“Enthusiasm is contagious. You can start an epidemic.” –Unknown
Do you ever downplay your passions and ambitions when someone asks you about your work?
Someone asked me if I do this a while back, and at first, I said that I don’t. To know me is to know Tiny Buddha—and to hear about it often.
I’ve recognized, however, that I can be somewhat reserved in describing what I do when I first someone new—especially if I meet them in a context that does not confirm they have an interest in personal development.
Of course, this means I’m making assumptions. Just because I meet someone at a wisdom conference that doesn’t guarantee they’re more interested in personal growth than someone I meet in a doctor’s office.
Still, it’s tempting to form this conclusion to avoid potential awkwardness, particularly because I write about topics that not everyone feels comfortable discussing.
This, I’ve found, is what sometimes causes me to water down my enthusiasm: I’m too concerned with how I assume someone might respond to open up and find out for myself.
Can you relate?
Have you ever assumed someone would be bored by your work without giving them the opportunity to decide for themselves? Have you ever imagined someone would find your aspirations silly instead of taking a chance and letting them in?
Or how about this: Have you ever held back when sharing your goals with someone who seems to be successful in their field in fear they won’t take you seriously because you’re not yet?
I suspect we do these things to maintain a sense of safety, whether it’s for ourselves or our dreams.
But we limit our potential to help and be helped, inspire and be inspired, when we minimize our interests and ambitions.
You never know when an enthusiastic exchange might lead to a life-changing conversation, introduction, or opportunity, for you or someone else.
We can all do a lot of good in this world we all share together, but we first we need to be willing to share the good we want to do.
Photo by wonderlane
About Lori Deschene
Lori Deschene is the founder of Tiny Buddha. She started the site after struggling with depression, bulimia, c-PTSD, and toxic shame so she could recycle her former pain into something useful and inspire others to do the same. You can find her books, including Tiny Buddha’s Gratitude Journal and Tiny Buddha’s Worry Journal, here and learn more about her eCourse, Recreate Your Life Story, if you’re ready to transform your life and become the person you want to be.
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Though I run this site, it is not mine. It's ours. It's not about me. It's about us. Your stories and your wisdom are just as meaningful as mine. 
Lori, I love the idea of being open to a ‘ life-changing conversation’. I don’t open myself up to this idea nearly enough.
It’s great to be in the company of someone who is passionate about a subject regardless of what it is. It’s hard not to be captivated by their enthusiasm.
I definitely do this too often, assume people wont be interested.
Bettina @@ http://lovelylittleone.blogspot.com
I can absolutely relate. I am very passionate about helping others to transform their body image and thereby their life. However, I still find myself being insecure when I talk to others about it. I am always hesitant because I don’t want to be judge because I work in new media. I am working on overcoming it thought, step by step.
YES. I can totally relate to this. And the thing is, I don’t think I’ve even really realized that I do this until you brought it up here. I guess I’ve always thought it was normal to just casually say, “Oh, you know…I like to write” as opposed to “Writing is like breathing for me.”
It feels sort of like an instinct to protect myself or my passion from judgment that I haven’t even received yet.
I will try to be more honest and enthusiastic next time someone asks me about my goals. 🙂
I absolutely relate to this although, I am not always super excited about what I do. I work in a creative field that has a lot of great things about it. For some reason I always feel the need to describe all of the negative as well as some of the positive when describing what I do. Perhaps I am not that passionate about it…..
This resonates with me. I do energy work from home and also work quite a bit with my spiritual community in the capacity of High Priestess. I cringe when I am asked what I do. I have gotten a variety of reactions in the past and because what I do is so close to my spirit I have a certain amount of protection built up around it. When I get negative reactions, I don’t want to share anymore with the general public. I have been exploring what feels right to me to both honor my passion for my work and my need to protect that passion from naysayers. I have created levels of disclosure. 😉 These levels increase with interest shown.
