Tag: joy

How to Start a Gratitude Practice and Change Your Life

“When you realize there is nothing lacking, the whole world belongs to you.” ~Lao Tzu

Somewhere in the distant past, out here in New Zealand, I recall someone saying to me “Be grateful for small mercies.”

Back in the 1950s, when I was a small girl, that meant being grateful for the simple things that made up the better part of my life.

As I grew, I forgot that piece of advice that someone, probably my beautiful grandmother, gave me way back then. But in 2010, I remembered it again.

Like so many people in the world in 2010, troubles were crowding in on me.

My American same-sex partner and I had not been able to see each other for over a year, due to both the usual constraints—American immigration law does not recognize our relationship—and the not so usual—the recession, joblessness, bankruptcy, and threatened foreclosure on our American home.

In July my father died in New Zealand, and it was at that point I threw in the towel. Life was beyond me. Life was too big for me. I was like that small girl back in the 1950s trying to wear her big sister’s wool jersey, only it was way too big for her—she was swamped!

At that moment I fired off an email to the great love of my life in New York. “Darling, I am beginning a gratitude list. Here are five things I am grateful for. Now you add to that and let’s start letting the universe know we love its small mercies!”

And so we did.

We began to shift our focus away from the pain we felt at not being able to be together, from the heartbreaking loss of people we loved, and from the impending loss of the home where we had known such happiness.

Now I gave thanks for the silence that enabled me to hear the birdsong in my New Zealand garden, for my tea and toast, for my cozy bed, for the clear blue sky.

She gave thanks for the good deeds she had been able to do that day and for the help others had given her. She gave thanks for the beautiful day, for her pizza, and for the delicious water she was able to gather from an underground spring near her house in upstate New York.

And then, as the months went on, a curious thing happened. We stopped feeling alone. Together we summoned a power neither of us could have summoned alone. (more…)

April 12, 2011
Zen Your Commute: How to Get Started with Bicycling

“I cannot make my days longer so I strive to make them better.” ~Henry David Thoreau

Every weekday morning, I set off from my back gate on my bicycle, pushing away from the safe shore of home and entering the unpredictable current of urban life. Every morning, I look forward to the adventure.

Over the course of the ride to work, I watch the city wake up. I feel the particular nuances of the day’s weather—perhaps humid, with a storm building over the mountains, or maybe a faintly warm breeze crosscuts the morning chill, carrying a hint of spring.

I know as I ride east that the rising sun is slightly higher than it was at this time last week. I smell coffee roasting and last night’s fried food dissipating as I pedal through the commercial district at the edge of the university campus. I see birds and runners and dog-walkers, and people doing yard work before the heat of the day sets in.

By the time I get to work, I’m ready to engage in my day. My bike ride serves as a transition from my habit of early morning solitude to a socially engaging workplace, where I need to be “on” most of the time.

Likewise, the ride home is a chance to release the day’s stress, to create a buffer between my work and personal lives.

Like many people, I struggle to keep work “in its place”: not to continue to obsess about it in my free time, to let it go until the next work day. Driving home so often contributes to stress. But when I arrive home by bike, it’s as if I’ve gradually released my work day with each circular swipe of my pedals.

There are many reasons to commute by bike. Simply put, it’s good for you and good for the planet. (more…)

April 7, 2011
7 Things That Influence Happiness That You Don’t Need to Have

“Being happy doesn’t mean that everything is perfect. It means you’ve decided to look beyond the imperfections.” ~Unknown

When someone asks, “Are you happy?” we tend to look around at our peers and see how they are living.

If we’re better off than our peers, it’s likely that we decide to be happy. Therefore, one of the tricks of being happy is to change the group we compare ourselves to.

Silicon Valley gossip columns enjoy pointing out that Oracle’s software titan Larry Ellison, whose $40 billion net worth makes him one of the top ten richest people in America, is not the happiest guy around, mainly because he always compares himself to Bill Gates.

Meanwhile, on the Appalachian Trail, some backpackers feel smug because they got a spot in a shelter (which only has three walls and frequently has rodents nearby), whereas the latecomers have to set up their tent in the rain.

