I think 🤔 that I am getting new insight into myself because of you:

If I read about your anhedonia when I was growing up / living with my mother, I would have been jealous of you!

Because not feeling would have been so much better than the pain (shame, guilt, self-doubt) that tormented me growing up.

So, again, I think you did an excellent job (when you were growing up) numbing/ shutting down/ suppressing your emotions- a way superior job to mine 👏

But now, what worked before (when living with your mother) is not serving you anymore.. because your GF is.. not like your mother. Maybe no one is like her.

Back to me, I wish I was able to not feel back then.

I did my best suppressing, just not as good a job as you did.

🌿 🌟 🌿 Anita