Tag: Happiness

Love Your Body, Love Yourself: You Are Not Alone

“Judge nothing, you will be happy. Forgive everything, you will be happier. Love everything, you will be happiest.” ~Sri Chinmoy

I hated myself when I was a kid.

I was overweight and starting to really like girls, but they didn’t like me.

I didn’t want to take my shirt off in front of them, so I didn’t go to the pool. And, when my parents made one last ditch effort at their marriage and moved to Coral Springs, Florida when I was in fifth grade—away from my friends and my hometown of Davenport, Iowa—I didn’t go to the beach.

Any religious feeling I might have accidentally absorbed as a boy attending Prince of Peace Lutheran Church every Sunday, I channeled directly into prayers for the Roulette-like decision to be picked to play “shirts” not “skins” during basketball in gym class.

I felt overwhelming self-consciousness during those agonizing moments waiting for the gym teacher to go down the line, pointing his almighty finger at each player.

I sent my entreating pleas up to whatever deity would listen, asking to be saved from the humiliation of running and jumping without a shirt to hide my love-handles from the girls on the other side of the gym.

It’s like that scene in On The Waterfront where Marlon Brando stands on the docks with all the other men waiting to be chosen for a day’s work.

The men stand, anxious, cold with visible breath, waiting for the decision, hoping they look strong enough to work even though they haven’t eaten for days. If the foreman picks him, his family has dinner tonight.

If the gym teacher picks me to play basketball with my shirt on, well, then…

I can play basketball with my shirt on.

I look at kids now and wonder if they feel as sad, lonely, and serious about life as I did when I was that age. It seems impossible, but I’m sure some of them do, and I have great compassion for them trying to find comfort in their own skin.

It’s the kind of feeling I gravitate toward when I watch films and plays, and read books, and in my own work as I continue to develop my voice.

It’s a feeling, ineffable, a longing, an ache. (more…)

January 23, 2013
6 Ways to Live a Life of Passion and Adventure Right Now

“Life is inherently risky. There is only one big risk you should avoid at all costs, and that is the risk of doing nothing.” ~Denis Waitley

I remember dreaming for years about living abroad. First it was Italy so that I could discover my roots. Then it was Fiji because it seemed like the furthest place from Los Angeles (which I actually did, but only for two months during the summer of 2003).

After Fiji, there was an eight-year gap that was full of college and Corporate America. My daily routine involved waking up early, working all day, and studying all night. As I’m writing this I can picture myself a year and a half ago, sitting in my office and gazing out of the 20^th floor wondering what it would be like to live in another country.

Then one day I chose to stop dreaming. Instead, I chose to start planning.

I was fed up with my inability to take action and go for what I wanted. I gave myself eight months to save enough money, plan where I would go, and tie up any loose ends.

My goal was to live abroad for a year.

I worked two jobs, sometimes three, so I could save enough money for the school loans and credit card bills I would still have to pay while I was gone. I had no social life, but I knew that I was working toward a life-changing experience.

I wanted to get over the fluency hump in Spanish, so I looked into countries in Latin America. I also wanted to give back, so I looked into volunteer opportunities.

In September of 2011 I quit my job and moved to Costa Rica.

I volunteered for two months teaching English at a local school in a poor neighborhood. It was rewarding beyond belief. Then I spent a month getting TEFL certified so I could continue my travels and make money teaching English along the way.

Suddenly, panic struck. In December I thought the money was going to run out and I would have to go home.

As fate would have it, two weeks before I was due to leave, a friend told me about a job opening at a local company she had just started working at. She knew my background was in marketing and social media, and they just happened to have a Social Media Manager opening. I interviewed and got the job!

Then, as fate would have it (again), the Director of Communications quit the day I started. After the initial shock, I decided that my journey didn’t end there and applied for her position.

