“If you wish to experience peace, provide peace for another.” -Dalai Lama
Most of the time when I feel overwhelmed, stressed, frustrated, or angry, it’s because I’m obsessing about my circumstances–everything that feels unfair or insurmountable and all the ways I feel powerless to change them.
In this state of mind, I inevitably stress other people out, whether I talk about my challenges or not.
It’s there, spoken or unsaid. It gets in the way of my ability to really be present with the people I love, and it affects their state of mind.
I’ve realized that the surest path to feeling more peace is recognizing when I’m challenging other people’s–when I’m drowning my interactions with my personal struggles instead of creating a positive space for myself and the people I encounter.
We’ll always have problems in life, and if we’re not careful, they can suffocate our relationships.
Today if you feel burdened by your struggles, realize that stressing won’t create solutions–it will just create more problems, for you and others.
The alternative is to breathe–to value collective peace in the present more than individual control over the future. Ironically, this often makes it a lot easier to identify solutions.
Photo by Wonderlane
About Lori Deschene
Lori Deschene is the founder of Tiny Buddha. She started the site after struggling with depression, bulimia, c-PTSD, and toxic shame so she could recycle her former pain into something useful and inspire others to do the same. You can find her books, including Tiny Buddha’s Gratitude Journal and Tiny Buddha’s Worry Journal, here and learn more about her eCourse, Recreate Your Life Story, if you’re ready to transform your life and become the person you want to be.
- Web |
- More Posts
Though I run this site, it is not mine. It's ours. It's not about me. It's about us. Your stories and your wisdom are just as meaningful as mine. 
Just what i needed to hear this morning. Thanks.
I agree ‘Mindfulsearcher.’ I was having this problem yesterday and this article was perfect. Thank-you Lori!
You are most welcome. =)
Right on, Lori. When I’m all stressed out internally, I know I’m a drag to be with.
I’m working at re-framing my relationship to “problems.” I’m working at seeing every “choice point” or every “decision point” in my day as a “problem” — with some “choice-problems” being very challenging (such as “shall I stay in this relationship?” or “what am I gonna do, now that I got laid off without any savings?”) and other “decision-problems” being very easy to “problem-solve” (such as “should I have eggs or cereal for breakfast?” or “should I hit the snooze button and sleep another 5 minutes or get up right now?”) This re-frame is really helping to minimize the stress in my life. I even woke up this morning with the title of my class at Tom’s University today: “Love Your Problems”.
Wish you the best,
Tom
[…] Buddha has some wondrous wisdom to share about peace – yours and […]