Tiny Buddha

Tag: Happiness

  • 5 Ways to Find Your Balance

    5 Ways to Find Your Balance

    “Happiness is not a matter of intensity but of balance, order, rhythm and harmony.” ~Thomas Merton

    The yoga class I attended yesterday included a number of balance posts, from simple tree pose to a “floating” ardha chandrasana. I am not certain why, but I was struggling to find a steady balance on one side.

    I arrived late feeling flustered, and my mind was spinning and worrying as we worked our way into the flow. I had to struggle to make my gaze steady, and I was starting to beat myself up for the wobbling on my left leg.

    Then I had a realization: This is really the whole point of balancing poses, if not yoga itself. The point is simply to be with yourself, no matter where you are at that moment. Or, as Thich Nhat Hanh said, “Smile, breathe, and go slowly.”

    Later, I thought a lot about balance and how we are always trying to find it in our lives. I talk with patients about it almost every day, and no one seems to feel they have it under control. (more…)

  • Tiny Wisdom: On Risks

    Tiny Wisdom: On Risks

    “It’s not because things are difficult that we dare not venture. It’s because we dare not venture that they are difficult.” ~Seneca

    Taking the path of least resistance actually requires a lot of resistance. It’s human nature to want to soar! To venture out, explore the world, expand ourselves and our minds and live with passion, enthusiasm, and abandon.

    You might be doing that already, whatever that means to you. Or you may be containing yourself into a safe, predictable box, assuming everything outside it is far beyond your reach.

    It’s not—it’s not nearly as far away as you think.

    We’d be kidding ourselves if we pretended the world is without obstacles; but we’d be cheating ourselves if we didn’t acknowledge a lot of them are in our heads.

    Today, dare beyond your self-imposed limitations. It’s a lot easier to venture out of your comfort zone when you decide to stop fighting yourself.

    Photo by Wonderlane

  • On Fearing Change: When It’s Time to Take a Leap of Faith

    On Fearing Change: When It’s Time to Take a Leap of Faith

    Barcelona

    “Don’t fear failure so much that you refuse to try new things. The saddest summary of life contains three descriptions: could have, might have, and should have.” ~Unknown

    There are two basic human emotions that are the driving force behind each thought, each daily inspiration, and that rare but pivotal new-chapter, life-changing decision. Those things are fear and love.

    The funny thing, however, is that they are intertwining forces. In order to feel passionately about something, fear and love must coexist.

    One year ago I made what some people would consider an irrational decision. I had a great job, a flexible boss, and rainbow-colored work walls, to boot.

    I had a circle of close-knit, happy-hour-loving girlfriends who brought overflowing amounts of joy and adventure to my life. Together we’d paint Los Angeles red, fly to Chicago on a “girls’ trip” whim, and celebrate each other’s birthdays in Las Vegas.

    Within our friendly beach-side neighborhood were my favorite Thai restaurant, faithful yoga studio, and the best omelet breakfast spot within a five miles radius of each other. My adoring family was a short one-hour Southwest flight away, so I could always access TLC from mom and dad.

    I was comfortable, I was happy, but most of all I was where everyone wants to be—safe. (more…)

  • Tiny Wisdom: On Appreciation

    Tiny Wisdom: On Appreciation

    “Appreciation is an excellent thing. It makes what is excellent in others belong to us, as well.” -Voltaire

    There’s work to do. And things to accomplish. And places to get to. And people to please.

    There’s futures to create. And pasts to forget. And an endless string of days full of hours to be filled. We often spend then running, fantasizing, or waiting, hoping it eventually turns into something good enough. Something worth valuing, something worth appreciating, something worth enjoying.

    If we’re not deliberate, we can easily live life hopping from distraction to distraction, biding our time for something better. The truth is, there is nothing better. This is life, in all it’s beauty and possibility—in the present moment. Life never happens in any other time.

    Today, choose to marvel, bask, and celebrate the beautiful things and people around you. There will always be something in your life you’d rather avoid or escape. The place you’re trying to get to, though, lives and breathes right here, right now.

    photo by jaitra.gillespie

  • Tiny Wisdom: On Understanding

    Tiny Wisdom: On Understanding

    “Forgiveness does not change the past, but it does enlarge the future.” ~Paul Boese

    Sometimes resentment and anger may seem involuntary, like reactions you have to indulge for a length of time proportionate to how badly you were wronged. It might even feel like your anger is a justified retaliation, and you’d be weak if you let it go.

