“The next message you need is always right where you are.” -Ram Dass
Everything seems urgent in an always-on world, where we can access each other at any time. When we’re not engaging through emails, @replies, and Skype messages, we frequently check various online portals to keep up with who’s doing what and what’s trending. Even if we manage to tune everything out, we often end up feeling distracted.
There’s a bustling world of instant updates and constant connection that never sleeps, and it lives on our desks, in our purses, in our pockets.
Who knows what we’ll miss if we disappear into our own space for a while. Researcher Linda Stone refers to this as continuous partial attention—living life with one eye on technology to feel busy, included, recognized, and important.
While these all sound like positive things, the compulsion to receive them can leave us feeling unfulfilled and even powerless.
Until recently, I refused to buy a cell phone with Internet access for this very reason. Despite maintaining a consistent mindfulness practice, I sometimes struggle with the urge to answer one more email, respond to one more blog comment, or monitor the different places where Tiny Buddha has a presence.
It’s tempting to be always-on, but that means we’re never here. The only way to be available for what’s in front of us is to be less available for everything else.
This means we really hear what our friends are saying in front of us instead of checking to see what other friends are tweeting. It means that we stop watching our email accounts like pots that won’t boil and really taste the tea we may otherwise multitask. It means we stop feeling like the narrators of our lives—sharing everything the moment it happens—and instead feel fully alive in our experiences.
The web is a sticky place, and we can easily get lose here if we’re determined to stay informed and connected. There’s nothing wrong with using technology–it certainly enhances our lives. We just need to know when to disconnect from the stream so that we don’t disconnect from ourselves.
Photo by laineybugger
About Lori Deschene
Lori Deschene is the founder of Tiny Buddha. She started the site after struggling with depression, bulimia, c-PTSD, and toxic shame so she could recycle her former pain into something useful and inspire others to do the same. You can find her books, including Tiny Buddha’s Gratitude Journal and Tiny Buddha’s Worry Journal, here and learn more about her eCourse, Recreate Your Life Story, if you’re ready to transform your life and become the person you want to be.
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Though I run this site, it is not mine. It's ours. It's not about me. It's about us. Your stories and your wisdom are just as meaningful as mine. 
very timely thoughts! thanks for sharing this. i have been having the exact same questions, on not buying a phone with internet, i eventually did, then my phone got stolen and i went through the same questioning again, having finally found back to my peace.. and decided that it should be possible to manage myself, then again, that is exactly how it feels, “managing myself” for just one more thing. thank you very much for this. i am really trying to be ever more present for the people in my life and this is a very nice reminder.
Amen, Lori! I struggle with this a lot and love those last two lines. I think I’d rather disconnect from the stream.
I have been thinking a lot of writers and artists from times gone by. Other than smoking and meeting friends for coffee, they must have kept their butts in the chair for hours at a time, fully focused. Or not.
Thanks so much for this…
Yes Lorie, I totally agree with this challenge of staying connected 24/7. I let go of much of that connectedness last year. I joke with friends and say, “I used to be someone, then I became no one, until I realized I was everyone”. As I am asked to get reconnected and be more available, I find my mind dancing between the resistance of being more connected regularly vs. the surrendering to what is vs. choosing not to enter that world again. hmmmm……
As I approach my seventieth year, I must say that being connected via various digital devices truly enhances my living. I can speak, text or email friends as I wish. No pressure, just opportunity… I can attend an AA meeting or publish my photos as I wish. For me, at any rate, it is ALL good.
It’s funny, to decide to disconnect from the web by reading a blog post on the, er… web! 🙂
I get your point, though, I do. That’s why NO TV for me, no web-access phones for me. And a regime (that I’m failing to keep right now – alas) that tells me when to check emails (twice a day).
Giving the present moment the full attention it deserves is what we all would be wise to do. Otherwise, and I bet you this has happened lots of times, it will get to the situation when you’re texting your mate whilst making love to your lover/spouse/partner AT THE SAME TIME! “Oh, do you mind, luv, just… I just gotta text back, it’s important – she needs me! No need to move. (Hmm.) Be 2 ticks…” :-O
🙂
Steve
Great post. I especially like the part about paying attention to our friends that are right in front us.
Amen. Recently in a high school gym, i watched a girl who was there sitting between the 2 cutest guys at the school and in the front row of the most exciting big-rivalry game of the year, and she was texting the entire time! Paid no attn to the boys or the game, despite all the excitement going on. I thought, man, if you wanna be THERE, then go be there, but why not “be here now”? Think what you’re missing. It amazed me. And I also have resisted getting a smarter-than-me phone b/c I know if I’m constantly connected out there, I won’t be connected w/ what’s (or who’s) in front of me. Hate seeing families out to eat & they’re all on some machine instead of interacting. Very sad & wouldn’t be allowed w/ my kids.
“The web is a sticky place” I really liked that quote. And I can definitely relate.I’m someone who used to spend WAY too much time online. And to back that up, I wasn’t even being productive! Usually I was just playing video games or browsing.
Once I cut out that part of my life (at least most of it…) I’m learning how to balance being mindful with doing actual work online.As you noted, it can be a struggle, but it’s one worth mastering if we are to remain who we are.
I know that feeling, Fred. If I’m not mindful, I can spend hours just hopping from site to site, reading articles, taking quizzes, answering messages. While I get a lot from my online activities, I find that most of my enjoyable moments entail complete disconnection.
Thank you Nick!
That’s a great idea about reminders for when to check email. I struggle with that, because I want to stay ahead of the curve. Sometimes it feels much smarter to respond to them as they come, as opposed to waiting for an avalanche of messages when I check my email. But I know I am much more productive, creative, and grounded when I’m not at the mercy of my inbox!
That’s great, Loup. We are lucky to live in a time when we have access to so much so much so easily. =)
Yes, it can be challenging to find a balance. I think it’s all about moderation–knowing when to connect and when to unplug and we be available to the world in front of us.
That’s interesting to think about artists from a different time. I think about simpler times often, actually. Sometimes I wonder what it would be like to be far less aware of the world at large. Granted, I’m grateful for the ability to connect and communicate with so many people. I just wonder what it would be like to have a smaller frame of a reference, a simpler life, and far fewer distractions.
You are most welcome! I actually ended up buying a phone with Internet access that isn’t a smart phone–so it takes a while to connect, and there are many things I can’t do online. I find that this minimizes my mobile web time, as I only use when I really need to check something.
I’m grateful that kids didn’t have cell phones when I was younger, actually. It’s hard enough being an adolescent, with all the social pressures that entails; having to carry those pressures around with you can be incredibly stressful and overwhelming. I don’t have children yet, but I know I will be mindful of their technology usage when I do!
while i appreciate the fact that the internet gave me the opportunity to discover old and new friends and find my writing voice via blogging, i also know what a time suck the internet is. hence i go on a digital sabbatical once a week.
this is also why until now i refused to buy a phone with internet access despite the prodding of a dear friend. my reason: i don’t need the internet to write.
you have mirrored my thoughts…exactly! well said~ thank you
You are most welcome!