Hi Ron,

Unfortunately, you can’t undo the thing that made you feel guilty, so the best thing to do here is to learn from it. Since the game playing was innocent on her part, what do you think was the real reason that you got upset? It’s likely there is some fear or anxiety about something somewhere in you that her playing that game with another guy brought up. That’s what you want to figure out. If you can figure out the real source of that jealous outburst, you will have a much better time of preventing that from happening again, and THAT is what your girlfriend will want… you’ve shown remorse, now she just needs to see changed behavior. If you don’t have an outburst like that again, I don’t think it will be a big issue.

If you do feel yourself getting jealous and upset and she hasn’t really done anything worthy of jealousy or mistrust, just try to excuse yourself for a moment and calm down and remember it’s something in you that’s causing it, some fear or anxiety or event from the past, and work on figuring it out rather then getting upset with her.

Did I read that right that he had 2 mistresses? Like was he having a physical relationship with them and has that ended too or did they ever talk about it?  It seems like they have some issues that need to be worked out.

And I think it’s okay to catch up with exes here and there, but all-day, every-day conversations sounds like a bit much. If not a physical affair, it definitely sounds like an emotional one, and that’s not right either.  There is something missing for him in their relationship that they need to probably talk about and figure out so that they are able to find what they need in each other rather than in other people.

To make things even worse, I really feel like everyday that I deal with her, it makes me dwell on my past more and more.

Honestly, John, I’m quite positive it does. I’m 100% sure, in fact, because your horrible situation makes you think of a time when things were NOT horrible, and your default for “one of the best times I’ve my life” has become your relationship with your ex, so you’re going to have a terrible time trying to get over her for as long as your current relationship lasts. I know how you feel, though. I go back and forth, too.

Has she looked into any more government help lately? Again, without putting you down as living with her?  One small paycheck in a 3-person household usually means you can get help through the government.

I think the best way to tell is to ask him, but I’m wondering… why would you want to be exclusive with someone who would invade your privacy by looking at your cell phone? That shows a clear lack of trust.

This is me also! I think there are a ton of introverts out there, we just aren’t as noticeable because we’re busy keeping to ourselves and enjoying our alone time and time with those closest to us rather than being out there with just anyone and everyone. So it feels like you’re surrounded by the extroverts, but your fellow introverts are here, too 🙂

There’s absolutely nothing at all wrong with you or the way you feel, and being able to enjoy solitude is a real blessing, in my opinion. The ONLY time it starts to become a real problem is when you isolate yourself to the point where you don’t talk to anyone at all. We do need at least some human interaction, but you still get enough of that with your family and your boyfriend, and even keeping in touch with friends that live far away counts, too! haha. My best friend lives across the country from me but I talk to her almost every day.

I guess I have left the impression that there was a constant nagging from my part. It is not the case, I made a lot of effort and worked on it, and especially recently, managed to avoid it. I knew very well that it pushed him away, and the moments I did it it was just so overwhelming for me to see that his words and actions do not match well (he said he wanted to be together and everything is well, but he didn’t make effort to show it to me and I just sensed that he is far far away, emotionally).

There were no major stressors in his life, at least not that I knew of. He was always a bit of a “lone wolf” and enigma though.

I asked because I had an ex do something similar to me. We had a similar relationship where we were very close and felt like each other’s home, best friends, all of that. He moved in with me and then 2 days later moved back out. I was completely blindsided. He did have a LOT of personal issues that he wasn’t handling well though and I didn’t realize at the time how bad they were, his depression had gotten worse but I didn’t realize it because he was internalizing it and not talking to me about it, and the only clue I had was that he was picking fights with me more, but still it wasn’t all the time and our relationship was great most of the time. I wasn’t assertive enough and would be far too passive during the fights and then he would later apologize and be left feeling like the bad guy. Then he got tired of feeling like the bad guy.

Is it possible he has some things going on that he is internalizing? Especially if he seems quicker to anger. This might not actually be about you. The fact that his words and actions weren’t lining up say that something was off with him, especially if you guys haven’t had these issues the whole time you’ve been dating.  Like my ex got worse about a year and a half into our relationship when things just started going wrong and piling up for both of us. I was handling my stuff and working on it but he was very much internalizing what he was going through and there’s really no way for other people to know what people are thinking/feeling when they’re internalizing that way.

So what I’m saying is try not to blame yourself because this is likely him, too. Especially since it almost seemed like a switch flipped, right? Like things were generally great most of the time and he wanted to move in and then he suddenly didn’t…  I’m sure the arguments were part of it (especially assuming he had time/energy to talk during breaks and before bed, calling him out on that would make him feel worse), but that most definitely wasn’t the whole reason.

• This reply was modified 6 years, 2 months ago by Valora.

Milo,

Can I ask what stops you from doing these things for people? It’s very good that you cared for your dad when he was sick and cleaned up for him, etc., but what would stop you from honoring his last wish?  Your feelings for your uncle aside, it likely would’ve meant a lot to your dad to have you there with him for support. Did he show you support as you were growing up or not really so supportive?

I’m really sort of at a loss at the moment when it comes to what you can say to diffuse the tension with your family because they’re probably viewing what you did (or didn’t do, as it were) as very unsupportive, and that’s likely why they’re upset, and you also seem kind of cold about people in some ways (not caring if someone lives or dies, for instance). That really seems like you have a lack of empathy. I’m just trying to get an idea for where your head is at with all of this and might be able to be more helpful then… but if you don’t genuinely care about how others feel, then I’m not sure there’s actually a way to ease tension unless they just sort of let it go.

Hi Lisa,

First, your reply to Mark was really quite rude. If you want help and/or opinions from people, it’s a good idea to not be rude to them.

To answer your question, though, her concern shouldn’t be so much about the car as it is about her guy’s behavior. If she is dating this guy and he’s actively trying to pick up other girls right in front of her, that’s a big sign for her to find a new guy, no matter what he drives. And yes, he probably sees the Benz as a status symbol of some sort (for him to show off), which I’m guessing is why he got it.