Tag: joy

Childhood Dreams That Are Attainable Now

“A man is not old until regrets take the place of his dreams.” ~Proverb

Something beautiful just occurred to me.

I spend so much time stressing over my future adult achievements—a good career, a home for life, getting published, an adult relationship, possibly a kid and a large dog—that I don’t often revel in the things that seven-year-old me would have been stoked about.

How many of us do?

I try to treat my inner child with something every week, like painting, playing with my cat, or indulging in some candy—a very rare thing! But I don’t often think of achieving the dreams I had as a kid.

You know the type: ride your bike as fast as you can without coming off, climb to the top of that tree, make a mud pie that your parents would be totally happy for you to drag into the house.

Those things seem absurdly simple now, which is all the more reason to embrace and celebrate them as adults. Here are some of my childhood dreams that I’ve reached, experience on a regular basis, or still hope to fulfill: (more…)

September 14, 2010
Do, Adjust, Do: A Journey to Meaningful, Satisfying Work

“If we are facing in the right direction, all we have to do is keep on walking.” ~Proverb

I couldn’t drive, drink, vote, or stay out after nine, and yet I had two jobs.

I started working just before I turned twelve. My parents didn’t have a lot of money, so I knew early on I’d need to work if I wanted to do fun things, like go to music camp.

After school, I went to a program for kids where I led them in creative activities, like singing and arts and crafts. On the weekends, I ran the dozen counter at my family friends’ bagel shop.

I haven’t stopped working since I was twelve, and at times I’ve held more than three jobs at once. To some extent, it’s because I’m resourceful and ambitious.

But it’s partly because I’m one of those people who refuses to spend forty hours a week doing something I don’t love. So I end up spending sixty hours doing a combination of things, some I adore and some that allow me to do those other projects.

I have a lot of friends who work jobs they loathe, some in corporate environments, some in retail, and others at start-up companies. Though the atmosphere and job descriptions vary, they all involve eight-plus hours a day, work that doesn’t satisfy them, and steady paychecks that justify it.

When I chose to study writing and acting in college, I assumed it would all work out when I graduated—that I’d instantly make the right connections and fall into the perfect life.

Once I was in the real world, my confidence started to falter. I felt overwhelmed when I realized I’d have to struggle, and I began talking myself out of my dreams. (more…)

September 12, 2010
The Magic of Making Mistakes: 3 Tips to Lead an Exciting Life

“The greatest mistake you can make in life is to be continually fearing you will make one.” ~Elbert Hubbard

This year has been a massive change for me. I had enough of the lameness that was freezing my previous life. Always experiencing the same days, meeting the same people, and doing the same things. Over and over again. Enough!

I did a complete 180-turn.

I changed the way I perceive mistakes and that made all the difference. My life is now more exciting than ever. I meet awesome people and do awesome things.

Making mistakes has been the life changing magic that I was lacking before.

Here are my three vibrant tips that will drastically change the way you perceive mistakes: (more…)

September 8, 2010
Approaching the Site’s 1-Year Anniversary (Giveaways!)

It’s a pretty exciting week in Tiny Buddha world. Several months back, I decided to have Tiny Buddha redesigned.

Well, we decided. There is an amazing man named Joshua Denney who has done a lot of work on the site.

It’s through his passion, expertise, and hard work that we’ll have a completely new design at the end of this week.

One of the reasons I’m excited to launch the new site this week is that Thursday is the site’s one-year anniversary.

With that in mind, I’ve decided to do a few things:

1. Conduct a series of book giveaways leading up to the anniversary/redesign.

2. Highlight some of the milestones from the first year’s journey.

3. Share some of the most popular posts from the year past. (more…)

September 6, 2010
Learning and Unlearning: A Journey of Self-Acceptance

“What you are is what you have been. What you’ll be is what you do now.” ~Buddha

A teacher of mine once said, “Don’t show up as the person you think you are. Show up as the person you want to be.”

