Tiny Buddha

Tag: joy

  • How to Let Go of the Past So It Won’t Anchor You Down

    How to Let Go of the Past So It Won’t Anchor You Down

    “A bend in the road is not the end of the road…unless you fail to make the turn.” ~Unknown

    Let’s face it, we all dwell on the past from time to time. That’s okay—we’re human beings with emotions. As we live life and experience it to its fullest, it’s only natural that we sometimes cling onto what once was.

    But when our desire to cling to the past affects our future, we begin a potentially unhealthy and seemingly endless battle with anchors that can hold us down and sink us.

    For the past six years I’ve dreaded spring. While many would embrace the rain, the newborn green, and the post-winter renaissance, I’d plead with the powers that be to skip past March and April.

    For me, spring is a brutal reminder of a series of unfortunate events. I experienced two subsequent losses that made me think I had to be miserable.

    I carried this burden with me, letting it anchor me down, which made certain locations, dates, and possibilities “off limits.” I dreaded every arrival of spring, afraid that my emotions would spin out of control because of these anchors.

    Sometimes they did, but it took me a while to realize it was because I let them.

    Whether you’ve experienced a breakup, a tragic death, or a streak of bad luck, certain people, places, and things probably anchor you to the past. These tips may help you let go and move forward. (more…)

  • 10 Ways to Let Go of Work on the Weekend

    10 Ways to Let Go of Work on the Weekend

    “One day your life will flash before your eyes. Make sure it’s worth watching.” ~Unknown

    Sometimes, for me, it’s not a matter of if I’ll work on the weekend; it’s a matter of how.

    On the one hand, I’m committed to being mindful and creating balance in my life.

    On the other hand, I have a lot of dreams and goals and I enjoy giving my all to pursuing them. Even if it sometimes means I write on a Saturday or edit on a Sunday.

    I’ve decided that what’s most important is not to create a black-and-white understanding of which days I work and which days I don’t, but instead, to be sure I have sufficient time for play and to focus on fully enjoying it.

    This way, I may devote a couple hours in the morning to work, but it doesn’t dominate my thoughts through the afternoon and evening.

    There are no rules to this whole life thing. There’s no choice that’s good or bad. But there are choices that cause more pain than others. For example: obsessing over work, clients, contacts, and colleagues instead of truly enjoying your downtime, however short or long it may be.

    If you sometimes let work-related stresses bleed into Saturday and Sunday, these tips might help you let go and relax, even if just for pockets of time: (more…)

  • 7 Tips to Keep Technology from Taking Over Your Life (from Wisdom 2.0)

    7 Tips to Keep Technology from Taking Over Your Life (from Wisdom 2.0)

    Buddha on the Phone

    “To change the world we need to combine ancient wisdom with new technologies.” ~Paulo Cohelo

    This weekend I was honored and grateful to speak at Wisdom 2.0, a conference that addressed the question:

    How can we use the technologies of our age, from cell phones to social media, with mindfulness, meaning, and wisdom?

    Organizer Soren Gordhamer, author of Wisdom 2.0: Ancient Secrets for the Creative and Constantly Connected, created nothing short of magic by attracting participants from all sides of the conversation, from Twitter and Facebook to Yoga Journal and Samovar Tea.

    If you’ve ever sat in a room with people who love you, want the best for you, and respect your words and needs, you have a fraction of an idea of what it felt like to attend this conference. There was just that much positive energy radiating from every direction.

    During the first panel of the first day, Chris Sacca (Strategic Advisor for Twitter) joked he’d never, through all his experiences in tech conferences, had so many people pay such close attention to him.

    It was just that sort of crowd: people who want to bring a sense of presence and gratitude to every moment, harnessing technology to meet those needs instead of letting technology hinder them.

    I kept an ear out for the most practical suggestions to manage the constant flow of data through tweets, texts, and emails without letting it consume our lives. Since I missed some of the second day, these mostly come from the first:

    1. Make deliberate choices about time.

    Though most of us probably receive far less email than Chris Sacca, we can all benefit from his conclusion about email: He’s only willing to spend so much time reacting to communication from people instead of creating life as he wants to experience it. For Chris, this means only responding to emails that absolutely require his response.

    He cited some fascinating research that reveals we actually receive a little dopamine rush when we see something new in the inbox.

    My suggestion: realize it’s worth potential guilt over ignoring non-essential messages if it means allowing you more time to be as you’d like to be, and find the dopamine in a healthier way, by doing something new instead of waiting for a new message.

