Hello Anita, it’s currently 21:09 here in Europe where I am and I’m lay in my mums bed filled with sadness and sorrow 🙁 feeling like I no longer wish to live as I feel nothing will fill this void or pain that I’m feeling. I can’t shake the feeling of wanting to be her, I feel although I have so much to look forward to and a full life ahead of me, nothing is good enough if he isn’t involved in my life.

I go to brush my hair or look good but then feel what’s the point as he won’t be able to appreciate my efforts. He used to compliment a certain fragrance that I used to wear & ever since he left my life I haven’t felt the need to wear it as again, he won’t be able to appreciate it. I just feel like nothing matters anymore unless he’s around and it’s worse as I have no friends and no support system hence why I’m on here.

I hope you aren’t feeling too sick with your cold and I hope you feel better soon

Hello Anita,

I’ve never been so grateful for a response in my life. You are the only one to ever explain how I am feeling in a way that completely makes sense and resonates with me and my upbringing.

Every second of every day is spent thinking about him or her and I so wish I could occupy my mind with something else! I’ve tried meditating to quiet my mind but nothing helps, I’ve tried so many things but I guess time is a healer and only time will tell. I’m 27 but I wish to be 37 because at least I know I hopefully will have gotten over this difficult situation and will have hopefully started my own family!

Do you think I should tell the wife what is going on?

Hello Anita, I was born into a broken relationship, I never saw my parents in the same room and I was the product of a short term romance. I haven’t had my father in my life for maybe 21 years, I don’t have a stable relationship with him except seeing him post on Facebook or the odd message from him through WhatsApp but I was not number 1 in my fathers life growing up no.

It would mean a lot to me to be a man’s number one and to be finally chosen and respected, I look at her Instagram and crave for the family dynamics I see on there, even though I know he is being unfaithful.

I also have a problem of wanting to move away or live another life. The life I am living is not bad, I am financially stable, have a great job. The only things I would change is my own family dynamics such as the fact we aren’t close and that includes non immediate family members. I live in the same house as my mum, step dad and sister and we all stay in separate rooms on our rooms majority of the day. My stepdad in the living room downstairs, my little sister in her room in bed on her phone to her friends and my mum in bed in her room and then me in my room. This is how it’s been and it’s awkward to even think of us being a close knit family. We don’t argue or live in misery but the conversations are lacking. I’m always dreaming of belonging to a large family with culture and excitement. We don’t celebrate anything in my household as my mother is a Jehovah’s Witness so every holiday celebration stopped and my stepdad although not a Jehovah’s Witness stopped celebrating too out of respect for his wife.

Anyway, I just want to get out of my head and stop craving for a life I know nothing about, I’ve even gone as far as trying to learn Spanish as the guy I was most recently involved with is from Argentina and I wanted to learn so I could feel closer to him in a way!

I don’t know what to do, I mean I do and it’s obvious but why can’t I seem to just do it then?! Why do I crave a taken man so badly and for that I feel terrible but I wish he didn’t draw me in to just lie and deceive me!!