“When you live on a round planet, there’s no choosing sides.” -Wayne Dyer
I’ve read a lot of articles about achieving your dreams and creating the life you want. There is a common message that always creates a disconnect in me: Many otherwise empowering articles lose me when the authors suggest we should “tune out our haters.”
This seems to imply that there are people out there who want us to fail–who purposely act hateful with the intention of pulling us down.
I know the world is a lot simpler when we view things in black and white terms–good and bad; right and wrong; for us and against us. But labels can hurt us far more than they people to whom we assign them because they generally come from fear. Fear keeps us from seeing things as they really are. Very little is as it seems.
Some people may seem to be purposefully hurtful, but in all reality, they’re dealing with their own struggles and insecurities, and that translates as a lack of support. Some people may seem to be negative or judgmental, but in all likelihood, they’re simply trying to help you see things from a different perspective.
This doesn’t mean that people always have good intentions; it just means far fewer have poor intentions than we think.
It might be a lot quicker and simpler to put people into narrow little boxes. It certainly takes a lot less energy to assume certain people are on your side and certain people aren’t.
But we end up seeing people as enemies and allies instead of realizing we’re all on the same team. It is possible to tune out words that don’t serve us without labeling the people who speak them as bad and assuming they want us to fail.
This leaves us with a choice: We can shut other people, assuming they’re not on our side; or we can break down a wall by trying to see where they’re coming from, so that sides no longer exist. The world becomes a far more understanding and supportive place when we choose to be understanding and supportive.
Photo by igb
About Lori Deschene
Lori Deschene is the founder of Tiny Buddha. She started the site after struggling with depression, bulimia, c-PTSD, and toxic shame so she could recycle her former pain into something useful and inspire others do the same. She recently created the Breaking Barriers to Self-Care eCourse to help people overcome internal blocks to meeting their needs—so they can feel their best, be their best, and live their best possible life. If you’re ready to start thriving instead of merely surviving, you can learn more and get instant access here.
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