    2. Box out time to put technology away.

    Brad (Google VP of Products) offered this simple advice, perhaps one of the most important ideas: plan for specific times when you won’t engage with technology in any way. When you are using technology, aim to create a new type of flow so you don’t lose yourself or feel anxious when dealing with what’s in front of you.

    3. Remember: the most precious thing you can give someone is your presence.

    Roshi Joan Halifax made this beautiful observation: Though social networking can bring us closer together, nothing can replace warm hand-to-warm-hand contact.

    If you keep in mind that your presence—your attention—is the most precious thing you can give someone else, perhaps you’ll be less tempted to multi-task face-to-face encounters by tweeting, Facebooking, or emailing. It’s this type of simple but powerful understanding that can help us tame the compulsion to connect digitally when it compromises physical connection.

    4. Be mindful of your reasons for connecting to technology.

    Tami Simon, of Sounds True, made some insightful observations about her instinct to pull out a piece of technology. Others from the panel chimed in, creating this list:

    • For stimulation
    • For confirmation of importance (as in, I got so many emails, I must be important!)
    • To connect with other people
    • To have something to do when anxiety creeps in
    • To find an escape from the rawness of an experience or to feel in control

    Self-awareness is such an important step. If you realize why you’re turning to technology in times when connection or learning new information isn’t critical, you’ve made the first step to reconnecting with yourself.

    5. Get the most important things done and let go of the rest.

    If you don’t live in a world where you’re in control of your tasks and schedule, this might be challenging. Still, there are probably a handful of tasks you don’t really need to complete but feel obligated to do for one reason or another.

    Instead of assuming you have an endless list of things to do, which probably leaves you with little time at the end of the day, be clear about what’s important to you and what you can leave undone. It’s okay not to do everything. It’s okay to have emails in the inbox. It’s okay to not update your blog for a day. You deserve time to disconnect.

    6. Make minimal commitments to yourself for a clear mental space.

    Many of us don’t consistently honor what we need to do to maintain physical and emotional well-being because we get sucked into  technology and to-do lists. Gopi Kallayil (from Google) suggests making minimal commitments: one minute of meditation, or five minutes of exercising.

    It’s easier to honor a minimal commitment, and odds are, you’ll find the time so enjoyable you’ll end up increasing it. Gopi also recommends making “non-negotiable commitments” to yourself. For example, he does yoga every Tuesday, and nothing changes that.

    This is what I like to call homework for being a good human being—the things you need to do on your own before you show up to play with others if you’re to be your best, most balanced self.

    7. Track your day’s presence in battery life.

    Leah Pearlman (from Facebook) had some of the most practical suggestions for living peacefully in a technology-driven world. Her main advice was to make it fun instead of considering it another chore.

    I enjoyed her clever realization about cell phone battery life. If your phone’s about to die at the end of the day (or if you need to charge it multiple times) you’re clearly sucked into your gadget. If you can get to the end of the day with some life left, though, you’ve probably lived the day mindfully.

    —

    This is just a brief sampling of what went on at Wisdom 2.0. I didn’t even touch upon my favorite moment from Day 1: when Tony Hsieh explored the culture of kindness and happiness he created at Zappos (as further explored in his book, Delivering Happiness.)

    Instead of giving you the play-by-play, I’ve decided to share the most valuable perspectives I can offer: ones that come from all the good people who lent their hearts to Wisdom 2.0.

    If you’ve blogged about the Wisdom 2.0 conference, let me know and I will add the link here!

    Photo here and here.

  • The Halfhearted Yes: Why We Don’t Say No and How to Start

    The Halfhearted Yes: Why We Don’t Say No and How to Start

    I'm Free

    “A ‘No’ uttered from the deepest conviction is better than a ‘Yes’ merely uttered to please, or worse, to avoid trouble.”  ~Gandhi

    I was having dinner with a friend of mine a couple weeks ago when I asked her about a group she was considering joining. I wanted to know how it was going and what she decided.

    “You know,” she said, “I realized after the first group that I’m not that passionate about it. So, I’m not going to do it. I’d rather make my time available for something that matters more to me.”

    Aside from this being a healthy choice, it was also a very conscious and deliberate choice. She chose in the direction of her passion.

    How many of us take what is handed to us, follow what is put in front of us, or say yes to things that don’t really align with who we are or what we want in our lives?

    I’m a huge fan of the word yes. (more…)

  • The Dalai Lama’s Little Book of Wisdom: Review & Giveaway

    The Dalai Lama’s Little Book of Wisdom: Review & Giveaway

    The Dalai Lamas Little Book of WisdomUpdate: The winners have already been chosen for this giveaway:

    • Josh Kimbell
    • Rob Ruddle
    • Nathan Atkinson

    One of the founding principles behind Tiny Buddha is that simple wisdom, when applied, can have a huge effect on happiness, mindfulness and peace—not just for you, but also for the people around you.