Not only has my education in veterinary medicine been forced to take a backseat due to the birth of my daughter (and rightfully so) but my enthusiasm has been watered down as I feel like a failure for never finishing. I love helping animals more than anything but also being married to a naval pilot which forces me to travel has made a damper on the education and work that I wanted so much to do with my life. When it comes up in conversation, I usually avoid talking about it completley.
Even though my marriage to my husband has taken me down a different road than I had dreamed of or imagined, it has been for the better. It has given me life experiences that I wouldn’t trade for the world and would not have had the opportunity to come in contact with other wise. When one door closes, another opens.
Till I have the ability to finish my school or get a different degree in another area I have passion in, I will volunteer any additional time I have in animal welfare and medicine. It will help me connect within an unfamiliar area and may even aid my education in the long run.
Great post!
Jodi, I got a masters in Transpersonal Psych. in 2001 that I am only getting around to using now. I was 7 mos. preg. when I finished my thesis. My family came first! Why are you beating yourself up? It’s your life, and you get to choose how to spend it, so kudos to you for having your priorities straight. 🙂
I am ENFP type (Meyers Briggs). I can’t help but express my enthusiasm for things that excite me…like for BUDDHISM!
Sounds so familiar, Lori! Coming from a mathematics, engineering background I had a hard time allowing myself to open myself up for anything personal development related. I felt so so strongly pulled towards it, but I didn’t value it as something worthy. I judged myself as being crazy and silly and stupid for loving it, while everybody would unanimously agree that it so totally didn’t have any value at all. So I felt really reluctant to share my fascination and love for personal development with anyone. I’ve been working on tons of crappy thoughts I had around doing anything coaching related, and funnily enough doing all that (self)coaching is exactly what helped me to experience its value 🙂 Diving into my judgements, fears and doubts has been a confrontational, yet such a rewarding process, with lots of recommitting to myself and my truth. I saw this quote on pinterest a couple of days ago and this so beautifully sums it up: “When you are truly comfortable in your own skin, not everyone will like you. But you won’t care about it one bit.” And that is so absolutely abundantly true.
For me there are various dynamics in play when I encounter someone new. (Or anyone for that matter.)
First, there’s my emotional state: how passionate am I feeling at the time, about anything?
If I truly am excited about a creation, that energy will bubble up and attract people’s attention…or maybe not, because of the…
Second dynamic: the other person’s emotional state: how attentive is he?
Is this conversation about ME, or HER? If I’ve been set up to listen, I listen. If I’m ALLOWED to give, I offer parts of my world, which brings me to the…
Third dynamic: his specific interest in my passion.
Sometimes I can HOOK her imagination as I describe my blog and books. Sometimes I’ll drop of few hints about myself, crumbs of info that could change the topic to my offerings of content. If she doesn’t grab the idea, I’ll let it go, or maybe try one time. But I can’t force the topic. Or shouldn’t.
The bottom line: when a question isn’t asked, the answer isn’t heard.
Is there really interest in what I have to say? This question brings me to the last dynamic:
Personal doubts: How important are my ideas? MUST they be spread? SHOULD they spread?
The answer to THAT, is in me. Some days I feel more confident than others. Some days my passion is charged. Some days I even feel a “calling”.
And other days, I don’t.
When I don’t, there is no passion to reveal and I remain cloaked.
Still…it’s always productive to read your blog and it’s comments, and then share mine. I’m glad you’re around!
Irv
eek, I’m guilty of “watering down my enthusiasm” and it feels terrible when I do. I get self-conscious about reading empowerment books/blogs because I don’t feel like the people in my life would understand.
I feel like this all the time – at first I didn’t even let anyone know what my real aspirations were, and then even when I started being more open about them, I would laugh it off and add some kind of disclaimer or put myself down. I’m slowly getting over that, but it’s a process. It’s easy to want other people to take you and your dreams seriously, but first YOU have to take yourself seriously. Easy to say, hard to implement in your (my) own life. So cheers to this article.
P.S. I am an aspiring photographer and writer, damn it! There. Now I’ve said it out loud for all to see…on this blog at least =]
http://www.existation.com
Guilty as suggested! Thanks for the insight and the motivation to change my perspective.
