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Posts tagged with “happy”

Giving in Relationships Without Losing Yourself or Sacrificing Your Needs

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“Relationships are about two individuals who maintain their own lives and create another one together.” ~Unknown

When I am in relationship, I put all of myself into it and can sometimes neglect my own needs as a result.

I’ve recognized that I’m doing this in my current relationship, and I’ve realized that while it is wonderful to be truly committed, it is important not to lose oneself. This is where healthy boundaries come into play.

A healing practitioner recently reminded me that relationships are excellent opportunities for personal growth.

As someone who was single for almost a decade and has …

When You Love an Addict: Stop Enabling and Help Yourself

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“Some people believe holding on and hanging in there are signs of great strength. However, there are times when it takes much more strength to know when to let go and then do it.” ~Ann Landers

I fell in love for better or worse. First came the better and then the worst.

My prince charming, over time, became a raging alcoholic. I watched an amazing man become, well less amazing.

There are endless books and information you can read about addiction, but I am going to break the rule, skip to the end of those books, and tell you the …

10 Truths About Real Love (It’s Not Always Like the Movies)

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“No relationship is all sunshine, but two people can share one umbrella and survive the storm together.” ~Unknown

In a world duped by wild expectations and soaked Ryan Gosslings, my recent engagement to my partner Rob got me thinking: No one writes a letter every day for a year and talks about it in the rain.

So, to anyone out there ready for love, these are the lessons I have to share.

1. You may find love where you least expect it.

We met in a bathroom. At a gay bar. I’m not saying people don’t find love when …

5 Crippling Lies About Forgiveness (and the Truths That Set You Free)

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“Forgiveness has nothing to do with absolving a criminal of his crime. It has everything to do with relieving oneself of the burden of being a victim.” ~C.R. Strahan

It’s not fair, is it?

Getting hurt. All over again.

It wasn’t so bad forgiving them the first time. You rose to the occasion. You became the bigger person. You tried to move on.

You thought you had to. After all, they did ask nicely.

You just knew you’d be BFFs again and go right back to, “Let’s go for Jamba Juice!”

But it didn’t go down like that, did it?…

It’s Okay to Not Be Okay

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“Love yourself—accept yourself—forgive yourself—and be good to yourself, because without you the rest of us are without a source of many wonderful things.” ~Leo F. Buscaglia

In 2009 I traveled to Perth, Western Australia, to further my education. Little did I know how much my life would change.

I befriended lots of people and met a tall, gorgeous man from South Asia. He was not the type of guy I normally dated, but I fell for him anyway.

It was our happy fun time in 2010. Then, in early 2011, I sensed a change.

It’s funny when you’re in a …

The Gift Of Unsoothable Pain: Darkness Can Lead to Light

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“Blessed are the cracked for they shall let in the light.” ~Groucho Marx

In 2008, after ten years of marriage, my former husband and I decided to divorce.

It came as a shock to those who knew us. We were living what most would consider the American dream: two healthy children, beautiful home, great friends, strong careers, two incomes—the works.

Though my ex-husband and I got along well, the marriage was missing an intimate, heartfelt connection.

Loneliness and longing grew with each passing year until I could no longer ignore them. I knew the kind of intimacy for which I …

5 Questions That Will Help You Focus On What Matters

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“Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?” ~Mary Oliver

Let’s get things done.

If you’ve ever read any books or articles about productivity, you’ve heard this phrase. It’s one I used and made a part of my life for a long time. More recently, I’ve discovered there’s a better and more disciplined way to work and to live.

It’s called essentialism, and it means getting more of the right things done.

According to Greg McKeown, author of Essentialism: The Disciplined Pursuit of Less, an essentialist removes the trivial and focuses …

There’s No WiFi in the Forest, but You’ll Get a Stronger Connection

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“The quieter you become the more you can hear.” ~Ram Dass

We live our lives at such a fast pace. We seem to be working more hours and juggling more tasks both at work and home, with no relenting.

As part of the technological age, we are connected 24/7, and we find it difficult to switch off.

It has changed the face of how we live and work. Expectations are higher, the pace of life is quickening, and we’re struggling to keep up.

In a world that encourages noise and busy-ness, we find it hard to be quiet and still.…

You Can Still Trust Even If You’ve Been Deceived

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“You may be deceived if you trust too much, but you will live in torment if you don’t trust enough.” ~Frank Crane

“Ah, it is difficult to trust people nowadays!” Heard that one lately?

The implication is that trust is something you receive and that everyone else controls it and can give it. Do you believe that?

Just before Christmas I was hired by a contractor to do a renovation job. The work was in a pharmacy, and we agreed on an hourly rate.

It was not difficult to trust him; after all, it was clearly a working business …

Why People Who Feel Complete on Their Own Have Stronger Relationships

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“Self-love, self-respect, self-worth: There’s a reason they all start with ‘self.’ You can’t find them in anyone else.” ~Unknown

One day, somewhere around the age of twenty-seven, with a rich background of long-term relationships, dating, alone time, and searching for the man who would complete me, it hit me.

Why was I looking for someone to complete me when I believed that every person could be whole by him or herself? Why did I feel like something was missing, and why was I building my hopes on someone I had never even met?