For some reason most backpackers covet the spots in the shelters, and prefer cramming next to snoring neighbors than setting up their tent.

I suppose if we put Larry Ellison on the Appalachian Trail, he might feel better about himself if we somehow made sure that he always got to stay in one of the shelters (and Bill Gates had to sleep outside under a shoddy tarp).

Let’s say you’re a thru-hiker (someone who spends months hiking an extremely long trail). Now imagine that someone visits your campsite and gives you and your four friends an envelope.

You open yours and it says that you get a free pizza at the next town. If you’re like most thru-hikers, you’d do a somersault with your backpack on!

Clearly, you would be ecstatic: Most thru-hikers value fresh food more than anything on the trail.

(more…)

April 6, 2011
Be Part of the First Tiny Buddha YouTube Video

As you may have noticed, there’s been a Tiny Buddha YouTube channel up for months now. There have been nearly 3,000 views on the page but, thus far, there aren’t any videos on there.

Today is the day that changes!

Since I launched this website in the fall of 2009, Tiny Buddha has been all about community.

Each week, I publish 4 blog posts from Tiny Buddha readers. I’ve published nearly a dozen posts that incorporated wisdom from members of the Tiny Buddha Facebook page. I even included tweets from Tiny Buddha Twitter followers in my upcoming book (available through Conari Press at the end of the year!)

It seems to me that the best way to launch the Tiny Buddha YouTube channel is to feature a video that includes all of you.

The Video Topic: What Makes You Smile?

The first Tiny Buddha video is going to about all about happiness–more specifically, the things that make you smile. Think about the things that bring you the most joy: your baby laughing, your dog rolling around in leaves, the sun setting at the beach.

Now go and get it on camera! It can be a short clip, and it doesn’t need to be professional quality (though, of course, the clearer, the better). You can be in the shot, or it can be just the thing you love. Whatever makes you happy!

The result will be a collection of short clips from Tiny Buddha readers from all over the world, all edited together into one feel-good video. (more…)

March 23, 2011
Overcome the Fear of Success: 6 Ways to Start Thriving

“He is able who thinks he is able.” ~Buddha

How would you answer the question: “Are you successful in life?”

I know many people who would say that they are not successful; at least they have not reached success in the areas that feel important to them. I have been one of those people.

One day I asked myself “What keeps me from being successful?” It took me a while to come up with the answer but I realized that I was holding myself back.

Why? Well, maybe I was afraid that when I started something I would fail. Maybe I was afraid that I was not “one of those people” who get everything they go after. Maybe I felt that I didn’t deserve success in life.

The truth is that I didn’t believe that I was able. I was not able to be successful, able to be happy, or able to fully enjoy my life. Does this scenario sound familiar to you?

If you want to be truly successful in life (and who doesn’t?) then first of all you have to learn to believe in yourself. If you do not think that you can be successful, then who will?

Life success does not mean that you will not fail but it means that your mistakes will teach you something and show you a better way to get what you want. (more…)

March 20, 2011
Overcoming Perfectionism: The Joy of Just Okay

“The amount of happiness that you have depends on the amount of freedom you have in your heart.” ~Thich Nhat Hanh

Yesterday I was talking to my dear friend Erin about all the pressures to be perfect—to be more than just enough. To always be striving to be 100%.

I realized later that this has been going on all my life. Haven’t we all felt it?

In grade school, the importance of getting those A’s, being on the teacher’s list, always getting the gold star.

In high school, being popular, being smart, being a jock—whichever lane we chose to fit into to, there was always the hierarchy of being the best.

Later came the career ladder—always needing to excel. Not to even mention the pressures to be a perfect parent and the ongoing need to be the perfect child.

Okay, my neck is stiff just writing this.

I am a child of the fifties. I remember people having hobbies, just doing things they enjoyed with no value system attached. Whether it was painting a picture, crocheting a potholder, or making furniture in the garage, the point was the joy.

I don’t remember a lot of apologies about how something wasn’t up to some predefined set of standards. The end product might wind up on a wall or in the entryway, but it might stay in the garage.