A powerful statement, but I didn’t know who I wanted to be. Even if I did, I wasn’t sure if I could pull it off.

I knew who I didn’t want to be: self-critical, self-conscious, and always focusing on my shortcomings. I wanted to learn how to get out of my own way.

For a long time, I thought improving my external situation by becoming richer, thinner, and smarter meant that I was learning. Not to say that accomplishing those things isn’t learning. However, in that cycle I wasn’t learning, but repeating the same story.

I kept trying to get from A to Z by pushing myself and always expected my results to meet my expectations. And the vicious cycle continued. I thought I’m not good enough; I’m pathetic and I’ll never get it right.

Ironically, my desire to learn continued to work against me. (more…)

August 31, 2010
5 Ways to Find Your Balance

“Happiness is not a matter of intensity but of balance, order, rhythm and harmony.” ~Thomas Merton

The yoga class I attended yesterday included a number of balance posts, from simple tree pose to a “floating” ardha chandrasana. I am not certain why, but I was struggling to find a steady balance on one side.

I arrived late feeling flustered, and my mind was spinning and worrying as we worked our way into the flow. I had to struggle to make my gaze steady, and I was starting to beat myself up for the wobbling on my left leg.

Then I had a realization: This is really the whole point of balancing poses, if not yoga itself. The point is simply to be with yourself, no matter where you are at that moment. Or, as Thich Nhat Hanh said, “Smile, breathe, and go slowly.”

Later, I thought a lot about balance and how we are always trying to find it in our lives. I talk with patients about it almost every day, and no one seems to feel they have it under control. (more…)

August 29, 2010
On Fearing Change: When It’s Time to Take a Leap of Faith

“Don’t fear failure so much that you refuse to try new things. The saddest summary of life contains three descriptions: could have, might have, and should have.” ~Unknown

There are two basic human emotions that are the driving force behind each thought, each daily inspiration, and that rare but pivotal new-chapter, life-changing decision. Those things are fear and love.

The funny thing, however, is that they are intertwining forces. In order to feel passionately about something, fear and love must coexist.

One year ago I made what some people would consider an irrational decision. I had a great job, a flexible boss, and rainbow-colored work walls, to boot.

I had a circle of close-knit, happy-hour-loving girlfriends who brought overflowing amounts of joy and adventure to my life. Together we’d paint Los Angeles red, fly to Chicago on a “girls’ trip” whim, and celebrate each other’s birthdays in Las Vegas.

Within our friendly beach-side neighborhood were my favorite Thai restaurant, faithful yoga studio, and the best omelet breakfast spot within a five miles radius of each other. My adoring family was a short one-hour Southwest flight away, so I could always access TLC from mom and dad.

I was comfortable, I was happy, but most of all I was where everyone wants to be—safe. (more…)

August 26, 2010
Punished By Anger

“You will not be punished for your anger; you will be punished by your anger.” ~Buddha

I went camping recently, something that I was really looking forward to, but I didn’t last long. Due to health conditions, my friend and I had to abandon camp at three in the morning because the cold got to me in a big way.

This awful experience has left me feeling dejected and rather ashamed of myself. Who the hell can’t manage a couple of nights camping? I’m being too hard on myself, but the point is I’m feeling angry.

You know what that whole anger thing is like:

Your kid goes over the other side of town with friends when you’ve asked them not to because you don’t want them to get hurt. Your sister borrows your favorite top and spills wine down it, then hides it back in your wardrobe. Your best friend nails that promotion after saying she wouldn’t apply because she knew you were desperate for it.

There are countless situations in our lives that can give rise to anger. It’s up to us to recognize them and do something about it before it gets out of hand.

I admit it: I am an angry person. How angry you ask? (more…)

August 19, 2010
Why It’s Hard to Trust Our Instincts and How to Start

“Trust yourself. You know more than you think you do.” ~Benjamin Spock

I was talking to a friend of mine a couple weeks ago. I was telling her how I always know when it’s time for me to move. She asked me, “How do you know? What makes you aware that you ‘know’ this?”

