturally have more fun.

    Think about the people you know who are always moaning and groaning about their life. How much fun do you think they have? Would they even know fun if it bit them in the nose?

    Start a gratitude journal and see how much more fun life becomes without much effort.

    9. Stop being a perfectionist.

    I knew a woman many years ago that loved to knit, but wouldn’t show anyone her pieces because she thought they weren’t good enough. In fact, she gave up knitting years before because she thought she wasn’t good at it.

    Who cares if you aren’t the best golfer or guitar player? If you are having fun and you enjoy it, isn’t that the most important thing? You may or may not improve with time and practice, but that isn’t what matters.

    —

    You don’t have to feel that something is missing from your life or accept that your life is dull. It simply takes a little bit of hunting and soul searching and you can bring some joy and fun back into your life.

    Try these nine tips and see how much fun you and your family can enjoy.

    Kids having fun image via Shutterstock

  • 8 Ways to Reclaim the Joy We Knew as Babies

    8 Ways to Reclaim the Joy We Knew as Babies

    Happy Baby

    “The soul is healed by being with children.” ~Fyodor Dostoyevsky

    Last year, my husband and I became proud parents of a delicate little baby girl. And since then we have entered into a whole new world of unimaginable joy, love, and frustration.

    As we embark on this lifelong journey of being parents, I am starting to appreciate some of the simple joys that our daughter has brought into our life. Here are some of the little life lessons our tiny Buddha is teaching us on our journey as newly minted parents:

    1. Laugh.

    I have discovered that my new favorite thing is listening to my daughter giggle. The first time we heard it, we thought she was crying, but in fact she was laughing uncontrollably. That should give you some idea of how deeply she must have been feeling the joy.

    While these gurgling fits of laughter only come around every once in a while (for she can be quite a serious little baby), when they do arrive they give us such immense joy and we always end up laughing right along with her.

    It’s a simple reminder of the power of a good laugh! As adults, we’re often too caught up in our myriad of worries or troubles and the most laughing we do these days is in an “Lol.”

    Find the joy in your life, let it take over, and release that joy into the world through your smile or laugh.

    2. Awaken your sense of wonder.

    We discovered that being outdoors leaves her in awe. Her demeanor always turns to one of calm and quiet.

    She is mesmerized by the way the sunlight filters through the tangle of tree limbs and leaves on the giant oaks in our back yard or will stop mid play and look out the window at the pouring rain. She is already meditating and she doesn’t even know it!

    Everyday things that most of us overlook and take for granted are amazing to her because they are new and wonderful. It’s a gentle reminder of the soothing nature of nature. It is such a precious resource in this fast paced world.

    While we are all turning to apps that promise to make us happier or calmer, this little Buddha has already figured it out. All you have to do is put your phone down and take a walk outside.

    3. Listen more than you speak.

    Granted, baby talk is not exactly real speak. “Mama” and “baba” don’t turn into endless monologues about her diaper woes. But her mind is a sponge, and when you talk to her she is captivated. She hangs on to your every word and you have her full attention.

    If we all adopt the attitude that we have more to learn from others than we have to teach them, we would probably find that the relationships in our lives improve.

    4. Take risks and expect success.

    She discovered crawling at eight months old, and since then she has been crawling, clambering, reaching, stretching, and scaling things like there are no limits to what she can do.

    She has been on a mission to discover every nook and cranny in the house. No place is off limit. She fixes on a destination or object and she goes for it with gusto.

    As adults, we see things from a different perspective and are more attuned to the dangers that she could face. We also tend to take a more cautious approach to our own lives. But there is something to be said for the confident way babies approach life at this stage.

    Every once in a while, make a conscious decision to embrace the unknown, and trust that you have the capabilities within you to succeed.

    5. Live in the present.

    She has no concept of past or future at this stage. She feels joy fully, and feels pain fully. But just as quickly she is over the moment. If she hurts herself, she doesn’t dwell on the pain. A simple distraction will can get her back to her smiling self in a few seconds.

    She also doesn’t lose sleep worrying about whether she will be having pureed spinach or pureed squash for lunch tomorrow or how many more thigh rolls she has than the next baby. She is perfectly content with everything that is in the now.

    6. Love fiercely.

    The love you receive from a child is a love like no other. You are hooked, from the very first heartbeat to the first time you feel those tiny chubby fingers grab onto your world-worn hands.

    There is nothing like the comforting weight of their tiny head on your shoulder as they finally succumb to sleep, or the loving reach of their hands for any part of you just because they want to feel your touch. And you realize that this little person loves you with all their being.

    If I could demonstrate that same level of love to all those I care about in my life, I would have fantastic relationships. At a minimum, I can practice loving my husband in the same way and we would make sure that our children grow up to see a happy and loving marriage.

    7. Recognize that you don’t need “things” to be happy.

    Find joy in the simple things. It is true what people say. Don’t bother buying expensive toys—just give your baby the box the toy came in.

    She can dedicate a whole stretch of time to just staring at a label on an item of clothing or drumming on an empty Amazon box. Forget about what toy that Amazon box contained!

    In a world where we show love and appreciation in the form of gifts, gift cards, checks, and “stuff,” we forget that the most meaningful gifts are usually those of time. To witness the sheer delight on your child’s face when you come back from any small absence is proof that they value nothing more than the simple pleasure of being in your company.

    8. Move your body.

    My daughter reminds me that we are born with amazing bodies that are capable of doing so much.

    As someone who loves yoga and strives to be better at it, I am so envious of how limber and supple her body is at this age. She does a perfect downward dog and happy baby pose (with giggles to boot) and I am pretty sure if she were sleeping and I had to manipulate her body into every single yoga pose out there, she would be able to do it with ease.

    Over time we let our bodies deteriorate. A common excuse I hear from my reluctant yogi of a husband is that he is just not flexible enough to do yoga. Our daughter is proof that anyone can do it. We just have to maintain and keep practicing and we too could be yogi buddhas! And if yoga isn’t your thing, maybe it’s running or playing tennis. The point is to get moving!

    —

    The skeptic in you will say, of course a baby can do all these things. They don’t know everything yet. They are still learning. They haven’t been hurt and worn down by real life.

    And yes that is true. But then again, we as adults also don’t know everything yet either and we are also still learning.

    Children are a great reminder to us as adults to keep rediscovering and growing. If we live our lives as if the world is new and everything in it is an opportunity to discover and grow, we might find ourselves on the path to a more joyous life.

    Happy baby image via Shutterstock

  • A Simple Way to Light Up Your Life with Meaning, Love, and Joy

    A Simple Way to Light Up Your Life with Meaning, Love, and Joy

    LOVE

    “Love is the ultimate and the highest goal to which man can aspire.” ~Viktor Frankl

    Picture this: it was 3am but I couldn’t fall asleep. I had little to complain about, except a feeling that life seemed to be passing me by.

    My father had died abruptly some years earlier, my mother had come through a major operation, our children were growing increasingly independent, and our marriage was strong.

    Work was admittedly a bit stressful, and colleagues were less helpful than they might have been. But I ate a healthy diet, exercised, maintained a reasonable work-life balance, and did most of the “right” things. Still, despite my healthy habits, something was lacking.