    The most helpful ideas might not seem so simple in the context of our complex lives; but oftentimes, we make things more complicated than necessary by filtering them through a negative attitude or thinking too much and applying too little.

    That’s makes The Dalai Lama’s Little Book of Wisdom so compelling: it’s simultaneously profound and simple. It provides some of the most helpful of the Dalai Lama’s teachings in palatable, bite-size chunks.

    Having had a copy on my nightstand for over a year, I couldn’t have been more excited to receive three copies to give away to readers.

    The book offers insights about finding contentment, dealing with anger and emotions, transforming the mind, and more; and concludes with a question and answer section that addresses how to apply Buddhist wisdom to real life.

    Many of the highlighted passages in my copy have come to you via the Tiny Buddha Twitter stream, and more likely will down the line.

    As the book flap reads: (more…)

  • Writing Your Way to What You Want

    Writing Your Way to What You Want

    Writing

    “All the arts we practice are apprenticeship. The big art is our life.” ~M. C. Richards

    There is an art to living, to creating your life on your terms based on your desires, talents, values, and dreams. In a culture where we must attend thirteen years of school, we’re rarely taught to look within and name what it is we want from life.

    We’re rarely taught that we have the power within to live the lives we want, not what other people expect of us.

    While we can’t control what happens to us, we can control how we respond to what happens based on what we want.

    Five years ago I resigned from teaching in the public schools after giving birth to my son. A year and a half later, awaiting the birth of my daughter, I struggled. I missed teaching. I missed connecting with kids in a classroom.

    I missed having something in my life that was my own. While I felt blessed and lucky to be home, I also wanted to teach. But I didn’t know how to join these two desires that felt mutually exclusive.

    Having written in a journal throughout my twenties and into my thirties, I understood the power of pinning down thoughts into words. So within the swell of this profound transformation into motherhood, I began to write about the things I knew I wanted: (more…)

  • 10 Tips to Advise Wisely: How to Give Advice That Actually Helps

    10 Tips to Advise Wisely: How to Give Advice That Actually Helps

    Two Friends

    “If you propose to speak, always ask yourself, is it true, is it necessary, is it kind.” ~Buddha

    Nothing appears to be going right. The worst part? No one gets it, even though they might claim to.

    Even though you know this is all temporary—it always is—you feel the need to ask other people what you should do. If they say what you want to hear, you’re relieved. But it doesn’t usually work that way. In fact, oftentimes you’re more frustrated than you were before once they put their two cents in.

    We’ve all been there before.

    Think back real hard—what in particular helped or irked you about advice people gave you? Did they say you should have done something differently (which wasn’t very useful after the fact)?

    Did they tell you to stop feeling sorry for yourself because other people have bigger problems? Did they offer some platitudes or cliche advice that sounded impossible to follow?

    When friends have problems that seem incurable and never-ending, you can sense that hopelessness. And you want to fix it, which always seems so simple when you’re sitting on the outside. (more…)

  • How to Want Less and Be Happy About It

    How to Want Less and Be Happy About It

    “Happiness is a way station between too little and too much.” ~Channing Pollock

    The vast majority of my life has been a giant race to get things I’ve assumed would make me happy.

    More money so I could do what I want when I want. A more meaningful career so I could feel both fulfilled and proud of myself. More connections so I could feel loved and worthy. And mostly, more distractions so I could avoid acknowledging why I was unhappy with myself.

    “I’m making progress,” I’d delude myself. “I’m pushing myself to accomplish big things that will help people all over.”

    While those things may have been true, what I was really doing was chasing the possibility of happiness as it existed in an elusive tomorrow.

    Tomorrow, when I’ve made a name for myself. Tomorrow, when I can be proud of making a difference. Tomorrow, when the stars align just right.

    Though I still have to make a conscious choice to root myself in today, I’ve realized nothing I want will ever bring me joy if I consistently attach happiness to something just out of my reach. In fact, more often than not, attaining those things will just make me feel emptier because it will remind me of the void nothing can fill—nothing, that is, except me. (more…)

  • The Book of Awesome: Review & Giveaway (Autographed Copies!)

    The Book of Awesome: Review & Giveaway (Autographed Copies!)