That same week I became the new Director of Communications for a multi-million dollar company in Costa Rica. What?! (more…)

January 22, 2013
We Are More Than What We Do: Allowing Our Authentic Nature to Shine

“The light at the end of the tunnel is not an illusion. The tunnel is.” ~Unknown

In this society of ours, parents teach their children to do, to perform, to produce. We learn that to be adult, we need to be “productive members of society.” At social gatherings, more often than not, the first question among strangers is “What do you do?”

My first memories include identifying so deeply with my movie director father that when asked what I wanted to be when I grew up, I always replied, “A writer and director.”

Then life happened, and I spent decades acting out the painful and abusive relationship I had with my mother. Although I wrote almost daily, my life settled into a hand-to-mouth survival existence that had nothing to do with writing.

A string of abusive relationships with men took the place of my unresolved relationship with my mother as I continued to act out the trauma of my youth in a repetitive cycle, all the while trying to keep a roof over my children’s heads and food on the table.

All thoughts of any kind of career fell away and were replaced by anxiety, depression, and the urgent need to pay this month’s bills.

When my mother died, much to my surprise she left me everything she had in the world, and I was able to buy a home and live for several years without worrying about money.

During that time, I quit my job and started to write in earnest. My goal was to publish a memoir about growing up in a motion picture family in Hollywood and share the lessons my childhood taught me about love.

These are the vastly over-simplified facts of my life. Less obvious was my growing self-identification as “writer” and a subtle yet mounting despair as time passed and I struggled to find a publisher or an agent to represent me.

Recently, in a rare moment of absolute clarity, I realized that I had come to identify so deeply with the book and the rich and enviable career of my wonderful father that I saw both as extensions of myself. (more…)

January 21, 2013
Relationships Should Complement Our Identities, Not Define Them

“On a deeper level you are already complete. When you realize that, there is a playful, joyous energy behind what you do.” ~Eckhart Tolle

The first rain after a long draught gets people talking about cozy things. Being with others, being physically close to others, going out in groups, staying in with someone. Sharing affection. Cold weather seems to always entail groups and partnerships.

What about when those groups and partnerships are missing from the tableau? The other night I was sitting in my apartment with my lanterns on, some incense burning, and some good reading material. The rain was trickling outside my window. The moment was perfect.

For once in my life, I didn’t have my normal thought: “This moment is so beautiful, but it would be better if someone was here to share it with me.” I was completely at peace, enjoying the presence of my own heart and mind.

This might not seem like a huge “Eureka!” moment, but it was for me.

I grew up an only child, so I’ve always craved that group interaction and the comfort of crowds. I made friends easily and was sometimes accused of serial monogamy; I was rarely single for longer than six months. I always felt surrounded—and by being surrounded, I felt protected.

Three months ago, however, I quit a job that made me unhappy and a relationship that was going nowhere, which had filled most of my time. I was face to face with myself in a frightening and jolting pause. I no longer had the noise of others to fill my silences.

Friends advised me to go out, work out, or find someone else. I did all three, sometimes in excess.

It alleviated my pain for a brief time. But I still felt hopeless, directionless. I took the long way in realizing something important: I needed to fall back in love with myself, which meant getting to know myself again, apart from the influences of everything else in my life.

I had spent so much time being something for others, filling my life with adaptation, that I had forgotten what it was like to be me. (more…)

January 21, 2013
People Aren’t Always Out to Get Us: The Good Beyond Appearances

“If you judge people, you have no time to love them.” ~Mother Theresa

Last year, I was on the CTA (Chicago’s public transit) heading to class to take an exam. Rather, I should say that I was rushing to class. I wasn’t running late, but I often got caught up in the hustle and bustle of Chicago during morning rush hour.

Something about the “rush hour” energy made me feel a bit anxious; and, although I, along with others, am at the mercy of the CTA with its frequent delays, rarely do riders strike up conversations with fellow passengers.

After making my usual transfer to another train line, I was able to find a free seat (which is hard to come by during rush hour), and I sat down.

