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Posts tagged with “Change”

What to Do When People in Your Life Don’t Want to Change

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“If you don’t like something change it; if you can’t change it, change the way you think about it.” ~Mary Engelbreit

We all know at least one person who we think needs a self-help course or book more than we do. They’re the “wrong” ones, at least in our minds.

I once was in a relationship with a man who seemed to have placed me at the bottom of his priority list. He would always be too busy playing sports or going out with his coworkers to spend time with me.

I found myself modifying my weekend schedule to match …

Focus on Yourself Instead of Trying to Change Someone Else

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“If you can’t change the circumstances, change your perspective.” ~Unknown

I was the one who was the designated driver in high school and college. I wanted to be in control of how I arrived and left a party. Besides, the taste of alcohol did not please, so it was a win-win situation in my mind.

Then, a decade later, I found myself dating someone who was addicted to drugs. I thought if he could just hang around me, see how I found joy without being altered by substances and bask in my love, then he could stay sober.

In the …

Why Your Problems Are Not Nearly as Permanent as They Seem

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“When we
go back into the past and rake up all the troubles we’ve had, we end up reeling and staggering through life. Stability and peace of mind come by living in the moment.” ~Pam Vredevelt

There is a way in which we tend to view issues in our lives that makes it seem like the issue is a big, scary monster that chases us around everywhere we go.

We have commitment issues. Or we are bad with money. Or we have an eating disorder, we drink too much, or we follow-through too seldom.

We view ourselves and our lives …

How to Love More and Hurt Less in Relationships

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“Our interactions with one another reflect a dance between love and fear.” ~Ram Dass

In my personal experience, I’ve learned that it is sometimes easier to dance this journey of life solo rather than in partnership. Many of us have experienced life both in relationships and outside of them. Both are just as sweet.

I’d like to offer up some lessons I have learned in my dance in and out of relationships:

1. They are not meant to last forever.

Our society seems to put a lot of pressure on the idea that things will last forever. But the truth …

How to Find Your Path When Life Suddenly Changes

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“Never fear shadows. They simply mean there’s a light shining somewhere nearby.” ~Ruth E. Renkel

As an ocean lover, I frequently visit the shore, even during the winter. Encouraged by a day with blue skies and forecasted temperatures above freezing, I hopped in the car and headed for the coast.

The beautiful view of the ocean is the best part of the six-mile walk I intended to do. However, as I neared the coast, I noticed a thickening layer of fog. By the time I parked, the fog had completely blocked my view of the sun and everything at a …

4 Lessons on Conquering Fear and Living the Life You Want to Live

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“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, ‘Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?’ Actually, who are you not to be?” ~Marianne Williamson

After lying on my apartment floor for an hour, I walked over to the mirror, leaned in, and looked into my eyes.  This was the moment I came face to face with the truth: I was afraid to stand up and be who I wanted to be in this …

Knowing What to Do When the Path You’re On Feels Wrong

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“Don’t let yesterday use up too much of today.” ~Cherokee Proverb

Age is a funny thing, isn’t it? It’s both an internal and external measurement by which many of us, consciously or not, judge our successes and failures, and it’s how others often judge us: “She’s so young to be CEO.” “He’s too old to be a quarterback now.” “Those guys should have stopped touring years ago.” “How old is that woman he’s dating?”

Measurement is part of our culture.

Paradoxically, we initially choose our life paths when we are the least prepared to understand the significance of our decisions.…

How to ROCK Your Rock Bottom and Reinvent Yourself

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“When something bad happens you have three choices. You can let it define you, let it destroy you, or you can let it strengthen you.” ~Unknown

I wasn’t always the ridiculously attractive (and humble) Jason you see before you. No, from a very young age I was overweight. I am an only child raised by a single, very hard-working mom. Her crazy work schedule meant that cooking meals was rarely a feasible option. This meant we ate at restaurants or had fast food quite often.

Couple that with my extreme TV watching habits and only going outside when forced, and …

3 Vital Lessons on Living a Life That Won’t Lead to Regret

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“I now see how owning our story and loving ourselves through that process is the bravest thing that we will ever do.” ~Brene Brown

Even though I’m a psychologist who has been working in the field of development and assessment for the last thirteen years, sometimes it still takes more than reading a theory in a book, or even seeing something work with a client, to make it real for me.

Here are three of the moments that have had the most impact on me and the way I live my life.

1. Each of us has the power to

…

Owning Our Stories: Overcoming The Fears That Make Us Play Small

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“I now see how owning our story and loving ourselves through that process is the bravest thing that we will ever do.” ~BrenĂ© Brown

It’s taken me a long time to figure out my story.

I kept thinking, “Nothing particularly dramatic has happened to me, so how can I have a story?”

Yet recently, after years of personal growth work, that’s shifted. I see the golden thread that weaves through my story and what that means for how I show up and what I bring to the world.

I now see that this whole thing about owning your story …

6 Things to Do When You Feel Small and Insignificant

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“Tough times never last, but tough people do.” ~Robert Schuller

On nights when the stars shine bright in the Arizona desert, I remember to tell myself to pay attention to the universe’s handiwork. From space, the Earth is a mere speck in the galaxy. I am humbled by this knowing, by my smallness. I call it my Ratatouille moment.

