“Enjoy when you can, and endure when you must.” -Goethe
This weekend, I attended the Wanderlust Yoga & Music Festival where I gave a presentation on Saturday afternoon. That evening, my friend and I went to the Girl Talk concert. In case you’re not familiar, Girl Talk is a musician specializing in mash-ups.
Within five minutes of getting there, we folded ourselves into a crowded, rave-like environment, complete with frantic dancing, pushing, and claustrophobia-inducing chaos. Surrounded by smoke and free-spirited joy, I felt a deep sense of inner conflict.
I wanted to want to be there–to be the kind of person who gets so lost in the music and movement that personal space becomes unnecessary. But a larger part of me wanted to be somewhere removed, where I could still hear, but with full range of motion, pristine air, and less potential for beer-spilling on my flip-flops.
Essentially, I wanted to enjoy an experience that I plain and simply didn’t, and I neglected to vocalize this for at least an hour. Ironically, I had just read something about this in the book The Happiness Project, and yet I still felt like I should want to be there, because my friend seemed to enjoy it, and also because I didn’t want to somehow miss out.
Perhaps you can relate. Maybe you’ve tried to force yourself to like classic literature for a book club, despite preferring self-help books. Or maybe you’ve pushed yourself to go to happy hour with your friends, even though it means sacrificing time you’d rather spend on a passion.
The constant: you think that you should like something, and as a result, ignore your instincts when it comes to allocating your time.
We only get so many hours in a day. While there’s something to be said for trying new things and being social, we open ourselves up to far more happiness if we honor what we actually love and acknowledge the things we don’t.
Today if you feel tempted to say yes to something you don’t really want to do, ask yourself: What would I enjoy more? And what’s stopping me from doing that?
Photo by jeet_sen
About Lori Deschene
Lori Deschene is the founder of Tiny Buddha. She started the site after struggling with depression, bulimia, c-PTSD, and toxic shame so she could recycle her former pain into something useful and inspire others to do the same. You can find her books, including Tiny Buddha’s Gratitude Journal and Tiny Buddha’s Worry Journal, here and learn more about her eCourse, Recreate Your Life Story, if you’re ready to transform your life and become the person you want to be.
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Though I run this site, it is not mine. It's ours. It's not about me. It's about us. Your stories and your wisdom are just as meaningful as mine. 
very nice…..
This happens to me often – a great reminder to speak up! Also, I went to a Girl Talk concert recently, and had the same expirence…I wanted to enjoy the chaos, but I had more fun in the back where I didn’t get elbowed every five minutes!
Learning to know what you truly like and then doing it ~ excellent! I’m a huge fan of both the Happiness Project and Tiny Buddha, and I’m working on making good choices by asking the right questions. Your closing is the perfect way to zero in on this by asking “What would I enjoy more? And what’s stopping me from doing that?” … thanks! :~D
Oh thank you. I sooooo love this post. So simple, yet so easy to forget/ignore. Thanks for the splendid reminder.
Thank you for this!!! To explain why this means so much to me would take volumes, just know it is greatly appreciated…
A.
I love how timely things work out. I needed to read this today. Thanks for posting.
Usually we find nothing is stopping us from doing that more enjoyable thing, and this makes your words ever more important. Thank you x
I have read the happiness project as well and can really relate to this.We all get caught up in what we think we “should” be like. But it’s not who we are and does not make our lives better trying to force ourselves to like something we just don’t get any enjoyment out of. Life is too short!
This is such a great personal example! I could really resonate with the inner conflict you felt. This is the key though, isn’t it: “…if we honor what we actually love and acknowledge the things we don’t.” I appreciate this reminder so much.
You’re most welcome! I have been meaning to read this book for a long time, and I finally got around to it. It’s been really eye-opening!
I’m glad this resonated with you, Sandra!
You’re most welcome. =)
You’re welcome–I’m glad this came at a good time for you!
You’re welcome, A =)
Yes, me too! Great music–but I enjoy it more sans crowding.
Hi Lori
Thank you for your post, I like it
Although what caught my attention was ‘ I neglected to vocalise this for at least an hour’ , I can’t tell you how many times I wanted to say something but I didn’t , either out of curticy or being polite or simply because I don’t wanna look like the whiny type
How can I speak my mind without being afraid from the concequences?
Thanks for this post Lori – this is a question that I need to be asking myself more in life on a daily basis. Imagine if we all did and we ended up only doing things we enjoyed? Some things I do out of obligation or commitment but even if I’m not thrilled about it, I try to ask what possibly could I learn from this experience.
Thanks for this post Lori – this is a question that I need to be asking myself more in life on a daily basis. Imagine if we all did and we ended up only doing things we enjoyed? Some things I do out of obligation or commitment but even if I’m not thrilled about it, I try to ask what possibly could I learn from this experience.
I know what you mean. There are certain things I do out of obligation or commitment, and I generally make it a point to follow through because, as much as I want to enjoy myself, I also want to be there for other people. There’s usually something to enjoy in even the least ideal situations. Still, I try to honor my actual interests as often as I can, and I find it makes a big difference in my overall life satisfaction!
I know what you mean–I’ve been there before! What’s helped me is to weigh the consequences of saying something over not saying something. Odds are, if I DON’T say something when I really want to, I will feel uncomfortable, frustrated, and annoyed with myself. If I DO say something, generally, my friends will understand; and if they don’t, perhaps that tells me something about whether or not they’re really my friends. It’s not always comfortable to speak up, but sometimes short-term discomfort helps me feel better about myself in the long-run. That’s my take on it, anyway!
Indeed! “The days are long, but the years are short.” I loved that.