    The irony is that after we’ve been hurt, we choose to continue hurting ourselves. Bitterness never feels good, no matter where it’s rooted.

    Psychologists suggest that when other people make mistakes, we tend to assign them character flaws (i.e.: he’s selfish, or she doesn’t care who she hurts) whereas when we make mistakes, we more frequently cite external causes (i.e.: I’ve been overworked, or I haven’t been getting enough sleep.)

    It’s almost as though we’re willing to let ourselves off the hook because we have to live with ourselves, but when it comes to other people we’re quick to condemn and slow to forget.

    You might not be able to forget what happened yesterday, but you can choose not to let it suffocate today. We all have character flaws and we’re all affected by external causes. Today if you have a hard time forgiving, ask yourself this question: do you want to feel bitter or better?

    photo by gautsch.

  • Punished By Anger

    Punished By Anger

    “You will not be punished for your anger; you will be punished by your anger.” ~Buddha

    I went camping recently, something that I was really looking forward to, but I didn’t last long. Due to health conditions, my friend and I had to abandon camp at three in the morning because the cold got to me in a big way.

    This awful experience has left me feeling dejected and rather ashamed of myself. Who the hell can’t manage a couple of nights camping? I’m being too hard on myself, but the point is I’m feeling angry.

    You know what that whole anger thing is like:

    Your kid goes over the other side of town with friends when you’ve asked them not to because you don’t want them to get hurt. Your sister borrows your favorite top and spills wine down it, then hides it back in your wardrobe. Your best friend nails that promotion after saying she wouldn’t apply because she knew you were desperate for it.

    There are countless situations in our lives that can give rise to anger. It’s up to us to recognize them and do something about it before it gets out of hand.

    I admit it: I am an angry person. How angry you ask? (more…)

  • Tiny Wisdom: On Choices

    Tiny Wisdom: On Choices

    “We must never forget that it is through our actions, words, and thoughts that we have a choice.” -Sogyal Rinpoche

    Nothing is as discouraging as feeling you don’t have a choice—that you’re trapped in a situation you can’t change, with a person who won’t change, or with feelings about yourself that you’ve stopped believing you can change.

    We’ve all been there before.

    We’ve accepted thankless jobs just to make ends meet. We’ve hurt or watched friends hurting, feeling powerless to end the pain. We’ve waited for love, or mourned unrequited love, or wondered if it was really better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all.

    We’ve all felt helpless before, and we’ll all be there at some point again—yet we have far more power than we think.

    We can’t always control our circumstances, but we can shape them with our actions. We can’t always save the people around us, but we can support them with our love and attention. We can’t always create a world that feels safe, but we can choose how to experience it with our thoughts.

    Every day we have limitless choices, thousands of mini-opportunities to live a peaceful, empowered life.

    What choices will you make today?

    photo by jaitra.gillespie

  • Why It’s Hard to Trust Our Instincts and How to Start

    Why It’s Hard to Trust Our Instincts and How to Start

    Rock Climbing

    “Trust yourself. You know more than you think you do.” ~Benjamin Spock

    I was talking to a friend of mine a couple weeks ago. I was telling her how I always know when it’s time for me to move. She asked me, “How do you know? What makes you aware that you ‘know’ this?”

    It was a reasonable question: What is the actual sign that indicates that you “know” to do anything?

    “You just know,” I told her.

    “But how?” she asked, curiously.

    I didn’t really have a good answer for her at the time, but it stuck with me.

    After thinking about it for awhile, I realized it’s not in the “knowing” that we get stuck. We always know. It’s in how well we trust what we know, and whether we’re willing to trust it enough to act upon it.

    So, how do you know that you “know” something?

    Well, let me ask you this: How did you know that you were going to marry the person you married, or take the job you were offered, or go see the new doctor you read about?