    Fast forward to Boxing Day 2004: TV channels were full of the Indian Ocean tsunami. Something told me, as a doctor and scientist, to drop whatever I was doing and fly to Tamil Nadu in India. I arrived in Nagapattinam town to find large fishing boats lying in the middle of the street.

    The tsunami waves had flung huge boats around as if they were small toys. Entire fishing villages had completely vanished. The lightly constructed mud and leaf homes had been washed away as if they were matchboxes.

    Now thousands of homeless people were crowded into school buildings and makeshift tent villages. Many had no access to proper sanitation or drinking water. People who had lost loved ones were walking around in a daze.

    People crowded around me with tragic stories.

    One woman described how she lost both her children, and how she couldn’t have more, because she’d undergone a family planning operation. Another described how her infant had been passed from hand to hand as people ran from the waves. Her infant survived, but her toddler had been swallowed by the huge waves.

    I was not there when the tsunami struck, but I could easily have been lazing on that beach. I remember thinking how fragile life is. Even without a natural disaster, you or I could be in a fatal traffic accident today or tomorrow.

    Over the next fortnight I experienced involuntary fasts between huge vegetarian meals, over-work, exhaustion, mild diarrhoea, and dehydration, but this fortnight transformed me.

    Thousands of volunteers of all ages and backgrounds had converged on the tsunami-hit area. People in Muslim skull caps rubbed shoulders with Hindu monks in saffron robes and international volunteers.

    Everyone was pulling together, helping the local government officials. It was as if each of us was playing our own instrument in a symphony.

    We were like an army of love, driven to make a difference.

    My role was to set up a disease surveillance system and train local staff to operate it.

    Would there be outbreaks of disease in the relief camps? Would bereaved people succumb to disease? Would our surveillance system catch outbreaks in time to prevent epidemics?

    Nothing was certain, but we powered ahead. I felt calm yet energised, carried along by the warmth of newly made friends. There was no opportunity to maintain my healthy habits, but I felt more alive than ever.

    I felt carried along on a wave of love as we all pulled together in our common cause. Every little chore became lit up by purpose and meaning. That’s when I realized the wisdom of the saying: Stop asking what life can give you, start asking what you can give life.

    When life feels like a meaningless treadmill, you might lie awake at 3am and ponder the emptiness of it all. However, within you is a tiger that is merely sleeping, waiting to be unleashed in the pursuit of one or more great causes.

    I now still maintain healthy habits. But those worthwhile rituals are not sufficient to infuse life with meaning and passion. More is needed.

    Imagine flowing through life in the company of friends, all attracted by a shared vision of a better world, infused with love for others, pulling together to make a positive vision come true.

    Start giving and contributing of your best self, for the sheer joy of giving. That’s how you can become a calm achiever, tolerant of uncertainty, energized by meaning.

    It will seep into all areas of your life and make you more self-assured, more fired up, more attractive. Think of it as a channel for the great love which is within you.

    If you get paid for doing what you would choose to do anyhow, celebrate! If not, can you find some parts of your job that you would do even without pay, some angle perhaps that transforms life for others?

    If not, there’s still plenty of opportunity.

    You could identify a cause that you passionately believe in. You could take the first step by joining a local group or starting one. Look online, or in your local paper, for groups that meet near you; and start making a little time each week, or month, to nourish this heroic, passionate part of you.

    You could also write to your elected representatives to urge support for your cherished causes. Your taxes are spent on a variety of things that aren’t always dear to you. Influencing how public funds are spent can bring powerful support for causes you believe in.

    So, how well did our surveillance system work? Not a single life was lost to infectious diseases in the weeks following the tsunami.

    The whole experience felt like the sun of meaning breaking through the clouds of habit in my life. Now when I die, I would like my life to be measured by how much love I expressed through my life.

    Focus on contributing and transforming the lives of others, and your own life will light up with meaning, love, and joy. You’ll become a calmer achiever, better able to bear the stresses, difficulties, and setbacks that life often brings.

    The best time to start living like this was long ago. The next best time to start is now.

    Love image via Shutterstock

  • 21 Tips to Release Self-Neglect and Love Yourself in Action

    21 Tips to Release Self-Neglect and Love Yourself in Action

    “To be beautiful means to be yourself. You don’t need to be accepted by others. You need to accept yourself.” ~Thich Nhat Hanh

    The most important decision of your life, the one that will affect every other decision you make, is the commitment to love and accept yourself. It directly affects the quality of your relationships, your work, your free time, your faith, and your future.

    Why, then, is this so difficult to do?

    Your Family of Origin

    I grew up with nine siblings. I had two older brothers, three older sisters, three younger sisters, and a younger brother.

    I never fit in. My sisters were tall and thin with beautiful, long, lush hair. By eleven years old, I was short and very curvy. My hair was fine, thin, and wild.

    For the most part, my siblings did as they were told. I was outspoken, out of control, and rebellious.

    I wore my sister’s hand-me-down school uniforms. I rolled up the hems on the skirts and popped buttons on the blouses. My look was unkempt.

    I was teased and bullied at home and at school. Yet I didn’t go quietly into the night. I fought for my place in my family. To protect myself, I developed a good punch and grew a sharp tongue. (more…)

  • Turn Your Envy into Inspiration and Cultivate Your Own Joy

    Turn Your Envy into Inspiration and Cultivate Your Own Joy

    Jumping Woman Image

    “Envy is the art of counting the other fellow’s blessings instead of your own.” ~Harold Coffin

    What happens when your neighbor upgrades to a mansion leaving your house in its shadow?

    What do you do when your friend’s business is expanding while you’re living paycheck to paycheck?

    How do you view the blissful couple next-door, seemingly in a never-ending honeymoon phase, while the strife in your household could be cut with a knife?

    Although we are each walking our own journey, as social creatures we tend to compare ourselves to others.  This habit may start in the classroom at a young age—“Look how nicely Johnny is sitting; why can’t you behave more like that?”

    Facebook is the real-time reality show of nearly every one we know. We have friends posting their kids’ achievements, doting anniversary love notes to their spouse, and pictures from exotic summer vacations. We are getting a sneak peek into the lives of others and concomitantly thinking about our own.

    While these comparisons can be a slippery slope leading us down the rabbit hole of “never enough,” we can also use this tendency to our advantage.

    When Difficult Emotions Happen to Good People

    Oftentimes, when a moment of envy emerges we push it aside, deny it, or fall into the pit and drown in it. Is there any other choice?

    A good friend was telling me about the lavish interior-decorating project under way for her brand new, sparkling apartment. I remember feeling a sincere desire to be happy for her. But as much as I tried to evade the truth, I was envious.

    Taking a deep breath and a moment of reflection, I nurtured those feelings inside me. I wasn’t envious because I’m a bad person or secretly wished for the demise of my friend. I was hurting because I was unknowingly aching for a beautifully designed home to call my own.

    Compassion and love toward myself was the antidote; I decided to spend the next few months creating a home that brought me joy.

    In order to achieve greatness we must utilize both our positive inclinations and our negative inclinations for our own benefit.

