Thanks, anita;) So I did pretty well on the physics honors and pre-calc test today and my ap world history teacher said i had a quiz tomorrow and also for ap english (6 tests this week). my lunch buddy and i were talking about java, graphing calculators and logarithms today. we both agreed that english and history was just reading and analyzing and math and science were more hands-on. we were both laughing about the graphing calculator tricks (i learned them from my friend in ap english who is great with electronics) and we were talking about physics and mathematical experiments. in ap english today, my friend who is really good with electronics was talking to me about graphing calculators and computer science. also he knows a lot about first aid, camping, and self-defense, so we were talking about science and we both really like chemistry and physics. my ap english friend and i were discussing first aid techniques and also math and science experiments. also today after school, i have a friend who is doing distance for track and she loves math and science especially biology. she wants to be a neurologist and i find that really cool because psychology and the brain fascinate me. i think i will definitely go into a math and science career. my lunch buddy, her and me were talking after school (track meeting) about the events we were going to do in track and also laughing over the math and scientific things we each know. she doesn’t like history and english much either like me, she and my lunch buddy think it really doesn’t give the real-life experience and the challenge to the mind like math and science do. anyway, i’m doing shot-put, discus, sprints and distance for track. i think it’s great because a lot of the track mates enjoy math and science and they are great and encouraging people to be around. also it will be great for both me and my lunch buddy to encourage each other to be in shape. before lunch today, i went to my locker to pick up some supplies and i ran into my special friend which we both smiled at each other, meanwhile two people walked by and stared at him before looking away, when he asked what they were staring at, they just laughed and told him that they were staring at his worthless nature, this made me really annoyed that people make fun of him and i looked at him and told him that he was a special person and not to listen to them. i told him that they don’t really understand him because he enjoys acting and they think he is childish and obnoxious, but he can be one of the kindest and most sensitive people i know. after a while of seeing that he was okay, i went to lunch where my lunch buddy and i discussed math and science. toward the last 20 minutes of lunch, i looked up to see my special friend looking at us and he seemed lonely ( we have a special connection where i always can sense when he is around even if i am busy with something and i always know what he seems to be thinking), my special friend was being ridiculed by his friends for being an actor, so he decided to sit nearby where he could look out for me. the greatest thing about him is that he is always looking out for the people he cares about even if he has people who put him down, he always has hope when seeing the people he cares about. i asked him if he wanted to come sit with us, but he said he didn’t want to disturb our work so he just sat nearby and watched to see if i was okay. after school he wished me luck with the track meeting and told me that he loved me for the person i made him be, the hope that i gave him, my dramatic humor and desire to always experience the adventure of life. he said that i was perfect the way i was and that no matter what i would go far. he said that he’ll always be here to encourage me and that he always believes in me. he is the sweetest guy ever, his words brought tears to my ears and i hugged him and told him to believe in himself, that without him i wouldn’t have been the person i am now, that i believe in him and that i loved him for his appreciation of who i really am and his constant joy and encouragement in life and the idea that he took a chance and went out of his way to help me when i was lost in seventh grade. i told him that even though i had lots of guy friends and a busy schedule, i would always care about him for everything he did, he is a great spiritual partner. for pre-calc today, one of the guys in my ap world history class helped me with my work and we got it done so i didn’t have pre-calc homework. i spent much time yesterday doing today’s homework because i knew i had a track meeting after school so today, i only had 7 pages to read for ap english and outline the development of christianity from 1st-14th century, it only took me an 1 hour because my ap english friend who is good at electronics and also the other ap english friend who is good at literature taught me the best way to skim the passages and also i use my subconscious mind to help with details and picking out important data and correct answers. my parents always criticize me for my use of my subconscious, but it always turns out to be right, they think that i can’t just base my answers on a gut feeling, but i balance them both. i use my logical side to check to see the answer works. i never thought 11th grade could be such a great time of spiritual awakening and also my three guy friends, my new found gal friend and my special friend have helped lots. today, morning when i was a bit annoyed at my parents because they criticized me on the grading system on physics honors since they didn’t understand a 44/52 is an 88, they kept thinking i did terrible. so my special friend asked if i was okay and i told him that i wish my parents were easier to communicate with and they didn’t always focus on my imperfections because sometimes it makes me feel so inadequate and not good enough. he was a great listener and he told me that it didn’t matter what happened or what others say, i would always be good enough to him. he told me not to worry and go for what i truly cared about not what others expectations of me were and also that he believed in me. he told me that i was the reason he truly knew what spiritual love was and that i made him feel more like himself and have more goals toward what he really wants in life. i told him that he was the same for me because when i’m with him, i feel strong and supported, my mind is clear, i feel healthy and believe in myself. even when we leave for college, i will remember the spiritual love that we share. some people laugh at us or sometimes think we are in a relationship, but we really aren’t, he is like a family member to me. i feel like i can trust him and be myself around him and he will be okay with it. i love him for the person he makes me feel i can become and the idea that we both help and encourage each other. google has introduced this thing where if you connect a microphone and a speaker to your computer, you can voice type on google drive, it’s so cool;) yet, i don’t have a microphone and speaker, but i’ve seen it done on iPhones so it is probably similar to that. google was annoying a couple days ago saying that my computer was outdated and it wouldn’t support it, but now it seems like they’re upgrading some parts of the software;) skydrive is easier to use, but since i have a google account i just use it and when you first open up the internet, it goes straight to google.

