“Pleasure can be supported by an illusion; but happiness rests upon truth.” -Sébastien-Roch Nicolas De Chamfort
So many times in life we hop from illusion to illusion.
We imagine that we’re finally getting closer to happiness, when the very fact that we’re looking for it in the future makes it unlikely we’ll experience it in the present.
We interpret what we experience based on our pasts and fears, instead of seeing people and things with fresh eyes.
We attach to ideas of right and wrong, as if things are black and white, and in doing so convince ourselves that we are somehow separate from each other–that we’re different, or superior, or inferior, or alone.
To offset the pain we create in our minds, we distract ourselves, and numb ourselves, and lie to ourselves, and guard ourselves.
We find whatever it is that soothes us, and then pretend that happiness exists in a drink, or a meal, or a pill, or a relationship.
But real happiness doesn’t exist in escaping the present; it comes from recognizing that what we really want is to stop suffocating the moment with thoughts, fears, beliefs, and opinions. What we really want is to choose our pleasures not because we’re hurting, but simply because we enjoy them.
We can view the now as a bridge to somewhere else we’d rather be, and then cling to things that help us get through it. Or we can stop telling ourselves those stories and simply be.
And even more beautifully, we can realize that we all deal with the same struggles and dramas, and if we’re willing to let them go for a while, we can simply be, together.
Here’s wishing you a weekend filled with authentic happiness–the kind that grows from inner calm and a sense of satisfaction with the moment and yourself.
Photo by Wonderlane
About Lori Deschene
Lori Deschene is the founder of Tiny Buddha. She started the site after struggling with depression, bulimia, c-PTSD, and toxic shame so she could recycle her former pain into something useful and inspire others to do the same. You can find her books, including Tiny Buddha’s Gratitude Journal and Tiny Buddha’s Worry Journal, here and learn more about her eCourse, Recreate Your Life Story, if you’re ready to transform your life and become the person you want to be.
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Though I run this site, it is not mine. It's ours. It's not about me. It's about us. Your stories and your wisdom are just as meaningful as mine. 
I loved this one. It reminds my of one of my favorite quotes:
People spend a lifetime searching for happiness; looking for peace. They chase idle dreams, addictions, religions, even other people, hoping to fill the emptiness that plagues them. The irony is the only place they ever needed to search was within.- Romana L. AndersonThe emptiness is the pain we create in our minds. True happiness comes from just living each moment as fully as we can. There’s so much beauty everywhere.
A very salient reminder to savour the joy of each moment. It reminds me of the place that so many of us visit but never leave: Someday Isle…….Someday I’ll pursue my passion, someday I’ll write a book, someday I’ll get fit. But for so many of us Someday never seems to arrive. By enjoying the moment we shine our light on those around us and radiate abundance. I hope you all have a great weekend and do a lot of what you love.
Beautiful. Just what I needed today. “Suffocating the moment with thoughts, fears” really rang true to me. The moment is just there, I can choose to simply be in it and shed all the rest of the mental clutter. Many thanks for the wonderful site.
Wising peace, ~L
My gosh this is so true. What en eye opener. I’ve never noticed I pretend to find happiness in other things, considering them a good pass time till I be what I want to be.
I’ve always imagined a brighter future for myself and that’s what keeps me going, picturing that moment in the far off future where I’ll be perfectly content with my life, like it’s impossible to be happy now with everything I don’t have, but that’s not true, I have plenty to be thankful for.
I just realized that i’ve been trying to be happy to cover a hurt instead of letting the hurt go and actually enjoying things for the joy they bring into my life. Thank you for this wonderful post!
Namaste
I’ve been working on a kind of “nano” version of this idea — my social interaction. So many phrases in your article help pinpoint aspects of what I’ve been working on.
As a shy person, when I’m in a social gathering I tend to flit from one person to the next, “escaping the present,” always a little overwhelmed with my social nervousness, definitely “suffocating the moment with thoughts, fears.”
