Tag: Happiness

6 Tips to Deal When You Feel Out of Control: When Your World Gets All Shook Up

“Why worry about things you can’t control when you can keep yourself busy controlling the things that depend on you?” ~Unknown

I celebrated an anniversary recently. It was the night I experienced my first, and hopefully last, earthquake.

My husband and I had retired for the evening as usual—said our goodnights and went to sleep. I was jarred awake at 2:30 AM by him trying to pull me from our bed. At the same moment I heard the most deafening roar. Could a freight train be barrelling through our loft?

Our attempts to escape the upper level were hampered by the violent shaking. As we stepped forward we were propelled side-to-side. We were being tossed like rag-dolls as we scrambled down the stairs, only to be greeted by the sound of glass objects smashing from below.

Skirting around the shards of broken stemware, we fumbled with the house keys and made our escape to the front porch. The same instant that we arrived outside, the 7.3 earthquake stopped as abruptly as it had started.

We were fortunate that our home did not collapse on top of us, that in our community there was no loss of life, and the tsunami that we were warned about never materialized.

Although we were lucky and it only lasted sixty seconds, I put earthquakes at the top of my list of things I never want to experience again.

So why celebrate the anniversary of such an event? (more…)

July 18, 2010
Stop Second-Guessing Yourself: 5 Tips to Feel at Ease with Decisions

“Good decisions come from experience, and experience comes from bad decisions.” ~Unknown

A reader recently wrote to me:

“I struggle with making decisions and always second-guess myself… I recently had to make a decision about something and after giving it a lot of thought, I decided. Now, months later, my decision is eating me up and I can’t stop thinking I made the wrong decision. So I guess my point is once you decide, how do you stop yourself from second guessing?”

I know I’ve been there, having made a decision I not only second-guessed but wish I hadn’t made and couldn’t take back.

I think there are two parts to each of us: who we are day to day, and who we are in our broader intentions. Second-guessing comes when the smaller part—the one that is at the effect of everything—is afraid of the greater part that’s forging a new way.

When we make any decision, for better or for worse, we effect change. And sometimes it’s scary to be responsible for the change we effect. That’s why I love the saying. “Make a decision. And then make the decision right.” (more…)

July 15, 2010
How to Let Go of a Past Relationship: 10 Steps to Move On Peacefully

“The amount of happiness that you have depends on the amount of freedom you have in your heart.” ~Thich Nhat Hanh

Nine years ago my heart was in a million little pieces that formed the basis for a million regrets.

I had my first serious relationship in college, when all my insecurities came to a head. My ex-boyfriend had to juggle multiple roles, from therapist to cheerleader to babysitter.

The whole relationship revolved around holding me up. I realized this soon after it ended—that I’d spent three years expecting someone else to love me when I didn’t love myself. The guilt and shame kept me single for almost a decade.

I dated, but it was always casual. I’d start getting close to someone and then find a way to sabotage it.

Long after I let go of the man, feelings about the relationship held me back. I was afraid of being vulnerable. I was afraid of being hurt. But mostly I was afraid of hurting someone else again and having to live with that.

If you’ve been holding onto an old relationship, now is the perfect time to let go. Here’s how you can start moving on. (more…)

July 13, 2010
6 Timeless Principles to Deal with Resistance and Excel in Life

“People who say it cannot be done should not interrupt those who are doing it.” ~Chinese Proverb

I wasn’t the best student in college. I skipped classes, didn’t do my assignments, and barely studied for my tests. Needless to say, I flunked those exams.

I realized after a few months that I didn’t want to continue on like this. If I wanted to make the most out of my life, I had to first be responsible for my studies.

So I buckled down and set out to achieve the best results. It wasn’t easy, and I’m not talking about the studying part. There was resistance all around me.

First, my schoolmates weren’t the most positive people in the world.

My college was one of the poorer performing schools then. Many students weren’t happy studying there as it wasn’t their first choice. They often degraded themselves, saying “we’re doomed for failure.”

If that wasn’t enough, my teachers were discouraging; too because many were disgruntled about working there. They kept comparing us with the students from schools they taught in before—the better schools—saying we’d never get anywhere.