    What made you decide that this was the right decision for you? What made you “know” that the house you bought was the right one for you or the apartment you chose to rent was the perfect spot for you?

    It’s intangible, isn’t it? It’s a feeling. You know, and then you “know” that you know. (more…)

  • 7 Ways to Deal with Uncertainty So You Can Be Happier and Less Anxious

    7 Ways to Deal with Uncertainty So You Can Be Happier and Less Anxious

    “Uncertainty is the only certainty there is, and knowing how to live with insecurity is the only security.” ~John Allen Paulos

    In three weeks, my boyfriend and I might move from the Bay area to LA, or we might move in here with roommates if he decides not pursue a film career.

    I am starting a new work-from-home writing gig to pay my bills while I write my book. It might be something I can do in under two days a week, or it may require more time. It may provide enough money, or I might need to get some other work to supplement.

    If we move, I might enjoy LA; I might not. I might balance everything well; I might feel overwhelmed. I might make new friends easily in my new area; it might take me a while to find like-minded people.

    My world is a towering stack of mights right now. Though I’m dealing with a lot more change than usual, the reality is that most days start and end with uncertainty.

    Even when you think you’ve curled into a cozy cocoon of predictability, anything could change in a heartbeat. (more…)

  • 4 Life-Changing Lessons I’ve Learned from Running Tiny Buddha

    4 Life-Changing Lessons I’ve Learned from Running Tiny Buddha

    “Let yourself be silently drawn by the strange pull of what you really love.” ~Rumi

    I have been working on Tiny Buddha for over two years, and yet I’ve rarely written about my experiences running it.

    I haven’t told you anything about my own challenges, opportunities, and lessons in maintaining the site, and it occurred to me today that that might be valuable information.

    You probably have a Tiny Buddha in your own life—something you created that you’re absolutely in love with. Or maybe you haven’t found it yet, but you want to build something that drives you like nothing else.

    Tiny Buddha has been that for me, and I’d like to share with you a few of the most valuable lessons I’ve learned along the way: (more…)

  • Writing Your Story: 5 Ways to Discover Your World

    Writing Your Story: 5 Ways to Discover Your World

    Red Umbrella

    “The future is completely open, and we are writing it moment to moment.” ~Pema Chodron

    This past year has been one of tremendous self-discovery. One day, I suddenly realized after nine years of a very straight finance-paved path that I no longer wanted to be a corporate banker.

    Instead, I wanted to wake up each morning with a bigger purpose—an idea of who I was and what I stood for outside of this corporate lifestyle.

    Since that day, I seemed to be in tiresome pursuit in finding my story. I even seriously debated moving out of the country to build character and expand my journey.

    While my own story is one that remains on the preface page, I have realized in several months of contemplation that we can’t discover our personal novel by rushing the process or through constant over analyzing.

    It is, instead, a combination of our daily experiences and the wisdom we receive from them that shapes our meaning. (more…)

  • 4 Tips to Get in Touch with Your Feelings Instead of Burying Them

    4 Tips to Get in Touch with Your Feelings Instead of Burying Them

    The Scream

    “Hope is the feeling that the feeling you have isn’t permanent.” ~Jean Kerr

    I’ve just given up smoking. Again. It’s a bad habit that I can’t seem to shake because I’m likely to relapse when I’m stressed.

    I try to rationalize my destructive behavior—I don’t smoke heavily, I don’t smoke that much since I stick to rolling tobacco which makes thinner cigarettes, it’s fifteen minutes to myself where nobody will question why I’m taking time to do and think about nothing.

    No matter how much I justify my bad habit, I can’t deny that I’m dependent on a bad thing to cancel out a bunch of other bad things.

    Most of us use destructive methods to avoid difficult things on occasion. We may choose to remain silent in the face of confrontation instead of speaking out and defending ourselves, or we might hide behind our anger instead of admitting that we’re frustrated and scared.

    Here’s what I’ve been doing to deal with my feelings instead of avoiding them: (more…)

  • Tiny Wisdom: On What Matters

    Tiny Wisdom: On What Matters

    “What matters is the value we’ve created in our lives, the people we’ve made happy and how much we’ve grown as people.” ~Daisaku Ikeda

    We spend so much of our lives looking for meaning—a sense that it all makes sense or will in the end—that we sometimes drive ourselves crazy trying to make the moment good enough. To do the right work, have the right relationships, make the right decisions, make the right impact so hopefully our lives will matter. We’ll matter.