The point was the experience, not the outcome. A lot of weird crafts on the wall were just accepted. (more…)

December 27, 2010
The Beginner’s Guide to Simple Daily Happiness

“Happiness is not something ready made. It comes from your own actions.”~Dalai Lama

Some days I wake up with rocket fuel in my veins, ready to take the day by storm. Happiness comes totally natural. But on others it can feel like I have lead weights strapped to my shoes.

Have you ever been there?

We all have.

Happiness is a practice. It’s on us to learn it.

While some days are easier to find a smile than others, happiness is a daily choice. It’s a mindset we can nurture and train. That doesn’t mean it’s there every second, but when you notice it’s missing, often the tiniest shift can put you right back on top of the world.

Life will constantly test your ability to make a lemon martini out of the sourest of lemons. So be ready. Here’s your guide.

I know that some of the below sound pretty common sense. Unfortunately common sense is not always common practice. This stuff works. (more…)

December 5, 2010
Finding Joy in the Ruins of a Crushed Dream

“Life is a process of becoming. A combination of states we have to go through. Where people fail is that they wish to elect a state and remain in it. This is a kind of death.” ~Anais Nin

Five months ago, my partner Mike and I were offered jobs as English teachers in a school in China. Excitedly, we moved everything we owned into storage, organized our passports and visas, said farewell to our loved ones, and left our home in Melbourne within a month, not to be home again for a year.

We had just started to settle in to our new home in Daqing, in the Heilongjiang province of northern China, when the unthinkable happened: I got fired.

I still don’t know exactly how it happened, but the principal had hired both of us to replace only one teacher. When he realized his mistake, he decided to just fire me. No explanation, no apology for inviting me to pack up my whole life and move to the other side of the world and then firing me after a month—not even the decency to pay me for the work I did.

Nothing.

To make matters worse, they withheld our passports after they’d been processed so that we couldn’t leave the city. We had to get the police involved in order to get them back.

This was a very confusing time for us. We didn’t know whether to stay in China for the rest of our year or just go home. But Mike still had a job with the school, and I knew that I would be giving up if we went home after only one month, so we decided stay. (more…)

December 1, 2010
On Making Positive Choices for a Happy, Empowered Life

“Life is a choice.” ~Unknown

I’ve recently realized that life is a never-ending stream of choices, even when you think you don’t have many options.

Some look insignificant on their own but somehow manage to contribute to a massive whole. Others can feel overwhelming, and you don’t always realize when you make them what the consequences will be—how they’ll shape your life story.

The biggest decision I’ve made in the past six months is to return to university and complete the MA Creative Writing course I began two years ago. It’s almost a choice I never made—a life I never had—though it leads to the future I’ve dreamed about for years.

Good stories aren’t about people; they’re about action. They’re about what people do and what happens when they do these things.

What we do is based upon the choices we make, whether it be in our everyday efforts to keep on top of our washing or in the extraordinary moments when we decide to take that job offer, even though friends and family don’t understand because it’s less money (but a lot more fun).

Over a year ago my ‘action’ was to intermit my studies because I needed to get my health under control. I was hoping the decision of whether or not to return would pass me by like the summer had already done and relieve me of the burden of having to consider my options.

I could still be sitting here now avoiding a decision. Instead, I found the strength to make a choice, and in doing so, I’ve discovered my health problems haven’t gone anywhere. They’re still there, and they’re still creating challenges I can either meet or run away from. Action not only drives us but also reveals us. (more…)

October 29, 2010
Be Happier with Your Life: 6 Ways to Let Jealousy Guide You

“Jealousy is the art of counting someone else’s blessings instead of your own.” ~Unknown

My friend Kayla and I ran a student organization together at our graduate school. One day, we were sitting at the local café, talking about plans for the organization. Kayla had an idea for a major creative project she would drive and lead.

The idea was fabulous, and I didn’t like it. I didn’t like the idea of her doing this fabulous thing, though I couldn’t quite put my finger on why. Over our coffees, I shared this concern and that. It wasn’t in line with our goals for the year. It would send the wrong message to our members. It probably wouldn’t work.

