Alessha,

Yes, you are right. James123 is in his own thread. And I may have over stepped. I apologize. However, as I said this is a conversation
Conversations have opinions and sometimes they clash. I don’t say James is wrong. But, it doesn’t reach his intended audience. Maybe monks who have spent half their adult life seeking the truth would better absorb this preaching. IDK. I just get a stick up my butt when a person starts preaching without considering their audience. Still, I am sorry for expressing my opinions here. If the mods could delete my posts then I would appreciate it.

Tom168

Hey Roberta,

Nice to see you here. Have very much enjoyed some of your posts.
James is preaching and declares it isn’t preaching because it is about the absolute.
Well, the ears that hears these truths are on the conventional level.
And even Jesus said to teach according to the ability of those to learn.
Can’t be spouting that suffering will end when the I dies.
That holds no meaning to those who are suffering.
They have been abused and lost who they are.
They actually need to find themselves first to begin healing
They need to be recognized and heard.
To learn that they are not alone and there is help.

Okay, I am preaching too. The only difference is the compassion I feel.
For I lack the wisdom to completely understand the truth.

Forgiveness. When one begins to forgive then one can begin to forget the past. If you don’t forgive then the past will always come up and the hurt and pain will be relived. Forgive them and let your heart lighten.

Therefore, i am not talking top of the mountain, just talking directly.

You are talking as if from the top of a mountain. Not talking of the top of the mountain.
You talk this way because,

The reason why i am talking this way is no one who impose to have self spiritual healing, dogmas, beliefs, etc… can help with suffering.

So do you impose to have spiritual healing, dogmas, beliefs, etc so you can not help those with suffering??

There is no other to stop suffering, and only way is the let go the self.

There is. And it is on a different level than the one you speak of. It is to let the person, who is traumatized, know that they are seen and heard. That they are not alone. You see, I am not talking absolutes reality but conventional reality. Not from on top of the mountain but eye to eye. You can’t help anyone because you only see suffering as a result of having an ego or self. Where I see that wisdom and compassion comes from being able to communicate with others at the level they need to understand. To see their suffering and help them in a way that bring comfort and understanding.

This can be seen in the story of master Dogen and the woman whose baby died. The woman could not accept the death of her baby. And pleaded with master Dogen to bring her baby back to life. Master Dogen told her to bring three grains of rice from three different houses where death had never occurred and he would help her. The woman went to every house in the village and the next town. After such exhaustive search, she could not find sucha house that had no deaths. She finally came to accept the death of her baby.

Understanding doesn’t come from proclaiming your suffering will end when your I dies. It comes from the effort given in the search for the truth. A dollar given is never the same as the dollar earned from hard work. One can not achieve the death of the ego by saying I now proclaim my ego dead. So suffering doesn’t stop by letting go of the self when one doesn’t know what a self is.

Yeah, should have taken my own advice and shut the heck up.

Wait, are you saying that you were diagnosed with cancer at age 39? Or was that your mother was diagnosed and then died? I am sorry. My English isn’t as good as it should be. Even though English is my only language. I sometimes have a hard time understanding people’s posts.

Exhausted? Yes, dealing with the lost of someone can be exhausting. Funeral, paperwork, financial, and government responsibilities.
And then to top it off, your own health concerns??

The only thing one can do is to go thru it. One day at a time. One moment at a time. Feel what you feel. Take the time to focus on yourself. What makes you happy. I use to think that if I was going to pass away that I would do drugs. Lots and lots of drugs. But, I don’t want my life to be a bunch of moments being high all the time. Sure for a short moment maybe. But, I want me to be clear since my time would be short. Maybe a short list of things I wanted to do. Learn to dance? Play the piano? Talk to strangers? Go on a cruise? Visit a different country? Canada? Italy? China? How about a hot romance … novel, lol.

My brother in law went thru bankruptcy. The important part was to keep the mind focused on the future. Bankruptcy helps break some debts and reorganize other debts. Bringing order in one’s financial life. The attitude to look forward to a brighter future is needed. When one door closes, a window opens. My brother in law had opened up a restaurant and partnered with a married couple. They decided that they were the major shareholders and would control the money. So, $140k in and signed into contracts with more debts. They went into business together. Soon, the couple showed their true colors and made their move to control everything. Very soon, the partners fought and a split was inevitable. But, instead of a smart move to divide the business. They sabotage each other. Lawyers were hired. More debts. More money borrowed. Eventually, finally things were decided by the bankruptcy judge. Then worked to get out of debt. About five years later, light at the end of the tunnel. People get themselves into these things and they need to get themselves out of it. Got to keep their minds on the future.

Yes, safe place to vent.

I hope it helped.

[quote quote=449157]I see bad people like babies. They came into this world completely pure, like clean water, innocent and untouched. Everything they became—their personality, their habits, their ways of thinking—was shaped by their environment, family, society, and life circumstances. None of the “bad” things they do are truly their fault, because they are a product of what surrounded them, how they were raised, and what they experienced.

In a way, they are like a river shaped by the stones and soil it flows over. The person I see now is just the result of everything around them, not something they consciously chose in the beginning. Understanding this doesn’t mean I approve of harmful behavior, but it allows me to look at them without hatred or judgment. I can see the human behind the actions, the innocent child that once existed, and the suffering and conditioning that led them to be this way.[/quote]

I am a strong believer in that people make choices. They choose what to do next. They are not a domino that falls because the previous block fell over. A person chooses to go right or left. When a child grows up, he chooses whether to bully others. He wasn’t taught to be a bully. When I was younger, I had so called friends who took advantage of others for their own .. don’t know what to call it other than their desires or pleasures. When I saw how they did this, I felt repelled and disgusted. So, I stepped away from them.

So, from this I take it as there is real evil in the world. There are some who get joy or reward from hurting others. This doesn’t come from their environment. That is the way they are. It is nice to be able to say that everyone is like a baby. All innocent. But, I stood at the place where the choice was to be made.

A child playing with an animal might accidentally kill the animal. One child might feel remorse and another child might feel power. This is not derived from environmental factors but something inside a person. Evil is real. I wish I had your perceptions and clean mind. To believe everyone is an innocent soul.

So, how to deal with a harmful person? What does society demand? A punishment equal to the crime. Relative truth and Objective truth. That might be for the enlightened mind. I am here just trying to survive.