Tag: dreams

Finding the Courage to Live Out Loud, Starting Now

“To get something you never had, you have to do something you never did.” ~Unknown

We’ve been taught that being negative means being realistic, and being optimistic means being unrealistic. We’ve been led to believe that you are “too old” or it is “too late” to follow your dreams. We’ve been taught to associate the feeling of doubt with failure.

It’s time to bust these myths!

We need to know, and let it be known, that doubt is just a feeling that comes to us when we are about to step out of our comfort zone.

We are all familiar of the good old comfort zone—it’s the tiny little circle where we all feel safe. But here’s the deal: When we stay in our comfort zone for too long, it begins to shrink.

We start to die—not a physical death, but a spiritual and emotional one.

We are so afraid to try something that creates feelings of doubt, for the fear of failure. As a result, we miss out on opportunities; we miss out on what could have been amazing, mind-blowing experiences; and eventually we start to live a life filled with what-ifs and regret.

Does this sound all too familiar?

I used to be controlled by my ego, at the expense of my happiness. The ego is a protective mechanism that tries to protect us from the unknown.

However, if we never venture, then we will never have any adventures, and we will never have lived.

I used to be afraid of situations where I had no control of the outcome. I avoided social gatherings like the plague for this reason; what would happen if I couldn’t interact with anyone?

One day I decided I had enough.

I stepped outside my comfort zone. I started to say “yes” even though I felt overwhelmed. I said “yes” without even knowing how I would bring myself to do what seemed to be a daunting task.

At one point, I was enrolled in BSchool, an online business course run by Marie Forleo. As I am a budding entrepreneur, I felt scared to interact with BSchoolers, as most of them already owned established businesses and brands. (more…)

August 21, 2012
Change Your Beliefs, Change Your Life

“He who has health has hope, and he who has hope has everything.” ~Proverb

As I start a new day, grateful that I am pain-free, healthy, and strong, I reflect on the true meaning of health and how I ended up in this wonderful place.

An outsider looking in might say I worked hard in the gym and spent thousands of dollars on treatments and services.

I would simply say that I believed and continue to believe—and that is all.

Four years ago, I was defeated by a diagnosis called Sacroiliac Joint Dysfunction. What this means is that abnormalities in the joint which connect the spine to the pelvis were causing pain.

This was the Webster’s definition I needed to describe why I had been suffering for years with low back, hip, and leg pain that prevented me from living—truly living.

When the doctors told me there was no cure, it was the excuse I needed to stay trapped in depression and pain.

As a stay-at-home mom of two young children, I spent my small amount of free time feeling sorry for myself and taking a variety of pills to cope. I rang in each New Year with a new doctor, physical therapist, and plan that failed before it started.

Sadly, by the time Valentine’s Day rolled around, the hope I placed in others to fix me quickly dimmed to sarcasm and disappointment. The reality was I was getting worse and more depressed with each failed attempt.

It was not until I understood that my focus needed to change that I was able to make the strides I needed to get better.

You see, I was the perfect mom. I felt that my worth came from doing everything for everybody else, in spite of my physical condition. I was a volunteer addict and a perfectionist when it came to everything except me. (more…)

July 19, 2012
Scaling Back to Propel Yourself Forward in Work and Beyond

“Your work is to discover your world and with all your heart give yourself to it.” ~Buddha

Let me paint a picture for you, instead of clouding this post with emotion. To be more specific, I think I have Asperger’s Syndrome, and even if I wanted to cloud it with emotion, I would probably fail to convey the correct ones.

I was born in Zimbabwe to well-educated and financially comfortable parents, which is as lucky a background as some people on this continent get to have. Unfortunately, my parents were also incredibly emotionally distant, and my earliest memories include several instances of domestic violence.

Fortunately, they very rarely lived in the same house at the same time; we were usually a two-household family.

My father, in the end, died of AIDS, and I’m not in contact with my mother or any reatives because they don’t want to talk about the abuse, the disease, or anything that happened within our family.

I’m happy to accept that they are uncomfortable talking about it. After several years of struggle, I have learned a lot about my parents that teaches me what amazing people they were—and I am grateful to have been born into this family, because there was an incredible flip-side.

Although my parents were emotionally distant, they pushed me intellectually more than any parents I have ever met.

My mother relates a story of having purchased a VHS player in the United Kingdom when we lived there. At the time I was apparently around two or three years old.