I acknowledged the woman I was sitting near just enough to immediately write her off as being someone I wanted to ignore. She looked at me and smiled, and I gave a half smile back but turned slightly away to make it clear that I didn’t want to engage in chit-chat.

I am a warm person, hardly ever without a smile, and usually very open, but I was having a day where I just felt nonchalant toward other people, and the last thing I wanted was to feel “trapped” in a conversation with a “lowly” woman on the train who might pester me for money.

I pulled out my textbook, clutch in hand, to begin “reviewing” for my exam.

She began engaging me in small talk, and, after a few minutes, my disposition changed. My short answers became longer, and I became genuinely interested in what she had to say.

A year or so later, I have forgotten the specifics of everything she said to me, but I remember getting off the train feeling light-hearted after she told me a bit about her life. We had a short but beautiful conversation.

I got off at my stop, walked the couple of blocks to class, and entered the classroom when I realized I left my clutch on the train.

No time is a good time to lose your wallet, but I was leaving for the Middle East soon and would have to replace everything before my trip.

Well-played. (more…)

January 20, 2013
3 Reasons to Stop Trying So Hard to Be Positive and Peaceful

“Freedom is instantaneous the moment we accept things as they are.” ~Karen Maezen Miller

The world is filled with people who work hard at being positive, peaceful, and more spiritual and then feel bad when they don’t measure up. I know because I used to be one of them. And I still am from time to time.

That was before I realized something:

1 It doesn’t work.

2. Spirituality isn’t something you do; it’s something you are, and you are this right now. Just as beneath the chatter of your mind you are already positive and peaceful too.

3. You are already as spiritual as you’ll ever be.

There, article done: My views on trying to be more spiritual.

Well, okay, there’s more to it than this. Let’s back up—starting with a confession or two.

Confession 1: It’s after midday, I’m still in bed, and all I’ve eaten today is cheese.

(That was more like a warm-up confession; I mean, who doesn’t stay in bed with half a block of cheese from time to time? And in all fairness to myself, it was a small block.)

Confession 2: I try hard, at everything—or at least most things.

(My husband made me add the last bit because he said I don’t always try hard when we play backgammon.)

But seriously, or at least half seriously, if there were a lecture on How to Relax More and Not Try So Hard, I’d be in the front row, my hand in the air, with half a dozen questions. I might even take notes and record the lecture so I could listen at home.

For me, “trying hard” has been a badge.

We believe that if we’re successful, whatever success looks like in our sphere of influence, we’ll he happy and loved.

We’re all ‘’try hards”—we all do it; it’s a universal condition. Your trying will look different to my trying, but it’s all the same. (more…)

January 20, 2013
Writing a Letter to Your Future Self: Love Who You’ll Become

“Tension is who you think you should be. Relaxation is who you are.” ~Chinese Proverb

Yes, I had reached the age of twenty-five. Still, I doubted this letter from my past would make it to me, all these years later. It was a simple creative writing assignment from when I was fifteen.

The teacher collected our letters to our future ourselves in self-addressed envelopes with stamps and promised to mail them ten years later. But, so much time had passed; would he keep his word? Would he even remember?

Thinking back on the letter, I tried to remember writing it. I vaguely recalled giving my future self some advice.

In my recollection, my fifteen-year-old self wanted to make sure I would continue to write and figure skate, and she probably assumed I’d be married and have a baby by now.

When you’re fifteen years old, twenty-five seems like a grown-up age, but I wasn’t feeling as grown up as I believed my younger self expected me to be.

Then, on a family vacation in San Diego, my parents brought me the mail from home. And in scrawled ink, there was a letter addressed to myself. I knew it was the one! I laughed delightedly and could not believe what was in my hands. I opened it eagerly and was astounded by the results.

The letter began in true, snarky fifteen-year-old fashion: “How much do you bet that this letter will never get to you?”

It continued to greet me casually as if we were having an IM chat.

