“In this world of change, nothing which comes stays, and nothing which goes is lost.” -Anne Sophie Swetchine
Get posts like this one delivered to your inbox and be entered to win the 2026 Tiny Buddha calendar!I used to make a wish whenever it turned 11:11. It was something I started doing with friends in high school, and I kept doing it in college, a time when I depended on magical thinking to get me through difficult days.
I remember when my first long-term relationship ended, after three tumultuous years. I felt like I lost a part of me—the best part, to be more specific. My saving grace was the hope that we’d eventually get back together, if only I never gave up.
Night after night, at 11:11, I’d wish that he’d come back. I don’t know if I really believed this would influence what happened, but it made me feel a little less powerless. Ironically, every time I expressed this longing, it was like adding another two-ton link to the chain that kept me stuck.
One night, out of nowhere, I wished for happiness instead.
While I recognize that wishing for happiness and creating it are two different things, this was an epiphany for me. Suddenly, I realized that what I really wanted wasn’t my old relationship. I wanted to feel good, and until that moment I assumed I needed to be in that relationship to do that.
I thought I’d lost my chance. I hadn’t—I just lost that one possibility.
There’s something incredibly empowering about realizing that what we really want doesn’t require us to cling to specific people and things—that we can experience the feelings we want over and over again in different relationships and circumstances.
Suddenly, the world seems more expansive and individual losses seem less catastrophic, because we know that no matter what, all is not lost. We can and will feel happy again.
Instinctively, we are going to get comfortable with the people and situations we love. And we’re going to want to fight for them. That’s not necessarily a bad thing. It keeps us passionately committed to who and what we believe matters.
But loss is undeniable part of life. Embracing that means realizing that every time we let go, we make room for something else. All is never lost.
Photo by mbstock
About Lori Deschene
Lori Deschene is the founder of Tiny Buddha. She started the site after struggling with depression, bulimia, c-PTSD, and toxic shame so she could recycle her former pain into something useful and inspire others to do the same. You can find her books, including Tiny Buddha’s Gratitude Journal and Tiny Buddha’s Worry Journal, here and learn more about her eCourse, Recreate Your Life Story, if you’re ready to transform your life and become the person you want to be.
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Though I run this site, it is not mine. It's ours. It's not about me. It's about us. Your stories and your wisdom are just as meaningful as mine. 
[…] All Is Never Lost Suddenly, I realized that what I really wanted wasn’t my old relationship. I wanted to feel good, and until that moment I assumed I needed to be in that relationship to do that. […]
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just what i needed : ) thanx
This post is spot on! Thanks so much for this website. It has helped me and so many of my friends get through the wackiness of our lives.
I have always been surprised at how relevant these posts seem to my own life, but this one goes even farther. I left home this morning thinking that nothing could get me out of this funk today, and although I still have a lot on my mind, this post definitely gave me a push to think about the situation differently instead of letting it consume me. Your words are always greatly appreciated.
Beautiful. Appropriate. Thank you.
I had that exact same experience in college!
You’re welcome Taz =)
That’s wonderful! I’m so glad the site has helped you. =)
You’re most welcome, Brittany. I hope your Wednesday is going well. =)
Looks like we are kindred spirits. =)
This is probably a weird question, but do you think there’s ever an advantage in acknowledging that all really *is* lost, so you can accept absolute freedom and start rebuilding. I’m not trolling, just very very new to all of this.
Maybe if we wish at 11:11 on 11/11/11 it will come true… 🙂 Great post, I really enjoyed it.
Scot, Lori’s post yesterday was about exactly that idea – that often we think that by somehow admitting and giving in to a needed change that we are losing a part of ourselves but the opposite is true. Check out yesterday’s post and see if you agree with her. I know I shared it with another friend at lunch and it helped both of us understand why we keep having the same “karma” on certain subjects because of a fundamental lack of wanting to change ourselves deep inside.
Lori, so many of your
posts have hit the nail on the head for me. Especially recently, as I
have been going through a difficult breakup, after a 7 year relationship, over the past few months.
The breakup is final and agreed mutually(though she as instigator was over it much faster) but I am still craving some
of the comforts of being in that relationship which was so good for
over 7 years and only sometimes had issues. I sometimes want to
regain that but reading your posts helps me move on immensely as I
know she would never get back together( even though, like you felt at
one time about wishing at 11:11 for a while I felt that a lot and
almost I still may if she said “lets try again!”(Oh Oh –
even though I know she never would) Guess we clashed over little
things (but they added up). Anyway, thanks for showing that we can
make our own happiness and don’t necessarily need the old
relationship to resume as “we can experience the feelings we
want over and over again in different relationships and
circumstances.” Thanks for the words of wisdom, I will be
forever grateful. Your posts often pull me out of a slump! PS one other thing – I still love the girl a lot so at first just after the breakup I thought I must break this love in order to get over her. Then I read somewhere that some people can continue loving their ex but the thing is to love your ex enough to let her go into the universe(ie let her go free and just be happy for her in her new life).The crux of the issue is Im trying to let go of her( :)in my mind, obviouslty she is already physically not near me anymore) by loving her enough to let her free but finding it very difficult. Have you any tips for loving someone after they will no longer be with you yet still moving on…
Hi there,
You’re most welcome. I know that feeling of wanting a relationship that’s ended, and I know it isn’t easy to let go. My best advice is to focus on loving yourself–take good care of yourself, spend time with people you love, and give yourself time to acclimate to this world without her in it. Moving on generally doesn’t happen by sheer will; it happens as you heal over time.
Much love,
Lori
This is what I need to understand. Thanks for posting:)
You are most welcome! =)
this is a lesson I found incredibly helpful. instead of focusing on a specific person/place/thing I wanted…I started to focus on the feelings I wanted to have. suddenly there it was, not as I had expected but exactly what I wanted, dare I say, needed.
don’t look for the packaging to be specific, the true gift is the surprise inside.
Beautifully written Dawn. =)
As someone who has had some experience and bad luck in love, this post comes at a perfect time for me. I’ve been struggling to let go of all the pain, anger and hurt my ex from a few years ago and an ex friend who are now dating have caused me. Now I have the chance to go out with a great man and I am terrified of fear not to feel the rush I ised to with my toxic ex. This reminds me to take a chance and breathe out as I experience new emotions and find old ones that I used to enjoy, but are buried in me. Thanks Lori, this is what I need to feel motivated!
That’s great! I’m so happy for you. Wishing you peace, love, and happiness. =)
we so often tend to stay in a relationship for a lot of reasons knowing we are doing more harm then good for the simple fact of the thought of being without of knowing once its gone it may never return, but life is living
withoutknowing cus things chance at very unexspected times and we can only embrace the change and wish one the best of luck at finding what they didn’t with us to really love it to let go and let grow! We will find and we will loose but the best advise to give is to always give ur best when offered the oppertunity so when all does fail We leave knowing we tried all we could and for whatever reason things just didnt work out, loosing is sumtimes gaining…..
My longtime girlfriend and I have decided to part ways for a while, due to psychological problems I have. This was very relevant to me, and it made me feel better. Thank you.
You’re most welcome Andrew. I’m glad this was helpful to you, and I hope you are doing okay!
great article! Allowed me to look at things differently in light of my resent divorce, and emotional and mental quest for answers.
Thanks so much. I’m glad you found it helpful! =)