It was a reasonable question: What is the actual sign that indicates that you “know” to do anything?

“You just know,” I told her.

“But how?” she asked, curiously.

I didn’t really have a good answer for her at the time, but it stuck with me.

After thinking about it for awhile, I realized it’s not in the “knowing” that we get stuck. We always know. It’s in how well we trust what we know, and whether we’re willing to trust it enough to act upon it.

So, how do you know that you “know” something?

Well, let me ask you this: How did you know that you were going to marry the person you married, or take the job you were offered, or go see the new doctor you read about?

What made you decide that this was the right decision for you? What made you “know” that the house you bought was the right one for you or the apartment you chose to rent was the perfect spot for you?

It’s intangible, isn’t it? It’s a feeling. You know, and then you “know” that you know. (more…)

August 17, 2010
4 Life-Changing Lessons I’ve Learned from Running Tiny Buddha

“Let yourself be silently drawn by the strange pull of what you really love.” ~Rumi

I have been working on Tiny Buddha for over two years, and yet I’ve rarely written about my experiences running it.

I haven’t told you anything about my own challenges, opportunities, and lessons in maintaining the site, and it occurred to me today that that might be valuable information.

You probably have a Tiny Buddha in your own life—something you created that you’re absolutely in love with. Or maybe you haven’t found it yet, but you want to build something that drives you like nothing else.

Tiny Buddha has been that for me, and I’d like to share with you a few of the most valuable lessons I’ve learned along the way: (more…)

August 12, 2010
Writing Your Story: 5 Ways to Discover Your World

“The future is completely open, and we are writing it moment to moment.” ~Pema Chodron

This past year has been one of tremendous self-discovery. One day, I suddenly realized after nine years of a very straight finance-paved path that I no longer wanted to be a corporate banker.

Instead, I wanted to wake up each morning with a bigger purpose—an idea of who I was and what I stood for outside of this corporate lifestyle.

Since that day, I seemed to be in tiresome pursuit in finding my story. I even seriously debated moving out of the country to build character and expand my journey.

While my own story is one that remains on the preface page, I have realized in several months of contemplation that we can’t discover our personal novel by rushing the process or through constant over analyzing.

It is, instead, a combination of our daily experiences and the wisdom we receive from them that shapes our meaning. (more…)

August 10, 2010
4 Tips to Get in Touch with Your Feelings Instead of Burying Them

“Hope is the feeling that the feeling you have isn’t permanent.” ~Jean Kerr

I’ve just given up smoking. Again. It’s a bad habit that I can’t seem to shake because I’m likely to relapse when I’m stressed.

I try to rationalize my destructive behavior—I don’t smoke heavily, I don’t smoke that much since I stick to rolling tobacco which makes thinner cigarettes, it’s fifteen minutes to myself where nobody will question why I’m taking time to do and think about nothing.

No matter how much I justify my bad habit, I can’t deny that I’m dependent on a bad thing to cancel out a bunch of other bad things.

Most of us use destructive methods to avoid difficult things on occasion. We may choose to remain silent in the face of confrontation instead of speaking out and defending ourselves, or we might hide behind our anger instead of admitting that we’re frustrated and scared.

Here’s what I’ve been doing to deal with my feelings instead of avoiding them: (more…)

August 5, 2010
How to Experience True Freedom to Live a Life with Fewer Limits

“I know but one freedom and that is the freedom of the mind.” ~Antoine de Saint-Exupery

I don’t know about anyone else, but sometimes I can be a prisoner to my own thoughts and forget that I have the freedom to choose. Choose a different thought. Choose a different experience. Choose a different interpretation.

I remember having a coach that used to listen to me rant. I would be sure I was the victim of something that was happening to me, and I would tell her all about it expecting sympathy.

She would listen patiently and then say, “Yeah? And what’s another way you could look at it?” I would pause to come up with some different interpretation. And then she would say, “Good. And what’s another way you could look at it?”