Here are two key nuggets from the essence of the letter, which I found salient and beautiful: (more…)

January 17, 2013
30 Accomplishments to Be Proud Of

“Do something now that will make the person you’ll be tomorrow proud.” ~Unknown

A while back someone asked me to list my greatest accomplishments for 2012.

As I racked my brain, I thought of a few professional achievements that made me feel proud, but as for the top accomplishment, I kept coming back to the same thing: my sister’s wedding.

I wasn’t the planner, and I didn’t pay for the whole thing, but I was a big part of it.

Even though I live 3,000 miles away, I acted as her Maid of Honor, helped plan her bridal shower, planned a fun two-day Bachelorette party that meshed with her unique personality and interests, and traveled to Massachusetts on numerous occasions to be part of it all.

I felt excited to recognize this as my top accomplishment for a couple of reasons. First, it reminded me of how much I appreciate my family.

Particularly as someone who spent a lot of time isolated, I now believe my relationships are priorities—and I’m proud that I show it in action.

But also, it reminded me that accomplishments don’t necessarily need to entail productivity, promotion, sales, or profits. Sometimes the most fulfilling things we do in this world bring little recognition, yield no monetary results, and come without fanfare.

And yet, they still can mean so much and feel so completely satisfying.

I’d by lying if I said I don’t enjoy growing and expanding through my work, but I’ve finally realized that what I have to offer—to others and myself—far exceeds the fruits of my paid labor.

In a fast-paced, competitive world, where it’s easy to feel we’re never doing enough, it’s gratifying to recognize just how much we do to honor the people and things that matter to us.

With that in mind, I decided to create a short list of accomplishments that we may sometimes overlook.

If you’re looking to do something that will make you feel proud—or perhaps looking for a reminder that you already do so much—one of these ideas may resonate with you: (more…)

January 17, 2013
Rituals for Renewal: 7 Steps to Lower Your Stress

“Every day brings a choice: to practice stress or to practice peace.” ~Joan Borysenko

Every day I meet with people who are stressed and want things to be different. I also encounter people who are so distressed they’ve accepted suffering’s dominion over their life. Almost all, however, are interested in the concept of change.

Still, taking small, conscious steps toward a healthier emotional, mental, and physical life can sometimes seem overwhelming. More people have told me “I’m so busy—I can’t fit one more thing into my day!” than not. But what’s the alternative? It’s being just happy enough to be miserable.

Take it from me. Early in my career, I decided to take a position with a new for-profit, up-and-coming business, determined to climb the professional ladder quickly. Immediately I moved my family from our safe, rural life to fast-paced, competitive Washington, DC.

I became obsessed with work, committed, and my boss recognized my energy level and capacity to manage by awarding me with, of course, more work.

At the time, I took this as a compliment; I saw it as evidence that I was achieving a goal. I did not recognize what my work was extracting from me physically, emotionally, and mentally until, ironically, I took a long overdue vacation.

Walking out to the pool, my wife mentioned that we had forgotten the suntan lotion. Offering to retrieve it, I suddenly began to feel dizzy as I approached the lobby, anxious waiting for the elevator.

I was sweating in the air-conditioning, and there was a sense of impending doom as I approached our room. I was afraid to walk inside, fearful there might be a blinking red light on my phone indicating a message from my boss about work.

Seeing no red light, I was able to breathe again and regain my balance. But the truth was clear: The red light was a metaphor. If I didn’t begin caring for myself, soon enough I would be in a van with red lights whirling all around me. (more…)

January 16, 2013
You Have to Know What Kind of Love You Deserve to Attract It

“Your task is not to seek love, but merely to seek and find all barriers within yourself that you have built against it.” ~Rumi

My ex used to stomp out of the house every time we had an argument.

Literally, he would leave. And usually before he left he’d smash something. One time it was a lamp; another time it was a cast iron skillet and the tile floor it landed on.

He would stay away for about an hour, driving his sports car really fast to let off steam.

I know this because when he returned, he’d tell me that his sports car helped him deal with the frustrations I caused him.

I frustrated him.