I decided to ignore the negativity and spend my energy working on my goals. (more…)

July 11, 2010
How to Find Peace of Mind in Under 500 Words

“All the flowers of all the tomorrows are in the seeds of today.” ~Proverb

Practice and patience are like inseparable twins that have the capacity to bring us great joy when in harmony, and great angst when they are not.

Consider the phrase: “Practice and all is coming….”

I didn’t realize the depth of this statement when I first read it in my Ashtanga yoga manual several years ago.

Sri K Pattabhi Jois was the Yogi who said it repeatedly to all his students. And it is perfectly reasonable for one to assume he was referring to the daily practice of yoga.

But one morning during my writing practice (my daily moving meditation), I realized the true essence of his statement.

For as long as I can remember I have strived to know peace—that is, peace while living in the ‘real’ world and freedom from my cluttered mind. (more…)

July 8, 2010
8 Ways to Be More Confident: Live the Life of Your Dreams

“With realization of one’s own potential & self confidence in one’s ability, one can build a better world.” ~Dalai Lama

For the vast majority of my life I didn’t believe I could do most of the things I wanted to do.

I knew I wanted to be in a relationship, but I feared that if I got into one I’d do something to mess it up.

I wanted to perform on Broadway, but even moving to New York City didn’t give me the courage to audition.

I wanted to be a writer, but I thought it was far too difficult to get published and therefore didn’t even try until my late twenties.

Maybe you’ve never been as unsure of yourself as I used to be, but you can likely relate to that feeling of wanting to do something but feeling terrified to start. This not only limits your potential in life; it also minimizes your ability to make a positive impact on the world around you.

There’s a lot that goes into overcoming those fears. You may need to challenge limiting beliefs formed years ago, or take yourself out of a situation where other people undermine your abilities. One thing that will definitely help is working on your confidence.

Not sure if confidence can be learned? I asked this question on the Tiny Buddha Facebook page to see what readers had to say and then used some of their responses to shape the steps outlined below: (more…)

July 6, 2010
10 Tips to Overcome Negative Thoughts: Positive Thinking Made Easy

“See the positive side, the potential, and make an effort.” ~Dalai Lama

Even though I’m a yoga teacher, I still find it’s easy to fall prey to negative thinking. Having negative thoughts play out like a movie can only bring you pain, something that I’ve experienced many times throughout my life.

Negative thoughts drain you of energy and keep you from being in the present moment. The more you give in to your negative thoughts, the stronger they become. I like the imagery of a small ball rolling along the ground, and as it rolls, it becomes bigger and faster.

That’s what one small negative thought can turn into: a huge, speeding ball of ugliness. On the contrary, a small positive thought can have the same effect blossoming into a beautiful outcome.

I’d like to share with you an example of how one small thought can turn into a very negative experience.

I have lived on my own for the last ten years. Obviously, during this time I’ve grown accustomed to living in a particular way; I have my routines with cooking, cleaning, and living happily in my place.

My boyfriend of two years, who I have had a long distance relationship with, will soon be moving here and we will be living together. Lately I’ve had negative thoughts of moving in with him knowing that my living routine will have to change and we will have to create a new routine together.

Unfortunately, I’ve already jumped into the future and have had thoughts that we will not be able to come up with a living arrangement that will make us both happy. In my mind I have seen myself already getting angry about our cooking and cleaning situation.

He came for a surprise visit this past weekend, and boy, was it a surprise for him. We had a miserable weekend together.

I did not enjoy his company because I was already angry with him, and he was confused and equally frustrated with me. What could have been a really fabulous weekend ended up being a painful and heavy weekend. (more…)

July 4, 2010
5 Simple Ways to Show Compassion to Animals and the Planet

“Compassion and happiness are not a sign of weakness but a sign of strength.” ~Dalai Lama

Showing compassion is one of the best ways to make the world a better place.

It isn’t always easy to have compassion for people, if they’ve hurt you, don’t see things the way you do, or seem to cause many of their own problems. It’s also easy to forget about certain people—people who live on the street, people who don’t have the voice to speak out, and sometimes even ourselves.