I would really have to stretch, because I was sure that the first way I told her was the only way it happened.

Her point, of course, was that there are a number of ways you can interpret things. And we have to watch our stores—the stories we tell ourselves. (more…)

August 3, 2010
Make Now Count: How to Live a Fun Life Full of Possibilities

“Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional.” ~Unknown

My daughter Nava suffered a medical crisis and was hospitalized for one year. She was in a drug-induced, paralyzed coma on a ventilator for three months, teetering on the seesaw of life and death, much closer to the death side.

Miraculously surviving, she moved on to a rehab hospital for the next nine months where she had to relearn each and every body and motor function. Two miracles occurred: one, she survived; and two, she had a complete recovery, with her life back as before.

Because I have my daughter back, whole and intact, I feel like I’ve been given a second lease on life.

I live my life with zest, fervor, and a sense of urgency. There’s nothing like bearing witness to the fragility of life to make one live better.

Despite the pain, hardship, adversity, and challenges that life dishes out, we have to find and create the good. (more…)

July 29, 2010
Mindfulness in Everyday Tasks: How to Get the Most from Your Chores

“Smile, breathe and go slowly.” ~Thich Nhat Hanh

Last night I did something I rarely do. Drum roll please…

…last night I cooked.

Okay, to be fair, I more prepped than cooked. But my willingness to participate in this domestic ritual, with my boyfriend at the helm, was certainly not the norm. Neurotic as I may be with organizing and cleaning, cooking has never been my thing.

For starters, I’m cheap with food. I’d rather spend money on books and pedicures than saffron and truffles. I realize I could channel my inner Rachael Ray and learn to make budget-friendly meals, but an even easier approach is to make full use of my Subway rewards card.

It’s not just my aversion to spending on consumables that attracts me to cheap take-out and cereal. It’s also a matter of priorities.

I look at the day as blocks of time—much like Hugh Grant in About a Boy. Left to my own devices, I fill those blocks with tried-and-tested activities, like writing, reading, watching movies, and practicing yoga. Suffice it to say, cooking isn’t on my list.

I know I enjoy my world better when I make little changes to my routine—when I take alternative routes to familiar places or make spontaneous plans with old friends, for example. But sometimes I need reminders to do things differently.

Tonight’s reminder brought me to the cutting board, and I must admit I enjoyed it far more than I would have imagined. (more…)

July 27, 2010
On Perfect Timing: When Things Aren’t Happening Fast Enough

“After winter comes the summer. After night comes the dawn. And after every storm, there comes clear, open skies.” ~Samuel Rutherford

I was talking to someone this week about his feeling that things weren’t happening fast enough. That with all he was doing, intending, and putting out there more should be happening, and faster.

My question to him was, “Really? Should things really be happening faster? Or are you exactly where you’re supposed to be?”

We have a tendency to think we have it all figured out. When it should happen, how it should happen, who it should happen with—and before it’s “too late.”

We are powerful creators in life, but the truth is, we’re not in this alone. There are other forces at play, and for the most part, to our benefit.

Have you ever had something occur in your life that you had wished for years earlier, only to realize that now was the perfect timing? That in fact, you wouldn’t have been ready for it any earlier? That in retrospect, everything was leading up to the perfect moment of this unfolding? (more…)

July 25, 2010
On Dealing with Fear: Stop Judging Yourself and Be

“Fear is a natural reaction to moving closer to the truth.” ~Pema Chodron

I’m arachnophobic. Last night, a large spider took up residence on the wall in my room. The shock of seeing its dark mass seated comfortably against the stark white of the paint made the blood drain from my head.

I have ways of dealing with my fears. Sometimes I ignore them and plunge in head-first without thinking; sometimes I avoid them altogether and run for the hills. When it comes to spiders though, I humanize the situation.

I gave Richie, as I named my new roommate, the same courtesy I give to all animals.