I pestered them about where the cartoon characters were, because I wanted to play with them. They dismissively told me that the cartoon characters lived inside the video machine. I waited until they were gone, and I remember painstakingly prying that VHS player open, so that I could have someone to play with.

Instead of being annoyed or angry, my parents were amazed. From then on, they pumped me full of intellectual material. I remember reading Hemingway and Cousteau to my mother while she obsessively cleaned the house before I was even in middle school. It was incredible.

It wasn’t surprising, therefore, that I chose to study medicine, or that I succeeded. (more…)

July 10, 2012
When It Feels Too Hard To Keep Trying: Rest or Push Harder?

“Fear is a natural reaction to moving closer to the truth.” ~Pema Chodron

When working toward a goal becomes difficult, it’s hard to know whether to push or take a rest.

In my early twenties, living 3,000 miles away from home as a live-in nanny in a very different lifestyle became very stressful. I quit. I felt I couldn’t adjust to it, and I also couldn’t tolerate feeling out of my element every day for months.

It was a decision I quickly regretted. The family I worked for was amazing, and as soon as I moved home I missed them—and California. I regretted giving up so soon and in a way that impacted two very special young children.

In hindsight, I realize that had I pushed harder and committed to just a few more months, things would likely have eased for me.

At the time, I wasn’t aware of how resourceful I actually was, and hovering outside of my comfort zone for so long left me feeling the urgent need to feel grounded.

Instead of finding other ways to achieve that feeling, I moved back home.

In college, I was fixated on earning high grades. I loved school and loved learning, but I felt that it only “counted” if it was acknowledged by an “A” on my final transcript.

I pushed too hard that first year, and I quickly became isolated and depressed.

By the next year I had learned that if I didn’t rest periodically, my whole life and health would suffer. And all the “A”s in the world can’t buy happiness.

I’m the world’s biggest proponent of, “Take it easy on yourself.” In my full-time work, I often advise clients to reduce their academic course load to find more balance in their lives. (more…)

June 28, 2012
5 Ways to Let Go of Limited Thinking and Create a Limitless Life

“The world as we have created it is a process of our thinking. It cannot be changed without changing our thinking.” ~Albert Einstein

As so often happens when I go on vacation, valuable insights come in unexpected ways. It happened again during a recent fly-fishing trip (through Fly Fishing for the Mind) with my adult son, Brandon, to the Sian Ka’an Biosphere, a government protected nature and wildlife reserve at the eastern tip of Mexico.

I got in touch with a major difference in Brandon’s and my thought patterns. Brandon thinks expansively about life’s possibilities—particularly those involving fun and adventure. His typical mind-set is “Let’s do it” and “This will be a lot of fun.”

I, on the other hand, tend to think restrictively, like “If we do this, then we can’t do that” and “That’s not what’s been planned.”

Had I followed my limited thinking during the trip, I would have missed out on some great fun and highly rewarding experiences. Let me share two of them with you.

An Enlightening Visit to a Remote Mayan Fishing Village and a Lobster Feast

On the second day of the trip, twelve of us (in three small motor boats) took a half-day eco- our. We were entertained by sea turtles and dolphins during the first part of the tour. Snorkeling at the second-largest barrier reef in the world was scheduled for the last hour of the tour.

While motoring to the barrier reef, we approached a primitive wood bridge that led to the small fishing village of Punta Allen, where our guides lived. Brandon asked our guide whether the village fishermen caught lobster. When the guide nodded yes, Brandon enthusiastically proposed, “Let’s go buy some lobsters and take them back to our lodge for dinner.”

The first words out of my mouth were, “If we do that, we won’t be able to go snorkeling.”

“Why?” Brandon asked.

Before I could respond, the two others in our boat also expressed interest in visiting the village and buying lobster, and those in the other boats quickly followed suit.

What followed was a delightful visit to Punta Allen, an unspoiled Caribbean paradise, in which we engaged with the locals and experienced their simple, uncomplicated lifestyle.

And despite my concerns, the guides gladly extended our tour so we could also go snorkeling! (more…)

June 14, 2012
Discovering Peace from Within and Creating Fulfillment in Life

“Our greatness lies not so much in being able to remake the world as being able to remake ourselves.” ~Gandhi

The feeling of inner-strength and fulfillment can be enough for us to move mountains. For the most part, we all have the desire to do and be great. It’s just a matter of finding the right pieces to put together to make it happen.

