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Posts tagged with “happy”

Mind Over Melodrama: 5 Lessons on Self-Awareness and Healing

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“Be what you are. This is the first step toward becoming better than you are.” ~Julius Charles Hare

In a few months it will be the two and a half year anniversary of my mental breakdown.

I don’t really celebrate the date, partially because I don’t know it—it’s not the sort of thing that you remember to mark on your calendar—and partially because my entire life since then has been a celebration of what I began to learn that night.

I began to learn about myself.

It’s been a wild ride of healing, helplessness, forgetting, and remembering. Many times, I …

Developing Confidence Without Becoming Arrogant

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“What you think of yourself is much more important than what people think of you.” ~Seneca

I used to labor under the gross illusion that confidence was elusive, like a Sasquatch.

Or fleeting, like a shooting star.

It’s there for a moment, then poof! Gone.

Did I dream it? 

To deepen this illusion, I believed that only a select few were anointed with confidence by an unseen hand upon their birth (this same mysterious hand also granted natural athletic ability), leaving the rest of us to muddle through, solely reliant on glancing blows of confidence that would hopefully show up …

Overcoming the Worst Part of Finding Your Passion

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“You gain courage, strength and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face.” ~Eleanor Roosevelt

Finding my passion made me fat.

Not fat in an “I have to wear a Homer Simpson Mumu” kind of way, but in an “I eat cookies and chocolate all the time and I’m not sure what happened to my muscle. Oh, and these pants, they don’t really fit anymore” kind of way.

I always was a stress-eater. Not early in my life, but as soon as I arrived, confused and distracted, into the world of corporate …

Ending a Toxic Relationship: When It’s Time to Say “No More”

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“Worry less, smile more. Don’t regret, just learn and grow.” ~Unknown

The day finally came when my heart was strong enough to speak up.

I had spent many years trying to be the calm, sensible one. The one who would try to rationalize my sister’s behavior just to keep the peace.

For years the strategy was to keep everything in its place and accept what was said, done, or requested. The day finally came when the weight of accepting the burden was too much to bear.

No amount of talking would convince my sister that I was being reasonable. It …

When Someone Blames You: How to Cope with Misdirected Anger

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“Life becomes easier when you learn to accept an apology you never got.” ~Robert Brault

My ex-boyfriend is angry with me.

I met him soon after he had broken up with his then fiancĂ©e, and he thought he was ready to move on, but wasn’t. After many months of messing me about, we ended it. I cut off contact because it still hurt me and I still cared for him.

Eventually, I wrote to him to see if I could get some closure and to consider if we could salvage a friendship. His reply was scathing, vitriolic, angry. He blamed …

Love Shows Up When You Do

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“Slow down and everything you are chasing will come around and catch you.” ~John de Paola

After six months of being single after my divorce, I wanted to date again. I was still afraid of failure and rejection, but I wanted to try. I felt the best way to get over it was to dedicate my time to finding someone new.

I didn’t know where to begin, but I knew I had a clearer understanding of what I wanted in a relationship. I definitely knew what I didn’t want in a relationship. I thought if I could just find someone …

How to Deal with Criticism Well: 25 Reasons to Embrace It

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“Criticism is something you can easily avoid by saying nothing, doing nothing, and being nothing.” ~Aristotle

At the end of the day, when I feel completely exhausted, it often has nothing to do with all the things I’ve done.

It’s not a consequence of juggling multiple responsibilities and projects. It’s not my body’s way of punishing me for becoming a late-life jogger after a period of laziness. It’s not even about getting too little sleep.

When I’m exhausted, you can be sure I’ve bent over backward trying to win everyone’s approval. I’ve obsessed over what people think of me, I’ve …

We Can Be Happy Despite Pain from Our Past

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“Think of all the beauty that is still left in and around you and be happy.” ~Anne Frank

At first glance, the happiest person I’ve ever met appeared to be a simple man. There didn’t seem to be anything particularly sophisticated or spiritual about him.

Srulik was five-feet tall, with a big round belly and a wide smile permanently plastered on his face. He enjoyed the small things in life: a good joke, a familiar television show, a wholesome meal. He radiated such joy, and was so unassuming in his demeanor that one would assume he was blessed with an …

10 Ways to Let Go and Open Up to Love Again

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“A thousand half-loves must be forsaken to take one whole heart home.” ~Rumi

When I met my first love, my dull black and white life became as bright as a double rainbow. The intense hues of love flooded over me with extreme joy and happiness.

Soon after meeting, we married and lived together for ten years. Yet, like rainbows and raindrops, our love evaporated and I took our divorce especially hard, soaking in self-pity and sadness while grieving for the past several years.

After experiencing a painful breakup, you never, ever want to be in a relationship again. A broken …

Finding Kindred Spirits by Honoring Your Inner Misfit

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“The thing that is really hard, and really amazing, is giving up on being perfect and beginning the work of becoming yourself.” ~Anna Quindlen

It should theoretically be simple but being authentic is not easy. It takes gumption to assert with courageous conviction “This is me!” and grace to accept what comes after.

From my first discordant bear cry in a nursery full of normally crying babies, I was different, quirky. My own way of doing things—dresses over jeans, art over sports—made me an early outcast. Nothing I naturally did fit me within my particular society.

