“Celebrate endings, for they precede new beginnings.” -Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Yesterday I spent more than an hour writing something I intended to publish today—and then I lost it. Since I hadn’t slept much the night before, I wasn’t completely attentive and somehow, I must have closed out the Word document before I titled or saved it.
That same exhaustion made it somewhat difficult to communicate my thoughts clearly when writing. But I did—after an hour, I’d expressed everything I wanted to share. Then it was gone.
Initially, I considered rewriting the post, and trying to remember exactly what I’d written before. Then I decided that maybe the lesson was to let go and start anew.
In college, teachers and peers had to fight me to change even one word in my writing, let alone a full sentence. When they did get me to edit, I’d likely only change a small portion, without allowing that new train of thought to further shape the entire piece.
I was stubbornly attached to every first draft. After putting so much thought and effort into it, I was afraid that making changes would be like picking thread on a sweater—the whole thing would unravel and I would be left with nothing. I would essentially have to start over.
I eventually realized this tendency translated into my everyday life. Once I set a goal, I was afraid to revise it—even if it became clear that was no longer what I wanted—because I was afraid to start over.
Once I got into a new relationship, I was afraid to walk away from it—even if wasn’t healthy or satisfying—because I was afraid I’d have to start over.
Ironically, I wasted a lot of time clinging to things that had run their course simply to avoid feeling like I’d wasted time.
It’s human nature to get attached when we’ve invested a lot of time in something. But an investment is only as valuable as its return—meaning we owe it to ourselves to recognize when we can get a better one by wiping the slate clean and starting over.
Letting go can feel like a loss. That’s because it is. But every loss paves the way for a gain, if we’re willing to receive it. Every time we let something go, we open ourselves up to something better.
Photo by beggs
About Lori Deschene
Lori Deschene is the founder of Tiny Buddha. She started the site after struggling with depression, bulimia, c-PTSD, and toxic shame so she could recycle her former pain into something useful and inspire others to do the same. You can find her books, including Tiny Buddha’s Gratitude Journal and Tiny Buddha’s Worry Journal, here and learn more about her eCourse, Recreate Your Life Story, if you’re ready to transform your life and become the person you want to be.
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Though I run this site, it is not mine. It's ours. It's not about me. It's about us. Your stories and your wisdom are just as meaningful as mine. 
oh, haha, I’m laughing at myself because I almost skipped over reading this thinking, “this doesn’t apply to me, I’m not starting over on anything right now”. Then I nodded along the whole time knowing well that feeling of being reluctant to walk away from something that is over. And yes, I have clung to first drafts too. Perhaps being open to starting over is something relavent for me after all. 🙂 Happy weekend!
this comes at a perfect time, as usual. thanks, Lori!
Beautifully put. Thank you.
So true. We forget that we have the ability to begin again – at any time we choose. That can be terrifying, but sometimes the fear of change is far worse than what might be waiting for us on the other side.
~Nikki xoxo
Totally resonate with this message today. I can be writing a piece in my head as I frantically drive home to my computer worrying that I won’t remember all the wise words I’m putting together (haha). Or, get it all put down nice and pretty and “bang!!” … gone in a flash when my Mac gesture mouse moves me out of where I am and I can’t find what I just so brilliantly wrote. Or that moment when I go into my self as I write and just let the feelings and words flow and find those words that preceded my flow just aren’t worth it anymore – these flow words are the ones to share, and if they get lost, so be it, I trust that whatever comes next will just keep the evolution of my writing happening. Thanks for all your insights!
I love this post!!! Being a professional writing major at my university, I can recognize with all aspects of it, from first drafts to relationships.
I continue to share your wisdom with my friends and housemates. They love it.
If you get the chance, please check out my blog Juxtaposition at http://emarielle.blogspot.com/ 🙂
Thank you, this was needed today. Much appreciated.