Ratatouille is an animated movie that tells a story of a dreamer, a remarkable rat named Remy, who aspires to be a chef. Emerging from the sewers one day, Remy was shown a different vantage point of the city.

To his …

Stop Attracting Unhealthy Relationships: 3 Promises to Make to Yourself

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“When you stop trying to change others and work on changing yourself, your world changes for the better.”  ~Unknown

For years, I was entering relationships with men where I saw their potential to be a good match for me, if only they would completely change who they were.

For twelve years, it was the same pattern until one day I finally realized something was broken.

After my last unsuccessful relationship, where I was just holding on, hoping he would change and be the person I wanted him to be, I had had enough. So, I took a much-needed hiatus to …

Breaking the Rust: 7 Tips to Move Forward When You Feel Stuck

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“Change is inevitable. Growth is intentional.” ~Glenda Cloud

The squeak emanating from my office chair had finally become unbearable. Like a slow drip of acid on the surface of my psyche, it had finally burned its way into my head.

I stopped working on the article I was writing and strode into the garage to retrieve my toolbox. Time to replace that rusted out wheel with the shiny new one that I’d bought months ago.

I leapt into action purposefully. Today, things would change.

Three of the four bolts holding the wheel in place were out when things ground to …

Getting Unstuck: Work Through Fear and Change Your Life

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“When you become comfortable with uncertainty, infinite possibilities open up in your life.” ~Eckhart Tolle

We’ve all been there. Feeling stuck is very distressing, and it can often make a situation feel even more difficult than it already appears to be.

Many of us may have felt trapped in a job, a relationship, a place; any unfavourable situation, really, that we see little way out of can leave us feeling deeply discouraged.

The uncertainty of it all becomes overwhelming and, over time, paralyzing.

I have felt the frustration, the sadness, and the hopelessness that accompany this predicament many times.

In …

How Accepting Your Circumstances Can Help You Find Something Better

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“Accept what is, let go of what was, and have faith in what will be.” ~Sonia Ricotti

I’m on an old bus in Kathmandu, the capital of Nepal, where I’m staying on a three-month tourist visa. I look through the window at the streets, dirty beyond belief.

Thick dust in the air mixes with the pollution of exhaust fumes; I see men spitting on pavements and small children with greasy hair roaming the streets in search of people kind enough to give a few coins.

I witness dirty stray dogs that look like they have rabies, mingling in the crowd; …

When You’re In Transition: Being Patient and Accepting Uncertainty

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“Fear, uncertainty, and discomfort are your compasses toward growth.” ~Celestine Chua

Change is never easy, yet it’s always around us. Sometimes it hits us over the head (if you experience divorce, a career change, a move, or a loss of a loved one). Other times, it’s hiding around the next corner. And most of the time, it’s happening even we don’t even know it.

My father firmly believed in the adage the only constant is change. Myself, however, I avoided change as much as I could because I didn’t want to deal with uncertainty.

After a well-scheduled high school …

A Simple, Tiny Exercise to Help You Make a Big Change

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“Change is inevitable. Growth is intentional.” ~Glenda Cloud

Growing up, I never had that many friends. The concept of best friends is still foreign to me. For the first seventeen years of my life, I found myself happier alone than in the presence of other people.

I wanted to join them; I just didn’t know how.

In order to protect myself from people I’d rather not mention, I decided to join a karate class. For the first time I belonged to a group that was slowly starting to accept me.

In the months that followed, I began to go out …

How to Maintain Healthy Habits and Stop Sabotaging Yourself

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“You, yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection.” ~Buddha

About two years go, I felt horrible about myself and where I was in my life: single, struggling to lose weight, miserable in my job (and no clue what to do about it), and unfulfilled in general.

I kept trying to bully myself in order to be the person I wanted to be and have the things I wanted to have.

I kept saying to myself, “I can’t believe you said/ate/did that. There’s something wrong with you” and giving myself strict rules to follow, …

Hang Up the Superhero Cape: We Don’t Have to Do It All Alone

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“When we can no longer change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves.” ~Viktor Frankl

In the spring of 2008 when my son was only seven months old, I received a text message from his stay-at-home dad while I was at work. The text read, “He’s in the crib.” I did not respond because those five words said everything I needed to know.

My son’s father had left us, and worse, he had left my son alone in his crib. I was at work fifteen miles away. 

Adrenaline is an interesting thing. I don’t remember many details about that …

What to Do When You Find It Hard to Do What’s Good for You

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“If you correct your mind, the rest of your life will fall into place.” ~Lao Tzu

I know how you feel.

You know you shouldn’t eat that cookie, but it’s as if there’s something from deep within that compels you to move your arm forward, pick it up, and consume it in one, grandiosely guilty gesture.

You find yourself performing entire series of behaviors—like reaching into your pocket, picking out the pack, getting the cigarette, and lighting it—without even realizing what you’ve done until you’ve got the thing in your mouth.

You promise yourself you won’t complain, judge, or …