Learning to Live Again

I have been reborn again

Out of the ashes of my former self

I now seek to live my life authentically

Listening to my heart, not the outside world

I’m learning to live again

Being helped by spiritual guidance and inner voice

Learning to accept my emotions, so I can confront them

Instead of resisting my negative emotions, I accept them

I look into them and discover my true thoughts and feelings

And then I let the negative emotions go, learning from them

I am cleansing myself, opening up to unconditional love and trust

I’m learning from my negative emotions, accepting them and using them to help me on my spiritual path

I’m learning to let go of insecurities and to love myself

Every day is a blessing

Days lived without anger, fear, anxiety, restlessness or worry

I’ll simply accept the negative aspects of me and let them go

I’ll fill my path with positivity and love and walk with the light

I’m going to live again

I’m going to be reborn again

Listening and accepting my emotions and through them know my inner thoughts and feelings

I’m going to listen to the inner voice in me

I’m learning to live again

Listening to my heart and not to what others think

here is a poem:

If Today Was Your Last Day

If today was your last day

You should go for your dreams no matter how old you are

Live each moment with gratitude

There’s no second chance at life

Live like you’ve never lived before

Taking the easy road means you learn nothing

Forgive your enemies

Think of the prize you’ll earn with the hard work

Live your life, make friends

If today was your last day

Could you live with the choices you’ve made

If tomorrow was too late

Think of the time that you have in life

Live each second well

Time goes by and is gone

So live each moment with gratitude

Follow your dreams and fall in love

If today was you last day

make the right choices toward your dreams in life.

Live it to the fullest.