After a bit of careful planning, I took a deep breath and eased Richie into his temporary residence, ready for relocation to the floating garden. He was evidently more terrified than I was, although he had no reason to be. Even though he felt mortally threatened, I treated him with the same kindness and respect that I show my pets.

I realized then I needed to do the same for myself. I needed to give myself a little kindness and accept that my fears aren’t necessarily based in reality. (more…)

July 22, 2010
How to Have More Fun in Life: Keep Your Thoughts from Pulling You Down

“If it’s not fun, you’re not doing it right.” ~Bob Basso

A couple weeks back, my boyfriend and I went to our local county fair. I love—love—fairs.

Forget for a minute that adult-me now gets vertigo just looking at a roller coaster; and that my thirty-year-old digestive track nearly explodes when I catch a whiff of carnie food. When you factor in my increasing interest in crafts and farm animals, it somewhat evens out.

If you’re the fly-by-the-seat-of-your-pants, thrill-seeker type, that might sound as exciting as watching paint dry. But I really do love petting furry little creatures and thinking about things I can make.

Standing in the petting zoo, surrounded by llamas, sheep, goats, and even a wallaby, I felt like a kid on Christmas morning. I hopped around to spend equal time with everyone; didn’t want the donkey to feel slighted. I played, I frolicked, I may even have skipped a little.

Truthfully, I would have been equally psyched just to sit back and be a farm voyeur. Just watching the animals scamper and seeing kids’ faces light up as they fed them, I felt happy and peaceful. I didn’t even mind when the goat bit my pant leg. He could have gnawed a hole into my favorite Seven jeans and I still would have found it charming.

Sunny little giggles, that rustic barn smell, the feeling of disconnection from chaotic urban life—everything about that moment appealed to me. I was having fun. (more…)

July 21, 2010
6 Tips to Deal When You Feel Out of Control: When Your World Gets All Shook Up

“Why worry about things you can’t control when you can keep yourself busy controlling the things that depend on you?” ~Unknown

I celebrated an anniversary recently. It was the night I experienced my first, and hopefully last, earthquake.

My husband and I had retired for the evening as usual—said our goodnights and went to sleep. I was jarred awake at 2:30 AM by him trying to pull me from our bed. At the same moment I heard the most deafening roar. Could a freight train be barrelling through our loft?

Our attempts to escape the upper level were hampered by the violent shaking. As we stepped forward we were propelled side-to-side. We were being tossed like rag-dolls as we scrambled down the stairs, only to be greeted by the sound of glass objects smashing from below.

Skirting around the shards of broken stemware, we fumbled with the house keys and made our escape to the front porch. The same instant that we arrived outside, the 7.3 earthquake stopped as abruptly as it had started.

We were fortunate that our home did not collapse on top of us, that in our community there was no loss of life, and the tsunami that we were warned about never materialized.

Although we were lucky and it only lasted sixty seconds, I put earthquakes at the top of my list of things I never want to experience again.

So why celebrate the anniversary of such an event? (more…)

July 18, 2010
Stop Second-Guessing Yourself: 5 Tips to Feel at Ease with Decisions

“Good decisions come from experience, and experience comes from bad decisions.” ~Unknown

A reader recently wrote to me:

“I struggle with making decisions and always second-guess myself… I recently had to make a decision about something and after giving it a lot of thought, I decided. Now, months later, my decision is eating me up and I can’t stop thinking I made the wrong decision. So I guess my point is once you decide, how do you stop yourself from second guessing?”

I know I’ve been there, having made a decision I not only second-guessed but wish I hadn’t made and couldn’t take back.

I think there are two parts to each of us: who we are day to day, and who we are in our broader intentions. Second-guessing comes when the smaller part—the one that is at the effect of everything—is afraid of the greater part that’s forging a new way.

When we make any decision, for better or for worse, we effect change. And sometimes it’s scary to be responsible for the change we effect. That’s why I love the saying. “Make a decision. And then make the decision right.” (more…)

July 15, 2010