Part of that discovery process is being able to overcome the low states of energy that hold us back from finding our inner happiness and confidence. When we feel refreshed, vibrant, and able to make the right choices for ourselves, the right actions and results follow.

Like so many others, I once viewed the sources of happiness and fulfillment in my life as events that were few and far between. I’d have some good days here and there, but they were mostly based on what didn’t go wrong at work, at home, or with my finances. It certainly took a toll on my self-esteem and sense of worth.

It was hard to be great when I didn’t feel great.

Events that I had no control over ruled my thoughts, feelings, and actions. Work-related frustration built up during the day, and nights at home were stressful and emotionally trying. I even let things like the weather and traffic on my daily commute ruin what could’ve been a perfectly productive and amazing day.

It left me in a constant state of doubt and disarray, searching and wondering when the next positive experience would come along just so I could feel good again. It was a destructive way to live, and it continuously put stress on all the important areas of my well-being.

In my eyes, I finally hit rock bottom: My finances were a mess, my personal relationships were suffering, and so was my emotional and physical health.

When my friends or family would ask how I was doing, my reply was always preceded with a long and drawn out sigh. (more…)

June 6, 2012
Who Owns Your Time?

“What you do today is important, because you are exchanging a day of your life for it.” ~Unknown

When you take cash out of your wallet to give to someone, you surely expect something of equal or greater value in return. Do you treat your time the same way?

At one of my first jobs, I found myself spending a massive amount of time on tasks that didn’t really add value to me or my purpose.

“Ah well, at least I got something done today,” I would often mutter to rationalize wasting time on just busy work. Or even better: “Well, that took a lot of my time, but at least I’ll have tomorrow to take care of what I really need to do.”

I found that I didn’t truly own my time. I would arrive home from work exhausted, unwilling to do anything, and dreading that I only had an hour to sleep before waking up to do the whole thing over again.

Why did all of this happen? Because I let my boss, my friends, and poor decisions take ownership of my time.

Do you find yourself saying yes to too many requests, including those of your boss? Do you give away your time? I understand that you’re at a job and are getting paid for your time, but we all need to take ownership of how you spend your time.

I found out this the hard way when I began getting sick from working too hard and depressed from a lack of balance in life.

I realized something had to change and made it a point to respect my time, because time is the only thing I’m given for free in this life, every day that I live.

I started by promising to myself that I would do just one activity per day that added value to my life, or planted a seed for me to have more time in my life.

For one day, adding value meant challenging myself with a new piano piece to experience the joy of music and refresh my creative side. For another day, this meant completing an action item on my list for the startup I had been forming on the side to achieve financial freedom.

Ultimately, what is important to you in life?

All the time management strategies in the world won’t help you a bit if you don’t know what you really want. These need not necessarily be aspirational things, such as career achievements. They could be small things that you enjoy, but are really important to you. (more…)

June 4, 2012
I Don’t Have to Be Perfect: It’s the Leap That Counts

“A good plan today is better than a perfect plan tomorrow.” ~Proverb

I’m a “recovering perfectionist.”

I make perfect plans. At times, when I’m really working on my plans, I forget to live my actual life. Because I’m planning. Perfectly.

I had my first strategic plan when I was ten.

“Be a really, really good girl. Then, when you are sixteen, borrow the car and say that you are going to Drug Fair to buy hairspray. Instead, drive the fifteen minutes to your daddy’s house so that he’ll want you back.”

A year later I had to revise my first strategic plan. My alcoholic father died.

Here was the second plan:

“Now you’re all alone.” (Which wasn’t true, by the way. It just felt that way. Anyway, back to the plan.) “Now you’re all alone. Be perfect.”

In the first plan, I just had to be “good” to be rescued. In the second one, there was no rescue.

I needed to be perfect.

(Perfectionism Myth #1 Perfection will keep you safe.)

That plan ‘worked’ for a while. I had started playing the flute the year my father died. My great grandmother told me not to cry and upset my mother. That was okay. Perfect people don’t cry.

(Perfectionism Myth #2: Perfection is a way to manage hard feelings.)

Perfect people practice. (more…)

May 30, 2012
Start the Climb: Take One Purposeful Step

“Don’t be afraid to go out on a limb. That’s where the fruit is.” ~H. Jackson Browne

When I close my eyes and ponder the dreams that I have, the hopes and wishes that I cradle in my heart, I wonder what has prevented me from reaching for and achieving them. Oh, I come up with a whole slew of excuses, sometimes disguised as “reasons.”

