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TaurusBelle95

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Viewing 5 posts - 1 through 5 (of 5 total)
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  • #411773
    TaurusBelle95
    Participant

    Hello Anita, itā€™s currently 21:09 here in Europe where I am and Iā€™m lay in my mums bed filled with sadness and sorrow šŸ™ feeling like I no longer wish to live as I feel nothing will fill this void or pain that Iā€™m feeling. I canā€™t shake the feeling of wanting to be her, I feel although I have so much to look forward to and a full life ahead of me, nothing is good enough if he isnā€™t involved in my life.

     

    I go to brush my hair or look good but then feel whatā€™s the point as he wonā€™t be able to appreciate my efforts. He used to compliment a certain fragrance that I used to wear & ever since he left my life I havenā€™t felt the need to wear it as again, he wonā€™t be able to appreciate it. I just feel like nothing matters anymore unless heā€™s around and itā€™s worse as I have no friends and no support system hence why Iā€™m on here.

    I hope you arenā€™t feeling too sick with your cold and I hope you feel better soon

    #411768
    TaurusBelle95
    Participant

    Hi Anita, no I do not know her and I only know her through finding her Instagram and Facebook. She doesnā€™t even know that I exist. I will not tell her because it wouldnā€™t be coming from a place of genuine care for her or the toddler but from a place of hurt and jealousy and I would never want to inflict that pain onto another woman! What he is doing will come to light eventually if she doesnā€™t already know! Thankyou so much for your help and encouraging words ! I wish I could speak with you more but Iā€™m afraid of wasting your time!

    #411765
    TaurusBelle95
    Participant

    Hello Anita,

    Iā€™ve never been so grateful for a response in my life. You are the only one to ever explain how I am feeling in a way that completely makes sense and resonates with me and my upbringing.

    Every second of every day is spent thinking about him or her and I so wish I could occupy my mind with something else! Iā€™ve tried meditating to quiet my mind but nothing helps, Iā€™ve tried so many things but I guess time is a healer and only time will tell. Iā€™m 27 but I wish to be 37 because at least I know I hopefully will have gotten over this difficult situation and will have hopefully started my own family!

    Do you think I should tell the wife what is going on?

    #411731
    TaurusBelle95
    Participant

    You are so right without me mentioning it ! Iā€™ve always expressed that Iā€™m scared of getting close to people because it scares me that they can just leave your life either by choice or death. Itā€™s a terrifying thought to have and itā€™s stopped me building non romantic relationships with others because my thought process is always well whatā€™s the point they will eventually get bored of me and leave like everyone else.

    The situation with the guy and his girlfriend is just a weird and complex one that I wish I could wrap my head around. I know it seems weird to be prying into the lives of people I have no business with but at the same time scrolling through her Instagram feed and comparing my life to what I see sheā€™s posted gives me nothing but pain but at the same time I canā€™t let go.

    Iā€™ve tried going on dating apps to try and get my mind off of him and potentially meet someone new but every guy I see does not look like him and I know that no one is going to look exactly like him but thatā€™s the problem, I only want him and it feels like no one else will do. I just want to be completely happy and content with my own life rather than wishing for someone elseā€™s.

    #411724
    TaurusBelle95
    Participant

    Hello Anita, I was born into a broken relationship, I never saw my parents in the same room and I was the product of a short term romance. I havenā€™t had my father in my life for maybe 21 years, I donā€™t have a stable relationship with him except seeing him post on Facebook or the odd message from him through WhatsApp but I was not number 1 in my fathers life growing up no.

    It would mean a lot to me to be a manā€™s number one and to be finally chosen and respected, I look at her Instagram and crave for the family dynamics I see on there, even though I know he is being unfaithful.

    I also have a problem of wanting to move away or live another life. The life I am living is not bad, I am financially stable, have a great job. The only things I would change is my own family dynamics such as the fact we arenā€™t close and that includes non immediate family members. I live in the same house as my mum, step dad and sister and we all stay in separate rooms on our rooms majority of the day. My stepdad in the living room downstairs, my little sister in her room in bed on her phone to her friends and my mum in bed in her room and then me in my room. This is how itā€™s been and itā€™s awkward to even think of us being a close knit family. We donā€™t argue or live in misery but the conversations are lacking. Iā€™m always dreaming of belonging to a large family with culture and excitement. We donā€™t celebrate anything in my household as my mother is a Jehovahā€™s Witness so every holiday celebration stopped and my stepdad although not a Jehovahā€™s Witness stopped celebrating too out of respect for his wife.

    Anyway, I just want to get out of my head and stop craving for a life I know nothing about, Iā€™ve even gone as far as trying to learn Spanish as the guy I was most recently involved with is from Argentina and I wanted to learn so I could feel closer to him in a way!

    I donā€™t know what to do, I mean I do and itā€™s obvious but why canā€™t I seem to just do it then?! Why do I crave a taken man so badly and for that I feel terrible but I wish he didnā€™t draw me in to just lie and deceive me!!

Viewing 5 posts - 1 through 5 (of 5 total)