    Here is how envy can be both helpful and healing:

    You see our friends’, neighbors’, or colleagues’ good success and feel a pang. Question that emotion. What is leading you to feel that way?

    If my colleague got the promotion and I didn’t, perhaps I can take an internal audit and determine in what ways I can be a better employee. On the other hand, I may not even be in a profession that is suited to my personality.

    About eight years ago, I traveled around Israel and Thailand for nine weeks. I remember sensing that one of my best friends was feeling a tad envious of my voyage around the globe.

    Can a relationship tolerate a certain degree of envy? Yes, as long as we channel it in the right direction.

    A year later, she went on her own trek to visit her brother, who was teaching English in Cambodia at the time. Rather than sinking into her own envy, she channeled it to propel her life and actualize her dreams.

    As long as we realize that we do not need to burst someone else’s bubble but instead can cultivate our own joy, we are able to utilize any emotion to our benefit.

    When other people achieve a goal or a certain level of success, envy is not about wanting to take that away from the other person. Rather, if we learn to honor our emotions, we can discover hidden treasures within ourselves.

    We can rediscover new passions and dreams that have gone neglected. We can become aware that we unconsciously seek a better relationship with our spouse or kids. We may realize that we have a desire to be a leader in the community.

    Instead of focusing on the other person, we can look inward, set our goals, and get to work. The question then becomes, how badly do we want it? How hard are we willing to work for our lives?

    Even if we don’t reach our goal, when we do everything within our ability with the cards we are dealt that is the truest measure of success, regardless of the results.

    Maybe We Have Exactly What We Need

    It also helps to consider that maybe we have exactly what we need.

    Consider a seed planted in the earth. Mother nature places that seedling in dirt, sometimes in harsh terrain and inclement weather. Beneath the surface, the seed must break, rip, and tear open in order to fulfill its purpose.

    How do we know what the universe is sending our way in order to rip open our unique potential? With this in mind, there is no longer a need to compare. Each seed is given the nutrients it needs in order to grow.

    Happiness Magnified

    There is the common saying, that nobody’s life is perfect. Another person’s situation may look good from the outside but there is always something beneath the surface, a challenge that we don’t know about, or a skeleton in the closet.

    Yes, each person does face his or her unique set of challenges, but that way of thinking always rubbed me the wrong way. This belief almost lends itself to wishing challenges on another person. I believe we can do better than that.

    We can elevate our thinking to realize that success and positivity in the lives of those around us only leads to a cycle of happiness in our own lives. When we can truly rejoice at our friend’s wedding, our family members’ success, or at another’s accolades, then the happiness we feel is only magnified.

    When we live in a way so that other people’s joy only adds to our own, how much happier can our lives get?

    We may not be married, but isn’t it inspiring to know that such true love is possible?

    We may feel stuck in our own job, but isn’t it motivating to see someone else take a risk and go after his or her dream job?

    Perhaps we didn’t have the best relationship with our own parents, but doesn’t it strengthen your faith to know that incredible parental bonds still exist?

    We easily feel empathy when a loved one is going through a challenge. Now is the time to feel the joy of others. By doing so, we create a circle of light in our own lives and increase our own happiness.

    By changing our filter, our thoughts, our own abundance is increased exponentially. We can use every single emotion in our tool chest for the betterment (not embitterment) of our own lives.

    Jumping woman image via Shutterstock

  • The Key to Creating More Joy in Your Work

    The Key to Creating More Joy in Your Work

    Love My Job

    “Life engenders life. Energy creates energy. It is by spending oneself that one becomes rich.” ~Sarah Bernhardt                      

    Ten years ago, when I first moved to China, I came as an English teacher at a university. I hadn’t the faintest clue as to how I would teach and I only had one year of experience as a teaching assistant in graduate school.

    At the beginning, I was completely out of my element. In fact, I woke up the following morning after arrival in my new apartment only to realize that I had no food, couldn’t say anything in Chinese, and had no idea where to get something to eat.

    For me, everything was uncharted territory, especially my new career.

    After settling in, I tried to do a good job of teaching, and I truly did care for my students. However, having hundreds of different students and seeing each group for less than an hour per week, I did not see how I could make much difference.

    Because of this, I lost my motivation and never really gave it my all. I could find no reason to excel at what I was doing because I couldn’t see how I could have any impact.

    I became apathetic about what could have been a wonderful occupation. I dreaded waking up in the morning and dragging myself to class. When making a lesson plan, I would just throw something together that I thought might be sufficient.

    In class, I just wanted to get it over with and move on with my day. I rarely stuck around to converse with my students and I often complained about my work.

    I did what was necessary just to get by. I gave very little of myself and got very little in return. My profession became a job to trudge through.

    You Get What You Give

    Years later I began to work on improving myself. Naturally, this included my own job and I began to search for a way to transform my work into something better, something more meaningful. And I found the answer.

    Fast-forward a few years, and everything changed. When preparing classes, I would construct course plans with meticulous care and would repeatedly practice how best to deliver them.

    I would wake up each morning at 5:00am to make sure that I was physically and mentally wide awake and ready to give it my all, every single day. Before each class, I would talk to myself and whip myself up into a state of excitement, determined to make every class a masterpiece.

    I started to feel genuinely excited on my way to class and felt great joy upon entering the classroom. I would stay afterward and speak with students, who were always full of questions for me.

    Increasingly, I was able to see through the eyes of the learner. And, by being able to put myself in their shoes, I knew what needed to be done and how to execute it.

    I improved as a person as well. I became more confident, learned how to hold the attention of a crowd, gained a much clearer understanding of the process of learning, and felt much more joy. I learned how to lead and to provoke curiosity.

    I was getting significant, measurable results and I realized how huge of an impact I could have on my students’ lives.

    It was true that I was devoting more time to my work, but what I soon learned was that I received much more in return. I could feel and see such love from my students. They were more cooperative than before, I gained their trust, and they showered me with kindness and friendship.

    I was greeted each morning with enthusiastic smiles, and at the end of the school year thoughtful gifts poured in that brought tears of joy to my eyes.

    I had completely transformed, and so too had the experience of my students. And it was all because of a shift that I chose to make.

    The Key to Creating Joy in Your Work

    What had happened? What did I do to create this incredibly positive change?

    I made a simple decision: I was going to give more than anyone else expected of me.

    This decision happened in an instant.

    Back when I was still trudging through my work, one afternoon, I was walking through the halls of the school. I was struck by the fact that every classroom was full of silent, bored student who were playing on their phones or sleeping. At the front of every single classroom was a teacher speaking monotonously or reading from a slide on the overhead.

    I felt pity for my students and was angry at the laziness that I saw. The system was a total sham and nobody was receiving anything of value. And in that moment I had a revelation: I was part of it.

    I too had become lazy and was contributing to this horrible state of affairs. I felt a conviction rise within me: I would no longer be a part of the sham anymore.

    Upon returning home, I did something that forever changed how I work: I thought very carefully about what my students needed.