I freely admit that my compassion levels plummet in some of those cases, and I end up feeling tremendous guilt when I realize what a beast I’ve been. It’s something I work at.

I think most of us could also put a little more thought into showing compassion for animals and the world around us. They are just as worthy, and the act just as important and rewarding.

Compassion is like a muscle; the more you work it, the stronger it becomes. Here are a few ways simple ways to work that muscle and make the world a better place: (more…)

July 1, 2010
A Simple Guide to Achieving Personal Greatness & Living with Purpose

“He is able who thinks he is able.” ~Buddha

The world has given us many outstanding people.

Although we possess our own unique talents, we look to leaders and mentors as models of action and success. They represent unlocked potential, perseverance, and shining lights for us to follow.

Since all paths are unique, we can’t follow exactly where others have been, but we can learn from their examples of confidence and dedication. It’s the difference between saying, “I want to be like Oprah Winfrey” or saying, “I want to be outstanding in my own right, like Oprah Winfrey.”

There are some, like Oprah, who can step out and shine despite hardship and extraordinary challenges. But most people who struggle with self-doubt, fear, or harsh circumstances remain stagnant.

It’s not enough to have the dream. It has to be accompanied with a strong belief in your own potential and a spirit driven to meet it. (more…)

June 29, 2010
How to Correct Your Mind to Get Out of a Funk

“If you correct your mind, the rest of your life will fall into place.” -Lao Tzu

You’re stuck.

We’ve all been there. Even the things that normally make you happy begin to bring you down. Worst of all, you can’t seem to understand why.

So you give it time, let it take its course, and just when you think you’ve escaped the funk, something drags you back in. You know it’s happening but you can’t stop from slipping back under.

What’s happening here is simple. Something—be it your job, peers, or general lifestyle—is contaminating your mind. You’ve lost track of the calmness you know you possess and it’s like your mind’s been tricked.

You’re stuck in a painful and decisive delusion that causes everything to be toxic.

It’s time to wake up. Seriously, the snooze button is off-limits.

You only come to find yourself in these types of negative situations because you’ve let your mind take control. It may seem like other people and circumstances are to blame, but everyone is responsible for their own mental state.

Life will never stop throwing you curve balls. The only solution is to change how you internalize and deal with them.

Since completely escaping your mind may seem a bit radical, at the very least, you must correct your thinking. (more…)

June 25, 2010
Desire What You Have and Feel More Satisfied in Life

“Happiness is not having what you want, but wanting what you have.” ~Hyman Schachtel

I have a chime with the words “Desire what you have” painted on the front of it. It hangs from the window to the left of my desk in the treehouse where I write. I bought it a few years ago as an epiphany purchase.

It was one of those times when I was sucked into the vortex of a boutique in Minneapolis, the wallet in my pocket a burning inferno. I saw this beautiful painted chime dangling from the ceiling and I was so struck by the message, I put out the fire out and put my money on the counter.

I am so glad I did.

I love the simple wisdom of the phrase: Desire what you have.

If we desire what we have then no matter what our possessions, we are rich.

I love coming across it again and again because it reminds me to be aware of my thoughts and to be aware of what I have and what I am now. I need to be reminded.

When I sat down to begin writing I was looking for inspiration in The Art of Happiness: A Handbook for Living. I came across this quote by the Dalai Lama:

“…our moment-to-moment happiness is largely determined by our outlook. In fact, whether we are feeling happy or unhappy at any given moment often has very little to do with our absolute conditions but, rather it is a function of how we perceive our situation, how satisfied we are with what we have.” (more…)

June 22, 2010
9 Ways to Get Better Sleep and Prevent Exhaustion

“A good rest is half the work.” ~Proverb

I don’t always do everything I know I should do.

I know I can only do so much, yet I often feel compelled to say yes to every exciting project that comes my way, even if it means working more than is ideal.

I know I shouldn’t over-stimulate my mind at night, yet I frequently postpone shut-eye for just a little more writing time.

I know I shouldn’t worry about things I can’t control, but sometimes as I lay in bed I go over and over the same thoughts and concerns in my head.

