Hello,

Please don’t dwell on this, you are clearly an extremely empathetic and kind person. In the case of the first girl, you noticed her predicament and checked she was conscious. At the time you lacked the knowledge that she had quite possibly overdosed and, at that point, you were overcome by your fear of the situation. If you were not at all familiar with raves or open/extreme drug-taking, that would be a very uncomfortable situation to find yourself in and your instincts told you to get out of there; in that situation, it is understandable that you wanted to just run away. It is only later, when you know you are completely out of danger, that you think what you could have done.

You don’t deserve the emotional torture and guilt. It is really good that you are aware of the bystander apathy phenomenon and that you are educating yourself about things such as sex trafficking and what to do in other life-and-death emergencies. It is clear that if you encounter this kind of situation in the future, you will know what to do. Having said this, don’t anticipate everything as being a potential case of exploitation. You’ll be in a constant state of anxiety if you are fixated on making amends and are therefore stressing yourself in being highly attentive to every single man or woman you see. However, if you truly feel something is very wrong, then don’t hesitate to take the necessary measures.

Whatever was the outcome of the stories (I am thinking mainly of the first story you told), unfortunately you cannot turn back time. You can only learn lessons and apply them in the present when the chance presents itself. In the meanwhile, you are clearly kind, empathetic and conscious of your actions. The same can’t be said of plenty of people. Good luck, please forgive yourself and find peace with this because you deserve it.

Hi,

I’m sorry to hear what you’ve been through and what you’re currently going through now. That was a fascinating read; it seems like you’ve had a particularly unique upbringing but this, of course, is where the biggest problems lies. I don’t mean to judge your parents, but it often seems that children who are brought up in ‘extremes’ tend to struggle later in life. The principles your parents followed do have some merit (the not becoming attached to everything, the being able to be alone, the meditating on profound subject), but it sounds far too radical. Human beings are fundamentally social animals. I’m a philosophy student who has read Hegel and Hegel (amongst others) writes that the hermits’ life is not for us; we need other conscious beings to fulfil our own self-consciousness. Being alone can be wonderful, but it is unhealthy if it is artificially forced upon us.

Please don’t judge yourself. Absolutely none of this is your fault and if anyone does judge you, then they’re being extremely unempathetic. I’m sure you’re an amazing, interesting person to be around, you were just deprived of the ‘normal’ framework that most child socialise within. You say you can’t ‘write well’ anymore but, trust me, you have a talent for writing and write beautifully. As for your mental health, I can’t really say much because i’m no expert, but it doesn’t make you less ‘normal’. The contrast between your upbringing, then being exposed to its complete opposite is obviously a lot to deal with. Marijuana use is seen as fairly normal, but it is a very powerful drug and paranoia is a prominent side-effect, as i’m sure you know. You’ve had to deal with so much and your perception of what life ‘should be like’ and, ultimately, who ‘you are’ has been turned upside down. We can never truly define who ‘we are’. I wish you all the best in your recovery and hope you find understanding, true friends.

I know exactly where you’re coming from and it’s a horrible feeling because you feel so guilty for not being able to be truly happy for your friend’s successes in whatever form. When I’ve felt this way about a friend in the past my fear came down to two main things:
– that the friend would notice that they had become ‘better’ than me and would start behaving as if they were ‘better’ than me, which would lead to a rejection of sorts and more emotional pain which would confirm my inferiority.
– that others (this was even worse for me) would notice this superiority and start acting on it.

I knew that if my friend or others were to act as if there were some kind of hierarchy of a person’s worth in terms of their attributes (appearance, cleverness, social behaviour etc) then that would be extremely shallow and something that I did not want in my life, but thought that perhaps that’s just the ‘harsh truth’ and the way life inevitably ‘is’. We cannot help judging others, after all. It is part of being human.

However, it does not have to be like this. Remove yourself from these social-media generated, black-and-white hierarchies and see the bigger picture. You are enough as you are. Jealousy is a horrible burden and will only hurt you, it will never motivate you to become ‘better’, at least not for long. When you can be completely and genuinely happy for your friend’s successes (and everyone else’s) then things will fall into place and you will feel peace. It’s not easy and your feelings are natural; it is a good thing you have recognised the damage they are doing. Facebook and other social media makes these feelings 1000000 X worse but what you see on a screen is so rarely a true depiction of real life. Just as you say that nobody would be able to see the jealousy you carry inside, your friend is likely doing the same thing in some way and has her own set of emotional issues that she is grappling with.

Be honest with yourself and embrace how you feel, jealousy and all. Don’t try to talk yourself out of it or rationalise it or mentally punish yourself for feeling this way. Just accept the feelings and then try to find the place beyond success and failure and winning and losing. Remember you (and her) are enough just as you are and nothing will change that.

Hey,
in my experience overwhelming feelings of loneliness stem from the belief that I am an isolated life and that I am, in a sense, cut off from those people I wish to connect with. It was only when I realised that all life (not just human life) is connected and harmonious that I was able to feel the peace underneath the sadness, the anger, the resentment. Every living being has access to this peace and it does not depend on our life situation e.g. how we are treated by others and how we feel others perceive us. We have this idea that we are born alone and that we need other people to GIVE things to us. We think we need people to extend love, friendship, companionship. We think we need life to give us success, happiness, fulfilment. Unfortunately, nobody is entitled to anything. Life isn’t ‘fair’ because our notion of ‘fair’ and what we deserve revolves around the ego, the part of us that is constantly screaming ‘I want/I need/I deserve/this isn’t fair’. I promise you that you DO have everything you need and ‘everything’ doesn’t refer to food, water, a loving family, a warm house to live in etc (although obviously those things are important and shouldn’t be taken for granted). Once you accept yourself, others will too and that’s a fact.

Last year I, like you, felt that I was living the wrong life and that I didn’t deserve what I had ended up with. I truly recommend ‘The Power of Now’ by Eckhart Tolle if you haven’t read it because it changed my life and I really didn’t expect/hope that it would…it just did 🙂

I hope you’re proven wrong but even if you’re not, I get the impression from this topic that you’re extremely hard working and driven and you should be proud of this. I empathise where you’re coming from, especially in situations where you feel the job is so ‘right’ for you and that, in a sense, it was meant for you and it’d be wrong for you to not have it. Any suffering we endure is there to teach us a lesson so if you feel that you fundamentally messed up, use it to make you stronger and more driven and to overcome the hurdle that your perceived error put in your way. Try to stay present. You don’t know the outcome yet so, until you know, it’s not relevant to the present moment. If you conduct an interview whilst all the while having a mental conversation with yourself that keeps repeating ‘i’m not going to get this job. I’m going to mess up this interview’, then it’s likely you will project this lack of confidence. Anyway, good luck and I hope soon you get the job you love and deserve 🙂