“One can never consent to creep when one feels an impulse to soar.” -Helen Keller
The other day my boyfriend and I went to Disneyland, as we often do, since we’re annual pass holders.
Though my younger self would be ashamed to foresee this about adult me, I generally avoid rides with intense drops, because I have the stomach of a 90-year old. Yet somehow, the other day, I found myself in line for a roller coaster ride.
During the wait, I kept a laser focus on the part of the coaster that climbed to an inevitable plummet, completely dulling my other senses while I considered backing out. Once I buckled myself in, I felt that familiar sense of queasiness as I awaited the impending plunge.
Suddenly I realized that the ride itself caused mere seconds of discomfort; far more unsettling was the anticipation that I allowed to consume my thoughts. This unnecessary stress seemed even more ridiculous when I realized I was on a kiddie coaster, and the “drop” was really no scarier than skipping down a ramp.
Isn’t this often how it works? We challenge ourselves to do things to push outside our comfort zones, then along the way we question if it would have been smarter to play it safe.
If we get all worked up, we generally realize later it wasn’t as scary as we thought it would be. And if it was, stressing likely didn’t do much to shape the future; it just created a sense of tension that limited our ability to deal with it gracefully.
Everywhere we look, we see messages that tell us to take a chance and do the things that terrify us. We generally feel alive and invigorated when we stretch our boundaries, even if just a little. But the reality is we never have to do things we don’t want to do.
We choose them because we want them. Underneath all our fear and that nagging need to maintain a sense of control, we want to dip, drop, and soar. If we can remember that, it will be a lot easier to relax and enjoy the ride.
Photo with permission from laineybugger
About Lori Deschene
Lori Deschene is the founder of Tiny Buddha. She started the site after struggling with depression, bulimia, c-PTSD, and toxic shame so she could recycle her former pain into something useful and inspire others to do the same. You can find her books, including Tiny Buddha’s Gratitude Journal and Tiny Buddha’s Worry Journal, here and learn more about her eCourse, Recreate Your Life Story, if you’re ready to transform your life and become the person you want to be.
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Though I run this site, it is not mine. It's ours. It's not about me. It's about us. Your stories and your wisdom are just as meaningful as mine. 
Courage is what makes us fear is what stops us!
Thank you for this message! We Want to Fly! That will be my mantra for the day! I wrote a blog post the other day about the ways that fears can keep us from these great rewards we so deeply desire, like adventure, intimacy, abundance… Safety (not riding the roller coaster) is attractive, but taking a big leap toward something wonderful even more so! Helpful to remember how much we want to fly when we find ourselves fearful along the journey.
http://www.rachelernst.org/2011/09/fear-rewards/
Very insightful piece. It’s amazing what the mind can talk itself out of doing. Today I think I’ll install a new app in my mind that monitors when I begin to talk myself out of things that I really want to do and silence that talk.
I too love Disneyland, so the analogy of the roller coaster is now implanted as a reminder to go ahead and take that chance!
I also enjoyed reading about the Spirit Junkie and look forward to reading it–if I don’t win, I will certainly buy it : )
I read an article about Gabrielle just last week and I can’t wait to read her book and get acquainted with her approach. Also, just finished a nerve-wracking presentation a half-hour ago and ironic that your post came while I was ‘flying’ – of course, I’m working on getting better at ‘worrying during take-off…’ – that, of course, is the bigger struggle than just living in the moment and ‘making it work.’
Auburn Sky
What a great post. I’m trying to figure out how to let go of my fears and allow myself to fly again. Bad break up can leave one a bit gun shy.
When one is in the grip of the mind, one has no choice, the mind has taken over and is in control. Complete identification with the consequent feelings of fear, anxiety and discomfort occur. In this ‘unconscious’ state one does not have the ability to self analyze or choose our thoughts, it’s all autopilot, you are just along for the ride. And no amount of prior reflection or analysis will ever change that.
The only way out of this ever recurring behavior is to learn and practice how to step out of the mind, to disconnect from your thought stream and emotions in that moment, becoming the observer. In this different state of being your thoughts and emotions have no control over you. You will then be in a free, empowered position to choose your actions and feel peace and joy no matter the situation.
You are most welcome! It’s been a helpful mantra for me, as I sometimes forget that I actually choose to be in situations that give me butterflies, particularly public speaking. It’s something that I find terrifying–and yet I keep doing it. Clearly it’s because I want to!
I would love to try that app. Can you send me the link? 😉
Disneyland is just such a magical place. I love seeing all the families together there. I don’t see a ton of families in my everyday life, living where I do in Los Angeles, and I love seeing all generations coming together and sharing an experience. =)
I know that feeling well! I get incredibly nervous with public speaking, and I’ve actually been reminding myself of this roller coaster analogy as I prepare for a presentation next weekend. It’s been keeping me centered and focused to remember that I want this, and it will be a lot more fun if I resist the urge to be type-A in my preparations!
Yes, I know what you mean. It’s all about time, I think. Have you ever seen the movie Soul Surfer? It’s based on a true story of a girl surfer whose arm was bitten off by a shark. Shockingly, she ends up surfing again–and competitively! But there was a natural process of grieving her loss and readjusting to her new world first. Her story reminds me that we are stronger than we think–and we can bounce back from adversity if we give ourselves time to heal.
I think you hit the nail on the head that we can step out of our thought stream and emotions. When our natural fear response kicks in, it can feel like we don’t have a choice, but we usually have far more power than we think.
and it helps to remember that after that dip and if we really were scared sick, there are friends around us to comfort and encourage us 🙂
relax and enjoy the ride?