I realized I had been looking for …

How To Let Go Of Self-Doubt and Find Long-Lasting Happiness

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“It’s never too late, or in my case too early, to be whoever you want to be. There’s no time limit.  Start whenever you want. You can change or stay the same.”  ~F. Scott Fitzgerald

Have you ever let your doubts get in the way of feeling happy?

I have.

I left my soul-sucking corporate job to live my dream, teaching yoga in Thailand.

I was the happiest woman on earth—or was I?

It looked that way from the outside. But each time I opened my mouth to teach a class, …

When Your Dream Dies and You’re Not Sure What to Do Next

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“You are never too old to set another goal or to dream a new dream.” ~C. S. Lewis

My wake-up call came at a friend’s wedding about seven years ago. Somebody asked me what I did for a living, and I answered truthfully: I’m a singer in a rock band. She thought it was cool, but I went into a rant about why it wasn’t.

“Creative work is definitely more perspiration than inspiration. The constant travelling and playing late night gigs is exhausting. The ‘business’ side of ‘music business’ is a joke,” I fumed.

On and on I went. As …

How to Handle Life: Get Out of Your Critical Head

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“Just trust yourself, then you will know how to live.” ~Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

There was a time when I lived almost completely inside myself. I couldn’t handle much of the outside world.

Yes, I am an introvert, but back then, I had such low self-esteem that the only place I felt safe was inside my own head. I had a low tolerance for problems and mistakes. I was life intolerant.

Yet, my inner world wasn’t exactly a peaceful sanctuary; it was a cold, discomforting, and harsh place to be. Mainly because I was fat. Or so I thought. I …

Change Your Patterns and Stop Sabotaging Relationships

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“Jealousy is nothing more than a fear of abandonment.” ~Unknown

My biggest relationship fear used to be getting dumped for another woman.

If it actually happened, it was going to be the ultimate proof of my worthlessness.

It wasn’t easy to live with that fear. When it came to conjuring up scenarios of loss and pain, I was like a rag doll in the hands of my imagination.

Even if my partner did not leave me or intend to cheat on me, the fear of being abandoned turned me into a person the man I was with no longer recognized.…

Stop Living on Autopilot: 5 Ways to Live an Amazing Life

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“I am not a product of my circumstances. I am a product of my decisions.” ~ Stephen Covey

I used to be a zombie.

I don’t mean that I died and was brought back to life; I mean I used to live on autopilot. Diligently doing the right thing.

Following one opportunity to the next, onward and upward.

Until I found myself boxed into a cubicle, earning a six-figure income while my soul slowly died.

I didn’t even realize it. I just thought this was what people did.

Everyone around me was the same. They weren’t happy, but like …

Get Mindful in May and Pause for a Great Cause

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When your mind is scattered, your head full of worries, and your heart full of fears and doubts, the world is a stressful, sometimes terrifying place.

When you take time to clear your mental space, suddenly everything feels easier. Without the heavy burden of anxiety and rumination, you’re free to simply be—and to see.

It’s like cleaning a dirty window; all of a sudden, the light comes in, light you didn’t even realize was there.

What provides this cleaning, clarifying magic? Meditation, and even just ten minutes a day.

My whole life transformed when I learned that I could free …

How Fear Melts Away When We Stop Resisting the Present

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“Whatever the present moment contains, embrace it as if you had chosen it yourself.” ~Eckhart Tolle

The second hand on the clock ticked to 12 like a base runner returning home. It was 9:00AM on Monday morning.

Anxiety set in as I stared at the stack of papers on my desk. Budgets needed to be balanced, new clients needed to be obtained, and advertising campaigns needed to be launched for high-profile brands.

Everybody needed something. It was my first day as an Advertising Executive and I already knew I was in trouble.

In a few hours I was scheduled to …

Gaining Freedom from Our Obsession with Possessions

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“How pointless life could be, what a foolish business of inventing things to love, just so you could dread losing them.” ~Barbara Kingsolver

Approximately one month after graduating from a privileged institution on the East Coast, I was standing knee deep in rainforest on the Big Island of Hawaii cutting weeds with a small kama.

Here I was, with a brand new Master’s degree in Education Policy, genuinely confused as to whether I was cutting the right plant because my entire life before that had been about sitting on the computer doing mind work.

Despite my lack of experience, the …

Saying Yes When We Mean No: How to Break the Habit

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“Half of the troubles of this life can be traced to saying yes too quickly and not saying no soon enough.” ~Josh Billings

Have you ever encountered a situation where you found yourself agreeing to do something that you had no interest in actually doing?

When we find ourselves saying yes when we mean no, we are essentially saying no to ourselves and giving our personal power away. The classic archetype of the People Pleaser.

So why do we do it?

I believe it is learned behavior. I have yet to see a toddler hold themselves back from the brink …

When People Judge: Why It’s Not Really About You

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“Doubt yourself and you doubt everything you see. Judge yourself and you see judges everywhere. But if you listen to the sound of your own voice, you can rise above doubt and judgment. And you can see forever.” ~Nancy Lopez

You and I, we judge others. And they judge us. We all do it. Sometimes we judge with positive or non-harming intentions.

Unfortunately, our judgment often comes from a negative place, with darker intent.

Why Do We Judge?

Though we judge for many reasons, we often do it when:

  • We don’t know a person well (yet)
  • We cannot identify with
…