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This is MayParticipantGreetings!
Thank you for this. I too am trying to relearn what it means to be in healthy relationships after years of codependency behavior. My own story is somewhere within this forum…
The fact that you are aware of these feelings and behavior is a good sign 🙂 it says something within you is changing. Exciting yet scary because it’s all so new and different.
What i know so far is that its going to take a lot of work, patience and self reflection on what you want for yourself. Sometimes the answers can seem so clear… until doubt rears its ugly head. But it’s perfectly normal to feel that way. If we knew all the answers now then what’s the point of living.. or maybe that’s just me
Take it one day at the time. Try to let go of planning and analyzing all possible outcomes. Relish those fun moments for what they are. And cherish your solitude as a chance get to know yourself, your desires and aspirations. Those are just as precious.
As for this special someone.. if in time he gets to know the real you and accepts it then great. If not, be just as grateful. Because everyone we will ever meet and bond with is yet another opportunity to learn something about our own self.
I wish you all the best, peace and happiness..
December 11, 2013 at 11:24 pm in reply to: He Disappeared After 3 Years; No Closure; Angry, Confused, Afraid #46623This is MayParticipantI’m sorry about your cat. I hope it’s safe.
As for the forgiveness part, I stumbled upon this when I was going through something similar: http://plumvillage.org/transcriptions/suffering-can-teach-us/
Forgiveness isn’t easy, but it will be worth it if only to help yourself move forward and put all this in the past.
I wish you peace and happiness.
This is MayParticipant@JoJOe … you rock 😀 I’m going to write down those zingers pronto and memorize them 🙂
This is MayParticipantDear @enshi ch
I can somewhat relate to what you’re going through right now. But you must find the strength within yourself to break this cycle of suffering. It won’t be easy.
Just yesterday, I was attending my yoga class and about 10 mins before it ended when a sad song (jeff buckley) came on and all the feelings started pouring out (to my horror and yet relief). Snot, tears and sweat everywhere so I quickly exited trying my hardest not to make a scene and hid in the bathroom to calm myself.
I knew at that moment it was a sign that I needed to be more “present” in whatever I’m doing, instead of letting the ghost of my past relationship consume whatever is left of me.
After apologizing to my yoga teacher (who was completely understanding) and having dinner with my cousin, I felt better. Before going to sleep, i chose to be grateful for still being alive, able to make decisions that I want for myself, and being able to express all these feelings.
Some days will be easier than others, its now up to you to decide. Be kind to yourself, set mini goals everyday when it feels hard. Try not to surround yourself with reminders of what is bringing u pain. It will take however long it takes, but you’re worth it.
I wish you peace and love in your journey ahead
This is MayParticipantThank you @joseph. We finally had the talk and it went better than expected. He finally admitted he is still unfulfilled in his life and felt ’empty’ but kept emphasizing it was not my fault. That his goals came with risks and he didn’t want to drag me down.
I told him before our conversation that there will no judgement and we had to speak our truth. We talked about what happens when we split and kept wanting to be sure ill be ok. I told him that i cannot accept him resenting me or keeping secrets… whatever happens, we’ll look back at this someday as a happy memory. I really meant it. I feel like this is closure and I’m keen to start my new life.
Then he asks for more time to think because so many years. That annoyed me. Why prolong the inevitable. Sigh but I’m doing better. Slowly moving forward I hope. Keep focusing on my needs so I won’t dwell with being in limbo.
And despite everything I’m grateful. And I hope my story somehow helps another lost soul out there feel less alone. Time, compassion, and forgiveness for the other person and yourself will set u free from sufferingThis is MayParticipantThank you so much @Dani for your thoughts and kind words.
I’m tying find the silver lining from all this.. foggyness. I try to remind myself about the holidays coming up and surrounding myself with friends and family again. Especially my dad.
I admit I have thoughts about just packing up and leaving. Him not communicating at all but being surrounded by his stuff makes It hard to escape his ghost. Right now I do want closure. Even if its something I’m not going to want to hear.
But u are right about not being able to change people. I shall keep that in mind should I face him again. Deal with issue at hand instead of keeping score, can’t move forward if constantly looking backward. That part is a work in progress.
Plus, had I not gone through this… I would have never learned my own strength. A harsh lesson no doubt, but one I will eternally be grateful for.
I wish u happiness and peace in your journey
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Though I run this site, it is not mine. It's ours. It's not about me. It's about us. Your stories and your wisdom are just as meaningful as mine. 