    The Book of AwesomeUpdate: The winners have already been chosen for this giveaway:

    We all know the old adage “enjoy the little things,” but how many times throughout the day do you stop to actively enjoy them? Not just notice them, but absorb yourself in them, without letting your thoughts wander to something else you need or want to do?

    When a baby unclenches his chubby fist and gives you high-five. When you see someone barbecuing and really selling it, like his skewers are his paintbrush and your burger the Mona Lisa. When you catch someone singing in the car next to you, and you both laugh and connect more than strangers usually do.

    How often do you let go of everything else and submit to small pockets of awesome?

    The Book of Awesome (adapted from the award-winning blog 1000awesomethings.com) identifies hundreds of these moments.

    But Neil Pasricha does more than just list them; he notices more awesome details in each experience than most people observe or remember.

    He doesn’t just appreciate all-you-can-eat buffets; he explains how to navigate them for maximum enjoyment. He doesn’t just acknowledge it’s cool when the parking meter still has time on it; he explains the different types of meter-feeding styles, and how awesome it is that they all exist.

    The result is an encyclopedia of joy, from observations to interpretations to experiences. Some moments are silly, some poignant, some nostalgic—but everything is familiar. The book is a brilliant reminder of everything that inspires a smile without treading into saccharine-sweet, Pollyanna territory.

    Despite my instinct to read a few entries each morning to start the day with a smile, I read the entire book in one weekend. Curled up in bed, hunched over on the elliptical, immersed in a hot tub, riding shot gun to a family function, and late at night, when I should have been sleeping.

    I know I’ll read it again—and I’m thrilled Neil has donated two autographed copies so you can enjoy it, too.

    The Giveaway

    To enter to win one of two autographed copies of The Book of Awesome comment below telling us what’s awesome to you!

    For an extra entry, tweet the following:

    RT @tinybuddha Giving away 2 autographed copies of The Book of Awesome! Comment on site & RT to enter http://bit.ly/97VVig

    Readers can enter until midnight, PST on Wednesday, April 15th (when the book is available in stores). I will announce the winners in a post on Thursday. If you can’t wait, order a copy now!

    FTC Disclosure: I receive complimentary books for reviews and interviews on tinybuddha.com, but I am not compensated for writing or obligated to write anything specific. I am an Amazon affiliate, meaning I earn a percentage of all books purchased through the links I provide on this site.

  • 40 Ways to Live Life Without Regrets

    40 Ways to Live Life Without Regrets

    Man and the Moon

    “The saddest summary of life contains three descriptions: could have, might have, and should have.” ~ Unknown

    We all have something stored in our memory banks of the past that we wish we could have done differently, or something we wish we didn’t do.

    As we get older we learn and grow, but that doesn’t mean we have to regret what we did before we learned how to do things differently. If we didn’t go through those experiences, we might not have grown into the strong and knowledgeable people we are today.

    What I’m proposing is that we get rid of the negative thoughts—the could haves, might haves, and should haves—and start living a life that won’t make us feel regretful. Not even at an older, wiser age.

    Here is a list of things you can do to practice living life with no regrets:

    1. Realize that it’s okay to make mistakes. Just make sure to learn from them, forgive yourself, and move on.

    2. Make your health and wellness a top priority and always take care of yourself so you’re ready to take care of others.

    3. Follow your own path, not one that others want you to follow.

    4. Find the humor in life and laugh like there is no tomorrow.

    5. Relax and move with the flow of life by being unafraid of change.

    6. Be adventurous by trying new things and taking more risks.

    7. Have more intellectual curiosity and embrace creativity.

    8. Try to find happiness with as many different people as you can.

    9. Think for yourself instead of letting other people’s opinions influence you too much.

    10. Try not to judge people before you get to know them.

    11. Be thankful for what you have now instead of thinking about what you don’t have.

    12. Wish well upon everyone equally and try to admire without envy.

    13. Share your happiness with others instead of hoarding it all for yourself.

    14. Don’t try to change someone—love who they are now.

    15. Enjoy the journey, not just the destination.

    16. Know that happiness is bigger than any bank account.

    17. Control negative thoughts so that they don’t contribute to the outcome of your life.

    18. Use your energy wisely because spending energy complaining, worrying, or being impatient is just wasted energy.

    19. Be bold. Find the courage to change things that should be changed and accept that there are some things that cannot be changed.

    20. Love your work. If you don’t currently love what you do, figure out what you would love and take the first step toward that life.