    I was struck by inspiration and spent hours putting together a new lesson plan. When I delivered the plan, everyone in the classroom, including myself, was shocked. The students were completely inspired and the entire atmosphere of the room changed.

    Afterward, numerous students told me how much they had enjoyed the class. They requested more like it. Overwhelmed with excitement, I set to work constructing more lesson plans that would truly have an impact.

    From there, it blossomed into a virtuous circle: the more I gave to my students, the more joy I received in return. And this made me want to give even more. Happiness flowed to me in avalanches of joy.

    I never imagined the beautiful changes that would take place. My classrooms were utterly transformed.

    Watching the enormous impact I was having on hundreds of lives, I realized something: all of this happened because of a single decision that I had made.

    I created this change. And so can you.

    And it starts with a decision: to give more of yourself.

    How to Give More

    The giving of service is the master key that will unlock joy and success in any profession. So, if you are not a teacher like me, how can you apply this to your own work?

    What, for example, would it look like for someone with clients or customers? If you are a waiter or waitress, a secretary, a nurse or doctor, in sales, or customer service you would want to be attentive to your customers above all else.

    Listen for and focus in on understanding what they need and find a way to deliver it to them. There is no better way to ensure repeat business.

    If you are a cashier, be the cashier who everyone remembers. Make every person feel important by looking them in the eyes and greeting them with a smile. This will bring more joy to both of you than if you mindlessly wished you were somewhere else.

    If you are a laborer, cleaner, or prepare food and may not interact with many people, focus on excelling at your task. Know who you are serving, what they need, and do it in the best way you know how.

    And even if nobody appreciates or recognizes your work or you don’t get the results you expect, you will go to bed with much greater satisfaction and contentment knowing that you gave it your all.

    If you dislike your work, the key to making it more enjoyable is to give more of yourself. When you focus on giving, you stop thinking about yourself and what you don’t like.

    It is as simple as it is profound. In the end, the person this will help the most is you.

    If ever you are uncertain as to how you can excel at your work, you only need to find the answer to these four questions:

    1. Who am I serving?
    2. What do they need?
    3. How can I give them what they need?
    4. What can I do to exceed their expectations?

    Once you have the answers, you have developed a plan to excel at your work. And, by doing so, you have created the master key to making your job a labor of love and a source of joy for yourself and for those around you.

    Love my job image via Shutterstock

  • Tiny Tot Lights Up the Stage Dancing at Zumba Conference

    Tiny Tot Lights Up the Stage Dancing at Zumba Conference

    This video of a vibrant, joyful little girl dancing brightened my day, and I’m sure it will brighten yours as well!

  • Stop Waiting for Permission to Live the Life You Want to Live

    Stop Waiting for Permission to Live the Life You Want to Live

    “One day your life will flash before your eyes. Make sure it’s worth watching.” ~Unknown

    I know you.

    You’re smart. You’re driven. You’re a “good girl/boy.” You found out a long time ago that life goes more smoothly for people who follow the rules, so you learned the rulebook inside out.

    People expected things from you, and you made it your job to live up to those expectations—and probably beat yourself up inside when you fell short.

    But now you’re stuck, the way anyone who has spent their life making other people happier than they make themselves gets stuck.

    You wish you could go back to school to study what you really love doing, or maybe you want to start your own business, or buy a camper and drive cross-country, or move to a big city. Or quit your high-stress, high-paying job and instead do simpler work for less money that makes you look forward to getting out of bed every day.

    And every once in a while, when you’re not busy getting your to-do list checked off or giving your time to the people in your life who always seem to need you—when things get real quiet—you feel absolutely desperate.

    You hear the clock ticking, and it’s the ticking off of the moments of a life that’s passing you by.

    You see a whole string of days ahead of you. Out of bed. Off to work. Watch the clock. Count the hours ‘til the weekend. Rejoice on Friday evening. Lament on Sunday night. Repeat.

    Nothing new. Nothing real. Nothing joyful.

    You know, somewhere inside you, that there has to be more than this.

    I know you. I am you.

    I realized not long ago that I’ve spent my entire life waiting for permission. Because I’m a good girl, you see. In my twenties I felt the burning desire in my heart for something more than a go-nowhere nine-to-five office job and the bar on the weekends.

    I wanted a career as a singer. Travel. Excitement. Adventure. Heart-stopping moments of bliss.

    And I wanted somebody—anybody—to tell me that it was okay, that I should go ahead with it. I don’t mean Oprah or some random person speaking to the masses. I wanted somebody who knew me to give me the green light.

    Guess what? It never happened, and it never will. Why? Because nobody can give us permission but ourselves.

    Nobody outside ourselves knows what’s going on in our hearts, no matter how we try to explain.

    Have you ever found this to be true? You can try and try, but there’s a nuance, a depth of desire, that’s impossible to describe. It has to be felt, and nobody else can feel it but the person whose heart is burning.

    So we wait. We wait for permission. Many of us die waiting for it.

    I don’t want to die waiting for it. Do you?

    It’s time for us to come out of our shells and admit that we want more. Let’s be honest with each other and ourselves about what we want out of life. Let’s truly support each other and push each other and not take any excuses.

    And let’s stop taking guff from the rest of the world—the ones who are still too afraid to leave the status quo behind. If that’s really what they want, let’s bless them and then move the heck on, because life is too short to be wasted on wondering what somebody else thinks of us.

    We simply have to be the heroes of our own lives. I’m willing to dust off my cape and step into that role.

    Are you?

    Here are some bits of resistance that will probably come up for you once you decide to reclaim your hero status. (Because you were totally the hero of your own life when you were a kid; you just forgot. Don’t worry. It’s totally cool. Most of us forget!)

    This is too hard.

    No, it’s not easy. But what’s easier—living a beige life for endless (yet all-too-short) years, or accepting discomfort in the present in order to live the technicolor dream life we yearn for?

    There comes a time when we have to move through what’s hard in order to get to “What took me so long to get started?” This is growth, and growth can be uncomfortable, but it’s always worthwhile.

    I’m too old to get started.

    This logic makes absolutely no sense, yet I’m willing to bet there’s no one who hasn’t told themselves this at some point.

    Guess what? If school is going to take you four, five, or six years, you’ll just get that much older anyway, whether or not you go to school. Wouldn’t you rather be happier and feel more accomplished at that point, or would you rather just feel older?

    What will ______ think?

    Listen, nothing anybody does or thinks or says to or about us has anything to do with us. It’s all about their own hang-ups, insecurities, and jealousies.

    We all apply the filter of our own experiences to what we see other people doing with their lives, and chances are our interpretation of even the people closest to us is way off base.

    People won’t accept me.

    I can’t even be flippant about this because you’re probably right. There will likely be at least one person who can’t get on board with your authentic vision for your life. But you know what? For every one person who can’t understand you, there are fifty people who will—you just haven’t met them yet.

    This isn’t the right time.

    Fact: There will never be a right time. Waiting for the right time is just a form of procrastination that stems from fear. Now is the time to get moving. You’ll figure things out as you go.

    Am I crazy?

    No. You’re finally sane. It’s the version of you who believed life was meant to be a boring slog-fest that was crazy.

    Is this even worth it?

