Hi Sebastiaan,

I am also Dutch AND I have had a similar situation where I had a relationship for 3,5 years with someone I met online while I actually was still heartbroken.  I think Im in a perfect position to give some advice.  So I fell in love with a guy I met on holiday and it was magical, love at first sight etc. However, this guy did not want a long-distance relationship and broke all contact. Then I met a guy online who made me think a lot about the guy that broke my heart. I also felt the chemistry and after months of messaging he came to visit me in Holland. Then we officially got in a relationship. However, even though I liked this ”new” guy very very much, the old one was still in my heart. However, I accepted the feeling that I loved someone else, and I have always trusted that if its meant to be, it will be. I have been in a relationships with the new guy for 3,5  (now we broke up), and I have enjoyed every single moment with him. Sometimes I thought of the old guy, but trust me if you are together with your new girl, the feeling will fade away slowly and you will be able to accept it. Just keep in mind that -especially with love- Whats meant for you, will always be yours. I succeeded in having a great realtionship for 3,5 years with someone I loved, now that we broke up, I realised he is not the person I want to marry, but hey, I still had a great time and wouldnt want to have missed a second. So my advice: go for the new girl, accept your feelings for the old girl and just give it go, see how it goes… if it won’t work, it won’t work, don’t force anything! Good luck!

Dear Kodi,

I think you should go on a journey.

1. You guts tell you, you don’t want this job. Follow your guts because life is too short to be unhappy. Try more actively to find other work, so you don’t have to quit your job before you found something new – so no needto be anxious-.

2. At the same time, go on a spiritual journey. You need to tackle the problem from the roots, from within. Otherwise you will always be anxious with a low self-esteem. Maybe even do this together with your husband.. find some soothing and peace in your lives. Find the light in the dark places. You could do this multiple ways: talking & dreaming together focussing on what you DO what, journalling, meditation, yoga (Yoga with Adriene is a great Youtubehannel with very nice home yoga sequences), try to spend more time in nature and see the bigger picture, do something completely different; like one day a week be a volunteer at a refugee center or visiting an old person (it may help to shift your perspective, because sometimes we need to stop thinking and we just need some new insight which we can find in the strangest places), also keep a gratitude journal (write something, doesnt matter how small, that you are grateful for every day),as it also helps to change your perspective. Or do something else that feels good for you.

These two journey’s will supplement eachother, and will lead to a high quality job search, and will give you more peace. It is not a one day journey so, so bear with it. Try to find what feels good for you. And please: ”Make decisions that reflect your hopes, not your fears”.

I hope this was helpful.

Good luck and sending love

• This reply was modified 6 years, 11 months ago by Therlie.