    21. Turn your discontent into a mystery and enjoy trying to solve it.

    22. Face problems from different angles in order to find solutions.

    23. Gain independence by realizing that on this earth we are all dependent upon each other.

    24. Change your perspective by taking on a wider view of things.

    25. Don’t waste time trying to bring disagreeable people around to liking you.

    26. Become the person you would like to spend the rest of your life with.

    27. Be honest with yourself and others by saying what you mean and meaning what you say.

    28. Treat people with respect and compassion.

    29. Live in the now by loving the present and being aware of your thoughts and actions. Think happy thoughts and speak powerful words.

    30. Try not to put things off until later.

    31. Never hold grudges.

    32. Face your fears head on and try to do the things that you think you cannot do.

    33. Spend time with people who make you happy while also not depending on other people for your own happiness.

    34. Stand up for yourself and others and don’t let anyone or anything hold you back.

    35. Be yourself and love who you are now.

    36. Be a participant in life rather than an observer.

    37. Do the things that you love to do as much as you can.

    38. Write out a list of goals and achieve them by doing them step by step. Don’t give up when things get difficult.

    39. Do something every day that makes you feel proud of yourself—commit random acts of kindness whenever you get the chance.

    40. And always keep on moving forward.

    I know it seems like a rather large list of things to take on, but you can accomplish a lot on this list by doing just one thing. For example, right now as I’m typing this I’m putting into practice at least eighteen things.

    Put these things into practice and see where life takes you, without regrets. And please comment below. I’d love to read your thoughts on this.

    Man and the moon image via Shutterstock

  • Challenge Week: Kill Your Stress, Befriend Yourself & Dominate Positivity

    Challenge Week: Kill Your Stress, Befriend Yourself & Dominate Positivity

    “Challenges are what make life interesting, overcoming them is what makes life meaningful.” ~Joshua J. Marine

    Hey, I know you’re busy. Aren’t we all? But it’s time you did yourself a favor. Investing in yourself is a surefire way to give your mind a growth spurt without any stretch marks.

    Take a week to reinvent your mindset. Each of these steps requires minimal effort but yield maximum reward. What are you waiting for? Let’s do this.

    This “cleanse” is laid out over the course of a week, but you don’t have to follow each day in any particular order. Tailor each challenge to a specific day that works best for your schedule. After all, what good is a program you can’t stick to? No good, Charlie. No good.

    Day 1: Take a walk and be unreachable.

    Turn off your phone and go for a thirty-minute walk. There’s something to be said about being completely unreachable. Who’s to say that we’re available whenever someone needs us? You are. Like the rest of us, you probably carry a cell phone.

    That means that anyone in the known universe can dial your number and interrupt whatever you’re doing. Important or not, it’s your life. Remember the scene in Rocky when Adrian asks to use his phone? Rocky doesn’t have a phone. “Yo. Who needs the interruption?”

    Take a stand and shut off the world for a half-hour. Walk around the block and resist the urge to see what’s new on Twitter. Your Facebook status doesn’t matter right now. Walk around the block and enjoy being at the mercy of Mother Nature.

    Remember, you’re not doing this to ignore someone, but to embrace no one. If it doesn’t leave you feeling refreshed and empowered, at least you got some fresh air.

    Day 2: Call someone you love.

    Plain and simple, right? I’m sure Aunt Flo would love to hear from you. Grandma Smith melts every time she hears your voice. Crazy Uncle Steven is having a rough day. Cheer him up. Too often we neglect the people we love the most.

    Remember when Cousin Russell fell off the trampoline and broke his arm? That was hilarious. Call him and remind him. This is an easy one that can take as little as five minutes.

    Staying in touch is hugely important. Friends and family are all you’ve got, so remind them that you’re keeping them in your thoughts. You’ll thank yourself later. Guaranteed or your money back.

    Day 3: Compliment a stranger.

    The last time I had a rough day at work, I stopped at Sprouts to grab a sandwich for lunch. Angry at the world and fed up with just about everyone, I refused to make conversation with anyone. As I walked up to the counter to pay for my BLT, the cashier looked me square in the face and said “It’s great to see you! That shirt really brings out your eyes.”

    I was stopped dead in my tracks. It’s impossible to stifle a smile with a greeting like that. If you aren’t instantly cheered up, you’re either Simon Cowell or Gordon Ramsey.

    Giving a compliment is the most effective way to make a difference in someone’s day. Making someone else smile will assuredly make you smile in return. Spread the joy! It could change someone’s life.

    Be sure to compliment a complete stranger. It shows the three essential Cs (character, class, and courage).

    Day 4: Quiet the noise. Turn off the world.

    This is the most difficult challenge of the week. The rules: No texting. No talk radio. No social networks. No e-mail. You’re going to ignore every incoming piece of information possible. When you get a text, respond with a phone call.