i think i did well on a my ap world history test today. my physics honors teacher gave us the review packet today and announced a test tomorrow on projectile motion so i only have a day to review everything. also i have a pre-calc test that same day. on thursday, i have an ap english test and i still have 2/3 of the chapter to read fore nickel and dimed. the great thing is that sometimes when i feel like my conscious mind is totally lost and i’m not sure what i’m doing, my subconscious mind picks things up and i find that i do better with it than my conscious mind because it processes things faster. my pre-calc teacher is great, she taught us many shortcuts on how to foil and also find rational zeroes of polynomials and i think my mind works so much faster in solving problems than it used to. it’s amazing how much my subconscious mind can help me especially when the teacher goes fast and i only have 15 minutes to solve a problem or analyze through 12 documents, but i was able to do it with my subconscious mind. these days i know how to quickly work my way through problems such as long reading passages (i read the questions first and tackle the questions that pertain to individual sentences in the passage and then i skim the passage for main ideas), also at time my subconscious mind may help pick up clues or i’ll have a gut feeling that one answer can’t be right or that i should read this sentence because it might help with a question. also when it comes to math and science which i love these days, i find that my subconscious can eliminate the ones that are illogical and work to find the right answer. there are times when my conscious mind feels totally lost and overwhelmed and i let my subconscious take over. math and science (physics honors i s a bit hard, but fun) are great for my subconscious since they challenge my mental ability and also give hands-on experience to the real world. in english, i feel like all i do is define literary terms in books and in history i just analyze events of different time periods, both of them don’t really apply much hands-on knowledge of the world. with math and science, you can explore ways to solve a problem and you can calculate lots of things such as your gpa, car distance, amount of books you could possibly read in lifetime. there are times when i have free time and my subconscious wanders to geometric formulas that i actually understand now when i didn’t understand them in 10th grade and i find myself experimenting with triangles and degrees for fun. i have a friend whose teacher doesn’t explain physics well and when she shows me her work even though there are some topics of physics (she’s in regular) i still need to work on, i find that i understand her work and i can show her a more simplistic way of doing it. my physics honors teacher, although he goes fast at times, he has taught me how to do simple calculations and my pre-calc teacher (who goes at a good pace) has helped me understand how to see where the equations come from. my ap world history class has helped me learn how to analyze things quicker and my ap english class has taught me how to argue my point in my writing. i think i am learning a lot of the college skills i need. my lunch buddy is great also because he is always helping me with my knowledge in math and science even though i am better at word problems than logical sequences. the girl from the ‘A team’ was arrogant as ever today and when i made peace with my friend and got pretty good grades, she acted like she was still so much better than me. she didn’t say anything, but when she walked past me, she would have her head in the air and she would walk like she was a really smart person and she glanced at me and quickly looked away like i was beneath her. my lunch buddy told me to just ignore her and i didn’t pay her any mind because i was busy helping my friend with her physics assignment. my lunch buddy has a great sense of humor and there are times when i tell him why i’m stressed and he laughs and it makes me laugh because i realize that i shouldn’t let a little thing like one test grade mess up my whole day.