And then there’s the whole eight-hours-of-sleep-a-night thing. I know it’s ideal for my well-being and that it probably won’t happen if I’m overworked, overstimulated, or caught up in over-thinking.

But sometimes I set myself up for exhaustion because sleep rarely seems like a priority. Not when there’s stuff to do, stuff to learn, or stuff to think about.

I know I’m not alone in my battle with the bed.

According to a 2009 National Sleep Foundation survey, the number of people reporting sleep problems has increased by 13% since 2001. Two out of every ten Americans sleep less than six hours per night.

Most of them are less effective at work, less alert when driving, and more susceptible to sickness as a result. (more…)

June 16, 2010
On Finding Your Purpose & Running Down a Dream

“Excellence can be obtained if you care more than others think is wise, risk more than others think is safe, dream more than others think is practical, expect more than others think is possible.” ~Unknown

A revelation came to me the other day during lunch with my co-worker.

As I wolfed down my germ-infused salad-bar lunch, I thought about my father for no particular reason other than I probably miss him since moving out of my parents’ house two weeks ago.

I’ve never been one to admit things, show emotion, or get all mushy, but in my own way I’m very proud of my dad. Although it’s hard for me to let him know, he really is my hero.

As co-worker X took a pause from chewing, he asked, “What do you think your purpose is?”

I took a moment to let that commentary sink in.

Then I replied, “You know who I really envy and admire? My father. He does the hardest manual labor, sweats under the sun, cuts his hands up on stone, turns them purple with acidic grape juice, battles with poison ivy roots, snow plows during the most ungodly hours so rich people can have clear driveways, has more splinters than anyone I know, and he’s never, ever complained. In fact, he’s the true definition of service with a smile.”

Okay, maybe I didn’t phrase it that eloquently, but let’s pretend I did. (more…)

June 15, 2010
Tiny Wisdom: On Starting Anew

“No matter how hard the past, you can always begin again.” ~Buddha

One of the greatest misconceptions in life is that we are somehow powerless to let go of what’s behind us. That we have to carry regret, shame, or disappointment, and that is has to dictate how today will unfold, at least on some level.

It doesn’t. At any moment, you can let go of who you’ve been and decide to be someone new—to do something differently. It won’t always be easy, but it is always a choice you can make.

You can either dwell and stay stuck, or let go and feel free. Give yourself space to fill with good feelings about the beautiful day in front of you—and the beautiful tomorrow you’re now creating.

Photo here

June 14, 2010
How to Connect with Your Body to Feel Balanced: 10 Grounding Techniques

“Get yourself grounded and you can navigate even the stormiest roads in peace.” ~Steve Goodier

Sometimes my head is in the clouds on a massive scale.

This isn’t always a bad thing for me. When I am blissfully ignorant of reality, it can feel beautiful and exhilarating—shiny, I call it. It can be a welcome respite from the days when life feels dark and painfully uncertain.

But this can also be dangerous. When you’re not connected to your body and surrounding environment, you don’t have a strong sense of direction or purpose; you’re just floating. Also, the smallest thing can distract you and it’s difficult to get anything done.

For example, I’m supposed to be editing another article right now, but instead, I’m playing with this one.

Even if you don’t have the same struggles I do, you might be able to relate. When you’re dealing with difficult circumstances and emotions, you may feel unbalanced and even start to shut down a little. It’s all too easy to disconnect from the world when it starts to feel overwhelming.

Let’s face it: the clouds are beautiful, but sometimes it’s helpful to have your feet on the ground.

With this in mind, I’ve come up with a series of grounding techniques that help me reconnect with my body when I’m feeling a little lost: (more…)

June 13, 2010
Create Your Own Happiness: Make Feeling Good Your New Religion

“If you’re happy, if you’re feeling good, then nothing else matters.” ~Robin Wright

I have this morning ritual: I sit in my living room and write down all the things I love about my life. It’s not really that elaborate. My list is usually quite simple.

This morning I wrote about how much I love my new accountant, how grateful I was that the sun came out today, how good it felt to be sore from the yoga class the day before, and how much I enjoy watching my dog play with her toy.