    Turn off e-mail notifications and only check your inbox in the morning and in the evening. It’s time for a mental detox. Between Twitter, Facebook, the news, and conversations with friends, there’s always a steady flow of material for your brain to process.

    Take this day to turn it off and cut out the fat. The more information you expose yourself to, the less you will retain. Weeding out the pieces that don’t matter allows you to focus on the things that do. Enjoy your day today, not someone else’s yesterday.

    Day 5: Eat lunch outside.

    What a nice day! Find the nearest park bench and soak in some sunshine. Studies show an increase in focus, memory, and psychological health just from being outdoors. Feel the breeze. Hear the leaves rustle.

    Experiencing the “now” will make you feel infinitely more connected to the universe. As cheesy as it sounds, it’s true. Being in the same environment day after day wears you down. Change it up. Soak in the rays.

    Day 6: Donate.

    Be honest with yourself; you’re pretty lucky. You are probably in good health, have a job, and eat three meals a day. In some countries that’s living like royalty. Why not give yourself the warm-and-fuzzies and give back?

    Find a cause that interests you and give a dollar. A drop in the bucket for you could be a game changer for someone else. When life gives you lemons, give someone else your lemonade. Capisce?

    Day 7: Ignore the clocks.

    What time is it? Who cares. Time is of the essence. Can you imagine how stressed out cavemen would have been if they had set deadlines? Must bring food to camp by noon. Must gather nuts and berries by three. Must cook meat by five. Must invent Guitar Hero before Krom.

    You’re doing the same thing to your day on a macro level without even realizing it. Go an entire day without setting a deadline. Do everything in your power to ignore what time it is. This is probably best done on a Sunday. You have an entire day to do what you will. Take the pressure off!

    Easy, right? I thought so. You’ve done more this week than most people do in an entire year. You donated, exercised, made people smile, and got plenty of fresh air. Way to go, champ! You get a cookie.

    Try and work some of these principles into your daily routine. I try and “tech-cleanse” at least once a month, eat lunch outside at least once a week, and give a compliment at least once a day.

    If you can think of anything else, post it in the comments. Otherwise, thanks for reading! Way to take the initiative, soldier. Until next time, keep on keepin’ on.

    Photo by Jon Shave

  • How to Enjoy the Journey More by Eliminating the Word “Should”

    How to Enjoy the Journey More by Eliminating the Word “Should”

    Beautiful Day

    “Tension is who you think you should be. Relaxation is who you are.” ~Proverb

    A friend of mine once said, “If there’s a word in the English language I detest, it’s ’should.’ What a pointless, useless, waste-of-space (euphemism for other choice adjective) word.”

    I think he’s right on the money. At the risk of sounding hypocritical, you should consider the definition of should, as defined by dictionary.com:

    Should: must; ought (used to indicate duty, propriety, or expediency): You should not do that.

    There is always something we feel we cannot and should not do for fear of humiliation, regret, having to explain ourselves to others, and sometimes to ourselves.

    Should is an instrument of regret. Maybe one of these sounds familiar to you:

    • I should not have lashed out near the end of my last long-term relationship.
    • He should not have been so insensitive or distant; that way I wouldn’t have lashed out.
    • I should really get a grip on life; people must think I’m unmotivated and stagnant.
    • I shouldn’t contact him so often; he must think I’m annoying or needy.
    • I should stop acting upon my emotions because I’ll regret it later.
    • I should clearly try harder because my boss doesn’t give me the time of day.

    Some of these decisions may not lead to the results you want in life. But does it serve you to tag on a conditional disclaimer to everything you’ve said or done in the past? It does if you want, as F. Scott Fitzgerald once wrote, to “beat on, boats against the current, borne back ceaselessly into the past” (The Great Gatsby). (more…)

  • 50 Things You Can Control Right Now

    50 Things You Can Control Right Now

    crystal ball

    “Why worry about things you can’t control when you can keep yourself busy controlling the things that depend on you?” ~Unknown

    CNN reports that psychic businesses are thriving in this challenging economy, and the clientele has expanded to include more business professionals who are worried about their financial future.

    According to Columbia Business School’s Professor Gita Johar, who studies consumer behavior, the greatest motivation for visiting a psychic is to feel a sense of control.

    Sure, there are lots of things we can’t control: businesses may fold, stocks may plummet, relationships may end—the list is infinite, really. But wouldn’t we be far more effective if we focused on all things we can control instead; if we stopped worrying about the indefinite and started benefiting from the guaranteed?

