“Kites rise highest against the wind, not with it.” –Winston Churchill
Have you ever purposely chosen to do something you felt resistant to doing? I do this occasionally because I recognize I sometimes limit myself by being inflexible.
I can be a creature of habit, particularly when it comes to situations that make me feel in control.
For example, I have one specific spot where I like to sit when I work in the Starbucks near my apartment. It’s right by the window and sufficiently removed from the chaos of the line.
It’s the best lit spot, and it’s both private and ideal for people-watching, since I can see the entire room and the passersby outside. When this seat is taken, I sometimes feel hesitant to stay.
Yet I consistently make myself sit and work wherever there is open space, despite my instinct to leave, because this is a mini test in acceptance—and there are many areas of my life where my controlling instinct affects far more than where I work.
Every time I simply sit wherever there’s space, instead of indulging black and white thinking, I release my rigid grip on the ideal and get better at accepting and making the best of what’s in front of me.
Not everyone deals with my control issues, but we all have areas where we limit ourselves in life.
Maybe you avoid certain situations if you think you’ll have to wait because you know you get impatient. Or maybe you steer clear of events where you’d meet new people because you know you’ll feel vulnerable or awkward.
If you don’t feel the desire to improve in these areas of your life, then by all means do what you always do. But if a part of you wants to feel less limited, you can likely find abundant opportunities to practice doing things differently.
Life presents us with countless mini tests if we’re willing to take them. Each one is an opportunity to let go of the way we usually react and embrace a new way of being.
Today I challenge my instinct to be rigid and controlling. What test will you accept today?
Photo by Ton Haex
About Lori Deschene
Lori Deschene is the founder of Tiny Buddha. She started the site after struggling with depression, bulimia, c-PTSD, and toxic shame so she could recycle her former pain into something useful and inspire others to do the same. You can find her books, including Tiny Buddha’s Gratitude Journal and Tiny Buddha’s Worry Journal, here and learn more about her eCourse, Recreate Your Life Story, if you’re ready to transform your life and become the person you want to be.
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Though I run this site, it is not mine. It's ours. It's not about me. It's about us. Your stories and your wisdom are just as meaningful as mine. 
Hi Lori,
I know exactly what you’re talking about, as I too am a creature of habit. I’ve caught myself becoming annoyed when there is a detour for whatever reason that causes me to alter my usual drive to work. It’s just so silly, but it’s my automatic response. I also like to do some things I’m reluctant to do in order to get “unstuck.” I tend to have a routine, but I’m getting better at having a routine without being rigid. Life is much more enjoyable that way!
Best,
Sal
I love this idea of “mini tests” to practice flexibility. Think I do so this sometimes but your post encouraged me to be more aware of it’s practice and benefit. Plan to pass this post along to a few of my like minded friends. Thank you for Tiny Buddha, and especially the application of content to help engage in everyday life.
One of the ways I deal with this is by reminding myself that I am on the world’s schedule. It is not on mine. Sometimes it’s easier said than done if you’re late for a timed event. But it helps in life’s daily challenges.
I really like this idea of practicing on small stretches outside one’s comfort zone(s).
I’m reminded of a phrase I first encountered in Brene Brown’s “Wholeheartedness” TEDxHouston talk, in which she emphasized the importance of being willing to lean into the discomfort.
My current stretch is grading final exams taken by my university students. I am generally uncomfortable in rendering judgments on others or their work, and I am given a quarterly opportunity to lean into this discomfort.
i stumbled your essay. i use these ideas and i also remember that i don’t ignore the patterns i’ve previously built for myself myself, i.e., challenges to express our creativity are enabled by our structures which create the order on which our creativity appears.
You’re most welcome Lila! I love the idea of finding little tests in everyday life, because I think it prepares me well for the bigger challenges. I’m glad this resonated with you. =)
That’s a good point Charles! I think it’s all about balance–allowing ourselves to create the ideal conditions for creativity, but also being flexible so that we’re not limited by what’s ideal.
I’m a huge fan of Brene Brown. Her talk about shame really moved and inspired me. Thank you for sharing her other video here!
What a wonderful opportunity to stretch into your discomfort. I’m also not a fan of rendering judgments, which sometimes makes it challenging for me to suggest changes to guest posts on this site, but I know that I can help people share their stories and insights more effectively when I lean into that discomfort.
That’s a great way to look at things. Any time you let go of control it feels so liberating…at least it does for me!
I’ve had that same reaction to detours–even when they don’t really add too much time to my drive! My boyfriend is someone who really emphasizes the power of flexibility, and I find I’ve embraced it all the more since meeting him. I cause myself a lot less stress and a lot more enjoyment when I go with the flow!
🙂
To me, the challenge is to be less rigid as well. I am starting to learn to go with the flow more often than against the flow. At the same time, I am also learning to be more willing to act despite feeling discomfort or inconvenience. I guess through this challenge, I will be able to grow even further.
It sounds like we have a lot in common!