I didn’t mean to frustrate him. I certainly didn’t mean to make him angry.

All I wanted to do was talk. I was having a problem and I was under the impression that people in a relationship were supposed to solve problems by discussing them.

But somehow, our discussions would turn into arguments.

And maybe a third of the way through the argument, I would have no idea what the initial discussion was about. The conversation would have turned so many corners that I’d need a map to get out. And the argument would usually end by me not understanding his feelings.

It was very confusing to me.

I found it hard to maintain a civil conversation when I wasn’t even sure what we were talking about. (more…)

January 15, 2013
Who Are You Trying to Prove Yourself To?

“If you don’t like something change it; if you can’t change it, change the way you think about it.” ~Mary Engelbreit

Some might say that their past haunts them like old ghosts. As for me, my ghost is my childhood.

I was raised in a moderately traditional family, as opposed to some overly traditional Chinese families where everyone lived by a thick rulebook.

Luckily, my family was a little more lenient, which I consider a true blessing. However, I felt as though my parents held me captive inside a glass box. Whenever I thought about being chained down from what I needed, I felt a part of me die.

I now realize that they never held the key to my escape. The horrifying truth came to light when an old, bitter anger rose up from within me a few days ago: I was my own captive.

Like I said, my ghost is my childhood. No matter how I’d trace and redraw the lines, I’d end up with the same result.

I was no angel as a child; in fact, I was far from it. I was a bad student, which was a big deal in my family, and my parents reacted just like any other parents would when they learned that their oldest child was being disrespectful.

So it was no surprise when they decided that I was going to have a hard time in life, and that I was going to end up in a community college while my baby brother would head off to a big shot university and then make the big bucks. (more…)

January 14, 2013
8 Tips to Move Beyond Envy and Start Thriving

“Envy was one of the most potent causes of unhappiness.” ~Bertrand Russell

Everyone feels it. Envy is universal. I can trace my first feelings of envy to my childhood. I grew up with six sisters, each one taller and thinner than I was. On top of that, they all had pretty, long, thick hair. Mine was thin, fine, and unruly. I wore a bra as early as fifth grade. They didn’t need one until high school.

I had a bad case of sister envy. Once, when I was mad at my oldest sister, I actually imagined taking scissors to her long, lovely locks in the middle of the night. Of course, I never did, but I wanted to!

Today, we are good friends. We have each other’s back.

Envy is a resentful emotion. I measured my beauty against the beauty of my sisters. I felt inferior and made them superior. I felt ugly on the inside and blamed it on the outside. I was too young to understand.

I now know that envy centers on feelings of not enough, resentment, doubt, scarcity, and longing. With my sisters, I can’t say that I didn’t feel animosity toward them. However, the anguish I felt within was much worse.

Today’s Envy

Today, my envy lies in comparing myself to other writers or bloggers who have bestsellers, more readers, and more sales than I have. Never mind what they did to get there. My ego wants me to believe they have had an unfair advantage.

Seth Godin, bestselling author, calls the Internet the envy amplifier. (more…)

January 14, 2013
7 Tips to Develop a Daily Practice for Growth, Healing, and Happiness

“Our way to practice is one step at a time, one breath at a time.” ~Shunryu Suzuki

Two years ago, I reached a breaking point. I was miserable in my job, unhappy in my marriage, disinterested in my graduate school program, and struggling with multiple medical issues.

One night, while fighting with my husband, a deep sense of dread overcame me. Who is this person, so beaten, broken, and miserable? I’d become completely unrecognizable to myself.

I knew I had to make a decision: continue on a downward spiral out of fear and lose myself completely, or let go, fall, and see where I landed.

I chose to let go. In a single week I quit my high paying job, left my PhD program, filed for divorce, sold all my stuff, and bought a plane ticket to volunteer in Brazil. Completely exhausted, I left the US with only one goal in mind: to heal my life.

The first step toward that goal was the development of a daily yoga practice. This became a key component in my healing process, serving as an anchor during a time when everything in my life was dreadfully unstable.