    Yes. A million times, yes.

    So, are you ready? Let’s do this. Let’s reclaim our dreams, and when we do, we’ll inspire others to do the same.

    Because life is too short to be spent waiting for permission to get started.

  • How to Discover the Work That Will Bring You Joy and Purpose

    How to Discover the Work That Will Bring You Joy and Purpose

    “The meaning of life is to find your gift. The purpose of life is to give it away.” ~David Viscott

    You are a seeker. Searching for more of life. More joy. More depth. More connection. More happiness.

    Our generation is not willing to settle for meaningless existence. Just to get by, just to keep it all together. It doesn’t interest us any more.

    We want more freedom. Especially in the realm of our work.

    But it can seem like a long road between ‘here’ and ‘there.’ From this job, from this life into… the unknown.

    We know there is deeper purpose to fulfill, so we start to ask ourselves the question…

    What Would Make Me Happy?

    Four years ago I started asking myself this question. And I was coming up with nothing. Silence. Not good.

    I was working as a successful hospital pharmacist, moving up the ladder into management. I made great money and was well respected and efficient. But I was unhappy.

    My professional dissatisfaction had become physical, and my body was speaking to me with symptoms of severe nausea. Sugar consumption was at an all time high and I had to get out.

    But where to go? What would make me happy? What would I rather do?

    I had no idea.

    If you too are at career and life crossroads, you are likely asking yourself this question too. What would make you happy?

    And perhaps, like me, you won’t be able to answer the question at first. Or, if you do dream up a solution it involves distant countries, foreign adventures, and escape. And in your heart you know that’s not the answer.

    You desire a life that you don’t need a holiday to “escape from.”

    You desire a life that is the destination.

    When I first asked myself this question—what would make me happy?—the hospital pharmacist had no clue.

    I was going through the motions of life and finding pleasure in its various pursuits, but there was nothing that really lit me up. Nothing that really sang to my heart.

    And I was frustrated. How was I so numb to life that I couldn’t answer the simple question in a meaningful, not just fly-by-the-seat-of-your-pants kind of way?

    So I rephrased the question from “What would make me happy?” to something more achievable. “What am I curious about?”

    I removed the pressure for this next job to be “the thing that made me happy” and I created space for possibility.

    Every single possibility that sparked a trace of passion or happiness was followed, and it looked like:

    Could I sell antiques? Let me investigate… Perhaps organizing weddings? Or bake bliss balls?

    Maybe I could be a yoga teacher? The list goes on…

    And something remarkable began to happen. I found the more I explored, the more I got to know myself again.

    The more I discovered what didn’t make me happy, the closer to joy I felt.

    The more I became sensitized to what really lit me up, the clearer my direction felt.

    Create Space

    By this stage the desire for change was relentless. The pain of going on, in the current incarnation of my work, was greater than the fear of stepping into the unknown.

    And so I stepped. I reduced my pharmacy job hours and I created space for more possibility, more curiosity, and more purpose to flow into my life.

    When we are busy, the sheer inertia of our day often takes over. Our habits of keeping everything on track, worshiping the goddess of busy, and forgetting to prioritize our pleasure become the norm.

    And these are the same habits that we see to re-write.

    But re-calibration needs space to occur.

    Just like downloading new software to your computer, and waiting for the re-boot to happen, this upgrade takes time. And patience. And the screen will go black for a while.

    We have to be open and willing to sit in the black void while the download is received, while the new paradigm is created. We have to create the space for desire to arrive.

    And keeping busy doesn’t create space. It just creates more of the same.

    Essentially, if you keep on doing what you’re doing, you will keep on getting what you’re getting.

    Stop Reward-Consuming and Clear Your Debt

    At this point in my journey, and in the journey of so many others, money always comes up as ‘the thing.’

    I have expenses. I have a mortgage. I couldn’t possibly live on any less income. It feels risky.

    I hear you.

    But what price do you place on your joy?

    Consider this. The busy paradigm most us live in isn’t overflowing with joy or purpose. So we learn to compensate with treating ourselves to this restaurant, that holiday, this new wardrobe, and that green smoothie every time we are out.

    We find rewards to compensate for our unhappiness, because our consumption increases proportional to our dissatisfaction with life.

    These ‘rewards’ become just that. Rewards. To keep our heads above the surface in a career or life or relationship we don’t otherwise find joyful.

    What if, with the creation of space and the following of your curiosities, you could create more joy, with less stuff?

    I’m not saying that your new joy-filled job is going to pay less. In fact, I would argue that you will probably earn more (I do). But in the short term, your change of direction takes investment. Investment in yourself.

    During my own transition period of creating more space and following my curiosities there were two essential and practical outcomes:

    • I stopped mindlessly consuming. I started investing solely in myself and what nurtured me.
    • I cleared my debts so I felt free to follow my desires, wherever they led.

    And with time, space, and curiosity I felt ready to face the big question.

    What Is My Purpose?

    I started to feel into: What is this concept that we call purpose? How did she get it? And how can I get there?

    So many nights I sat with this question.

    During one of these soul-searching nights I read a quote from the Dali Lama where he said, “The purpose of life is to be happy,” and I realized the truth.

    No one job can define my purpose. No one choice, or label, or career can be my purpose.

    Purpose cannot be defined by one thing. Purpose is a choice that I make every day. A choice about how I show up in the world.

    When I show up with my heart open and I follow my desires, my truth, my passion, my happiness and I share that with the world, I am living my purpose.

    Purpose = sharing my passion with the world.

    This definition of purpose isn’t restricted to one career or one choice. It’s a simple choice every day.

    I can show up as pharmacist Jenna sharing my passion and live a life of purpose.

    I can show up as kinesiologist Jenna sharing my passion and live a life of purpose.

    Which means the more I open my heart, the more I follow my passion, the more I serve through that passion, the more purpose I find in life.

    But following your passion might not manifest as a career at first. Because purpose is more than a job.

    It’s a way of living.

    And often when seeking transformation, the change has to happen within before it manifests out in the world.

    Connecting with your deep passion, which knows how to answer the question “What would make me happy?” fills you up from within. And when that vessel is full, it overflows.

    Into the service of others and into jobs and careers and meaning in the world.

    Which is what we are seeking. More joy. More depth. More connection. More happiness.

    You are the only one who can make the choice, the space, the commitment.

    Choose yourself.

  • 5 Ways to Create a Life You Love Without Making a Major Change

    5 Ways to Create a Life You Love Without Making a Major Change

    Love Life

    “Some people thrive on dramatic change. Some people prefer the slow and steady route. Do what’s right for you.” ~Julie Morgenstern

    Admit it.

    You feel like something’s missing from your life.

    You see people who have transformed their lives, given up their day jobs, and moved to exotic lands.

    People who have created a new life and found whatever was missing from their previous humdrum existences.

    But you don’t hate your life. You’re okay with a little humdrum. You like your responsibilities—your partner, kids, house, or job. The thought of the life you have stretching out in front of you isn’t awful.

    In fact, you’re just a fraction away from … contentment.

    But still.

    You can see there’s something to be said for adventure. You read the books, the articles, and the posts reminding you to do something new every now and then.