    Right now, you can control:

    1. How many times you smile today.
    2. How much effort you exert at work, or, if you’re not working, how you think about your time off.
    3. Your level of honesty.
    4. How well you prepare, mentally or physically.
    5. How you act on your feelings.
    6. How often you say “thank you.”
    7. When you pull out your wallet for luxuries.
    8. Whether or not you give someone the benefit of the doubt.
    9. How you interpret situations.
    10. Whether or not you compete with people around you.
    11. How often you notice and appreciate small acts of kindness.
    12. Whether you listen or wait to talk.
    13. When you walk away from a conversation.
    14. How nice you are to yourself in your head.
    15. Whether you dwell on negative thoughts or let them go.
    16. Whether or not you form expectations of people.
    17. Whether you eat healthy or unhealthy food.
    18. How you respond to someone’s question or email or call.
    19. How much time you spend worrying.
    20. Whether you try new things or do what you’ve always done.
    21. How often you move your body (if you have the privilege of being mobile).
    22. How many times you swear in traffic (if you’re fortunate enough to own a car).
    23. Whether or not you plan for the weather.
    24. How much time you spend trying to convince people you’re right.
    25. How often you think about your past.
    26. How many negative articles you read.
    27. The attention you give to your loved ones when you see them.
    28. How much you enjoy the things you have right now.
    29. Whether or not you communicate things that are on your mind.
    30. How much physical stuff you accumulate.
    31. What books you read.
    32. Whether you honor your values or not.
    33. How deeply you breathe when you experience stress.
    34. How many times you admit you don’t know something—and then learn something new.
    35. How often you use your influence to help people instead of focusing on building your influence.
    36. When you ask for help.
    37. Which commitments you keep and cancel, or, if you have to cancel many for health reasons, how kind you are to yourself when you do it.
    38. How many risks you take.
    39. How creative/innovative you are in your thinking.
    40. How clear you are when you explain your thoughts.
    41. Whether you formulate a new plan or act on your existing one.
    42. How much information you get before you make a decision.
    43. How much information you share with people.
    44. Whether you indulge unhealthy habits or work to replace them with healthy ones.
    45. Whether or not you judge other people.
    46. How often you tune into your senses to pull yourself into the moment.
    47. How much of what other people say you believe.
    48. How quickly you try again after you fall.
    49. How many times you say, “I love you.”
    50. Whether you focus on what’s going right or what seems to be going wrong.

    Odds are, some of these resonate with you more than others, and that’s okay. You can’t do fifty things at once anyway.

    And some of these things may not be in your control, if, for example, you’re struggling with a debilitating illness. But I’m willing to bet the majority of these things are still within your grasp. The point is to focus on what you personally can control, even if your list differs from mine.

    When I start fixating on something I can’t control, I pick just one of these to think about instead. Minor changes in thinking, I’ve found, lead to major changes in my reality. Do you have any to add to the list?

    Photo by Steve Dean

    **This post has been revised to incorporate valuable feedback from a Tiny Buddha community member.

  • Embarrass Yourself

    Embarrass Yourself

    Dancing

    “To get something you never had, you  have to do something you never did.” ~Unknown

    You’d like to start presenting to clients, but you’re afraid of looking like a deer in the headlights if they ask questions you can’t answer. So you keep thinking about it, waiting for a time when you feel more prepared. More ready. More in control.

    You’ve considered telling your friends you want to publish your novel, but you can’t stand them knowing you failed if things don’t pan out. So you keep it inside, protecting your ego but reinforcing to yourself that you likely can’t do it.

    You’ve decided you don’t want that job you dreamed of as a kid, but the thought of everyone thinking you gave up makes you queasy. So you keep chasing a rainbow that no longer excites you—half in it, half curious what else is out there, but wholly sure you’ll look better if you stay the course.

    The potential for embarrassment motivates people to do and avoid all kinds of things against their better judgment. Statistics show more people fear public speaking than death—meaning they’d rather be hit by a bus than potentially look foolish in front of a crowd.

    Research also indicates a majority of the people who get divorced had a strong feeling before getting married it wasn’t a good idea but honored their promise to avoid embarrassment. (more…)

  • 50 Ways to Be More Peaceful and Mindful Throughout Your Day

    50 Ways to Be More Peaceful and Mindful Throughout Your Day

    “Peace is not something you wish for. It’s something you make, something you do, something you are, and something you give away.” ~Robert Fulghum

    Recently I’ve been spending a lot of time visiting 1000 Awesome Things, a blog devoted to the many simple pleasures in life. Some of them remind me of being a kid, like this one about celebrities on Sesame Street. Others remind of me I’m stronger than I think, like this one about getting through difficult situations.