The seeker of my truth fires back with a rebuttal most of the time.

“It is better to attempt and fail than fail to make any attempt at all,” it says in response to my ego’s ramblings about how I won’t ever succeed.

“You make time for what is important to you,” my inner light says in response to my ego’s musings about how busy my life is, working a full-time job, while also parenting two active, small children.

Regardless of the excuse, it can always boil down to one thing. Fear.

I lost my dad traumatically and unexpectedly in 2003. I spent the next eight years wading through the sadness and anger, searching for some deeper meaning, some explanation for how serendipitously and “coincidentally” it all unfolded.

Then in 2011, I made an amazing discovery that was ultimately life changing. The catalyst for this shift in my being was a referral from a friend to read a book about life after death.

Suddenly, I realized that my soul, my intuition, my gut—it had something to say about how I should purposefully fulfill my path in this lifetime.

I spent quite a bit of time trying to differentiate between these disparate voices and messages I was receiving. Is it my head or my gut?

The ego is fear-driven. It relishes in success, achievement, and status. It directs you to analyze the route that leads to all of these things. (more…)

May 14, 2012
Hope is the Antidote for Fear

“Fear: False Evidence Appearing Real.” ~Neale Donald Walsch

In a moment of despair—moments I find have been increasing this year—I turned to this site for a little comfort. After reading a couple articles, seeing that I wasn’t alone in what I was feeling, I still couldn’t help but remain terrified of the next part of my life.

Job searches were wearing me out. I was trying to figure out where I wanted to live. I desperately wanted that dream job. All of these things had instilled a fear inside of me that I once thought I’d be able to overcome.

And then a year passed and poof, magically, there was no more sense of confidence, but instead a sense of fear.

Then I saw this quote. And I wished that I’d come up with it.

It says a lot, I think, about the way certain words work in our brains without us even realizing it.

“False Evidence Appearing Real.”

We all know that being afraid of the future is just as silly as being afraid of our own shadows, and yet we fear it all the same.

Why?

The answer is within the quote; it’s a false sense of reality.

We imagine what we don’t want to lose and instantly grow afraid of that loss. But we’re being bamboozled; we’re duping ourselves out of a secure sense of “now” and replacing it with an insecure sense of “what if.”

The only reality that exists is in each passing second, and yet with each passing second comes the agony of not knowing what will come next. It’s a struggle, and nothing more than that.

So what can we do to heal this repeating, self-inflicted wound? (more…)

May 9, 2012
Life Is Shaping Us Through Our Dreams

“With ‘I’ eliminated, this is Nirvana, here and now.” ~ Buddha

I remember when I started learning Spanish in college. I wanted to visit Spain. I had grand ideas about a romantic voyage. And yes, I had a foreign language credit to fill.

If you know the Spanish language at all, you know that the Spanish construction for pleasure is the reverse of our English language. In English, we say, “I like that.” But, in Spanish, we say “Me gusta” which translates as, “It pleases me.”

In other words, in English we are the actors, the subjects, who actively do the “liking.” But in Spanish, the thing is the actor and we are the recipients, the objects, of the pleasure that it provides.

I remember how it sent my whole world into a tailspin. I literally walked around campus saying, “Do you realize that in Spanish the thing is the actor and I am merely the recipient of the action it makes?”

Here’s a simple example: I like the desk vs. the desk pleases me.

I couldn’t get my head around it. It was like a Seinfeld episode, “Do you mean to tell me that the desk is the subject and I am the object?” It rocked my world.

Now, this is not to say, of course, that everyone who speaks Spanish natively exists in Nirvana simply because their verbal construction eliminates the “I” sometimes.

But, it does open a window for us to ask the question: What if we really did live as recipients of life instead of imagining ourselves to be the ones in charge of life?

What if we knew that life is the actor and we are the results of life’s actions?

Think about the times when you get most stressed. For me, it’s when I feel like it’s all up to me. And if I don’t do it, then it’s not going to happen. That stresses me out.

It’s the same with the thinking that it’s up to us to make our lives happy and successful and abundant. If you look carefully, it’s the very striving to make our lives happy, successful and abundant that stresses us out! How ironic is that?

Ok, I know what you might be thinking: Shouldn’t we have goals, and shouldn’t we set steps in place for our growth and development? And, yes you’re right.

