“A person’s world is only as big as their heart.” -Tanya A. Moore
Last week, I wrote about John Robbins, who presented at Bonfire Heights. He and his son Ocean shared a number of stores about loving fully and unconditionally. Sitting in the audience at their presentation felt like participating in a massive, 45-minute group hug. They were just that openhearted–and the audience that receptive.
This got me thinking about my capacity for vulnerability. Though I write a lot about the benefits of being open, I’ve noticed I have a limit, so to speak–a point at which I inevitably shut down a little.
For example, if I’ve spent an afternoon baring my soul to someone or a group of people, I retreat into myself afterward, almost as if to regenerate after giving away so much of myself.
I’ve learned it’s healthy to spend time alone and turn within. But as a former hermit, I try to recognize patterns that lead me to shut people out, as this can create walls where they would otherwise be opportunities to give and receive love.
I suspect we all shut down from to time, particularly when we feel emotionally raw and exposed. But the minute we close ourselves off from other people may be two minutes before a life-changing connection or experience.
So I propose a challenge, for me and for you: keep your heart open a little longer than you’re tempted to today. Stay accessible, for even just a few minutes more than you ordinarily would. Keep engaging, even if you’ve shared a lot. Keep listening, even if you’ve heard a lot. Let yourself linger in that vulnerably open place.
Sometimes we learn and gain the most from the moments that are the most uncomfortable.
Photo by angrylambie1
About Lori Deschene
Lori Deschene is the founder of Tiny Buddha. She started the site after struggling with depression, bulimia, c-PTSD, and toxic shame so she could recycle her former pain into something useful and inspire others to do the same. You can find her books, including Tiny Buddha’s Gratitude Journal and Tiny Buddha’s Worry Journal, here and learn more about her eCourse, Recreate Your Life Story, if you’re ready to transform your life and become the person you want to be.
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Though I run this site, it is not mine. It's ours. It's not about me. It's about us. Your stories and your wisdom are just as meaningful as mine. 
beautiful, and so true, thank you!!!
Hi Lori! I work on opening my heart all the time. I agree that it’s possible to be open but then shut down again. I like this challenge to try staying open longer. Ultimately it would be great to just stay open, wouldn’t it?
I tend to be a bit protective of my heart and need to remind myself about this lesson. Thanks Lori.
b
cheers I loved this post I have the same feeling and sure being more accessible should help will just try…
For me, when I’m with other, I’ll try to be really there, engaged and listen. But when I need to be alone, then I’ll leave.
Both are equally important, to open the heart for others as well as for myself.
My concern is that sometimes when you share too much with certain people, they hold it against you later…
Perfect timing to read this post. I struggle with vulnerablility too! I could give everything to kids, but the moment I get near adults, I clam up. I am taking your challenge today!
they can and sometimes do, but then sometimes you open up and help someone else with their struggle and it is such a blessing to open up and share that you overlook the people that dont get it or take advantage, because the ones you help by opening up and sharing are so worth it!
I know what you mean! I instinctively feel a lot more trusting around children. This is something I still work at. I’m glad you joined me in this challenge today. =)
Yes, I second what Mary said. I think this will always be a challenge. There will inevitably be times when people aren’t kind and compassionate, but I find shutting myself down hurts far more–and for far longer–than the occasional sting of someone’s betrayal.
I’m glad you could relate and that you enjoyed this post! It’s always so reassuring to initiate these conversations and realize everyone deals with the same things.
You’re welcome, Barbara. I know that instinct well!
Indeed it would be! I thought about this while watching the Robbins’ speak. I wondered if they’re always open. It sure seemed that way, but I suspect it’s human nature to shut down a little from time to time.
You are most welcome!
I like this suggestion very much. I’m familiar with the feeling of having given a lot of myself away, and at times I’ve had a sense of actually giving too much away. I’ve come to believe that was because I wasn’t self-nurturing enough and was leaving myself with few resources. Now that I’m paying more attention to my self-care, I feel I can try indeed leaving my heart open a little longer at times as you describe. Thank you.
This is a call to empty our cups to receive more from the universe. Like a little building his sand castle at the beach; each time he empties his pail of water, he will go back for more to build his dream castle. Every pail from the universal fountain of the sea contains something different. It is not just sea water but sea water with different treasures within. So it for us to bare our souls a little longer for something different from the universe.
Just the right time for this, as I struggle with living on the raw edge of emotion recently, a heart that I worked to open and sometimes I feel as if it cannot close any more, even to protect. I feel so as if I need protection, as if it becomes too much, just too, too much, and then, yes, I feel the desire and tendency to retreat, to spin a shell, even a thin and brittle one. It is not working well, but I guess it does work, outwardly at least, a little. And for that I feel sad. But I do think there has to be balance, because what of the heart that is being bled to death by being left too open? Can there be too open? Or too much one way–too much out open and too little in open?
Thanks for this piece.
Thank you, that is so true.
You are most welcome!