    All that struggling, striving, and racing toward something better can make the moment feel like something to escape instead of something to celebrate.

    This moment is all we’re guaranteed. Don’t fill it worrying about being better or doing more in the world. Even if you spend today creating a tomorrow you visualize, go through it knowing you create a lot of value and happiness, just as you are. You might be amazed by how much you can accomplish when you’re satisfied with the present, exactly as it is.

    Photo by xiffy

  • How to Experience True Freedom to Live a Life with Fewer Limits

    How to Experience True Freedom to Live a Life with Fewer Limits

    “I know but one freedom and that is the freedom of the mind.” ~Antoine de Saint-Exupery

    I don’t know about anyone else, but sometimes I can be a prisoner to my own thoughts and forget that I have the freedom to choose. Choose a different thought. Choose a different experience. Choose a different interpretation.

    I remember having a coach that used to listen to me rant. I would be sure I was the victim of something that was happening to me, and I would tell her all about it expecting sympathy.

    She would listen patiently and then say, “Yeah? And what’s another way you could look at it?” I would pause to come up with some different interpretation. And then she would say, “Good. And what’s another way you could look at it?”

    I would really have to stretch, because I was sure that the first way I told her was the only way it happened.

    Her point, of course, was that there are a number of ways you can interpret things. And we have to watch our stores—the stories we tell ourselves. (more…)

  • Make Now Count: How to Live a Fun Life Full of Possibilities

    Make Now Count: How to Live a Fun Life Full of Possibilities

    “Pain is inevitable.  Suffering is optional.” ~Unknown

    My daughter Nava suffered a medical crisis and was hospitalized for one year. She was in a drug-induced, paralyzed coma on a ventilator for three months, teetering on the seesaw of life and death, much closer to the death side.

    Miraculously surviving, she moved on to a rehab hospital for the next nine months where she had to relearn each and every body and motor function. Two miracles occurred: one, she survived; and two, she had a complete recovery, with her life back as before.

    Because I have my daughter back, whole and intact, I feel like I’ve been given a second lease on life.

    I live my life with zest, fervor, and a sense of urgency. There’s nothing like bearing witness to the fragility of life to make one live better.

    Despite the pain, hardship, adversity, and challenges that life dishes out, we have to find and create the good. (more…)

  • Mindfulness in Everyday Tasks: How to Get the Most from Your Chores

    Mindfulness in Everyday Tasks: How to Get the Most from Your Chores

    “Smile, breathe and go slowly.” ~Thich Nhat Hanh

    Last night I did something I rarely do. Drum roll please…

    …last night I cooked.

    Okay, to be fair, I more prepped than cooked. But my willingness to participate in this domestic ritual, with my boyfriend at the helm, was certainly not the norm. Neurotic as I may be with organizing and cleaning, cooking has never been my thing.

    For starters, I’m cheap with food. I’d rather spend money on books and pedicures than saffron and truffles. I realize I could channel my inner Rachael Ray and learn to make budget-friendly meals, but an even easier approach is to make full use of my Subway rewards card.

    It’s not just my aversion to spending on consumables that attracts me to cheap take-out and cereal. It’s also a matter of priorities.

    I look at the day as blocks of time—much like Hugh Grant in About a Boy. Left to my own devices, I fill those blocks with tried-and-tested activities, like writing, reading, watching movies, and practicing yoga. Suffice it to say, cooking isn’t on my list.

    I know I enjoy my world better when I make little changes to my routine—when I take alternative routes to familiar places or make spontaneous plans with old friends, for example. But sometimes I need reminders to do things differently.

    Tonight’s reminder brought me to the cutting board, and I must admit I enjoyed it far more than I would have imagined. (more…)

  • Tiny Wisdom: On Love

    Tiny Wisdom: On Love

    “Love is loving things that sometimes you don’t like.” ~Ajahn Brahm

    The most challenging part of relationships is learning to accept people for who they are—knowing all their quirks, insecurities, and weaknesses and choosing to simply let them be.