I was at a gathering of people recently. I was in one of those casual conversations, listening, participating, but I wasn’t BEing in the conversation. I caught myself feeling that sense of “time to move on to chat with somebody else.” This time, I purposefully resisted that urge and stayed where I was. Took a long deep internal breath, said to myself “just BE.” That helped me tune in to the conversation on a different level. It became much more enjoyable, maybe for both of us. Instead of forcing a quick ending to a casual conversation, as I mostly do, I stayed with it. The chat ended more naturally, later, but in the meantime I had the opportunity of getting to know that person a little better than I would have.
“We interpret what we experience based on our our pasts and fears, instead of seeing people and things with fresh eyes.” This is my work — gradually learning to let my insecurities go and “simply be, together” with others.
Beautiful 🙂
Thanks for the little inspiration before the weekend!
S
Beautifully written, Elizabeth! Thank you for sharing this quote!
You are most welcome, Sirena!
Kate, I think you and I have a lot in common. I knew it when I read your control article, actually. I have done that very same thing–jumping from person to person in social gatherings. I realized after watching Brene Brown’s talk on vulnerability that this has been my attempt to be only partially seen.
It’s one thing to put yourself out there fully and authentically in writing, when you can review and revise to ensure you’re saying what you mean to say. It’s something entirely different to stand in front of someone, and accept that sometimes you may not communicate as clearly–and even if you do, you may still be judged. I’ve spent a lot of time trying to control situations in which I may be judged.
I’ve challenged myself to stop focusing so much on how people may be perceiving me, and focus instead on giving them by full attention. I find that when I am less fixated on controlling other people’s perceptions, I suddenly feel more connected to them. It takes away all the mental drama and allows me to simply be, with them.
You are most welcome! I could relate to everything you wrote, and I’m so happy that what I wrote helped you develop a new insight about yourself. Namaste. =)
You are most welcome, Lisa. Wishing you peace, as well!
I love that–“Someday Isle.” I know that place very well! I far prefer in “Today Isle.” =)
Yes! “…this has been my attempt to be only partially seen.” Excellent analysis, spot-on.
Like you, Lori, I finally discovered that when I focus conversation on the other person — asking them questions about themselves, reflecting on their life with them, complimenting their efforts, appearance, whatever — it makes me forget my insecurities and also helps the other person enjoy the conversation more. I especially noticed this when I had a partner who was in theater. Without prejudice toward “theater people”, I did notice that most of them thrive on talking about themselves. It was a perfect learning ground for me, socially. Plus, when I got to know more of them better, I found that they, though apparently extroverts, are pretty much just as insecure as I am. So I guess there’s a distinct difference between extroverted insecure people and introverted insecure people. The first group talk about themselves to cover up their insecurities; the second (like me) prefer “to be only partially seen.”
[…] Tiny Wisdom: On What We Really Want “Real happiness doesn’t exist in escaping the present; it comes from recognizing that what we really want is to stop suffocating the moment with thoughts, fears, beliefs, and opinions. What we really want is to choose our pleasures not because we’re hurting, but simply because we enjoy them.” [Tiny Buddha] […]
Great post. to “simply be” is a wonderful thing. Thanks.
“I’ve challenged myself to stop focusing so much on how people may be perceiving me, and focus instead on giving them by full attention. I find that when I am less fixated on controlling other people’s perceptions, I suddenly feel more connected to them. It takes away all the mental drama and allows me to simply be, with them.”
This is a great reminder!
I fear that in my past I’ve focused too much on controlling other people’s perceptions and attempting to manipulate their actions towards me (to be able to get my fix of external validation) to have truly authentic friendships. I’ve been learning to let this go and just be in the moment with people as the moment happens.
You’re most welcome. =)
What you say here is so true. Meditation techniques help us to come to the present moment and when we make a consistent practice then the reminder to BE in the present moment comes to us more often. Allowing the mind to take us to the future and the past is a difficult habit to break but the good news is it can be done. I recommend finding meditation techniques that you like and enjoy and including them in a daily practice. Then habits that don’t serve us become easier to break. The laughter meditation is one of my favorites.
Yes, that’s exactly what I have done, as well! It’s so freeing to let that go. Somehow knowing that other people have felt the same is tremendously helpful!
I actually haven’t tried laughter meditation, but it sounds right up my alley! Thanks for the suggestion. =)
I really like this. Thanks for sharing this,
You’re welcome. =)
You can’t ignore the future altogether. It’s just another matter of balance.