“Integrity is telling myself the truth. And honesty is telling the truth to other people.” -Spencer Johnson
Only you know if you’ve been lying to yourself. Other people may think they know what’s going on in your head and what’s right for you. But only you know what you need to do and whether or not you’re doing it.
Only you know what you believe and whether or not you’re honoring it.
Only you know what your values are and whether or not you’re upholding them.
Only you know if you’re projecting onto other people to avoid taking responsibility for your own life.
And only you can decide to get brave, stop lying, and start being the person you know you want to be–in thoughts, words, and actions.
Have you been lying to yourself–and is it time to start creating happiness in the way that only you can?
Photo by harmonicagoldfish
About Lori Deschene
Lori Deschene is the founder of Tiny Buddha. She started the site after struggling with depression, bulimia, c-PTSD, and toxic shame so she could recycle her former pain into something useful and inspire others to do the same. You can find her books, including Tiny Buddha’s Gratitude Journal and Tiny Buddha’s Worry Journal, here and learn more about her eCourse, Recreate Your Life Story, if you’re ready to transform your life and become the person you want to be.
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Though I run this site, it is not mine. It's ours. It's not about me. It's about us. Your stories and your wisdom are just as meaningful as mine. 
It’s not easy to face the truth but I try to do it as much as possible. I think the world, more than ever, is in denial. It’s easy to just pretend but I don’t want the truth to smack me in the face out of nowhere. I want to be aware.
I have heard it said that integrity is honesty when no one is looking.
I am looking to living more in the present and see if I can bem more honest with myself.
This is exactly what I needed right now. Thank you so much Lori for everything you do. It has been a blessing to find your site
Another definition of integrity that I like is: when what I think, say, and do are nearly the same then I am living with integrity. My thoughts, speech, and actions are integrated.
[…] Spencer Johnson: Integrity is telling myself the truth. And honesty is telling the truth to other people. (hat tip: TinyBuddha) […]
You’re most welcome Jon. I’m so glad the site has been helpful to you, and I appreciate the kind words!
Yes I know exactly what you mean. Truths have a way of piling up if we don’t consistently check in with ourselves and assess what’s true for us and what we need to do about it.
Well put!
I actually had a heart to heart with an old friend last night and we both put it all out on the table. It was very liberating.
So sez the Buddha: ‘Though one conquers in battle thousand times thousand men, yet he is the greatest conqueror who conquers himself.’ What else could this mean but true self-mastery? Comand of oneself is key to honoring all that is. Consequently, it also is realized that one makes ones own prizon thru unbridled obssesive passions of materialism.
Mastery of the self (mind) is KEY to ones evolution … & joy.
As life divinely self-governed, aware & awake, dwell in the innermost depths of one’s Mind. Know most intimately what true peace of Mind actually means.
A Footnote: For all tiny BUDDHA’S … It is indeed an esteemed privilege to share this Mo-ment with YOU.
I have been a perpetual liar. I didn’t know but still knew, hope you understand what I am saying. I lost someone really important in my life and it changed everything. I have stopped lying like I did before, apart from the white lies, there is no lie that I tell my closed ones like I used to. The root cause of it was the fears underlying, I was afraid to find out the truths about myself. I still do that when I am thinking a lot, while analyzing myself, I try to find the answer which soothes me, that matches how I want myself to be, but that’s not correct, why can’t I free my mind sometimes and be totally true to myself? I don’t want to be afraid, why am I?
I think this is a challenge for everyone. They say the number one fear is fear of rejection–even above fear of dying! What has helped me is to think about life as a ratio. So it’s not a matter of always being 100% true to myself–it’s about learning to do it more often than not. We’re imperfect people. It’s just part of being human. There’s something really freeing about accepting that and allowing ourselves a little room to err!
Thank you Lori. I am feeling better. ” It’s about learning to do it more often than not.” – I’ll always remember this.
The quotes collection is wonderful. This site has given me the inspiration I need. I have already bookmarked this website and it’ll always stay with me. Thanks again. :’)
Thank YOU!!
You are most welcome. =)
Hi Lori ….
I have a simple query on a complex matter – my daughter is my life, she is 5 years and does not speak yet. She might get it in future but I drag myself in my life with all anxieties of uncertainties. Does Buddha shows a way forward as a solution to this problem?
Hi Pat,
I’m sorry to hear about your daughter not talking yet. Unfortunately, I don’t really know much about childhood development. It may help to ask the Tiny Buddha community in the parenting forums. If you’re not yet a member, you can create a free account here:
http://dev.tinybuddha.com/register
And then access the parenting forum here:
http://dev.tinybuddha.com/forum/parenting/
I hope this helps!
Lori
Hi Lori I love what you wrote here. I have had a long ten years letting go of my childhood abused self and opening myself up to a world of ‘my choice’ and it has been an empowering experience that has changed my life and opened me up for lots of love. I have a friend I would like some advice about, can I send you an email? Its kind of personal and I have checked the forums, its a bit specific, if you have the time that would be great, I am not sure how all this works. 🙂
I’m glad this was helpful to you, Melanie! I’ve been a little overwhelmed by emails asking for advice, but I’m happy to share some thoughts here, if you’d like to elaborate on the issue. Or, if you post in the relationship section of the forums, I’m sure you’ll get some helpful feedback from other community members. I’m always amazed by the time and effort people put into helping each other there!
Hi Lori,
I am a complete fraud! For most of my life I’ve always lied, connived and cheated to get through things. When I look back on my life the only thing I know for sure is that I’ve made an entire life on making other people believe that I am something I’m not. I don’t even think that I really know who I am at this point. It’s hard to think of one thing in my life that I have that is genuine and true and honest. I am afraid everyday that I’ll be found out, by my family, co-workers even strangers. I’ve been afraid everyday of my life, even as a child I can remember not wanting any confrontation or anything for fear of being hurt or being embarrassed. I come from a place where daily violence was a regular occurrence and the other children weren’t afraid to be apart of the violence, or at least they didn’t appear to be. But I was always afraid, never wanting to engage anyone about anything and because of that I was bullied for the better part of my childhood and young adult stage. It’s affected my relationship with women, friends and family. Being afraid and not being able to tell anyone about it for fear of rejection. My parents divorced when I was 3 so I had my mother, and after my mom remarried, I had a step father and I also have two older siblings. I know my biological father but he was never a solid foundation in my or my older siblings lives. Now I have a family of my own, a wife and two little girls and I feel like I’ve dragged them into this life of lies that i continue to perpetuate. I love them and want to be a better person for them but I don’t know where to start. they are completely depended on me from everything from finances to protection and I feel like I can’t really keep up this lie or it’s going to tear me apart. I’m so lost at this point I can’t really think in a positive direction. If I’m not this person whom I pretend to be, than who am I? How do i stop being the person that I’ve been pretending to be for the better part of four decades? I don’t even know why i’m up at 1am posting on this site. I just thought that if i typed it up and looked at it it would make it real and I wouldn’t have to lie in my head anymore. I don’t want to make excuses anymore. I want to be better. better for my children, my wife, my family and for myself. I just need to know where to start.