I know what you mean David. There’s nothing more inspiring than listening to someone who is really excited about what they’re doing.
You’re welcome Sonia!
That’s wonderful that you help other people transform their body image. Mine was so unhealthy for so long, and challenging that has made a huge difference in my world.
I’m glad this inspired you to share your enthusiam–and I know what you mean about writing being like breathing!
You have some really beautiful photos Rachel! I love the water shot on your blog post “Lovely Day.”
I know that feeling Sage! Sometimes I ask myself, “Is this the right crowd for this conversation?” I know not everyone is into the same things, but still, I know it feels amazing to share my excitement, and then let the chips fall where they may, so to speak.
If you’re not super excited about what you do, that makes sense…
That’s an interesting idea–creating levels of disclosure. I know what you mean about protecting your passion. That’s something I’ve done as well!
That’s great you’re going to volunteer! I think that ultimately, what really makes us happy is surrounding ourselves with the things (or people) we love. Volunteering with animals sounds like a great way to do that while you’re figuring out if you’ll finish your degree.
That’s a beautiful quote An. It’s something I’ve often wrestled with, as I’m a recovering people-pleaser. I’ve often been tempted to say or do what I think people want to hear or see–but I am so much happier when I resist the urge to focus on that and instead do what I need to do for me. For the record, I’m glad you’re here chatting about personal development!
Thanks Lori for posting about finding your passion. It’s easy to forget that even mentioning the other things in our lives that we truly enjoy could spark an interest or inspiring conversation with someone that might make something “click”inside you. I’ll have to remember that for the future.
Lots of love
Jacquellyn
You’re most welcome Jacquellyn. Lots of love to you too =)
For some of us Lori, the passion can be a little…let me be kind to myself…and say overwhelming. My enthusiasm needs a little tempering. I’m sure we both found that happy medium -).
“Do you ever downplay your passions and ambitions when someone asks you about your work?”
All the time! I never talk about my heart’s desires to anyone other than my boyfriend (and the big wide world of the internet, of course!). I’m not sure why. I think it’s the fear of judgement. I’m certain that if I open up, I’ll no longer be the person everyone thinks they know. I’ll be someone they don’t understand or relate to. I long for connection, and I worry that coming clean would lead to disconnection.
I’m curious what you mean by passion being overwhelming. Are you talking about being consumed by a passion in a way that could be unhealthy?
I know what you mean Rebecca. Connection is one of my top needs (and maybe everyone’s.) Most often when I’m holding myself back or stressing myself out, it has to do with the fear of judgment!
I love that quote, An! I’ve been working on trying not to care whether
others like me for doing whatever, for being The Real Me. Though I’d say
I’m finally comfortable in my own skin after 63 years of wearing it, I
still sometimes get caught up in other people’s reactions to that Me.
Lori, great phrase: “recovering people-pleaser”. Yup. That’s what it
feels like to me, an addiction. To making others happy (at the expense
of my own joy), to meeting others’ expectations (at the expense of being
true to self), to helping others get what they want (while giving up
something of what I want), and so on.
Thanks to both of you for talking about one of the main barriers to
expressing our own passions. Expressing them does sometime means we have to pay less attention to the critics, naysayers, and skeptics whose words can so easily make us inclined to water down our own enthusiasm.
This is great!!!!!!!!!! Anyone that wants to get to know me will soon find out I’ve got dreams. BIG, HUGE, COLOSSAL dreams! But it’s so true, when I meet somebody very successful I tend to get a bit shy about sharing because I’m in such early stages of making all my dreams come true and I don’t want to brag. In my world growing up I watched many forget their hopes and dreams so that’s why my family is so supportive that I’m following mine. I can see why I shouldn’t be shy about sharing. You never know how that person may have some insight to help you in the direction you are headed and they too were probably enthusiastic dreaming souls before they “made it”.
Love,
Sarah
That’s wonderful your family has been supportive. =) Sending so much love to you!
Lori