“If you worry about what might be, and wonder what might have been, you will ignore what is.” ~Unknown
This weekend, I devoted an extensive amount of time to writing something I’ve been struggling to complete. I wrote and rewrote so many times that it felt like more like destruction than creation, but I’ve come to realize that chaos is often the path to clarity.
There were times when I knew it could be beneficial to do something else, clear my head, and come back to it with fresh eyes, but a part of me felt this drive to push through and finish.
While eating dinner with my brother last night, I recognized I wasn’t really listening to anything he was saying. I was still thinking about my unfinished project, and somewhat sucking the joy out of it with my perfectionism. But I knew I’d be leaving Massachusetts soon, so I was wasting precious time.
Then everything went dark. The power went out on our entire street, and it stayed that way for more than two hours. Suddenly it was futile to think about writing because I simply couldn’t. All I could do was see my brother by candlelight and be there, in empty space with him. Sitting in the darkness, playing 20 questions and surrendering to the now, I felt free.
If you’re anything like me, you probably have good intentions of being present–and there are times when you are. But other times, you struggle with your mind and a nagging need for control. Mindfulness is not an easy proposition. Unwanted thoughts can easily sneak in and snowball before you realize the grip they have on you.
Sometimes we need to create our own blackouts–to imagine how we’d experience the moment if we literally couldn’t do anything about the problems we haven’t solved yet, or the memories we haven’t released yet, or the battles we haven’t prepared for yet.
Most of the time, we can’t. We just don’t want to accept it.
Any isolated moment can seem so insignificant in the grand scheme of things, but we don’t get to know when the moments will run out. Every moment is precious time. Open your eyes and see.
Photo by zeze57 the Tourist
About Lori Deschene
Lori Deschene is the founder of Tiny Buddha. She started the site after struggling with depression, bulimia, c-PTSD, and toxic shame so she could recycle her former pain into something useful and inspire others to do the same. You can find her books, including Tiny Buddha’s Gratitude Journal and Tiny Buddha’s Worry Journal, here and learn more about her eCourse, Recreate Your Life Story, if you’re ready to transform your life and become the person you want to be.
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Though I run this site, it is not mine. It's ours. It's not about me. It's about us. Your stories and your wisdom are just as meaningful as mine. 
Thank you for this, I will definitely try: Sometimes we need to create our own blackouts–to imagine how we’d experience the moment if we literally couldn’t do anything about the problems we haven’t solved yet, or the memories we haven’t released yet, or the battles we haven’t prepared for yet.
Hey Lori,
I have the same issue. I try to take 15 minutes before I go to bed to think about absolutely nothing and just enjoy being, without having thoughts run through my mind.
I don’t end up doing it as often as I like, but when I do it I feel a lot better!
Thanks for sharing!
Diggy
Thank you, this is so simple yet so profound and I still struggle with just being present.
I find when I’m listening to someone, my mind can wander….but 51% of the time, I do catch myself, and bring myself back to the Present moment, and listen…really listen. And I end up being grateful for time spent with that person..because that’s all we have..just moments in time..
Oh my, Lori
The universe talking to you loud and clear … and you heard … cool … One of my mantras: Be Here Now …
You will so love Mark Nepo’s book, The book of Awakening … I think I mentioned it to you before. You have a handle on such stuff, but I love that it is such a wonderful affirmation to my thoughts as it will be to yours.
Be well and enjoy the time in Mass 🙂
With love, Sarah Woolley
I choose not to own a cell phone despite the pressure from society and friends in large part because of this very point that you’re making in your article. Case in point, once I was waiting to meet a friend for tennis and she ended up being almost 30 minutes late. Because I didn’t have a cell phone, all I could do was sit and wait. It was so liberating. I couldn’t call her, I couldn’t call others, I couldn’t text or play Angry Birds or anything. Probably one of the most present and peaceful 30-minute blocks of time I’ve ever experienced.
That experience was spontaneous, like your power outage. I agree with you that we must create these experiences for ourselves, too. Thank you!
Peace & Passion,
Curtis
http://www.PeacefulProductivityNow.com
Thank you.
Wonderful article, Lori.
I have the same exact problem. Even though I try to be as mindful as possible, if I get stuck on a project I really want to complete, my mind to be really chaotic to try to get it done.
I guess that’s the curse of being a perfectionist, but I believe we can overcome these issues and stay more present. It’s just a constant effort is required.
Another one of those things where it’s easier said than done I suppose. 🙂
You are most welcome. =)
That’s a great practice. I try to do the same thing when I wake up. Sometimes I instinctively want to hope out of bed, open my laptop, and check my email, but I always feel so much more peaceful and centered when I resist that urge!
You are most welcome. I suspect we all struggle, at least a little. I’ve even read that some zen masters still struggle. We are all only human!
Thanks Sarah. I leave tomorrow, which is always somewhat bitter sweet, since I love both my homes. It’s been a wonderful 3-week trip!
Indeed! It’s strange how it works, but I often find that the more I try to be mindful, the less I am, because I’m essentially judging my ability or inability to be present instead of actually being in the moment. I’m a work in progress, as we all are!
You’re most welcome! How wonderful that you’ve created that space for yourself. I felt the same way about having a phone with internet access. My previous phone was fairly basic. Though I now have web access for emergency situations, I don’t have a smart phone. I know I’d be tempted to pull that out all the time if I had one. It’s nice to disconnect from technology, especially being someone who works on my computer from home.
indeed. i was also always set on achieving my goals i forget to enjoy the process…
Hi Lori,
Basically I have a “koan” that came to me one time years ago. It’s quite simple really:
“Which breath is most important?”
It’s something I apply to my life daily. Thanks for the post
Best Regards,
Dale
this is exactly what i needed to hear this week. this blog is a gem.
I liked this very much and Dale’s “koan”, too.
A truely wonderful article, and
I get as much out of the comments as well as the post itself.
Food for thought indeed
Thank you all
Love and peace
Sarah
I love this! Thanks for sharing it, Dale!
Love and peace back to you, Sarah. =)
Thank you Catherine. =)