For a while, during …

How to Hear Your Intuition When You Don’t Know What to Do

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“Your mind will answer most questions if you learn to relax and wait for the answer.” ~William S. Burroughs

Sitting in my office, I stared at the email in front of me.

My heart sank.

All energy and joy left me, to be replaced with confusion, anxiety, and a deep sense of frustration.

As adrenalin rushed through my veins, one question engulfed my mind leaving little room for the answer.

What should I do? What should I do? What should I do?

I just didn’t know.

The email was from a client. Someone who I had worked with for a …

Soul Pancake: Dance Walk

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Do you ever feel like you’re going from one place to the next, checking this off your list, but not really enjoying the moment?

Soul Pancake made this cute little video, showing what happened when pedestrians saw a “DANCE” signal instead of a “WALK” signal, to remind us to lighten up a bit and have more fun in our daily life. Why walk when you can dance?

Are You Missing Out on Life While Checking Your Smartphone?

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“The present moment is filled with joy and happiness. If you are attentive, you will see it.” ~Thich Nhat Hanh

“Yeah
Uh huh
Uh huh
Yeah
No way! Uh huh.”

This was the response I got when talking to a friend the other day. I could tell he wasn’t really listening, because he was browsing Facebook at the time.

Why was his smartphone more important than me? It didn’t used to be this way.

I know I’m at risk of sounding out-of-touch and technophobic. But I really do think this is a much bigger problem than we perceive.

We’re talking about our lives here. …

Wanting More Time: Have You Lived Enough?

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“When you arise in the morning, think of what a precious privilege it is to be alive—to breathe, to think, to enjoy, to love.” ~Marcus Aurelius

I remember attending a lecture by the Tibetan monk Sogyam Rimpoche, author of The Tibetan Book of Living and Dying, in which, smiling all the while, he confessed, “So many people, they say, ‘I’m not afraid of death.’I tell you, they’re lying! Death? Very scary. Me? I’m very scared of death.”

And I thought to myself, “Phew, if he’s scared, then it’s certainly okay that I’m scared too.”

For many years after that, …

How to Turn Worries About the Future Into Action Right Now

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“Every day brings a choice: to practice stress or to practice peace.” ~Joan Borysenko

After years and years of living with anxiety, I can’t tell you exactly what I have been anxious about.

Is it a pervasive thought about how my life will end? Is it a constant worry about my financial security? Is it simply that I’m nervous to give a speech in front of people? Or a combination of all of them?

Even thinking about anxiety causes more anxiety. Ahhh!

Anxiety is also really hard to define. It’s so subjective.

I don’t think my anxiety will ever truly …

That Horrible Job You Hate Might Just Change Your Life

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“What you do today can improve all your tomorrows.” ~Ralph Marston

Before I started my business, I spent three years at an ad agency and a little over a year at an international furnishings retailer. I also waitressed, wrote freelance articles, designed and developed a church website, and worked in an incredibly boring mailroom.

Some of those jobs (let’s be honest, most of those jobs) totally sucked.

In the mailroom, my boss was a sexist jerk with a Napoleon Complex.

In waitressing, I spent too much of my time being other people’s emotional punching bag.

And at the ad agency—the …

Follow Your Heart: Stop Playing It Safe and Start Really Living

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“If you do nothing unexpected, nothing unexpected happens.” ~Fay Weldon

After an extremely harrowing time dealing with big life changes while working a very stressful job, I snapped.

No, I didn’t reach for the nearest stapler and start attacking my colleagues (though this was a secret fantasy when the going got really tough). The words of that song by The Animals came to mind and I decided, “I got to get out of this place.” At least for a little while.

And so, after much planning, globe spinning, and Google searching, I finally cobbled together an itinerary and nervously asked …

Emotions Are a Strength, Not a Design Flaw

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“Eyes that do not cry, do not see.” ~Swedish Proverb

Just get over it. Don’t be so sensitive. You should toughen up and grow a thicker skin


I’ve heard this advice so much over my life, but I’ve never seen it make anyone happy.

Advised to toughen up with thicker skins so we can protect ourselves, we end up just bottling it up inside and pushing away how we feel, hoping it looks like we’re strong.

It’s like trying to avoid our own shadow. We believe it’s gone because it’s behind us, but it’s totally visible to anyone else who …

How Sensitivity Can Be a Gift (And How to Give it to the World)

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“We cannot be more sensitive to pleasure without being more sensitive to pain.” ~Alan Watts

Are you good at noticing subtle details? Are you able to learn without really being aware that you are learning? Do you notice other people’s moods? Do these moods affect you?

Are you sensitive to pain? Are you equally sensitive to beauty?

If you answered yes to these questions, chances are that you, like me, are a Highly Sensitive Person (HSP). Chances are, you are constantly trying to make sense of how being sensitive fits into a world where a certain amount of insensitivity is …

7 Simple (and Surprising) Tips to Help You Realize Your Dreams

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“Don’t be pushed by your problems; be led by your dreams.” ~Unknown

It’s tricky sometimes, isn’t it?

Trying to find our place on this planet.

Tapping into our inner desires.

Sometimes we know what we want but not how to get there. Sometimes we know “this isn’t me,” but we have no clue who “me” is. And sometimes we think we’re already there, then something out of the ordinary happens and we realize, this isn’t me at all.

At each stage there are pitfalls than can keep us looking in the wrong direction, stuck in fear, or stressed about …