My yoga mat became a safe space to reconnect with my mind, body, and spirit.

When I arrived back home after six months, I was a completely different person. My daily practice helped me move through anger, sadness, fear, guilt, and shame. It taught me how to feel gratitude, compassion, inner strength, and happiness.

If you’re feeling stuck in your life, developing a daily practice can be a huge catalyst toward growth and healing. Your practice doesn’t need to be yoga and meditation. It can be almost anything as long as it gives you the time and space to let go and reconnect with yourself, each and every day.

Here are 7 steps to help you develop your own daily practice: (more…)

January 13, 2013
Moving Beyond the Pain of Losing Someone You Love

“Sorrow prepares you for joy. It violently sweeps everything out of your house, so that new joy can find space to enter. It shakes the yellow leaves from the bough of your heart, so that fresh green leaves can grow in their place. It pulls up the rotten roots, so that new roots hidden beneath have room to grow. Whatever sorrow shakes from your heart, far better things will take their place.” ~Rumi

Our son Nathan was nine years old when a car hit him. He had massive head injuries as a result of his accident. Doctors told us that he was brain dead and encouraged us to turn off his life support and donate his organs. Two days later we did just that and sadly said our last goodbye.

How do you begin this journey? Who prepares you for this sudden change? How do you wake up the next morning knowing your child won’t be in your life anymore?

At first we went on autopilot to survive because trying to absorb such an enormous shock was not an option. Nothing seemed real.

Of course, we knew the truth deep down, but we had another daughter to care for, and in the beginning everyone was running around trying to make us feel better, so our grief went on hold.

After the funeral and meals stopped coming around, we still wanted to avoid the grief, but somehow it started to face us.

My husband and I both wanted answers to the many questions we had about Nathan’s death.

We started to doubt what we had learned at the hospital and our own decision to turn off his life support. We began to come out of our shock and started piecing together exactly how this happened.

Our anger at the driver started to come out as well; we wanted her to be punished like we were. We asked if she could be charged and held accountable for her actions.

With all this emotion and energy flying around, we weren’t sure who we were anymore, and we were channelling our energy in all the wrong directions.

I started to play the “what if” game in my thoughts each day. Once you let it in, it can consume you. I was not so much exhausted with the process of grief, but more about how busy my mind had become with everything but that. (more…)

January 13, 2013
Are You Betting On Yourself Or Against Yourself?

“The fear of suffering is worse than the suffering itself.” ~Paulo Coelho

I stood there in the parking lot of my apartment complex, with the hot Phoenix sun beating down on me, as I watched him drive away for what I thought would be the last time.

With tears rolling down my cheeks, I went inside my apartment after his car had turned the corner and was out of sight.

When the door closed behind me with that familiar thud, I could almost feel the loneliness swallow me up.

We met nine months earlier and quickly fell in love. But his time in Arizona had come to an end when he graduated from ASU. With no jobs in sight in Phoenix, he was hitting the highway and driving back to his hometown of Seattle to use his contacts to find work.

I wanted to go with him, but I was afraid of leaving all that was comfortable and familiar to me.

When he drove away, with his car filled to the brim with all his belongings, I imagined my life without him. I knew I my life would carry on, as I would wake up every morning, go to work, come home, and hang out with friends and family on the weekends. Perhaps even months down the road, I would probably start dating again.

Life would inevitably continue—but without him. The thought of being in love with someone who I’d never see again was a hard thing to swallow.

Step Right Up and Place Your Bets

Every day, moment by moment, we make choices. Some of those choices seem inconsequential. Most of us only feel the burden of choice when we are faced with one of those “big life decisions.”

Taking a new job, moving to a new city, starting a business, or having a child, just to name a few. (more…)

January 10, 2013
6 Tips to Find Your Bliss So You Can Follow It

“Remember that sometimes not getting what you want is a wonderful stroke of luck.” ~Dalai Lama

I’m betting you’ve heard the advice to “follow your bliss.” While I find there to be much value in those words, I submit that this mindset can become a trap.