    But you wonder, how can you enhance and love the life you have rather than start a new one?

    Just Because You Can, Doesn’t Mean You Should

    A trend had popped up lately—which given I’m part of, I’m not knocking—for articles about location independence, digital nomads, travel, and freedom.

    The world has changed, and the possibilities for us all, particularly those of us lucky enough to be born in the Western world, seem almost endless.

    We can move continents, switch jobs, change our lives, or go from being an accountant to an artist. We must sacrifice, sure, but the possibility is there.

    But creating a life you love is different for every person. For many people, the way to be happy is through building on what you have rather than starting from scratch.

    I moved from the UK to Thailand because I needed a change in my life. I took a while to settle into my life there.

    Once I did, I realized that creating a life you love isn’t a one-time thing. One change—even a huge one—doesn’t fix everything. I grew to understand that to avoid growing stagnant and complacent, I needed to continue to make tiny course adjustments to stay on track with an amazing life.

    Otherwise, I might end up back where I started—in a life where I didn’t notice I had slipped into full-blown unhappiness until it was almost too late.

    But I didn’t need to start again by moving to some other country or making other exponential changes. I wanted to build on the life I had and make that a tiny bit better every day. I could have mini-adventures right where I was.

    Below are five ways to be content though building on what you have rather than chucking everything you currently have and starting from scratch.

    1. Clear space and pause.

    Sometimes, to see what would best serve us, we need some clear space in our lives—time when we aren’t busy doing anything other than daydreaming and letting our minds wander.

    These days, we tend to be uncomfortable with the threat of boredom, and when we’re left on our own for a few minutes, we’re quick to pick up our cell phones to fill the time.

    I’m as guilty as anyone else. I’ve deleted apps from my phone so that I couldn’t use them like a crutch. I keep my phone in my bag when I’m with others to make sure I don’t check it without thinking.

    Some of my favorite moments in the day are when I’m lying in bed, ready to sleep, and I play with the characters I write about in my fiction, considering plot ideas and just “noodling.”

    This week, use the spaces when you’d usually fill your time with your device, and just pause. Muse and dream about where in your life a little change or adventure would help you move forward and make your life happier.

    2. Reflect and tweak.

    How well do you know yourself? Could you clearly state your likes and dislikes, fears and desires, or what your values are?

    A few years ago, I tried to do the perfect day exercise over and over, and I came up blank. Sadly, I didn’t know enough about my deeper self to imagine it even in my mind.

    I needed time to get to know myself better, including many exercises, courses, and trying out the ideas in this post. But these days, I have no problems visualizing it, and I take a small step closer to it every day.

    You can, too, if you mine your subconscious. For the next week, for five timed minutes each day, brainstorm two lists of at least ten items each—one list containing things you love (or desire), one containing things you dislike (or fears). Go wild; don’t try and be rational or edit yourself.

    At the end of the week, you should have up to 100 things you do and don’t like (repetition is fine). Reflect on the themes or things that came up a lot, and see where you can tweak your life to decrease or increase the presence of dislikes and likes in your current life.

    For example, if nature appears on your list of things you love, be sure to spend a little time every day relaxing or exercising outside. If sitting in traffic appears on your dislikes list, see if you can replace some of your driving time with walking or biking, or make your driving time more enjoyable by listening to your favorite podcasts.

    These small tweaks will nudge you in the direction of a more positive and joyful life.

    3. Experiment and adventure.

    You’re busy; I get that. But you don’t need to go bungee jumping to have an adventure.

    Think small, not big, and create space for one tiny adventure or experiment each week.

    Plenty of opportunities exist for tiny adventures in life every day, from getting off at a new bus stop to talking to a stranger. Perhaps it’s a new take-out place, a free tour at an art gallery, or choosing a movie at random.

    Rather than the head-down, just-get-through-the-day attitude I used to have, I try to see even potentially boring activities as an adventure. Waiting in lines, I people-watch and make up stories, or I dance while doing the housework.

    These mini-adventures will push you out of your comfort zone, face down fears, and help you have more fun.

    4. Soothe and nurture.

    If you’re feeling run down, you’re out of emotional resources, or you’re overworked, you’ll struggle to fit in fun or truly get the most from the life you have.

    This has been a huge learning curve for me. I thought that to wring the most from life, I needed to get my head down, focus, and work and play hard. But burning the candle at both ends left me ill, unhappy, and unable to work and play with all my heart and soul.

    Schedule thirty clear minutes in your day (lock yourself in the bathroom if you have to!) where you have no agenda, and use this time to take care of yourself in small ways.

    You could pay mindful attention to your lunch instead of rushing, snuggle up on the sofa and read when it’s raining, or pay attention to your body by preparing (and eating!) a delicious and healthy meal.

    Your body, mind, and soul are intricately linked, and taking time to look after each of these so that you are ready to live the best life possible is crucial.

    5. Re-frame and re-label.

    Some days are better than others; that’s true.

    But it’s also true that two people can see the exact situation from completely opposing viewpoints.

    If we change our perspective on a situation that’s bugging us, we can improve our mindset with nothing but a change in attitude.

    Instead of feeling annoyed that a friend is late, we can feel glad we have some time to breathe and people-watch (or to do the exercise in #1). Instead of being disappointed that the restaurant we had planned to go to was closed, we can feel excited at the opportunity to experiment with a new cuisine (as in #3).

    Sometimes, when I can see a friend is much more positive than I am in a situation, I ask them to share their perspective so that I can try and adopt it. It’s a fascinating exercise—you’ll be amazed at how differently two people can view a state of affairs.

    How can you reframe and relabel any disappointments, annoyances, or discontent currently present in your life?

    It’s Okay to Live—and Love—the Life You Have

    You need to create a life that’s right for you.

    One that brings you joy and makes you shine a little brighter in the world.

    It doesn’t have to mean leaving your current life behind—your home, job, or relationships—and moving to a far and distant land.

    You can bring a little adventure into your life easily, if you start just where you are.

    Incremental change, not exponential change, might be exactly what you need.

    Love life image via Shutterstock

  • How to Find Joy in Every Day (Even the Hard Ones)

    How to Find Joy in Every Day (Even the Hard Ones)

    Jumping for Joy

    “Being happy doesn’t mean everything is perfect. It means you’ve decided to look beyond the imperfections.” ~Unknown

    It’s the question we’re all trying to answer: What is happiness and how do we get it? We fill our lives with the busyness of searching for happiness in many things, yet it’s possible that the very pursuit is taking us further away from the goal.

    I spent many years following society’s recipe for happiness.

    I was settled with my partner, climbing the career ladder, dining out, buying clothes, and planning nice holidays, but I was so busy chasing happiness, I missed out on moments of joy.

    Everyone is so busy these days. It gives us our sense of self-worth; if we’re busy, we’re successful, we’re accomplishing things, we’re important, and we’re needed.

    As a result we can often be too busy to notice if we are happy, and potential moments of joy pass us by.