Thanks, anita;) I may be busy with ap classes this week, so I might start the forums just yet. i had a physics honors test on projectile motion today (not so sure i did so well), an ap world history test tomorrow, a pre-calc test wednesday, ap english quiz on nickel and dimed. i just am annoyed that a day after the SATs , the teachers have to pile up on the tests, but it’s probably because progress reports come out this week. most of my teachers go really fast and they try to cram everything in and if you fall behind, you have to catch up on your own since most of your classmates are in the competition and they can’t help you. that is why i like my pre-calc teacher since she always takes time to make sure that all her students understand the topic and when a student is shy, she encourages him/her to speak up and will often take some time to sit with him/her to make sure she/he understands the topic. everyone in my pre-calc class helps each other and they are laid-back. at our school if you take many hard classes such as ap and honors, there is an ‘A team’ who complains if they don’t get a 98 or better and they are often the most impatient and most competitive since they work really hard, yet at times they tend to look down on others who do worse than they do or become jealous of those who do better than them. one girl on the ‘A team’ told me today that i didn’t work as hard as she did, that i focused on non-important things and that i wasn’t as smart as she was. she told me that i was too dramatic and carefree in my work and that i didn’t really care about my grades at all. she really put a division between me and one of my friends when she said that i was using him to get ahead in school since i couldn’t do it alone. i tried to explain to him that we were friends and i enjoyed learning from him and also having fun with him, i would never be that selfish, but he wouldn’t even look at me. at lunch two guys who i knew did track saw me and asked me why i looked so upset, when i told them, they told me that i was smart, i had friends, i shouldn’t listen to negative opinions of other people and that i would go far. we talked about track and working out for a while and before they left they told me that they believed in me and that i was a good person. they really cheered me up and i was glad. my lunch buddy and i discussed about math and we were helping each other with history and he was also telling me that i was a hard worker and not to be too competitive. my lunch buddy is perfectly fine with taking simple notes and not really caring about competing with other people, but just making himself better in school. also this morning before classes my special friend saw that i was a bit tired and he came over to ask if i was okay, he told me that things would be okay and i would do well in my classes and that he cared about me. after the physics honors test last block, i was a bit stressed and annoyed and before we got on the buses, my special friend said he was worried about me and asked if i was okay. i told him about how i felt the teachers were really putting a lot of pressure on me except my pre-calc teacher and how the ‘A team’ was really competitive. my ap world history teacher had assigned a six-paragraph comparative essay on friday, day before SATs and monday she explained briefly the document-based essay (dbq) and she went quite fast, so i was trying to keep up with her. the physics honors test took the whole block and i was quite annoyed after that. i also told him about my two friends in ap english that tend to shift alliances and my lunch buddy. he was a great listener and when a friend asked him if he could help her with her homework, he told her it would have to wait. he listened and told me that it doesn’t matter if my friends would compete or that there was competition, what mattered is my health and happiness which can only be defined by me. he was glad that my lunch buddy continued to be enouraging and he told me that he believed in me and that no matter what, i would succeed. when i told him that i wasn’t sure i was going to make good grades this semester with the competition, he told me that i had to trust and believe in myself and that i was perfect and beautiful no matter what others said and that he would always be here to help me. i seriously think he is my spiritual partner since he is always around when i need some encouragement. he always senses when i am sad and is just around, sometimes just seeing him there listening makes me feel better. he told me that i was athletic and he was glad i was trying out for track. there are times when we are busy and we drift apart, but he seems to understand that it is our busy schedules because after i told him this story today, he seemed to relax and didn’t think i didn’t care about him anymore. i think he is starting to appreciate my new found confidence and interest in math and science and he is thinking of pursuing a science related field so he can help me. people always ridicule us when we are together because they think we are in a relationship, but we really aren’t. we share a platonic spiirtual love for each other and it’s more than a relationship since we are here to encourage each other and help each other be more in divine love and healing.

thanks anita;) from apocalypto, flint sky (jaguar paw’s father) told his son “Fear is a sickness. It will crawl into the soul of anyone who engages it. It has tainted your peace already. I did not raise you to see you live with fear. Strike it from your heart. Do not bring it into our village.” I agree with this quote, i think if you let your fear become too great, it begins to control you and it brings you stress, so when fear comes, face it. in the movie, jaguar paw asks for strength from the heavens when being chased by the aztecs, he says “Resting fathers, fly me up your strength.” in this way, he and i seem to share a connection, i get my strength from my friends, buddha, nature and angels; jaguar paw gets his strength from the heavens, nature and his ancestors. there were times when jaguar paw was tired of being chased, but he knew he had to go on, he couldn’t stop now since he made it this far, when he was afraid he would remind himself of all the horrors he’d faced and with renewed strength keep going and he would tell himself “I am Jaguar Paw. I am not afraid. I am strong. I am a hunter.” Also, when faced with the Aztecs near the river with rapids, he tells them this also the fact and his hope that “my sons will also hunt the forest after i am gone.” i think he is telling the aztecs that he isn’t afraid, that he still has hope since his wife is safe somewhere and he is finally facing his fears and being a leader. i think it is true that you should always believe in yourself, turn adversity into strength, don’t let your fears overcome who you are, don’t let others tell you who you are and you are stronger and braver than you think. jaguar paw was often uncertain of his strength and bravery, he would often wonder if he could lead the mayan clan after his father, but after seeing the aztecs’ horror and enduring so much, he realized his strength and bravery that he didn’t think he had. i’ve always wondered what makes people continue living and keep going despite everything; i think for jaguar paw it was the fact he didn’t want to end up like the other mayans, he had to try to survive for his ancestors in heaven and also his love for his wife. i think love and sheer will can get through a lot. i hope you are okay and continue to hope and be strong, face your fears:)