Amazing post and so well timed! I’m doing a lot of starting over in my life right now, and like the author, I’ve spent a good portion of my life resisting change, and trying to cling very hard to my first draft of everything I try rather than gracefully moving on to the next chapter in my life. I am happy to say that I am beginning to learn how to enjoy starting over.
Nice words for me today, I am fortunate to start a new job on Monday, hard to let go of the old one but I want to pave the way for the new opportunity. Namaste
LOL I do that all the time…writing in my head. I carry a little notebook in my purse so I can jot down notes. I have a pretty old school phone, but sometimes I text myself ideas, if I’m walking around without a bag. “I trust that whatever comes next will just keep the evolution of my writing happening” <~ Beautifully written!
You’re most welcome!
You’re most welcome! =)
I’m glad this is helpful to you, even if it didn’t seem that way at first! Happy weekend to you too =)
Congrats on the new job Angie!
You’re most welcome Natheena!
It’s weird how change can be both terrifying and exciting–something we both crave and fear. That’s how it’s been for me anyway. Wishing you lots of happiness in your new adventure!
I’m so glad you all enjoy the site! How fun that you interned at Hasbro. I loved the Scrabble analogy. =)
Thanks Lori ! Having just had my second child and having hit the 3rd day blues I was starting to worry I would have similar problems coping as last time. I needed the reminder that this is a time for something new. New experiences, a new journey. The past is as it is and I can choose the journey from here. Thankyou xx
How about using the word ‘different’ every time you think to use the words’ better’ or ‘worse’.
We become less judgmental and and the world becomes a kinder wiser place.
Appropriate as ever, considering I’m helping my wife move out today, ending our marriage and eleven years of happiness together. Always good timing, Lori.
even though it is not easy to let go,,some time it is the best and healthiest solution…
It’s ok to hold on to an idea or relationship. Just don’t hold so tight that you strangle it. Like a furry little kitten in the arms of a six year old kid we sometimes hold too tight. Better to let loose and watch with playful delight.
13 years for me…kind of bittersweet…because we are still great friends…but sometimes moving on is the best.
i just moved from one state to another. had to pare down what i owned to what would fit into a jeep. i am starting a new lifestyle along with my move and letting go and changing is such a good thing. thank you for your words of wisdom
Thank you for unlocking and opening a door that I built in my mind – wow, the view is clear here! As we know there’s no beginning and no end (the middle path – it’s why thinking about the beginning of time or creation is maddening so we don’t). When we “start” something it only appears that way it’s simply a continuation. When you ‘lost’ that draft it was really part of the following draft as the responses are now part of it – all connected, like all of us are. Thank you.
this seems soo true…have had a breakup 2 months back..really loved the girl..was my first relationship..and i see her daily with new people flirting as though nothing ever happened..i try my level best to forget her but it just doesnt happen..how do i let go??
What a wonderful way to be kind to people. Thanks for sharing this here. =)
Hi Abhi,
I know how hard it is to let go of a relationship. I’ve been there! I actually wrote a post last year that you might find helpful:
http://dev.tinybuddha.com/blog/how-to-let-go-of-a-past-relationship-10-steps-to-peacefully-move-on/
I hope this helps!
Much love,
Lori
Yes you’re so right! It’s funny how a shift in perspective can change everything.
You’re most welcome. Congrats on the move!
That’s wonderful you’re able to celebrate the happiness you shared and help her move out without anger or bitterness. Inspiring, really!
You’re most welcome, and congratulations on your baby!
a very timely piece, and encapsulates more eloquently what i was already thinking! having the courage to wipe the slate clean and begin again can be so difficult and so scary. but i truly believe these risks are necessary, and worth taking for they will bring about great rewards.
thanks lori!! u knw ot feels gr8 to knw that people are prsent to help…this site is such a revelation .. thanks a lot for helpin!! 🙂
You’re most welcome!
very true..i m feeling d same these days….but i know things are always for good…we just dnt realize it tht time