What I’m asking is simply this: Who is the actor? (more…)

May 8, 2012
3 Steps to Help You Achieve Your Truest Dreams

“What I am is good enough if only I would only be it openly.” ~Carl Rogers

From the time my grandmother gave me a copy of Little Women when I was five years old, I knew I wanted to be a writer and create books like that one.

As I grew up, I devoured books left and right, working my way up from The Babysitters’ Club Little Sister to 1984. While other kids were asking their parents to take them to a toy store, I was begging for a trip to the local bookstore.

What can I say? The nerdy heart wants what it wants.

I wrote stories and articles in a private journal, amassing hundreds and hundreds of pages of text over the years, but I still had not developed the courage to let anyone read my work. I locked them up tight but longed for an outlet.

When I started blogging a few years ago, it was out of the desire to finally let my writing free—a passion I had mistreated for way too long.

Soon after reigniting this passion, though, my subconscious fears found a way to suppress it all over again.

I wrote articles long and short, but, for some reason, I kept them focused on the topics I thought people associated me with, what seemed both safe and to the point: technology.

I waded hesitantly in the waters, writing about industry topics and news without infusing my own voice or experiences in the text.

I feared a reader would disagree with anything I wrote, so I didn’t take a stance on any of the topics I felt strongly about. (more…)

May 1, 2012
Fuel Your Dreams with Simple Daily Habits

“A good plan today is better than a perfect plan tomorrow.” ~Proverb

My name is Katie and I am an over-planner. I spend way too much time laying out meticulous plans as if they were exquisite bejeweled gowns. I spread them across beautiful handmade notebooks, trim them with pink and green headings and sub-headings, and step back to admire them when I’m done.

They are tomorrow’s plans. Each one more stylish, more elaborate, more organized than the last. Each one the perfect plan. But in reality, not one of them is. Once the latest plan has been printed or pasted or posted, I grow weary of it and want another.

I’m addicted to perfecting my plans, but not actually executing them.

This repetitive crafting of the next best laid plan has me caught in a time warp where I’m forever looking ahead, forever color-coding the future, forever laying out a decorative path that I don’t have time to explore because I’m too busy planning and perfecting.

My perfect plans are nothing more than plastic-sealed sofas no one ever touches or perfectly manicured rose gardens no one ever smells.

They are an illusion, they are excuses, they are busy-makers, they are attempts to control the chaos, and they only succeed in helping me avoid the real work of digging and pushing and acting and living today, not tomorrow.

Maybe your plans feel this way too. Do you find yourself planning and organizing and researching and preparing, but never really getting down to mastering anything except planning?

You could be like me—a bit of a perfectionist, a slight over-achiever, a touch bossy, a tad of a control freak, but I bet you are a whole lot more than that. You’re also likely a soulful human being with dreams and goals and a desire to live purposefully and joyfully.

If so, here’s a new plan of attack that just might get you out of your perfect planning rut. Choose a simple, heartfelt habit and do it every day. Don’t worry about being perfect or doing everything all at once, just repeat this habit each and every day.

Today, I will walk the dog, grab a coffee, then come home and write a few pages of my novel. Now there’s a good plan—a plan that I can do today and maybe even repeat tomorrow.

Maybe I’ll end up getting in shape, feeling good about life, and finishing that book I’ve been writing. (more…)

April 19, 2012
How to Create Joy Today: 7 Tips for a Happy Life

“Happiness is not something ready made. It comes from your own actions.” ~Dalai Lama

I have recently come face to face with mortality—not my own, my friend’s. At only thirty-seven, Daniel left behind an army of people whose lives he had touched in some way, including my own.

At thirty-three I have just qualified as a psychotherapist and hypnotherapist. At the time Daniel passed away I was working as a human resources manager, a profession I had originally trained in and remained in for over ten years.

A number of factors and events led me to make the leap and set up my own practice as a psychotherapist and hypnotherapist, but the overriding reason was simply to follow my dreams.

Many of my friends told me how inspiring I was to them, others told me I was brave, and the rest gave me a look of awe that suggested I was crazy.

Words of well-meaning advice were spoken.

“Why don’t you work part time while you get the business underway?”

“It’s going to take time for you to get regular clients you know; they won’t come overnight.”

“You can always go back to human resources if it doesn’t work.”

All of this came from my nearest and dearest friends and family! I didn’t listen to any of them because I knew from the depths of my soul that this was the right thing to do, and I knew their words were only echoes of their own fears about life and striking out, not my own.