    With that in mind, you can imagine how excited I am to receive a copy of Neil’s upcoming book, aptly named The Book of Awesome. I’m even more excited that I’ll be able to give away two autographed copies when I write my review. (Coming soon!)

    In the meantime, as a way to pay tribute to this awesome book and my awesome new friend, I’ve decided to create my own awesome list, tinybuddha style.

    Here are fifty peaceful things to help you be mindful and happy throughout the day: (more…)

  • 8 Ways to Increase Your Joy Factor

    8 Ways to Increase Your Joy Factor

    Jumping for Joy

    “Sometimes your joy is the source of your smile, but sometimes your smile can be the source of your joy.” ~Thich Nhat Hanh

    When I lived in Santa Monica a few years back, I developed a friendship with a woman I learned a lot from. She was a yogini, writer, and actress.

    One day she asked if I wanted to take a ride to her dentist’s office with her.  She said it was fifteen minutes away but would take forty-five minutes to get there. Noticing the difference in the times, I asked the obvious question.

    “Oh,” she said, “I always take the scenic route.”

    Abraham Hicks said, “Reduce your workload by 30% and increase your fun load by 30% and you will increase your revenues by 100%. And you will increase your productivity by 10,000% (If there could be such a percentage). More fun, less struggle—more results on all fronts.”

    My friend did this well. She always opted for the scenic route. It didn’t matter where we were going; she found a way to make it magical and fun.

    Whether it was a meet-up for Banana Creme Pie at Babalu’s on Montana or an outing with our notebooks on the beach in Malibu, our lives were special today, no matter where we were hoping to get to tomorrow.

    We think that it’s not until we get “there” that we can begin to enjoy what we have, but the basic premise of law of attraction is that what we focus on grows. So, wouldn’t we want to enhance that part of our life that we really want?

    The only reason we want anything in our lives—more money, more freedom, more love, more friendships— is that we think we’ll experience more joy if we have those things. So, why not make the choice to experience more joy now? (more…)

  • 7 Reasons to Be Happy Even if Things Aren’t Perfect Now

    7 Reasons to Be Happy Even if Things Aren’t Perfect Now

    Happy

    “Being happy doesn’t mean that everything is perfect. It means you’ve decided to look beyond the imperfections.” ~Unknown

    Even though I couldn’t possibly care less about oil-based raincoats, I listened to him talk for about fifteen minutes one rainy morning last week.

    This little guy, with his colorful button-down shirt and funny-looking hat makes my day most mornings. He works at the 7-11 where I get my coffee. And he always seems happy.

    At first I thought he was just putting on a good face, making the best of a tough situation. After all, he couldn’t possibly enjoy working at a convenience store, right?

    Then I realized I was missing the biggest part of his appeal: he does enjoy his job, and that’s why he seems so happy—because he is.

    Man, that’s awesome. I aim to be like him.

    My life doesn’t always look exactly like I want it to. I spend many days writing alone in my living room when I’d rather work from a beachside office space I share with friends. I drive a beat-up old Toyota when I’d far prefer something that doesn’t have roll-up windows or a cassette player.

    But the world doesn’t change all that much if I have more money, a different space, a better job, or a nicer car. The wrapping paper is different, but the gift inside stays the same.

    The way I feel about myself, how much I open myself to new people and experiences, how often I choose to smile simply because it feels good—none of these things depend on my life situation. Colorful shirt guy knows that. I suspect he knows these things, too: (more…)

  • See and Tell

    See and Tell

    Gratitude

    “Appreciation is a wonderful thing. It makes what is excellent in others belong to us as well.” ~Voltaire

    There are a lot of impressive people in the world. Some innovate and invent things that help masses of people. Some use art to tell powerful stories that move viewers to action.

    Others make the world a better place by being helpful within their own sphere of influence, however small or large it may be.

    Those little things define people.

    The way your neighbor asks how you’re doing and really listens for the answer. How your coworker supports your ideas and gives you encouragement to see them through. The way your sister makes your house a better place by staying calm when others seem stressed.

    These are all acts of greatness that affect other people, whether they notice or not.

    Noticing is a powerful act.

    A compliment rooted in truth creates more than just a smile. It shows someone you see the good in them, independent of what they achieve. It tells them they not only matter, they really make a difference—something we all hope to do.

    Tell someone what you see today. Let them know how simply being them makes a difference in your world. Life looks a lot brighter when you open your eyes to the light in people around you.

    Photo credit