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Dear Javier,
I’m working on my self-confidence and my inner child by positive affirmations.
That’s good, just keep doing it!
My psychiatrist claims it’s due to a chemical imbalance in the brain, but why do they think medications will solve everything?!
I don’t know much about psychiatric medications, but as far as I know, it’s sometimes beneficial to use them in combination with psychotherapy. If you’re unable to self-regulate in spite of therapy, and are e.g. crying all the time, or having physical symptoms such as hyperventilating, in other words, if you aren’t able to function normally – that’s when medications are recommended. They won’t solve everything, but could enable you to calm down enough to be able to function more normally, and start working on your issues in therapy.
If there is a magic pill that can cure and heal my brain, why haven’t they given it to me earlier? I’m going crazy, I don’t know what to do.
You feel you’re going crazy because your nervous system is so overwhelmed, and you don’t know how to help yourself. Since simple self-soothing methods, such as putting one hand on your chest and the other on your belly, didn’t really work and you easily get overwhelmed, I believe you would need to consider medications. Not something to numb you completely, but as a means to take off the edge of your anxiety and let you function normally and work on your issues in therapy. I don’t know if something like that would be possible and acceptable to you?
Dear DeJana,
you’re very welcome. It’s good to hear that you have a better relationship with your mother now, and that she is allowing you to wash the dishes or help with the household. So it wasn’t so much about you not being good enough in her eyes, but perhaps about her need to control her living space/her household, and through that, have some sense of control in her life?
There could be a similarity with your boyfriend, because he too suffers from obsessive behaviors. And most probably he too does it in an attempt to control his surroundings and that way, reduce his anxiety.
I have the same thoughts myself and a good friend of mine also has the opinion that I seek a man to guide me. Furthermore he finds that a lot of women he knows show this behavior. What do you think?
I think it depends also on the culture we are brought up in. In some cultures women are brought up to follow man’s guidance, in others not so much. It would be best if we could all learn (and be free) to follow our inner guidance, and make decisions based on that… We can ask mentors and coaches (and well-meaning family members and friends) for advice or opinion, but the final decision, specially in important issues in life, should come from within. At least that’s what I believe…
And my parents concerns with studying medicine were appropriate. It is not that I am not intelligent enough, but there are other parts of my personality that not quite fit in those stressful work ethics.
Are you still studying medicine? Do you see a possible field/specialization where your work wouldn’t be so very stressful?
Dear Javier,
I’m trying to count my blessings, but I have been suppressing and denying all positive feelings. I have learned to feel loneliness, hopelessness and shame. The feeling of failure is there continuously, and I have been struggling with a low to complete lack of self esteem. I want to change this, I want to live again. Please let me know if it’s possible!
You first need to forgive yourself, Javier. Your self-condemnation is keeping you at the bottom of this dark pit. It’s what led you to attempt suicide.
We’ve talked about it before. Your life started with pain, you grew up with pain, and none of it was your fault. All the “mistakes” you’ve made later (and which we all make in this or that form) are the result of that original pain. When you blame yourself, you’re blaming that little boy for simply being a child, for having normal needs for love, affection and safety, like every other child. You’re blaming a beautiful, innocent, helpless little child, who just wanted to love and be loved. Can you see that, Javier?
I am praying that you see and accept that, and start practicing self-compassion and self-forgiveness. Because that’s The Way to new life…
Dear Javier,
I second everything that Sarah said. You didn’t let us down. You tried to end the pain because you didn’t know how else to stop it. But God didn’t want you to die. He has a different plan for you. He wants you to live. This could be a turning point…
I am so glad you’re still alive and talking to us. You are a beautiful soul. I really mean it. And I am praying for you to feel a ray of hope, just a tiny ray of hope and relief in your pain. Pray to God to take your burden away, to lighten the cross you are carrying. Pray for just a tiny bit of help… and wait, it will come. I know, help always comes to those who have faith. Have faith, Javier, it will be better.
I too am praying and rooting for you. You are not alone.
Dear Karma,
Please help as what to do to ensure i have a happy life. My parents have stated lookimg for alliance for my marriage. I don’t want my past to haunt me in my future life.
I understand, that’s why I am trying to help you find out why you don’t love yourself. Because that’s what I see as the biggest obstacle for a happy life.
In my teens and youth, I also suffered from low self-esteem regarding my physical appearance, and was jealous of girls prettier than me. But my sense of lower self-worth didn’t start in my teens and wasn’t caused by my looks, but started much earlier in my childhood, with my mother criticizing me a lot. That’s how I started believing I am not good enough (which later included “not pretty enough” as well).
It would be important to figure out what’s the real cause of your low self-esteem. If you would like to tell me a bit more about your childhood, please do. Because that’s where the reason may be, as well as the solution for your current problems. If on the other hand you had a great childhood, with loving and supportive parents and siblings, then the reason is somewhere else.
Though I run this site, it is not mine. It's ours. It's not about me. It's about us. Your stories and your wisdom are just as meaningful as mine. 