As I shared each concern, Kayla responded, eloquently. And bless my friend Kayla, then she said, “Tara, I’m listening to everything you are saying. I’m really trying to understand it, but the words are not making sense to me. You don’t sound like yourself. It feels like you are jealous.”

Whoa. What? Can you hear the little screeching to a halt sound in the background? Things just got hazy with time-just-slowed-down-and-I-sure-didn’t-expect-that wooziness.

Because Kayla is the amazing woman she is, she said this without a hint of accusation. She didn’t sound hurt or angry, righteous, or victimized. She said it as if it were a neutral observation.

In the moments she said it, I began to realize she was right.

I thought, here I am, jealous of a friend. I’m being that kind of person I’ve been hurt by. I’ve been on the other side of the table—sharing a creative idea, an ambition, and feeling it squelched because the other person was threatened. How did I get here? (more…)

October 27, 2010
A Simple Guide to Being Yourself Instead of People Pleasing

To be beautiful means to be yourself. You don’t need to be accepted by others. You need to accept yourself. ~Thich Nhat Hanh

Many people I talk with feel that they have no joy in their life. They feel obligated to do so many things that they don’t have time for themselves and the things they really want to do.

As a result, they feel drained, anxious, and resentful. With so many outside forces competing for their time, energy, and financial resources, is it really any wonder they feel this way?

So what do we do? How can we remain balanced among this sea of obligations and commitments?

The answer is to live consciously. By looking at each decision we are making and by asking ourselves, “Is this really what I want to be doing? Is this really what is right for me?” And then by making sure our actions stay in alignment with our true intentions.

Saying yes when we mean no often causes us not to trust ourselves. It damages our confidence and lowers our self-esteem.

So why do we do it?

From a young age, we are conditioned to act in certain ways in order to feel loved and accepted. This is the beginning of our loss of personal power and authenticity.

In order to create change, we will need to recondition our beliefs by discovering what is really true for us. (more…)

October 26, 2010
Letting Go and Moving On: Lessons from an Orange Tree

“Don’t let today’s disappointments cast a shadow on tomorrow’s dreams.” ~Unknown

For the past few days, I have been thinking about my orange tree. Every year, we ignore it completely, and it generously gives us bounteous amounts of sweet oranges. It is so very forgiving of our utter lack of support.

Yet this year, the oranges are bitter; even the squirrels toss them away.

Right now, the tree has oranges on the branches and fresh new blooms all over it, as well. I guess we should pick the oranges to make room for the new, but it hasn’t been on the to-do list yet.

What keeps occurring to me is the faith of this twenty-year-old tree. It doesn’t seem to be in mourning for the bitter oranges. It is filled with optimism about the future—abundant with sweet smelling blossoms.

I believe it isn’t questioning what it did wrong or blaming us for not being better stewards. It is just living, moving forward, and being a tree, preparing for the sweet fruit to come.

What a lesson this is for me. How often I have given all of my focus to my “bitter oranges.” How easy it has been to hold tightly to the times I have felt misunderstood, unsupported, unseen. I’ve dissected every membrane of each orange, looking for reasons, for answers, for justification.

A business relationship that failed, broken apart by different expectations and a lack of honest communication. A family relationship frayed by differing values. A friend who discounts my viewpoint. I have so tightly held to my hurt, my indignation, my shame. I filled my basket with these bitter oranges and carried them with me everywhere I traveled. A heavy load, indeed.

I have not noticed that all around me are new blooms, ready to make new oranges. I could not see the possibilities of new relationships, based on what I had learned from the past.

I could not separate my love for my family from my feelings of being seen as wrong. I didn’t meet the new friends, ready to offer support and fun; I was too busy being wounded—holding my bitter oranges. I have not noticed that there are so many more new blooms than there is bitter fruit.

The bitter oranges are history, and who really cares? The sweet white soft buds of beginnings are the future and that is what I choose to care about. Their soft perfumed fragrance calls to me and lifts my spirit, reminding me of delicious things still to come.

I’m so glad I have such a sage living in my back yard, ready to teach. I just need to be quiet and listen. And maybe honor it by removing the bitter oranges!

