“Until you make peace with who you are, you will never be content with what you have.” -Doris Mortman
When I was a little girl, before I learned to question myself or my abilities, I decided that one day I would have it all.
I imagined I’d be a famous actress, I’d marry the man of my dreams, and we’d have and adopt lots of children that we’d take around the world, à la Brad and Angelina.
As I got older and allowed my failures to chisel away at my self-confidence, I slowly stopped believing I could have anything I wanted, let alone “it all.” As my self-worth decreased, my drive increased to compensate.
It was a horrible catch 22. I strove for greatness because I felt so inadequate, yet because I didn’t believe in myself, it was nearly impossible to accomplish anything. If I did achieve something, it felt wholly unsatisfying because I was too busy dreaming of “it all” to appreciate and enjoy its parts.
There are still days when I catch myself running like a chicken with its head cut off, trying to mold reality into a fantasy. That’s when I remember what that starry-eyed little girl hadn’t yet learned: I don’t want it all. I want to believe that I already possess all that I need to be happy.
I do. We all do.
We just forget sometimes, when we get so wrapped up in what we want that we forget to give ourselves what we need, both for our minds and bodies.
Happiness and self-love are moment-to-moment choices. There will inevitably be times when we don’t make them. The beautiful thing is that every moment is a new opportunity to choose again. Every moment is a chance to apply what we’ve learned.
Maybe not all of it all at once. Maybe that’s okay. We don’t need to have it all. We don’t need to do it all. We don’t need to be it all. We just need to have the courage to do what we can, and be happy with that.
Photo by Chez Casver
About Lori Deschene
Lori Deschene is the founder of Tiny Buddha. She started the site after struggling with depression, bulimia, c-PTSD, and toxic shame so she could recycle her former pain into something useful and inspire others to do the same. You can find her books, including Tiny Buddha’s Gratitude Journal and Tiny Buddha’s Worry Journal, here and learn more about her eCourse, Recreate Your Life Story, if you’re ready to transform your life and become the person you want to be.
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Though I run this site, it is not mine. It's ours. It's not about me. It's about us. Your stories and your wisdom are just as meaningful as mine. 
My mantra these days is: All I have is All I need. Always works out that way.
b
this is lovely. thanks for the reminder
Striving not to Strive
Bravo!
Bravo!
You can’t go beyond what you truly are. Know yourself and be it.
Really lovely, Lori! Thank you for sharing, sharing, sharing.
Thanks Molly. You’re most welcome. =)
You’re welcome. Thanks for reading and commenting =)
Beautiful. =)
As a frequent member of the “I’ll be happy when …” club this post was a good read for me – thanks. Like “I’ll be happy when I get that new job” or “I’ll be happy when I find that special relationship”, etc.
“Happiness and self-love are moment-to-moment choices.” This reminded me I have everything I need to be happy now, not dependent on some hoped for change of circumstances.
Read this on a day I truly needed to hear it. Thank you for the reminder..”every moment is an opportunity to choose again” whether its a wrong we did or a thought..thank you
🙂
great choice today:) but then it always is:) thanks again the sweet nudges:)
You are most welcome, Kate. I hope you had a great Monday!
It’s always very comforting for me to remember that, Sue. That at any moment, I can let go and “start over” from right where I stand. I’m this post was helpful to you. =)
I was practically the president of that club! It’s tempting to pop in there every now and then. It really helps to have these conversations–both to start them and participate in them.
True to it’s very word!
Every time I think this, feels like a moment lost!
It is very imp to understand and be happy with what you have and make the future better with this happiness!
That’s the way to go!
For me, my wife made me realise and the angel is she!!!
I love what you wrote about making the future better with your happiness. I think we sometimes think that we need to push ahead through dissatisfaction, but it makes perfect sense that it takes joy to create joy!
This is true. I had a similar experience (and it still repeats). Wanting business ‘success’ so IT would make me happy. Basing my OKness on some future notion of ‘success’.
All the time not relalising this was reinforcing the (false) belief I am not completely OK as I am here and now. Thank you again for the reminder!
And I love the experience of being able to start again, fresh, every moment. That is cool!
You are most welcome. I hope you’re having a wonderful Saturday. =)
beautiful.
Thank You. Thank You. I say this too my sons all the time, Live in the moment, but I don’t practice what I preach. Thank You for the reminder.
I will live in this Moment right NOW.
I was raised as most people were, with the message that it was important to “make something” of myself or my life. As though life in and of itself wasnt enough.
The implicit presumption was that things and I are not actually OK how they are (in fact I was born that way – OK). Something (me) needed to be fixed.
My parents were raised in the same way and all around me that message is lived.
It is beautiful that you are giving and modelling an alternative message to your sons. It is SO important.
You’re beautiful
I agree. people today think being content is a bad thing, as if you are settling n considered not happy..
we are.living in an over achieving world where our resumes must add on top of our jobs A side business, a blog, Twitter and professional phototgraphy as a hobby whilst creating culinary masterpieces. I think its great but could be unhealthy perhaps its more to impress people or to mask their pain n insecurities by remaining busy .. its much harder to sit in silent mediation than to listen to your thought s if you aren’t truly happy.