I also thought there is no benefit in telling her that. But she would ask me every now and then. Tought that what mattered the most was the fact that i kept it to myself, instead of taking action. But there is no going back now.

Now i feel like crap for revealing what she said. Because i’m not the victim, she is.
Don’t wanna sound like i am a poor guy who knows what suffering is.

Hello guys,

I travelled over 800 miles this past week, had to do a lot of things. Had to help my sister with her pregnancy. Even tough i couldn’t stop thinking about my ex, i was happy to stay away from this town, knowing that she might be with someone right now.
Once i got here again, in this city, i feel sad again. I know i’m unsatisfied with life for a number of reasons, and she wouldn’t save me. If we were together, i would feel the same, because everything is so confusing now. But at least beeing away from her, makes me feel less…. stuck.
It’s stupid to miss her, i can’t stop missing her. it’s funny, cause i always say it was the best thing that could have happened, us breaking up. It really was, from all the changes it brought to my new self. The way that it was, we would have ended eventually. But i just keep thinking that after a while, we could have solved it, to know each other again.
Now it’s been three months. No human being in this planet, would suffer for his boyfriend after dumping him. She’s gotta be super happy. i guess there is no point asking her out to get dumped again. That would only kill me again.
Like i said, i told her everything i felt, truly expressed my heart when we broke up. She said those things, not liking me anymore, bla bla… and then admitted to love me still, and miss everything. In those times, i protected myself from saying that i was bad over the break up. Because i had to, otherwise she would put her defenses up again and get scared. She has to be consistant.
Leting her go is one of the worst things i had to do my entire life, and trust me, i’ve been trough a lot. Lot of deaths, lot of break ups… and this is the thing that is torturing me. I know i will come out stronger from this and life will surprese me again tough.
Seriously, who in their right mind would still love someone after dumping him? After three months? Not her, no no…

I did all of that Vhanon…..everything that goes by the book, i did it. I’ve been reading countless articles and books, this has been like nothing i ever felt before. My entire life is messed up and i know she wouldn’t solve things, like she didn’t when we were together. But i’m still trying to menage things, my image to other people is perfect, i think.

What to do with this need of seeing and kissing her? I already tried the ghost things too…. what do you think she is thinking of me? I know it’s a trick question, but i wanted to fight for her. I always accepted break ups, deaths and other things without putting much of a fight…so what now? Am i making this all up, this love i think i feel? Just wanted one last kiss to say goodbye 🙁
i’m sorry to appear such a loser, such a weak guy.

I’m going to travel to see my sister this week…maybe this will ease my mind.

I don’t know much to say, about her wanting to move on. I shouldn’t say this, i was avoidying it, but she was the love of my life. I choose her, and her flaws, to fight for us….. but everything comes to end. There will be other, sure… it’s so tough to let go. All of a sudden, it’s like we don’t know each other, we are like two complete strangers. If she wants to meet new people and be happy with them, of course she can do that. I would never get in her way, just as i am respecting her trough all this process, since the break up. I guess i tough if i gave her space, like i’m doing, she could eventually realize she wants to be with be. What a silly boy. It’s terrible to see her going to so many parties, maybe meeting new people. Sooner or later she will be with other guys, and i think i’m very imature to feel this…. but the idea of her looking at another man with those loving eyes, like she used to do with me….can’t bellieve i’m going trough this again, for the thousandth time.

I changed for me, i saw it was good to do so, because i was right all the time before, but alone. I was pushing people away. I saw that by being an extremist, i would have to accept the loliness that comes with it. But i don’t, so i started to bring people back into my life, have up on being proud. Except her….she won’t come back.

I really think that us breaking up was a good thing, and the old relationship will never come back. I wanted to ask her out so we would get to know one another. I wanted to rebuild our affection, even tough i know there plenty of wonderful women out there. God, why is this so hard ?!

Hi Vhanon,

I will try to give you a short version of this, so i won’t bore you to death.
When we broke up, more than 2 months ago, a huge fight happened. I treated her with indiference. She said that she still love me, that her feelings hadn’t chenge at all and her decision was very hard. I waited 3 weeks to look for her again. I told her how different i always, said i was sorry for everything i done and that if she decided to get back, things would be much better, because i wasn’t blind by my own truth anymore. She said “I don’t love you anymore, i don’t feel anything for you for a longe time before the brake up, and you will never change”. I took the blow and left, decided to move on.

Less than two weeks later, i ran into her in a partie, where she told our mutual friends that she had said those things to keep me away, but she missed me a lot, loved me still and was suffering too much. We started talking again and she admited those things to my face. I pointed out that it was to clear how badly she wanted to kiss me, always saying in each encounter that i was very happy with my new life, not to rub it in her face, but because i think women want happy men around them, not clingy and needy ones, like i was the next day after the break up. She said “i don’t know what i want”. That was almost three weeks ago, and we stopped talking about us. Sometimes she looks for me to talk about silly things….we treat eachother like friends, and i think that in the other end, she may have this image of me as the most cool guy after a break up, in the hole world. And she seems that way too.

So she is always changing her mind about how she feels, but not about the break up, even tough we don’t talk about it. Sometimes i just think about kissing her outta nowhere, just to see her reaction. I mean, it is possible that she said, not even two weekes ago “you were the only guy i ever was crazy about. I miss the tenderness we had, the sex…” like i wrote before, just as a friend? Well, it is i guess….. but if i am missing her like this, despite all the good things in my life…..so could she?

I should just let her live her life. I mean, i’m not being like her old ex. I’m not calling and sending text messages saying how much i miss her. But i feel like she feels for me the same pitty she felt for me.

The problem is that i feel very alone now, without being atractted by anyone. The “problem” with her, is that while we were together, i knew i was happy, that i love her, and that i would fight for us during our entire lives. I remember thinking “she is just my kind of a woman”. I know i’ll find other and probably even better ones. But there is this feeling that keeps coming back “the longer i wait, farther away she gets”. Sorry, does anything make sense?

I should give up, right? When things are done, they are done, correct? There is never another chance when a relationship trully breaks, right?

Maybe she is absolutly certain about her decision, partially because of my behavior? Because i act happy all the time, and treat her like a acquaintance?