Photo by Ronnie Mcdonald

October 25, 2010
10 Happiness Tips for Busy People: How to Reclaim Your Joy

“Life is what happens while you are making other plans.” ~John Lennon

I am someone who enjoys doing a lot of different things, and yet I don’t always enjoy being busy. Sometimes when my schedule gets full, I feel almost as if I’ve lost a part of me.

Just like some people become codependent in relationships, I can be codependent with work. When it has my attention, everything else can easily fall to the wayside—my social life, my hobbies, you name it.

It’s all too easy to get caught up in a riptide of doing without ever evaluating what you’re sacrificing, why, and if it’s actually in your best interest.

Sometimes it is worth it, though you might need to make minor adjustments to enjoy the journey more. Other times you need to make major changes to experience the happiness you might think you’re chasing.

Here’s what I’ve been doing to ensure my busy-ness doesn’t compromise my happiness:

1. Assess just how busy you’re willing to be.

Research indicates that a key indicator of happiness is the distance between the hours you’d like to work and the hours you actually do. If you don’t want to work more than forty hours per week because you have a hobby you’re passionate about, but you’re working over three hours more than that, you will inevitably feel dissatisfied.

In some cases, this may be beyond your control. If you just can’t afford your mortgage unless you push yourself, that’s one thing. But sometimes you do have a choice; you just think it’s too difficult to make it. Downsizing or moving into a new place may seem like an unnecessary hassle, but it’s worth the uncomfortable transition if it allows you to do with your time as you’d like. (more…)

October 24, 2010
How to Find Happiness through Purpose in 3 Natural Steps

“The person who lives life fully, glowing with life’s energy, is the person who lives a successful life.” ~Daisaku Ikeda

In everything we do, we seek happiness. Or at least what we think will bring happiness.

But this goal can often get us into trouble. It’s how you find yourself in a career that doesn’t represent you, consuming things lacking real value, and living a life that misses its impact on the world.

Most of the things we think create happiness don’t.

We get caught in a spiral and life suddenly becomes a race to be won instead of a game to be played and enjoyed. Our focus on ‘success,’ as society calls it, blurs our more important intangibles of life—our relationships and experiences.

The fear (and sad reality for many) is that we wake up thirty years from now, stressed, unhealthy, and unfulfilled, wondering what on earth happened to those wonderful dreams we once dared to dream.

I’ll tell you what happened: We fell into the trap of being what others felt we should be as opposed to who we were meant to be. Others’ dreams became ours, only to realize they never mattered to us in the first place. We adopted the world’s definition of success instead of understanding and pursing our own.

Well, there is good news. No matter when you wake up to this reality, it is never too late to take a stand and travel down that fresh path.

In all of my experience as a friend, writer, husband, personal freedom coach, and citizen of the world, I’ve learned that there is nothing more consistent with unhappiness than spending your time in a way that doesn’t serve who you are. And to the contrary, there is no more profound source of fulfillment and happiness than knowing you are traveling your own path and making the dent in the world you know you’re capable of.

The Simple Answer to Lasting Happiness: Living Your Purpose

While purpose is a nice concept that is often overused in the personal development space, it can be a lot to sink your teeth into. It’s one thing to believe in the idea but an entirely different one to vicerally experience and live it.

Until you find your own life path, you will forever be trying to follow someone else’s. The inauthenticity will eat you up. Without a path, your true potential will be lost. But to confidently begin the journey, you must better know the traveler—you. (more…)

October 20, 2010
Feel. Focus. Flow.

“This being human is a guest house. Every morning a new arrival” ~Rumi

Not more than half an hour ago, I was, in a very typical fashion, struggling and getting frustrated trying to gather my thoughts for this post. I could even feel the tension in my shoulders clawing its way up to my neck (over a blog?).

Even as I took a shower, I was scrubbing the shampoo into my hair so hard because I was in a rush and had so many other thoughts whizzing round in my head! I was well and truly unconscious, going through the motions.

I’ve noticed recently that I do that a lot. I exist, rather than live. I do, rather than experience.

Going through the motions is such a mammoth waste. As a human being, I have a vast amount of potential, ability, and creativity that I don’t even know about yet.