It’s not the bliss I have an issue with. It’s the part about following.

If you are going to follow your bliss, the supposition is that you already know what it is. Maybe you do, and maybe you don’t. Yet.

When I was in my early twenties, my mother invited me to join her for an evening yoga class she was taking to be followed by dinner. Yoga wasn’t as popular then as it is now so it was something of a mystery to me.

I imagined a half hour of simple stretching. To be honest, I was more interested in the free dinner than I was in “exercise,” but mom had just started a 6-week yoga intensive class and was very enthusiastic about it. Wanting to be supportive, I accepted her invitation.

I met her at the yoga studio, thinking easy stretches would be a good way to work up an appetite, and then off to dinner we would go. We removed our shoes, and I padded after my mom as she handed me a mat and showed me where to spread it out on the floor, next to hers.

The teacher was a pleasant young woman who smiled warmly as she welcomed us and lowered the lights, suggesting we sit quietly and relax. As the last few students straggled in, she walked over to the close the door and invited us to “just let go of the cares of the day for the next two hours.”

Holy Toledo! Two hours! Two HOURS? I hated P.E.—I’d never done any physical activity for two hours. This would never do. Two hours? I panicked.

How to escape? I could excuse myself to the bathroom and wait it out there. Maybe I could feign a stomachache and take a taxi home. I was freaking out inside.

The teacher’s smiling eyes met mine, and I fake-smiled back. Panic turned into paralysis. I froze. It took every ounce of willpower (and a fair amount of respect and love for my mother) to keep me from bolting out that door. I swallowed my panic and got ready to endure the torture. (more…)

January 10, 2013
We Are All Creative: Slow Down to Connect with Yourself

“Beware the barrenness of a busy life.” ~Socrates

As a people, we are busy. Busy is our mantra. Busy equals successful. Busy equals value. Sometimes all busy really equals is busy.

It’s important to be engaged, and we need to do what it takes to survive and thrive, but sometimes what we are seeking has less to do with being busy and more to do with just being.

Most of us experience an over-scheduled, hypercompetitive world. We’re constantly bombarded by images and messages that mold our thoughts, minds, and ultimately the way we live our lives.

This can make it difficult to cultivate our own thoughts and create from our inner selves. We get so wrapped up in the messages, ideas, and perspectives presented to us that we may become disconnected from our own source of original thought and creativity.

It’s easy to fall into the habit of being a consumer of what already exists rather than becoming the source of our own creative ideas and beliefs.

We need to unplug from the vast network of what already exists and tap into our inner source and creative well.

It’s wonderful to engage in the outer world and absorb what others have already created, but that is only a part of the whole experience. Absorbing and learning from what exists and combining it with our own creative thought is a powerfully dynamic interaction.

Socrates was a classical Greek philosopher who spent countless hours in deep reflective thought. It was from this quiet space of universal creativity and deep thought that he brought forth some of the most fundamental philosophical contributions to society.

He engaged in, observed, and absorbed the outer world in which he lived and then tapped into his own creative inner workings. If Socrates were always on the go, the world would never have received his unique creative gifts.

During a period of time in my life, I was going to graduate school, working, settling into my new role of being a mom and a wife, taking care of a home, and running around try to keep pace with my busy schedule. (more…)

January 9, 2013
Feng Shui Basics: How Your Space Can Affect Your Mood

“The light is what guides you home, the warmth is what keeps you there.” ~Ellie Rodriguez

One day I came home and just sat in my driveway for a while, wondering why I wasn’t happy about going inside my house. I wasn’t depressed, and I had a loving relationship with my family.

Even though I was married to the love of my life and just had a beautiful baby boy who I couldn’t wait to see every day after a long day of work, something about coming home was simply unpleasant, and it irked me that I wasn’t able to pinpoint it.