Every day we are faced with stories that remind us of our own mortality as human beings, but when you lose someone you love with all your heart, it changes something deep within you. (more…)

April 4, 2012
6 Powerful Questions That Will Change Your Life Forever

“Information is not knowledge.” ~Einstein

A few years ago I was lost. Frustrated. Scared. Unsure. Anxious. Trapped. Unfulfilled. Stuck in a dead-end job. Smothered by society’s expectations. Didn’t have a clue what I wanted to do with my life.

I cared for myself enough to change my life, but I didn’t have the slightest clue where to start. I spent my days wishing that things would change—that I could escape a life that my soul could no longer bear.

The worst part of all, I was living the life that society had always told me to live. “Find a secure job, work hard,” they would say. “Get a solid job and work your way up the ladder.”

I don’t know about you, but it turns out that for me, the “right thing to do” sucked the joy out of life.

Imagine feeling trapped in an unsatisfying existence. Wasting your precious time doing things that you really don’t want to be doing. Being afraid to express your uniqueness. Having fun on the weekends then dreading the upcoming week. Maybe you don’t have to imagine it; maybe your life is just like mine was, few moments of satisfaction drowned out by a constant grind of work that doesn’t fulfill you.

Then something hit me. It was a proverbial hammer to my head. I’d heard it before, but it had never sunk in. Then, as if out of nowhere, a voice in my head spoke loudly and clearly.

“Discover who you truly are and fully give every aspect of your uniqueness to the world. This is your path to an extraordinary life.”

I followed this wisdom as if my life depended on it. And I can tell you that my life has changed for the better since I followed this guidance.

I can tell you without any doubt that the greatest piece of wisdom that I’ve discovered in my life thus far is this: (more…)

April 2, 2012
Swapping out your To-Do list for a Be-Now List

“The grass is not, in fact, always greener on the other side of the fence. Fences have nothing to do with it. The grass is greenest where it is watered. When crossing over fences carry water with you and tend the grass wherever you may be.” ~Robert Fulghum

For as long as I can remember, I have been an ardent keeper of a life to-do list. Always a set of invisible criteria in my head, and sometimes written-out in actual lists, my to-do list of life improvements has been sort of a North Star, guiding my direction and efforts.

This love of improvements in process stems from a longstanding and deep desire to be transformed in some magical way. Not because my life has ever been bad in an objective sense, but nevertheless, I always believed my life—and I—needed to be changed and improved.

In elementary school, for example, I can remember thinking ahead to a trip I was going to take in the summer with my friend’s family to Cape Cod.

I planned all the ways I’d use the following months to become the pretty wasp-y girl who I thought belonged on Cape Cod (grow out my hair, get a new cover for Bermuda bag…)

Or, when I went off to college in New York City, I looked forward to the very sophisticated, adventurous urbanite I would be (stop eating dinner between now and then to be skinny, buy this pair of boots and that jacket, develop an air of nonchalant cool…)

This was a pattern I replayed many times over: set my sights on a media-perfected image of a lifestyle or type of person, and then list all the ways that I needed to change to become more like that image.

All of these different factors would find their ways into resolution or to-do form. (Will lose weight, will be more extroverted and charming, will learn to be a better flirt, and so on.)

When the experiences I planned for came to pass, they each had their own reality, which was good, interesting, and full in its own way. (more…)

March 21, 2012
The Tiny Risk-Taking Challenge

“A diamond is just a piece of charcoal that handled stress exceptionally well.” – Unknown

Two years ago, I was sitting in my car thinking just after being laid off from the job I thought I’d probably spend the rest of my life doing. According to how these stories usually go, I should have been mad; I should have been scared; I should have wanted revenge.

But I didn’t feel any of these things. Instead, I felt an unexplainable happiness—like a weight had been lifted from my shoulders. When the shock of the moment wore off, I realized why I was so happy; all of a sudden, anything was possible!

It had been years since I’d tried something new. It’d been years since I’d taken a risk on myself. It’d been years since I’d actually felt alive. And this moment had snapped me out of it.

So, sitting there in my car that day, faced with no idea what my life was going to look like starting tomorrow, I asked myself a simple question:

What would my life be like if I did something that scared me every single day?

Two years later and I’m relatively convinced it’s the best question I ever asked. It’s lead me to new and interesting relationships, up mountains, to strange countries, and into self-employment.

None of these things were comfortable—quite the opposite, actually, but they were all worth the effort.