    We think happiness arrives at a point in the future when our lives become perfect, with a backdrop of fireworks and fanfare, without any disasters or annoyances. But happiness generally doesn’t come in the form of winning the lottery or marrying from Brad Pitt. It’s often more subtle and smaller.

    For example: a sunny day at the beach, your favorite slippers, lying in the arms of the one you love on a lazy Sunday morning—it’s all happiness. We just need to learn to recognize it, appreciate it, and cultivate it.

    Brené Brown puts it well in her book The Gifts of Imperfection: “Joy is not a constant. It comes to us in moments—often ordinary moments. Sometimes we miss out on the bursts of joy because we’re too busy chasing down extraordinary moments.”

    Happiness is not about a final destination of pure perfection, but more about a journey through life, with moments of perfection sprinkled throughout, if we just stop to notice them.

    So how do we find those moments within our own lives and ensure we can get more of them to create a life full of happiness?

    There are two main ingredients for experiencing joy every day. The first is living in the present.

    How can we be joyful if we’re too busy worrying about the future or going over the past? And how can we be joyful if we’re too busy?

    Take time to smell the roses and be in the now; that’s where the joy is.

    People wait all week for Friday, all year for summer, and all their lives for happiness, but by the same token if we are always rushing to get to the next place, we can’t take time to enjoy where we are.

    The second ingredient for happiness is gratitude. If we appreciate all that we’re fortunate to have, rather than spending our time and energy going after what we don’t have, we’ll experience more joy.

    In our consumer-driven society, we’ve put too much emphasis on having many things—bigger houses, better cars, the latest in fashion.

    It’s easy to make the mistake of thinking that if you have something you want, you’ll be happier with more. And we struggle in the modern world with debt, obesity, and addiction as a result of this mantra.

    We are also prone to comparing ourselves with others and wanting what they have (their house, salary, partner, looks). These are surefire ways to extinguish our gratitude and rob us of our happiness.

    There’s always joy to be found, even in the mundane moments of the day, and we can tap into this by being more present.

    Next time you’re sitting in a traffic jam, rather than becoming resentful of the delay or whisked away in a daydream, why not take a moment to see what you can appreciate?

    Maybe it’s the nature outside, the sound of the birds, the sun shining, or just the fact you have a car to drive in and somewhere to be going.

    I hate winter. I even travel to the other side of the world each year to avoid it. But even on the coldest, wettest, darkest days, I can find joy.

    Maybe it’s the feel of my cozy, warm bed sheets, or being curled up by the fire with the cat and a good book, or the clean crisp look of the landscape after the first snowfall.

    I try to find something to be grateful for every day, even if this is just breathing clean air, being alive, being healthy, or having an abundance of food.

    There are so many people worse off than we are, but we often overlook the small things that others would be so grateful for.

    I’ve also uncovered joy from “happy lists”—lists of all the small things you like to do that make you happy. It’s important to find time to do these things often. It may be a walk on the beach, listening to your favorite music, having a hot bath, or sitting in the garden with a cup of tea.

    As Robert Brault said, “Enjoy the little things for one day you may look back and realize they were the big things.”

    Rather than waiting for happiness to arrive, I’ve changed my perspective to realize that it had been there all along; I just hadn’t noticed. If we look hard enough, we can find moments of joy in every day. Or, if the day is a particularly bad one, reach for your happy list and create your own joy.

    Jumping for joy image via Shutterstock

  • How to Maintain Peace and Joy Despite Your Everyday Struggles

    How to Maintain Peace and Joy Despite Your Everyday Struggles

    Floating Man

    “In the midst of movement and chaos, keep stillness inside of you.” ~Deepak Chopra

    For years I allowed everyday struggles, like slight disturbances from schedule, to steal my happiness, peace, and energy. Whenever something disrupted my plan, I got negative and started complaining.

    When I realized this, I began taking steps to accept the daily chaos. I shifted my focus to how I percieve my daily life and how I spend the twenty-four hours I get.

    I started asking questions, like: Am I being positive? Am I spending my hours in a way that’s productive yet joyful?

    And I began working on changes that enabled me to be at my happiest, most optimal self.

    Gradually, I was able to regain my lost calm and restore my lost energy.

    If you’d also like to experience more peace and joy in your days, these steps may help.

    1. Add fun to your daily chores.

    What are the most boring tasks in your daily routine? How can you make them more enjoyable?

    Minor changes like this can make a large difference in your day.

    One idea is to couple boring chores with more pleasurable activities. My favorite way to do this is by turning on some music while doing tedious tasks.

    Another idea is to plan fun-time as a reward for after work. Or, do a task that makes you feel accomplished just before you handle a mundane one so you’re in a better mental space when you tackle it.

    Completing your tasks in a more exciting manner enables you to have fun, while staying more productive as well.

    2. Be grateful.

    Once we start complaining, we keep listing everything, small or big, that frustrates us.

    Meanwhile, we ignore the good altogether, as if it does not exists.

    Recently, I was planning to meet with an old friend after not seeing her for a long time. But she cancelled the day before and said she was going out of town, so we wouldn’t be able to get together for at least a month.

    Because I was so frustrated, and fixated on this one thing that went wrong, I couldn’t enjoy the movie I watched with my family that day. I kept dwelling on how upset I was, which pulled me out of the moment.

    If you want more peace, stop getting into this vicious cycle of dwelling and complaining.

    The next time you find yourself counting the bad, stop to count some good as well. The good things you find might seem ridiculously tiny—like a shared movie with someone you love—but so are the complaints, if you think about it.

    Staying grateful keeps the negative balanced with the positive, thus preventing you from taking a glum view on life.

    3. Go slightly out of routine.

    When someone asks you what you are doing today, do you say, “Oh, the usual,” with a sigh? Or, do you feel excited as you count off things on your fingers?

    If you do the former, then maybe following the same routine has become too monotonous, and you could benefit from some unpredictabilty.

    Take a different route to your office, do something on the spur of the moment, or pick up a task that’s scheduled for later and finish it beforehand.

    When you voluntarily break your timetable, you can adapt better to the sudden changes that happen.

    Besides, If you finish an important chore, it will give you a sense of early achievement!

    4. Set aside compulsory “me time.”

    In our busy life, it’s easy to forget to take breaks. But working around the clock doesn’t necessarily make you more productive.

    Instead, it ends up making you more negative and reluctant to work.

    On the other hand, having something refreshing to look forward to makes it easier to get through even the worst of days.

    What makes you happy instantly? Include it in your compulsory to-do list.

    Enjoy some music, read a book, go for a morning stroll, or savor a cup of coffee. Anything that helps you relax can qualify as your “me time.”

    5. Take care of your mind and body.

    If we are not in our top form, mentally or physically, we get exhausted easily. We are also unable to deliver our best.

    You don’t need to spend hours in a gym, follow a strict diet, or be an expert in meditation.

    Here are quick examples of activities for a healthy body, wise mind, and contented spirit:

    Body: Go for a walk, eat fruit daily, and ensure that you get enough sleep.

    Mind: Indulge in quick mental exercises—solve a puzzle, do easy math, or memorize a number without your phone’s help!

    Spirit: Spend a few quiet moments with yourself—focus on your thoughts, think of the minor goals you accomplished, or recall a moment that made you happy.