I do this because I know that what you focus on grows, so why not focus on growing the parts of life that I love?

I once had a teacher who would always tell me, when faced with a decision, “choose life.” I took this to mean: make the decision in the direction of expansion, creativity, joy—life.

In my morning ritual, after writing everything I love about my life, after I’ve gotten into a juicy state of appreciation, I then direct the energy forward by writing what I want in my life.

It might be limited traffic if I’m going to be on the road that day, or gaining clarity on something I need an answer to. Or it might be inspiration for a project I’m working on or money flowing to pay my taxes.

Or it might be something more universal—I want the Haitians to have shelter and a roof covering their heads before the monsoon.

We are so conditioned to be at the effect of our lives that we often forget the power we wield to be the cause. Sometimes the simple act of stating what we want begins the process of creating that end. This is why making a decision is so powerful. (more…)

June 9, 2010
Book Review & Giveaway: You Cannot Be Serious (Tips for Balance)
Update: The winners for this giveaway have already been chosen:
- Laurie from Cuddle Hugs
- Cyndi from So Much More Than a Mom
I have the utmost respect for mothers.

Their daily lives require an aptitude for all the qualities that make us good people: love, kindness, patience, generosity, and, perhaps most importantly, a sense of balance. If anyone knows chaos, it’s a mom.

With this in mind, I was thrilled to read Elizabeth Lyons’ book You Cannot Be Serious and 32 Other Rules That Sustain a (Mostly) Balanced Mom.

Make no mistake: I don’t have any children. Or friends with children. Or even access to children—there appear to be none in a fifteen-mile radius.

What I do have is a need for balance in a world that is never predictable and rarely calm.

Elizabeth’s book provides just the right anecdote, and it was so easy to relate to her reading it.

She’s not the high-waisted jeans kind of mom who fills her days with baking and gardening (through she does both). She’s the mom who runs her own business, writes her own rules, and still manages to run a household without any hired help. (more…)
June 8, 2010
3 Steps To Practice Acceptance & Have a Peaceful Life

“Every day may not be good, but there’s something good in every day.” ~Unknown

I was in a motorbike accident in 1987. The physician in the emergency room delivered the bad news and told me the right knee cap had cracked. That day changed my life forever.

How could I accept that I wouldn’t ever be able to run again?

The physical injury took years to heal, and a lot of time passed before I slowly started to accept my new situation. In the meantime, I got depressed.

Life Can Be Beautiful

That might seem like an ironic heading coming after the preceding line, but hear me out. Life is beautiful every time you’re able to accept something that has gone wrong. When you can feel good on the whole even though things aren’t going your way, you know emotional freedom. What more could you ask for?

The opposite would be the guy who shouts in despair, “Not again, for God’s sake!” when his sports car breaks down in the middle of nowhere or needs thousands of dollars of work on that car. Neither is a fun situation to be in. But what about people that don’t even have food to eat?

It’s all about perspective, isn’t it? Are you looking at life through Ray Bans or from a refugee camp? We must learn to see and appreciate what we have and shift our attention from what we’ve lost. (more…)

June 6, 2010
On Starting Over Simply: When It’s Time to Take on Something New

“When I let go of what I am, I become what I might be.” ~Lao Tzu

Ever since my birthday in December, I’ve been changing things up. I think it’s good once in a while to take inventory and make new decisions.

You don’t always have to analyze why you decided to do something or where you went wrong or where it all started. Sometimes, you can just stand where you are, decide you want something different, and then do something about it.

I realized in doing this, even though change can be scary, it can sometimes feel downright refreshing!

The thing we sometimes don’t realize is how in charge of our lives we really are. We think change has to come from the outside—that we have to be the recipients of change. Something needs to happen to us before do something about it.

You have to lose weight because your blood pressure is too high. You have to look for a new job because you got laid off. You have to move because your job requires it.

But what if you initiated the change in your life because it was simply time?

Time to get in shape. Time to earn a living that makes you happy. Time to follow that passion you’ve kept buried for so long. Time to eat healthier. Time to wake up earlier. Time to get out there socially. Time to overcome a fear that has been inhibiting us from living fully.

