What I was trying to say above, Confused, is that I really admire the strength of the boy- Confused who in the midst of ongoing abuse and the great emotional pain and turmoil that it caused you, you wisely (instinctively, not a matter of a self-aware choosing), shut down his feelings.

It makes perfect sense that you did. It was self- protective.

Fast forward, she has been deceased for quite some time, but the emotional shutdown has become an internal habit, just the way it’s been for so long.

Again, I see why you needed INTENSE feelings to cut through the thick crust of emotional shutdown/ anhedonia.

Yet, intense feelings cannot be sustained.

So, is there another way to cut through the anhedonia?

Not in the fast, dramatic, intense way of the past, but slowly- as in one little step at a time: see Copilot’s # 1 in two posts ago, less than 11 hours ago.

🌿 🌟 Anita