I can even do something “basic” like choose to take a feeling of stress, and transmute it into love, humility or peace in the blink of an eye if I so choose. I can perform alchemy at any given moment, yet so often I unconsciously choose to get caught up managing my own life. I am, and always have been at my core, an alchemist.

Thinking about it in that way puts a whole new perspective on my life. So often I spend so much time thinking about the past or the future. I worry, think, and try to focus first before forgetting about my most powerful, awe-inspiring organ: my heart. (more…)

October 13, 2010
Compassionate Boundaries: Saying No Without Guilt

“Some people think it’s holding that makes one strong–sometimes it’s letting go.” ~Unknown

Today I’ve been thinking about fences, I guess as a metaphor for boundaries in life. There are many different kinds of fences, but that they all have the same purpose: creating a boundary.

Whether it’s a sweet white picket fence with roses or the electrified chain fencing at a federal prison, what it signifies is a line drawn in the sand. This is either a starting place or a stopping point, depending on your point of view.

Creating boundaries has always been a challenge for me. Until now, maybe still, I have needed to use anger to build my fences, to re-enforce my boundaries.

I recently became so angry with a family member that the anger seemed totally disproportionate to the deed. But I felt invaded, used, taken advantage of. I accused, I shouted, I slammed out the door. Nothing like being really, really mad to build a very solid fence.

But the effect on my body was like hauling the heavy cement blocks into place and then pounding them into their position. It took a huge toll, not to even begin to mention the effect this had on my emotions and on my spirit.

After my “anger fence” was firmly in place, I was exhausted; muscles rigid with residual fury, unable to even appreciate the fence so firmly planted. Yes, I had created a very defined boundary, but at what great cost, both to myself and to my family? (more…)

October 11, 2010
4 Active Choices for Success & Happiness

“Action may not always bring happiness; but there is no happiness without action.” ~Benjamin Disraeli

These last few months I’ve been digging myself out of a hole, which ironically enough, I had put myself into. I spent so much time in the last two years constantly being negative, and I could tell by the people surrounding me that it had been enough.

People were starting to leave my life; they were tiring of same repetitive mantra. And come to think of it, I was tiring of it also. It was becoming more and more exhausting to try and get people to tell me what was wrong with me and what was going in on my head.

Why couldn’t I be happy? Why couldn’t I do the things that I wanted to do? Why wasn’t I successful?

And then it came to me. The reason I wasn’t happy, successful, or doing the things I wanted to do was that I wasn’t doing a single thing about it. I was complaining to others, constantly searching for their approval, for some sort of life line. I thought that I had to please everyone else in order to make myself happy, but I was wrong.

I kept asking for advice but I never accepted it. I shot every suggestion down until I finally realized: it takes more effort and energy to be negative then it does to be positive.

Here’s my advice for you:

1. Cut all negative ties.

Easier said than done, right? Wrong. Whatever causes you stress, whatever requires so much effort that it actually causes you strain, physically or mentally, cut it out! You don’t need it.

It could be the people in your life, the things you do, or to the food you eat. Anything that causes you stress isn’t worth your time. Trust me. Once I cut out all the negative people in my life, I had a clearer mindset, which made it much easier to reach my goals and be happy.

2. “Do or do not, there is no try.”

As cliché as it is to quote Star Wars, this is actually one of the truest things I’ve ever heard. You could word it however you want, but it’s proven fact.

I recently saw a film called An Education directed by Danish writer Lone Scherig. In the film, there was this quotation that really got to me: “Action is character. If we didn’t do anything, we wouldn’t be anybody.” It’s true.

I didn’t do anything for the longest time. I kept making list after list, excuse after excuse as to why I wasn’t doing the things I wanted, couldn’t do the things I wanted, and wasn’t the person I wanted to be. One day I looked in the mirror and saw the person I was becoming. I saw the direction I was headed and didn’t like it one bit.

That day I jumped out of bed, put my best face on, and went out into the world to achieve something that felt meaningful. I did that every single day until finally I had a job, great friends, and a healthy lifestyle, and was back in school.