Every time I walked in the front door or roamed around my home, I’d find myself picking at little things, like the lighting and the colors on the wall. My gut told me that something was wrong with the interior look of the house, since we hadn’t touched it since we moved in.

“Why is it so dark in this room? Who likes this color anyway?” I’d ask.

I questioned whether that was really the cause, but when a student of mine began talking to me about Feng Shui after class one day, a light bulb went off, and I sought the help of a Feng Shui specialist.

The interior design of my home was affecting my mood.

How do you tell your wife that you feel weird about coming home and then blame it on the decoration? Worried that she might think it was a bigger issue, I sat her down and communicated my feelings.

“Honey, I really don’t know what it is. There’s something about walking through the front door that makes me feel uncomfortable. I think it’s something about the space.”

She said that she felt the same way and proceeded to talk about the discomfort of the living room, while I complained about the hallway and office. I felt much better knowing that I wasn’t crazy!

After that, we splurged on new paint and said goodbye to our ugly bare white walls and awkward furniture placement.

That’s when I started learning about how your physical space can affect your mood and life. (more…)

January 9, 2013
3 Ways to Transform Anxiety into Positive Energy

“Today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday.” ~Proverb

A few months ago, I moved from the metropolitan east coast to rural Indiana and bunked up with my grandparents to help them sell their house.

The house has finally sold, and now I am faced with options for where to go next. In other words, my future is completely uncertain at this point, and I’m experiencing quite a bit of anxiety over it.

On the real, I’m silently, and at times not so silently, freaking out.

Anxiety is so annoying in that it can be completely paralyzing. It is for me right now.

My anxiety has taken over my productivity and has almost completely shut down my creativity. Also, my sleep is suffering, which impacts my skin, eating habits, and energy. It’s a yucky downward spiral, my friends.

The major bummer is that my anxiety doesn’t solve any of the things I’m worried about, and the blocked energy flow this negative emotion generates only creates more problems. What is a distressed girl to do?

Today I dragged my anxiety with me to my meditation pillow, and had a piece of paper where I quickly jotted down all of my greatest fears surrounding this move that’s upon me in just a few short weeks. I sat for a moment and wrote down anything that surfaced.

What came up was that I am fretting that I won’t have enough money to support my upcoming move, I’m wondering what would happen if my car breaks down, and I’m worrying that I might not be happy in my next environment (and so forth). All valid fears, I would say.

But then I realized that I really needed to dissect those fears further. (more…)

January 8, 2013
How to Believe in Yourself in the Face of Overwhelming Self-Doubt

“When you doubt your power, you give power to your doubt.” ~Honore de Balzac

You know what that voice in your head says…

You can’t do it. You’ll never be good enough. You’re going to fail.

This voice taunts you whenever you set a goal. It criticizes you when life gets difficult. It beats you down when you struggle to stand up against its running commentary.

You know you shouldn’t let self-doubt bother you, but it’s a sneaky critter. Sometimes, you just can’t contain it and it slips past your barriers.

And self-doubt is greedy. When it’s loose, it devours your confidence, strips logic and reason from your mind, and steals happiness from your heart. In return, it leaves you with only fear and insecurity.

You try to remove self-doubt by forcing yourself to “think positive,” which usually doesn’t work as well as you think it should.

The more you fight your self-doubt, the more it fights back. However, with self-knowledge and understanding, you can use self-doubt for your benefit.

A Story about Crushing Dreams and “Being Realistic”

When I was a child, I was in love with drawing. For me, drawing was as exciting as going to the playground.

At some point in my childhood, I decided I’d become an artist of some kind. But the critics in my life were quick to cut me down. I’ll bet you’ve heard the same kind of clichés:

“Art is great but not a ‘realistic’ future goal. While it’s a nice hobby to have, you can’t really make a living out of it. You’ll just be another starving artist.”

As children, we internalize these negative messages and parrot them back. If the adults say so, it must be true, right? By adulthood, every time we have a small hope, we’re the first to snuff it out: (more…)

January 8, 2013