What if it was simply time to start making some new decisions?

This weekend I decided it was time to upgrade my wardrobe. I invited a friend who appeared to know how to dress beautifully and cost effectively, to help me shop.

Not really following the trends, myself, and consistently picking the same boring wear, year after year, I promised her that I would let her pick out the clothing and that I would keep an open mind. I sat in the dressing room while she brought me jeans, blouses, jackets, dresses, and skirts in all styles I would never (ever) choose for myself.

“I would never wear that in a million years,” I would say about the fluffy blouse on the hanger.

“Humor me,” she’d say, “and try it on.”

“I could never wear this out,” I would tell her looking in the mirror at the skirt.

“Really?” she’d look at me. “Why not?”

And what it came down to was this: I was uncomfortable. Uncomfortable in a new look. Uncomfortable in feminine clothing. Uncomfortable to be caught dead in anything different than I was used to.

But after enough of “humoring” her chosen styles, I actually came to appreciate the new look. After discovering new ways of layering, mixing and matching, and getting comfortable with simply being uncomfortable, I became oddly satisfied.

I was finally braving a new wardrobe!

And then came the real test: When we returned to my place she looked at my closet and said, “Okay, now we need to make room for this clothing. Mind if I get rid of some of this old stuff?”

I watched as she threw out my longtime favorite turtleneck (“too boxy,” she said), my well-worn clogs (“these have seen their day”), my new sweater (“this does nothing for your figure”), my crocheted sweater (“it’s grandma clothing”), while the pile kept building on the floor.

To ease my discomfort she said, “These are just my suggestions. You can keep what you want.” But I knew she was right. It was time. And so, before having the day to change my mind, I bagged up the old clothing and got it ready to donate.

There’s something refreshing about taking on a new look or a new challenge or a new habit. There is a feeling of empowerment that comes from making a new decision.

Because the thing is, you are not just taking on the new activity. You are taking on your life. You are deciding to be the one in charge.

I say in 30 Ways to Live Out Loud, “We are not victims of circumstances. We are victors of circumstances.” And isn’t this a better place to be?

This same weekend of changing out my wardrobe, I got an email from my sister in LA. She tells me there is a thirteen-mile marathon happening in Healdsburg that I should look into. I don’t run. I haven’t run in years. But I checked it out.

It’s the most beautiful time of year on the most scenic route in the wine country. How could I not participate?

So I signed up. And I signed her up. Because now I have a good excuse to get into shape and hang out with my sister.

Starting over doesn’t have to be difficult. It can be immediate and adventurous and exciting. It can be intoxicating and exhilarating and fun.

And it can be all of these things starting with just one decision. Just one.

Have fun with it. Let it work for you. Decide what isn’t working. Make a new decision. Begin again.

Or said another way: Discover. Create. Play. And then discover once more.

Photo by jenny downing

May 28, 2010
6 Steps to Work Through the Pain of Change
“Change is the only constant.” ~Heraclitus

Life can be a constant barrage of new and exciting experiences. Still, even the most savvy and confident of us can get thrown off balance during the unexpected changes life throws our way.

My husband’s job means that we move—a lot. I dislike moving, but every time there is an opportunity to move through the pain and find a new sense of peace.

There is nothing I could do, short of leaving my husband, to change that we move often. But I love him, and almost all other elements of our lives are positives, so I work through the changes.

Not everyone is aware when a change has upset the balance in their lives. Often, super-confident people have no idea until they notice other signs of trouble. You may notice it as changes in your body or emotions.

Signals Include:
- Feeling irritable and edgy with people you love
- Sleeping more or less than usual
- Changing your eating habits
- Drinking more alcohol
- Feeling physical “aches” (headaches, backaches, stomachaches)
It’s difficult to relax and enjoy the incredible adventure of living when you’re feeling physically or emotionally off-kilter. However, if you’re willing to embrace change and be present to it, what you find on the other side may justify the discomfort.

Sometimes happiness, peace, and a renewed sense of passion are just one messy transition away. (more…)
May 25, 2010