Don’t try to do something, because trying means that you might not actually do it; but if you just get out and just start, you will get it done.

3. Don’t give up.

Many times I wanted to give up. It was exhausting to get out of bed every day and push myself harder than ever to be this person. Sometimes happiness takes a little effort.

There were days when I didn’t want to get out of bed, but I pushed myself even harder on those days. It’s always the last mile that’s the most exhausting; but if you push harder, when you reach the finish line it’s even more rewarding! Your efforts might not seem to be paying off but they will.

Giving in is giving up, and giving up is choosing not to be happy. Put in the time and effort. Give it your all. You can achieve anything you want to if you only believe and then act on that belief.

4. Love yourself.

If you don’t take time for yourself, all that pushing won’t get you anywhere. Once I realized how badly I was treating myself, I started to put extra effort into looking out for me. I would buy myself new clothes or treat myself to a new hairstyle; somedays, I would even just go for a walk, breathe in the fresh air, meditate, and try to learn something new.

The more time I gave myself to sit and breathe and relax, the better I felt; and the better I felt, the further I went. Take a small portion of each day to relax and enjoy yourself and it will pay off.

—

It really is pretty simple to be happy if you keep moving forward, figuring out what you need to do for you, and then making the effort to do it.

Photo by Nick Harris 1

October 3, 2010
Finding Joy in Frustrating, Routine Activities

“The greatest obstacle to connecting with our joy is resentment.” ~Pema Chodron

Today, I hopped in the company van for a trip I make once a week with one of two primary clients. In the mental health division of my company, driving is a requirement. Most of the clients don’t drive, and they need coordinated transportation to and from their appointments and leisure activities.

This particular woman goes to visit her husband weekly because she hopes to live with him when recovering from her mental health diagnosis. I’ve been taking her on this trip for several months now, and it’s a two-hour round trip ride.

I usually fill this trip with aggressive, speedy driving and impatience at every red light. I pass the time with work-related conversations, both to ensure I drive safely and to address work-related issues with this client.

This time, however, I chose a different route, and I’m not referring to the roads.

First, I thought of a recent conversation I had about hating driving. I enjoy all other aspects of my job, but work-related driving bothers me because the clientele controls everything about it. They choose the radio stations, the route to drive, and the time to leave; and they frequently make impromptu requests to other locations, sometimes in a dangerous way.

Next, although somber sounding, I started thinking about people who have passed away. (more…)

September 30, 2010
Coulda, Woulda, Shoulda

“The saddest summary of life contains three descriptions: could have, might have, and should have.” ~Unknown

This is a phrase that had become a central theme in my life. One night, during one of my all too frequent bouts of insomnia, I sat at my computer and decided to write about my discontent, my middle aged angst.

I have no idea where the words came from, but once I typed the first sentence it was like a river overflowing its banks. Turns out, this was the key, the cure for my crisis. Yes, I am forty-two and a walking cliché, a woman on the edge, a burned out physician whose career has become all consuming.

I have always been an artist at heart. Nothing moves me more than music, art, books, anything that is the product of the creative process. I actually had dreams of being a theatre performer. But for whatever reason I never believed I had enough talent.

No, my lot in life was passionate bystander. So of course I went to medical school. This was a perfect way to please my parents, to defend against financial insecurity, to prove to anyone in doubt that I was indeed intelligent and successful.

See, the thing is I took a path that seemed right at the time—and who wouldn’t want a career chosen by a seventeen-year-old kid?! I followed all the rules. I listened to my parents; I behaved myself and embarked on a life that was clearly meant for someone else. (more…)

September 27, 2010
LOVE Versus Fear

LOVE IS UNCONDITIONAL (fear is conditional)

LOVE IS STRONG (fear is weak)

LOVE RELEASES (fear obligates)

LOVE SURRENDERS (fear binds)

LOVE IS HONEST (fear is deceitful)

LOVE TRUSTS (fear suspects)

LOVE ALLOWS (fear dictates)

LOVE GIVES (fear resists)

LOVE FORGIVES (fear blames)

LOVE IS COMPASSIONATE (fear pities) (more…)

September 16, 2010