Giving Stress a Good Name

I think it’s been a while since stress has gotten a fair shake. It’s no four-letter word—literally or figuratively—and for the bad rap it’s gotten in ruining lives, it’s also reaffirmed just as many. (more…)

March 18, 2012
Where Do You See Yourself in Five Years?

“Begin at once to live and count each separate day as a separate life.” ~Seneca

“Where do you envision yourself in five years?”

This is a common interview question. Managers like to find employees who set goals for themselves. They think it is a sign of a person who is motivated and wants to get ahead in life.

I used to believe this too. I constantly badgered myself, “You should be further along in your career.” “Everyone else your age is in management positions, why aren’t you?” “Maybe I should get an MA so I can get a better job and be more qualified.”

There was constant pressure on me to be more, to achieve more, to do better, to be better than what I was right then. I put that pressure on myself. American society idealizes the upwardly mobile, outwardly wealthy, ambitious person.

When I was in my 30s I had a Director position with a good company, a husband, two kids, and a nice house in Florida. I was living the American dream. If asked my five-year plan in an interview I would have said to continue to move up in the company, to earn a higher salary, go back to school to get my Master’s Degree, send my kids to the best schools, and build an extension on my house.

All my goals were exterior driven—to do, strive, angst and work, work, work, work harder. But life happens and you can’t control or predict what will be thrown your way.

In the next five years the economy tanked, and my husband was in danger of losing his job, so he wisely found another—in Indiana. We moved to the Midwest where I had never even had the slightest inkling of desire to live. (more…)

March 12, 2012
How to Tackle Resistance to Make Meaningful Life Changes

“Kites rise highest against the wind, not with it.” ~Winston Churchill

A little over two years ago, I wrote these hopeless words in my journal:

“All around me, I’m noticing people perpetuate patterns they claim to hate or end up in situations they’ve always dreaded. And I can’t seem to break free. When I take steps to make a new life or forge a new path, barriers pop up left and right. I don’t know what to do differently.”

At the time, it felt as if my repeated attempts at changing the trajectory of my life toward joy and expansion were constantly thwarted by some covert forces intent on keeping me down.

I felt as if I was fated to feel unfulfilled and discontent for the rest of my life. I felt like maybe everyone was fated to repeat maladaptive patterns and self-sabotaging mistakes.

My, how things have changed.

Since then I’ve taken significant steps toward major changes in my life, all bringing me closer to a joyful life based on my “anchors,” or values. My life continues to open up and I am presented with new opportunities daily.

But there is still resistance. Nay-sayers. Obstacles to this change that I previously thought were unmanageable. In the past when these obstacles came up, I would shrink back into my old life thinking, “I knew I couldn’t do that.”

In the present, I harness all of my strength and resources and confront these obstacles head-on. I know that there will always be resistance to change. But that doesn’t mean it’s not worthwhile.

I’ve identified the two primary barriers to change, and some strategies for managing both.

Read on to begin charting a new course for your life. (more…)

March 11, 2012
5 Tips to Achieve Your Goals Despite the Odds

“Excellence can be obtained if you care more than others think is wise, risk more than others think is safe, dream more than others think is practical, expect more than others think is possible.” ~Unknown

After several excruciatingly painful and profoundly frightening years of undiagnosed symptoms, I was diagnosed with a “progressive and incurable” neurological disease, Reflex Sympathetic Dystrophy/Complex Regional Pain Syndrome (RSD/CRPS). It’s characterized by unrelenting pain that is disproportionate to the inciting event, usually an injury or trauma.

As luck would have it I was diagnosed and, shortly after, hospitalized for the first of three times, just as I was accepted into a Master’s program for clinical social work.

I always saw myself obtaining a Master’s Degree and a Ph.D., but how would I accomplish these grueling and seemingly impossible tasks if I could barely stand up long enough to brush my teeth on a cocktail of the most potent narcotics available?

I didn’t have the answer to this question, and a flood of fear and doubt rose up within me like a tsunami crashing onto the shore, drowning hope and destroying all of the life in its path.

I pushed onward despite overwhelming feelings of fear and medical professionals suggesting that I should quit graduate school and go on disability.

That was three years ago, and now I have a Master’s Degree in clinical social work (MSW) and a professional license to boot (LSW). Not to mention, I no longer take any medication for the RSD/CRPS thanks to coffee enemas, a vegan diet (heavy on the fresh, organic fruit and vegetable juices), and a will and desperation to be healthy.* (more…)

February 29, 2012