    Psychologists suggest that once we form an idea, we develop an emotional attachment that makes it extremely difficult to abandon it. We feel convinced that our way is the right way and feel an imperative to sway other people accordingly, particularly people who are close to us.

    The irony is that this tends to push people further away. It’s hard to feel loved when you feel judged.

    Today, resist the urge to “fix” people around you (unless, of course, someone is legitimately unsafe).

    If there’s one thing we all want, it’s to feel fully accepted, inadequacies and all. We want permission to stop judging ourselves and just be. Put that kind of love out there and you may be surprised to notice it coming back to you.

    Photo here

  • On Perfect Timing: When Things Aren’t Happening Fast Enough

    On Perfect Timing: When Things Aren’t Happening Fast Enough

    “After winter comes the summer. After night comes the dawn. And after every storm, there comes clear, open skies.” ~Samuel Rutherford

    I was talking to someone this week about his feeling that things weren’t happening fast enough. That with all he was doing, intending, and putting out there more should be happening, and faster.

    My question to him was, “Really? Should things really be happening faster? Or are you exactly where you’re supposed to be?”

    We have a tendency to think we have it all figured out. When it should happen, how it should happen, who it should happen with—and before it’s “too late.”

    We are powerful creators in life, but the truth is, we’re not in this alone. There are other forces at play, and for the most part, to our benefit.

    Have you ever had something occur in your life that you had wished for years earlier, only to realize that now was the perfect timing? That in fact, you wouldn’t have been ready for it any earlier? That in retrospect, everything was leading up to the perfect moment of this unfolding? (more…)

  • On Dealing with Fear: Stop Judging Yourself and Be

    On Dealing with Fear: Stop Judging Yourself and Be

    Spider

    “Fear is a natural reaction to moving closer to the truth.” ~Pema Chodron

    I’m arachnophobic. Last night, a large spider took up residence on the wall in my room. The shock of seeing its dark mass seated comfortably against the stark white of the paint made the blood drain from my head.

    I have ways of dealing with my fears. Sometimes I ignore them and plunge in head-first without thinking; sometimes I avoid them altogether and run for the hills. When it comes to spiders though, I humanize the situation.

    I gave Richie, as I named my new roommate, the same courtesy I give to all animals.

    After a bit of careful planning, I took a deep breath and eased Richie into his temporary residence, ready for relocation to the floating garden. He was evidently more terrified than I was, although he had no reason to be. Even though he felt mortally threatened, I treated him with the same kindness and respect that I show my pets.

    I realized then I needed to do the same for myself. I needed to give myself a little kindness and accept that my fears aren’t necessarily based in reality. (more…)

  • How to Have More Fun in Life: Keep Your Thoughts from Pulling You Down

    How to Have More Fun in Life: Keep Your Thoughts from Pulling You Down

    “If it’s not fun, you’re not doing it right.” ~Bob Basso

    A couple weeks back, my boyfriend and I went to our local county fair. I love—love—fairs.

    Forget for a minute that adult-me now gets vertigo just looking at a roller coaster; and that my thirty-year-old digestive track nearly explodes when I catch a whiff of carnie food. When you factor in my increasing interest in crafts and farm animals, it somewhat evens out.

    If you’re the fly-by-the-seat-of-your-pants, thrill-seeker type, that might sound as exciting as watching paint dry. But I really do love petting furry little creatures and thinking about things I can make.

    Standing in the petting zoo, surrounded by llamas, sheep, goats, and even a wallaby, I felt like a kid on Christmas morning. I hopped around to spend equal time with everyone; didn’t want the donkey to feel slighted. I played, I frolicked, I may even have skipped a little.

    Truthfully, I would have been equally psyched just to sit back and be a farm voyeur. Just watching the animals scamper and seeing kids’ faces light up as they fed them, I felt happy and peaceful. I didn’t even mind when the goat bit my pant leg. He could have gnawed a hole into my favorite Seven jeans and I still would have found it charming.

    Sunny little giggles, that rustic barn smell, the feeling of disconnection from chaotic urban life—everything about that moment appealed to me. I was having fun. (more…)