    6. Cut down the negative sources.

    Spend more time with the friends who encourage you instead of the ones that make you feel low.

    Limit the activities that unnecessarily stress you out.

    When you need to face something negative, decide in advance that you won’t allow that negativity to leak into your entire day.

    I have a friend who used to put me on the defensive. I couldn’t understand why; she had a nice manner, after all.

    I eventually realized it was because she’s the kind of person who expects everyone to conform to the society’s views.

    She was actually being judgmental and criticizing, but with a disguised exterior. She was also coercing me into being like her.

    I used to get drained because I was constantly making excuses or giving explanations for my differences.

    When I understood this, I started spending less time with her and kept conversations general.

    Now, when we do meet, and she finds something to criticize, I simply leave it at “Oh, that’s just the way I like it” instead of wasting my energy trying to justify my views.

    7. Remove extra clutter.

    One of the reasons we feel so drained is because we focus our attention on too many things.

    Clutter doesn’t necessarily mean your posessions. Your clutter can be material, digital, or even emotional.

    Whatever it is, take a while to understand what’s occupying your space, time, and thoughts.

    Think deeply about what you really need and get rid of what you are uselessly holding on to.

    Go ahead and do the house/office cleaning that you’ve been putting off for so long.

    Limit your time on social media and utilize that time reading useful sites/watching informative videos instead.

    Or go even deeper—let go of the grudges and negativity and focus your thoughts in a direction that benefits you.

    8. Stop looking at the ideal things that could be.

    We all have things we don’t like and situations we want to be different. But if we can’t change them, it only ends up making us unhappy.

    Quit giving these external circumstances the power to affect your joy.

    Appreciate what is present, use the resources you have, and accept the few things that are not the way you want.

    I felt very lonely during the first year of college. I’d had to leave old friends behind and start afresh. I was okay with that—I’d always considered the possibility that we might go our separate ways.

    But I believed that I would make new friends—ones who were totally like me—to share my dreams and passions with.

    That was not what happened. I couldn’t find anyone I truly connected with, and I became hyperaware of how different I was. As a result, I felt shy and vulnerable, which further prevented me from getting close to people.

    Eventually, I got tired of being aloof. I decided to focus on the fact that I had good people around me instead of comparing everyone to the ‘ideal friend’ image I had.

    Accepting my situation didn’t change it, but it helped me appreciate others and gain true friends in spite of our differences.

    Utilize any opportunity you get, even if it doesn’t looks perfect, or you don’t feel ready to use it.

    Don’t expect things to be better; take steps to make them so. And when they are beyond your control, channel your thoughts into what you can appreciate about how things are and what you can improve.

    —

    A busy life doesn’t have to be a stressful life. By adding, subtracting, and modifying a few of our daily tasks, we can prevent the day from stealing our energy. Similarly, by fine-tuning our thoughts, we can find more peace in our days, months, and years.

    Floating businessman image via Shutterstock

  • In a Rut? Your Second-Grade Self Knows What to Do

    In a Rut? Your Second-Grade Self Knows What to Do

    Little Girl Meditating

    “Every child is an artist. The problem is how to remain an artist once he grows up.” ~Pablo Picasso

    It amazes me how often our personalities, habits, and interests as adults resemble the same ones that we had as elementary-aged kids. In fact, I’m convinced that when we are feeling lost, in a rut, or at a crossroads, we should consider the wisdom we had as eight-year-olds.

    I first became aware of my love for writing when I was in second grade. When my teacher created a class newspaper, giving each student an individual piece of paper on which to write stories of our choosing, I was in Heaven.

    She then arranged each story like a jigsaw puzzle onto multiple pages in order to make copies for each of us. Seeing my handwritten stories “published” onto paper for the entire class left me practically swooning.

    It was during this same time that my infatuation with music developed, and I first started using music to express myself.

    When my neighborhood boyfriend and I broke up, I did what any second-grade, romantically-inclined and musically-obsessed child would do. I danced and sang “Don’t Turn Around” by Ace of Base in my driveway.

    Imagining I was singing, “Don’t turn around, ‘cause you’re gonna see my heart breaking. Don’t turn around, I don’t want you seeing me cry,” to my long-lost/four-houses-down love interest felt like the best possible way of expressing my feelings. Plus, I felt like a rock star—which, I can report back, is a great way to boost spirits.

    While my elementary-school boyfriend choices never lasted and I have yet to become a famous Ace of Base cover singer, I still consider music and writing to be my deepest passions. Whether I’m writing articles, sending emails to friends, or merely jotting thoughts in a journal, I feel like I’m in the flow.

    Similarly, going to concerts, listening to music, writing music, singing along to my iPod in the car, and playing musical instruments fills me with such joy that it’s hard to contain all that passion without it giving me goosebumps.

    Nobody ever told me to like music and writing. For whatever reason, it just became something that I was passionate about. Yet, I still went through many years of racking my brain for clues about what I should do “when I grow up” before I started to take seriously my interests back in the second grade.

    When I stopped trying to ignore those deep-seated passions, that same bliss from my days of writing for my classroom newspaper or singing in the driveway came right back.

    If you, likewise, are currently in a position of trying to imagine your future without much luck, try looking backward first. What were you passionate about in elementary school? What were the hobbies that you chose for yourself that nobody told you to do?

    Did you have a serious rock collection? Perhaps you’d enjoy geology. Couldn’t keep your hands out of the dirt? Maybe you’d love being a horticulturist or a farmer.

    Were you never able to walk past a dog or a cat in your neighborhood without stopping to pet them? I bet you’d thrive at being a veterinarian or an animal trainer.

    Of course, we probably all went through phases of being interested in something as kids that we have no desire to do anymore. Despite my interest in Pogs, Boondoggles, and Giga Pets circa the sixth grade, I’m not about to deplete my savings to start my very own Pog-Boondoggle-Giga Pet Emporium (though I have to admit, that does sound pretty tempting).

    Still, there may be pieces of your history that have been forgotten; if you uncovered them now, implementing them even in small ways, they may be just the ticket to bring you a renewed sense of enthusiasm or creativity.

    If you loved art more than anything else as a kid but are not in a position to leave your desk job, then maybe you could see if there are community art classes you could sign up for on the weekend, or you could create a weekly craft night with your friends.

    If animals always made your heart skip a beat but your landlord won’t allow pets, perhaps volunteering at an animal shelter would satiate that need for four-legged friendship.

    If you were the class clown growing up but feel like you aren’t laughing as much anymore, maybe you’d enjoy catching some comedians at the local comedy club. Or even doing some stand-up yourself.

    As we all continue to age and expand our ever-growing knowledge, I believe it would be smart to remind ourselves every once in a while of the innate wisdom we had as kids, when we were free to play and explore our interests without wondering what they said about us or how prestigious they seemed to others.

    There may be hidden truths about your passions buried in your childhood that needs rediscovering, and digging them out may be just the thing you need to create an exciting new path for yourself. (Or at the very least, you can remind yourself and be proud of how impressive that Pog collection was.)

    Girl meditating image via Shutterstock